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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:01,166 Dwight: 'Kay guys, 2 00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:01,833 this ought to get you up to speed. 3 00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:03,168 - The honor has fallen upon me 4 00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:06,004 to host this month's Guy Club assembly. 5 00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:07,272 [knock, knock, knock] 6 00:00:07,207 --> 00:00:08,440 - Am I late? 7 00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:09,641 - Exactly punctual, brother. 8 00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:10,908 Do come in. 9 00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,544 [knocking] 10 00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:13,745 Gretta: Uncle Arnolf. 11 00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:15,147 - I have no need of you. 12 00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:16,447 [magical poof] 13 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,449 [magical whoosh] 14 00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:17,983 Dwight: Wha-What? 15 00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:19,117 Where did they go? 16 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,318 - On a journey through the cosmos. 17 00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:21,987 [magical poof] 18 00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:24,423 - Doughnut anyone? 19 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,723 - Keep these handy. 20 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,759 You never know when you'll desperately want one. 21 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,994 I must be off. 22 00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,530 - Off? 23 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:36,901 ♪ 24 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:42,540 Gretta: [lightly snoring] 25 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,443 - Hey, where's Ms. Hernandez? 26 00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:50,148 Mr. Hammond: Good morning, history buffs. 27 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:54,019 I'm Mr. Hammond and I'm your new teacher 28 00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:56,021 for this world history class. 29 00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,522 Ms. Hernandez has gone to New York 30 00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,924 to chase her dream of becoming a puppeteer for The Muppets. 31 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,893 [silence] 32 00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:02,828 Class: [soft chuckles] 33 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,629 Which... 34 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:08,267 I maybe wasn't supposed to tell you, so... 35 00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,936 that stays between you, me, and these four walls. 36 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:11,336 [soft clap] 37 00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,804 - Yeah. 38 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,707 Gretta: [lightly snoring] 39 00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:16,908 - Let's get right into it. 40 00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,343 History. 41 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,878 What do we mean by that? 42 00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:25,650 We talk about history. 43 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,387 Uhh, Gretta Besieged? 44 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,822 Gretta: [startled snore] 45 00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:31,890 - Good morning, Gretta. 46 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,291 Gretta: [clears throat] 47 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,660 - Can you tell us what you think history means? 48 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:36,128 Gretta: Certainly. 49 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,396 Uh. 50 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,298 A record kept by scribes of a bygone time 51 00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:47,639 detailing acts of valor or villainy. 52 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,674 Mr. Hammond: Uh, history definition, take it. 53 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,377 - Events that have happened in the past. 54 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,244 Mr. Hammond: Okay. 55 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,946 You're not wrong. 56 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:57,015 But what about all that stuff that happened in the past 57 00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:58,817 that nobody remembers? 58 00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:00,418 Those forgotten things, 59 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:02,988 which is almost everything actually. 60 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,390 Are they still history? 61 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,959 I would encourage you to doubt history. 62 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,162 Mistrust it. 63 00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:13,198 Consider it the dirty, rotten liar that it is. 64 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,801 'Cause history isn't a record 65 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,336 of all the things that've happened. 66 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:22,741 It's a story of what we've chosen to remember. 67 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,543 ♪ 68 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,744 Dwight: Okay, so about a thousand years ago 69 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,447 there was this princess, Gretta, and she was in big trouble 70 00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:33,285 'cause she had lots of enemies and not a lot of friends. 71 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:37,355 So her court magician Baldric cast the champion spell. 