All language subtitles for How to Deal (2003) 1080p

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Halley: SOMETIMES,
LIFE IS SO PERFECT.

ISN'T IT?

IT HAS TO BE,

TO MAKE UP FOR THE HARD STUFF
IT THROWS YOUR WAY.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO WALK,

YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO TALK.

YOU HAVE TO WEAR

THAT TOTALLY RIDICULOUS HAT
YOUR GRANDMA BOUGHT YOU.

YOU HAVE
NO SAY IN THE MATTER.

AND WHEN YOU'RE
A LITTLE OLDER,

EVEN THOUGH YOU GET
TO CHOOSE YOUR HATS,

YOU DON'T GET TO CHOOSE
WHAT THEY PUT

IN THOSE MEATBALLS
AT THE CAFETERIA...

OR WHEN TO FALL IN LOVE.

THINGS HAPPEN,
AND YOU JUST HAVE TO DEAL.

Recording: AND BREATHE.

LET'S JUST THINK OF THE DAY

MY PARENT'S DIVORCE
CAME THROUGH

AS "BIG, UGLY HAT DAY."

REFER TO DIAGRAM B
ON PAGE 19--

"THE TREE OF LIFE."

AND BREATHE.

Woman: ...ANYBODY BUT HIS OWN
SELFISH PLEASURE.

Girl: MOM, PLEASE.

Recording: FOCUS.

Woman: I COULDN'T CARE LESS

ABOUT YOUR FATHER'S
MID-LIFE CRISIS

AND COMPLETE MOCKERY
OF HIS WEDDING VOWS.

I JUST HOPE HE DOESN'T
EXPECT ME--

OH, HALLEY, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

GUYS...

WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?

AS LONG AS YOU'RE GONNA
KILL ME WITH FLYING ICE,

DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE.

HALLEY!
MOM!

I HAVE SOME REALLY
IMPORTANT NEWS TO ANNOUNCE HERE.

LEWIS AND I--
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

HE ASKED ME
LAST SATURDAY NIGHT.

I WANTED TO TELL YOU,
BUT I WASN'T SURE WHEN,

OR HOW YOU'D REACT.

I TOLD HIM I COULDN'T
EVEN WEAR THIS RING

UNTIL AFTER I TALKED
TO YOU.

BUT WE WANNA HAVE
THIS BIG SPRING WEDDING,

MOM, I'M SO HAPPY.

NICE TIMING, HUH?

TELL YOUR MOM
YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED

ON THE DAY
SHE GETS DIVORCED.

WHY DOES LOVE
MAKE PEOPLE CRAZY?

Girl: OH! OH, MY--

OH!

OH, SCARLETT, YOU WEREN'T
PICKING UP YOUR PHONE.

I'M SO SORRY!

( laughs )

UM...OH, UH, HALLEY,
THAT'S MICHAEL.

MICHAEL, UH...

HI.

MM-HM.

Michael: THANK YOU.

( motorcycle revs )

BYE! I LOVE YOU!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WOW.

YOU, UM, DIDN'T TELL ME
YOU WERE DOING IT.

OH...

WHEN YOU MEET
THE RIGHT PERSON

AND YOU FALL IN LOVE...

IT'S LIKE...IT'S LIKE
EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT,

YOU THOUGHT IS...OH!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

NO. I CAN'T.

SCARLETT, COME ON.

YOU ARE SOUNDING
DANGEROUSLY CLOSE

TO A HALLMARK
GREETING CARD.

YOU'RE GONNA LET YOURSELF
TURN INTO MUSH

OVER SOMETHING LIKE SEX?

UM...YEAH.

YOU CAN'T EXPECT TO DO
ANYTHING GREAT IN LIFE

IF YOU BUCKLE THE FIRST TIME
SOME GUY BATS HIS EYES AT YOU.

NEWS FLASH, HAL--

EVEN MADONNA
EVENTUALLY GOT MARRIED.

MY MOM THINKS THAT MEANS
THERE'S HOPE FOR HER, TOO.

YOUR MOM WANTS
TO GET MARRIED?

WELL, SHE WANTS TO FALL
IN LOVE, HALLEY.

EVERYONE DOES.

HI. I'VE BEEN IN--

HI. I'VE BEEN DIVORCED
FOR A LONG TIME,

SO MY BAGGAGE
IS ANCIENT HISTORY.

I LIKE TO THINK THAT I
TRAVEL LIGHT THESE DAYS.

EXCEPT FOR
MY DAUGHTER SCARLETT,

WHO IS JUST A JOY
OF A CARRYON.

SEE, I THINK I'M TAKING
THE BAGGAGE THING TOO FAR.

MAYBE I SHOULD START OVER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK
OF THIS WHOLE IDEA.

I'M ONLY GONNA SEND IT
TO THE ONLINE GUYS

WHO PASS MY RIGID
FIVE-POINT CHECKLIST.

HERE, YOU TRY.

GO AWAY.

LYDIA, THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS
IS SITTING OUT THERE RIGHT NOW

WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU.
SPEAK TO HIM.

I DON'T THINK
THE PERFECT MAN

IS GONNA WANT TO HEAR
WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.

SURE HE DOES, SWEETIE.
SPEAK TO HIM.

GO ON.

I'M SORRY, MR. PERFECT,

BUT IF YOU'RE WAITING FOR ME,

IT'S GONNA BE
A HELL OF A LONG WAIT.

SEE, I'VE HAD IT
WITH MEN LIKE YOU.

MM-HM. I THINK IT'S TERRIFIC
THAT YOU HAVE A GREAT JOB,

AND YOU'RE SENSITIVE
TO THE NEEDS OF OTHERS,

AND YOU JOG THREE TIMES A WEEK
TO KEEP THE BELLY AT BAY,

BUT THE SECOND
SOME SILICON-BREASTED,

BUTT-KISSING, AIRHEAD CLIMBER
HALF YOUR AGE COMES ALONG,

YOU CAN'T KEEP
YOUR PANTS ZIPPED.

WELL, FUCK YOU!

THAT'S RIGHT, MR. MIDDLE-AGE,

THINK-YOU'RE-A-BIG-SHOT,
PHONY ASSHOLE.

YOU AIN'T GETTIN' ANY FROM ME.

OKAY.

I THINK WE'LL JUST
GIVE THIS A LITTLE TIME.

( imitates leaky faucet )

( mutters )
So juvenile.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE
BACK EARLY FROM CAMP.

EVEN THOUGH IT WAS
A DISHONORABLE DISCHARGE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHERE WERE YOU TRYING TO GET TO
IN THAT OLD CANOE?

NO COMMENT.

NO COMMENT?

I DON'T SPEAK TO THE PRESS.

I'M THE PRESS?

YEAH, AND ANYTHING I SAY CAN
AND WILL BE USED AGAINST ME.

I WOULD NEVER USE
ANYTHING AGAINST YOU.

OH, DAD, GIVE IT UP!
IT'S OLD.

AND YOU NEED TO GET
YOUR OWN MATERIAL.

Man: DADDY DOG.

YO.

LEN MARTIN.
IT'S YOU, RIGHT?

WDYG'S COOLEST DEEJAY.

THAT'S ME.

"WE DIG THE DOG!"

( makes barking sound )

LOVE YOUR SHOW, MAN.

THANKS, MAN.

YOU ARE THE HIPPEST
OLD GUY I KNOW.

YO, DUDE!

I'M NOT THAT OLD!

( howling noise )

( howling noise )

THAT'S LEN MARTIN.

( barks )
HEY!

Woman: HELLO, GORGEOUS ONES.

AND YOU INVITED HER.

HEY, BABY.

HEY.

I THOUGHT WE'D SPEND
SOME TIME TOGETHER,

THEN WE COULD HAVE
A CHANCE TO BOND.

WELL...LOOK AT YOU, HALLEY.

THAT'S HARD TO DO
WITHOUT A MIRROR, ISN'T IT?

HONEY, YOU KEEP
GETTING PRETTIER EVERY DAY.

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU
COULD SAY THAT

'CAUSE YOU DEFINITELY
DON'T SEE ME EVERY DAY.

AND YESTERDAY,
OH, MY GOD, I WAS SO UGLY.

AND LAST WEDNESDAY,
THAT SUCKED, TOO.

SO IT'S KIND OF
A DAY TO DAY THING.

I LOVE THAT SENSE OF HUMOR.

JUST LIKE HER DADDY.

LOOK AT THAT GORGEOUS GIRL.

DAD, STOP IT.

SHE'S GOT
HER DADDY'S HAIR.

DON'T CUT IT.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

DON'T CUT IT.
JUST LET IT GROW.

DON'T CUT IT.

CUT IT.

OKAY.

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS
THAT THIS CARD CAN BE USED

TO INDUCE...

NAUSEA,
GASTRIC DISTRESS, VOMITING.

YEAH, GO AHEAD AND MOCK ME,
BUT THIS IS SERIOUS.

I NEED TO FIND SOMETHING FUNNY
AND SOMETHING SWEET,

JUST THE WAY SCARLETT IS.

REMEMBER LAST TIME
I GOT HER--

OKAY. OKAY.
WELL, LOOK, HERE'S ONE.

NOT HELPING.

"FROM SMALL BEGINNINGS
COME GREAT THINGS."

"CONGRATULATIONS
ON YOUR NEW BABY."

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GONNA HELP ME.

LIGHTEN UP, SHERWOOD.

"THE FIRST TIME WE MET,
YOU STOLE MY HEART."

"GOOD LUCK IN FINDING
A COMPATIBLE ORGAN DONOR."

NICE!

I'M KIDDING, OKAY?
IT'S BLANK INSIDE.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU'RE NOT FUNNY, FORRESTER.

THIS GIRL IS AMAZING--
UNLIKE YOU.

AND SHE'S SENSITIVE--
UNLIKE YOU.

AND SHE'S SEXY.

UNLIKE YOU.
UNLIKE ME.

Forrester: THERE'S GOTTA
BE A CARD HERE

FOR A REDHEAD
FROM A NEWLY SMITTEN

HUNKA-HUNKA
BURNIN' LOVE.

I MEAN...LOOK.

SUMMER ROMANCE
HAS ITS OWN SECTION.

IT'S NOT A SUMMER ROMANCE.
I MEAN...

SCARLETT IS...

STANDING
RIGHT BEHIND YOU...DUDE.

HI.

