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1
00:00:04,024 --> 00:00:05,351
Live television.
2
00:00:05,447 --> 00:00:06,546
Who cares?
3
00:00:07,022 --> 00:00:08,691
Who cares? Everybody.
4
00:00:08,749 --> 00:00:09,815
We love live TV.
5
00:00:09,883 --> 00:00:10,982
Do we, Lemon?
6
00:00:11,129 --> 00:00:13,484
Do you really love the
overzealous studio audience
7
00:00:13,485 --> 00:00:14,869
who will applaud at anything?
8
00:00:15,001 --> 00:00:17,860
Here in the greatest city on earth,
New York City, baby? Whassup?
9
00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:24,413
Wait, what are you saying, Jack?
10
00:00:24,498 --> 00:00:25,823
'Cause "TGS" is live.
11
00:00:25,948 --> 00:00:27,040
Not any more.
12
00:00:27,115 --> 00:00:28,538
It's financially impractical.
13
00:00:28,591 --> 00:00:31,182
From now on, you write and shoot
the whole season in two weeks
14
00:00:31,234 --> 00:00:33,704
like "Wheel of fortune" or FOX news.
15
00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:35,770
No.
16
00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:37,886
I mean, I grew up on live TV.
17
00:00:37,972 --> 00:00:39,691
Friday night in my parents basement.
18
00:00:39,791 --> 00:00:41,424
A telethon and cheese steaks.
19
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,750
I can see it like it was yesterday.
20
00:00:45,322 --> 00:00:47,977
Best prom night ever!
21
00:00:51,517 --> 00:00:54,785
I'm going to lose my
virginity in nine years.
22
00:00:56,836 --> 00:00:58,329
"TGS" has to be live
23
00:00:58,351 --> 00:01:00,661
or it will lose all the
excitement and spontaneity.
24
00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:02,770
That's the beauty of live TV.
25
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:04,817
Anything can happen.
26
00:01:05,701 --> 00:01:06,998
There's a bathroom in here
27
00:01:07,022 --> 00:01:10,390
you can use, sir Paul McCartney.
28
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:23,945
See?
29
00:01:23,986 --> 00:01:24,827
Awesome.
30
00:01:25,124 --> 00:01:26,127
Yes.
31
00:01:26,261 --> 00:01:27,728
But my way is cheaper,
32
00:01:27,751 --> 00:01:30,385
and you only have to work
two weeks out of the year.
33
00:01:30,869 --> 00:01:32,272
I want to go to there.
34
00:01:33,879 --> 00:01:34,801
So it's settled.
35
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,295
Tonight is TGS's final live show.
36
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:38,359
What?
37
00:01:38,418 --> 00:01:41,243
No, live television is
an American tradition.
38
00:01:41,274 --> 00:01:42,640
You can't just throw it away!
39
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:43,679
Sorry, Kenneth.
40
00:01:43,733 --> 00:01:44,964
It's a done deal.
41
00:01:45,327 --> 00:01:47,344
Our last live show?
42
00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:50,053
No.
43
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,296
♪ Welcome to the "30
ROCK" live show on NBC ♪
44
00:02:00,348 --> 00:02:01,428
♪ Did you know ♪
45
00:02:01,429 --> 00:02:03,135
♪ That the 30 ROCK live show ♪
46
00:02:03,159 --> 00:02:05,283
♪ Comes live from NYC ♪
47
00:02:05,354 --> 00:02:08,154
30 ROCK
s06 ep19 - Live from studio, east coast
48
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:12,063
sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
49
00:02:12,868 --> 00:02:13,823
Hey!
50
00:02:13,852 --> 00:02:16,914
There's a rumor spreading
around here like wildfire.
51
00:02:16,951 --> 00:02:19,061
But unlike the wildfires
I've started,
52
00:02:19,084 --> 00:02:21,442
this one doesn't sexually arouse me.
53
00:02:22,224 --> 00:02:23,168
It's true, Hazel.
54
00:02:23,169 --> 00:02:25,670
Tonight will be our last
live show but don't worry.
55
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:26,765
It won't affect you.
56
00:02:26,795 --> 00:02:28,212
Unless my plan all along
57
00:02:28,213 --> 00:02:30,077
was to run on stage during a sketch
58
00:02:30,078 --> 00:02:31,887
and get discovered by Hollywood.
59
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:39,408
Liz.
60
00:02:39,424 --> 00:02:40,990
An important me-nouncement.
61
00:02:41,354 --> 00:02:43,723
Paul and I have decided
to get married.
62
00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:45,192
Oh. Wow.
63
00:02:45,292 --> 00:02:48,464
And I told Paul that he should
propose to me tonight on TG...
64
00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:50,950
- Absolutely not!
- You didn't let me finish.
65
00:02:51,011 --> 00:02:51,828
S.