72 00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:38,556 It put everyone in the woods to sleep 73 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,260 until a champion would come, break the spell with his kiss, 74 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,928 and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies. 75 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,163 But that guy never showed up. 76 00:02:45,099 --> 00:02:45,564 Instead... 77 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,765 Ahhhh! 78 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,666 [kiss] 79 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,668 ...they got me. 80 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:50,535 Ah! 81 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:54,939 ♪ 82 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:55,440 Ow! 83 00:02:55,508 --> 00:03:05,317 ♪ 84 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:15,694 [school bell ringing] 85 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,062 Mr. Hammond: Hey there Gretta. 86 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,797 Um, do either of your parents have any flexibility 87 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,832 in their schedule? 88 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,567 - I shouldn't think so. 89 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:27,105 The one is dead and the other is an oak tree. 90 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,541 - But her guardian is pretty much available 91 00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:32,643 pretty much all the time. 92 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,312 - Well, um. 93 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,181 Please give this to your uh, guardian, 94 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:40,018 and um, let me know if tonight would work. 95 00:03:39,954 --> 00:03:41,086 Gretta: Tonight? 96 00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,021 Dwight: Here it comes. 97 00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:45,190 Look, you miss school, you blow off homework, 98 00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,125 and you sleep through class. 99 00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:48,460 This is what you get. 100 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:51,363 Gretta/Baldric: Parent teacher conference. 101 00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,564 Baldric: A summons of some sort. 102 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:53,732 - Oh, he just wants to talk to you 103 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,734 about how you're doin' in history. 104 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:56,634 - Oh. 105 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,203 Well why didn't he just say that then. 106 00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:02,307 - He seeks an audience tonight at six of the clock. 107 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:04,176 - Which is actually pretty cool of him. 108 00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,410 Teachers don't get overtime. 109 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,811 Gretta/Baldric: Hm. 110 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,146 Gretta: Ooo. 111 00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,582 We must be off. 112 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:11,916 - Will there be food 113 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,918 at this conference of barren teachers? 114 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,920 Dwight: Uh, not barren teachers. 115 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,889 Gretta: No, Chlodwig, you are not invited. 116 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,157 This is for Baldric and myself 117 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,593 to chronicle our noble deeds for posterity. 118 00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:24,396 - Wait what? 119 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,631 Baldric: We have much to tell, Highness. 120 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,166 Gretta: Don't expect us back before dawn. 121 00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,400 Baldric: [chuckling] 122 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:34,473 Ha! 123 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,342 - I should probably give Mr. Hammond a heads-up. 124 00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:42,614 [refrigerator rattling] 125 00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:44,082 - Did that come from...? 126 00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:48,820 [refrigerator rattling] 127 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,989 - What are you guys putting in your fridge? 128 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,591 - Only food stuffs and Baldric's nightgown. 129 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:53,992 - His what? 130 00:04:53,928 --> 00:04:57,095 Why is Baldric's nightgown in the fridge? 131 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,264 [refrigerator rattling] 132 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,665 - It wants out. 133 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,000 - What does? 134 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,369 - Baldric's nightgown. 135 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,436 - Oh come on. 136 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:08,373 No, there has to be a logical explanation for-- 137 00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:09,307 [powerful whoosh] 138 00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:18,583 [air hissing] 139 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,218 Dronelover 99: And we're back! 140 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:23,555 All: [congratulating each other] 141 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,223 Dwight: It's the Guy Club guys. 142 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,758 Chlodwig: Back from the cosmos. 143 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,860 How was your journey, brothers? 144 00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,729 Dronelover 99: Kinda all over the place. 