Michael: SNEAKING UP ON ME?

( clears throat )

HI, HALLEY.

HI.

( giggling )

YOU REMEMBER MY NAME?

SURE. WE WERE
IN BIOLOGY TOGETHER.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT...

YOU WERE NEVER THERE.
REALLY. TECHNICALLY.

I LIKE YOUR HAIR.

THANK YOU.

* I DON'T NEED
TO READ BILLY SHAKESPEARE *

* MEET JULIET
OR MY VOLIO *

* FEEL FOR ONCE
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO REBEL NOW *

* I WANNA BREAK OUT,
LET'S GO *

* GET OUT, GET OUT,
GET OUT, GET OUT *

SEE, MY SCHEDULE IS ALL WRONG,
WHICH, I THINK, IS A SIGN

THAT NOTHING'S GOING
ACCORDING TO PLAN THIS YEAR.

UM, IT'S A COMPLETE
AND TOTAL MESS.

LOOKS LIKE A FINE SCHEDULE
TO ME, HALLEY.

NO. UM, BAND?

I WOULD NEVER
SIGN UP FOR BAND.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH BAND?

I DON'T PLAY ANYTHING?

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD.
I'M SURE YOU COULD HANDLE IT.

OKAY, MRS. TOUSSAINT,
THIS IS NOT MY SCHEDULE.

LOOK, I'M SIGNED UP
FOR ALGEBRA,

AND I'VE ALREADY
TAKEN CALCULUS.

WELL, MAYBE A BRUSH-UP
IS A GOOD THING,

NOT TO MENTION
A GOOD GRADE.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT A SHOT
BEFORE YOU DECIDE ANYTHING.

OKAY, I'M SIGNED UP
FOR BOYS' P.E.

Radio: 94 FM...

FILL OUT THIS FORM
AND WE'LL START AGAIN.

LEN MARTIN
WITH A TRAFFIC UPDATE

FROM THAT LOVE PUPPY
IN THE SKIES,

OUR VERY OWN LORNA QUEEN.

LORNA, YOU UP THERE?

Lorna: HI, LEN.

ON A CLEAR DAY,
YOU CAN SEE FOREVER.

AND THIS IS
ONE BEAUTIFUL MORNING.

SHOULD WE TELL EVERYONE
OUR LITTLE SECRET?

Len: CAREFUL, BABY,
YOU SURE THIS IS THE TIME?

Lorna: I AM BURSTING
AT THE SEAMS

TO TELL EVERYONE
WE'RE ELOPING.

( Len howls )

Lorna: OOPS,
I JUST SPILLED THE BEANS.

( turns radio off )

HALLEY, THAT IS
YOUR FATHER'S SHOW, RIGHT?

I JUST LOVE IT.

HI.

TELL HIM CONGRATULATIONS.

I'M SURE VERY YOU'RE EXCITED
ABOUT THE UPCOMING NUPTIALS.

MY FATHER AND MY SISTER.

MY SISTER AND MY FATHER?

YOUR FATHER AND YOUR SISTER
ARE GETTING MARRIED?

YEAH.

NO, NOT TO EACH OTHER.

I...

I HAVE TO CHECK SOMETHING
BEFORE I FILL THIS OUT.

SIT DOWN, FORRESTER.

LET'S SEE IF WE CAN SORT OUT
YOUR USUAL CHAOS.

MAYBE YOU'LL EVEN DO US

THE HONOR OF ATTENDING
THIS YEAR.

OKAY, LATER, M.T.

I GOTTA RETHINK
THAT SHOP CLASS.

I'M PRETTY SCARY WITH TOOLS.

OH, MY.

YOU DIDN'T KNOW, DID YOU,
ABOUT YOUR DAD GETTING MARRIED?

YES, I DID.

THE BASTARD.

HE TELLS THE WHOLE WORLD
BEFORE HE TELLS YOU.

HE'S NOT...

WHATEVER.

AT LEAST IF THEY'RE ELOPING,

YOU WON'T HAVE TO GO
TO THE WEDDING.

I MEAN, COME ON,
WEDDINGS ARE THE WORST.

ME? I'VE HAD TO GO TO, LIKE,
FIVE BETWEEN MY PARENTS.

DON'T ASK.

LISTEN, M.T. WASN'T GIVING YOU
A HARD TIME BACK THERE, WAS SHE?

"M.T."?

MRS. TOUSSAINT AND I...
WE'RE ON CLOSE TERMS.

YOU GET TO KNOW YOUR
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR REALLY WELL

WHEN YOU'RE CLEARLY
IN DESPERATE NEED OF GUIDANCE.

SEE, I'VE GOT IT
DOWN TO A SCIENCE.

YOU TRY THE JEDI MIND TRICK.

WHAT'S THAT?

YOU NEVER SAW
STAR WARS?

NO, I SAW IT.

I GUESS I JUST DIDN'T
MEMORIZE IT LIKE YOU DID.

WELL, THAT'S YOUR LOSS,
ISN'T IT?

BECAUSE THE JEDI MIND TRICK

IS WHEN YOU TELL SOMEONE
WHAT TO THINK,

AND THEY THINK IT.

FOR EXAMPLE, M.T. SAYS,

( nasal voice ) "MACON,
YOU'RE ALREADY IN TROUBLE,

"AND IT'S THE FIRST DAY
OF SCHOOL.

IS THIS ANY WAY
TO START THE NEW YEAR?"

OKAY, PRETEND YOU'RE ME.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

OKAY. I SAY...

NO. I WANNA BE SOMEONE ELSE.

CUTE. NO.

YOU, AS ME, SAY...

"MRS. T, YOU'RE GONNA
LET THIS ONE SLIDE.

BECAUSE IT WAS
AN HONEST MISTAKE,

IT'S ONLY
THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL,

AND THE FIRE WAS PUT OUT
AS QUICKLY AS IT WAS STARTED.

YOU DIDN'T REALLY
START A FIRE, DID YOU?

THE POINT IS THAT YOU PUT
THE WORDS INTO SOMEBODY'S MOUTH

AND THEY GIVE THEM
BACK TO YOU

LIKE THEY'VE JUST COME UP
WITH THE IDEA.

LIKE WHEN I ASK YOU TO GO
OUT THIS FRIDAY NIGHT,

YOU'RE GONNA THINK YOU'RE
ASKING ME BECAUSE YOU'LL SAY,

"YES, MACON, I WOULD LOVE TO,

"BECAUSE I KNOW WE'LL HAVE
A TOTALLY GREAT TIME TOGETHER.

IN FACT, I'VE BEEN HOPING
YOU'D ASK ME ALL WEEK."

YOU WANNA GO OUT
ON A DATE WITH ME?

SEE? I TOLD YOU
YOU'D ASK ME.

MACON, I THINK I LIKE YOU
TOO MUCH ALREADY

TO ACTUALLY GO OUT WITH YOU.

WHAT KIND
OF LOGIC IS THAT?

IT'S LOGICAL LOGIC.

THE QUICKEST WAY TO RUIN
A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE

IS TO ACTUALLY TRY AND HAVE
A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.

HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED WHEN
THE OPPOSITE SEX GETS TOGETHER,

EVENTUALLY, SOMEONE
ENDS UP GETTING HURT?

WELL, I AM, TOO--
BOYCOTTING.

YOU CAN'T BOYCOTT
YOUR FATHER'S WEDDING.

IT'S NOT EVEN A WEDDING.

IT'S...AN ELOPEMENT.

YEAH, EXCEPT EVERYONE WITHIN
HIS RADIO FREQUENCY IS INVITED.

MY GOD, HE IS
SUCH A HYPOCRITE.

I CANNOT BELIEVE HE WOULDN'T
TELL US ABOUT IT FIRST.

HE DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY WARNING
WHEN YOU WENT TO DINNER?

SHE WAS AT THAT DINNER?

NO.

OKAY, YEAH,
SHE WAS THERE AT THE END.

MOM, COME ON. SHE WASN'T
EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.

YOU KNOW...

I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA LET HIM
WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE.

PLEASE STOP WORRYING
ABOUT ME.

I AM FINE.
I'M FINE.

IN A WAY, IT SETS ME FREE.
I FEEL STRANGELY LIBERATED.

AND HE IS
STILL YOUR FATHER, AFTER ALL.

AND IF HE WANTS TO MAKE

A COMPLETE
AND UTTER FOOL OF HIMSELF

BY TRYING IN SOME PATHETICALLY
CLICHé FASHION

TO RECAPTURE
HIS SORRY STATE OF MANHOOD

BY HOOKING UP WITH NOT EVEN
A VERY ATTRACTIVE BIMBO,

THEN IF THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS,
I'M FINE WITH THAT.

SOMEONE TOSS, PLEASE.

NOW.

THIS IS OUR RECEPTION AREA

WITH OUR POST-CEREMONY
CHAMPAGNE BAR...

WHICH IS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED

RIGHT NEXT
TO OUR VERY OWN CHAPEL.

CAN'T YOU JUST PICTURE
WALKING DOWN THIS AISLE?

IN A COFFIN.

SORRY, IT'S JUST...
A LITTLE DEPRESSING.

ACTUALLY, NOBODY'S EVER
SAID THAT BEFORE.

Ashley: LEWIS...SAY SOMETHING.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL, I LIKE IT.
I MEAN, IT'S VERY CLEAN.

CLEAN?

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT
OUR WEDDING DAY TO BE?

CLEAN?

IT'S NOT...
IT'S NOT PRETTY,

IT'S NOT INTIMATE,
IT'S NOT ROMANTIC.

I'M JUST SO HAPPY
THAT I GET TO MARRY YOU.

Woman: I'M SORRY,
NOT TO PRESSURE YOU,

BUT THIS SPACE DOES BOOK UP
QUITE QUICKLY FOR SPRING.

IN FACT,
WE HAVE ANOTHER COUPLE--

WHY DON'T WE GIVE THEM
A MOMENT TO THINK?

ASHLEY, SWEETIE,
THEY PLAN THE WHOLE THING.

THE FOOD AND THE FLOWERS...
EVEN THE PLACE CARDS.

THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH LESS
HASSLE IT'LL BE.

YOU THINK PLANNING THE MOST
IMPORTANT DAY OF OUR LIVES

IS A HASSLE?

IT HASN'T EVEN
BEEN THAT LONG.

19 1/2 HOURS.