66
00:02:52,577 --> 00:02:54,677
Jen, come one, it's our last live show!
67
00:02:54,717 --> 00:02:55,669
Exactly!
68
00:02:55,706 --> 00:02:57,887
And it's Jenna Maroney
is getting engaged,
69
00:02:57,903 --> 00:02:59,586
it's going to be on live TV.
70
00:02:59,890 --> 00:03:02,897
I've been working on my
reaction since I was 3.
71
00:03:03,091 --> 00:03:03,929
Aaah!
72
00:03:10,526 --> 00:03:12,150
It's happening, Liz.
73
00:03:13,672 --> 00:03:14,542
Miss Lemon,
74
00:03:14,543 --> 00:03:18,024
Mr. Donaghy just discovered you
can get pornography on the Internet.
75
00:03:18,381 --> 00:03:19,178
Oh, my gosh.
76
00:03:19,213 --> 00:03:20,518
He's going to die in there.
77
00:03:26,127 --> 00:03:26,959
What's going on?
78
00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:28,879
You called a meeting, Lemon.
79
00:03:29,071 --> 00:03:31,046
Actually, I called it.
80
00:03:31,091 --> 00:03:32,241
Gasp!
81
00:03:34,444 --> 00:03:36,522
Live television is sacred,
82
00:03:36,686 --> 00:03:38,608
and we are not leaving this room
83
00:03:38,616 --> 00:03:41,822
until the 12 of us have
agreed to defend her.
84
00:03:42,587 --> 00:03:44,818
There is a great American play
85
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:48,186
that was first written and
performed for live television.
86
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,169
It's called "12 angry men."
87
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,858
No, we are not debating
this like a jury.
88
00:03:52,911 --> 00:03:53,888
Shut him down, Jack.
89
00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:55,934
"12 angry men" is
preposterous Kenneth.
90
00:03:56,190 --> 00:03:59,617
11 decent Americans are swayed
by Jane Fonda's father?
91
00:03:59,662 --> 00:04:00,777
Open the door.
92
00:04:05,894 --> 00:04:07,744
How long do you think
you'll get away with this?
93
00:04:07,805 --> 00:04:11,086
Hazel or Jenna will know
that we're missing.
94
00:04:11,904 --> 00:04:14,134
Have an amazing set
tonight, everyone.
95
00:04:14,148 --> 00:04:15,762
I love you all.
96
00:04:15,832 --> 00:04:17,420
Tonight, night, Hazel.
97
00:04:17,464 --> 00:04:19,284
I do my surprise cameo
98
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,838
it goes viral, I take
medicine for it.
99
00:04:21,857 --> 00:04:23,955
Next stop, Hollywood, Florida
100
00:04:23,979 --> 00:04:25,400
to get the car from my mom.
101
00:04:25,406 --> 00:04:28,293
Next stop, California,
Pizza Kitchen,
102
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,496
to tell my old boss, suck it.
103
00:04:30,528 --> 00:04:32,312
Next stop, tinseltown,
104
00:04:32,358 --> 00:04:35,496
because Christmas decorations are
really cheap this time of year.
105
00:04:36,572 --> 00:04:40,304
Nothing brings our country
together like live television.
106
00:04:40,395 --> 00:04:43,184
In studio 6h, it's a
part of that tradition.
107
00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:46,992
Why it was right here that NBC
broadcast the final episode
108
00:04:47,047 --> 00:04:49,180
of the 1950s classic
109
00:04:49,212 --> 00:04:51,036
"The Lovebirds."
110
00:04:51,887 --> 00:04:54,830
It's the grandpa replacement comedy hour
111
00:04:54,855 --> 00:04:57,437
sponsored by Kraft Singles.
112
00:04:57,492 --> 00:05:00,726
Make it with milk, is the cheese
that won World War II.
113
00:05:01,420 --> 00:05:04,063
And now,
"The Lovebirds."
114
00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:06,906
Starring Cubby Gilmore
and Loretta Fields.
115
00:05:09,888 --> 00:05:11,655
I'm home, baby.
116
00:05:15,193 --> 00:05:16,793
And I could eat a horse.
117
00:05:17,705 --> 00:05:20,711
Don't you dare touch that
bacon till it's done, Larry.
118
00:05:21,039 --> 00:05:23,766
Ooooooh.
119
00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:28,056
Ooooo-boy.
120
00:05:28,714 --> 00:05:31,441
Oh, brother,
now I'm cooking a Turkey, too.
121
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:33,871
That's rich.
122
00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:36,836
One of these days, I'm
going to take a shot and blam!
123
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,376
And blow your face off.
124
00:05:39,811 --> 00:05:41,932
It would still be
better than our honeymoon.
125
00:05:42,804 --> 00:05:45,422
What was wrong with Niagara Falls?
