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1
00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:01,166
Dwight: 'Kay guys,
2
00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:01,833
this ought to get you
up to speed.
3
00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:03,168
- The honor
has fallen upon me
4
00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:06,004
to host this month's
Guy Club assembly.
5
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:07,272
[knock, knock, knock]
6
00:00:07,207 --> 00:00:08,440
- Am I late?
7
00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:09,641
- Exactly punctual, brother.
8
00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:10,908
Do come in.
9
00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,544
[knocking]
10
00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:13,745
Gretta: Uncle Arnolf.
11
00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:15,147
- I have no need of you.
12
00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:16,447
[magical poof]
13
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,449
[magical whoosh]
14
00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:17,983
Dwight: Wha-What?
15
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:19,117
Where did they go?
16
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,318
- On a journey
through the cosmos.
17
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:21,987
[magical poof]
18
00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:24,423
- Doughnut anyone?
19
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,723
- Keep these handy.
20
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,759
You never know when
you'll desperately want one.
21
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,994
I must be off.
22
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,530
- Off?
23
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:36,901
♪
24
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:42,540
Gretta: [lightly snoring]
25
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,443
- Hey,
where's Ms. Hernandez?
26
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:50,148
Mr. Hammond: Good morning,
history buffs.
27
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:54,019
I'm Mr. Hammond
and I'm your new teacher
28
00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:56,021
for this world history class.
29
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,522
Ms. Hernandez has gone
to New York
30
00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,924
to chase her dream of becoming
a puppeteer for The Muppets.
31
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,893
[silence]
32
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:02,828
Class: [soft chuckles]
33
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,629
Which...
34
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:08,267
I maybe wasn't supposed
to tell you, so...
35
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,936
that stays between you, me,
and these four walls.
36
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:11,336
[soft clap]
37
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,804
- Yeah.
38
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,707
Gretta: [lightly snoring]
39
00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:16,908
- Let's get right into it.
40
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,343
History.
41
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,878
What do we mean by that?
42
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:25,650
We talk about history.
43
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,387
Uhh, Gretta Besieged?
44
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,822
Gretta: [startled snore]
45
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:31,890
- Good morning, Gretta.
46
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,291
Gretta: [clears throat]
47
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,660
- Can you tell us
what you think history means?
48
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:36,128
Gretta: Certainly.
49
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,396
Uh.
50
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,298
A record kept by scribes
of a bygone time
51
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:47,639
detailing acts of valor
or villainy.
52
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,674
Mr. Hammond: Uh,
history definition, take it.
53
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,377
- Events that have
happened in the past.
54
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,244
Mr. Hammond: Okay.
55
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:54,946
You're not wrong.
56
00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:57,015
But what about all that stuff
that happened in the past
57
00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:58,817
that nobody remembers?
58
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:00,418
Those forgotten things,
59
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:02,988
which is almost everything
actually.
60
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,390
Are they still history?
61
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,959
I would encourage you
to doubt history.
62
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,162
Mistrust it.
63
00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:13,198
Consider it the dirty,
rotten liar that it is.
64
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,801
'Cause history isn't a record
65
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,336
of all the things
that've happened.
66
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:22,741
It's a story of what
we've chosen to remember.
67
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,543
♪
68
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,744
Dwight: Okay, so about
a thousand years ago
69
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,447
there was this princess, Gretta,
and she was in big trouble
70
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:33,285
'cause she had lots of enemies
and not a lot of friends.
71
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:37,355
So her court magician Baldric
cast the champion spell.
72
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:38,556
It put everyone in the woods
to sleep
73
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,260
until a champion would come,
break the spell with his kiss,
74
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,928
and deal with Gretta's big,
scary enemies.
75
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,163
But that guy never showed up.
76
00:02:45,099 --> 00:02:45,564
Instead...
77
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,765
Ahhhh!
78
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,666
[kiss]
79
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,668
...they got me.
80
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:50,535
Ah!
81
00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:54,939
♪
82
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:55,440
Ow!
83
00:02:55,508 --> 00:03:05,317
♪
84
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:15,694
[school bell ringing]
85
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,062
Mr. Hammond: Hey there Gretta.
86
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,797
Um, do either of your parents
have any flexibility
87
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,832
in their schedule?