( gasps )

WOULDN'T MICHAEL
LOOK COOL IN THAT?

HEY, I DID
A GOOD JOB, HUH?

MICHAEL SHERWOOD WOULD
LOOK GOOD IN ANYTHING.

THAT'S NOT THE POINT,
THOUGH, OKAY?

ENJOY HIM
AND FOOL AROUND WITH HIM.

DON'T FALL IN LOVE
WITH HIM.

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT
"FALLING," ANYWAYS?

IT'S NOT WORTH IT TO YOU
TO SPEND MONEY ON A WEDDING.

THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY.

I WAS TRYING TO KILL
TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.

CHEAP IS WHAT THAT IS.

OH, YOU SEE CHEAP,
I SEE CONVENIENCE.

LOOK AT THEM.

THEY'RE LIKE A WALKING
WARNING SIGN AGAINST ROMANCE.

LEWIS IS THIS ANAL,
UPTIGHT GEEK

WHO HAS MY SISTER
UNDER SOME KIND OF SPELL,

SO NOW ALL THIS FORMERLY
SEMI-INTELLIGENT PERSON

THINKS ABOUT IS DIAMONDS,
AND HAIRDOS...AND BULLSHIT.

IT LOOKED LIKE A K-MART.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
BEFORE WE GO?

MAYBE GO BY
AND LOOK AT IT.

SEE? LOOK AT THEM.

THEY DON'T
EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER,

BUT BECAUSE OF THIS
STUPID SPELL THEY'RE UNDER,

IT MAKES THEM DISREGARD
ALL THE FACTS.

THEY ARE FIGHTING

BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER
ENOUGH TO CARE.

I DIDN'T KNOW IT LOOKED LIKE
A K-MART BEFORE I WENT THERE.

LEWIS, ONCE WE GOT IN THERE,
YOU KNEW.

OKAY, I GOOFED.

TOO BAD YOU CAN'T GET A DIVORCE
BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

THAT WAY,
YOU COULD SAVE YOURSELF

ON THAT STUPID EXTRA STEP.

LEWIS, I'M SORRY.

SEE?

Ashley: THESE DISHES,
THEY'RE PERFECT.

AW...THAT'S LOVE, HALLEY.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

FALL ONCE AND YOU MAY NEVER
BE ABLE TO GET BACK UP AGAIN.

( cell phone beeps )

MICHAEL.

( both laugh )

Halley: GEEK!
GET OUT OF HERE!

ISN'T HE ADORABLE?

HE'S CUTE.

( clapping and cheering )

YEAH! WHOO!

YAY!

ALL RIGHT, MICHAEL!

ALL RIGHT, MICHAEL!

WAY TO GET THAT GOAL!

WHOO!

Coach: OKAY, GUYS,
LINE UP!

Coach: ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
BACK UP.

LET'S GIVE HIM SOME AIR.

SHERWOOD?
SHERWOOD, YOU HEAR ME?

MICHAEL?

GUYS, BACK UP.
GIVE HIM SOME AIR.

ALL RIGHT?
A LITTLE BIT OF AIR.

( siren approaches )

CALL THE DOCTOR.

I THOUGHT MY PARENTS' DIVORCE
WAS THE END OF THE WORLD.

THAT WAS BEFORE MICHAEL DIED
OF A HEART DEFECT.

AND THE WORLD STOPPED...

OR IT SHOULD HAVE.

I'M SORRY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK IT'S 100 DEGREES OUT.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

THE ONLY BLACK CLOTHES I HAVE
ARE WINTER CLOTHES.

I HAVE NOTHING NICE TO WEAR.

I DON'T THINK
IT MATTERS, REALLY.

LOOK, THIS IS...

THIS IS DARK GREEN
AND IT'S REALLY NICE.

IT'S UGLY, HALLEY.

I'M JUST TRYING TO THINK
ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

ANYTHING,
FOR ONE SINGLE SECOND.

I WANNA LOOK GOOD FOR HIM.

DOES THAT SOUND CRAZY?

THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

YEAH, BUT DYING IS DEFINITELY
NOT ONE OF THE BETTER CONCEPTS.

NO, THE DRESS, HALLEY.

EVERYONE'S LOOKING AT ME
LIKE I'M A FREAK.

OKAY, IT'S NOT FOR THEM.
IT'S FOR MICHAEL.

REMEMBER THAT.

CAN YOU BELIEVE
WHAT SHE'S WEARING?

THAT'S, LIKE,
SO DISRESPECTFUL.

SHE ALWAYS HAS TO HAVE
ALL THE ATTENTION TO HERSELF.

Pastor: "ALTHOUGH IT DROOP
AND DIE THAT NIGHT,

"IT WAS THE PLANT
AND FLOWER OF LIGHT.

"IN SMALL PROPORTIONS,
WE JUST BEAUTY SEE.

"AND IN SHORT MEASURES,

LIFE MAY PERFECT BE."

MR. MACON FORRESTER
WILL NOW ADDRESS US.

I--I WAS GONNA
READ FROM THIS...

BUT I'M NOT VERY GOOD
AT READING.

OR WRITING...

OR SPELLING.

NOT LIKE MICHAEL.

HE WAS GOOD AT SO MANY THINGS
WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.

HE TAUGHT ME
HOW TO BE MYSELF...

BY MYSELF.

AND NOT TO WORRY
ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.

EVEN IF THAT MEANS
BEING COMPLETELY UNCOOL.

HE TAUGHT ME ABOUT
HOW TO TRUST PEOPLE.

AND HOW TO LOVE.

'CAUSE HE WAS SO GOOD.

HE LOVED HIS FAMILY,
HE LOVED HIS FRIENDS.

HE LOVED BASKETBALL.

AND HE LOVED SCARLETT.

AND HE LOVED THIS.

( plays "Do You Realize,"
by the Flaming Lips )

* DO YOU REALIZE *

* THAT YOU HAVE
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FACE? *

* DO YOU REALIZE *

( thunder crashes )

* WE'RE FLOATING IN SPACE? *

* DO YOU REALIZE *

* THAT HAPPINESS
MAKES YOU CRY? *

* DO YOU REALIZE *

**

* YOUR LOVE
IS LIKE A CAR CRASH *

* DON'T IT ALL THAT WHIPLASH? *

* YOU'RE A STAIN
I CAN'T GET OUT *

* I TRY BLEACH
AND I TRY SHOUT *

* YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY *

* WHO NEEDS ATTENTION
AROUND THE CLOCK *

Man: ...TAKE THIS WOMAN,
LORNA QUEEN,

TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED WIFE,
YOUR PARTNER

THE QUEEN OF YOUR OWN HEART,
FOREVER AND EVER?

OH, YEAH!

DADDY, ROCK ON
WITH YOUR WOMAN!

( cheering and barking )

AND DO YOU,
LORNA P. QUEEN,

TAKE THIS OLD GUY LEN TO BE
YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND

FOR ALL THE REST OF YOUR DAYS?

I DO.

( cheering )

WRAP IT UP.
WE'RE OFF IN 15 SECONDS.

OUR AIRTIME IS ALMOST UP.

WOO-WOO!

WE MUST NOW GO
WHERE FEDERAL REGULATIONS

WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO FOLLOW,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

( howls )

( barks )

LEWIS, NO!
NO BARKING.

* THEN A TALL GLASS
OF BUD DRY *

* WELL,
YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY *

* WHO NEEDS ATTENTION
AROUND THE CLOCK *

SORRY, BUT YOU GOTTA GO.

OH, POOR LITTLE THING.

I KNOW JUST HOW IT FEELS.

OUT WITH THE OLD,
IN WITH THE NEW.

AND WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

JUST BECAUSE
YOU'VE GOT GREAT PETALS.

OH, MY GOD.
I'M TALKING TO MY PLANTS.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU'RE TALKING
TO YOUR PLANTS.

HOW WAS IT?

IT WAS GREAT...

IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE THE DEVIL
AND ENJOY HUMAN PAIN.

TELL ME SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW!

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO TELL YOU?

WAIT! NO, THE BIMBO
ALMOST DIED OF STRANGULATION.

I CANNOT BELIEVE
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

HER WEDDING VEIL TOOK ON
A LIFE OF ITS OWN AND REBELLED.

AND SHE HAD TO CLAW
HER WAY OUT.

AND YOU KNOW
THAT WOMAN CAN CLAW, MOM.

IT WAS SO SAD.

IT WAS LIKE,
NEAR DEATH BY WEDDING VEIL.

OH...

JUST TRAGIC, ISN'T IT?

OH, MY GOD!
AND THEIR VOWS?

WAS DAD THAT MUCH A LOSER
WHEN YOU GUYS GOT MARRIED?

I'M SORRY.

YOUR FATHER'S NOT A LOSER.

ALTHOUGH HE DID CHOOSE TO LOOK
LIKE ONE AT OUR WEDDING, TOO.

HE INSISTED ON WEARING
A POWDER-BLUE TUXEDO.

THEN WHY DO PEOPLE
GET MARRIED, ANYWAYS?

I MEAN, WE KNOW
THEY'RE LYING TO EACH OTHER,

BUT ARE THEY LYING
TO THEMSELVES, TOO?

HOW CAN YOU PROMISE YOU'RE GONNA
FEEL THE SAME WAY FOREVER?

THINGS DO
SOMETIMES CHANGE, HALLEY.

THIS HOUSE IS AWFULLY BIG
FOR JUST THE TWO OF US,

DON'T YOU THINK?

WHAT?

YOU'LL BE GOING
TO COLLEGE SOON.

MOM...A YEAR AND 3/4
IS NOT REALLY THAT SOON.

I WANT US TO START THINKING
ABOUT STREAMLINING, HALLEY.

MAYBE WE SHOULD SELL
THE HOUSE.

I GREW UP IN THIS HOUSE.

YES, AND THERE HAVE BEEN
GREAT MEMORIES IN THIS HOUSE.

THIS IS MY HOUSE.

I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU MUST FEEL,
BUT LIFE CHANGES.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS,
MOM, COME ON!

AND I DON'T WANT
TO LIVE HERE ALONE.

( indistinct conversation )

BYE, HALLEY.

BYE, HALLEY.

( boy imitates dramatic music )

STAND BACK!
LEAF MAN TO THE RESCUE.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

A GUY'S GOTTA PAY FOR GAS
AND BACON BURGERS SOMEHOW.

