Original subtitles

- This isn't about us.

This is about justice.

This is about fairness.

This is about the struggle of the common man

in an easy-come, easy-go world

where people are fickle and faithless.

My unwavering loyalty to you should be recognized.

Nay, it should be celebrated.

- Fine.

But technically, your free 11th coffee

is meant to be a hot product.

- Show me the fine print.

- It's tacitly understood.

- Not by me. [Gasps]

Oh, my God. This is my sister.

- I don't care.

[Upbeat music]

- Thank you, Brian.

I'll see you...

Tomorrow.

♪ ♪

Evie, what are you doing here?

- Well, I'm not back at work until tomorrow,

and I need a day to come back down to Earth

after my city break, and I thought,

why not try and catch my big sis

on her coffee break for a little chitchat?

- Can't we chitchat after work in the empty hours?

- What's on today's agenda, then?

- I have a meeting in 45 minutes

about a fossilized shark poo,

and then I have to catch up with my colleagues

about leaving perishables in the fridge.

- Wow. Unreal.

- Mm. - The slay never stops.

So do you have time for a quick wander before your meeting?

We could take in the relics of a lost time.

- Evie, you said that the museum

smells like old man feet.

- And knowledge, baby.

- What has London done to you?

- Actually, London was incredible.

- I mean, if you don't mind being less than six foot away

from a rat or a banker at any given time.

- Ugh, I don't know what's worse.

BOTH: Banker.

- [Gasps] BOTH: Jinx!

[Laughter]

[Bowling pins clatter]

- Oh, this place is amazing.

- You've been here multiple times since we were children.

- Never gets old.

So something happened in London

that I need to talk to you about.

- Something happened in Glasgow.

I had to watch the "Real Housewives" reunion

without you, so there was nobody there

to hear my amazing quips.

EVIE: Can't believe you watched it without me.

- You were gone all weekend. - Boo-hoo.

- We can watch it again tonight with my commentary.

- Deal. - Deal.

Evie, why are you actually here?

You're being weird.

- What's wrong with a spontaneous visit

from your loving wee sister? - Hmm.

Last time you showed up here out of the blue,

it's 'cause you burnt your mustache off with Veet

and it got all red and crusty.

- At least I tried to deal with my mustache.

- I deal with my mustache.

Three months ago, I tried back-combing it,

and I looked very distinguished.

- Oh.

[Exhales sharply]

Right. Nina? NINA: Hmm?

EVIE: There's something I have to tell you.

- Why aren't you saying anything?

- I'm doing a dramatic pause.

- How long do dramatic pauses last?

- I'm engaged.

- To who?

- Ranesh. - Who?

- My partner.

We've just been on a romantic weekend together.

- The TikTok advertising man with the concave arse?

- He's a creative strategist.

And it's only concave in pictures.

He took me up The Shard, Nina.

It was all disgustingly romantic.

OK, this is where you say, "That's amazing news.

I'm so happy for you!"

- It's not amazing news, and I'm not happy for you.

Evie, I'm deeply concerned.

You've only known this man for six weeks.

That's not enough time. - Says who?

- [Forcefully] Evie, you've had thrush

that lasted longer than six weeks!

- [Whispering] It wasn't thrush; I was just itchy.

- We went through so much natural yogurt, Evie.

♪ ♪

- What about Ranesh making a casual appearance

at Tuesday night dinner tomorrow?

All just really casual.

- Takeaway Tuesday is sacred, Evie.

You said you would never get married.

- Did I? Hmm.

It's really just an excuse for a big fat party.

- Yeah, except it's not just a big party.

It's the morning after the party

and it's the morning after that

and then the morning after that.

How can you spend the rest of your life

with somebody you've only known for six weeks?

- I know this all seems crazy to you, right.

But when you are wildly in love with someone,

you just start to realize that nothing

anyone else thinks matters.

We're just, like, walking on this knife edge,

and we just have to keep going 'cause if we don't, we'll fall.

- Evie, that sounds horrendous and painful.

- I've never felt this way, Nina.

He's my person.

- Ugh.

Bet Mum and Dad are not gonna be happy about this.

[Cork pops] ADE: [laughs]

We're so happy about this.

EVIE: Now, we know that it's soon,

but we're thinking summer wedding.

- Lovely.

- That's it? ADE: What?

