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And now...
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This episode was first shown in a
week when Robert Maxwell's name
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00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,079
was linked with spurs,
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00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:10,759
when heads rolled over the
last night of the proms,
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00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,079
and when Iraq's occupation of Kuwait
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continued to attract
condemnation and controversy.
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Theme music plays
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he puffs cheeks
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he smacks lips
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he tuts woman: Well, George?
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Well...
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He blows raspberry man: Well?
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I think it's a very important
story and we should run it.
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Groaning
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provided we get real proof.
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Secret memos, tape recordings
of phone calls, photographs.
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How much more proof do you want?
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Look, George, this stuff
tells us that MI6
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have been supplying
arms to South Africa
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in exchange for intelligence
about British subversives.
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Our government may have been involved!
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No, no, I don't think so. The whole
operation was far too efficient.
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Come on, George!
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I don't like anonymous leaks.
They make me nervous.
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All this stuff just turns
up on our doorstep.
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I mean, why can't the
source identify himself?
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Oh, be sensible, George.
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If he identifies himself,
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he either gets 30 years in the slammer
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or a new career as a strange
bump in a motorway flyover.
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Why has he given us the leak
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when he could have
gone to his superiors?
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Come on, talk about naive, George.
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That would be like salman rushdie
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putting his number in the
tehran phone directory.
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Come on, George, let's go with it.
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Now, I'm just throwing balls in the air
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and seeing where they land over here.
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00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,639
But I can't help agreeing with George.
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00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:07,999
It is perhaps unwise
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00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,839
to go with such an unproven
piece of sensationalism.
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This from the man who wanted to run
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00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,399
the "cliff Richard only
had it off once" story.
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00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,879
If we don't run it now,
we'll get scooped.
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Are you having a meeting?
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See what an incredible investigative
journalist she'd make (?)
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Sticks and stones may break my bones.
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Oh, that's a good idea.
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Anyone got any sticks and stones?
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I brought up your fan mail,
Henry, for the week.
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Of course, the post room's
still going through mine,
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apparently they've had
to take on extra staff.
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Sally, we are a bit busy.
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It's a good thing Henry
doesn't get as much,
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or we'd be swamped.
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Sally, I don't think...
Oh, this is lovely.
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"Dear Sally, I'm an old-age
pensioner from gloucester,
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"and whenever you come on, the
news just doesn't seem so bad.
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"Yours, tom Patterson,
f block, broadmoor."
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Poor man, obviously deeply disturbed.
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A-ha...
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Oh, by the way, Alex,
your Greek toyboy phoned.
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I couldn't quite hear
what he was saying,
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I think he still had his
dummy in his mouth.
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I've only just met the
guy, he's not my tomboy.
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Never mind Alex's toyboy.
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Let's get back to the matter in hand.
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Well, coach, what's your decision?
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I don't know.
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I just don't know.
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It's very difficult to know
exactly how to play this story.
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Mm. You know what really puzzles me?
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What? Why men send her those letters.
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It's not as if she's sexy.
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In fact, I doubt if she has a sex life.
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00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,279
I always think of her rather
like one of those Barbie dolls.
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Take off her clothes and there's
nothing there but pink plastic.
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Please!
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Word is, she fancies William.
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Oh, the lighting engineer
with the scorpion tattoo!
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They've been spotted
snogging in his corvette.
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The one with the orange
flames painted down the side?
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I don't know if I'm reading
body language correctly here,
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but I think George is a
teensy-weensy bit frustrated
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at these interruptions.
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Thank you, Alex.
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00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,919
Perhaps we could get on with
some of the other stories.
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00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,799
Well, Parkinson seems to be in a
lot of trouble again this week.
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00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,559
He always cocks things up, doesn't he?
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A pity his IQ is not as
high as his sperm count.
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00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,799
Well, of course, Thatcher has
really got it in for Parkinson.
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Why do you say that?
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Come on, George, you must have
noticed the way she gives him
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all the impossible
privatisations to handle.
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00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,919
Nuclear power, now British
rail, I mean, what next?
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00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,159
British dog turds, buy
the prospectus now!
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00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,319
Looks like Maxwell's
gonna buy spurs. Yeah?
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00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,319
Is that definite? Yes.
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00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,599
Unless they're losing at half-time,
then he'll buy the other team.
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That's the thing about
Maxwell, isn't it?
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He's only interested in winners.
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Have you seen the European?
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00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,319
Right, now, the liberal democrats
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are having yet another
relaunch on Wednesday.
