Original subtitles

- Someone is unearthing the Tovenaar's bones.

- Do you know anything about a big hole

in somebody's lawn out on Oak Street?

- Or any of the other holes

that have appeared here recently?

- Get inside.

I don't know what I do at night.

From sundown to sunrise,

[clatter ]

i- it's a blank.

I found something this morning in my pocket.

- Any idea where this came from?

Mr. Dale: From there.

Hexela: He has the bones, Baldric.

Baldric: How many?

Hexela: All but one.

Mr. Dale: Wake up.

Wake up!

[whack]

Yow!

[shaking mouth]

[scared sounds]

Dwight: Gretta, you okay?

Gretta: What happened?

- Looks like the bad guys got us.

Mr. Dale: [sighs]

I heard them talking.

I don't know why, but they're assembling a skeleton.

- You're certain?

Mr. Dale: They said they had 205 bones.

- That's what you were adding up on the napkin.

Mr. Dale: And only one left to find.

- Thank goodness!

- Why are we thanking goodness?

- They don't know where the last bone is.

Mr. Dale: Interesting.

Are you saying you do know where it is?

- That's the Tovenaar relic Wenzo Thief stole

and hid in our flagon.

- The little box thing.

Gretta: That's what Sir Aldred was looking for

that day in my castle.

- And then we ended up doing the Hopak

for like an hour.

Mr. Dale: Go back to where you said it was in your flagon.

Is it still there?

- [grunts]

No, I gave it to Hexela.

- Hexela?

- For safe keeping.

- Ah.

Music to my ears.

[latch clanks]

[rolling]

[footsteps]

- Well-played, brother.

- Whaaat?!

♪

Dwight: Okay, so, about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta,

and she was in big trouble,

because she had lots of enemies and not a lot of friends.

So, her court magician, Baldric, cast the Champion Spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss,

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead--

Aaaahhh!

[kiss]

They got me.

Aahh!

♪

Ow!

♪

♪

♪

- No!

[rustling]

- Mr. Dale, what are you doing?

Mr. Dale: [grunts]

Gretta: [breathing heavily]

Dwight: Ewww.

Gretta: [gasps]

Sir Aldred: Allow me to present Hildenfff-- fff--

- --frufrick.

- Ah, yes.

Hildenfrufrick, my Tovenaar brother.

- Oh, of course.

- Hildenfrufrick.

Mr. Dale: That's my name.

- Really? You're all buying that?

Gretta: This Tovenaar has possessed Mr. Dale's body.

This... Hildenfrufrick.

Dwight: I'm sorry, that's a totally made-up name.

Mr. Dale: Now can we eat their brains and innards?

Sir Aldred: Why not?

This calls for a celebration!

[soft thwapping]

[panicked breathing]

Jacopo: How may I serve you, Magnifico?

- Two tankards of your best.

Mr. Dale: And a cleaver.

Jacopo: With the greatest of haste.

[frightened breathing]

Mr. Dale: So, who is this Hexela?

- Remember?

The witch.

The one I told you about.

The sock.

- Oh. Her?

- Yeah.

- Really?

Ooh!

[knocking]

- Ah, our libation.

Sir Aldred: Ah.

♪

Jacopo: Your Shasta, Eccellenza,

with a meat-a cleaver on the side.

[laughs evilly]

[frightened breathing]

Mr. Dale: A toast.

Sir Aldred: Ah.

Mr. Dale: To...

Sir Aldred, without whose help,

I would forever be a pile of dismembered bones.

- And to you, Helgefriffred...

the first of my fallen brothers to rise from the ground.

- First of many.

Sir Aldred: Hear, hear!

[laughing]

Jacopo: Do these two snotty-nosed children

disturb you?

Allow me to dispose of them for you.

It will take me but a moment

and give me [chuckling] mountains of joy.

Mr. Dale: Well, everything but the brains and innards.

Oh, and bring me a skillet.

Sir Aldred: We've no time for brains and innards,

Hilbenfluffnick.

You keep watch.

I'm off.

Mr. Dale: To find the witch?

- Yes, indeed.

And I give you my word,

I shall return with your proximal phalanx.

[clapping]

[frightened breathing]

- Neither the princess nor Sir Dwight answer

when I beckon.

- We can't wait, Baldric.

- Hexela, we go now to fight a Tovenaar.

- [sighs]

Baldric: I cannot charge into certain death

without taking proper leave of the princess.

