All language subtitles for Drop The Dead Donkey s02e11 Georges Daughter.eng

And now, drop the dead donkey.

This episode was first
shown in December '91,

in a week in which there
was mounting pressure

on Kenneth Baker to resign,

and the government prepared
for the maastricht summit.

Bloody traffic! Worse than the trains!

When it finally cleared, I was
standing in some traffic lights

and one of these silly sods
started cleaning my windscreen,

and then asked for some money.
Well, I just drove off.

Mind you, I had to go
round three corners

before I could get the
bugger off my bonnet.

And now, I've got a dirty windscreen
where he threw up all over it!

Morning, joy, and how are you?
Are you really interested?

Well, I just thought I'd...
no, I thought not.

What I wanna know is, what
bloody idiot christened her joy?

Lots of city news coming in.

I wonder if the maxwells
will manage to stay afloat?

Rattles tin no.

That will be �1 in the bad Robert
Maxwell joke box, thank you.

I didn't mean to make a joke. Come on.

Just remember, sweetheart,

if anybody asks why you're
here, it's half-term.

Don't call me "sweetheart".
Just remember.

Morning, everybody. This
is my daughter, Deborah.

Hello, Deborah.

Well, we're just about to
have a meeting, sweet...

So, er, why don't you sit in and watch?

So, Deborah, half-term, is it?

No, I've been suspended,
pending a governors' meeting.

Thank you, Deborah. Right, let's get
on with this meeting, shall we?

Bloody lift's broke. I had
to walk all the way up here.

Hello.

Didn't I meet you when I was
doing that school arson story?

Yes, yes, I'm trying
to start the meeting.

Morning, news hounds. Don't
mind me, I'm not here.

I just wanted to let you know

that to ignite the afterburners
on our publicity drive,

I've agreed that tomorrow

a documentary team from the
series hidden eye will film us.

Scaling the rock face of
quality broadcasting.

Oh, god!

Don't worry, Henry, it's no big deal.

Just behave exactly as
you would normally.

You mean, insult the director,
throw up over the soundman

and try and rip the knickers
off the researcher?

Humour, Alex. Excellent.

Gus, what exactly is this...?

Oh, please don't worry, George.

The contract I've negotiated with them

gives us the right to view the
material before they broadcast it.

Right. Dave, what have we got?

There's a new report

on the high levels of ozone
depletion in the atmosphere.

Six months ago,

they were talking about too
much ozone at street level.

I mean, surely they could find a way

of just getting all the ozone down
here up there to fill in the hole.

Yes, right, thank you, Sally.
Moving on...

George, I'm gonna need three or four
minutes on every bulletin tomorrow.

I'm going in with the
police on a dawn raid.

Ah, yes, Damien, I've been
meaning to speak to you.

You do seem to have a very close
relationship with the police.

Yes, George. That's how
we get stories first.

You mean, like the exclusive
you got that time

on the Tariq Yusuf confession...
exactly.

..Three hours before
he'd been arrested?

Yeah, well, I mean...

Obviously, the west Midlands serious
crime squad were an exception.

Yes, very well, Damien.

I'll give you two minutes,
but I'm warning you,

I shall be looking at that
footage very close...

Yes, well, if that's all.

Well, there you go, sweet... Deborah.

Now you've seen an
editorial conference.

Is that it? Well...

You're always claiming it's difficult.

Well, it is difficult.

What? Letting everyone
else walk all over you?

Yeah, I think, perhaps,
you'd better just go and...

..Sit in my office. George.

I just wanted a quick
head-to-head chinwag.

You, um, you do seem to have brought
into the office with you...

Well, how shall I put this?
..Your daughter.

Well, I had no choice.

See, I didn't want to leave
her in the house on her own.

Well, not with the hamster anyway.

Not after last time.

I see. Well, what about your wife?

Well, you see, she's kind of...

She's sort of...

She's left me.

I feel so depressed.

In fact, the past couple of nights,
I've been sitting at home,

and I've just... Burst into tears.

I just keep plunging into despair.

Oh, listen, George, take my advice.

Yes?

It's best not to.

You're looking very smart. Am
I, dear boy? Nothing special.

Not dressing up for the cameras?
Oh, come on.

We hardened professionals
don't worry about that.