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00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,079
No, they're not changing their
bloody name again, are they?
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00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,079
They've had more aliases
than Ronnie Biggs!
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00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,879
They're going to unveil some
sort of corporate logo.
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00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,559
Apparently it's going to be of a bird,
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but they won't tell us what sort.
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Well, they'll probably pick the osprey.
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00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,719
What, because it's so noble?
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00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,440
No, because there's only four
of them left in Britain.
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Right, so what does that
leave us with, anything?
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Yes, this MI6 arms deal story.
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Right, I've decided. I'm
gonna talk to the lawyer.
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Groaning oh, god!
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Ooh...
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Difficult.
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Very difficult.
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It's something of a legal minefield.
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At what point would we
be breaking the law?
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Well, you already are.
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All this material clearly
emanates from a source
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who is breaking the
official secrets act.
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Technically speaking,
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just by possessing it we
could all go to prison.
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00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,479
All of us? Well, in theory.
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00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,120
Though in practice, it would
probably be just you.
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00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,279
Right, so it's clear we
can't use this story.
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00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,159
On the other hand,
would they prosecute?
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00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,999
If the story's true, probably not.
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Ah, so... although they might.
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00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,319
What would be your advice?
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00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,559
Well, bearing in mind that we
are dealing with a new law
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00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:08,199
with few precedents, either
legally, or regarding the degree
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00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,439
to which the government is
prepared to resort to it,
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00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,399
and the situation is
obviously complicated
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00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,159
by the inevitable impossibility
of ascertaining facts
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00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,439
with absolute certainty,
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I suppose I'd have to say... yes?
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..That it's really up to you.
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Thanks.
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Sally: You moron! Oh, no, what now?
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You have spilt coffee on my chanel.
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I'm sorry.
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She squeals
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where did they get people like you?
Rent-a-pillock?
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Ok, ok!
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Do you know who you're dealing with?
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I am not no-one.
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I am someone who gets fan
mail, opens supermarkets
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and was voted Leicester's
second favourite
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local media personality in 1987.
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I've got a headache, I'm
going to my dressing room.
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All I wanted to do
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was test of these new extra
sensitive radio mics.
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Well, maybe it's her time of the month.
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00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,840
I've never known a
period last three years.
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00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,759
Huh?
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00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:05,999
I used to know her at breakfast TV.
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I can tell you they had a few
nicknames for her there.
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Yeah? Like what?
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00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,119
Well, shit head...
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00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:17,279
And, er... well, shit head
was about it, actually.
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They weren't very imaginative
at breakfast TV.
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Here we are.
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Here comes William.
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Hey, you don't think he's off
to, you know, with Sally?
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00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,599
What, now, in her dressing room? Yeah.
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00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,999
I hope so.
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She still got that radio mic on.
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00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,359
Gus says one thing, she says another.
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00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,159
I know it's difficult, but basically
it's your decision, George,
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and I think you should...
telephone rings
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hello?
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00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:46,720
Yes, mum, what is it?
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00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,120
Well, look, I'm a bit busy just now.
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00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,120
I'm sorry, but we don't know when
the petrol's gonna go up again.
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00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:59,799
No, no, I don't think
it was a good idea
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to fill the bath up with petrol.
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00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,639
Look, just leave it where it is, ok?
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00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,599
Yeah, and I'll call you back. Right.
183
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,239
I think you should run it, George.
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If you're gonna run it on the six
o'clock, you've got to decide now.
185
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,439
Come on, George. You've got to
run it, it's a great scoop.
186
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,799
I'm sure we can rely upon
your sound judgement
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00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,439
in such a sensitive area.
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00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:21,919
Hey, George?
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00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:23,120
Well...
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00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,720
Here we go, they have leg over.
191
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,759
Oh, it's amazing.
192
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:35,520
It's like the queen, you don't
think she does things like this.
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00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,600
He laughs
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00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:43,599
you know, we really shouldn't
be recording this, should we?
195
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,359
No, I suppose not.
196
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,159
Oh, sod it, it is Sally.
197
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,839
I'll put it on talkback.
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00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,439
Pleasured groaning on tape
199
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,919
that doesn't sound like Sally.
200
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,039
'No, there, not here, you idiot!'
201
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,199
both: That sounds like Sally!
202
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,439
'Oh, yes, yes.'
203
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,599
yes?
204
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,319
'Yes!' Yes, what?
205
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:05,399
'Yes!
