All language subtitles for 879879879879879

I felt the cry in his voice.

I felt the cry.

I felt the joy and I felt the pain.

"My name is Georgios
Kyriacos Panayiotou"...

that's how it's said. - Wonderful.

"Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou.

"To the outside world, I am and
always will be known as

"something else, but it's not
my name. As a boy..."

- I haven't read this for ages.
- I know.

"As a boy, my biggest fear was what
my huge ambitions would stay just

"out of reach of the child that
I saw in the mirror

"so I created a man in
the image of a great friend

"that the world could love
if they chose to.

"Someone who could realise my dreams
and make me a star."

Basically we've been friends
since we were 12 years old,

and, er, when we eventually got

a recording contract, we didn't
see any reason to, er,

to bring anyone else in.

We thought the image would be very
good. Two friends, you know.

Is it true that you were unemployed
before you were successful?

- Yeah, we were both on the dole.
- Both on the dole.

A friend of mine, Mark Dean,

had just launched a label
called Innervision

and he decided to sign his mum's
next-door neighbour.

He was already struck by
George's star quality

because when he'd signed
to Innervision, George went

for holiday immediately in
Greece for two weeks

but flew back in the middle of it
to get his hair cut!

And Mark thought that was
so over the top and so superstarry.

It was not a good deal.

With young artists, one of the things

I say to them in that jubilant
moment when they sign their first

contract is, "All you've done is
get into the casino.

"You haven't even started
playing the tables."

The actual demo tape that got us

the contract was about four minutes
long, and, er,

it was just... We did it
for £20 in Andrew's front room.

I first met George when he was
an unknown teenager.

Erm, I met him at a small

gay disco above a pub by Manor House
Tube Station in North London.

He was a great dancer.

He'd just sing along to all the songs

with a very good voice.
I remember him telling me,

"One day I'm gonna be a pop star."

I thought to myself, "Well, maybe."

# Wham! Bam!

# I am a man!

# Job or no job

# You can't tell me that I'm not #

Two cute, gorgeous bubbly boys

and those voices together,

the harmonies.

They were box-fresh,
minty clean, wholesome but sexy.

They just had everything from the go.

They were happy and poppy,

but had a little bit more sustenance.

I think I liked Wham in the very beginning

because of the stuff I read
about them having

a social conscience
and venting about being on the dole,

and that appealed to me so much more

than them just being pop artists.

They were just the sort
of perfect pop package,

and really smart as well.

That kind of intelligence
kind of billowed off them,

but they didn't make an issue of it.

That was the kind of clever thing
about George -

the intelligence was sort of there,

but he didn't really care if you
noticed it or not.

He was just looking
to wow you as a pop star.

Pop became a very dirty word in England

for a good four or five years. Erm,

but it's definitely, er,

it's definitely
the music of '83 in England.

You know, when George looked at Andrew,

that was Wham as far as he was concerned.

I actually thought Andrew was
the key figure

because he was more confident,
he looked good,

and he wasn't wearing a string vest.

People would say to George,
"You're the songwriter,

"you're the singer,
well, what does Andrew do?"

Andrew was the kind of look,
the essence of it.

I just remember being, you know,
immediately struck

by their bonhomie, you know. They
were incredibly easy to be around.

You know, they were funny
and they were bright.

I mean, they were 18 years of age.

George's father was Greek, Greek Cypriot.

When you grow up in England

but your parents aren't English, or
at least in this case one

of your parents isn't English,
the predominant pop cultural form

of your time is what you will turn to,

to find out who you are.
And pop is more often than not

the engine of that realisation.

It tells you what you are.
And Top Of The Pops,

I mean, Top Of The Pops,
for someone like George, was

a news programme. It wasn't just an
entertainment programme.

It was where you got your news from.

It wasn't cool, it wasn't hip,

but as far as young people were
concerned, it was

the centre of the universe.

And it hit 15, 16, 17 million every week.

Who's in, who's out, who's top,

who's bottom, and who we
need to care about.

And that was how we talked about it
in the playground.

Good evening, welcome to Top Of The Pops.

A load of firsts tonight -
it's the first chart of November,

it's my first Top Of The Pops,

and it's THEIR first
Top Of The Pops. Wham!

The debut was very important cos

a debut was how you sort
of announced yourself to

the world. And some artists came
across as quite naive,

quite overwhelmed,
like they hadn't thought it through.

And then there were other artists
that had clearly... Knew all about

cameras and about red lights

and where to look when there was
a red light on,

and George had that down to a T.

George was like a scholar of how to
carry yourself on television.

# Well, I hadn't
seen your face around town a while

# So I greeted you with a knowing smile

# When I saw that girl upon your arm

# I knew she'd won your heart
with a fatal charm

I said, "Soul Boy, let's hit the town"...

They had their routines,
they had the girls,

they had each other, of course,

and they were clearly going to be stars.

Right, now, I'm here in
the middle of the nearest

to mass hysteria I've ever been in any way.

Last week I was an unknown, and
suddenly I've got all these girls

around me. Anyway, I hear apparently
you're in the process of trying

to change your record company or something?

Well, there's a lot of legal
difficulties we're having

at the moment, erm, which is why we
haven't got a single out at

the moment, which is a shame.