126
00:05:45,855 --> 00:05:48,117
Your mother found it chilly.
127
00:05:49,473 --> 00:05:50,837
You're a real cut-up.
128
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,828
In fact, one of these days I'm
gonna cut you up in pieces
129
00:05:53,829 --> 00:05:55,600
and feed you to the neighbor's dogs.
130
00:05:56,124 --> 00:05:59,416
It will be the first time you've
taken me out for dinner in years.
131
00:06:00,172 --> 00:06:02,617
Keep it up, Doris and bang, zoom,
132
00:06:02,641 --> 00:06:05,813
I'm going to drown you in the bathtub
and say a mental patient did it.
133
00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,797
Like I always say...
134
00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:10,301
Aaaaachh.
135
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,968
That's a funny thing to say.
136
00:06:14,018 --> 00:06:15,249
This is real.
137
00:06:15,525 --> 00:06:17,108
Real heart attack.
138
00:06:18,181 --> 00:06:20,295
Here, eat the bacon.
139
00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:21,947
It'll lubricate your heart.
140
00:06:21,994 --> 00:06:23,172
Ride it out.
141
00:06:23,211 --> 00:06:25,711
Ride it to hell.
142
00:06:26,336 --> 00:06:29,058
Come on now, Larry.
Don't be a sissy...
143
00:06:30,784 --> 00:06:32,900
I'm having a heart attack, too.
144
00:06:33,364 --> 00:06:35,050
My marriage is a sham.
145
00:06:35,077 --> 00:06:37,083
My makeup lady is my lover.
146
00:06:42,253 --> 00:06:46,015
Hello.
I'm Nazi doctor Heinrich Spaceman.
147
00:06:46,426 --> 00:06:47,774
I mean doctor.
148
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,841
We can edit that out, right?
149
00:06:50,001 --> 00:06:51,401
Oh, it's live!
150
00:06:52,472 --> 00:06:55,396
Are you a modern housewife
who is in the family way?
151
00:06:55,441 --> 00:06:57,721
Smoke Chattertons cigarettes.
152
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:01,538
Your baby's lungs need refreshing
nicotine for science reasons.
153
00:07:01,576 --> 00:07:04,377
And his growing bones need
tar to hold them together.
154
00:07:04,774 --> 00:07:07,751
Nine out of ten doctors
surveyed said, who is this?
155
00:07:07,765 --> 00:07:09,538
Why are you calling so late?
156
00:07:09,992 --> 00:07:12,114
But the tenth guy was into it.
157
00:07:13,812 --> 00:07:16,701
♪ Chattertons tastes so cool and mild
158
00:07:16,754 --> 00:07:19,589
♪ a treat for you and
your unborn child ♪
159
00:07:31,964 --> 00:07:33,900
Jenna, remember that package
160
00:07:33,901 --> 00:07:35,827
you made me take to
Singapore last summer?
161
00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:38,692
I just got out of Changi prison.
162
00:07:39,837 --> 00:07:43,127
Thank you.
Just portion control and exercise.
163
00:07:45,568 --> 00:07:47,205
Paul!
164
00:07:51,231 --> 00:07:52,845
Did you pick up the ring?
165
00:07:52,883 --> 00:07:54,433
Liza Minnelli's baby tooth
166
00:07:54,486 --> 00:07:58,121
surrounded by rubies that passed
through a terrified Michael Kors.
167
00:07:59,622 --> 00:08:01,976
It'll look amazing on camera.
168
00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:05,089
Look . I don't want
to propose on TV.
169
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,328
I want it to be private.
170
00:08:06,390 --> 00:08:07,848
What are you saying, Paul?
171
00:08:08,068 --> 00:08:09,537
Rick Santorum is right.
172
00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:12,601
Marriage is a sacred union
between a man and a woman.
173
00:08:13,138 --> 00:08:15,027
Which is why I'm asking you right now
174
00:08:15,106 --> 00:08:16,873
to make me the luckiest schman...
175
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:23,087
Look, I'm sorry to play the
biological woman card here,
176
00:08:23,275 --> 00:08:25,893
but according to Roe V. Dwyane Wade,
177
00:08:27,148 --> 00:08:28,416
I have a right to choose.
178
00:08:28,455 --> 00:08:31,040
And I choose a televised proposal.
179
00:08:31,101 --> 00:08:32,416
If you can't give me that,
180
00:08:32,417 --> 00:08:34,081
I'm not sure what my answer will be.
181
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:36,000
Are you giving me an ultimatum?
182
00:08:36,204 --> 00:08:38,092
Look, I am the man here, Jenna.
183
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:40,831
I may have a dress and a
wig and a gynecologist,
184
00:08:40,870 --> 00:08:42,761
but I am the man.