206
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,919
'Oh, my viking!
207
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:11,519
'Oh, my big norse warrior!'
208
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,040
they laugh
209
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,679
bub-bub-bub-bub...
210
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:16,999
Difficult.
211
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,399
Oh, for god's sake!
212
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,559
Yes, well, obviously I
don't have an opinion,
213
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:24,199
I'm a support module, but
it would be very easy
214
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,599
to find ourselves standing
on buttered ball bearings
215
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,799
over this piece.
216
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,080
And while I believe passionately...
217
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,759
..In no punches pulled,
218
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,079
hard-hitting journalism...
219
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,799
I do feel a very real sense
220
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:43,519
that we ought to be wary of running
any unsubstantiated stories
221
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:47,679
if we are to avoid a
faeces and fan situation.
222
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,560
If you follow me?
223
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,519
Where has everyone gone?
224
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:55,960
Pleasured groaning on tape
225
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,239
exhaling
226
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,599
how was that for you?
227
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,479
I don't know, but I think
I need a cigarette.
228
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,640
George!
229
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:10,279
What's going on in here?
230
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:14,319
Erm, there's a very interesting
live report just come.
231
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,479
There's a story breaking in...
232
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,519
Afghanistan! Yeah, Afghanistan.
233
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:19,919
Oh, right.
234
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,079
How big is it?
235
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,000
It's pretty big, by the sounds of it.
236
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,799
Alex, Alex, Alex.
237
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,560
Henry.
238
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,240
Right, now, can we
make a start, please?
239
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,799
Now, what's the latest on Iraq?
240
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,719
Well, apparently, cat Stevens
is flying to Baghdad
241
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,279
to see if he can negotiate
some sort of deal with Saddam.
242
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:54,880
"Yes, release the hostages or I
start singing Matthew and son."
243
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,119
Saddam and cat Stevens in one place!
244
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:02,079
Now's the time to
launch a first strike.
245
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,759
Of course, this whole conflict
was predicted by NOSTRADAMUS.
246
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,439
Oh, god, here we go.
247
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,559
No, come on.
248
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:11,919
He talks about the man with
blood on his head, gorbachev.
249
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,359
And he says that he will
ally with his enemy.
250
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:15,519
That proves nothing!
251
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,319
Of course he's talking about gorbachev,
252
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,719
I mean, the man with blood on
his head, who else could it be?
253
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,200
It could be Vinnie Jones.
254
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,999
Look, he foresaw all of
this hundreds of years ago.
255
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,639
Remember he prophesied
the rise of Hitler?
256
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,519
Ah, correction, he prophesied
the rise of hister.
257
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,279
So he got one letter wrong!
258
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,639
Stop being so picky.
259
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,039
Hister, he said hister!
260
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,639
Yeah, maybe he was
dyslexic, I don't know?
261
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,679
But he said the
destruction of the world
262
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,839
will be started by a man in blue.
263
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,560
Ok, so the apocalypse will
be triggered by postman pat.
264
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,519
Look, will you two please shut up?
265
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,999
George, we need a decision on
that leaked material we've got,
266
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,439
if we're going to put it in at six.
267
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:58,039
Although there have been other
stories breaking today.
268
00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,840
Like that ferry accident.
269
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,639
What ferry?
270
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,439
You know, the viking line one.
271
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,839
Yeah, that's right.
272
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:12,200
Apparently, er, a viking ferry
rammed a Sally line ferry.
273
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,999
What's funny about that?
274
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,240
Oh, please!
275
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,279
Now, about this leak.
276
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,319
Come on, George, we've
got to run this story.
277
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,159
There have been illegal arms sales.
278
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:36,159
Either the government knew about it,
or they should have known about it.
279
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,679
I don't know why everyone gets
at the government all the time,
280
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:39,799
they do their best.
281
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,279
Thank you for that heavyweight
intellectual contribution.
282
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,480
Oh, god, Peter sissons is so right!
283
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,599
Whether or not to run this story...
is your decision, George.
284
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,279
And to go with it would
be a brave decision.
285
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,919
Especially as it's an item
286
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,999
which shows the
government in a bad light
287
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,639
at a time when national
unity is so vital.
288
00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,759
And at a time when the
conduct of broadcasters
289
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,879
is being so closely scrutinised.
290
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,079
Yes, very brave of you, George.
291
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:06,639
Very brave indeed.
292
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,559
Yes, thank you for that support, Gus.