- Oh, Baldric.

You really are a-

[door opens]

[gasps]

Sir Aldred: Ah.

There you are, my darling.

Hexela: Now--

[deep magical reverberation]

- Hexie!

[crash]

[grunting]

Sir Aldred: Do you know this one?

- I do.

- I don't.

Hexela: Uh, it's a Magnet Maker.

Sir Aldred: Right you are.

You were drawn to the floor like a lump of iron to a magnet.

Hexela: [frustrated grunt]

Sir Aldred: Always delightful.

Hexela: [grunting]

Sir Aldred: Ah.

Just like old times.

- No.

Oh!

[whir]

Stop right there, you cad!

Oh!

This is a gross invasion of my privacy!

- Now to find the key.

[whistling]

♪

[clinking]

[creaking]

♪

Baldric: Halt! Thief!

- Wait!

Can't we talk, my love?

Baldric: What--

Hexela: Huh?

I miss us.

I miss the way we were.

Huh?

[giggling]

- Another time, dearest.

- Huh?

Sir Aldred: When we're not quite so rushed.

- [frustrated] Oohh.

[door opens]

- [humpf]

- Boop.

Boop.

Yay!

- Yay!

- [chuckles]

- Bellisima!

Principessa.

Champion Boy.

This is a very bad place for you.

Dwight: Yeah, we know.

Gretta: [whispering] Cut us loose.

- I-- I--

- Pineapple Shasta, my good man.

- Certamente.

Signore.

[thunk]

Jacopo: [clears throat]

I will return in...

one minute's time.

Maybe two minutes.

Shall we say 90 seconds at the maximum?

- Splendid.

- Si.

Grazie.

I go.

Mr. Dale: Ha-ha.

[chuckling]

[metallic swish]

Gretta: We're saved.

Dwight: Only if I can cut through this in 90 seconds!

[cutting]

- [gasps]

Gretta: [breathing heavily]

- Yay!

Gretta and Dwight: One, two, three.

Jacopo: Ready, everybody,

for more of the bubbly Shasta?

[cutting]

- [chugging]

- We'll just be going now.

Right now.

[final metallic swish]

We go!

- [spits]

Hold it!

Sir Aldred: Huzzah!

Jacopo: Porca miseria.

- Not now.

Sit!

[crash]

The day is ours, brother!

- [gasps]

You got it.

[metallic swish]

[click]

Sir Aldred: Would you do the honors?

[dramatic music]

- It's so little!

Sir Aldred: This is the moment we've been waiting for

for centuries.

♪

- I feel I should make a speech.

Sir Aldred: Put the bone in the toe, Hibbenfruffel.

Mr. Dale: Right away.

- At long last.

- Heaven preserve us.

♪

[whooshing]

[bones crackling]

[whooshing]

[bones crackling]

- We run away now, si?

Dwight and Gretta: [agreeing]

Jacopo: Go, go.

[whooshing and crackling]

Jacopo: The demon lives!

Scatter to the winds!

Hide in the caves!

Save the children!

- Stop!

What do we do?

- Run for our lives.

Dwight: What?!

Gretta: [grunting] No.

- Really?

That's all you've got?

We need some kind of plan!

Are you calling the police?

- I am getting as far away from here as I can.

Jacopo: Bravo, signore.

I go in search of a deep cavern to hide myself

while the world ends in flames.

Addio!

[running]

Mr. Dale: I'm thinking Madagascar.

Oh! Here's my Uber.

- To Madagascar?

Mr. Dale: Airport!

- Come, Sir Dwight.

[door opens]

- No! Baldric!

Baldric!

Baldric: Princess!

- Are you hurt?

Baldric: We're stuck.

- To the floor.

Dwight: Stuck with like, glue?

- With a Magnet Maker spell.

- May the spell be broken?

Hexela: Yes.

Quickly, Sir Aldred has taken the last Tovenaar Relic.

Baldric: We must stop him before he--

- Too late.

- [grumbles] No.

Dwight: Skeleton guy's back.

- Oh.

Dwight: But at least Mr. Dale's not possessed anymore.

Huh?

- Where is he?

- On a flight to Madagascar.

- The Tovenaar.

Gretta: He's with Sir Aldred at the Swine and Slosh Tavern.

- Quickly!

The gloves!

Baldric: On the floor.

Hexela: Aahh!

Don't touch them!

Are you mad?!

[growl]

My teapot, on the table.

Yes.