185
00:08:48,758 --> 00:08:50,428
Without live TV,
186
00:08:50,473 --> 00:08:53,201
think of the amazing moments
we would have missed.
187
00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:54,609
The moon landing.
188
00:08:54,727 --> 00:08:55,925
The Beatles.
189
00:08:55,957 --> 00:08:57,813
"The Voice" results show.
190
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,480
That time Mr. Lutz was an extra
191
00:08:59,565 --> 00:09:01,455
and he got so nervous he threw up.
192
00:09:01,516 --> 00:09:03,416
No, don't remind him.
193
00:09:03,966 --> 00:09:05,434
Oh, I had veal.
194
00:09:05,463 --> 00:09:07,439
I had veal with cheese on it.
195
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,677
And what about Joey Montero's
196
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,308
old variety show?
197
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,306
He was just like you, Mr. Jordan,
198
00:09:14,307 --> 00:09:16,288
because he didn't want to rehearse
199
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,716
and he wanted to get out of there
200
00:09:17,739 --> 00:09:19,551
as soon as possible.
201
00:09:24,625 --> 00:09:28,230
Ladies and gentlemen,
Joey Montero.
202
00:09:29,288 --> 00:09:32,056
♪
203
00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:34,679
♪ Que facciamo con questo
204
00:09:35,037 --> 00:09:37,997
♪ my love is nowhere in sight
205
00:09:38,041 --> 00:09:41,077
♪ que facciamo con questo
206
00:09:41,213 --> 00:09:45,115
♪ I ask the moon every night ♪
207
00:09:45,542 --> 00:09:48,346
We've got a great
show for you tonight.
208
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:49,985
We got a great show.
209
00:09:50,002 --> 00:09:52,685
At least that's what the
Jews I pay tell me.
210
00:09:53,573 --> 00:09:56,206
I tell you, I feel great.
I slept like a baby last night.
211
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:58,938
I woke up crying with
a boob in my mouth.
212
00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:05,900
Okay, that was the joke stuff.
213
00:10:05,930 --> 00:10:08,300
All right, here comes a lady.
214
00:10:08,515 --> 00:10:10,883
Hi, Joey, I'm Dusty Springfield.
215
00:10:10,939 --> 00:10:12,808
Sure, let's go with that.
216
00:10:12,823 --> 00:10:16,986
♪ When I said I needed you
217
00:10:17,004 --> 00:10:18,620
♪ I need you too, baby ♪
218
00:10:18,653 --> 00:10:23,159
♪ You said you would always stay ♪
219
00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:25,000
I can see it inside your mouth.
220
00:10:25,029 --> 00:10:28,618
♪ It wasn't me who changed but you
221
00:10:28,657 --> 00:10:29,757
Oh, we are on a bounch.
222
00:10:29,773 --> 00:10:33,741
♪ And now you've gone away ♪
223
00:10:33,764 --> 00:10:36,048
That's pretty.
224
00:10:36,072 --> 00:10:38,882
♪ You don't have to say you love me
225
00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:41,046
♪ just be close at hand ♪
226
00:10:41,096 --> 00:10:42,495
Where's the gang going tonight fellas?
227
00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:44,588
****
228
00:10:45,219 --> 00:10:47,276
you're invited, too, stringbean
229
00:10:47,369 --> 00:10:50,190
but bring the coofee for the morning,
if you know what I'm saying.
230
00:10:51,365 --> 00:10:55,164
I just burped up clams casino
which is weird 'cause I didn't have any.
231
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:58,547
Well, hello there glasess.
232
00:10:59,116 --> 00:10:59,883
Glamour.
233
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,078
Excitement.
234
00:11:01,139 --> 00:11:03,939
What we today would call alcoholism.
235
00:11:04,117 --> 00:11:06,431
Live television had everything.
236
00:11:06,452 --> 00:11:07,767
Well, not everything.
237
00:11:07,794 --> 00:11:09,122
Where were the black people?
238
00:11:09,173 --> 00:11:10,182
Oh.
239
00:11:10,291 --> 00:11:12,088
Actually, Mr. Spurlock,
240
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:15,349
NBC had the first two
black characters on TV.
241
00:11:15,519 --> 00:11:16,501
Sort of.
242
00:11:16,537 --> 00:11:18,411
For "Alfie and Abner," NBC hired
243
00:11:18,433 --> 00:11:21,176
one African-American
and one Caucasian
244
00:11:21,205 --> 00:11:23,073
because they thought two black
people on the same show
245
00:11:23,092 --> 00:11:24,611
would make the audience nervous.
246
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,376
A rule NBC still uses today.
247
00:11:32,139 --> 00:11:34,358
Abner, I'm home from work.
248
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:36,519
Where are you, my brother?
249
00:11:36,588 --> 00:11:38,736
Here I is, Alfie.