293
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,959
I've decided what to do about
this story, and I'm...
294
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,359
Not gonna run it.
295
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,839
Groaning Damien: Come on, George!
296
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,879
I'm simply not convinced it's true.
297
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:23,239
In fact, I'm increasingly convinced
it's all some sort of hoax.
298
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,399
You know, disinformation.
299
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,159
And this notion that the
cabinet are waiting,
300
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:32,199
quivering for our decision,
strikes me as frankly ludicrous.
301
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,799
I'm sure the powers that be
302
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,679
don't know about this story
and don't care. Erm, George?
303
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,319
I won't be interrupted for once,
304
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,639
we are not going to become
a receptacle for rumours
305
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,319
that no-one else is interested in.
306
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,239
Excuse me. Will you let me finish?
307
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,560
Detective chief inspector frost, sir.
308
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,799
Oh, that story?
309
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,999
Well, I don't know much about it.
310
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,639
I'm, er, I'm not really here.
311
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,999
I leave the editorial decisions
312
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:05,320
very much up to my highly
independent staff.
313
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,119
Now, listen.
314
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,599
I checked with our lawyer,
315
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,919
the terms of your warrant
only give you the right
316
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,999
to take material related directly
to the matter under investigation.
317
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,919
Your lot are carrying off everything.
318
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,239
Yes, yes, that's quite correct.
319
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,039
I'm sure your lawyer will
be issuing an injunction
320
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,159
pointing that out,
321
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,239
by which time we'll have
photocopied everything,
322
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,519
bunged it all on the computer,
then you can have it back.
323
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,159
Is that clear? Yes, thank you.
324
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,999
Good. Door opens
325
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,239
oh, for goodness' sake!
326
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,959
Mr dent, Pam Bruce, BBC news...
get these people out!
327
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,040
Are you suffering from police
harassment? Thank you, thank you.
328
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:42,719
He exhales
329
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:43,839
dearie me.
330
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:44,879
It's terrible, isn't it?
331
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,120
The way they just invade
people's privacy!
332
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,039
Where were we?
333
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,399
And indeed, I was saying
to your chief constable
334
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,679
only the other day,
335
00:14:54,680 --> 00:15:00,400
"tiny", I said, "tiny, we are
175% behind the police force."
336
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,719
Yes, well, I need to take a statement.
337
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:07,879
Certainly.
338
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,639
Would you like me to speak very slowly
339
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,079
so you can write everything down?
340
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,279
Or are you just going to make
it all up afterwards as usual?
341
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,799
Very droll, miss.
342
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,919
We policemen aren't very
good at making stories up.
343
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,879
We leave it to the professionals.
Like you.
344
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,519
Now, about this material?
345
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,439
Let me get one thing
straight, inspector.
346
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,759
I have absolutely no intention
of revealing my sources.
347
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,879
I am a serious and professional...
348
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,199
Telephone rings
349
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,439
excuse me.
350
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,160
Alex pates.
351
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,559
Look, I'm a bit busy, mum.
352
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,480
Yeah, I'm talking to a policeman.
353
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,320
No, I haven't done that again.
354
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,039
Look, we don't know if there's
going to be a war with Iraq.
355
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,719
No, I don't think that will work, mum.
356
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,360
Well, because that gas
mask's over 50 years old.
357
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,079
Look, did you get the
petrol out of the bath?
358
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,560
Ok, what did you do with it?
359
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:05,999
The pond?
360
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,040
Yeah, well, obviously it
killed all the goldfish!
361
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,599
Look, I'm gonna have to
call you back, mummy.
362
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,400
Yeah, ok, ok.
363
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,759
My mum.
364
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,639
Sorry, where was I?
365
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,839
"Serious and professional"? Ah, yes.
366
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,919
As I was saying to the home secretary,
367
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:32,239
"David, I said, David, if our
boys in blue want cs gas,
368
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,239
"they should jolly well have it."
369
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:39,320
Because, to be completely
on the level with you...
370
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,760
..I really do feel that.
371
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:52,040
Mr hedges, I'm not a freemason.
372
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,519
But you are chief inspector!
373
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,000
It is possible.
374
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,879
Fine, just sign this, mr dent,
that'll be all. Thank you.
375
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:09,279
So, you don't want to interview
anyone else here, then?
376
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:10,839
No, thank you.
377
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,520
I don't think we could take any more.
378
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,959
It's a huge mistake, I'm telling you.
379
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,999
We shouldn't let the
Germans reunite like this.