Why are you wearing your
Gulf war fancy dress?

It's comfortable.

Oh, my god, it's the teenage
mutant ninja daughter.

Er, Dave?

Do you think you could show
Deborah around the edit suite

whilst we have our meeting?

Right. You'll like that, won't you?

Oh, George, I am so sorry to hear
about your troubles at home.

It's times like these that you
need the support of your friends,

and I think I may be able to help.
Thank you, Henry.

Yes, I know a bit of Portuguese
totty I can fix you up with.

Well, actually...

No, no, no, don't worry, George.
She's not too choosy.

Henry! What?

What? For god's sake, show
a bit of sensitivity.

Mr dent? Oh, hello. Erm,
everything all right?

Well, it would've been

if somebody hadn't ripped half
the wiring out of the lift.

We had to carry our gear
all the way up the stairs.

Oh, I am sorry.

Well, any time you want
to start shooting...

Ok, turn over.

Right, well, er, we're just about
to hold our morning meeting, so...

Meeting, everybody. We're
already here, George.

Good. Excellent.

Right, let's get on with this
meeting, then, shall we?

Well, I suppose the first story
of the day has got to be...

The economic implications
of maastricht.

Yes, well, clearly, any move
towards a eurocentrist agreement

could have severe implications
for any fiscal mechanisms.

Both within the protectionist
regulatory systems, such as the ec,

or, even more significantly,
global monetary forces like g7.

Which are so dependent upon the
military industrial complexes

of the top five macro economies.

Right, er... anybody got
anything to add to that?

So, erm, would you like to know
how the editing machine works?

No.

Right, erm... you could just watch
some television, if you like.

Would you like that? No.

Uh-huh.

Erm, what about the music?

I've got some tapes here. Would
you like to listen to those?

No. No. Stupid question, really.

Well, frankly, I think
it's an ethical problem.

And while clearly it is an important
story, before we decide to run it,

we must consider the
moral implications.

Well, we'll just leave it in
Damien's safe hands, then,

shall we, George?

Actually, we are getting
a little bit behind.

We certainly are, so can we get on?
Phone rings

yes?

Oh, hi, mum. Look, I'm a bit...

No, well, we don't know what major
is going to negotiate at maastricht,

but I'm quite sure that
political union won't mean

that we all have to use squat toilets.

Um, look, I can't talk now.
I'll call you later, all right?

Yep, I'll call you tonight. Bye.

Sorry about that.
Everything all right, team?

Well, actually, Gus... fantastic.

I just thought you'd like to know,
our ratings are up again this week.

So, keep nuking the opposition.

Good work, gaffer.

Looks like dad's screwing
it up, like usual.

You're not getting on too
well at the moment, are you?

He calls me "sweetheart".

Bastard (!)

He's embarrassing. And the way
he caves in all the time...

Like, I'll ask for something
stupid, and he just gives in.

He's scared of me. Can
you imagine that?

A grown man, scared of
a 13-year-old girl.

It's ridiculous.

Right, er, meeting over, everybody.

Damien, I'm just gonna have a
look at your police raid footage.

Ah, yes, actually, Alex, that
really didn't work out, ethically.

No, I felt it would've been
morally wrong to film it.

Jerry said you had a lot of footage.

Let's just have a look, shall we?

Ah, look, er, sorry.

Fire regulations means that not more
than five people are allowed inside.

Terribly sorry.

Cor, no respect for
privacy, some people.

All right, sweetie pie?

Yes, thanks, creep features.

It's 4am,

and I'm waiting with a special
team of armed officers,

poised to launch a dawn raid on the
flat of a suspected drugs dealer.

The man is regarded as dangerous,
he's also believed to be armed.

And we're going in.

Shouting

in you go! Right, freeze, don't move.

Freeze! Keep still!

Is it about my poll tax?

I mean, I sent off the cheque.

Harrison, she's a little old lady.
Put it down.

He sighs

yeah, but at hendon, guv, they
say, "never trust appearances."

Oh, Harrison, shut it.

Damien, do we have to have this...?
Yeah, yeah, sure, Bob.

Perhaps it got lost in the post.

Yeah. Yeah, most probably, yeah.

You know, guv, I reckon, maybe,
we've got the wrong address.

Oh, really (?)