145 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:31,896 Dwight: How did you get back? 146 00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,298 - Doughnuts. 147 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,365 - Huh? 148 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:35,734 [refrigerator rattling] 149 00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:46,111 [magical whoosh] 150 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:46,978 - [disgustedly] Ughhh. 151 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,080 - Whoa. 152 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,281 Who's that? 153 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,317 Chlodwig: A dead man in a chair. 154 00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:53,585 - His name's Phil. 155 00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:54,987 Dwight: Phil? 156 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:56,454 Phil? 157 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:57,789 Phil: [disembodied] That's me. 158 00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,425 I'm just happy to be here. 159 00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,560 Thug: Phil. 160 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,628 That's Phil. 161 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,131 Dwight: [confused mumbling] 162 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:11,436 - Welcome to Guy Club, ancient Phil. 163 00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:12,704 - Hi. 164 00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:13,238 Dronelover 99: Not the guy in the wheelchair, 165 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:14,906 the guy in the jar. 166 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:15,907 - Pardon? 167 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,008 Phil: Right here. 168 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,276 See the old guy? 169 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,878 See his hands? 170 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,647 See the jar in his hands? 171 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,949 See the good-looking gas in the jar? 172 00:06:25,019 --> 00:06:26,151 Dronelover 99: That's Phil. 173 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,486 He's a telepathic gas we picked up 174 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:30,254 in a realm called Feeech. 175 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,222 Dwight: Hm. 176 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,290 - [startled yell] 177 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:34,059 I have a plan. 178 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:34,926 Thug: [clears throat] 179 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,395 No you don't Chlodwig. 180 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:38,897 Dronelover 99: The plan is Chick-Fil-A, dude. 181 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,365 Barkeep: Chicken strips! 182 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:43,535 Thug: Yeah. 183 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,569 - Chlodwig? 184 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:50,309 - Impossible. 185 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:55,480 ♪ 186 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,882 Chlodwig/Old Chlodwig: Balderdash! 187 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,517 Enough of this. 188 00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:03,121 How dare you, sir. 189 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,923 - Holy cow. 190 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,558 Chlodwig, is that really you? 191 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,826 Old Chlodwig: Never doubt me. 192 00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,328 Chlodwig: Look at me. 193 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,664 I'm so old. 194 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,099 Phil: Mm, 108. 195 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,500 - Eh? 196 00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,369 Speak up, you poop-noddy. 197 00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,405 Phil: We picked him up on a visit to the future realm. 198 00:07:20,341 --> 00:07:21,439 He wanted to come back 199 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:25,010 to give a message to a princess and a magician. 200 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,778 Dwight: You mean Gretta and Baldric? 201 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,112 - Where are they? 202 00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,447 Dwight: At a parent teacher conference 203 00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:30,349 with Mr. Hammond. 204 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,950 - Ohhh. 205 00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:41,726 I must tell them... 206 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:48,199 [snoring] 207 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,036 Dwight: So this is pretty much Woodside. 208 00:07:52,106 --> 00:07:53,905 Nice town, great place to grow up. 209 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,173 Phil: So, what should I do while I'm here? 210 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:57,376 Dwight: Well, really depends on what you're into. 211 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,310 Uh, we have a lot of great hiking trails. 212 00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,812 There's a waterfall not too far from here. 213 00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:02,414 Chlodwig: Potato chips. 214 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,382 Phil: I'm game for everything. 215 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:08,286 But time is a limiting factor. 216 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,588 I don't wanna overstay my welcome. 217 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,290 Dwight: Nah, Phil, we love having you here. 218 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,424 Phil: Well you say that now 219 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,693 but you'll be singin' a different tune 220 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,127 when I destroy all carbon-based life 221 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:19,431 on this planet. 