380
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,999
Oh come on, Henry, times have changed.
381
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,559
It's not as if they're gonna
march in and invade Poland.
382
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,160
No, they'll probably just
leave their towel over it.
383
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,599
What's all this?
384
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,439
Oh, yeah. Do you like it?
385
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,240
It's for my piece on the
last night of the proms.
386
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,919
I've just had this in.
Thatcher has repeated
387
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,839
that she may stay on for another
five years as party leader.
388
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,439
Oh, my god! Do me a favour!
389
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,319
She did add that she's not immortal.
390
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,360
Ooh, major shift from her there!
391
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:54,319
Anything else? Yes, I think it
might be worth doing something
392
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,439
on the fact that while
we're blockading Iraq,
393
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,319
we're still giving aid to Syria.
394
00:17:58,320 --> 00:17:59,639
Why shouldn't we?
395
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,199
Syria hasn't occupied a small
defenceless neighbour.
396
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,479
Yes, it has. Lebanon.
397
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,599
Well, all right, but they haven't
killed lots of their own people.
398
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,759
10,000 at last count.
399
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:10,919
Yes, all right,
400
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:14,159
but at least their president
doesn't resemble Hitler.
401
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,919
Oh, right! So, we are sending
402
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,799
the largest expeditionary force
since Vietnam to the Gulf
403
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,360
because Saddam Hussein has a moustache!
404
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,559
Are there any other stories brewing?
405
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,719
Er, yeah, I've got one.
406
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,119
It's about this dog, right,
407
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:34,279
that, erm, that's been
charged with chasing horses.
408
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,000
Oh, I get it, you mean he's
an 'orse warrior! Correct!
409
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,879
Horse warrior, what are you on about?
410
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,119
God knows.
411
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:45,239
I think they've all
got mad cow disease.
412
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,479
Of course, there is
still our leak story.
413
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,919
Sorry? Well, we can run it now.
414
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,079
Good god, surely the raid was proof
that the material's genuine.
415
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:57,119
Well, yes, maybe, but, er,
416
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,959
well, we can't run that story
now, we no longer have any proof.
417
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:03,039
So you're saying that if you
still had some evidence,
418
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,239
you would run it?
419
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:05,920
Naturally.
420
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,519
I made a copy of the phone call tape.
421
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,959
You know, the conversation
between MI6 and voss
422
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,079
about air to surface missiles?
423
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,999
I hid it in case there was a raid.
424
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,159
How thoughtful.
425
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,039
Yes, well done, Alex (!)
426
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,559
So, you'll run the story?
427
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,559
Well... you must run it, George.
428
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,439
If your best journalistic
instincts tell you to run it,
429
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:29,639
then you must run it.
430
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,479
Right. And if you should go to prison,
431
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,799
I'm sure there'll always
be a job for you here...
432
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,279
Of some sort.
433
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,039
After all, principles are
worth suffering for.
434
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,479
And besides, I'm sure they wouldn't
put you in with the murderers
435
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,160
or anything like that.
436
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:48,119
Yes, I, er, I think I need to
speak to the lawyer again.
437
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:51,279
David stanhope, independent news... no!
438
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,999
Can you do me a favour? Could
you ask Sarah to book me a cab
439
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,719
for after the last bulletin on Friday?
440
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:56,959
Where to? Penzance.
441
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,639
I'm attending a conference on
news and communication skills.
442
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,919
I thought I'd play them Sally's tape.
443
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,519
How many people are gonna be there?
444
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,239
Oh, not more than 200.
445
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,639
Wait a minute.
446
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,799
My copy's gone.
447
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,599
Where the hell's it got to?
448
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,239
George, it's special branch on
the phone about stuff they took.
449
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,040
They are asking if you know
anything about a viking warrior.
450
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,919
Oh, god.
451
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,199
Have you got a spare?
452
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,479
No, I'm all out of cassettes.
453
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,799
I ran off 15 copies for
the guys in lighting.
454
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,039
I'll tell you what,
455
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,679
leave me a blank on the desk, I'll
do you another copy, all right?
456
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,879
Thanks.
457
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:33,039
Vikings?
458
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:34,079
What?
459
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,839
Oh, vikings, vikings, vikings.
460
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,600
Why's everyone going on
about bloody vikings?
461
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,799
George?
462
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,399
My big worry is for the
safety of that cassette.
463
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,479
I just hope that Alex is
keeping it somewhere secure.
464
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,839
It's probably in her desk. No.