They had big hit records early on as Wham!

but these were dance records
sold on 12-inch vinyl.

They didn't get a royalty for this.

It's very easy to say that we were
all naive

and didn't know what we were doing,

but, you know, they had lawyers,
I had lawyers,

erm, so I don't know really.

Basically, he knew what he was doing
when he went to

the business just that much
more than we did at first,

a considerable amount more,
because he'd been in

the business for four or five years.

All the records they were selling,

they were absolutely making zero money for.

They needed money to get out of
the Innervision contract.

The plan was then going on tour
and creating Wham-mania.

I went to see them at Hammersmith
Odeon where both Andrew

and George were putting shuttlecocks
down their shorts

and then batting them out
into the audience, which

seemed pretty gross to me at the time!

I must have been one of
the only 12-year-old boys there.

I was there with my sister.

I must have seen thousands of gigs,

but that one I remember where I was
standing, looking up at the stage,

and just watching this ridiculous
kind of, erm,

cabaret happening onstage!

Fila sponsored the tour and
George and Andrew took,

you know, great perverse fun at
Whitley Bay Ice Rink, which was

the coldest venue this side of, you know,

the Arctic Circle. And
I remember having jeans on

and a chunky jumper, and George going,

"You're not going on like that."
I said,

"What are you talking about?
It's freezing out there."

"No, Gary, we've got a deal with Fila.

"You've got to put the shorts on
and the T-shirt." "What?!"

Actually the joke was on George

because halfway through the tour, he was

the one who ended up in bed
with bronchitis.

How are you actually feeling now?

Er, on the mend, definitely on the mend.

Er, the voice is still not quite back yet,

but I feel fine otherwise really.

He's better now, though, isn't he?

During the tour, you started
to hear this word Wham-mania.

On the front pages of
the newspapers this was splashed,

and you saw the tension build

and the excitement as they
conquered the country.

This was excellent

because it would provide money
to fight the court case.

Innervision, they were a subsidiary of CBS

and so the plan was to force CBS
to keep Wham!

and say cheerio to Innervision.

I think Mark Dean had
an amazing eye and ear for talent,

and he correctly spotted
George's potential.

I think one can feel
a little bit sorry for Mark Dean

because he did provide great
initial impetus.

A very self-determined young man,

totally in control of what he wanted to do.

George was pretty ruthless
and knew what he wanted, and

Mark provided the stepping stone for him.

# Wake me up before you go-go

# Don't leave me hanging on...

They moved from something overtly political

to something far more hedonistic.

# I don't wanna miss it when
you hit that high

It was as though they had received
Thatcher's memo that your money is

to be made and enjoyed.

I thought, "This has got to be
number one, and it was."

# ..before you go-go, ah

# Take me dancing tonight #

I remember talking to Ray Parker
Junior in his studio in Los Angeles

and he was saying,
"Guilty feet have got no rhythm.

"Damn, that's a good line!"

If you're obsessed with pop,

if you're buying those records,

your whole life is an apprenticeship
for those moments when

a Careless Whisper lands into your head.

I can just remember being

a songwriter in Germany hearing
Careless Whisper for

the first time on Armed Forces radio.

And I remember thinking, "How can a guy,

"you know, so young, write something
so beautiful and mature?"

It was so, like, it was so
elegant and mature

and so full of... of some kind of

French boulevardier,

his vision of life like Aznavour
and these guys who've seen life

and they're kind of even a bit,
you know, the schadenfreude

is, like, just overwhelming.
Like, who the fuck are you,

that you're a teenager

and you're writing things like
Careless Whisper?

The answer was that George,
despite having written

a pop masterpiece, was just
a teenager having teenage fun.

Sarah Jane Barker's on the line.
Hello, Sarah Jane Barker.

- Hello. - Hello. - Hello.
- They're all yours.

George Michael, please.

What things make you angry
and how do you show it?

What things make me angry? - Angry.

And how... I could slam
the phone down! - I may say...

Oh, I make George angry.

Andrew makes me angry, yeah.
And how do I show it?

Well, I make the occasional
solo record and say, like,

"You're gonna act that way, geezer,
I'm off!"

I just like the fact that on
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,

he actually sings "I'm not planning
on going solo"

and then the next record's a solo record.

We've got a new single coming out
off the album, it's a brand-new one.

Great.

Called Last Christmas.

# Last Christmas I gave you...

Sleigh bells and everything
actually. - Oh, really?

# Duh-duh-duh-duh And the cover is amazing.

You've never seen us look
so stupid in your life!

# This year, to save me from tears...

The lyrics were so clever and, you
know, it might have been about

teenage angst and it didn't matter
what age you were at,

whether you were going through it
yourself or whether you'd been

through it, you could relate
to what they were saying.

So, you'd see the video for Last Christmas,

and it would just be so plaintive
and so painful and so brilliant.

Of course, Last Christmas is

the best-selling number two of all time

because it kept out of number
one by Band Aid.

Last Christmas is a song that is
obviously gonna snare

the mums and dads and the grans
and the kids and stuff,

but of course, on the flip side,

you've got this
song like Everything She Wants.

# Somebody told me

# "Boy, everything she wants is
everything she sees"

Those lyrics are painful, painful,

you... It just gives you
a physical reaction to it.