AND TOYS, 'CAUSE I IMAGINE

STAR WARS FIGURINES
MUST GET PRETTY EXPENSIVE.

I DO NOT HAVE
ANY STAR WARS FIGURINES.

WELL...NOT MANY,
AND I DON'T PLAY WITH THEM...

MUCH.

THIS ONE'S ON THE HOUSE.

OKAY.

UH-HUH.

HERE YOU GO.

YOU'RE AFRAID
TO GO OUT WITH ME

BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY
MIGHT LIKE ME?

NO, BUT THAT'S
A GOOD THEORY, I GUESS,

IF YOU WANT TO PROTECT
YOUR FRAGILE MALE EGO.

'CAUSE YOU CAN'T
HANDLE REJECTION!

REJECTION? WHATEVER!

* GET A LOAD OF ME
GET A LOAD OF YOU *

* WALKING DOWN THE STREET
AND I HARDLY KNOW YOU *

* HARDLY KNOW YOU *

* IT'S JUST LIKE
WE WERE MEANT TO BE *

* WHAT IT IS
IS JUST THE BEGINNING *

* WE'RE ALREADY WET
AND WE'RE GONNA GO SWIMMING *

* WHY CAN'T I BREATHE *

* WHENEVER I THINK
ABOUT YOU? *

* WHY CAN'T I SPEAK *

* WHENEVER
I TALK ABOUT YOU? *

* IT'S INEVITABLE *

* IT'S A FACT THAT WE'RE
GONNA GET DOWN TO IT *

* SO TELL ME *

* WHY CAN'T I BREATHE *

* WHENEVER I THINK
ABOUT YOU? *

* WHENEVER
I THINK ABOUT YOU *

* WHENEVER I THINK
ABOUT YOU *

( soft tapping )

( sound continues )

OF COURSE
YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD

THAT I DIDN'T
JUST USE THE PHONE,

BUT YOU'RE ALSO GLAD

BECAUSE IT'S SO MUCH BETTER
TO TALK IN PERSON.

ESPECIALLY WHEN I'VE COME
WITH SUCH A SPECIFIC PURPOSE.

WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE
GONNA CUT ME SOME SLACK HERE.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.

I'VE BEEN CALLED WORSE.

YOU'RE GONNA KISS ME,
HALLEY.

YOU'RE GONNA COME
A LITTLE CLOSER...

SO I CAN PUT
MY ARMS AROUND YOU.

AND THEN,
ON THE COUNT OF THREE...

TWO...

ONE.

YOU'RE A REALLY
GOOD KISSER.

YOU TRICKED ME.

YOU JEDI MIND-TRICKED ME.

( door opens )

HALLEY?

HALLEY, IS THAT YOU OUT THERE?

Macon (whispering):
Close your eyes, go to bed.

Gimme a break.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

Halley: UM...

I'M SORRY, I, UM...

SORRY.

I JUST...
I NEEDED TO TALK.

I WAS JUST COMING OVER
FOR A LITTLE LATE-NIGHT CHAT.

WE'RE NOT GONNA STAY UP
VERY LATE, THOUGH. OKAY?

AT LEAST DO IT INSIDE.

"NAUSEA"?

A LITTLE.

"BREAST TENDERNESS"?

OW.

YEAH. MAJOR.

"FOOD CRAVINGS"?

GRAPEFRUIT.

SCARLETT, COME ON,

I COULD ANSWER "YES" TO MOST
OF THESE QUESTIONS, TOO.

I USED TO HATE GRAPEFRUIT.

WHAT'S WRONG?

NO OFFENSE, HALLEY,
BUT...

UGH...YOUR PERFUME
IS MAKING ME SICK.

OH, COME ON,
I'M NOT WEARING PERFUME.

I USE SOAP.

MM-HM.

"HEIGHTENED SENSE OF SMELL."

OKAY, SO DO YOU PREFER
DIRECT PEE-ON-A-STRIP

OR DIP-IN-A-CUP?

SHH!

Halley:
MAYBE IT'S A FALSE READING.

BECAUSE I HAVE HEARD OF THINGS
SUCH AS FALSE READINGS,

AND THE STRIPS DID NOT
LOOK COMPLETELY PINK,

THEY LOOKED ONLY
KIND OF PINKISH, SO--

FIVE KITS, HALLEY.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

( honks horn )

SO YOU TAKE THE CAR
WITHOUT MY PERMISSION

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
ON SOME KIND OF JOY RIDE.

IT WASN'T A JOY RIDE.

MAYBE I SHOULD--

DON'T THINK YOU'RE
OFF THE HOOK, HALLEY MARTIN.

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE
YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE,

AND YOU ARE
A TERRIBLE DRIVER.

I WAS HELPING SCARLETT
GET SOME BOOKS AT SCHOOL.

WE LEFT THEM THERE--

FORGET IT, HALLEY!

MOM...

TAKING YOUR CAR OUT

IS GONNA SEEM
LIKE THE LEAST OF IT.

BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU'RE
THINKING RIGHT NOW...

IT'S WORSE.

WELL, ONE OF YOU
BETTER TELL ME

BEFORE I HAVE
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

I'M PREGNANT.

WELL, THANK GOD
YOU TOLD ME IN TIME.

( cries softly )

SHOULDN'T I BE GETTING PAID
TO WEAR A DRESS THIS UGLY?

I'M SORRY
IF YOU HATE MY TASTE

AND YOU THINK IT'S SO AWFUL
YOU HAVE TO BE IN MY WEDDING,

BUT YOU ARE MY SISTER.

Woman:
IT'S AN EMOTIONAL TIME.

ALL RIGHT,
I WAS JUST JOKING.

JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK UP
SOMETHING YOU THINK IS FUNNY,

DOESN'T MEAN
YOU HAVE TO SAY IT.

OKAY, ASHLEY,
I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S JUST...

I LOVE THE DRESS, REALLY.

I FEEL LIKE A PRINCESS,
YOU KNOW?

( sighs )

I LOOK AWFUL.

WE'LL FIX IT.

IT'S NOT THE DRESS
THAT NEEDS FIXING.

IT'S ME.

ASHLEY, WOULD YOU
DRIVE HALLEY HOME?

'CAUSE I HAVE
TO GET BACK TO WORK.

GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK,

YOU STUPID, LYING, FECKLESS,

TWO-TIMING
SON OF A BITCH!

CAN I HELP YOU, MA'AM?

IT STOLE MY MONEY,
SO, JUST...

HERE.

THIS WORKS
A LITTLE BETTER SOMETIMES.

WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE?

DIET COKE SOUNDS GOOD.

THE LAST ONE.

ON ME.

I HOPE I DIDN'T,
YOU KNOW, KICK IT TOO...

I THINK THESE MACHINES
ARE BUILT

TO WITHSTAND A GOOD BOOTING
EVERY NOW AND THEN.

STEVE BECKWITH.

LYDIA MARTIN.

DID I SAY "MARTIN"?

IT'S LYDIA WILLIAMS NOW.

LYDIA WILLIAMS AGAIN.

WILLIAMS. AGAIN.

LYDIA.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

THANK YOU.

AREN'T YOU GONNA WEAR
ANY LIPSTICK?

YOU SOUND LIKE MOM.

CAN ONE OF YOU TWO
ZIP ME, PLEASE?

OKAY, YOU GUYS KNOW YOU'RE
WEARING THE SAME DRESS, RIGHT?

UNBELIEVABLE.

( knocks on door )

DON'T USE THAT BATHROOM.
YOU'RE GRANDMOTHER'S IN THERE.

WE PRACTICALLY ARE.

I'LL CHANGE.

NO, I'LL CHANGE.
I'LL CHANGE.

I CAN CHANGE.

NO, I SHOULDN'T
WEAR BLACK ANYWAYS.

HALLEY, COULD YOU
PLEASE JUST WEAR

SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT
MORE FEMININE

BECAUSE THE WARSHERS
ARE REALLY TRADITIONAL.

THANK YOU.

SWEETHEART...
DO YOU NEED THE LOO?

OH, GRANDMA, NO, NO, NO.

I'M GONNA USE
THE ONE DOWNSTAIRS.

DON'T BE SILLY.

UH, COME ON IN.

OKAY.

I'M ALMOST THROUGH.

IT SMELLS LIKE, UM...

OH.

JUST BURNING
A LITTLE INCENSE.

( knock on door )

MOTHER?

ARE YOU SMOKING
THE CANNABIS AGAIN?

I HAD A LITTLE HEADACHE.

BUT I'M FEELING
REALLY MUCH BETTER NOW.

I KNEW WE'D BE LATE.

WE'RE FINE.

HIS PARENTS
ARE PROMPTNESS NUTS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M LATE.

ASHLEY, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS

WHEN YOU MAKE PEOPLE CHANGE
TEN TIMES.

OOH...

THESE LEAVES WOULD MAKE
A WONDERFUL TEXTILE.

HALLEY, LOOK.

I'LL BET
IF WE MAKE SHEETS...

MOTHER!

OF THIS PATTERN,
WE'D MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS!

MOTHER, PLEASE, NOT NOW.

( whispers )
She's high.

SHE'S NOT HIGH,
SHE'S MEDICATED.

OW.

Grandma: "OW"...

YOU KNOW,
IT'S INTERESTING--

WHEN YOU MAKE
THE "OW" SOUND,

YOUR MOUTH DOES
THIS FUNNY THING

IN THE CORNERS.

MOTHER,
YOU'RE NOT SICK ANYMORE.

YOU WERE ONLY ALLOWED
TO USE WEED WHEN YOU WERE SICK.

YOU'RE NOT SICK ANYMORE.

I DO HAVE
HEADACHES A LOT.

SHE'LL BE FINE.
WOULD YOU RING THE BELL?

SMILE.

( doorbell chimes )

DOES ANYONE ELSE
HEAR WIND CHIMES,

OR IS IT JUST ME?

THIS IS A TOTAL DISASTER.

SHIT!

HELLO.

I KNOW IT'S TURKEY DAY,

BUT WE THOUGHT SQUAB
WOULD BE MOST SPECIAL.

OH, THEY'RE
ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE.

SQUAB.

CAN I SAY
I'M A VEGETARIAN?

NO.

IT REMINDS ME OF A LITTLE
YELLOW PARAKEET

I HAD WHEN I WAS A GIRL.