- She's marrying some man

that none of us have ever met,

and that's all you're gonna say?

Dad, what if he chokes women at the weekend?

- Does he choke women on the weekend?

- No! He's in a feminist book group.

- Well, there you are. - [Sighs]

- We'd only known each other six months

when we got married.

- Yes, but that was in 1986,

when everybody was stupid and you thought

that the feathered mullet was an all right hairstyle for men.

- [Sighs] I loved my feathered mullet.

- Oh, and he's never looked so good.

- He looked like Princess Diana.

- How long did Romeo and Juliet know each other

before they got married?

24 hours?

- They were pretend,

and then they killed themselves.

- Our son-in-law, a creative strategist.

- What does that mean?

- Well, it means that finally,

this family has got something to celebrate.

- Mother.

I have three degrees.

I am a research assistant

in the paleontology department.

Do you know how many positions there are

for paleontologists in Glasgow?

- Eh... - There's seven.

There's seven, and I am one of them.

- Darling, I didn't mean that...

- You're a force of nature, Nina.

- You're an inspiration.

ADE: The dinosaurs are lucky to have you.

Anyway, let's talk venue.

DIANE: And what will you wear?

- We just want to keep things super simple,

so I'm thinking I'll wear something like

a secondhand pantsuit.

Because the wedding industrial complex

is predatory capitalism, you know.

DIANE: Oh.

If this is about money, sweet pea,

your dad and me, we've got a wee bit of money

set aside for the conservatory, so...

- Oh, guys, that is amazing news,

because I have had my eye on the most beautiful

designer...simple pantsuit.

- And what about my wedding fund?

- Y-you don't do relationships, Nina.

ADE: You're independent, like Cher.

- Fine, then.

I would like a party of equal value

to celebrate all of my many great accomplishments.

- [Laughs] DIANE: Oh.

Oh, you're the sensible one.

You don't just plunge into any crazy old scheme.

[Laughs]

- You think this wedding's crazy?

- Yes! DIANE AND ADE: No!

- What'd I miss? [Music playing over earbuds]

- Evie's gonna bankrupt Mum and Dad.

- What else is new?

- We know you'll miss your sister, Nina.

DIANE: But things won't be all that different. - It's just, everyone's acting like

getting engaged is some sort of big achievement.

You know that Rose West was married?

And she was a murderer.

Why am I the only person who thinks

this is a terrible, terrible idea?

- Because you've eaten Wheat Puffs for breakfast

every single day of your life.

- And?

- You're the most risk-averse person on the planet.

- If I know I like Wheat Puffs,

why would I try other breakfast foods?

- Why are you so surprised about this?

This is classic Evie.

Everything she's ever done has suggested

that this will one day happen.

What, did you think you were just gonna become

two old ladies in that flat together?

- I just don't see what the big rush is.

- Love makes people stupid.

- Mm.

- Oh, fuck!

I forgot to charge Hilda's crystals.

[Groans]

- Bo, if your girlfriend is so bad,

why don't you just get a better one?

- Mm, much to think about, Nina.

Thank you. - You're welcome.

- Look, the point is, Lurch, things are going to change.

So how are you gonna ever accept

Evie's crazy stupid love

if you won't even try Cheerios?

- I don't eat foods with holes, so the point is moot.

[Lizzie Reid's "Warpaint"]

LIZZIE REID: ♪ Some kind of chest pain ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Slipped into my drink last night ♪

SHANE: Don't let me see you put feathers

on that dinosaur, mate.

I know, I know.

The evidence is undeniable.

Dinosaurs had feathers.

But the people, they like scales.

They don't like feathers.

Dinos are scary,

OK, and feathers, they're...

Uh, you know, they're cute.

They're "Paw Patrol." They're Elton John. Yeah?

Basically, feathers aren't scary.

Did you catch my drift?

That's my guy.

Grr.

[Fingers snap]

Nina.

Nina.

Nina.

NINA: [clears throat] SHANE: While I've got you,

can I grab a tight five?

- Yeah.

- Once again, Nina, we've had...a few comments.

- Nice comments?

- So this is just a... A gentle reminder

that we avoid telling children that it should be

Cretaceous Park, not Jurassic.

OK, the people have this image of scientists

as these shy nerds in glasses and white coats.