It was kind of ostensibly about a girl

but actually it was also
a metaphor for capitalism

and the way capitalism works
in the modern world.

So, why not become the capitalist
world's representative of youth

culture and go to communist China?

And take along a world-famous film
director with you,

Lindsay Anderson, and make a film of it.

I thought it was quite an inspired
choice, I've got to be honest.

You know, Lindsay very left-wing
film-maker,

you know, a pop band
going to China, first time,

you know, closed borders,

terrified of the Western world
kind of thing.

But we were dealing with a country
that had never seen this before.

They just brought everything in from
the airport on flat-bed trucks.

If it had rained that day,
we'd never have played China.

# Everything you want,
and everything you see

# Is out of reach, not good enough

The audiences was extraordinary
cos they weren't allowed to clap.

They weren't allowed really to respond.

They're not allowed to shake,
scream or make any kind...

and there are guards at all the tiers,

all the way round the auditorium.

The police were trying to contain

the crowds, telling them not to stand up.

The Chinese audience were pretty
well behaved,

but the foreigners in
the audience were going crazy.

They were all up dancing.
The speakers were so loud -

boom, boom, boom.

Our Chinese concerts were never that loud.

My heart was jumping out of my chest.

It was very obvious that they
actually wanted very much,

erm, to be able to appreciate what
we were doing

even though there was
no precedence for them,

and even though they obviously
had no idea of how

to react to a concert,
erm, a Western concert.

That was a kind of seminal moment.

I think what Wham! in China did
was mark them out

as different from the crowd.

Motown returns to the Apollo!

And starring Debbie Allen,

Tempestt Bledsoe, Lisa Bonet,

Keshia Knight Pulliam,

Patty LaBelle, Little Richard,
the Manhattans,

Marilyn McCoo, George Michael of Wham!

It was the idea of doing something
spontaneously as we did then.

Maybe he felt a little... maybe
nervous, er,

and I just told him, "Don't tense
up, it's all good."

You know, and we could.

# Hate's goin' round

You know he had a great voice.

It was fun, we just, you know,

we said,
"Let's just have a good time."

So don't go away!

He was having hair extensions put in
for this Different Corner shoot.

I just remember looking at him
and thinking, you know,

"Why are you so sad

"when everything's going so well?"
You know.

I mean, you've just had
an album which is getting on

to sell 20 odd million records in a year,

and none of that success at
this point seemed

to be making him to any degree happy.

# Take me back in time, maybe I can forget

# Turn a different corner and we
never would have met

# Would you care?

A Different Corner is
the first time where you can feel

the sexuality of the man,

not just as a subtext but as the
context of everything he's doing.

It certainly felt as though we were
being given access

to another side of him completely.

It's clearly the work of a confused person.

It's heartfelt
and you want to help this guy.

It's a beautiful song which
you can read about

a man absolutely fighting
the tenets of his...

the central tenets of his sexuality.

Forget the composition,

just the way he presented that
super-confident, brave song.

He used the image

to focus people's attention more
by reducing it,

by making it simpler,

by making it more austere, if you like.

More like a Rembrandt late self-portrait,

so that you only focus on
the sound of his voice

and the words that he's singing.

Shortly after A Different Corner was
released, George announces the end

of Wham! and a huge concert at
Wembley Stadium, the final.

These three amazing dancers -
very sassy, all dressed in black,

and George is the middle one.
No sign of Andrew.

He's gonna do that thing
and he's gonna do it on his own.

It struck me that this wasn't
Wham's last gig,

this was George's first as a solo artist.

# Yeah, yeah #

She's the best, quite simply
she's the best.

And when Aretha turned up in the limousine,

she had just come from her
fear of flying course.

She had an abject fear of planes.

She was trying to get round it,
and that day they'd reached

the stage where you go hurtling
down the runway

but you don't actually lift off.

So she was kind of nervous
having come through that.

The pair of them just hit it off instantly.

You can hear it on the song,
the ad-libbing.

It just worked out very well.

The Aretha video, shot in Detroit,

George and I flew to Detroit

and we went to a studio which
had been booked.

Aretha arrived with 30 people

and six limos, basically.

And the interesting thing is people
think it was shot in different

places because the shots of him

and Aretha don't quite look like
they're together, and they were.

And what we found was that
Aretha wouldn't look at

George when they were singing.
She'd only look at her entourage.

# A bridge that's on fire

So, for her to get kind of eye-lined
to George, we used

to have to move her entourage

all the way along
the street behind his shoulder

so it looked like she was singing to him.

Any artist who wants to have
a career in music

has to have a public image, and it has

to be separate from your
private self, otherwise

destruction is lurking on the way.

It started with the styling. So
the jacket, and then I found

the guitar at this pawn shop.

He had a stylist in
LA that he didn't like and Mel -

his sister - and I went down Melrose

and found most of that stuff in
Leathers and Treasures,

and there was a jacket
with "revenge" on the back,

and then he put his pearls on,
you know, which was his kind of

secret sign of his sexuality.

The public image has
to have its roots in truth.

So it has to be some aspect
of yourself that is true

but then you are performing that person.