222 00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,565 - Pardon? 223 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,633 Phil: It'll be like 224 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,002 a high-pitched screamy kind of tune. 225 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,070 - Why would you wanna do that? 226 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,271 Phil: Oh, I wouldn't. 227 00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:30,608 But given the highly unusual atmosphere you guys have here, 228 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:34,178 my containment in this jar is really unstable. 229 00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:36,681 - When you say unstable... 230 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,017 Phil: Well, this is what we in Guy Club 231 00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,053 call a mayonnaise jar. 232 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:44,522 It wasn't really designed to contain something like me, 233 00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:47,459 especially not in a place like this. 234 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,362 And when I finally break through? 235 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,998 So we should probably just hit the Woodside highlights 236 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,667 and get me back to Feeech. 237 00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:57,235 Chlodwig: You have seen all. 238 00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:58,103 Dwight: Check mark on Woodside. 239 00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:04,876 Let's get you home. 240 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:05,811 How do we do that? 241 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,613 Like right now? 242 00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:13,017 Phil: We need a Doughnut. 243 00:09:13,087 --> 00:09:14,218 - A doughnut? 244 00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:16,954 Phil: From the box Arnolf gave to Chlodwig in the cosmos. 245 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,957 Not you Chlodwig, the old one. 246 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:23,462 He keeps them under his wheelie chair seat. 247 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,497 Chlodwig: Where has he gone? 248 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,433 Dwight: Nobody panic. 249 00:09:28,369 --> 00:09:30,135 Chlodwig: [screams] 250 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,669 Dwight: [short shriek] I said nobody panic! 251 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:34,006 We have to find old Chlodwig now. 252 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,607 Chlodwig: Sir Dwight. 253 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,776 You are speaking about a master of stealth, 254 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,579 speed, and agility. 255 00:09:40,514 --> 00:09:42,013 How ever are we to find such a man? 256 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,949 - Well, we'll just have to find our own master of stealth, 257 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,584 speed, and agility. 258 00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:49,821 Someone who thinks like Chlodwig. 259 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:52,290 Someone who plans like Chlodwig. 260 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,759 - Mm-hm. 261 00:09:54,828 --> 00:10:01,199 - Because he is Chlodwig. 262 00:10:01,135 --> 00:10:03,568 - I have it! 263 00:10:03,504 --> 00:10:11,143 Who better to find myself than myself? 264 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:11,677 - Okay. 265 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:12,811 Let's show some hustle 266 00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:17,548 before Phil cracks his jar and destroys the world. 267 00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,818 Phil: Go-o-o guy club! 268 00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:27,993 Old Chlodwig: [panting] 269 00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,594 Woman: Sir? 270 00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:31,095 Are you okay? 271 00:10:31,165 --> 00:10:33,565 - Where is the barren teacher conference? 272 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,599 - The what? 273 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:37,335 - The barren teacher conference. 274 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,237 They've gone to meet with Mr. Hammond. 275 00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:40,505 - You mean the parent teacher conference? 276 00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:41,039 Old Chlodwig: Yeah, that's it. 277 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,140 Where is it? 278 00:10:42,176 --> 00:10:42,907 I must warn them. 279 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,376 Woman: Uh, the school? 280 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,244 Maybe Woodside Elementary? 281 00:10:46,180 --> 00:10:47,879 Woodside Middle? 282 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,014 Woodside High? 283 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:49,747 - That's the one! 284 00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:50,349 Uhh. 285 00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:51,450 Which way? 286 00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:54,453 Woman: It's about three or four miles that way. 287 00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:55,887 Sir, do you need a ride? 288 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,689 Old Chlodwig: Oh. 289 00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:01,159 I got a ride. 290 00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:05,463 [grunt] 291 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:06,732 Weeee! 292 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:11,936 ♪ 293 00:11:12,006 --> 00:11:13,538 Dwight: Okay, Chlodwig. 