88
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,567
- I shouldn't think so.
89
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:27,105
The one is dead
and the other is an oak tree.
90
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,541
- But her guardian
is pretty much available
91
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:32,643
pretty much all the time.
92
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,312
- Well, um.
93
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,181
Please give this
to your uh, guardian,
94
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:40,018
and um, let me know
if tonight would work.
95
00:03:39,954 --> 00:03:41,086
Gretta: Tonight?
96
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,021
Dwight: Here it comes.
97
00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:45,190
Look, you miss school,
you blow off homework,
98
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,125
and you sleep through class.
99
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:48,460
This is what you get.
100
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:51,363
Gretta/Baldric:
Parent teacher conference.
101
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,564
Baldric: A summons of some sort.
102
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:53,732
- Oh, he just wants
to talk to you
103
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,734
about how you're doin'
in history.
104
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:56,634
- Oh.
105
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,203
Well why didn't he
just say that then.
106
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:02,307
- He seeks an audience
tonight at six of the clock.
107
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:04,176
- Which is actually
pretty cool of him.
108
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,410
Teachers don't get overtime.
109
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,811
Gretta/Baldric: Hm.
110
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,146
Gretta: Ooo.
111
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:10,582
We must be off.
112
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:11,916
- Will there be food
113
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,918
at this conference
of barren teachers?
114
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,920
Dwight: Uh, not barren teachers.
115
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,889
Gretta: No, Chlodwig,
you are not invited.
116
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,157
This is for Baldric and myself
117
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,593
to chronicle our noble deeds
for posterity.
118
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:24,396
- Wait what?
119
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,631
Baldric: We have much to tell,
Highness.
120
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,166
Gretta: Don't expect us back
before dawn.
121
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,400
Baldric: [chuckling]
122
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:34,473
Ha!
123
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,342
- I should probably
give Mr. Hammond a heads-up.
124
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:42,614
[refrigerator rattling]
125
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:44,082
- Did that come from...?
126
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:48,820
[refrigerator rattling]
127
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,989
- What are you guys putting
in your fridge?
128
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,591
- Only food stuffs
and Baldric's nightgown.
129
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:53,992
- His what?
130
00:04:53,928 --> 00:04:57,095
Why is Baldric's nightgown
in the fridge?
131
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,264
[refrigerator rattling]
132
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,665
- It wants out.
133
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,000
- What does?
134
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,369
- Baldric's nightgown.
135
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,436
- Oh come on.
136
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:08,373
No, there has to be
a logical explanation for--
137
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:09,307
[powerful whoosh]
138
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:18,583
[air hissing]
139
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,218
Dronelover 99:
And we're back!
140
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:23,555
All: [congratulating each other]
141
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,223
Dwight: It's the Guy Club guys.
142
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,758
Chlodwig: Back from the cosmos.
143
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,860
How was your journey, brothers?
144
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,729
Dronelover 99:
Kinda all over the place.
145
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:31,896
Dwight: How did you get back?
146
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,298
- Doughnuts.
147
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,365
- Huh?
148
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:35,734
[refrigerator rattling]
149
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:46,111
[magical whoosh]
150
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:46,978
- [disgustedly] Ughhh.
151
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,080
- Whoa.
152
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,281
Who's that?
153
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,317
Chlodwig: A dead man in a chair.
154
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:53,585
- His name's Phil.
155
00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:54,987
Dwight: Phil?
156
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:56,454
Phil?
157
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:57,789
Phil: [disembodied] That's me.
158
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,425
I'm just happy to be here.
159
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,560
Thug: Phil.
160
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,628
That's Phil.
161
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,131
Dwight: [confused mumbling]
162
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:11,436
- Welcome to Guy Club,
ancient Phil.
163
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:12,704
- Hi.
164
00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:13,238
Dronelover 99:
Not the guy in the wheelchair,
165
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:14,906
the guy in the jar.
166
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:15,907
- Pardon?
167
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,008
Phil: Right here.
168
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,276
See the old guy?
169
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,878
See his hands?
170
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,647
See the jar in his hands?
171
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,949
See the good-looking gas
in the jar?
172
00:06:25,019 --> 00:06:26,151
Dronelover 99: That's Phil.