Well, it says here 63
prince's mansions.

Yeah, but, I mean, it
could be 68, couldn't it?

I mean, sort of splodgy
photocopy, ain't it?

Actually, it could be 60 bloody
anything, looking at that. Yeah.

Here, Damien, turn it off. Jerry!

Yeah, well, as you can see, it
didn't really work out, and...

And, technically, it's
of a very poor standard.

There's more, isn't there?
No. No, no, no.

Let's just see, shall we?

It's 4.30am,

and I'm waiting with a special
team of armed officers...

I definitely sent the cheque off.
You see, here's the stub.

How nice. Madam, could you
withdraw to your flat, please?

And close the door. I
haven't got a door.

We'll talk about that later, all right?

Sorry about that, Damien. Ok.

Damien clears throat

it's 4.30am, and I'm waiting with
a special team of armed officers,

poised to launch a raid on an
armed and dangerous drug dealer.

Banging we're going in.

Shouting freeze! Don't move!

John Arthur Peters. N-no.

Sorry? I'm not John Peters.

He's the bloke we bought the
flat off about 15 months ago.

He ripped us off a treat, actually.

Didn't mention the dry
rot or the dodgy wiring.

Wrong place, Bob? Well... yeah.

All right, you'd better cut, Jerry.

Gunshots

go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Quietly: Harrison...

You've shot a rabbit.

Yeah, well, I heard, erm,

this rustling noise behind
me, guv, and, er...

At hendon, they tell you to act
instantly in order to, erm...

Save, you know, your own life.

Harrison... yes?

Argh! Harrison shouts

ow! Argh! Argh!

Why is flopsy's home full of holes?

Hey, I, er...

'I think we'd better cut there, Jerry.'

so, you're saying the police
would be upset if we show this?

Oh, no, George.

No, after all, it only shows them as
a bunch of incompetent, illiterate,

granny-scaring bunny killers (!)

Look, if that ever goes out,
psycho will give me hell!

"Psycho"?

Bob. Erm, chief inspector Smith.

Oh, no, no, no!

That tape stays in my desk.

I think your relationship
with the police

is getting a little too close.

But listen, that's how we
get such great footage.

Like at the poll tax riot.

We were certainly the only network

to have a reporter riding
two-up on a police horse.

Ah, team. Now, as you know...
I'm not here.

Yes.

Well, it's just that your failure to
interact with the documentary team

does rather make it look as if
we've got something to hide.

We have, Gus.

I want to see you all out there,
radiating positive feedback.

Oh, of course. It was him. What?

The bullshitter who had
a nervous breakdown.

It was not a nervous breakdown!

It was a rest cure.

That's not what dad said.

George...

..I'm 100% behind you.

Globelink news, gv's newsroom.
Take one.

Yes, yes.

So, if the, erm, Ukraine breaks away,

it could trigger a disintegration of
the Soviet economic infrastructure,

and, thus, precipitate
further internecine strife.

As I thought.

Very well informed, your manicurist.

But listen, headmaster, couldn't you
take her back earlier than that?

I know she's not an easy child, but...

Well, I think "psychotic"
is rather an emotive term.

Well, perhaps if I wrote
her along for a... hello?

Hello? He tuts

George, I'm doing a report
on police malpractice,

and I'd like to use some of
Damien's police raid footage.

Oh, well, George, you see,

I have spent years building
up these contacts.

I'm sorry, is that relevant?
Yes, it is.

Ah, excuse me, but
would you like to film

inside our new
computerised control room?

We're getting some good stuff. It's
one of the most modern in Europe.

Look, we did agree... Lots
of fascinating features.

George shouts she's done what?!

Deborah, what the hell do you think
you're doing, destroying that lift?

Get in here. Yeah, yeah.

In here.

And, of course, our new editing
facility is terribly interesting.

Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry.

I appear to have knocked
that little switch.

Gv's newsrooms, take ten.

Keep turning over. And
when you're ready.

Right, should we give, what,

three minutes to Maxwell's
missing millions?

We don't wanna go overboard.

Tin rattles

phone rings yeah?

Damien? Psycho's on the phone.

Hi, Bob.

Yes, yes, I'm well aware
of the force's concern

over the material that you mention.

Yes, yeah, I appreciate that.

He chuckles no, no.