Dwight: Um...

Hexela: Pour the tea on the gloves.

- Oh.

Uh...

[sizzling]

[sizzling]

[whooshing]

- Oh!

Baldric: [grunts]

- You drink that stuff?

Hexela: [grunting]

Baldric: [panting]

A second Tovenaar has risen.

Hexela: Are you certain?

- We watched it with our own eyes.

Baldric and Hexela: [sigh]

- Maybe we're making a way bigger deal than it is.

There was one Tovenaar, now there's two.

Is that really the end of the world?

Gretta, Hexela, and Baldric: Yes.

- 'Kay.

Gretta: They won't stop at two.

They intend to bring all the Tovenaars back.

Baldric, what shall we do?

- Run.

Dwight: Wait!

Hey, hey, hey, what do you mean, run?

Run where?

Hexela: Why not Madagascar?

- We already know somebody there!

- Yes!

Dwight: [stammering]

Gretta!

Somebody has to stop these guys.

If not us, then who's going to do it?

- You...

want to fight a brotherhood of Tovenaars?

- There's two guys.

- Technically a brotherhood.

- Look, I don't wanna fight anybody.

But we can't just run and--

and let the dark times return.

- What is your plan, Sir Dwight?

- Okay, um...

So, I--

I know Tovenaars are hard to kill.

- Impossible.

Dwight: They die, they come back,

they die, they come back.

- 'Tis a problem.

Dwight: But there has to be a way to make them dead-dead.

- Uh-- Wh--

- None that I know of.

- To Madagascar.

Hexela: But that is not to say

that someone else may not know the answer.

- Who?

- An ancient creature, with ancient knowledge.

[clap]

There is much to do.

We leave at first light.

Baldric: [grunts in agreement]

[crackling]

[whooshing]

- [high-pitched giggling]

[clears throat]

- Sporg?

Sporg!

Sporg: Now, before you do anything rash--

[hard slap]

Sporg: Ah.

Sir Aldred: Of all the Tovenaars in all the world -

- You broke my new nose!

- It had to be you!

- You might at least pretend to be happy to see me.

Sir Aldred: [groans]

Sporg: We're part of the same brotherhood.

- If I'd have known it was you,

I would have left you in the ground.

- I thought you might feel that way.

Sir Aldred: [muttering] Hilgenfreffrick.

- I had to make something up.

Sir Aldred: It's all your fault.

- That's not fair.

- If I had been at our last battle,

the Tovenaars might have won!

We might still be ruling the world!

- Who's to say, really?

Sir Aldred: But I wasn't there, was I, Sporg?

I couldn't make it, could I?

- Now brother, that was ages ago.

- You pushed me in a sticky bog.

Sporg: Not on purpose!

- Every man in our brotherhood fell that day,

and I was stuck in a sticky bog!

Sporg: Well...

yes, they're pridefully sticky.

Sir Aldred: [scoffs]

[sighs]

I can't do this anymore.

- Now, now.

You're just exhausted.

- Fifteen centuries I toiled night and day

to bring back my fallen brothers.

- And look!

I'm here!

Sir Aldred: It's not worth it.

[thump]

- The chance at unrivaled power is not worth it?

- No.

Sporg: All the brains and innards you can eat

is not worth it?

- You're just in this for the brains and innards,

aren't you?

- I enjoy the spoils of world dominion, yes.

Sir Aldred: [scoffs]

- Together, brother,

we can bring back the dark times.

- I'd rather be a pig farmer.

A dung merchant.

A rat catcher.

Sporg: Come now.

We can still rule the world in tyranny!

Sir Aldred: [sighs]

- You know you want to!

Hexela: Here.

I printed out the words for everyone.

Baldric: Hm.

Hexela: There we go.

Baldric: [clears throat]

Baldric: Uuargghhwaaappppfffttt.

Hexela: A little more gghh on the uuargghh.

Baldric: [gghhs]

Hexela: Hexcellent.

Dwight: Um, what does this mean?

Hexela: Oh, it loosely translates to...

[screaming] "Help!

"For the sake of the children!

"For the love of humanity!

Save us!"

- 'Kay.

Hexela: Together on three.

[clears throat]

Dwight: Wait, no, I--

Hexela: One, two, three.

Dwight: Wait, uh--

All: Uuargghhwaaappppfffttt!

Mwagghhwagghwa!

Pthhh!

Gheeegh!

[guttural sounds]

[spitting]

Hexela: Sh.