173
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,486
He's a telepathic gas
we picked up
174
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:30,254
in a realm called Feeech.
175
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,222
Dwight: Hm.
176
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,290
- [startled yell]
177
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:34,059
I have a plan.
178
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:34,926
Thug: [clears throat]
179
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,395
No you don't Chlodwig.
180
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:38,897
Dronelover 99:
The plan is Chick-Fil-A, dude.
181
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,365
Barkeep: Chicken strips!
182
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:43,535
Thug: Yeah.
183
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,569
- Chlodwig?
184
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:50,309
- Impossible.
185
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:55,480
♪
186
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,882
Chlodwig/Old Chlodwig:
Balderdash!
187
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,517
Enough of this.
188
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:03,121
How dare you, sir.
189
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,923
- Holy cow.
190
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,558
Chlodwig, is that really you?
191
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,826
Old Chlodwig: Never doubt me.
192
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,328
Chlodwig: Look at me.
193
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,664
I'm so old.
194
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,099
Phil: Mm, 108.
195
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,500
- Eh?
196
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,369
Speak up, you poop-noddy.
197
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,405
Phil: We picked him up
on a visit to the future realm.
198
00:07:20,341 --> 00:07:21,439
He wanted to come back
199
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:25,010
to give a message
to a princess and a magician.
200
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,778
Dwight: You mean Gretta
and Baldric?
201
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,112
- Where are they?
202
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,447
Dwight: At a parent teacher
conference
203
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:30,349
with Mr. Hammond.
204
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,950
- Ohhh.
205
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:41,726
I must tell them...
206
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:48,199
[snoring]
207
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,036
Dwight: So this is pretty much
Woodside.
208
00:07:52,106 --> 00:07:53,905
Nice town,
great place to grow up.
209
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,173
Phil: So, what should I do
while I'm here?
210
00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:57,376
Dwight: Well, really depends
on what you're into.
211
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,310
Uh, we have a lot
of great hiking trails.
212
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,812
There's a waterfall
not too far from here.
213
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:02,414
Chlodwig: Potato chips.
214
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,382
Phil: I'm game for everything.
215
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:08,286
But time is a limiting factor.
216
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,588
I don't wanna overstay
my welcome.
217
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,290
Dwight: Nah, Phil,
we love having you here.
218
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,424
Phil: Well you say that now
219
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,693
but you'll be singin'
a different tune
220
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,127
when I destroy
all carbon-based life
221
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:19,431
on this planet.
222
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,565
- Pardon?
223
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,633
Phil: It'll be like
224
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,002
a high-pitched
screamy kind of tune.
225
00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,070
- Why would you
wanna do that?
226
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,271
Phil: Oh, I wouldn't.
227
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:30,608
But given the highly unusual
atmosphere you guys have here,
228
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:34,178
my containment in this jar
is really unstable.
229
00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:36,681
- When you say unstable...
230
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,017
Phil: Well, this is what we
in Guy Club
231
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,053
call a mayonnaise jar.
232
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:44,522
It wasn't really designed
to contain something like me,
233
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:47,459
especially not in a place
like this.
234
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,362
And when I finally
break through?
235
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,998
So we should probably just hit
the Woodside highlights
236
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,667
and get me back to Feeech.
237
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:57,235
Chlodwig: You have seen all.
238
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:58,103
Dwight: Check mark on Woodside.
239
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:04,876
Let's get you home.
240
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:05,811
How do we do that?
241
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,613
Like right now?
242
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:13,017
Phil: We need a Doughnut.
243
00:09:13,087 --> 00:09:14,218
- A doughnut?
244
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:16,954
Phil: From the box Arnolf
gave to Chlodwig in the cosmos.
245
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,957
Not you Chlodwig, the old one.
246
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:23,462
He keeps them
under his wheelie chair seat.
247
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,497
Chlodwig: Where has he gone?
248
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,433
Dwight: Nobody panic.
249
00:09:28,369 --> 00:09:30,135
Chlodwig: [screams]
250
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,669
Dwight: [short shriek]
I said nobody panic!
251
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:34,006
We have to find
old Chlodwig now.
252
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,607
Chlodwig: Sir Dwight.
253
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,776
You are speaking
about a master of stealth,
254
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,579
speed, and agility.
