Original subtitles

At ease, men.

Ugh.

I've got some good news and some bad news!

The bad news is I have to let one of you go...

...Tyler.

You're fired.

What?! Huh?!

You fire Tyler, you fire me too!

It's fine, Charlie.

I-I love you, brother.

Let's grab some drinks after work man,

I love you, I'll text you.

And the GOOD news

I'm going to Spamtopia

to buy a RARE Magical Jewel

that I found on the internet!

That rocks, dude.

What NOT rocks is the guy selling it speaks Spamish

and I don't speak a lick of that whacky language!

Did you say Spanish?

No, no.

Spa-M-ish. With an M.

- Different language. - Oh, okay.

Yeah, I know. I thought he said Spanish too.

Oh, I speak a little Spamish!

Oh great!

You can be my little translator, Pim!

Lets gooo!

What?

Huh--huh?

Alright guys,

I'm gonna need you to look after my

18 year old son Jason for me

until I get back.

Ugh...ugh.

He's super low maintenance

but if he needs something,

he'll let ya knooooow!

Is it supposed to be doing that?

Yeah, it's like his whole schtick.

Hmm.

Alright.

Like the Boss said, man.

I'm sure if he needs something he'll let us know.

You know it's weird,

we don't really hang out one on one much do we.

Yeah, yeah it's definitely been a while.

Um,

I don't know if you remember this or not but,

the last time we hung out like

you and I, you actually sucked on my nose.

So.

What?

I don't remember doing that.

- Yeah, you, yeah-- - Sucking your nose?

Yup, yeah you absolutely did.

It was the day with all the Desmond and the Bliblie stuff.

Like, it was pretty recently,

it wasn't that long ago but

yeah, you suc-- you went for my nose.

You got excited and you sucked on it.

And um, you got it.

- And I wasn't-- - I-

I just want you to know that I wasn't cool with that at all.

I-- Sure, I-I honestly don't remember doing that but--

It was recent.

Well, yeah, if I did, I'm sorry,

I just don't remember doing that but

it sounded like it really bothered you.

It did-It did bother me but hey, dude, look.

That's why I'm bringing it up now,

like just so we can hash it out

like its so we can, we can hang out more.

- You know what I mean? - Sure, yeah, I mean.

I just, I just don't remember.

Yeah, well it happened.

What happened?

I don't, I don't know...

So Pim,

how'd you learn an obscure language like Spamish anyway?

Oh I had a penpal from Spamtopia

named Oscar when I was a kid!

I've never actually conversed with someone

from Spamtopia in person though.

Yeah, the only thing I know about these guys

is that they're super strict about some silly rules.

Seems like a pretty primitive culture to me.

Aw! That was nice!

Why can't we look anyone in the eyes though?

I don't know.

But I don't wanna to be here long.

There's gotta be like an Epi-pen or something in here!

What is this?

“My Manifesto, by ‘The Boss' ”.

Charlie, there's nothing we can do.

No! Allan it's alright.

I-I learned a little bit of CPR from the Mr. Frog CPR special.

Charlie, it's not working, stop.

He's almost there.

Yeah, alright.

Uh, yeah. He's dead.

Yeah. I already told you that.

Oh, this place looks fun!

Stay focused, Pim.

We're just here to meet a guy named Mr. Jester

and buy the magical red jewel.

Let's make this quick.

How do we know which one's Mr. Jester?

He's probably the guy over there with the giant jester hat.

Alright Pim, just remember the creepy song.

Don't look him in the eyes.

I do the talking,

you do the translating.

A'ight?

Okay.

Shouldn't be too hard.

Hello, Mr. Jester.

Pleased to finally meet you in person.

D'yo--what's your, um,

what kind of lagers do you have?

Is she-is she gonna come back?

I wanted a water.

Uh, Mr. Jester is saying

he has the magical red jewel

and he's asking if we have the money.

Yerp.

Pim, what did he say?

Uh,

I don't know, sorry.

Pim, tell him to bring out the jewel.

Uh...

DID YOU JUST LOOK INTO MY EYE?!

Yes.

That was bad.

Alright that looks... pretty good.

I-I can't tell the difference.

That looks nothing like the other thing,

the Boss will never believe this.

C'mon, don't be so negative.