SUCH A SWEET,
SMART LITTLE BIRD.

THEY LOOK WONDERFUL.

THANK YOU.

MARCELLA'S SUCH A TRULY
MAGNIFICENT COOK.

WE ARE LUCKY
TO HAVE FOUND HER.

OH, I BET THERE'S
A STORY IN THAT.

TELL ME,
HOW LOST WERE YOU

BEFORE YOU WERE FOUND?

BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A LADY
WHO DOESN'T GET LOST VERY OFTEN.

GRANDMA.

SHE CAME WITH US 20 YEARS AGO

WHEN WE MOVED UP HERE
FROM ATLANTA.

SHE REALLY RAISED OUR LEWIS.

I DIDN'T REALIZE
YOU WERE A WORKING MOTHER.

I WASN'T.

SHE DID GO THROUGH
A BROKERAGE TRAINING PROGRAM.

SHE WAS GOOD.

KILLER INSTINCT.

BUT SHE SET HER SIGHTS
ON ME, INSTEAD.

AND I'D SAY I GOT
THE BEST DEAL AT THE FIRM.

HE'S ALL RIGHT.

HE'S NO CLARK GABLE,

BUT THEN
VERY FEW MEN ARE.

WHAT WAS THE NAME
OF THAT CHARACTER?

ASHLEY.

ASHLEY.

NO, YOU'RE ASHLEY.

( chuckles nervously )

THE WEDDING PLANS
ARE COMING ALONG BEAUTIFULLY.

OH, WELL, YOU HOLLER
IF YOU NEED ANY HELP AT ALL.

I WANT THIS TO BE
A MEMORABLE AFFAIR.

Mr. Warsher: CAROL DOES THROW
ON HECK OF A LUNCHEON.

Mrs. Warsher:
THAT IS MY ONE REGRET

ABOUT NOT HAVING MORE CHILDREN.

HAVING GIRLS
MUST BE SUCH FUN.

BUT WE ALWAYS FELT
THAT HAVING AN ONLY CHILD

WAS A MUCH BETTER WAY TO MOLD
AND SHAPE THEIR CHARACTER.

Lydia: ASHLEY WAS ALONE
FOR HER FIRST SIX YEARS.

I LIKE TO THINK SHE GOT
THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.

Halley: MY BEST FRIEND
IS AN ONLY CHILD.

SHE'S HAVING A BABY,

WHICH I KNOW AT OUR AGE

IS SOMETHING THAT
OBVIOUSLY WASN'T PLANNED.

AND HER MOM IS NOT REALLY
THRILLED ABOUT THE SITUATION,

BUT I REALLY THINK

THAT SHE'S KIND OF STARTING
TO GET BEHIND IT RIGHT NOW.

SO...

OH!

UM, WHICH WAY
TO THE BATHROOM?

RIGHT DOWN THE HALL
AND TO YOUR LEFT.

Mrs. Warsher:
ISN'T IT A SURPRISE--

OUR CHILDREN CHOOSING
TO GET MARRIED SO YOUNG.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT LEWIS
WOULD TAKE HIS TIME

TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON.

Lewis: WELL, IT MUST BE
THE EXAMPLE OF YOU AND DAD.

I MEAN... YOU MAKE MARRIAGE
SEEM SO FUN.

AND ASHLEY'S A LOT
LIKE YOU, MOM.

UH, SHE'S A VERY
DETERMINED WOMAN.

( smoke alarm beeps )

( dog barking )

( beeping )

All: HALLEY?

( knock on door )

Lydia:
OPEN THE DOOR, HALLEY.

Mr. Warsher: YOUNG LADY?

Lydia: OPEN THE DOOR.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

LOVELY EVENING.
THANK YOU.

THANKS FOR STICKING UP FOR ME.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

YOUR MOM OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T
WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED.

YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE
I'M SOME DESPERATE WOMAN

SOMEHOW FORCING YOU
INTO THE WHOLE THING.

I DID NOT.

"ASHLEY'S A VERY
DETERMINED WOMAN."

OH, I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I HAVE WITNESSES!
MOM, YOU WERE THERE.

YOU DID SAY SOMETHING
ALONG THOSE LINES.

WELL, THAT IS NOT
HOW I MEANT IT.

LEWIS, YOU HAVE
A LOVELY FAMILY

AND THAT IS
WHAT IS IMPORTANT.

THEY WEREN'T
EXACTLY LOVELY TO YOU.

"OH, YOU ACTUALLY WORK
FOR A LIVING,

YOU LOWER CLASS,
PATHETIC DIVORCéE?

Lydia: ASHLEY, ENOUGH.

I'M THE ONE WHO GOT
HUMPED BY A DOG IN THERE.

( soft tapping sound )

Halley: WHERE ARE WE?

Macon: YOU'LL SEE
WHEN WE GET THERE.

IT'S TOO DARK TO SEE.

JUST HOLD ON.

ME AND SHERWOOD FOUND
THIS PLACE A COUPLE YEARS AGO.

WE USED TO COME HERE.

( music plays )

YOU LIKE IT?

* A LITTLE SOMETHIN' SWEET *

YEAH.

* LOVE CAN MAKE YOU *

COME ON,
LET'S DANCE.

NO.

YES.

NO.
YES.

NOPE.

* I SO WANT *

COME ON, MACON.

NO.

MACON!

PLEASE?
COME ON, MACON.

* A BOY
THAT'S SO STRONG *

NO.

* A LOVE THAT'S SO TRUE *

YOU LOOK GREAT,
BUT I JUST...

* I THINK ABOUT HER,
THAT'S ALL I DO *

( siren blares )

MICHAEL'S PARENTS
MOVED TO FLORIDA.

YOU STILL HAVE
TO TELL THEM.

I KNOW.

I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT

WHAT TO SAY
THAT MAKES ANY SENSE.

WHICH MAKES SENSE,

GIVEN THAT NONE
OF WHAT'S HAPPENED

MAKES ANY SENSE.

( laughs )

OH...

YOU KNOW, IT'S WEIRD.

BECAUSE IF YOU WERE
THE ONE THAT WAS PREGNANT,

I WOULD UNDERSTAND YOU
CONSIDERING HAVING AN ABORTION

OR PUTTING THE BABY
UP FOR ADOPTION.

YOU CAN STILL PUT
THE BABY UP FOR ADOPTION.

NO.

I KNOW ALL THE ARGUMENTS.

AND I KNOW
WHAT I'M GIVING UP.

AND I KNOW THAT NOTHING IS
GONNA BE NORMAL FOR ME ANYMORE.

( chuckles )

OH, BUT WHAT
IS NORMAL, ANYWAY?

GROWING UP WITH MY MOM
SURE WASN'T.

LOSING MICHAEL WASN'T.

I USED TO THINK
THAT MY FAMILY

WAS THE PICTURE-PERFECT
EXAMPLE OF NORMAL.

US.

MAYBE BEING ABNORMAL
IS WHAT'S NORMAL, RIGHT?

YEAH, IT'S LIKE
YOU AND MACON.

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE--

YOU FALLING IN LOVE
WITH A GUY LIKE HIM.

I'M NOT FALLING IN LOVE
WITH HIM,

I LIKE KISSING HIM.

WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

WITH BENEFITS.

SHUT UP.

BYE, I'M LEAVING.

YOU'VE GOT IT BAD,
HALLEY!

I'M LEAVING!

I HOPE THIS ISN'T
A BAD TIME.

I KNOW THIS IS AWFULLY
FORWARD OF ME,

BUT I CAN'T STOP
THINKING ABOUT YOU.

YOU'RE OUT OF UNIFORM.

OH, THAT. I FORGOT
I WAS WEARING THAT.

DIDN'T I EXPLAIN?

I'M A CIVIL WAR REENACTOR--
A LITTLE HOBBY.

I GUESS I LIKE
THINKING ABOUT A TIME

WHEN HONOR AND CHIVALRY
REALLY MEANT SOMETHING.

I KNOW I'VE BEEN SLOW
TO TAKE ACTION.

SLOW'S GOOD.

WOULD DINNER TONIGHT
BE TOO FAST?

YES.

I MEAN, NO.
I MEAN, I'D LOVE TO.

* LONG AGO *

* I DREW A LINE
INTO THE SAND *

* JUMPED ACROSS
AND HELD YOUR HAND *

* BAND OF GOLD *

CHEERS.

* PROTECT US
FROM THE BITTER TIDE *

* THAT COMES TO WASH AWAY
OUR WORDS WITH TIME *

* HELLO, YOU *

* HELLO, ME *

* HELLO, HELLO *

* CAN'T YOU SEE *

* LOVE IS
MORE THAN WHAT IT SEEMS? *

FRIENDS?

FRIENDS.

STEVE, I HAD A LOVELY TIME.

* PROMISES *

GOOD NIGHT.

* MADE UNDER
THE RITE OF SPRING *

* HEAVY UNDER SUMMER'S SCENE *

OH!

I-I-I WAS JUST--

YOU WERE JUST LEAVING.

EXACTLY.

HALLEY.

THIS IS HOW YOU CONDUCT
YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN HOME?

YOU SAID IT--
MY OWN HOME.

THAT IMPLIES I HAVE A RIGHT
TO CHOOSE WHAT I DO!

HALLEY MARIE MARTIN,
CONDUCT UNBECOMING.

( knock on door )

NO!

( louder knock )

NO!

YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE
SERIOUS ABOUT THIS BOY.

I'M NOT SERIOUS.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WITH PEOPLE
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE IF YOU HAD
A LITTLE BIT MORE FUN,

YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THE POSITION
YOU'RE IN RIGHT NOW.

WHERE IS ALL THIS ATTITUDE
COMING FROM, HALLEY?

THIS IS NOT LIKE YOU.

LIKE ME?

MOM, YOU DON'T
EVEN KNOW ME.

MAYBE YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD
AT KNOWING PEOPLE.

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW
THAT STRANGE BOY?

MOM, HE'S NOT
STRANGE, OKAY?

HIS NAME IS MACON.

AND MAYBE IF YOU PAID
ATTENTION TO ANYONE--

GOD FORBID--
BESIDES YOURSELF

AND ASHLEY
AND HER STUPID WEDDING,

YOU WOULD KNOW THAT.

I'M TRYING.

HALLEY,
YOU USED TO TALK TO ME.

YEAH, AND YOU WERE TOO BUSY
HATING DAD TO LISTEN.