255
00:09:40,514 --> 00:09:42,013
How ever are we to find
such a man?
256
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,949
- Well, we'll just have to
find our own master of stealth,
257
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,584
speed, and agility.
258
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:49,821
Someone who thinks
like Chlodwig.
259
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:52,290
Someone who plans
like Chlodwig.
260
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,759
- Mm-hm.
261
00:09:54,828 --> 00:10:01,199
- Because he is Chlodwig.
262
00:10:01,135 --> 00:10:03,568
- I have it!
263
00:10:03,504 --> 00:10:11,143
Who better to find myself
than myself?
264
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:11,677
- Okay.
265
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:12,811
Let's show some hustle
266
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:17,548
before Phil cracks his jar
and destroys the world.
267
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,818
Phil: Go-o-o guy club!
268
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:27,993
Old Chlodwig: [panting]
269
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,594
Woman: Sir?
270
00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:31,095
Are you okay?
271
00:10:31,165 --> 00:10:33,565
- Where is
the barren teacher conference?
272
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,599
- The what?
273
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:37,335
- The barren teacher conference.
274
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,237
They've gone to meet
with Mr. Hammond.
275
00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:40,505
- You mean
the parent teacher conference?
276
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:41,039
Old Chlodwig: Yeah, that's it.
277
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,140
Where is it?
278
00:10:42,176 --> 00:10:42,907
I must warn them.
279
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,376
Woman: Uh, the school?
280
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,244
Maybe Woodside Elementary?
281
00:10:46,180 --> 00:10:47,879
Woodside Middle?
282
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,014
Woodside High?
283
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:49,747
- That's the one!
284
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:50,349
Uhh.
285
00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:51,450
Which way?
286
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:54,453
Woman: It's about three
or four miles that way.
287
00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:55,887
Sir, do you need a ride?
288
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,689
Old Chlodwig: Oh.
289
00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:01,159
I got a ride.
290
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:05,463
[grunt]
291
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:06,732
Weeee!
292
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:11,936
♪
293
00:11:12,006 --> 00:11:13,538
Dwight: Okay, Chlodwig.
294
00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:15,674
You're 108 years old,
where would you go?
295
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:17,209
Chlodwig: Difficult to say.
296
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,011
I'm an inscrutable,
unpredictable mystery,
297
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,846
Sir Dwight.
298
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,447
Even to myself.
299
00:11:22,383 --> 00:11:23,115
Phil: He has a message
for the princess
300
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,816
and the magician.
301
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:25,484
Dwight: Gretta and Baldric.
302
00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:26,752
Phil: Where are they?
303
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:27,919
Dwight: At the parent teacher
conference.
304
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,454
Chlodwig: After me!
305
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:29,988
Dwight: How you feelin' Phil?
306
00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:31,289
How's that jar?
307
00:11:31,325 --> 00:11:32,256
Phil: Don't worry about it.
308
00:11:32,326 --> 00:11:34,592
Everything's going to be fine.
309
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,695
Until the instant
when it suddenly isn't.
310
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:39,498
Dwight: [nervous groan]
311
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,333
Mr. Hammond: So, Gretta.
312
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:45,303
Tell me a little about
your goals in world history.
313
00:11:45,239 --> 00:11:46,437
- Well, they are
the simple goals
314
00:11:46,507 --> 00:11:47,672
of any monarch.
315
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:51,576
To be remembered as a just,
wise, and benevolent ruler.
316
00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:53,078
Baldric: Her people adore her
317
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:57,649
and her enemies cower in fear
before her.
318
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,184
Write that down.
319
00:11:59,252 --> 00:11:59,985
Mm.
320
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:04,089
♪
321
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:12,264
- [grunting]
322
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,166
Ahhhh!
323
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,669
[crash]
324
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:23,241
[panting]
325
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,542
[spits]
326
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:32,083
[grunting]
327
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:32,751
Runner: Hey there.
328
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,720
Where you headed, buddy?
329
00:12:34,655 --> 00:12:37,689
- To the conference
of parent leeches
330
00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,359
at Woodside High.
331
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:40,925
- All right, well,
I'm headed that way.
332
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,694
You want a push?
333
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:43,761
Yeah?
334
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,465
All right.