But...we're so much more than that, right?

- Yeah. SHANE: So when you insist

that a T. rex could crunch Granny's spine

like a midmorning cracker,

it fits with this totally wrong narrative

of scientists as antisocial,

rigid, and a bit autistic.

- But I am.

- Yeah, but I'm saying we're not that.

- Oh, no, I'm saying I am that.

- No, I mean...

[Chuckles nervously] Y-you're autistic.

Yes, of course.

- Mm-hmm.

I'm pretty sure Declan is too.

- Mm.

[Fingers snapping] Um...[sighs]

Um, you gonna come team bowling tonight, Nina?

- No. DECLAN: No.

Nina's got her routine.

She has dinner with her sister on Tuesday.

NINA: It's takeaway Tuesday at our flat.

And I don't go bowling

because it's full of sweaty people making noise.

And I don't share shoes with strangers,

and I don't put my fingers in bowling ball holes.

It's full of fungus, Shane. It's disgusting.

- Right, well, uh, you know,

not everyone lives in the fast lane like us,

eh, Declan?

[Light music]

Pull it together, Shane.

♪ ♪

CUSTOMER: Thanks very much. Cheers.

♪ ♪

- You're not the coffee man.

- Uh...I...I think I am. [Chuckles]

Am I not?

Oh, you're...you're, um... You're talking about Brian.

Yeah, he left.

There's a new coffee sheriff in town.

[Chuckles]

Me.

- Could I have a filter coffee, please?

- Oh, do you know what would go really well with this?

Our new breakfast biscotti.

Start your day with a crunch. [Chuckles]

- I can't eat double-baked biscuits.

I've got delicate gums.

- Very wise.

I mean, I like to live on the edge, you know,

but...but not everyone is, uh, into that kind of lifestyle.

- No, it's not a lifestyle for people with vertigo.

- That's a good point.

How's your day going?

- My sister's marrying some concave-arsed Tinder guy

she's only known for six weeks,

and my parents think it's a brilliant idea

'cause they lack critical thinking skills,

and I've lost my favorite pen.

- Six weeks?

That's...that's mental.

What if he, um...

Chokes women at the weekend?

- That's what I said.

- What's this... Concave-arsed lad like, then?

- I don't know.

- You've never met him?

- No.

- But you know you don't like him.

- Yes. LEE: Right.

This...might be out of line, but, um...

And I'm sure he's the... Worst man in the world.

Don't get me wrong, but...

Ah!

I like to give people a chance. [Chuckles]

Hey, um, I'm... - I'm just the guy that makes the coffee, so...

- Could you make mine, please?

- Yes. Yeah.

[Coffee pours]

[soft dramatic music]

[register beeping]

Thanks.

- Thank you, Sheriff.

- Oh, that's...that's...

Good.

♪ ♪

[Mozart's "Dies Irae"]

[choir singing in Latin]

- Here it comes. [Laughs]

Huh? EVIE: Mmm!

- How's that? - Oh, my gosh.

- Yeah? - Ranesh, that's delicious!

- [Laughs]

- Sure, it is, Nina.

[Operatic music playing]

- Oh, please.

It's just a rustic peasant dish

that I picked up during my summer in Firenze.

♪ ♪

- I love pasta with tomato sauce.

It's a great combination.

- Samesies. [Chuckles]

- Oh, I'm just gonna, um, check on something

in the other room.

[Ranesh and Evie chuckle]

- [Clears throat]

So...

- Here we are. [Both chuckle nervously]

Oh, Evie mentioned that you've got autism,

which is obviously super cool.

- Don't say it. - Autism is a superpower.

Hmm, a guy from uni had a bit of it,

and he was on "Countdown."

- Did he win?

- He died shortly after.

But he did win a conundrum.

Neens... - Nina.

- I'd hate for there to be a... Chasm between us.

The bond between two sisters,

well, it's a holy thing, isn't it?

- Hmm. RANESH: And as a man,

I couldn't even begin to understand it.

And then here's me just coming in here,

ripping your best friend away from you.

But nothing is gonna change.

- Yeah, I know that. EVIE: Not talking about me,

are we? [Ranesh and Evie chuckle]

- So...

How did this transpire?

- Mm, I'm glad you asked.

[Chuckles] - Cool.

- Finding love in a Tinder age

is a miracle, Neens.