Alright Glep, this is very important.

The Boss used to breastfeed his son every day,

so all you gotta do is that for the rest of your life-

Great idea, Charlie.

At least I'm trying to think of stuff man!

Well, maybe if you weren't talking

my damn ear off, we would have noticed

something was wrong with him in the first place.

Whoa, whoa! This is not my fault, dude!

You were that was on the phone the whole time

and you were not paying attention at any point.

Fuck you! I was checking work emails,

you yellow son of a bitch.

You killed the baby, Allan.

He's not a baby!

He's 18, and YOU killed him!

No, YOU killed him!

You killed him!

- You killed the baby! - You killed the baby!

No, you killed the baby!

You killed the baby, Allan!

For the crime of looking in my eye,

I sentence you to...

DEATH!

AAAGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Mr Boss. If we're gonna die,

I just wanna say I'm so sorry

for looking at the eye,

I couldn't help it!

Pim,

Calm down.

I have a solution.

Go on, take it, Pim.

What is it?

Cyanide.

It's our only way out.

Take the GOD DAMN pill, Pim!

For the crime of looking in my eye, I--

Wait! Before you kill us, can we at least speak

to the leader of this wonderful country?!

Okay.

Oh.

Okay. I tried.

Eek!

Wait...

what did you just say?

A Spamish prayer!

But that's impossible.

That's MY prayer I invented...

and I've only ever taught that to...

Wait...

Pim?!

Wait.

You're my old pen pal?

Pim!

Oh, I never thought I'd see you in the flesh!

Oh! Me neither!

I can't believe it's you, Oscar!

Your letters got me through the hardest years of my life!

When I hated my eye the MOST!

Oh Oscar, there's nothing wrong with your eye!

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Coming from someone with strange eyes too,

you should learn to LOVE yourself!

You're right.

You do have a funny eye.

Hah, hah, hah.

Hah, hah, hah.

For making me feel better about my eye,

you and your friend

can have my magical red jewel as a gift!

Wow...

Thank you.

It's even more beautiful in person.

That's the jewel we risked our lives for?

Yep. It was totally worth it.

I learnt today that all cultures are equal

and there's no such thing as a bad culture.

Thank you for showing me

the silliness of my ways, Pim.

I FORMALLY DECLARE an end to the eye rule.

And ALL RULES FOR THAT MATTER!

NO MORE RULES!!!

We should probably go, Mr Boss.

Yeah okay no, let's get out of here.

Goodbye! Goodbye!

No more rules in Spamtopia!

La, la, laaa!

Go! Go, go, go.

Drive. Go faster.

- DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE! - I am!

I'm going as fast as I can!

Woo!

What a crazyyy day, huh Pim?

Yeah, that was a fun Boss and Pim adventure, huh!

Haha, oooo!

Ooo, aaaa, haha!

Oh hey guys,

where's my beautiful boy, Jason?

Uh, Mr. Boss.

Uh,

I-I don't know how to tell you this, but...

after you left,

your son-um...

I can't do it. I-I can't do it.

I'm gonna puke. I can't do it.

He died, Mr. Boss.

What?!

Oh my God, no!

No, no, no...

Oh, wait.

Haha, I told you this magical red jewel was worth it!

Wow yeah, I guess it was!

Oh my god, thank god.

- That was scary. - Yeah we didn't kill the baby.

- We didn't kill the baby. - We didn't kill the baby.

Haha wowww.

Bea-ti-ful wowww!

That's amazing haha!

Wee, hellooo Jason!

By the way, Mr. Boss, before I forget, um,

I-I found these documents in your desk

called ‘My Manifesto' and I'm just,

I read a little bit and I'm just wondering

what, why would you-- What is that?

Why would you write something that?

Sorry I can't hear you over the dust.

The dust is making it hard for me to hear you.

Your manifesto!

I wanted to talk to you about your manifest--

No really, I'm not kidding.

Jason's really releasing too much dust.

My eyes are starting to burn!

I can't see, I can't see-- Don't, don't breath it in!

Don't fucking breath it in!

Don't fucking breath it in!

Look, man. I really think

I could get the Boss to rehire you.

Yeah, fuck that noise man.

I-I'm just gonna keep making my music.

Respect man, respect.