250
00:11:44,895 --> 00:11:47,308
Oh, hell no. I am not doing this.
251
00:11:49,554 --> 00:11:52,632
NBC received a lot
of complaints...
252
00:11:52,740 --> 00:11:55,658
That the show wasn't on often enough.
253
00:11:55,742 --> 00:11:58,552
So they forced Theodore Freeman
to honor his contract.
254
00:12:00,464 --> 00:12:03,478
I's done stole this catfish.
255
00:12:04,398 --> 00:12:06,866
Sir, I am asking
you as a human being
256
00:12:07,005 --> 00:12:09,017
so please stop talking like that.
257
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:11,524
I's gonna eat it
till I'm bellyful.
258
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,527
This is debasing to both of us.
259
00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:17,916
I was a tuskegee airman.
260
00:12:18,152 --> 00:12:20,159
Zip-a-Dee-goo-goo.
261
00:12:21,428 --> 00:12:22,654
You may anger me,
262
00:12:22,677 --> 00:12:26,171
but I believe nonviolence
is the path to change.
263
00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:29,697
And I believes you can
catch a rainbow in your hat.
264
00:12:30,052 --> 00:12:32,786
I'll kill you, you ignorant
265
00:12:34,930 --> 00:12:38,375
believe it or not, they
did not stop doing the show,
266
00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:42,000
which made for tense
but thrilling live TV.
267
00:12:51,432 --> 00:12:53,432
Banjo...
268
00:13:00,541 --> 00:13:01,203
Kenneth.
269
00:13:01,233 --> 00:13:02,379
I've frankly lost track
270
00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:04,181
of what you were trying
to convince us of
271
00:13:04,182 --> 00:13:06,497
with these detailed descriptions
of television shows.
272
00:13:06,763 --> 00:13:08,244
Thank you.
273
00:13:08,646 --> 00:13:09,515
Come on.
274
00:13:09,552 --> 00:13:11,805
Times change.
Television replaced radio.
275
00:13:11,819 --> 00:13:13,506
Cars replaced horses.
276
00:13:13,806 --> 00:13:15,236
Not where I'm from.
277
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:18,381
Are you telling me the mayor
of your hometown is a car?
278
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,170
Pretty weird.
279
00:13:21,270 --> 00:13:23,303
Why are you laughing at me?
280
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,831
Okay.
Let's all take a little break.
281
00:13:28,325 --> 00:13:31,229
Hello.
I'm Nazi doctor Leo Speceman.
282
00:13:31,472 --> 00:13:34,272
I know it's live, I want people to know.
283
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:38,048
Did your mother smoke Chatterton
cigarettes while pregnant
284
00:13:38,071 --> 00:13:40,063
during the 1950s or 60s?
285
00:13:40,093 --> 00:13:42,704
If she did, you
probably can't hear me
286
00:13:42,727 --> 00:13:45,137
because of fetal
Chatterton syndrome.
287
00:13:45,237 --> 00:13:47,348
Turn up the volume!
288
00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:49,758
Recent study is it show that
289
00:13:49,759 --> 00:13:51,493
while pregnancy is disgusting,
290
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:54,688
babies do not need tar or nicotine.
291
00:13:54,865 --> 00:13:57,552
If you are currently suffering
from Chatterton syndrome,
292
00:13:57,590 --> 00:14:01,211
please, use your Bird-like
claws to dial the number below
293
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:04,305
then use the rectum you have
instead of a mouth
294
00:14:04,350 --> 00:14:06,987
to say something like "wrulgh" or
295
00:14:07,090 --> 00:14:08,423
"thunghth"
296
00:14:08,443 --> 00:14:12,275
to signify that you wish to join a
class action suit against Chattertons.
297
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:15,864
♪ If you have scales instead of skin
298
00:14:16,091 --> 00:14:18,942
♪ pick up the phone suit the Chattertons.
299
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:26,946
All right. This is idiotic.
300
00:14:26,976 --> 00:14:28,322
We've got a show to do it and...
301
00:14:28,383 --> 00:14:29,639
Oh, my God, Kenneth.
302
00:14:29,652 --> 00:14:30,807
It's my period.
303
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:32,530
It's a-gonna blow.
304
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:36,515
We both know you're not
due for another nine days.
305
00:14:37,278 --> 00:14:39,769
And I'm ashamed of you, Ms. Lemon.
306
00:14:39,814 --> 00:14:42,582
Think of your hero, Rosemary Howard.
307
00:14:42,651 --> 00:14:46,041
She wrote for the edgiest live
variety show of all time,
308
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:48,562
"The Gruber Brother and Nipsey."
309
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:54,274
Hey, Nipsey, what do you get when
you cross a chicken with a hippie?
310
00:14:54,335 --> 00:14:55,477
I don't know, Dickie.
311
00:14:55,506 --> 00:14:58,052
What do you get when you cross
a chicken with a hippie?
312
00:14:58,270 --> 00:15:01,281
I don't know, but LBJ
likes them both fried.
313
00:15:01,388 --> 00:15:02,487
Lay it on me.
314
00:15:03,993 --> 00:15:05,264
Lay it on me.
315
00:15:06,508 --> 00:15:08,163
Lay it on me.
316
00:15:10,173 --> 00:15:11,857
Lay it on me.
317
00:15:12,889 --> 00:15:14,526
Now, as you know, Nipsey...
318
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:16,977
I'm the first streaker.
319
00:15:17,106 --> 00:15:19,040
Streaking's the new thing.
320
00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:21,083
We touched penises.
321
00:15:22,424 --> 00:15:25,985
We interrupt this program to bring
you an NBC news special report.
322
00:15:26,233 --> 00:15:27,525
From Rockefeller center,
323
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,356
Chet Huntley and David Brinkley.
324
00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:32,356
Good evening.
325
00:15:32,369 --> 00:15:34,324
NBC news has learned that
less than an hour ago
326
00:15:34,363 --> 00:15:37,311
there was an explosion aboard
the Apollo 13 spacecraft.
327
00:15:37,456 --> 00:15:39,037
- David?
- Thank you, Chet.
328
00:15:39,621 --> 00:15:40,420
Chet?
329
00:15:40,497 --> 00:15:41,296
Thank you, David.
330
00:15:41,864 --> 00:15:43,794
We are awaiting further information.
David?
331
00:15:44,191 --> 00:15:44,957
Thank you, Chet.
332
00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:47,404
Let's go to the manned
space center in Houston
333
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:49,585
and our reporter on the scene, Mr.
Jamie Garnett.
334
00:15:49,639 --> 00:15:50,705
Jamie?
335
00:15:50,827 --> 00:15:52,140
Thank you, Chet and David.
336
00:15:52,192 --> 00:15:54,496
I'm sorry, sweetheart, could you
move out of the way of our camera?
337
00:15:54,644 --> 00:15:57,071
We need to talk to our new
reporter Jamie Garnett.
338
00:15:57,163 --> 00:15:58,279
Now, where is he?
339
00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,926
I'm Jamie Garnett, gentlemen.
340
00:15:59,995 --> 00:16:02,483
I spoke earlier with NASA
flight director Glynn Lunney...
341
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,774
Listen, doll, you're
not making any sense.
342
00:16:06,061 --> 00:16:08,158
You're probably hysterical
from menstruation.
343
00:16:08,189 --> 00:16:10,342
Go lie down and make sure
you get plenty of iron.
344
00:16:10,374 --> 00:16:11,792
Maybe eat a ham salad...
345
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,229
And I'm being told that
commander James Lovell...
346
00:16:15,253 --> 00:16:16,685
Honey, you have a dynamite shape,
347
00:16:16,686 --> 00:16:18,097
but you're going to have to shut up
348
00:16:18,098 --> 00:16:19,749
and let a man tell
us what's happening.
349
00:16:20,482 --> 00:16:23,540
Now, is your father or
a policeman nearby?
350
00:16:24,452 --> 00:16:26,651
Look, where did you find
that microphone, sugar mouth?
351
00:16:26,727 --> 00:16:28,009
Was it just lying
there on the ground?
352
00:16:28,102 --> 00:16:29,706
Where is Jamie Garnett?
353
00:16:29,742 --> 00:16:33,982
This just in, male NBC news
reporter Jamie Garnett is missing.
354
00:16:34,331 --> 00:16:36,046
I'm right here you mother...
355
00:16:36,418 --> 00:16:39,470
Classic live television.
356
00:16:39,647 --> 00:16:41,541
And while they never
found Jamie Garnett,
357
00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:45,514
that woman who stole his
microphone went on to become
358
00:16:45,735 --> 00:16:46,813
a wife.
359
00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:51,099
Has Paul not come back?
He's not answering his phone.
360
00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:52,077
What have I done?
361
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,673
Calm down.
Paul's gone,
362
00:16:53,674 --> 00:16:55,867
but you're getting proposed
to on the show tonight.
363
00:16:55,938 --> 00:16:56,828
By me.
364
00:16:56,867 --> 00:16:57,899
This is New York state bitch,
365
00:16:57,952 --> 00:17:00,252
anyone can marry anything now.
366
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:01,295
What?
But...
367
00:17:01,327 --> 00:17:02,706
Come on. Everything you want,
368
00:17:02,737 --> 00:17:04,770
think what great TV this will be.
369
00:17:04,833 --> 00:17:05,659
It's all you want.
370
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,860
No, it's not what I want.
371
00:17:08,048 --> 00:17:09,915
Paul is everything I want.
372
00:17:09,977 --> 00:17:11,563
He's the reason to get married,
373
00:17:11,612 --> 00:17:12,801
not TV.
374
00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:14,950
Rick Santorum was right.
375
00:17:15,332 --> 00:17:17,098
How could I have been so blind?
376
00:17:17,277 --> 00:17:19,078
Because you're a horrible person?
377
00:17:19,710 --> 00:17:23,014
Thank you.
Just portion control and lots of water.
378
00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:29,311
All in favor of
keeping "TGS" live?
379
00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:33,179
It's still not unanimous.
And it never will be.
380
00:17:33,224 --> 00:17:34,375
This is a business, Kenneth, and
381
00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:35,974
if live TV went away,
382
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:38,762
the only thing that would change
would be NBC's profit margin.
383
00:17:38,995 --> 00:17:40,504
That's not true, Jackie D.
384
00:17:41,899 --> 00:17:43,716
Oh, come on, that
wasn't that dramatic.
385
00:17:44,238 --> 00:17:45,864
Live TV changed my life.
386
00:17:46,009 --> 00:17:48,297
In 1986 my church dance crew
387
00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:50,284
performed on a regional telethon.
388
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:51,669
It was my big break.
389
00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:52,788
Flashback.
390
00:17:57,567 --> 00:17:59,357
This is for you, Jesus.
391
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:04,973
♪
392
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,068
Ow, my coccyx!
393
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:10,895
It's not funny.
394
00:18:10,987 --> 00:18:14,119
Coccyx is the scientific
term for your butt bone.
395
00:18:15,315 --> 00:18:17,257
Why are you all laughing?
396
00:18:19,551 --> 00:18:20,951
I like it.
397
00:18:21,258 --> 00:18:22,134
Coccyx.
398
00:18:22,205 --> 00:18:23,337
Coccyx.
399
00:18:23,862 --> 00:18:24,797
You know what this is?
400
00:18:24,828 --> 00:18:26,532
This is the garry-o-many core.
401
00:18:29,323 --> 00:18:30,644
Oh, my God.
402
00:18:31,349 --> 00:18:32,634
I remember that.
403
00:18:33,636 --> 00:18:34,803
That was you?
404
00:18:34,835 --> 00:18:37,392
That's when I realized
I was a ridiculous man.
405
00:18:37,436 --> 00:18:39,067
Tracy, I was there.
406
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:40,911
As a lower-level GE employee,
407
00:18:40,927 --> 00:18:43,067
I was answering phones
at that telethon.
408
00:18:43,098 --> 00:18:44,300
When you took off your clothes,
409
00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:46,133
they cut to the phone banks.
410
00:18:46,195 --> 00:18:47,161
Gasp.
411
00:18:47,222 --> 00:18:49,396
I made a hilarious prank call
412
00:18:49,427 --> 00:18:50,677
to that telethon.
413
00:18:51,254 --> 00:18:53,019
Did the man who answered the phone
414
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:55,882
sound like he had the piercing
blue eyes of an ice dragon?
415
00:18:56,529 --> 00:18:57,550
Yes.
416
00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:03,810
Hello, I'd like to speak
to General Electric.
417
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,267
Madam,
418
00:19:09,016 --> 00:19:11,376
I'm afraid you're confused.
419
00:19:11,907 --> 00:19:13,627
I was a nurse in the war
420
00:19:13,659 --> 00:19:15,512
and I met him when he
was just a colonel.
421
00:19:15,552 --> 00:19:17,623
He's the father of my child.
422
00:19:18,112 --> 00:19:20,347
General Electric is not a person.
423
00:19:21,252 --> 00:19:23,997
Toby, come talk to your father.
424
00:19:24,124 --> 00:19:27,116
Daddy, it's your
son, Toby Electric.
425
00:19:29,364 --> 00:19:31,181
I can tell by your voice that
426
00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:33,793
you are a very ungainly teenage girl from
427
00:19:34,379 --> 00:19:36,273
southeastern Pennsylvania.
428
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:38,528
Ah-ha, ya burnt.
429
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:39,928
How you like me now?
430
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,004
Young lady, no one... no one
431
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,275
jokes down General Electric.
432
00:19:46,331 --> 00:19:49,331
And if I ever...
433
00:19:55,045 --> 00:19:56,445
Do you mind?
434
00:19:58,581 --> 00:19:59,701
If I ever
435
00:20:00,269 --> 00:20:02,898
get my thick,
manly hands on you,
436
00:20:02,899 --> 00:20:05,337
I will roast you alive in
an oven I design myself,
437
00:20:05,369 --> 00:20:07,571
using two, no, three kinds of heat.
438
00:20:07,904 --> 00:20:10,121
I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it.
439
00:20:11,715 --> 00:20:13,609
Watching you get
all red-faced on TV,
440
00:20:14,367 --> 00:20:16,260
that was the night I
found my calling...
441
00:20:16,430 --> 00:20:17,686
Sticking it to the man.
442
00:20:17,811 --> 00:20:19,739
You know what?
That night changed my life, too.
443
00:20:19,756 --> 00:20:21,186
Don Geiss saw my
444
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,565
loyalty/handsomeness and the next day
445
00:20:23,566 --> 00:20:26,907
he promoted me out of poisons
and into microwaves.
446
00:20:27,023 --> 00:20:29,775
Live TV made us all
what we are today.
447
00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:31,920
No need to take another vote.
448
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,580
"TGS" is meant to be live.
449
00:20:33,671 --> 00:20:34,756
To make it more profitable,
450
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,323
we'll just do more sponsor
product placements
451
00:20:37,376 --> 00:20:39,439
you should do it with the
upcoming Warner Brothers movie,
452
00:20:39,475 --> 00:20:41,288
"Rock of Ages," based on
the hit Broadway musical.
453
00:20:41,328 --> 00:20:43,430
Rocking a theater near you June 15th.
454
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,192
Tom Cruise sings.
455
00:20:48,057 --> 00:20:49,832
Or I'll just pay you all less.
456
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,183
Kenneth, let us out of here.
457
00:20:59,829 --> 00:21:01,097
Paul didn't come.
458
00:21:01,140 --> 00:21:02,348
I ruined everything.
459
00:21:02,370 --> 00:21:03,676
Yeah, you blew it.
460
00:21:03,742 --> 00:21:06,955
So I'll just jump out at some
point and lez it up with you?
461
00:21:07,335 --> 00:21:08,358
Okay.
462
00:21:09,653 --> 00:21:11,712
We're on in five, four,
463
00:21:11,911 --> 00:21:14,511
three, krang...
464
00:21:15,514 --> 00:21:18,387
And now, "Prince William and
time travelling fart detectives".
465
00:21:20,668 --> 00:21:22,488
Ha, take that the man!
466
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:26,665
Prince, do you smell
something fishy?
467
00:21:26,725 --> 00:21:28,361
Who's that dude?
468
00:21:28,922 --> 00:21:30,998
♪ Zou bisou bisou ♪
469
00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:35,157
♪ Zou bisou bisou ♪
470
00:21:36,241 --> 00:21:40,662
♪ Zou bisou bisou ♪
471
00:21:44,374 --> 00:21:47,845
Jenna Maroney, you're the
woman I want to grow old with.
472
00:21:47,882 --> 00:21:50,843
"Old" being an acronym
for oxylaprodexatrin,
473
00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:54,563
a hallucinogenic plant extract
that makes sex terrifying.
474
00:21:55,163 --> 00:21:57,825
I want to spend the rest of
my life making you happy.
475
00:21:57,995 --> 00:22:01,877
That's why I'm asking you,
on TV, to marry me.
476
00:22:02,116 --> 00:22:03,454
Oh, Paul.
477
00:22:04,246 --> 00:22:07,494
No, no, a million times no.
478
00:22:07,637 --> 00:22:09,263
Not like this.
479
00:22:09,530 --> 00:22:11,659
I don't want to get
married for publicity.
480
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:13,774
I want to get married for you.
481
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,900
And so you don't testify
against me in court.
482
00:22:17,117 --> 00:22:18,874
I still don't know
what's going on.
483
00:22:27,976 --> 00:22:30,122
Classic live TV?
484
00:22:31,372 --> 00:22:32,754
I slipped.
485
00:22:32,816 --> 00:22:35,264
I slipped and hit my
head in the bathroom.
486
00:22:35,356 --> 00:22:36,313
Who am I?
487
00:22:36,527 --> 00:22:37,790
You are my boyfriend.
488
00:22:37,864 --> 00:22:41,155
We were just going to call some people
I went to high school with.
489
00:22:55,103 --> 00:22:56,750
Thanks to Lorne Michaels,
490
00:22:56,788 --> 00:22:58,480
Paul McCartney,
491
00:22:58,510 --> 00:23:06,529
John Hamm, Jimmy Fallon, Amy Poehler, Fred Armisen,
Chris Parnell, Will Forte, Donald Glover, Kristen Schaal
492
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,742
Cheyenne Jackson, Beth McCarthy-Miller.
493
00:23:08,808 --> 00:23:11,880
SNL crew, I love you,
30 Rock crew, I love you.
494
00:23:11,897 --> 00:23:13,247
This happened again.
495
00:23:13,346 --> 00:23:14,412
How did that happen?
496
00:23:15,139 --> 00:23:16,862
Watch "Parks and Rec" tonight
497
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:18,196
directed by Amy Pohler.
498
00:23:22,366 --> 00:23:27,404
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
35415
Can't find what you're looking for?
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