- Nina. RANESH: All these girls

describe themselves

as artsy and cultured on their profiles.

Then all they want to talk about is reality TV.

- Hmm, Evie's often remarked on the mindlessness

of reality television, haven't you, Evie?

- Evie has taught me so much

about the importance of female stories.

- Yeah, it's good when women talk in films.

- Our connection on that first date was instant.

We went to see a...a feminist poetry slam at the bandstand.

- Fun. - Then we stayed so late

and danced all night. [Ranesh and Evie laugh]

Everybody looked at us, didn't they, babe?

- But we didn't even care. - We didn't even care.

- No, I bet you didn't.

- And then when she turned up to London

in just a torn pair of jeans with no makeup bag,

I thought to myself, yeah,

there she is, my person.

Together we can move and shake the world.

[Chuckles]

It is crazy quick, Neens.

You're not wrong about that. But...

- If you don't take any risks...

- How do you know you're even alive?

- [Whispering] 'Cause you're breathing.

[Evie chuckles]

Nope.

EVIE: What are you doing?

- I'm gonna take a risk.

- You're leaving?

- Yes, sis! We love to see it.

- No. - Don't.

You can't just go, Nina. [Chuckles]

We're literally eating the food of Firenze.

- We're supposed to be eating the food of takeaway Tuesday.

RANESH: No, no, Evie.

No, no, she is embracing her new self,

Entering her new era. She's self-actualizing.

We should let her go. EVIE: Where are you even going?

NINA: I'm gonna go bowling with my work colleagues

like a normal person, and nobody can stop me.

- No, you're not!

You hate putting your fingers in the holes.

- Yes, well, Evie, sometimes we have

to stick our fingers in holes we don't like.

- Uh, Nina,

you'll have to wear the bowling shoes.

They'll make you.

- I don't care.

It's time I did my own thing.

- OK. Well, obviously, I'll support you.

- Thank you. EVIE: Because women should

always support other women.

- Mm-hmm. - No matter what.

- Yes. Peace out.

♪ ♪

- Well, she has completely lost it.

- Hmm.

I just want to say how honored I am

to be included in such a vulnerable conversation

between two sisters.

[Chuckles] Come on, I'll show you.

NINA: [chuckles]

- It's three spins,

just like the Italians do it.

- Ooh! - There you go. Perfection.

- I want to wear my own shoes.

But...

[Twangy electric guitar music]

[Arcade games dinging, coins clattering]

- Oh, Nina, over here!

Nina, we're here.

You've finally come along. [Chuckles]

Get stuck in.

ROXANNE: Excuse me, Shane.

As per our booking form,

all players have to wear bowling shoes.

- I don't wear bowling shoes.

- Yeah, i-if Nina doesn't want to wear bowling shoes, Roxanne,

that's, like, you know, totally OK with all of us.

- I looked it up, and in every other

bowling alley in the world,

a flat-soled shoe will suffice.

- It might be a different story in other bowling alleys.

But here at Bowling four U,

when we bowl, so help me God,

we wear bowling shoes.

- I'm sorry, Nina. Roxanne's right.

I mean, I'd let you.

But it's these pesky rules. Grr.

- I'm gonna fight zombies.

[Weapons blasting, zombies growling]

- Did you know they actually use these games

to scout for government assassins?

- Jesus, Declan, announce yourself.

Gun up.

- I thought you had takeaways with your sister on Tuesdays.

- Yeah, that's what I thought.

And then I had to meet Ranesh.

And I didn't want to meet Ranesh

because I thought he was gonna be annoying.

And then I met Ranesh, and it turns out,

he is annoying.

And he's ruined Tuesday night takeaway

with his pasta from Firenze.

And...and everything's changed

because Evie wants to walk on a knife edge.

And since I've been forced against my will

to find a new activity for a Tuesday night,

I decided to come bowling,

where I'm being told I have to wear shoes full of disease.

- Bowling shoes are full of disease.

You're right about that.

- If you agree that bowling shoes are disgusting,

why do you come here?

- Gemma wants me to put myself forward more at work.

- Who's Gemma?

- Gemma, my wife of 23 years.

- Oh.

- Anyway, I like bowling. And I'm good at it.

It's my flexible elbows. [Chuckles]

- Evie said I wouldn't be able to bowl.