335
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:47,465
- Faster!
336
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:50,235
- Faster!
337
00:12:50,304 --> 00:12:51,703
- You wanna do the pedaling?
338
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:56,274
Phil: Uh-oh.
339
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:56,942
Chlodwig: What's amiss?
340
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:57,308
Dwight: Phil said uh-oh.
341
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:58,276
What uh-oh?
342
00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,878
Phil: Oh, never mind.
343
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,413
- Never mind?
344
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,582
Phil: I don't want you guys
to worry.
345
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,517
- We are already worried, Phil.
346
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,485
That mayonnaise jar
is the only thing
347
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,019
keeping you from destroying
all carbon-based life
348
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,087
on this planet.
349
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:09,621
Phil: Well yeah.
350
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:10,989
[light cracking]
351
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,058
And it's cracking.
352
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,060
I don't do well in tight spaces.
353
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,462
I need my wiggle room.
354
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:18,763
- We've gotta get you
out of there.
355
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:19,864
Phil: In the next six
or seven minutes
356
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,232
would be ideal.
357
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,400
- Oh geez.
358
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,402
- I have a plan!
359
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,803
Dwight: Not now Chlodwig.
360
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:25,970
We have to get Phil out
of that mayonnaise jar
361
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,105
and into something
with wiggle room.
362
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,306
- I have it.
363
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,708
Dwight: Chlodwig,
364
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:30,908
the world is gonna end
in five to six minutes
365
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:32,978
if we don't think of something.
366
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:36,815
Children: [squealing]
367
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:38,283
Dwight: Oh, that could work.
368
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:40,718
Runner: Okay man.
369
00:13:40,788 --> 00:13:44,356
So, Woodside High is just
a block that way.
370
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,457
Sorry, but I got a brisket
in the crock pot.
371
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,227
Chlodwig: Ohhh,
I know that feeling.
372
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,062
Runner: All right, so you sure
you got it from here?
373
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,664
- Most certainly.
374
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:53,798
I'm quite capable.
375
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,834
Runner: All right, well you have
a good one brother.
376
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:59,338
Old Chlodwig: [panting]
377
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:08,847
[grunting]
378
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,049
Oh floof.
379
00:14:10,985 --> 00:14:19,223
Ahhhhh!
380
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,727
Dwight: Okay.
381
00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:24,162
Justin: Okay Phil.
382
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,430
Nozzle valve's in place.
383
00:14:25,366 --> 00:14:26,297
Phil: Great!
384
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:28,267
Thanks Justin!
385
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:29,534
Chlodwig, you found a hammer?
386
00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:31,003
Chlodwig: Yes.
387
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:34,439
Phil: Now ever so gently,
suuuper gently,
388
00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:37,709
just as extra incredibly gently
as you can,
389
00:14:37,745 --> 00:14:39,210
hammer the nozzle valve
390
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,812
through the lid
of the mayonnaise jar
391
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:43,815
while being veeery gentle.
392
00:14:43,751 --> 00:14:45,250
Dwight: This is it guys.
393
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,518
Phil: Did you get
the gentle part?
394
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:47,719
Dwight: Chlodwig?
395
00:14:47,788 --> 00:14:49,354
No matter what happens,
396
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,890
you're always gonna be
my brother.
397
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,191
Oh and Justin,
398
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:57,062
it's been an honor knowing you
these past five or six minutes.
399
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,597
- Let's save the world, men.
400
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:00,899
You ready, Phil?
401
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,300
Phil: Ready!
402
00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:04,302
Gently.
403
00:15:04,238 --> 00:15:05,804
Gennntly.
404
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:06,938
[pop!]
405
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,775
Dwight/Justin/Chlodwig: [shriek]
406
00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:11,376
Phil: That girl is adorable,
407
00:15:11,445 --> 00:15:16,581
but I'm about to destroy
the world.
408
00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:17,616
[tap, tap]
409
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:17,949
Phil: Gently!
410
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:18,884
[tap]
411
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:23,655
Justin: [frightened groan]
412
00:15:23,724 --> 00:15:25,223
We have pressure!
413
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,157
Dwight: Okay.
414
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:31,096
Moving balloon into position.
415
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,964
Justin: Commencing
gas transference.