I'M SORRY YOU'VE HAD
TO GO THROUGH THIS. I'M...

I HATE DAD...

SO MUCH
FOR DOING THIS TO US.

I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM.

AND THEN
I DON'T HATE HIM,

AND I FEEL BAD
FOR HATING HIM.

SWEETIE, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO HATE YOUR FATHER.

HE'S A DECENT MAN.

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO HATE ME, EITHER,

BUT I AM GOING TO HAVE TO START
LAYING DOWN SOME RULES.

OH, HERE WE GO.

HALLEY, YOU'RE GROUNDED
UNTIL NEXT YEAR.

NO. NO, NO, NO.

YOU PROMISED ME
THAT I COULD GO

TO THE NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY
WITH MACON--MOM, PLEASE!

NO. NO BUTS,
NO NEW YEAR'S EVE, NO MACON.

GOD!

( music plays )

"DEAR MR.
AND MRS. SHERWOOD...

"GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE
GONNA BE GRANDPARENTS--"

EXCLAMATION POINT.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY TELLING
MICHAEL'S PARENTS

WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL?

( cell phone rings )

MACON LAND.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

**

* NO ONE LIKES TO LEAVE *

* YEAH *

* LEAVIN', LEAVIN', YEAH *

* NO ONE LIKES TO LEAVE *

* YEAH *

* LEAVIN', LEAVIN', YEAH *

* SHE'S COMPLETELY FREE *

HEY, MACON, THE MAN.

HI.

( laughs )

THE PARTY'S JUST ARRIVED.

THE PARTY HAS--
I'M HERE.

( rap music plays )

YEAH.

OKAY.

SORRY.

NOW, YOU ARE PRETTY.

AW...

COME ON, YOU CAN SMILE
BETTER THAN THAT.

Macon: HEY!

WHAT? SHE DOESN'T KNOW
HOW TO SMILE?

MAYBE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO.

WELL, EXCUSE ME
FOR BREATHING.

YEAH, YOU'RE BREATHING
TOO CLOSE.

SORRY ABOUT THIS.

IT'S OKAY.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

HERE'S TO THE NEW YEAR,
RIGHT?

YEAH, RIGHT.
TO THE NEW YEAR. WHOO.

OKAY, KNOCK-KNOCK.
POLICE RAID.

HEY, MACON, MY MAN...
WHAT'S UP?

WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?

I LOST MY DAMN EARRING.

HEY, MACON.

HI, HALLEY.

HI.

THANKS.

Boy: HALLEY...

NICE NAME.

HEY! WHO WANTS
TO SEE MY FERRET?

DUDE, I HAVE ONE.
I HAVE ONE.

COME ON, DUDE.

I PUT A LITTLE HAT ON HIM
AND EVERYTHING.

IT'S AWESOME.

SO, WHEN'S
SCARLETT DUE, ANYWAY?

YOU KNOW?

YEAH, MY MOM'S A BOOKKEEPER
IN HER DOCTOR'S OFFICE.

BUT...DON'T WORRY.
I HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE.

THIRD WEEK OF MAY.

GOD, THAT IS SO FREAKY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S WEIRD, BUT...

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
THEY'D HOOKED UP.

REALLY? 'CAUSE THEY
WENT OUT ALL SUMMER.

DID THEY?

YEAH, AND HE WAS
COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH HER.

SHE'S RUINING HER LIFE,
YOU KNOW.

I THINK I'D KILL MYSELF
BEFORE I HAD A BABY.

I KNOW ENOUGH

TO KNOW I WOULDN'T
BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT,
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SCARLETT.

RIGHT.

THANK GOD FOR THAT.

* SUPPOSE I SAID *

* I'M ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR *

* THERE ARE TIMES *

* I LOSE MY WORRIED MIND *

* WOULD YOU WANT ME *

* WHEN I'M NOT MYSELF? *

* WAIT IT OUT *

* WHILE I AM
SOMEONE ELSE? *

* SUPPOSE I SAID *

* COLORS CHANGE
FOR NO GOOD REASON *

* WORDS WILL GO *

* FROM POETRY TO PROSE *

* WOULD YOU WANT ME *

* WHEN I'M NOT MYSELF? *

* WAIT IT OUT *

* WHILE I AM SOMEONE ELSE? *

* AND I *

* IN TIME *

WHAT'S WRONG?

* WILL COME AROUND *

I'M SORRY.

* I ALWAYS DO *

HALLEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

* FOR YOU *

( talking and laughing )

All: TEN, NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN,

SIX, FIVE, FOUR,

THREE, TWO, ONE.

( cheering )

I'M SORRY.

I REALLY AM.

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED US
TO BE TOGETHER.

I--I DO--
BUT, "TOGETHER"?

IT'S SO OFFICIAL
AND SO BIG FOR--FOR US.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST SAY
WHAT YOU FEEL FOR ONCE, HUH?

I COULD DO THAT.

I CAN.

I CAN.

I FELT LIKE I HAD TO GET
OUT OF THERE BECAUSE I MIGHT...

REALLY...

CARE ABOUT YOU, AND...

AND IT SCARED ME SO MUCH
BECAUSE THAT MEANT THAT...

YOU COULD HURT ME.

OR MAYBE I
JUST DIDN'T FEEL READY...

TO LIKE SOMEONE...
THAT MUCH.

AND I LIKE YOU.

DON'T MAKE IT
SO COMPLICATED, HALLEY.

( horn honking )

( screams )

( horn honks )

SOME PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE.

I HAD TO CRASH INTO IT.

HEY, BABY.

HI.

I'M SORRY.

YOU GAVE US QUITE A SCARE.

GOD.

AND I RUINED YOUR PARTY, TOO.

I'M NOT CONCERNED
WITH THE PARTY.

YOUR DATE WITH STEVE.

I KNOW THAT WAS
SO IMPORTANT TO YOU.

HALLEY, I KNOW YOU WERE
WITH MACON FORRESTER.

MOM, IT WAS NOT
HIS FAULT, THOUGH.

WE WERE TRYING TO LEAVE
THIS BAD PARTY AND GET HOME.

HE WAS LETTING ME DRIVE--

YOU GUYS KNOW I'M
THE WORSE DRIVER IN THE WORLD.

AND I COULD NOT EVEN SEE--

HALLEY, SAVE YOUR STRENGTH.

YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT TO COME
UP WITH BETTER EXCUSES.

* THINKIN' ABOUT TOMORROW *

* TIRED FROM ALL THE TIME
I SPENT *

MACON WASN'T THERE
WHEN I WOKE UP.

MACON WASN'T THERE
WHEN I LEFT.

MACON WASN'T THERE
THE WHOLE NEXT WEEK AT SCHOOL.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT
WHEN YOU BREAK YOUR OWN RULES?

ANY WORD FROM HIM?

NO.

I GUESS THAT'S WHAT GUYS
ARE GOOD AT, RIGHT?

DISAPPEARING?

* SO LONG *

* BYE, MY FRIENDS,
SO LONG *

* SO LONG *

* WILL IT EVER
HAPPEN AGAIN? *

HEY. I'M BACK.

YOU REALLY DON'T GET IT,
DO YOU?

AND I'M REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD
TO WAIT FOR YOU TO GROW UP.

MACON?

ASHLEY?

OH, MY GOD,
ARE YOU OKAY?

HI, HALLEY.

I THINK
I JUST DROPPED MY KEYS.

NO, THEY'RE IN THE DOOR.
COME ON. OW!

HI. STOP SPINNING!
STOP SPINNING, STOP SPINNING.

I'M NOT SPINNING!

SHH!

( whispers )
Quiet!

MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE QUIET.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.

Ashley.
Ashley, upstairs.

OH, HALLEY,
YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD SISTER.

Shh!

WHOA...YOU THINK
I'M DOING THOSE?

I AM NOT
DOING THOSE.

Be careful. Shh!

CHRIST, HALLEY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT!

THIS IS MY BACHELORETTE PARTY!

I'M A BACHELORETTE!

WHOA!

OH...

THANK YOU, LITTLE SISTER.

YOU ARE THE GREATEST.

OKAY, ASHLEY--
ASHLEY!

PLEASE, JUST TAKE THIS.

JESUS. WHAT--

WHOA.

YOU JUST...

( laughs )

ASHLEY,

PLEASE. COME ON.

( whispers )
Mom is upstairs sleeping.

MOM'S NOT HOME.

OH, REALLY? AND HOW
WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?

FRIDAY NIGHTS SHE SNEAKS OUT
TO HAVE SEX WITH STEVE.

( laughing )

SHE TOLD YOU THAT?

SHE DIDN'T WANT
YOU TO KNOW.

GOD, WHY DO PEOPLE THINK
THAT I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH?

Ashley...

YOU HATCHET-FACED SCARECROW.

YOU BABOON.

BAG OF BONES.

YOU SOUR PUSS.

( knock on door )

TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU.

OOH...HOW IS SHE?

( blows raspberry )

SWEETIE.

A HANGOVER KIT.

OH...

NOT TO APPEAR SUPERIOR,
BUT I DID LIMIT MYSELF

TO ONE GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

IF IT WASN'T FOR HALLEY,
I WOULD'VE DIED, PROBABLY.

NO, YOU JUST WOULD'VE
WOKEN UP ON THE PORCH.

Lewis: I BET THE NEIGHBORS
WOULD'VE LOVED THAT.

RIGHT, ESPECIALLY
WITH THE, UH,

MEN'S UNDERWEAR
AROUND HER NECK.

UNDERWEAR?

IT WAS NOTHING.
JUST SOMETHING STUPID.

UNDERWEAR IS NOT "NOTHING."

UH, NO, THEY WERE
PRETTY MUCH NOTHING.

WE PROMISED EACH OTHER
NO STRIPPERS.

I KNOW, LEWIS.
I KNOW, I KNOW.

BUT I WAS AT THE MERCY
OF MY FRIENDS.

DON'T PROMISES WE MAKE
TO EACH OTHER MEAN ANYTHING?

YES, OF COURSE THEY MEAN
SOMETHING, LEWIS!

GOD, DON'T BE SO UPTIGHT!

OH, I'M UPTIGHT?
I-I-I--

YES, LEWIS, YOU ARE.
YOU ARE UPTIGHT.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?
HALLEY WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU.