No, obviously, I'd
rather keep possession

of both of the articles
that you're referring to.

Ok. Yeah, I'll get back to you. Bye.

George, I think we're hot.

The whole team's on turbo thrust,

and everything is completely
under control, as always.

Thank god that bloody
documentary crew's gone.

I've just about had it up to
here with that daughter of mine.

I suppose she must've
been attention-seeking.

Yes, well, setting fire to my desk

is certainly a good way
of getting my attention.

Oh, god!

Honestly, sometimes, I
could just hit that child.

Look at this stuff, it's ruined.

And so is Damien's police raid tape.

He shouts Deborah!

You said something about hitting her?

Thank you, Alex. I'll deal with this.

It's just, if you wanted anybody
to hold her down or anything,

I could... thank you.

Why did you do it?

I suppose I seem like
I don't understand

anything you're going through. Yep.

Yes, well, you'd be surprised.

When I was 16, I was always
arguing with my parents.

I was a bit wild, I suppose.

I used to hang around with
this motorcycle gang.

You had a motorbike?

Well, no, I didn't
actually have a bike.

But I used to go down the same
church youth club as the gang.

We were considered real tearaways.

Yeah, hell's doormats.

Why do you keep calling me a doormat?

Cos it's true!

You always give in, you
always get pushed around.

You're just so wet and weak and weedy.

Ok, ok.

So who do you want for a father, hm?

Charles Bronson (?)

General schwarzkopf (?) Pol pot (?)

I mean, honestly, what
have I done wrong?

I've worked and slaved to provide a
stable home for you and your mother,

and what happens?

She walks out on me, and
you incinerate my desk.

I mean, what is it?

Do you hate me?

Of course I don't hate you, dad.

Oh, right. Good.

I just sort of pity you.

I knew it, they've stitched us up.

Never trust TV people.
They're all shits. What?

We've been viewing that bloody
documentary. It's a disgrace.

The only plus is it makes
Sally look a complete prat.

Yes, absolutely, it's disgraceful.

I mean, there's one bit makes
me look like a complete fool.

One bit?

So, Gus, what's the procedure
for taking stuff out, then?

Oh, yes, well, I've just been
re-examining the contract,

and the right to view clearly
gives us the, erm...

The right to view.

And...?

And that's about it, really.

So, you mean we can't change anything?
Oh, for goodness sake!

George, something you should see here.

With respect, George, I think
the real issue here is

who brought in a relative
whose effect upon the office

was not dissimilar to that of Attila
the hun on Western civilisation?

I think it's most unfair comparing
my daughter to Attila the hun.

Yes, vlad the impaler would
be much more appropriate (!)

George, this is a scene from
that documentary we all star in.

What do you see? Erm...
I'm looking worried.

No, no, no. Look, in the background.

Damien's talking to Deborah. Mm-hm.

He seems to be giving her some money.
A lot of money.

And behold...

Damien's pointing at my desk.

Yes. Yeah, I remember that.

Yeah, I was, I was giving her
some money to get me a sandwich.

Well, several sandwiches, in fact.

And really quite expensive sandwiches.

And, er, you know, I said that, er,

"if I'm not here when you get back,

"then just leave them
on George's desk."

Right. I'll deal with you later!

Anyone want to see copies of these
new tests for seven-year-olds?

Sally? Oh, no, that'll
take hours, won't it?

Yeah, all right. He paid
me 50 quid to do it.

He said, "start the fire in the
drawer with the tape in it."

So...

..You deliberately destroyed
my property for �50?

Yeah.

Do you want to earn
another 50 quid? Hey?

Damien's Porsche is in
the staff car park.

Nice one, dad.

Damien: How's the middle
east conference going?

Dave: Well, there haven't
been any rows today... good.

..Cos the Israelis didn't turn up.

They're saying they'll turn up
on Monday. So they'll talk then?

No, cos the arabs are saying
they won't turn up then.

Ah, they're bluffing. The
arabs'll definitely turn up.

You reckon? Well, yeah, cos
if they don't turn up,

they can't walk out, can they?
Good point.

You know, I think it's obvious
what the solution to all this is.

You just get Assad and shamir,
and you lock 'em in a room.

And wait for them to start talking?
No, you just lock 'em in a room.

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