416
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:35,000
See you on the other side Phil.
417
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:39,637
[air hissing]
418
00:15:39,707 --> 00:15:41,173
Phil: Well done, boys!
419
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:46,811
Dwight/Justin/Chlodwig:
[relieved laughter]
420
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:51,450
Phil: And that's how
you do that.
421
00:15:51,385 --> 00:16:00,925
Old Chlodwig: [panting]
422
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,697
[grunts]
423
00:16:05,733 --> 00:16:07,366
You jabber-nulling,
pop-doodling,
424
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:12,938
yellow-feathered liver-eater!
425
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,839
Dwight: [sigh]
426
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:15,707
You good, Phil?
427
00:16:15,776 --> 00:16:16,441
You got your wiggle room?
428
00:16:16,377 --> 00:16:17,175
Phil: Oh yeah.
429
00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:19,244
So much better.
430
00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:21,713
This ought to hold me
for a good 40 minutes.
431
00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:23,014
- Forty minutes?
432
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,350
Phil: An eternity
on some worlds.
433
00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:27,519
- Well on this world
it's 40 minutes!
434
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,987
Chlodwig: We must find
my ancient self
435
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:34,392
and retrieve
my ancient doughnuts.
436
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:38,162
Dwight: Time's tickin'.
437
00:16:38,232 --> 00:16:39,464
Gretta: By the age of 10
438
00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:41,066
I had already vanquished
a dragon
439
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,902
and driven a mob of orcs
out of my kingdom.
440
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,304
- Your kingdom?
441
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,705
- Rogemore,
we've been over this.
442
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:50,275
Baldric: Long may it flourish.
443
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:51,843
- Wow.
444
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,044
I sure appreciate you both
coming in.
445
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,512
- Ooh!
446
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,181
Which leads us
to my early adolescence.
447
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,583
Baldric: Ha.
448
00:16:57,651 --> 00:16:58,650
Gretta: A time of trial
that tempered me
449
00:16:58,719 --> 00:17:01,052
like a fine steel blade.
450
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:02,621
- Oh-ho!
451
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,389
Indeed.
452
00:17:04,325 --> 00:17:07,192
This is good.
453
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:16,601
- [struggling]
454
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:18,536
Huzzah!
455
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,106
Victory.
456
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,975
[grunting]
457
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,409
- Man.
458
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:25,611
That's quite a story.
459
00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:27,279
- Ah.
460
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:27,645
Mr. Hammond: But,
it's getting kind of late so--
461
00:17:27,681 --> 00:17:29,281
Baldric: Oh!
462
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,149
But we're just getting
to the good part.
463
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,850
- Of course you are.
464
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,919
Gretta: Now, imagine my surprise
when I awaken
465
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:37,022
to see Sir Dwight
staring me in the face.
466
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,090
- [laughing]
467
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:39,958
- Dwight?
468
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,326
- Not what I expected
469
00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:42,794
but he has risen to the task
commendably.
470
00:17:42,863 --> 00:17:43,861
- Mm.
471
00:17:43,931 --> 00:17:44,730
- From world history class?
472
00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:46,398
Gretta: Indeed, yes.
473
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:46,998
Mr. Hammond: The kid who sits
in the front row?
474
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,133
- That's the one.
475
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:50,168
- The guy
who volunteered to organize
476
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,369
the history fair?
477
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,472
Old Chlodwig: Where is the
errant teacher conference?
478
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:55,006
Mr. Hammond: What the--
479
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,207
[confused stuttering]
480
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:57,843
Is he with you?
481
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,411
Gretta: Are you lost,
ancient one?
482
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:01,246
- Gretta?
483
00:18:01,315 --> 00:18:02,514
[gasp]
484
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,182
Gretta: Do I know you?
485
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:07,753
Old Chlodwig: I have a warning
from the future.
486
00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:08,620
- From the future?
487
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,322
- What warning?
488
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:14,092
- Doom, doom, doooom!
489
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,627
Mr. Hammond: Sir, are you okay?
490
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:16,794
Old Chlodwig: Ohh,
out of my way.
491
00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:23,869
Gretta, Baldric,
you must listen.
492
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,837
- I think
he might be having a stroke.
493
00:18:25,906 --> 00:18:27,772
- Step aside.