465
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,799
No, I doubt it.
466
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,200
Anyway, let's go and see this lawyer.
467
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,519
Very difficult.
468
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,479
Very difficult indeed.
469
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,159
You see, the thing is, Gus,
470
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,520
I want to be reasonably
sure that if we do...
471
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:16,120
If we do run this material, I
want to be absolutely sure.
472
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:23,560
Will you two please take those
silly hats off and come in here?
473
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,599
Right, now, Alex, if you
could get me a cassette.
474
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:31,919
I won't be a minute.
475
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,879
Now, Phoebe.
476
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,799
Er, Sally?
477
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,599
Sally, we're having a
meeting, actually.
478
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,199
I know that, actually.
479
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,479
And I'm fed up being excluded from
editorial discussions, actually.
480
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,679
You always treat me as
though I'm out of my depth.
481
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:46,840
My dear, you'd be out of
your depth in a puddle.
482
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,959
Now, Phoebe, we have
here a copy of the tape
483
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,399
that was part of the material
special branch seized.
484
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,359
This time, I need
definite legal guidance.
485
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:57,959
If we broadcast this,
486
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,799
what's the probability that
we will be prosecuted?
487
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,559
I don't need to stress
488
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,439
that our reputation as a
serious news-gathering unit
489
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:09,399
hangs upon the content of this tape.
490
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,640
Man groans pleasurably on tape
491
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,240
woman groans pleasurably on tape
492
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,240
I didn't realise it was a tape
of people doing naughty things.
493
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,039
Groaning continues on tape
494
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,599
tape stops
495
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,439
how dare you!
496
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:27,599
How dare we what?
497
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,559
You don't recognise
who that is, do you?
498
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,199
No.
499
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,800
Absolutely not.
500
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,359
I've got a headache, I'm
going to my dressing room.
501
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:40,039
William, trousers off,
she's got a headache!
502
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,679
Pleasured groaning on tape
503
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,399
that's Sally, isn't it?
504
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,039
'Yeah...'
505
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,199
groaning on tape
506
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,759
it's the wrong tape.
507
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,399
I don't understand,
508
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,079
I marked it, I hid it in Dave's desk.
509
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,359
Ah!
510
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,999
You didn't write what
was on it, did you?
511
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,879
Well, what was I supposed to put,
512
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,519
'vital top-secret tape, may
bring down the government?'
513
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:03,799
what did you do to it?
514
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,880
Do you know, I'm sure that's Sally.
515
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,479
I thought it was your tape.
516
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,639
I never dropped off the blank.
517
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,159
Well, over perhaps the
most important tape
518
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,879
we've ever had in this office,
519
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:18,760
I'm afraid I've recorded the sounds
of two people having it off.
520
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:21,880
Sorry!
521
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,639
Dave? Groaning on tape continues
522
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,680
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to stab you.
523
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:34,959
There's been something going on
here that I don't know about!
524
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,880
And it's something to do with Sally.
525
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,119
Well?
526
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:41,999
Somebody speak to me.
527
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,039
Well, I have to say that
in my considered opinion,
528
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,359
you would have trouble
broadcasting this.
529
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,680
Telephone rings
530
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,320
yes, hello?
531
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:55,959
Yeah, erm, hang on a minute.
532
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:58,999
Alex, it's your mum's next neighbour.
533
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,479
He says her garden pond's on fire.
534
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,679
Oh, my god!
535
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,480
Theme music plays
536
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,759
George: God, all these financial
problems for nhs hospitals.
537
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,239
Gus: Yes, very worrying.
538
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:15,319
It certainly is.
539
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,199
I booked into have my
ulcer seen to next month.
540
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,399
That's if the hospital hasn't
gone bankrupt by then.
541
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:20,439
Don't worry, George,
542
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,079
these hospitals are
revamping their finances.
543
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,879
They are going to start
charging patients
544
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,639
who want those special little extras.
545
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,719
What, like doctors,
pillows, anaesthetic?
546
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,279
George, the nhs has to start running
along proper commercial lines.
547
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:33,519
I can see it now,
548
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,439
you have a kidney transplant and
then if you get behind with payments
549
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,919
they put your old kidneys back.
550
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:39,319
Don't you worry, George,
551
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,799
I'm sure by the time you
go in for your operation,
552
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:45,640
the nhs will be a slick, profitable
highly-efficient machine.
553
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:48,439
I think I'll go private.
554
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:50,480
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00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:55,080
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