YOU HAVE GOT
A BROOMSTICK UP YOUR BUTT.

I NEVER SAID THAT!

Lewis: WELL, GUESS
WHO PUT IT THERE?

DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY.
MAYBE I'LL FIND SOMEBODY FUN!

TO TELL THE TRUTH,
YOU ARE NO FUN!

WE MADE A PROMISE
TO EACH OTHER,

BUT YOU DON'T KEEP IT BECAUSE
YOU'RE TOO SELF-ABSORBED.

DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY.

Lydia: HELLO.
GOOD MORNING, HALLEY.

WHAT'S GOING ON
IN THERE?

I THINK
THEY'RE BREAKING UP.

Ashley: RELAX. YOU'RE NO FUN.

Lewis: MARRIAGE IS A PROMISE--
SOMETHING THAT HAS TO BE KEPT.

NOT EVERY ARGUMENT
LEADS TO A BREAKUP.

( door opens )

FOR REAL!

( door slams )

THE WEDDING IS OFF.

( ring clatters )

( soft tapping sound )

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY
I'M SORRY.

"I'M SORRY" DOESN'T ALWAYS
CUT IT, MACON. GOD!

I COULDN'T STAY WITH YOU
AT THE HOSPITAL.

I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE,

BUT THINK HOW MUCH
MORE FREAKED OUT

YOUR MOM WOULD'VE GOT
IF SHE'D HAVE SEEN ME.

OH, MY GOD.

OKAY. WOW,
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

SO, YOU WERE DITCHING ME
FOR MY OWN BENEFIT?

AW...

NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

I--I DIDN'T DITCH YOU.

I...

OKAY, I...

I FREAKED OUT.

I'M NOT USED TO FEELING
THIS WAY ABOUT SOMEBODY.

AND I JUST...

I COULDN'T BELIEVE
I ALMOST LOST YOU, TOO.

HERE.

COME ON,
I'LL HELP YOU EAT THEM.

NO. I DON'T WANT ANY.

I CAN'T SEE YOU ANYMORE.

YOUR MOM WILL GET OVER IT.

IT'S NOT MY MOM. IT'S ME.

AND, OF COURSE, IF YOU DO
DECIDE TO GET MARRIED,

I CAN GET MY MAKEUP
AND HAIR PEOPLE

TO DO YOU
ON THE BIG DAY.

AND IF YOU DECIDE
NOT TO GET MARRIED,

I THINK YOU SHOULD LET THEM
DO SOME WORK ON YOU ANYWAY,

BECAUSE YOU ARE GONNA WANT
TO LOOK YOUR BEST

WHEN YOU GET BACK OUT THERE.

DARLING, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG
WITH CANCELING A WEDDING.

NO, IT'S INDEFINITELY POSTPONED.

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO SAY OFFICIALLY.

MY MOM FOUND OUT.

ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T REALLY
EVEN MADE UP MY MIND YET,

SO IF EVERYBODY
COULD JUST--

OH, HONEY.

GIVE ME A HUG.

SWEETIE, YOU NEVER KNOW
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

OKAY? FOR A WHILE THERE,
I THOUGHT I'D NEVER GET MARRIED.

FINALLY, I HAD
TO PUT MY FOOT DOWN,

OR MY GUY HERE
WOULD NEVER HAVE LEFT--

( phone rings )

( rings )

I'LL GET THAT.

HELLO?

HONEY, IT'S THEIR MOTHER
CALLING FROM VIRGINIA.

IT SEEMS YOUR GRANDMOTHER
HAD A BAD FALL.

YOUR MOTHER WANTS YOU
TO MEET HER THERE.

DO YOU THINK
SHE'S OKAY IN THERE?

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE.

( yells )
GRANDMA, ARE YOU ALL...RIGHT?

YES, I'M JUST SMOKING
A LITTLE MARIJUANA.

LOOK AT THAT PATTERN.

IS IT JUST ME,

OR IS THAT THE SPITTIN' IMAGE
OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN?

LOOK, HALLEY, LOOK.
SEE, THERE'S THE MOLE.

HALLEY, YOU MUST SEE IT!

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SEES THINGS
NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE.

I DO?

YES.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE WALKING YET.

NEXT TIME YOU FALL LIKE THAT,
YOU'RE GONNA BREAK YOUR HIP.

THEN YOU'RE GOING TO DIE.

HALLEY...

YOU REMEMBER
WHEN WE WENT

TO SEE OUR COMET
TOGETHER?

MM-HM.

Lydia: HALLEY WAS TOO YOUNG
TO REMEMBER THAT.

NO, I DO REMEMBER.

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY.

YOU REMEMBER
HEARING ABOUT IT AFTER.

NO, MOM, I DO REMEMBER.

WHY DOES NO ONE TRUST ME
TO KNOW WHAT I KNOW ANYMORE?

GOD.

GOD!

SHE DOESN'T EVEN THINK

THAT MY OWN MEMORIES
BELONG TO ME.

DARLING,
SHE'S YOUR MOTHER.

NOW, TELL ME ABOUT
THIS FELLA OF YOURS.

WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?

GRANDMA, IT'S REALLY OVER.

FIRST LOVES ARE NEVER
REALLY OVER.

NOBODY'S PERFECT,
SWEETHEART.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
IT WASN'T WORTH YOUR WHILE.

OH, BOY! DO I HAVE
THE MUNCHIES!

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

HE'S NOT
TERRIBLE-LOOKING.

YEAH, HE'S EVEN CUTE

IN THAT GEEKY WAY
YOU LIKE GUYS, ASHLEY.

HALLEY, IT'S...

IT'S LEWIS.

ASHLEY, LOVE OF MY LIFE...

LIFE OF MY HEART...

ONCE AGAIN...

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

YES.

YES.

YES. HOW CRAZY.

HOW CRAZY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

DO IT.

I OWE YOU ONE.

FOR?

MACON'S A REALLY GREAT GUY.

SEE YA, HALLEY.

HALLEY.

HEY.

HI.

I HAD NO IDEA
YOU GUYS WERE LIKE...

HANGING OUT.

ELIZABETH GUNDERSON AND ME?

NO, WE'RE JUST--

FRIENDS?

YEAH.

RIGHT.

NO, IT'S FINE,
BECAUSE WE HAD OUR THING,

AND IT WAS FUN...

UNTIL IT WASN'T ANYMORE,
RIGHT?

NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH,
IT'S BEST TO JUST KEEP GOING,

DON'T YOU THINK?

COME ON, WOULD YOU LISTEN
TO ME FOR A SEC?

AND TO MY BRIDE.

THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME

THAT SOCKS DON'T NEED
TO BE IRONED,

THAT ONE NEEDN'T EMPLOY
THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM

FOR THEIR CD COLLECTION,

AND THAT, IN THE END,

IT REALLY DOESN'T MAKE
A WHOLE LOT OF DIFFERENCE

WHETHER YOU START
THE TOILET PAPER

FACING UP OR DOWN...

DESPITE--DESPITE WHAT
MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME.

BECAUSE, ASHLEY,
YOU HAVE SHOWN ME

THAT LIFE
IS WORTH EMBRACING.

EVEN IF IT MEANS MAKING
A GIANT FOOL OF YOURSELF.

AND LUCKY FOR ME,

YOU'RE WILLING
TO MARRY THE GUY

WHO'S BEEN
THE BIGGEST FOOL OF ALL.

SO HERE'S TO A LIFETIME
OF BIG, MESSY,

WONDERFULLY
OUT-OF-ORDER MOMENTS

WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
IN THE WORLD--

MY BRIDE.

OH...

YOUR BIG SISTER IS
GETTING MARRIED IN 3 1/2 HOURS.

BUT YOU KNOW
IF YOU GET NERVOUS,

YOU CAN ALWAYS...

YOU REMEMBER THE SIGN.

OF COURSE. YOU TAUGHT IT
TO ME, REMEMBER?

SO, YOU KNOW. JUST...

LIKE THAT.
UH-HUH.

I'LL DO SOMETHING.
I'LL YELL, "FIRE!" OKAY?

OKAY.

OKAY.

AND WE'RE BACK
WITH THE BIG DOG OF SOFT ROCK.

WDYG, 94 FM.
"WE DIG THE DOG."

AND THIS IS DADDY DOG HIMSELF,
LEN MARTIN,

COMING TO YOU TODAY
ON A VERY SPECIAL DAY,

'CAUSE ONE OF MY
VERY OWN PUPPIES, THE ELDEST,

ASHLEY, IS GETTING MARRIED.

LORNA, HONEY,
ANY WORDS OF WISDOM

COMING FROM YOU,

MY VERY OWN NEWLYWED?

UH-HUH.

WATERPROOF MASCARA.

Len: I'M GONNA BORROW YOURS,

'CAUSE DADDY IS
GONNA BE WEEPING LIKE A BABY.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S KICK OFF
THIS POWER HOUR OF LOVE.

HALLEY?

HALLEY,

ARE YOU OUT THERE?
SECURITY!

HEY, GIVE ME--COME ON.
THIS IS MY JOB!

MY HALLEY?

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET YOU
TO LISTEN, BUT--

Lorna: LEN, LET HIM TALK.

JUST HEAR ME OUT.

UM...

I SUCK WITH WORDS.

BUT SOMETIMES,
WORDS AREN'T THE THING.

LOVE ISN'T ABOUT WORDS,
IT'S ABOUT WHAT YOU DO.

AND WHAT I DID...

RUNNING AWAY,
IT WAS STUPID.

WE BOTH KNOW LOVE'S
A BIG, SCARY, EVIL CONCEPT.

BUT IF YOU FEEL IT,

IT'S GONNA FOLLOW YOU AROUND
LIKE A HUNGRY DOG

NO MATTER HOW FAR YOU RUN.

WAIT. I DIDN'T MEAN
TO SAY LOVE'S A DOG,

I JUST MEAN...

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

I LOVE YOU, HALLEY.

IF LOVE BEATS US UP,

LET'S JUST BEAT IT UP
RIGHT BACK.

WE COULD DO THIS, HALLEY.

IF YOU'RE READY
TO MAKE THE JUMP,

I'LL BE RIGHT HERE
TO CATCH YOU.

AND WHAT A POWERFUL

POWER HOUR OF LOVE
IT HAS BEEN.

THIS IS LEN MARTIN
FOR WDYG,

THE BIG DOG
OF SOFT ROCK.