494
00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:28,840
- We're listening.
495
00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:30,942
What is your warning?
496
00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:32,811
- My warning.
497
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,079
Baldric/Gretta: Yes.
498
00:18:34,014 --> 00:18:35,079
Old Chlodwig: Eh, um,
I don't recall.
499
00:18:35,149 --> 00:18:36,748
I'm um...
500
00:18:36,684 --> 00:18:42,688
I know I had a warning
and it was a very good warning.
501
00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:46,524
It was, um.
502
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:52,531
Never eat the last lemon fritter
at a dwarf banquet.
503
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,499
- Prince Chlodwig?
504
00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:55,434
Dwight: [short yelp]
505
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,301
Chlodwig!
506
00:18:57,371 --> 00:18:58,937
Chlodwig: Ancient self.
507
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,672
Mr. Hammond: Dwight,
do you know this man?
508
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:01,406
Dwight: Yeah.
509
00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:02,840
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
510
00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:03,709
No, no, he's with me.
511
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:04,643
I'm with him.
512
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:05,943
I just, I have to find a, a...
513
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,980
Old Chlodwig:
Hands to your own person.
514
00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:09,715
- They're not here.
515
00:19:09,783 --> 00:19:11,083
Gretta: What's not here?
516
00:19:11,018 --> 00:19:12,116
- The doughnuts Phil,
they're not here.
517
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,084
- Who's Phil?
518
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:13,952
Phil: That's me.
519
00:19:14,021 --> 00:19:15,053
Just passin' through.
520
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:16,388
[laughs]
521
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:17,922
Little gas joke.
522
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,425
- Where are the doughnuts,
grandpa?
523
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:23,929
- They're all gone.
524
00:19:23,864 --> 00:19:25,063
Baldric: We can stop
for more doughnuts
525
00:19:25,132 --> 00:19:26,431
on the way home, Sir Dwight.
526
00:19:26,467 --> 00:19:29,133
Dwight: No, no, no,
we need his doughnuts.
527
00:19:29,203 --> 00:19:35,940
Old Chlodwig: I used them up
getting here.
528
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:36,708
- Can we still stop
and get doughnuts
529
00:19:36,744 --> 00:19:38,410
on the way home?
530
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:39,711
- How much time
we got, Phil?
531
00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:45,650
Phil: Feels like oh, I'd say
about 20 minutes-ish.
532
00:19:45,719 --> 00:19:49,354
- Where are your doughnuts,
you fop-doodle?
533
00:19:49,423 --> 00:19:50,889
Chlodwig: Fop-doodle?
534
00:19:50,824 --> 00:19:53,992
- Think, you lubber-wart.
535
00:19:54,061 --> 00:19:54,459
- Oh.
536
00:19:54,395 --> 00:19:56,161
- Oh dear.
537
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,964
Old Chlodwig: Your first journey
through the cosmos.
538
00:19:58,899 --> 00:20:06,471
What did Uncle Arnolf give you
to bring back?
539
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,974
Dwight/Chlodwig: Doughnuts!
540
00:20:08,909 --> 00:20:10,041
Dwight: Go, go!
541
00:20:10,110 --> 00:20:11,376
Gotta go.
542
00:20:11,312 --> 00:20:12,144
Thanks, Mr. Hammond.
543
00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:13,411
Love your class!
544
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,580
[hurried groaning]
545
00:20:15,616 --> 00:20:16,815
- Same time tomorrow.
546
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:22,187
Hm.
547
00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:23,455
Dwight: You didn't
throw them away did you?
548
00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,490
Gretta: Uncle Arnolf
told us not to.
549
00:20:25,426 --> 00:20:27,158
Baldric: He said they could
prove useful.
550
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,261
Phil: That guy's hilarious.
551
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:30,662
- The ice box.
552
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,963
Chlodwig: Oh.
553
00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:41,273
Dwight/Chlodwig: [grunting]
554
00:20:44,011 --> 00:20:45,577
Baldric: My nightgown!
555
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:48,346
Dwight: Okay, I gotta know
before Phil blows us all up.
556
00:20:48,382 --> 00:20:51,249
Why is your nightgown
in the freezer?
557
00:20:51,185 --> 00:20:54,086
Baldric: I like a cold nightgown
on a warm night.
558
00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:55,554
- And why not?
559
00:20:55,622 --> 00:21:01,159
- Huzzah!
560
00:21:01,095 --> 00:21:02,827
Two left.
561
00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:03,895
Phil: Take one out,
throw it up in the air,
562
00:21:03,964 --> 00:21:05,831
and I will do the rest.
563
00:21:05,899 --> 00:21:07,232
Oh!
564
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:11,403
And don't any of you think about
any specific times or locations
565
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:12,938
while the doughnut's in the air.
566
00:21:12,873 --> 00:21:14,106
You don't wanna confuse it.
567
00:21:14,041 --> 00:21:15,641
- 'Kay?
568
00:21:15,709 --> 00:21:19,210
So I'll just think
of Cap'n Crunch.
569
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:22,747
I mean that can't be considered
a time or a destination, right?
570
00:21:22,816 --> 00:21:25,217
Phil: We'll see, won't we?
571
00:21:25,152 --> 00:21:28,653
Baldric: I shall think
of my toes.
572
00:21:28,722 --> 00:21:31,757
Gretta: I shall think about
how to spell perseverance.
573
00:21:31,825 --> 00:21:33,425
Baldric: Ah.
574
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,192
Chlodwig: Wait, wait, wait.
575
00:21:34,128 --> 00:21:35,260
- Gotta go.
576
00:21:35,328 --> 00:21:37,529
Lives of billions hangin'
in the balance here, man.
577
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,364
- I've got it.
578
00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:44,702
I shall think of nothing at all.
579
00:21:44,772 --> 00:21:45,503
Dwight: Love it.
580
00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:46,538
Ready, Phil?
581
00:21:46,607 --> 00:21:48,407
Phil: Nice meeting you guys.
582
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:50,976
Glad I didn't blow you all
to smithers.
583
00:21:51,044 --> 00:21:51,977
- Ready?
584
00:21:52,045 --> 00:21:56,214
Phil: Ready.
585
00:21:56,283 --> 00:21:59,484
Take me to Feeeeech!
586
00:21:59,553 --> 00:22:04,456
[magical whoosh]
587
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:06,624
Dwight: [nervous breathing]
588
00:22:06,694 --> 00:22:07,292
Wow.
589
00:22:07,361 --> 00:22:08,426
Okay.
590
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,929
I need to, I need to sit down.
591
00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:13,865
- My turn.
592
00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:16,067
- Not so soon, ancient self.
593
00:22:16,136 --> 00:22:18,336
We have so much to discuss.
594
00:22:18,272 --> 00:22:19,705
- It's time to go.
595
00:22:19,773 --> 00:22:21,039
- But...
596
00:22:21,108 --> 00:22:23,542
my future.
597
00:22:23,610 --> 00:22:28,380
What must I know?
598
00:22:28,448 --> 00:22:36,355
- You already know
everything you must know.
599
00:22:36,423 --> 00:22:39,858
- Farewell, ancient self.
600
00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:47,131
- Get on with it,
you whippersnapper.
601
00:22:47,167 --> 00:22:50,569
Take me to my lady's arms.
602
00:22:50,504 --> 00:22:54,739
[magical whoosh]
603
00:22:54,808 --> 00:22:57,709
Gretta: [short laugh]
604
00:22:57,777 --> 00:23:01,512
Dwight: Did he say lady's arms?
605
00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:03,014
Gretta: Incredible.
606
00:23:02,950 --> 00:23:05,083
- Tell us.
607
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:06,551
What was the message
608
00:23:06,619 --> 00:23:08,854
my ancient self so wanted
to share with you?
609
00:23:08,922 --> 00:23:11,056
Gretta: Oh.
610
00:23:10,991 --> 00:23:12,824
[clears throat]
611
00:23:12,893 --> 00:23:18,129
Never eat the last lemon fritter
at a dwarf banquet.
612
00:23:18,198 --> 00:23:19,597
- You're kidding me.
613
00:23:19,666 --> 00:23:23,001
That was the message?
614
00:23:23,070 --> 00:23:23,968
- Excellent advice.
615
00:23:24,004 --> 00:24:00,238
♪
616
00:24:00,288 --> 00:24:04,838
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