And she's right.

- People like to put things in boxes.

Look at Shane.

Can't even accept that dinosaurs had feathers

'cause he doesn't remember it from "Jurassic Park."

But look at you.

Nobody thought you'd never come to team-building bowling.

But here you are.

You're a dinosaur with feathers.

PERSON: Good shot.

[Zombies growling]

- The people we love won't ever understand

how hard it can be to do these things.

But we do them anyway.

For them.

And after years of experimentation,

I've come up with a neat trick.

The old double sock.

- Declan, it is a travesty that your genius

has yet to be recognized.

- Don't let them put you in a box.

[Zombies growling]

PERSON: Go.

- I'll try.

And I'll bowl.

But I am gonna wear my own shoes.

PERSON: Final round.

[Zombies roaring]

[weapons blasting]

New high score.

SHANE: Colored balls. Why are they all that color?

'Cause a green one might be nice

and then a stripe down the middle.

NINA: [breathing heavily]

ROXANNE: Shane, what is she doing?

Where are her shoes?

- I am self-actualizing.

[Groans]

[people cheering]

[bowling pins clatter]

DECLAN: Hooray!

SHANE: Yay! DECLAN: [laughs]

SHANE: Yay!

You got a strike.

Amazing.

SINGER: ♪ Friends like these, who needs enemies ♪

- Marvelous. Bloody marvelous.

[Laughter]

[Former Champ's "Beginner's Luck"]

♪ Picked a fight with a quarterback ♪

♪ Maybe I had something to do with it ♪

♪ Germany, they got a word for it ♪

EVIE: Hi. NINA: Hiya.

- I left you some pasta.

NINA: Thank you.

[Clears throat]

- How was your night?

- Yeah, um, it was good.

I...killed a bunch of zombies.

And then I got a strike.

And I talked to my colleagues

about how tired they are all the time.

- Sounds like a mad one. NINA: Mm.

[Muffled] Oh, my God.

Evie, this is so good!

- I know, right?

- He makes good pasta.

EVIE: Yeah.

[Laughter]

I'm really sorry about earlier.

Dinner and everything.

I think it was probably a bit too much too soon.

- As much as I think it's unhinged

and that Mum and Dad have lost their absolute minds,

if you want me to get on board with your wedding, then...

I'll do it.

I'll do it for you, Evie.

- I'd really like that.

- OK.

And...

I'll make an effort with Ranesh.

Even though he is arguably the most irritating man alive.

- Oh, Nina.

You remembered his name.

RANESH: Neens. - [Inhales sharply]

RANESH: You're back from conquering your Everest.

NINA: Hello! - Hi!

NINA: Your pasta slaps.

- Great. [Chuckles]

Did you ask her yet?

- Oh, yeah. Um...

[Exhales sharply] OK, Nina,

there's something that I wanted to talk to you about.

OK, as you know,

I love Mad Amber and Lulu and Luella and Lara.

They're, like, the best girls ever,

and I'd literally die for them.

But they've only known me for a wee bit of time.

And there's someone else,

someone who's... Pretty spectacular

who's known me for my whole life.

- Who? - You, you numpty.

- Oh. EVIE: [chuckles]

So, Nina...

Will you be my maid of honor?

- Yeah.

- Yeah? You'll do it?

- Yeah. RANESH: Yes.

She said yes.

I heard yes. She said yes.

That was a yes. - She said it. [squeals]

- Nina. - Oh, my God!

- [Laughs]

- Oh, my God. - Yes. I predicted it.

EVIE: You can choose the hen do.

RANESH: You could do bowling if you like that now, yes?

EVIE: There's gonna be dress fittings, cake, flowers.

We can do makeup trials, hair trials...

RANESH: Loads of flowers. EVIE: All trials.

You should get your bangs back. Twins.

RANESH: You could pick fidget spinners for the table.

We want it to be a fully inclusive wedding.

EVIE: It's gonna be so much fun.

RANESH: So much fun. The bestest fun.

The bestest much fun ever.

EVIE: This is the best day of my life.

Best sister ever!

[Camera Obscura's "Teenager"]

SINGER: ♪ I went for a stroll after dark ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I thought of you and her while staring at the black ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I didn't have you down for being easily led ♪

♪ The girl well-read ♪

♪ ♪