THAT'S RIGHT--
ROMANCE IS IN THE AIR.

IT'S EVERYWHERE
HERE TODAY, FOLKS.

AND THIS NEXT SONG IS GOING OUT
TO THAT YOUNG LADY IN QUESTION,

MISS HALLEY MARTIN
AND HER BIG SISTER ASHLEY,

'CAUSE DADDY LOVES YOU.

( Wild World
by Cat Stevens plays )

* LA-LA-LA-LA-LA,
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

* LA-LA-LA-LA-LA,
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

* LA-LA-LA-LA-LA,
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

* LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, MOM.

* NOW THAT I'VE LOST
EVERYTHING TO YOU *

I'M NOT TOO OLD
TO WEAR PINK?

NO.

* AND IT'S BREAKING MY HEART
YOU'RE LEAVING *

* BABY, I'M GRIEVING *

I LOOK LIKE
A GIANT HELIUM BALLOON.

COME ON.
WE HAVE TO GO.

* HOPE YOU HAVE A LOT
OF NICE THINGS TO WEAR *

I'M GONNA WALK OVER.

I'LL MEET YOU THERE.

* OOH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

* IT'S HARD TO GET BY
JUST UPON A SMILE *

* OOH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

* I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU
LOOKING LIKE A CHILD, GIRL *

* YOU KNOW I'VE SEEN A LOT
OF WHAT THE WORLD CAN DO *

* AND IT'S BREAKIN'
MY HEART IN TWO *

* BECAUSE I NEVER
WANNA SEE YOU SAD, GIRL *

* DON'T BE A BAD GIRL *

MACON!

* TAKE GOOD CARE *

OH!

( breathing heavily )

OH, MACON!

* AND BEWARE *

* WELL, OOH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

HALLEY!
LET'S GET HALLEY!

BACK SEAT.
I NEED TO LIE DOWN.

OH! OKAY...

* OOH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

( Wedding March plays )

Minister: PLEASE BE SEATED.

WE HAVE COME TOGETHER TODAY
TO JOIN IN HOLY MATRIMONY

ASHLEY RENEE MARTIN
AND LEWIS GIBSON WARSHER II.

IF ANY AMONG YOU
KNOW ANY REASON

WHY THIS COUPLE
MAY NOT LAWFULLY BE MARRIED,

DECLARE IT NOW
OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.

( congregation chuckles )

DO YOU, LEWIS, PROMISE TO LOVE,
HONOR, AND CHERISH ASHLEY

FROM THIS DAY FORWARD,
FOR RICHER OR FOR POORER,

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH,

FORSAKING ALL OTHERS
AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE?

( loudly )
I DO.

AND DO YOU, ASHLEY,

PROMISE TO LOVE,
HONOR, AND CHERISH LEWIS,

FOR RICHER OR FOR POORER,

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH,

FORSAKING ALL OTHERS
AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE?

I DO.

THE RINGS?

DEAR FRIENDS,

LET US ASK GOD
TO BLESS THESE RINGS

AS A SYMBOL
OF THEIR LOVE EVERLASTING.

Lewis: NO. NO,
THE OTHER FINGER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

ASHLEY, LEWIS...

( whispers )
She's having the baby.

Shh.
Please be quiet.

...AND HONOR TO DECLARE YOU
HUSBAND AND WIFE.

YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE.

( applause )

She's having
the baby...now.

Right now?

Scarlett's having the baby
right now. I have to go.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

SCARLETT'S HAVING
THE BABY.

BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
NO! NO!

SHIT!

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.

IT'S OKAY.
IT'S OKAY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE THE BABY!

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE THE BABY!

LEWIS--

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOU HAVE GOT
TO DO SOMETHING.

THAT WAS JUST
A DREADFUL SCENE IN THERE.

NOW THE SEATING ARRANGEMENT'S
GONNA BE A DISASTER.

ONE EMPTY SEAT
THROWS EVERYTHING OFF.

MOTHER, STOP IT. OKAY?

IT DOESN'T GET
ANY BETTER THAN THIS.

Halley: SQUEEZE MY HAND.
SQUEEZE MY HAND.

IT'S OKAY.
WE'RE GONNA GET THERE.

( screams )

I ASSUME DADDY WOULD LIKE
TO BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM?

UH, ME?
NO, NO. I--

BABY!

MOMMY!

SWEETIE!
HI, SWEETIE.

MOMMY, I NEED YOU.

I'M HER MOTHER.

MISS SMITH?

IT'S OKAY.
OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

DON'T LEAVE ME.

SO, DO YOU HATE ME?

NOT YOU, PER SE.

I HATE THE WAY YOUR HAIR
FALLS IN YOUR FACE.

AND I HATE
THE WAY YOUR VOICE

GETS REALLY LOW
WHEN YOU'RE SERIOUS.

AND I HATE THE WAY
YOU BITE YOUR BOTTOM LIP

WHEN YOU'RE NERVOUS.

AND THE WAY YOUR EYEBROW
GOES--( whistles )--LIKE THAT.

I HATE THAT.

SO, THAT'S IT?

YOU JUST HATE THE WAY
I WALK AND TALK AND LOOK.

NO.

THAT JEDI MIND TRICK THING?

I HATE THAT.

DON'T GIVE UP ON ME.

I'M NOT.

BUT YOU ARE GONNA REGRET
EVER HAVING MESSED UP.

'CAUSE I'M GONNA
MAKE YOU PAY FOR A LONG TIME.

BUT FIRST...

YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE
THREE STEPS TOWARDS ME.

**

AND YOU'RE GOING TO WRAP
YOUR ARMS AROUND MY WAIST...

AND ON THE COUNT OF THREE...

TWO...

* WHEN YOU DON'T
HAVE MUCH TO SAY *

* THAT'S WHEN I LOVE YOU *

* I LOVE YOU *

* JUST THAT WAY *

WE'RE GONNA DANCE.

MM-HM.

* WHEN YOU LAUGH
AT YOUR OWN JOKES *

* THAT'S WHEN I LOVE YOU *

* I LOVE YOU *

* MORE THAN YOU'LL KNOW *

* AND WHEN YOU FORGET
THAT WE HAD A DATE *

* THAT LOOK THAT YOU GIVE
WHEN YOU SHOW UP LATE *

* BABY, I LOVE YOU *

* I LOVE YOU ANYWAY *

* 'CAUSE HERE'S MY PROMISE
MADE TONIGHT *

* YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
FOR LIFE *

* 'CAUSE THAT'S
WHEN I LOVE YOU *

* WHEN NOTHING YOU DO
CAN CHANGE MY MIND *

* THE MORE I LEARN,
THE MORE I LOVE *

* THE MORE MY HEART
CAN'T GET ENOUGH *

* THAT'S WHEN I LOVE YOU *

* WHEN I LOVE YOU
NO MATTER WHAT *

* OH *

* OH *

* THAT'S WHEN I LOVE YOU *

* WHEN NOTHING, BABY *

* NOTHING YOU DO
CAN CHANGE MY MIND *

* THE MORE I LEARN,
THE MORE I LOVE *

* THE MORE MY HEART
CAN'T GET ENOUGH *

* THAT'S WHEN I LOVE YOU *

* WHEN I LOVE YOU
NO MATTER WHAT *

* OH *

* OH *

* NO MATTER WHAT *

* LA-LA-LA-LA,
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

* LA-LA-DA-DA,
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA *

* LA-LA-LA-LA,
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA *

* LA-DE-DA-DA-DA *

* YOU KNOW I'VE SEEN A LOT
OF WHAT THE WORLD CAN DO *

* AND IT'S BREAKIN'
MY HEART IN TWO *

* 'CAUSE I NEVER
WANNA SEE YOU SAD, GIRL *

* DON'T BE A BAD GIRL *

* IF YOU WANNA LEAVE,
TAKE GOOD CARE *

* HOPE YOU MAKE A LOT
OF NICE FRIENDS OUT THERE *

* BUT JUST REMEMBER THERE'S
A LOT OF BAD *

* AND BEWARE *

* OH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

* IT'S HARD TO GET BY
JUST UPON A SMILE *

* OOH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

* I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU
LIKE A CHILD, GIRL *

* LA-LA-LA-LA,
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *

* LA-LA-DA-DA,
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA *

* LA-DA-DA-DA,
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA *

* LA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA *

* IF YOU WANNA LEAVE,
TAKE GOOD CARE *

* HOPE YOU MAKE A LOT
OF NICE FRIENDS OUT THERE *

* BUT JUST REMEMBER THERE'S
A LOT OF BAD *

* AND BEWARE *

* OH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

* IT'S HARD TO GET BY
JUST UPON A SMILE *

* OH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

* I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU
LIKE A CHILD, GIRL *

* OH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

* OH, BABY, BABY,
IT'S A WILD WORLD *

* TA-DA-DA-DA-DA,
TA-DA-DA *

* TA-DA-DA-DA-DA *

* TA-DA-DA-DA-DA *

* TA-DA-DA-DA-DA *

* DO-DA-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA,
DO-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA-DA *

* DA-DA-DA-DA *

* MM, HM, MM, HM, *

* MM, HM, MM *

* DA-DA-DE-DE-DE *

* OH-HO *

( continues scatting )

* HERE'S THE THINGS
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT, SILLY BOY *

* YOU'RE OFTEN THOUGHT ABOUT
IN WAVES *

* THE SUN IS SETTING
ON MY SIDE *

* IT'S ALL RIGHT UNLESS
IT'S GONE AWAY FOR GOOD *

* BUT IT'S SO HARD *

* WATCHING YOU FADE AWAY *

* AND IT'S TOO HARD *

* WATCHING YOU FADE AWAY *

* THESE ARE THE WAVES
THAT I TALKED ABOUT, SILLY BOY *

* DON'T YOU FORGET
ABOUT WHAT I HAVE SAID *

* THESE ARE WAVES
THAT I TALKED ABOUT, SILLY BOY *

* DON'T YOU FORGET
ABOUT WHAT I HAVE SAID *

* IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD *

* IT'S SO HARD *

* WATCHING YOU FADE AWAY *

* AND IT'S TOO HARD *

* WATCHING YOU FADE AWAY *

* THESE ARE THE WAVES
THAT I TALKED ABOUT, SILLY BOY *

* DON'T YOU FORGET
ABOUT WHAT I HAVE SAID *

* IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD **