All language subtitles for [ OxTorrent.com ] Les.Sous.Doues.En.Vacances.1982.HDLight.1080p.TrueFrench.MP3-x264.en

[Upbeat music]

♪ While the credits roll I have
something to tell you, dear audience ♪

♪ so sit back in your chair ♪

♪ I explain everything to
you in the blink of an eye ♪

♪ damn! Another latecomer
hey Usher, lower your light ♪

♪ and a happy step that leaves he
thought he was seeing a duras film ♪

♪ you probably saw the 1st sub-gifted where
they all became high school graduates ♪

♪ we find all these idlers
who swim in full happiness ♪

♪ they are at a garden party
rather neuilly than porte de clichy ♪

♪ there's bébel and graffiti
zard, gaëtan and Togo following ♪

♪ We meet up with friends we talk about
the baccalaureate, we have a good laugh ♪

♪ it's not easy to make a hole
there's more than one left in it ♪

♪ still, they all graduated
barely cheating ♪

♪ cheating, they would do their
job but the profession is crowded ♪

At the alliance française, I
flirted with a beautiful girl...

- A blue-eyed American.
- "American"?

She lives in a loft.
I stay there too.

♪ It's true, what bébel says the
girl exists and she's beautiful ♪

♪ a real dream creature
girls like that kill me ♪

♪ also correct: He's at her house
Jennifer, I think her name is ♪

Where are you ?

I'm going on vacation to vichy.

Yes. Golf!

Me, I go to our
family home: Horse.

I am in the mountains.
Mono in a camp: Rock climbing.

The banks of the loire...

♪ Bébel preparing his effect
we won't see him in le touquet ♪

♪ at la grande-motte or pornichet
he's stronger than these dadais ♪

♪ he convinced his girl to go
pick the pineapples on the spot ♪

No no. Me, I'm going to
the Seychelles with Jennifer.

♪ In roubaix, here are twin sisters
claudine leaves for the Seychelles ♪

♪ the other, hélène, who is also
pretty goes to Paris to a friend ♪

You realize ? Seychelles !

Don't sulk. You could have
found yourself a guy to take you.

♪ Here is claudine vise's
fiancé a bit as she waddles ♪

Hello, honey.

Hello, Helen. How are you ?

♪ The twin pulls the face there
is a malaise in the bronchi ♪

♪ and here is Jean-Louis
glomo it's glory, the radio idol ♪

♪ because under the name of Paul
Memphis he blows up the box office ♪

Mr Jean-Louis glomo,

said Paul Memphis,
divorced from Annie ferratu,

from françoise Armand,
divorced from Marie ponce,

divorced from Patricia
goldenberg, from sylvie

Robert, divorced from
marianne girandon,

do you agree to take Carole
morel here as your wife?

Yes.

♪ This Memphis is a real flirty
there he falls his bridesmaid ♪

♪ I am silent: The film begins ♪

♪ it's called les
sous-doués on vacation ♪

Claudia, don't quit.

Yes. I find you tired.

- Not really.
- You need a vacation.

- I miss you, you know.
- How nice.

- How about a change of scenery?
- I'm in good shape.

We say that, then we are sick.

- Come back or I'll be sick.
- You do too much.

- A vacation would do you good.
- I assure you: I am in good shape.

- Are you tired of yugoslavia?
- It's not the Seychelles.

- You should go to the Seychelles.
- To do what ?

To relax.
You have rested enough.

Go to the Seychelles. Claudia.

- I'm going to be bored, all alone.
- Go with a friend.

Mamour, we will be
fine, in the Seychelles:

The coconut trees, the sun...

You, me, naked on a beach...

And the other apple, in Paris,
with a turtleneck and tights.

We will not stay in Paris.
We will descend in the south.

"In the south"? Yuck!

The sea: A public dump.
Put your left foot in the water,

it brings luck.

Anything !

What do you want me to do with it?

- For you to dive.
- Me, drown!

We are going late on the plane.

Me force anyone.

Pullovers, for the
Seychelles, it's not worth it.

No snow.

You give me the
keys of my apartment.

- Why ?
- [In English] For the janitor.

Ah ok.
It is for watering the plants.

Very well. You provident.

Man is a mammal.
Latin "mamma": "Udder".

Hence the first word spoken
by the child to the woman:

"Mama."

Association in the
infant's primary brain,

which confuses its
mother and its teats,

that is to say,
maternal love and food.

Nothing to do with the research
you commissioned me to

do, and yet, knowing that
your tour starts on July 20,

how to refuse people this year?

I have the answer.

Excuse me sir.

Don't pay attention to the
mess: I'm under construction.

Good. Make yourselves at home.

Don't make a mess. I'm joking !

I am going to work.
Good holidays !

Anytime, you. Good bye !

I'm going to buy my scuba gear.

If ever the plane is late or

early, you call
me at this number.

- Go on. Hi.
- See you later, honey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm so happy to go with him!

Me, in your place, it would do that to me too.

Johnny weissmüller swam so
well he could pull up his shower!

[Mocking laugh]

Good.

What am I going
to wear for travel?

Jeans... or dress?

A comfortable tracksuit.

I read

that American women
only traveled in tracksuits.

I do not have it.

I lend you mine.

This is an experimental love-computer,

which determines if 2 beings
are made for each other.

A cat, a mouse:
Let's make contact.

On the screen we can read,

thanks to a decoding system,

what their life would be like.

They are incompatible.
We already knew that.

But the love-computer
gives US visual proof of this.

This cat has given this
cat several litters this term.

They are made for each other.

You have on stage a
love-computer on a human scale.

You sing, connected to the device.

You invite your admirers
to take the place of this cat.

Imagine the impact!

- So ?
- It suits you very well.

In your place, I would go to the
hairdresser, because in the Seychelles...

Will stephane like it?

You think ! He will have the
impression of leaving with another.

Good !

If stéphane or air France call,

- you warn me.
- No problem.

We are able to scientifically
compose the hit of the

summer by testing it sound by
sound on human Guinea pigs.

Mamour, it's claudine.
We have to be there early.

I'll jump in a taxi and pick
you up. See you later, honey.

- Is it the Seychelles?
- Tickets, please.

Thanks.

So.

- Me waiting for you at the upstairs bar.
- Okay, okay.

Here, my sister.

The ticket, please.

I gave it.

This is only the cover, without ticket.

- It's not possible !
- Look.

I see, but... Jennifer!

Jennifer!

Jennifer!

You screwed up, giving me
an empty wallet without a ticket.

No. Me leave, you stay.
That's all.

You don't mess around.
You give ticket to me.

You stay.

- Why?
- That's life.

No. Life is you, me,
the sun, the Seychelles.

If you leave without
me, you'll be bored.

- Jenny baby!
- Bobby!

Step back.

Bobby's going with me.
My French teacher.

Pleasure to meet you.
Ciao, professor!

Ciao.

Jennifer!

You won't leave me
alone, without an apartment,

without money, without love!

Helen!

- She left ?
- In the Seychelles.

She left a note.

"Sorry, but I'm the one
leaving with stéphane.

"No hard feelings and happy holidays.
Your sister, hélène."

There was no need to rush.

They're talking nonsense.

- Shall we have a drink?
- Can't we go through customs?

- I'm thirsty here.
- Good. As you wish.

- Did you see ? There's Helen.
- Where ?

It's nice to have come.

- She's going to hit US.
- What blow?

She wants to leave so much that
she's going to pretend to be me.

3 years ago, she left for the
weekend with a boyfriend of mine.

Oh, the bitch!
And the guy saw nothing but fire?

Me, she hits me like
that, I notice it right away.

Cheer ! Are you two leaving?

And your hair, hélène?

No. It's claudine.
It's written on it.

- It is his. She lent it to me.
- But yes.

I preferred you with
long hair like... hélène.

Do you prefer Helena?

She is 100 times better.

- Are you kidding me ?
- I wouldn't.

How long has it been?

- But from the beginning!
- Bastard!

[They're laughing]

What an actress!

Calm down.

You're hanging out with my
man and I shouldn't say anything?

Hey, you're not pushing
the envelope... alright.

Bye darling. Have a good trip.

- And your girlfriend ?
- She's waiting for me in transit.

Bitches!

Mr Memphis,

- an autograph, please?
- Bitch!

Hey ! My stuff !

Hey !

- I haven't finished, hélène.
- I'm not Helen.

Ok.
Claudine and stéphane are gone?

Stéphane left with hélène.

- Is that your sister's jogging?
- Yes.

- So you speak Japanese?
- Yes.

Follow me.

Yamada, meet a friend
who speaks Japanese.

[Words in Japanese]

Does she speak Japanese?

Perfectly well.
Just a charming French accent.

Thank you Yamada.

We're going to talk quietly.
There is something that escaped me.

- Do you want to sleep here?
- Yes. It's quiet.

It's quiet... but it's forbidden.

Get out or I'll find you a
bed, and for free again!

I will help you!

In the bois de boulogne,
there may still be room.

Faster than that !
We take away! Come on !

Put that in the bag.

- Where are you going?
- I'm going camping.

- Your passport ?
- I am French.

- Where do you come from ?
- From the Eiffel Tower.

Here, it is a campsite reserved
for foreigners. Go back over there.

Passports, please.

[In German]

- Oh!
- Hush.

Me, franzose.
Me nicht passport.

Me hidden for schlafen in the camp.

- Schlafen? From ? Schlafen yesterday?
- Yes.

Paris ?

Bois de boulogne.

- Danke schön.
- Englisch...

It's Paris.

Do you know what we're gonna do?

Tomorrow, Memphis
will be in good

spirits, given that
he and Claudia...

So I ask him to
advance my vacation by

48 hours, he says
to me: "Yes, cocotte."

And the two of US
head for the sun.

And there, what do we do?
We flirt like sick people,

you meet the man of your life,
and everything is arranged. Ok ?

- Sir, for the contract...
- Cancel! Cancel!

[Disco music]

What are you doing here?

I was going to ask you to
move my vacation forward.

Nope ! Come on, outside!
Who's the one who's having fun?

He is a Guinea pig of Mr. Laurent.

Take her to the lab.
She has nothing to do here! Out !

[Romantic music]

- What is that ?
- They are your Guinea pigs.

I said 15 to 25 years old.
So you turn. Turn!

The vermeil card
is not my niche.

- Where are we going to find them, your 15-25?
- Anpe. That's it, over there.

Tomorrow, Renault,
Boulogne-Billancourt. Next !

Case ?

- I have my baccalaureate.
- It would rather be a handicap.

Wait.

- Do you like boxes?
- Yes.

- Do you like flirting with girls?
- Yes.

- Do you tolerate alcohol well?
- Yes yes.

- I might have something.
- Oh good ?

We don't look stupid like that!

No.

No. Something is missing there.

- The violins, there...
- We can try the violins.

Send the violins, please.

[Vigorous cry]

- What are you taking for deodorant?
- Well, Rex.

There were no more then.
Oh dear !

Good. It's good.

Carry on.

No. Stop!
It is not going well at all.

- We respect the material.
- Have you seen the template?

Good. Ok.

Dance with miss.
Go to the other side.

You have to do everything yourself.

Sir, on the other side.

I reconnect you. Let's go.

Oh no ! Look at me

those curves!

There, there are two of them,
it made tilt between them.

- Which couple?
- Hold on. I will isolate it for you.

Ah, those are the ones.

No, but look.

[Claudine laughs]

They are made for each other.
They don't know it, but I know it.

- You come here often ?
- Nope. It's the first time.

- Do your parents know?
- They believe me in the Seychelles.

No kidding ! Me too.

Stop! You have
one hour for lunch.

- We take breakfast together ?
- If you want.

- Of them ?
- Yes.

I have two, but not together.
Miss, here.

And you, upstairs.

So, see you soon.

[Hubbub]

Do you believe in fate?

We could have never met.

Do you want bread ? Do not move.

Here !

I like when you smile:
You're even more beautiful.

How do you find me ?

Funny.

Yeah, but I mean... physically?

You're not redford.

[Laughter]

I've already been told that.

And me, how do you find me?

Sleep with me and you will know.

[A man at the table] Oh, absolutely!

Hey ! I like when
I dance with me.

I love your perfume.

The tall girl I was
dancing with, she stank!

And mine ! Like: "I
took my bath in Cologne!"

Do you know what I would like?

That we are so well together
that we never leave each other.

I do not know you.

Exactly. I want to
live a great love story.

It's because you were dumped.

Jennifer, I would have left her

- for you.
- How nice.

Yes. And besides, it's true.

There, it would take
a rhyme with "shell".

"Overwork", "espionage",

"patronage", "beach"...

"Beach" !
We will try with "beach".

I would take you
dancing at the palace.

No. I am tired.
I go back to bed.

I didn't dare suggest it to you,
but since you mentioned it first...

It's fine, home. It's rustic.

I inherited my aunt's shack.

- My camping tent, of course!
- Of course.

I'm not showing you
around, but it's very big.

- There are cupboards everywhere!
- Yes. And it's rustic.

Whose is all this?

Well... it's mine. You see ?

This is what I put on to
go in the special boxes.

Is it your ex-girlfriend?

No way.
These are my personal effects.

Transvestite, go!

But not all the time.
I have breaks.

Hi !

[In German] This is Marilyn.

No no. I have already given.

We'll try that.

♪ Despair ♪

♪ I see everything
black it's going to rain ♪

- What does it give ?
- Nothing. The needles don't come off.

Do you have anything else?

♪ On the beach ♪

♪ I'll get you seashells ♪

- So, seafood?
- You can do better.

♪ Destiny ♪

♪ we were both destined ♪

Max! It works there.
The needles: Boom!

Well, we go with
that: "Destiny".

A ghost !

Mrs. Memphis, I presume?

You know, roissy,
it was a kind of gag.

I've never really been fooled.

You have a lot of humor.

How you can live with
someone without knowing them.

It's deep, that very deep.

- Am I less stupid than you thought?
- I wouldn't go that far.

With your 12 years of mental age,
you were not going to marry Marie curie.

No. No.

But we are compatible.

Ah, well, we'll know
that right away. Sorry !

Come over there.

It's grotesque.

Are you afraid of the machine's verdict?

What does it give ?

What a stubborn device!
What matters is that I came back.

- There's already someone else.
- Who ?

"Who is that?"... look, it's her!

Here it is. I present
to you my new wife.

Your new toy, you mean.

- We have to get divorced.
- Let's go, let's go.

- It will cost you dearly.
- I am used to it.

In this case...

So this one, I want it.

- I need it.
- Obviously. Problem...

What does he have more than me?

Nothing. But the machine is
formal: They are compatible.

- Is it reliable, your thing?
- 100%.

Well, that doesn't suit me.

This machine will not
prevent me from having it.

So you fire him.

Fire it!

What's the matter ?

I don't fit the profile,
so he fires me.

Me neither, then.

What are you doing ?

My boyfriend is fired, so I'm leaving.

Oh well no. It's not him.

Him there. Fire him.

It's him.

- Fire him! - Thank you sir.

I'm having a party at my house.
Miss, you are my guest.

Can I come with my boyfriend?

I was going to suggest it to you.

Thanks.

- He's nice, isn't he?
- A bit too much.

[Piano tune]

How are you ?

How are you?

- Were you invited?
- Yes.

Sir ?

- Should I let them in?
- Yes yes.

The ideal couple,
I'm going to blow it up.

I wish you, but the
machine is formal.

- Jacques is ready?
- Yes.

Oh yes okay.

You have number 17,
but don't tell anyone.

- Is it for the invisible camera?
- No no.

It's not a joke.
You have number 17, but...

See you soon.

Looked. That's great.

Ah yes, there.

Who it was ?

I don't say it.

[Words in Japanese]

- Yamada.
- Delighted.

There is no harm.

- Do you speak Japanese?
- Yes.

Since when ?

[He imitates Japanese cries]

The tour in Japan, does it still hold?

Yes. At Christmas.

And a song in Japanese?

You would be a
hit, but it's hard.

- With a good teacher?
- No problem.

I'll take it off for you two minutes.

- Number 17: You have won.
- What did I win?

- The right to participate.
- What do we win ?

Mr. Memphis is generous:
A cruise on his yacht, etc.

What's the game, then?

- It will amuse you, but not a word.
- Nope. It's sworn.

- You are graded by test.
- Oh, that's normal.

1st test: As soon
as you hear "blue",

you wiggle your hips,
elbow to your body,

and you break your wrist.

At the word "blue":
Swaying, broken wrist.

- For 3 mins.
- Ok.

You are ready ?

Go. Go for it.

Did you see the girl over there?
She has blue eyes...

- Blue auvergne.
- "Blue auvergne." Exactly.

To bring out her eyes,
she dresses in blue.

In methylene blue.

If one wants to !

In Saint-tropez, the sky is so beautiful.

It's blue!

- Isn't he a bit of a fag?
- Nope.

But yes, look.

Not the blue we see every day.

The blue blue, what.
The real blue.

Didn't you notice?

Blue blue.

Saint-tropez blue is unique.

He is blue !

It was ?

[Bebel] I did find
towards the end the...

18 dots.

- And it's good ?
- It's not the record.

I will try to get
high in the next test.

You see the girl

- the low ? - Yes yes.

So this is it. Everything is here.

Ok. The 17th !

Mrs ?

It's the 17th that...

He's the guy from the... he's the...

Say, you've come
across a funny guy.

Business in the backpack!

- Who is this old woman?
- It's a man.

"A man" ?

Both are an old story!

That's enough.

I haven't been good.
It's not my thing, this ordeal.

No. It was not bad.

I don't have the note,
but it was not bad.

What do I do now ?

- Good evening sir.
- Good evening.

Gerard! It's nice of you to come.

- It is a pleasure.
- My pleasure.

So ?

What's the matter ?

You are not aware ?
I have to. It's my gorilla.

There's a patient
who keeps calling me.

- Death threats... this is serious.
- I didn't know that.

- Slapped by my fiancée?
- Yes. And against the clock.

Oh good. It won't drag.
I will put the package.

Go. Come on.

A bra and stockings?
Did you suspect anything?

Break up, break up!

- I have to talk to you.
- Are you gay?

Yes. And that's not all.

- You're not slapping me?
- That would do you too much honor.

You know why ?

Women disgust me.

You disgust me.

Just knowing that I could with
you, I'm covered in pimples.

Won't you slap me?

It's difficult

to play comedy

love with an ugly, broke girl!

Ah well !

Well, there it is !

- How much ?
- 1 min 15. That's not bad.

I could have done better.

You are both tied: 81 points.

- But you're in the final.
- Owl.

The telephone test
will decide between you.

Champagne, please.

Do you speak Japanese?

Mr. Memphis wants a coach to
help him with his Japanese songs.

We are leaving for Saint-tropez tomorrow.
You are housed, fed, tanned.

- It's an affair.
- Yes.

How long ?

About ten days then a
month and a half of galas.

Say yes. It'll change your mind.

- It's obvious.
- Say yes.

Mr. Lenorman, we
want you on the phone.

You allow ?

Over there ?

- Hello ?
- Lenorman?

- Yes ?
- Gerard lenorman?

Here the big bad wolf.
I'll bite you, lenorman.

I'll make you eat all your
records, even the gold ones.

What ?

That you overdose,

you give a damn.

Make him talk.

No no ! Don't quit, lenorman.

Oh yes, yes.

You wonder who I am and why.

Well, lenorman,

this is my story.

And tremble, lenorman,
tremble, tremble...

[Evil laugh]

Come on, claudine, accept.

Ok.
As long as my girlfriend comes.

That's good !

Mr. Memphis is looking for a switchboard operator.

- We'll take you too.
- It's great.

Did you like my story?
How much do you give me, as a note?

Hold the line.

That is why ?

- Go on. Here the exit !
- What's going on here?

I'm 17! I'm 17!

For god sake !

So it was a game?

We know how to have fun at Memphis.

Oh yes, yes. Oh yes.

I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks.
We'll resume when I get back.

Waiting,

remain at the disposal of justice.

In Paris ?

Absolutely.

You can visit. The eiffel
tower, have you ever climbed?

No. It's a good idea.

Claudine!

Claudine!

Wait for me !
I need to talk to you !

- Thin ! Quick !
- Claudine!

Claudine! I need to talk to you !

Follow this car!

Sure.
We're going to Saint-tropez together.

- With claudine?
- Yes. With claudine.

Especially claudine. Come on, wind!

Police ! Follow this
car to Saint-tropez.

I was just saying that for fun.
Go on ! Happy holidays, my judge.

- You go ?
- A little yes.

A singer stole my fiancée from me.

With my friends,
we will recover it.

Me, I understood nothing. Nothing.

Don't worry, me neither.

I thought it was a
game, but they got me.

I didn't understand anything.

We are leaving today for Brittany.

It does not suit me. I'm going to look
for someone on the banks of the loire.

Very schön, the banks of the loire.

Much more schön than Brittany.
Very erotic.

Gunther very jealous.

You tell Gunther that you want
to visit the castles of the loire.

Him not refuse. He friendly.

Hide me in a mobile
home and presto.

[In German]

Hi !

No no !

[Shock]

[He hums]

[Cries]

Marilyn!

[In German] Bitch!
What are you doing here ? You'll see !

Marilyn!

Gaetan!

Gaetan!

Gaetan!

Baby!

You're here ?

I'm coming !

Row. Stronger.

There it's good.
We hold the right end.

- Danke schön!
- She's not coming with US?

Danke schön for everything!

Me die!

[Honk]

Well, say so!

- You're clumsy!
- My horse !

You'll get it there.

- Where ?
- We're going to Saint-trop.

- But why ?
- I will tell you.

[Upbeat music]

It's the best place.
We pin them like butterflies.

- Why, boss?
- Even if they take the turn at 30,

they bite the line.

What if they mess up?

The line, I placed it.