Dwight: [spits]

[bird chirping]

Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]

- Winnie!

- [speaking Wyvernese]

Hexela: [speaking Wyvernese]

Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]

Hexela: [speaking Wyvernese]

Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]

Hexela: [snorts]

Dwight: [snorts]

Winnie: [spits]

Hexela: [gasps]

The evil that was buried here now walks the earth.

Will you flee, or will you fight?

- Both options suck.

- Yes.

Dwight: It doesn't do anybody any good to pick a fight

with dudes who can't die.

- There must be a way to return them

to their graves for good.

- [grunts]

- [speaking Wyvernese]

- You mean, to make them dead-dead?

- Yeah.

- [speaking Wyvernese]

Hexela: There is one way.

Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]

Hexela: Others have tried.

Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]

Hexela: All have failed.

Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]

Hexela: But they were not you.

Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]

- Me?

- [speaking Wyvernese]

[whoosh]

Hexela: Every man in the Tovenaar brotherhood

is marked with a brand burning in an immortal flame.

The mark of this flame is what keeps him alive.

[chewing]

Hexela: Oh, do you want me to--

Oh.

Put out the flame.

Just psstt.

- That - that's it?

Hexela: Uh-huh, psstt.

Dwight: You just--

- Where is the immortal flame?

- [speaking Wyvernese]

Hexela: It burns in a cave.

Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]

Hexela: High in the--

Winnie: [speaking Wyvernese]

- [gasps] Pyrenees.

Dwight: Wait, wait, wait, the Pyrenees Mountains?

In Spain?

Gretta: How shall we get to the Pyrenees?

Baldric: Hm.

We'll need a team of stout horses

and a wagon for supplies.

We will sell those for a ship once we reach the sea.

Gretta: There's no time for such a journey.

Dwight: Uh...

Gretta: Surely, you must have a spell that can get us there.

Baldric: Even with my scepter, I don't think I could, Highness.

Gretta: What of you?

Hexela: [laughs]

I mean, I do have my talents, to be sure, but this is...

[chewing]

Baldric: We would need someone who can bend time and space.

- I think I know a guy.

- [speaking Wyvernese]

- Hm. You know,

I think this last resurrection took a few pounds off.

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

Sir Aldred: I could have been a haberdasher.

My parents were haberdashers.

They were happy people.

Sporg: You've just had a nasty shock.

- Sporg, this will never work.

I'm an immensely powerful wizard

and you're a dim-witted dingleberry.

- Can a dim-witted dingleberry do this?

[clucking like a chicken]

- I'm leaving.

[raven crowing]

Sporg: [crowing]

[raven crowing]

[Sporg and raven crowing]

- What are you doing?

- Uh, just chit-chat for the moment.

Breaking the ice.

[raven crowing]

- You talk to ravens.

- [scoffs] Not just to ravens, brother.

To any winged, feathered fowl.

Birds are a remarkable source of information.

[crowing]

They see practically everything and spread the word

with astonishing speed.

[clicking tongue]

[crowing]

You ever wondered what birds are so busy chirping about

all the time?

- No.

Sporg: And they keep

a remarkably-detailed oral history.

- Good to know.

[raven crowing]

And now I bid you a final definitive goodbye.

- Just ask it.

Ask it anything.

- Where are the bones of the other Tovenaars?

- [crowing and clicking]

[raven crowing]

- Uh, in secret places all over the world.

- Hm.

Knew that.

[raven crowing]

- But, Osric the Grim wanted to make sure

that no Tovenaar skeleton could ever be rebuilt,

so he kept one bone from each Tovenaar

and hid them all in a secret and secure place.

- Go on.

[scratching]

Gretta: [sighs]

My most revered Uncle Arnolf,

I seek an audience with your impressiveness

to discuss a matter of immense and urgent importance

to all humanity, both born and unborn.

- That outta get his attention.

Gretta: Most gratefully,

and with the utmost esteem and awareness

of my total insignificance in the grand cosmic scheme,

Princess Gretta the Besieged.

Baldric: Good.

Now seal it.

[paper crinkling]

- [sighs]

[blows]

♪

- Great.

So, do we mail it to him, or...

[whoosh]

Dwight: Ahh!

Baldric: Let's hope that works.

- What did you do?!

- That's how we send all correspondence

to Uncle Arnolf.

- 'Kay, so, how do we know that he got it?

[knocking]

♪

- [sighs]

♪

♪

♪

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