294 00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:15,674 You're 108 years old, where would you go? 295 00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,209 Chlodwig: Difficult to say. 296 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,011 I'm an inscrutable, unpredictable mystery, 297 00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,846 Sir Dwight. 298 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,447 Even to myself. 299 00:11:22,383 --> 00:11:23,115 Phil: He has a message for the princess 300 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,816 and the magician. 301 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:25,484 Dwight: Gretta and Baldric. 302 00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:26,752 Phil: Where are they? 303 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:27,919 Dwight: At the parent teacher conference. 304 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,454 Chlodwig: After me! 305 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:29,988 Dwight: How you feelin' Phil? 306 00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:31,289 How's that jar? 307 00:11:31,325 --> 00:11:32,256 Phil: Don't worry about it. 308 00:11:32,326 --> 00:11:34,592 Everything's going to be fine. 309 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,695 Until the instant when it suddenly isn't. 310 00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:39,498 Dwight: [nervous groan] 311 00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,333 Mr. Hammond: So, Gretta. 312 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:45,303 Tell me a little about your goals in world history. 313 00:11:45,239 --> 00:11:46,437 - Well, they are the simple goals 314 00:11:46,507 --> 00:11:47,672 of any monarch. 315 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:51,576 To be remembered as a just, wise, and benevolent ruler. 316 00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:53,078 Baldric: Her people adore her 317 00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:57,649 and her enemies cower in fear before her. 318 00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,184 Write that down. 319 00:11:59,252 --> 00:11:59,985 Mm. 320 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:04,089 ♪ 321 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:12,264 - [grunting] 322 00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,166 Ahhhh! 323 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,669 [crash] 324 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:23,241 [panting] 325 00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,542 [spits] 326 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:32,083 [grunting] 327 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:32,751 Runner: Hey there. 328 00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,720 Where you headed, buddy? 329 00:12:34,655 --> 00:12:37,689 - To the conference of parent leeches 330 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,359 at Woodside High. 331 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:40,925 - All right, well, I'm headed that way. 332 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,694 You want a push? 333 00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:43,761 Yeah? 334 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,465 All right. 335 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:47,465 - Faster! 336 00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:50,235 - Faster! 337 00:12:50,304 --> 00:12:51,703 - You wanna do the pedaling? 338 00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:56,274 Phil: Uh-oh. 339 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:56,942 Chlodwig: What's amiss? 340 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:57,308 Dwight: Phil said uh-oh. 341 00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:58,276 What uh-oh? 342 00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,878 Phil: Oh, never mind. 343 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,413 - Never mind? 344 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,582 Phil: I don't want you guys to worry. 345 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,517 - We are already worried, Phil. 346 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,485 That mayonnaise jar is the only thing 347 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,019 keeping you from destroying all carbon-based life 348 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,087 on this planet. 349 00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:09,621 Phil: Well yeah. 350 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:10,989 [light cracking] 351 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,058 And it's cracking. 352 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,060 I don't do well in tight spaces. 353 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,462 I need my wiggle room. 354 00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:18,763 - We've gotta get you out of there. 355 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:19,864 Phil: In the next six or seven minutes 356 00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,232 would be ideal. 357 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,400 - Oh geez. 358 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,402 - I have a plan! 359 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,803 Dwight: Not now Chlodwig. 360 00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:25,970 We have to get Phil out of that mayonnaise jar 361 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,105 and into something with wiggle room. 362 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,306 - I have it. 363 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,708 Dwight: Chlodwig, 364 00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:30,908 the world is gonna end in five to six minutes 365 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:32,978 if we don't think of something. 366 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:36,815 Children: [squealing] 367 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:38,283 Dwight: Oh, that could work. 368 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:40,718 Runner: Okay man. 369 00:13:40,788 --> 00:13:44,356 So, Woodside High is just a block that way. 370 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,457 Sorry, but I got a brisket in the crock pot. 371 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,227 Chlodwig: Ohhh, I know that feeling. 372 00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,062 Runner: All right, so you sure you got it from here? 373 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,664 - Most certainly. 374 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:53,798 I'm quite capable. 375 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,834 Runner: All right, well you have a good one brother. 376 00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:59,338 Old Chlodwig: [panting] 377 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:08,847 [grunting] 378 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,049 Oh floof. 379 00:14:10,985 --> 00:14:19,223 Ahhhhh! 380 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,727 Dwight: Okay. 381 00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:24,162 Justin: Okay Phil. 382 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,430 Nozzle valve's in place. 383 00:14:25,366 --> 00:14:26,297 Phil: Great! 384 00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:28,267 Thanks Justin! 385 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:29,534 Chlodwig, you found a hammer? 386 00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:31,003 Chlodwig: Yes. 387 00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:34,439 Phil: Now ever so gently, suuuper gently, 388 00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:37,709 just as extra incredibly gently as you can, 389 00:14:37,745 --> 00:14:39,210 hammer the nozzle valve 390 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,812 through the lid of the mayonnaise jar 391 00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:43,815 while being veeery gentle. 392 00:14:43,751 --> 00:14:45,250 Dwight: This is it guys. 393 00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,518 Phil: Did you get the gentle part? 394 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:47,719 Dwight: Chlodwig? 395 00:14:47,788 --> 00:14:49,354 No matter what happens, 396 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,890 you're always gonna be my brother. 397 00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,191 Oh and Justin, 398 00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:57,062 it's been an honor knowing you these past five or six minutes. 399 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,597 - Let's save the world, men. 400 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:00,899 You ready, Phil? 401 00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,300 Phil: Ready! 402 00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:04,302 Gently. 403 00:15:04,238 --> 00:15:05,804 Gennntly. 404 00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:06,938 [pop!] 405 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,775 Dwight/Justin/Chlodwig: [shriek] 406 00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:11,376 Phil: That girl is adorable, 407 00:15:11,445 --> 00:15:16,581 but I'm about to destroy the world. 408 00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:17,616 [tap, tap] 409 00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:17,949 Phil: Gently! 410 00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:18,884 [tap] 411 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:23,655 Justin: [frightened groan] 412 00:15:23,724 --> 00:15:25,223 We have pressure! 413 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,157 Dwight: Okay. 414 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:31,096 Moving balloon into position. 415 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,964 Justin: Commencing gas transference. 416 00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:35,000 See you on the other side Phil. 417 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:39,637 [air hissing] 418 00:15:39,707 --> 00:15:41,173 Phil: Well done, boys! 419 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:46,811 Dwight/Justin/Chlodwig: [relieved laughter] 420 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:51,450 Phil: And that's how you do that. 421 00:15:51,385 --> 00:16:00,925 Old Chlodwig: [panting] 422 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,697 [grunts] 423 00:16:05,733 --> 00:16:07,366 You jabber-nulling, pop-doodling, 424 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:12,938 yellow-feathered liver-eater! 425 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,839 Dwight: [sigh] 426 00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:15,707 You good, Phil? 427 00:16:15,776 --> 00:16:16,441 You got your wiggle room? 428 00:16:16,377 --> 00:16:17,175 Phil: Oh yeah. 429 00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:19,244 So much better. 430 00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:21,713 This ought to hold me for a good 40 minutes. 431 00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:23,014 - Forty minutes? 432 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,350 Phil: An eternity on some worlds. 433 00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:27,519 - Well on this world it's 40 minutes! 434 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,987 Chlodwig: We must find my ancient self 435 00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:34,392 and retrieve my ancient doughnuts. 436 00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:38,162 Dwight: Time's tickin'. 437 00:16:38,232 --> 00:16:39,464 Gretta: By the age of 10 438 00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:41,066 I had already vanquished a dragon 439 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,902 and driven a mob of orcs out of my kingdom. 440 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,304 - Your kingdom? 441 00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,705 - Rogemore, we've been over this. 442 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:50,275 Baldric: Long may it flourish. 443 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:51,843 - Wow. 444 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,044 I sure appreciate you both coming in. 445 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,512 - Ooh! 446 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,181 Which leads us to my early adolescence. 447 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,583 Baldric: Ha. 448 00:16:57,651 --> 00:16:58,650 Gretta: A time of trial that tempered me 449 00:16:58,719 --> 00:17:01,052 like a fine steel blade. 450 00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:02,621 - Oh-ho! 451 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,389 Indeed. 452 00:17:04,325 --> 00:17:07,192 This is good. 453 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:16,601 - [struggling] 454 00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:18,536 Huzzah! 455 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,106 Victory. 456 00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,975 [grunting] 457 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,409 - Man. 458 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:25,611 That's quite a story. 459 00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:27,279 - Ah. 460 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:27,645 Mr. Hammond: But, it's getting kind of late so-- 461 00:17:27,681 --> 00:17:29,281 Baldric: Oh! 462 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,149 But we're just getting to the good part. 463 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,850 - Of course you are. 464 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,919 Gretta: Now, imagine my surprise when I awaken 465 00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:37,022 to see Sir Dwight staring me in the face. 466 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,090 - [laughing] 467 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:39,958 - Dwight? 468 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,326 - Not what I expected 469 00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:42,794 but he has risen to the task commendably. 470 00:17:42,863 --> 00:17:43,861 - Mm. 471 00:17:43,931 --> 00:17:44,730 - From world history class? 472 00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:46,398 Gretta: Indeed, yes. 473 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:46,998 Mr. Hammond: The kid who sits in the front row? 474 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,133 - That's the one. 475 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:50,168 - The guy who volunteered to organize 476 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,369 the history fair? 477 00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,472 Old Chlodwig: Where is the errant teacher conference? 478 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:55,006 Mr. Hammond: What the-- 479 00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,207 [confused stuttering] 480 00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:57,843 Is he with you? 481 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,411 Gretta: Are you lost, ancient one? 482 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:01,246 - Gretta? 483 00:18:01,315 --> 00:18:02,514 [gasp] 484 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,182 Gretta: Do I know you? 485 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:07,753 Old Chlodwig: I have a warning from the future. 486 00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:08,620 - From the future? 487 00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,322 - What warning? 488 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:14,092 - Doom, doom, doooom! 489 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,627 Mr. Hammond: Sir, are you okay? 490 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:16,794 Old Chlodwig: Ohh, out of my way. 491 00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:23,869 Gretta, Baldric, you must listen. 492 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,837 - I think he might be having a stroke. 493 00:18:25,906 --> 00:18:27,772 - Step aside. 494 00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:28,840 - We're listening. 495 00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:30,942 What is your warning? 496 00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:32,811 - My warning. 497 00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,079 Baldric/Gretta: Yes. 498 00:18:34,014 --> 00:18:35,079 Old Chlodwig: Eh, um, I don't recall. 499 00:18:35,149 --> 00:18:36,748 I'm um... 500 00:18:36,684 --> 00:18:42,688 I know I had a warning and it was a very good warning. 501 00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:46,524 It was, um. 502 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:52,531 Never eat the last lemon fritter at a dwarf banquet. 503 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,499 - Prince Chlodwig? 504 00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:55,434 Dwight: [short yelp] 505 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,301 Chlodwig! 506 00:18:57,371 --> 00:18:58,937 Chlodwig: Ancient self. 507 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,672 Mr. Hammond: Dwight, do you know this man? 508 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:01,406 Dwight: Yeah. 509 00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:02,840 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 510 00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:03,709 No, no, he's with me. 511 00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:04,643 I'm with him. 512 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:05,943 I just, I have to find a, a... 513 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,980 Old Chlodwig: Hands to your own person. 514 00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:09,715 - They're not here. 515 00:19:09,783 --> 00:19:11,083 Gretta: What's not here? 516 00:19:11,018 --> 00:19:12,116 - The doughnuts Phil, they're not here. 517 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,084 - Who's Phil? 518 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:13,952 Phil: That's me. 519 00:19:14,021 --> 00:19:15,053 Just passin' through. 520 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:16,388 [laughs] 521 00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:17,922 Little gas joke. 522 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,425 - Where are the doughnuts, grandpa? 523 00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:23,929 - They're all gone. 524 00:19:23,864 --> 00:19:25,063 Baldric: We can stop for more doughnuts 525 00:19:25,132 --> 00:19:26,431 on the way home, Sir Dwight. 526 00:19:26,467 --> 00:19:29,133 Dwight: No, no, no, we need his doughnuts. 527 00:19:29,203 --> 00:19:35,940 Old Chlodwig: I used them up getting here. 528 00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:36,708 - Can we still stop and get doughnuts 529 00:19:36,744 --> 00:19:38,410 on the way home? 530 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:39,711 - How much time we got, Phil? 531 00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:45,650 Phil: Feels like oh, I'd say about 20 minutes-ish. 532 00:19:45,719 --> 00:19:49,354 - Where are your doughnuts, you fop-doodle? 533 00:19:49,423 --> 00:19:50,889 Chlodwig: Fop-doodle? 534 00:19:50,824 --> 00:19:53,992 - Think, you lubber-wart. 535 00:19:54,061 --> 00:19:54,459 - Oh. 536 00:19:54,395 --> 00:19:56,161 - Oh dear. 537 00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,964 Old Chlodwig: Your first journey through the cosmos. 538 00:19:58,899 --> 00:20:06,471 What did Uncle Arnolf give you to bring back? 539 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,974 Dwight/Chlodwig: Doughnuts! 540 00:20:08,909 --> 00:20:10,041 Dwight: Go, go! 541 00:20:10,110 --> 00:20:11,376 Gotta go. 542 00:20:11,312 --> 00:20:12,144 Thanks, Mr. Hammond. 543 00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:13,411 Love your class! 544 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,580 [hurried groaning] 545 00:20:15,616 --> 00:20:16,815 - Same time tomorrow. 546 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:22,187 Hm. 547 00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:23,455 Dwight: You didn't throw them away did you? 548 00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,490 Gretta: Uncle Arnolf told us not to. 549 00:20:25,426 --> 00:20:27,158 Baldric: He said they could prove useful. 550 00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,261 Phil: That guy's hilarious. 551 00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:30,662 - The ice box. 552 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,963 Chlodwig: Oh. 553 00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:41,273 Dwight/Chlodwig: [grunting] 554 00:20:44,011 --> 00:20:45,577 Baldric: My nightgown! 555 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:48,346 Dwight: Okay, I gotta know before Phil blows us all up. 556 00:20:48,382 --> 00:20:51,249 Why is your nightgown in the freezer? 557 00:20:51,185 --> 00:20:54,086 Baldric: I like a cold nightgown on a warm night. 558 00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:55,554 - And why not? 559 00:20:55,622 --> 00:21:01,159 - Huzzah! 560 00:21:01,095 --> 00:21:02,827 Two left. 561 00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:03,895 Phil: Take one out, throw it up in the air, 562 00:21:03,964 --> 00:21:05,831 and I will do the rest. 563 00:21:05,899 --> 00:21:07,232 Oh! 564 00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:11,403 And don't any of you think about any specific times or locations 565 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:12,938 while the doughnut's in the air. 566 00:21:12,873 --> 00:21:14,106 You don't wanna confuse it. 567 00:21:14,041 --> 00:21:15,641 - 'Kay? 568 00:21:15,709 --> 00:21:19,210 So I'll just think of Cap'n Crunch. 569 00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:22,747 I mean that can't be considered a time or a destination, right? 570 00:21:22,816 --> 00:21:25,217 Phil: We'll see, won't we? 571 00:21:25,152 --> 00:21:28,653 Baldric: I shall think of my toes. 572 00:21:28,722 --> 00:21:31,757 Gretta: I shall think about how to spell perseverance. 573 00:21:31,825 --> 00:21:33,425 Baldric: Ah. 574 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,192 Chlodwig: Wait, wait, wait. 575 00:21:34,128 --> 00:21:35,260 - Gotta go. 576 00:21:35,328 --> 00:21:37,529 Lives of billions hangin' in the balance here, man. 577 00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,364 - I've got it. 578 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:44,702 I shall think of nothing at all. 579 00:21:44,772 --> 00:21:45,503 Dwight: Love it. 580 00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:46,538 Ready, Phil? 581 00:21:46,607 --> 00:21:48,407 Phil: Nice meeting you guys. 582 00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:50,976 Glad I didn't blow you all to smithers. 583 00:21:51,044 --> 00:21:51,977 - Ready? 584 00:21:52,045 --> 00:21:56,214 Phil: Ready. 585 00:21:56,283 --> 00:21:59,484 Take me to Feeeeech! 586 00:21:59,553 --> 00:22:04,456 [magical whoosh] 587 00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:06,624 Dwight: [nervous breathing] 588 00:22:06,694 --> 00:22:07,292 Wow. 589 00:22:07,361 --> 00:22:08,426 Okay. 590 00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,929 I need to, I need to sit down. 591 00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:13,865 - My turn. 592 00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:16,067 - Not so soon, ancient self. 593 00:22:16,136 --> 00:22:18,336 We have so much to discuss. 594 00:22:18,272 --> 00:22:19,705 - It's time to go. 595 00:22:19,773 --> 00:22:21,039 - But... 596 00:22:21,108 --> 00:22:23,542 my future. 597 00:22:23,610 --> 00:22:28,380 What must I know? 598 00:22:28,448 --> 00:22:36,355 - You already know everything you must know. 599 00:22:36,423 --> 00:22:39,858 - Farewell, ancient self. 600 00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:47,131 - Get on with it, you whippersnapper. 601 00:22:47,167 --> 00:22:50,569 Take me to my lady's arms. 602 00:22:50,504 --> 00:22:54,739 [magical whoosh] 603 00:22:54,808 --> 00:22:57,709 Gretta: [short laugh] 604 00:22:57,777 --> 00:23:01,512 Dwight: Did he say lady's arms? 605 00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:03,014 Gretta: Incredible. 606 00:23:02,950 --> 00:23:05,083 - Tell us. 607 00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:06,551 What was the message 608 00:23:06,619 --> 00:23:08,854 my ancient self so wanted to share with you? 609 00:23:08,922 --> 00:23:11,056 Gretta: Oh. 610 00:23:10,991 --> 00:23:12,824 [clears throat] 611 00:23:12,893 --> 00:23:18,129 Never eat the last lemon fritter at a dwarf banquet. 612 00:23:18,198 --> 00:23:19,597 - You're kidding me. 613 00:23:19,666 --> 00:23:23,001 That was the message? 614 00:23:23,070 --> 00:23:23,968 - Excellent advice. 615 00:23:24,004 --> 00:24:00,238 ♪ 616 00:24:00,288 --> 00:24:04,838 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40184

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