Either they bite her,
or they go in the ditch.

[Squealing tires]

Don't forget: We're going to work.

[Honk]

Baby!

[Upbeat music]

[Honk]

Togo! Togo!

Togo!

Come on, come on!

[Upbeat music]

[She speaks Japanese]

'Destined, we
were both destined'

- does it bother you too much?
- Nope. By force, it fits.

[She takes back]

[He repeats]

♪ At the table, darling ♪

♪ tonight ♪

♪ cream of tomato soup ♪

♪ omelet with herbs ♪

♪ passion fruit ♪

- Is she still there, that crazy girl?
- Eh yes.

Are you sending her back?

No problem !
Neighbors need to help each other.

I'll send it back to you.

It's coming !

Thanks.

[She speaks in Japanese]

- Oh, there you go.
- Great.

Excuse me, ladies
and gentlemen, please...

I'm looking for singer
Paul Memphis' house.

[English accent] It's not hard.
Left, left and left again.

Thanks.

- Her name is les pessègues.
- Thank you.

We are looking for
brigitte bardot's house.

Sorry. I don't know where it is.
Goodbye. Thanks.

[The English] Goodbye.

Oh, stop! Stopped !

I saw the sign. Turn back.

It's straight ahead. Looked.

But have you seen the portal?

- Is your truck strong?
- You'd break through the Berlin wall.

- Are you ready ?
- Yes.

Banzai!

Oh shit! It skates.

I come to help you.

Graffiti, what happened?

I do not know.

Hands up !

- I am clumsy.
- ♪ oh yes ♪

You haven't fallen far.
The Memphis house is next door.

Here, we like young people.
You will not regret.

Good. Well, I'll do
the accounts for you.

Gate, plus restoration
of the swimming pool,

plus five night
fare suppers. So.

How do you pay?
Cash, credit card?

That's 31,700.60 f.

I knew it was expensive
here, but not that expensive.

In case of non-payment,
I withdraw the vehicle.

It's my truck!

- Isn't it, dear diva?
- ♪ alas, alas, ♪

♪ dear friend ♪

But tell me, dear madame,
were you a singer?

She still is, only for me.

Lucky!

♪ Very dear, very dear friend ♪

If Memphis did that, this record
dealer would become a singer.

No, but you have to have
heard the high c of the diva.

Dear friend, very dear friend,

please, the note that
shakes the walls...

[She sings]

[He screams]

My leg !

My leg.

The big boss is coming.

The big boss will take care of you.

Hi girls !

Radio!

Serious case.

You have to see it very closely.

Fracture

of the ulna. It's very clean.

Tibia fracture.

You have to operate.

Right away ?

When it is necessary, it is necessary!

But that doesn't cut it!
Give me another.

But it's rusty!

- Ashtray!
- I do not have.

Listen.

Me, I can't take it anymore.
I think I'm quitting.

[All] Oh yes!

Anyway, it's the last one.
Give me the saw!

- So, doctor?
- That's it: I reduced the fracture.

She is shorter.

Oh yes.

I scaled it down a bit too much.

I will operate it again tomorrow.
It will be day.

♪ Orange ♪

♪ shake me, shake me ♪

Breakfasts, on
the bill or in cash?

Oh there ! On the note.

No. Not for me.

- What's wrong ? - Nothing.

But I have to talk to claudine.
I go.

Hey ! How are you going to come back?

Through the door.

Or above, perhaps.

"Unfortunately, we are unable to
accommodate your request to..."

Mister Memphis!

Mister Memphis!
Come right away.

Come, come, come.

Look who's there.

He's not stupid.

- Are we kicking him out?
- Nope. I'm taking care of it.

Smile!

You are televised.

Hello. We can be polite, right?

Hello.

Do you prefer mastiffs
or German Shepherds?

Chihuahuas, if you have.

I send you my
complete collection.

So.

It's high fidelity!

- Come back, and I'll send the real ones.
- I'm not coming back.

So I open. Good holidays !

However, I will have to
go home to talk to claudine.

Don't bile.
I'll take care of it.

What does your claudine look like?

She is beautiful.

Here.

Do you still think
about your little fagot?

I can not believe it.

We were so good, both of US.

- I'm here to tune the piano.
-Roland!

Yes. I'm coming.

My cane!

My dog !

So.

- There's work.
- Yes. It seems like.

Get to work, petronille.
I have phone calls to make.

I need it.

You have carte blanche.

[Piano out of tune]

Can't you look before you cross?

My dog !

[Meow]

It's a very good idea.
Between two songs, it will have an effect.

But...

Shit !

My piano.

Who is this guy?

Hey ! Bebel wants to talk to you.

Noon at la voile Rouge.

Ok.

But it's okay?

What, "it's not okay"?
Who are we kidding here?

A cripple, too!

Oh, the brutes!

I do not want ! I've had it up to here !

I can't tune it in these
conditions: It's too wet.

It's not over.

I will complain to my union.

Where is it, the bank?

And I'm alone.

Man has always been
sensitive to predictions.

See nostradamus.

Where are you coming from?

I hire a bohemian, who will
predict her future to claudine:

She already knows the man
of her life, you, and she will

fall in love with him during
an event that we will provoke.

- Let's provoke.
- Let's provoke.

Here it is. Go get dressed.

Won't you laugh?

No. Above all, you put the package.

And try to be
convincing, like gitane.

Won't you kiss me?

- After everything we've been through?
- Exactly. Why are you here?

There was sunshine: I came.

Always funny, the bébel.

So.

We said 500.

Do the work and then there will be 300.

It's the girl over there
with the colonial hat.

It's a Memphis conspiracy.

He's a nice guy.

You were there when
rouland came to pick me up.

- I won...
- Lines of the hand?

No thanks.

You should.
She can tell you real things.

Do you believe in that?

I'm sorry, but it's proven.

Good. I leave you.

Give me your left hand.

I see in your hand a man,

the man of your life.

Handsome man, very charming,

a lot of money.

I see water.

A man drowns.

And the one you're going
to love saves that man.

Remember what I said.

I have a feeling this is
going to happen very soon.

Alright, break up.
It's good, it's good.

I don't know what she just told you.
It's none of my business.

But I know that you
have to listen to these

women because
what they say happens.

- It's wrong.
- How ? It's proven.

Well, there it is. It's perfect.

Here it is: One, two, three.

Zard, give me back my 100
bucks for the bill. Thanks.

But what does he want?
Say, you!

Beautiful lady.
I will read your hand.

You love a boy, and
he loves you even more.

You think he's gay.

Problem...
Problem that needs to be solved.

He is quite the opposite.
He is very fond of women.

You in particular.

He is the man of one woman: You.

You have to believe what I tell you.

If I...

He is crazy, this guy!

- So what ?
- I do not know.

- She's on the yacht in Memphis.
- Let's go.

Report it before 8 P.M.

Tonight I'm having
dinner before the fireworks.

[Claudine speaks Japanese]

[He repeats while singing]

Do you like sea urchins?

[She speaks in Japanese]

- That's to say ?
- "Do you like sea urchins"?

Yes. And you?

Go on ! Official
opening of the sea urchin!

Cheer !

- [In English] What is it?
- Seafood.

Sea fruit. Delicious.

- How do we eat?
- We bite into it. Downright.

- It stings !
- Yes. It stings a bit.

All you have to do is open them.
So get to work!

A small glass ?

Hop! We have to go.

Hey ! I'm drowning !

I go !

Do not move ! We arrive !

Help !

I see water. A man drowns.

And the one you're going
to love saves that man.

- But get out! - Why ?

But break up!
We didn't ask you anything.

What's the matter ?

It's that motherfucker from Memphis.

Oh, the con!
Come on, let's go home.

What are you doing here ?

I need to talk to you.

- There is no question.
- Claudine!

Claudine!

- Claudine!
- Nope !

Claudine!

- Where is claudine?
- She left.

But it's okay? Brand new paint!

What ? Here !

Oh dear !

- Here, little jerk!
- Ouch! Ouch!

Here !

Go ahead, Memphis!

- Full ahead!
- Well received.

He is crazy!

So.

To port. On the rocks.

Asshole, go!

- [Memphis] Goodbye!
- My float!

My float pulled out.

Oh!

Let's go ! Let's go !

Provided nothing happened to them.

There's interest. A pedal boat
like that is worth a brick and a half.

[Backfiring engine]

[They shout]

Come up!

A little more, you spent the night there.

Gently ! It's an old shell.

I haven't finished paying it.
Bunch of scoundrels!

Oh no ! My boat!

A waterway! My boat!

Quick. She will be wet.

A rocket.

Oh, the beautiful red!

Hey...

Graffiti, what date is it today?

It's July 14.

You don't look stupid
with your little firecracker.

Oh, you can tell!

Look !

It's nice.

Do you know how much
it costs, a boat like that?

Considering his condition, he was worthless.

What ? At least 10,000 f!

Oh, we'll refund you.

- And my pedal boat? Where is he ?
- Oh, there's more.

Do you know how much
a pedalo like that is worth?

10,000 f!

- We'll pay you back.
- There's interest !

How are we going
to pay it all back?

Ben, the diva, she keeps the truck.

No. Not my truck.

- You just have to work.
- That's the best!

We already work all
year, so the holidays...

Ask, ask! Cotton candy !

Ask, ask!

Yes miss. So.

Hot or cold, whatever you want.

- What do you want ?
- An iced tea.

An iced tea. So.
We open our mouths wide.

And there you go. 5 f.

- Fill it up please.
- I'm coming !

Now we need to
make physical contact.

It's like a baby
with his porridge:

Too hot, he won't eat it, at the
right temperature, he jumps on it.

- And it's me, the porridge?
- It's you.

Who's going to eat
the good porridge?

So ?

It's progressing... this translation,

my little ?

"Orlon 50%."

"Washing temperature"...
You have to reset it.

No no.

[He screams]

[He sneers]

So, my little one. Come on.

Good. I am leaving.

A rape, you know
how much it costs?

You don't have to formalize.
You have to be cool.

I don't mind being
raped, but I choose

the rapist, the
time and the place.

- It's more rape.
- Call it what you want.

We haven't finished our
rehearsals in Japanese.

I do not care !
Saint-tropez, I have so far.

Can I accompany you to
the station, to be forgiven?

- Full, sir?
- Yes yes.

- I want a coffee.
- I'll give it to you.

- You'll have to take that away from me, huh?
- Yeah yeah.

I'm sorry, about earlier.

If you come home, it
won't happen again.

I am angry. I do not know why.

We're going home...Huh?

- I said to remove the stain.
- Yes. It's coming.

And there you go.

Please, where can
we see brigitte bardot?

- It starts again.
- Brigitte bardot ?

- It's 150 bucks, 10 dollars.
- No problem.

Oh, break up.

Hold on.

- Have you become an idiot?
- What ?

- There's money to be had.
- Do you have bardot on hand?

Maybe we can find
something similar.

There are plenty of chicks here.

The brunette in chamois,
doesn't it look like bardot?

There are many !

Embark! Approach!
Thanks. 50f.

Thanks a lot. Embark.
Approach, embark.

- Is it still far, bardot?
- Nope. We will get there.

In the meantime, this is
Paul Newman's house.

You see ?

And a little higher on the right,

it is the house of Robert redford.

[Admiring cries]

- Here we are.
- Where is she, bardot?

She won't be long. Are you ready ?

- Yes.
- Send.

- Go ahead. - What do I do ?

You run, you dive
and you come back.

Oh my god!

[In English] What grace!

[In English] Can we come closer?

[Admiring comments in English]

[In English] She's beautiful!
But why is she brown?

It's all up to my clients.

Good.

I will give them back. Come back tomorrow.

- That's all ?
- But I can come back tomorrow.

Account. Account.

So, kids, was the day good?

We will come back tomorrow.

- If you forget, too bad.
- We have a memory for numbers.

We are two computers.

He does tons of it.

You have won a photo.

Go on. Thanks.

Don't you find that demeaning?

No. The public that
loves me loves to see me,

and for them to love
me, they have to see me.

And hold on. That's the job!

Indeed.

But isn't this
one a bit shorter?

Listen.
You can measure these machines.

Yes. In effect.

I will operate again.

I'll shorten this one a bit.
It's not Peru!

How is she ?

Flawless.

Send, then.

Ok. Just go !

[In English] Here it is!

[Admiring comments in English]

[She speaks Japanese]

Alright for today.

- Can I go swimming?
- Go ahead, my dear.

As soon as she is
off, you scare her.

We're going to go swimming.
You organize a cat party.

Contact in a liquid
medium: It can only crack.

Everyone in the water !

Mandatory chat
party, and I'm the cat!

Nope !

No no no !

What's this ?

A shark !
Get out of the water! A shark !

A shark ! Get out quickly! Quick !

All ! All !

[They shout]

Help !

Everybody is here ?

Claudine!

Good !

[She screams]

Help !

Claudine! I'm coming !

Who is it ?

Hold on. I'm coming !

Ah! Help !

Hold on !

Hold on ! I'm coming !

What I concern myself ?

Lying !

Nasty animal !

Lying !

Nasty animal !

I could have done that.

I don't want to see you here anymore!

Lay down, bitch!

We're going to the boat!

The shark ! The shark !

It's finish. It's finish.
He's gone now.

Baby! Baby, I was so scared.

Baby!

But there I was. I was there.

With me, you have nothing to fear.

Baby, I feel so
safe in your arms.

It's normal.

The shark !

The shark ! The shark behind!

I know what you are going to say.

- Little jerk!
- I knew it.

Never try to see me again.

[Bicycle horn]

Chief, a shark.

There's a shark behind!
Get away, there's a shark!

What are we doing ?

We haven't seen anything.
I am close to retirement.

[In English] Where is brigitte?

Cool, cool.

[Protests in English]

So ?

I have no hinny.

Find me one!

You're funny ! Who ?

Get over it. Quick !

- Baby!
- Yes ?

I have one, but back off a bit.

No. They are furious.

Good, okay. Come on, go, my pussy.

And there she is, in flesh and bone.

[She sings]

- [In English] There she is!
- Wait!

It's not brigitte bardot!

It's his understudy.

Captain, we're moving away.
We're moving away, captain.

Here comes Steve McQueen!

- Did you do that?
- We had a ball with bardot.

Tomorrow is the windsurfing
race, with great prizes.

I don't know how to windsurf.

- You have 24 hours to learn.
- No more.

They are beautiful.

[Cheers]

Frozen drinks!

Hot fries!

Here Mr. Here, here.

An iced coffee.

Oh fuck ! My judge.

Very icy, without sugar.

It comes, it comes.

So ?

It's coming ?

Here, here.

Here Mr. So.

[Buzzing]

What is that crazy girl over there?

He's not your
ex-fiancé, sometimes?

Yes. Oh!

Oh !

- Come!
- Here, here!

Come to see !

Well !

You are going to
serve US some sweets.

I need to talk to you.

I'll take a shower and come
back. Wait for me there.

It's not okay, right?

Hang on, kid.
We are going for a walk.

He is sick, this guy.
He's sick !

- Chief, a shower stall.
- Oh, that's how it goes!

My feet are burning!

We will refresh them.

[Honk]

Bastard!

You'll see !

Here is cousteau.

Good game !

Make her jealous.

Seduce petronille.

- A switchboard operator?
- She's her best friend.

The worst affront for a woman.

- Are you sure ?
- Elementary female psychology,

my dear Memphis.

Ladies and gentlemen,
you can ask your questions.

And this famous tour?

The tour will be
under the sign of love.

Exclusively, the theme will be:
The search for the woman of my life.

On the scene,

spectators will try the
love-computer with me.

What if the machine discovers
the woman of your life?

I marry her.
Not the machine, the woman!

Won't there be thousands
coming to try their luck?

I hope.

And as a preview, for our
Japanese friends here present,

I will perform the first words
of my song in Japanese,

and I must say also, in tribute
to a lovely young woman.

[He sings destiny in Japanese]

[Applause]

Cheer !

[Engines]

That's a good question.

- Well then...
- Drop!

[Cries]

- The ! Bonnard! - But what...

Behind the bar.

- There's one that's hidden.
- Release!

- The big pile under the table.
- I take it !

The big !

Dive on destiny.

Banzai!

Great ! Great, Mr. Memphis.
Cheer !

- We sign whenever you want.
- Cheer.

In Tokyo, with your final,
you stuff for 10 years.

I don't want to brag, but it seems
to me that this one is shorter.

I don't want this maniac
to operate on me anymore.

Me too, I'm fed up! If you
want to limp, that's your problem.

Don't take this the wrong way, doctor.

It's always those

who don't care who criticize.

When I operate, do you know what he does?
Well, he's sleeping.

And after,

monsieur takes the
Liberty of criticizing my work!

I'm sorry, doctor.

I want to operate on you again
tomorrow, but it's the last time.

I'll shorten this one a bit.

Stopped ! I saw it first.

He and I are on the right track.

I realize the dream of my life.

Kid, I dreamed of
working with him.

Then I dreamed that
he took me in his arms.

The other day, he even kissed me.

Watch out for waking up...

- You are jealous.
- No way.

Do not insist.
I tell you he disagrees.

But no ! He does not want.

Mr. Memphis has other things to do.

- How are you ? No problem ?
- It bathes.

Are you happy with your machine?

She's fine, huh?

- That works ?
- I want !

If we tried? You say we...

Hold the line.

If we tried?

We will try

with another. Petronilla!

What ?

Petronilla, come and see.

Sorry.

Let's try.

[Music from "destiny"]

So ?

What gives?

It's a disaster. Disaster.

A try.

He cut me 50 cm!

You exaggerate.
And then you were too big.

- Oh yes.
- You find ?

- Really.
- You're fine, like that.

The feet had to
touch the ground.

You are not wobbly?

A tad over here.

I can operate again tomorrow morning.

It's a shame, he danced well.

What is it ?

- Pétronille swallowed sleeping pills.
- Nope !

- So what ?
- Well, you see:

She swallowed a whole
tube of barbiturates,

but she forgot to
remove the cork.

But it works.

- It's you who...?
- Yes.

- It's stupid, love.
- It is discussed.

I go home.
I'll be back in 5 min.

How about taking advantage of
the Memphis car? Yes. Come on!

Hey, Mr. Memphis!

Can you take US?
We will stay calm.

Why do you say
it's stupid, love?

You always love those who
don't love you, and it ends badly.

Are you talking about your girlfriend here?

Yes.

Oh good.

It's the same for me.

I'm madly in love with a girl who
doesn't want me. I'm about to break down.

I was talking seriously.

Me too.
It's serious, love, imagine.

It is deserved.

It is tasted.

Are you having dinner with me?

I succeeded!

I succeeded. I saved her.

Saved, yes.

My claw is ruined.

Tremendous. You come with me ?

[Country song]

If I was gay, as you
say, do you think I

could look at you while
stroking your hand?

Yes. It's not hard.

At the same time ?

Have you already tried?
It's really hard. Try.

It takes enormous concentration.

[They sing]

So, my dear?
We were looking for you everywhere.

We were worried.

But yes. Robert waited for you

all evening.

What's the matter with
you, always bugging me?

Baby, calm down.

You misunderstand our intentions.

He's going to run out of saliva.

Are you going to listen to
me, my little cunt? Eh ? Good.

Your problems
with claudine, at the

premiere of my
show, I will solve them.

[Audience, enthusiastic] Memphis!
Memphis!

[The cheers continue]

You can send.

This is a love-computer.

With this machine,

you will know if
you are compatible.

You there,

are you sure about him?

You... yes, you... sir,
are you really sure of her?

You will know everything about your destiny.

♪ Destiny ♪

♪ we were both destined ♪

♪ to see our paths meet ♪

♪ to love each other without asking why ♪

♪ you and me ♪

♪ destiny ♪

♪ no need to run or fight ♪

♪ it's written in our destiny ♪

♪ you can't escape it ♪

♪ it's engraved ♪

♪ in life ♪

♪ not every day is the
same, you're bored ♪

♪ you are impatiently waiting for the sun ♪

♪ madly, passionately ♪

♪ destiny ♪

♪ where are you, you who were meant for me? ♪

♪ If you ever recognize yourself ♪

♪ I would like to hear you scream ♪

♪ call me ♪

Is there anyone who loves me?

I did not hear.

Me !

You ? You ?

Yes. Me !

- It's you ?
- Me !

You.

Yes. You.

Are we made for each other?

Nope !

[The machine creaks sadly]

No.

[Happy squeak]

It's impossible.

[Applause]

The first couple of the summer!

♪ Destiny ♪

♪ heart torn again ♪

♪ I'm a clown without makeup ♪

♪ the big curtain has just come down ♪

♪ on the summer ♪

♪ destiny ♪

I'll pick you up in an hour and
we're off to the Greek islands.

Ok. Just you, me,
the sea and the sun.

- See you soon. Quickly.
- Ok.

Well then, say it !

A week on the boat from Memphis.
You have one of those veins!

I say.

- Will send you postcards.
- That's all I have to do!

He is stupid.
My god he is stupid!

Are you already there?

I am ready. Let's go ?

Here we go, yes.

No no.
I hate goodbyes on the docks.

- We are here.
- Already ready?

So this is it.

Our winners.
The picture. Smile!

What are you doing here?

I'm coming for bebel.
He is ready ?

He's already gone with you.

- Is this a joke?
- But no.

Go on ! Good tour!

The Greek islands are in
the background on the left!

And congratulations again!

Mister Memphis! Autograph !

Hello, Helen!
Was it good, the Seychelles?

Are you the sister of...?

Claudine has just left
with the man of her life.

But, petronille, I am claudine!

- Oh no. It's not going to start again!
- Yes. It just started again.

Why are you laughing ?

I'm thinking of your ex-fiancé
who left with your sister.

He really had to
be stupid, you see.

Yeah.

Subtitling: Eclair v&a