# Sex is natural, sex is good

# Not everybody does it,
but everybody should

# Sex is natural, sex is fun

# Sex is best when it's one on one

I honestly can't think of really

a more tasteless verse than,

"Sex is natural, sex is good,

"not everybody does it,
but everybody should."

I mean that would rank really as one
of the most banal and trite

three lines in rock and roll.
- How...? I don't think it's trite.

How many people have you met in your
life that you think are better

for not having sex?
If you think about it,

sex is natural, sex is good,
nobody does it,

but everything should. I genuinely
believe it, I think sex is a natural

part of life. I didn't say, "Have it
now," or, "Have it when you're 12,"

or, "Have it when you're 14." I
said everybody should have sex.

I'm not gonna sit and think,
"Well, they wouldn't

"fancy me if I wasn't a pop star or
if I wasn't a singer,

"if I wasn't rich." Because I am
all those things, you know.

Once you create a persona
for yourself in public

for your career that's separate from
your private persona,

then you blow it up to
cartoon-like proportions.

# Cos I gotta have faith

# Mm, I gotta have faith

# Because I gotta have faith, faith, faith

# I got to have faith, faith, faith

Faith, I like that.

# I got to have faith, faith, faith

You take some music
and put an image with it, OK.

Take some music and put what George
Michael did with Faith to it,

wow, you know, then it becomes
a work of art.

And it is its own commercial masterpiece.

He was the only British artist who
was competing at that level.

When the Faith tour came along, that was on

George's shoulders completely,
there was no Andrew any more.

So, George definitely ramped his game up.

He decided he wanted Americans in the band.

So we trundled off
to New York to get musicians

and then LA, and then we got a bass player

and a guitar player
and a background vocalist from there

and that then became the band.
And I remember

the sound check when he suddenly

realised that he had musicians behind him,

and we weren't machines.
I could see it turn in his head,

"I've got real musicians here,"
and then that's how we got

to do Stevie Wonder covers cos he
suddenly realised that he had people

that could actually play that stuff,
you know.

He knew that this was all on him,

and he was far more involved in
the planning stages.

George always wanted the record live,

cos I made that mistake on
Faith - rehearsing with

the American band and putting a
little extra guitar here

and a little bit...

He was not pleased when he heard it.

He wanted everything absolutely

the same, and every night.

He was far more aware of what was going on

and how this thing was building
towards what ended up being

the biggest world tour in 1988.

Faith had this incredibly long run
at number one in

the States, won the Grammy and so forth,

and produced five number ones,
I believe. Er, incredible.

- George Michael! - George Michael!
- George... Michael!

He came down into the lobby
of the Bel Age Hotel,

and George had the ripped jeans thing down,

you know? Long before it
became fashionable.

He had this sense.

George had this sense
of what was gonna be cool.

And he walked down into
the Lobby of the Bel Age

with these ripped jeans on
and I went, "Listen, mate,

"you know, we're just sort
of breaking here in America.

"This is a pretty cool restaurant,

"and there's a dress code
down there."

And he said,
"Listen, come with me," he said.

"I'll show you why a dress code
doesn't matter

"when you're George Michael."

And hey, we got out the limousine.

When George put his leg out
the limousine, I could see

the security guy at
the door looking at his jeans,

going, "Oh, he's going nowhere!"

But then George followed his legs
out the limousine

and the doors just flew open.
You know? Best table in the house.

He was suddenly a world superstar,

and I think that scared the life out of him

because Faith had made him such
a... You know, he was such

a strong image and the record
company wanted to

turn him into this celebrity.

That was the kind of period when he
just didn't wanna be seen by anyone,

you know. He was upset that he was
mobbed when he came off

a plane from LA or somewhere.

And he had a cowboy hat on,

a pointed cowboy,
he had all the Faith gear on.

And I said, "Well, why don't you
dress down a bit?" You know.

The problem is once you are
seen in that light,

once you have... once they realise
the money in you

and they see that you are a golden goose,

the complete focus becomes about that.

They were trying to control him

and, you know, keep him doing promo
all around America

for months and months and months.

And, you know, being on every TV
show and chat show and...

Are you gay? - Am I gay?

That's a pretty direct first question!

Although pop is all about theatre

and performance, it has to have
an authentic core.

No, I'm not.

There was mismatch between what

George was presenting and who he was.

But the main, the main, er,
thing I like to express is that

I don't think it's anybody's business.

Most people seriously underestimate

what that kind of pressure is like,

that goldfish bowl existence.

Cos what I'm saying is I don't think
it benefits anybody listening to my

music to know whether or not I was
in bed with a dog

or a man or a woman last night.

You know, it doesn't make any difference.

Life seemed to be getting very
difficult for him.

The way he marketed himself,

he made a rod for his own back.

So, the question about George is
that having created this passion

play, having created this conundrum,

how the fuck do I get out of it now?

He was the most successful
recording star in the world,

but he was basically unhappy.

If I use the analogy of American baseball,

you're no longer able
to hit really cool singles and

doubles any more. Everything had
to be a home run or grass them out

the park, and there was no...
there was no visceral

width to the situation any more.

This is the moment that he turns
from being a...

a Janet, or, you know,

a megastar on the global stage

to being one of the most serious

and interesting songwriters
of his generation.

He does this meditative,

sad, hopeful,

beautiful suite of songs.

The music usually came first. Erm,

so we would construct some parts of

the song, and that may be
constructed with just George

and a drum machine
and some basic keyboards.

George needed the focus of
the songs to be on his voice.

George wasn't a fantastic
musician. However,

what he was able to do,

he could hear that music

and he would take quite
a bit of time to work out how

to actually play that music.

And he was using incredibly
expensive studios as almost like

demo writing sketchbooks.

The drum track is this -
hopefully it should come up now.

He particularly hated cymbals and tom-toms.

So, the music became very simple.
Everything had

to be in his earphones
as he was singing it.

So, he'd say, "Now, the reverb
is still not bright enough yet.

"Make it brighter, make it longer.

"Make those S's and T's last longer.

"I need every one
to disappear into the distance."

And he needed that part of the process

to be right before he could move on.

And he would then start to write words in

the studio, sitting in front of
the microphone.

And just build it up line by line.

Singing them, see how they sound,
recording them.

"No, it doesn't sound right," change it.

It's like an artist with a brush and a...

"No, that line's not right."
Get rid of that line

and try this new line cos it's
got more impact,

it's rhythmically better, it sounds better,

the consonants are better.
Well, let's say, erm,

Praying For Time, for instance.

If you go to a song like Praying for Time,

we had a band to record the rhythm track.

He sang the lyrics as they came
into his head.

It was a way of working that
I'd never, ever seen before.

There was never any lyrics
written down, ever at all.

And he changed the lyrics as we
were recording.

Praying for Time is his masterpiece.

A real anthem against poverty
and injustice.

There comes a point where you have

to write something which you have
not written before

and which you're interest, erm, your
interest in any particular topic

or subject will inspire you, and that's why

I suppose eventually most lyricists do

approach wider topics than sex and love.

You can listen to Praying For Time,

and it's completely consistent

with this kind of character

who is trying to be worthy of his
fame and what's happened to him.

What is my fame good for?
How's it made things better for me?

He understands that really art
gets reinvented

in the heart and the soul of
the person experiencing it.

Every personal experience is
slightly different,

and that's quite important to preserve.

The best pop songs are like
Rorschach tests,

like the ink blot tests
that psychologists give

to patients, where they see in those
shapes whatever it is that's going

on for them. And in a way, pop
stars are like Rorschach tests too.

People project onto them
the person they want to see,

and when they become devoted to
a particular artist, it's

because they perceive in that artist
something that they're

missing in their own lives.

I don't believe that
I am important as a pop star.

I don't think that there are many
people that are important as

pop stars in
the sense that they used to be.

I don't believe that I will leave
a great mark as a, er,

as an entity. You know? I want to
leave something as a writer.

At the centre of this beautiful
suite of songs is a song,

Freedom 90, which is about him
shedding his Faith image

and shedding his fame skin.

# All we have to do now

# Is take these lies

# And make them true somehow

# All we have to see

# Is that I don't belong to you

# And you don't belong to me, yeah, yeah

Then suddenly it's about artistic
reach being everything.

They burn the Faith leather jacket
in a closet.

You could not get anything any more
symbolic than that.

You know he was saying,
you know, "I wasn't that.

"I'm not that George Michael that
was in Faith any more."

But I never wanted to be someone else.

I wanted to be a star,
and I wanted people to love me

and recognise me in the street.
As a child that was what I wanted,

but I never really wanted
to be someone else.

But you don't have that many
supermodels in your videos

unless you want attention.

Fame is the worst drug of all.

I've seen it destroy people.

There is no drug human beings
will ever come in contact with

as powerfully narcotic as fame.

To be there and then down to be here

is, for some of them, more painful
than any drug addiction.

They dynamic is, "Yeah,
I wanna be famous, I love fame,

"I like the attention."

On the other hand, "Don't disturb
me, I'm a private person,

"I wanna close the doors, I don't
want paps outside my house.

"I don't want people
investigating this."

It seems to me there's always a paradox,

what Jung called the tension of opposites.

He loved fame and hated it.

He loved the media and hated it.

He loved music but also hated the system.

So, there's the paradox.

On the one hand, what you long
for is anonymity

and your individualism and your privacy

in a public space.
And on the other hand,

you're required to play the game.

And to keep up appearances,
and to put on a show from

the moment you get out of your front door.

It is true, yes, when you put
yourself out there as

a performer, then you know your
life belongs to the public.

But your soul belongs to God.

When he was at his most happiest
was, I would say, after Rock in Rio.

# All we have to do now

He was fantastic!

# Is take these lies and
make them true somehow

# All we have to see... #

He met the man who was
going to be the love of his life,

Anselmo Feleppa.

He was so happy, he was a joy to work with.

The sense of humour.

Anselmo was a great bloke
who'd come to the gigs,

sitting with the band and have a
couple of beers with everybody.

We assumed that was George's partner

but he never introduced Anselmo
at all in that way.

Anselmo was great to have around.

We all knew.

You're amongst friends,
it's fine. Not a problem.

But for him, psychologically,
there was a problem.

He then had the conflict

of not being able
to tell anyone about this.

Cypriot culture around sexuality is
very... it's, you know,

it was, "Oh, you'll bring shame
upon the family."

Since he came from an immigrant family,

and I had come from an immigrant
family in America, I then felt

quite a bit of empathy for him of
the torture for coming out for him.

It's a very difficult childhood.

Father, a Greek immigrant, which
wouldn't have been easy,

worked incredibly hard.

Disappointed having two daughters
to start with.

Er, George came along - thrilled, but, erm,

George wasn't the son he wanted.

As soon as a boy realises he's
a disappointment

to his father,
there's such a crushing feeling.

It's like a cold hand gripping the heart.

Jack wasn't a bad man.

He grew up himself with his Greek
patriarchal ideas that, you know,

the son follows the father.

And his business by this time
was successful,

and of course, in that high
expectation and traditional way,

he'd expected George to go into
the business.

I spent my whole childhood
between seven and about, well,

really until the day that I got my
record contract having rows

with my parents and specifically my father.

And during family rows he would
escape to his bedroom.

Erm, he lived a fantasy life.

The experience of not being loved,

not being properly seen
had tended to validate it,

is traumatic as well.

When you're troubled or you've had trauma,

a way of dealing with it is
to sort of reinvent yourself,

is to create a number
of personas over the years,

try them out for size.

It helps you push back the bad stuff.

I knew Master George struggled
within his life as I did.

I was just looking for my father to say,

"I respect you, I respect your way."

A lot of creative artists are

initially driven in their childhood

by a bad relationship with their father.

It's later in life that they come
to realise that that bad

relationship has led to their creativity.

Trying to become famous is
a way of getting validation

for yourself as a person

that you don't feel in a personal way

because you feel you're kind of, you are

the person your parents warned you against.

But if you can get lots of people
to love you on a stage,

that will kind of make up for it
and validate you

and make you a worthwhile person.

If they find the love that they
were seeking from

the crowd in an individual
who'll nourish them

and give them that support
and love and validation,

then something interesting can
happen in their career.

For the first time,
George was really, really happy.

They'd spent time at George's
fabulous home in California.

Anselmo travelled with him for concerts

and that sort of thing.

But tragedy struck.

There is now a danger that has
become a threat to us all.

It is a deadly disease
and there is no known cure.

The virus can be passed during
sexual intercourse with

an infected person.
Anyone can get it, man or woman.

Anselmo was diagnosed HIV positive.

For the man who once sang,

you know, "Wise guys realise
there's danger in emotional ties,"

I mean, my God,

because of a disease that there's
no cure for at that point,

you probably are.
I think I knew, I was canny,

that was my insurance policy
against this heartache.

The rock group Queen said tonight
they were planning

a big musical event dedicated
to their lead singer,

Freddie Mercury, who died last
night of Aids.

George, knowing that his great love
was seriously ill

and might not survive,

had to go onstage and be George Michael.

That's a performance you've been
rehearsing your whole life for.

But knowing Anselmo was there,

he wasn't just performing it,
he was living it.

How he had the nerve to just pull
off such a moment of perfection.

# Can anybody find me

# Somebody to...

Come on!

# Love.

Anselmo died, and George wrote
his mum and dad

a letter explaining what had
happened to him.

And of course,
his mum was absolutely horrified

that he'd gone through all this
without her knowing.

And his dad responded also in a
very sympathetic way.

It's a ridiculous situation to sign
a contract when you're 18 years old

and be held to it for your entire
professional career.

I am bound to a very old contract.

The end result is that I'm still
a very wealthy man, so really

I can understand people thinking,
"He should shut his mouth."

But the principal is wrong.

George reacted to Anselmo's death
with anger.

There was an allegation at this time
that one of

the executives at Sony had described
George Michael as a faggot.

When this got back to George,

he told his lawyers that come what may,

the arrangement had to come to an end.

The copyright belongs to
the record company.

They have loaned the artist
the money to make

the recording.
If an artist repays all those loans

and the cost of production has
been paid off,

the copyright doesn't return to the artist.

I think that's what upsets artists
the most,

is the fact that they've made the records,

and especially true artists,

they've kind of put their heart
and soul into it.

They've actually made a person investment

into the record, and to find that
then somebody can lock it away.

Imagine you go to the bank
and borrow money to buy a house,

and you place the deeds of
the house in the bank's vault.

You pay the mortgage
and the bank keeps the deeds

and continues to own the house.

There isn't one other industry

that operates on this basis.

The music business uses you,
so you're allowed to use it back.

The lawyers often were on both sides
of the fence.

The lawyers were often representing

a lot of the senior executives in

the record company as well as
representing the artist.

Label bosses and label heads of A&R

have got just as big egos as artists

but they haven't got
the release of all the glory.

So they very often are
quite hard on artists.

This is one industry which has
been getting away with

the kind of stuff that the film industry

and the sports industry
and the publishing industry

and just about every other industry
has had to address.

You know, the right of
the individual, the freedom of

the individual has been obtained in
just about every other industry.

After three days, I knew it was a no-go.

Just look at the judge.

The judge was a property lawyer.

As far as he's concerned, Sony had
a piece of property.

The judge who's trying him,

he's seen a guy complaining about
the nuances of a life

of a very beautiful young superstar,

a very wealthy superstar. And I
remember thinking at some point

that that wasn't gonna play well.

A terrible time
of life that was, getting through

a three-month lawsuit when
you know you haven't got

a hope in hell of winning.

I am shocked and extremely disappointed

at the judgment of Mr Justice Parker.

When Mr Justice Parker
sent down his judgment,

the clue is in the first paragraph,

because he refers
to George being a wealthy man.

I think we all realised, erm,

that he had made
so much money that it seemed

a bit churlish to be splitting
the difference over

a contract. On the one hand,

we'd heard how grown up he was
and how independent

and how self-assured,

and yet we were being told
that he was some kind of

little patsy being played around
with by the record company.

The perception was that
the men in the suits

and the record executives
that came over from

New York were serious businessmen,

and this was a whiney recording artist

who had made lots of money and wanted more.

Even though I both created
and paid for my work,

I will never own it
or have any rights over it.

There is no such thing as
resignation for an artist

in the music industry.

And peppered throughout
the judgment, he refers to

the amount of money George has made.

At one point echoing
a statement made by Sony.

George Michael was going from being
excessively overpaid

to being grossly excessively overpaid.

When you get into court,

you know, it's a pretty
vicious, dirty place.

Litigation is hideous.

It's exhausting,
its unbelievably stressful.

For an artist to voluntarily do
that, it's a real tribute

to the strength of their feeling.

They do understand how important
it is for us to create,

and they will always have that
particular leverage.

You have to face yourself and say,
"What's more important to me?"

Is it going further in this fight,
or is it getting back

and just writing songs and making music?

You're not just fighting for yourself,

you're fighting for
a greater sense of what could make

the industry also greater.
Because it was not necessarily

an industry that's ever embraced

change, even when that change
has been clearly to its benefit.

All I know is, in this situation,

I can only move up from that position.

I mean, I've lost everything
in terms of, erm,

what I tried to achieve with this action.

Well, what happens now, then?

Well...

What about if they said, "George,
we'll release you absolutely,

"we're not even gonna ask for any
transfer fee as long as just as

"a parting gift you give us one
final album"?

I couldn't do that.

He knew he was gonna lose.

He knew it, he was a realist
in things like that.

But, as he said, you know,
"OK, so we'll lose,

"they win the lawsuit."

I'll never make a record for them again

and when I do, somebody else
will pay the legal fees.

The legendary music mogul
David Geffen went to Sony

and said, "Look, George is never
gonna record for you again.

"Why don't you sell his contract to
me, then at least you're covered,

"and we can all move forward?"

# Kindness

# In your eyes, I guess

# You heard me cry

# You smiled at me

# Like Jesus to a child... #

We were in the studio and George
is beginning to write the lyrics

to Jesus To A Child.

They're coming at me,

with this gorgeous Latin music,

and it is heart breaking.

What I liked about George's voice

were songs that were talking about

you know, painful situations,

and I felt the pain.

When he suffered the loss of Anselmo dying

is when the very personal songs
started to surface

because he'd had his validation,

he'd lost his validation

and there was nothing else to do
but tell the truth.

With all that George again had gone
through,

a grieving process with Anselmo,
and what Pray To Me,

like, turning up on this record,

I just turned up as a 25-year-old kid

just full of positivity
and anything was possible.

George just had a unique tongue.

I can't understand the magic of it,

but some people have just got
a tongue that just works,

it just goes into your ears,
and it works in your brain,

it goes down to your heart or
wherever else in your body,

it just is a lovely thing to listen to.

# Five o'clock in the morning
You ain't home

# Can't help thinking that's strange

# Yeah, yeah

# Baby, I just want you to know

# I won't go through it again... #

Spinning the Wheel is an absolute
masterwork about safe sex.

These are incredible songs.

These are songs that nobody
else was writing, music like that,

with that subject matter, at that time,

and this is where he's starting
to present himself

as a documenter
of gay men's interior lives.

When I first met him,
George hadn't even come out,

so even that was very much
of a kind of secret.

There'd be stuff about lyrics
and I think I was such a fan,

I didn't ever wanna ask him
to kind of spoil all that illusion

which is bizarre, even songs that
I've kind of written with him.

When Fast Love came along
I just thought it was one of

the best records I'd ever heard.

Fast Love on his original demo
was like a Latin kind of ballad,

it was like a salsa,
very chilled out kind of thing,

and I just put on my disco pants.

George had this way
of giving you something that created

a particular dialogue
between your hips and your heart,

but also your head.

We spent about three months on it
and I thought,

"That's it, it done,
it sounds great."

He comes in, he's like, "I want the
track to turn into Forget Me Nots"

I was like,
"What? What you talking about?"

# I miss my baby

# Forget me nots... #

Like all things, George would say
stuff and you'd kind of be like,

"It's just a terrible idea,"
and you'd do it,

and it was an absolutely brilliant idea.

# Searching for some peace of mind

# Hey, I'll help you find it... #

On one level you could put it with
his up tempo disco club hits.

There's an underlying bitter
sweetness to that

with the Forget Me Nots sample
where it's kind of,

there's a pain in there as well.

It's like, "Yes, let's go out,"
and it's about anonymous sex,

it's about one night stands
but then also it's about the pain

and the loneliness that comes
with that at the same time.

Fast Love was when
the layers fell from even

the most naive eyes
and we thought hang on a minute,

"What is George Michael
actually singing about?"

When we were filming George,

it was almost like working
with a Hollywood Icon.

He knew the exact angle that he'd
obviously worked out in the mirror.

He had to see himself reflected
in the map box of the camera.

So, if you were to pan off him and
he'd go, "Whoa, whoa, stop!"

and the minute he couldn't see
himself you'd have to start again.

In the end we invented a kind of
little, erm, playback system

where he could see himself through
the lens of the camera

and so it was almost like performing
to himself.

And then he'd let you edit it,

but he knew exactly how he wanted
to edit it

and it was always in his head.

We'd show him a cut
and he'd go, "Yeah, great."

And then it would be, "OK,
start again."

We met, end of May,

and by the middle of June I came home,

and he said, "Darling, I wanna show
you this jumper"

and he took me back to the house.
I'm like, "Jumper?"

That's something a cheerleader
wears, that's all stretchy,

one piece, that girls wear.

So I went back there

and he pulled out these two rings
he'd got in Maxfield.

"I want you to have this.
Let's be together."

They were best friends in many ways.

Kenny had quite a calming effect.

They both shared a great love of dogs.

For the first time in his life,

he can phone up his mum
because she now knows, erm,

that he's a gay man.

So, he phones up to let her know
that he's met somebody

and of course,
she's wonderfully happy about this.

But during the same phone call

she also tells him that
she's had a cancer scare

and that scare, unfortunately,
became a reality

and she sadly died.

I suppose a lot of people would ask
the question about why you,

as a public figure,

as somebody who is recognised,
both here and America,

why do you take such an outrageous risk?

Well, I suppose that's
the whole point, isn't it?

It gets addictive, reckless behaviour.

So, it becomes a point sometimes

where you're taking more of a risk,
the chance of you being caught,

you're doing things more openly.

Beverly Hills Police Officers
arrested the singer

known as George Michael.

It was a throwback to the '50s.

It was an Agent Provocateur.

The policeman was actively

manipulating himself which is really wrong,

that's entrapment.

There's someone standing there
waving their genitals at you.

You don't think that they're
an officer of the law!

It's not your first presumption.

I quite often see celebrities of
what I call the bubbles of shame.

So, their lives are kind of all right,

but then they have a moment where
they do something really reckless

and really foolish, almost as if
they want to be exposed.

My reaction to this was,
"I'm not gonna be like another one

"of these people that's peeking out
from behind their net curtains

"a month later."

I thought, I'm just gonna
go out for a meal.

I know they'll all chase me,
and it did cause havoc,

you had all these cars
going across red lights,

and I was just ambling down
to my local restaurant, you know.

I think it's pretty brave of him to
come and do something like this.

When you're caught, it's taking
the responsibility away from you,

because it stops you in your tracks.

It's the moment where you have to go,

"Sharp intake of breathe,
what shall I do now?"

And I literally got a call
the next day going,

"I'm gonna make a song about it"

and it's kind of, "Great."

It was just the perfect answer.

It was the perfect clap back

and I think he just wanted
to just go, "Fuck it,"

and just reply with a load of humour.

When you get on with somebody
and you gel with them

and you've got the same sense of humour,

and when you tell somebody an idea,

sometimes you tell somebody
and there's a blank look.

But when you tell George an idea
and you see a little sparkle

and there's a little smirk...

So, he was really not George Michael
the superstar,

George was in the crew van
with all the crew

and everyone's chatting to him,

and he was telling everybody
the stories of life.

He'd be telling about he was in
a restaurant with Lady Di

and then he'd see someone putting
a parking ticket on his car

and he'd go running out to
the parking warden

and just offer his autograph.

Just really nice things
like that kind of thing.

He'd say, "What are you thinking?"

and it would always be, you know,
I'd kind of trigger it.

I think he had loads of ideas in his head.

For me, I wasn't quite sure how
to portray the whole thing

but all I could see was just this
toilet turning into a disco.

# Take me to the places that I love best

# And, yes I've been bad

#Doctor won't you do with me
what you can... #

He wanted to kind of develop it more
to make a secondary video

which was slightly more hardcore

and a more hardcore porn version of
it running at the same time.

He was around maybe 50% of
the time on the shots

and things like that.

Obviously, for his scene he
was there all the time.

He would just let us go off and do things

cos a lot of it was shot from the air.

We wanted people making out in in public,

as if it was a nude scene or something

so it had to be done somewhere where
people couldn't see you doing it.

Some of it was full penetration
as well that we were doing.

So, yeah, that was full-on
in the control tower.

People like myself trapped
in that prism almost,

it was a kind of ray of light.

It was mocking his tormentors,
it was ridiculing them,

it was making them look ridiculous
and absurd.

Like the couple in
the van on top of the cliff,

then we had the other couple
who are kissing

on top of the mast on the ship.

The executive producer on it,
who played the part,

he was one of the cops snogging
on the roof with his partner.

He wanted to use it to let his family know.

The idea was to actually expand the video

and make a porn movie of it as well.

That was the idea, but it never got
made. I think it got canned.

George, why do you feel compelled
to open up

a very private part of your life
and make it so public?

Well, I feel because I've kind
of done that, haven't I?

I've done that in a way that I
didn't really intend to.

Oh, thank fuck for that.

Thank fuck that he can actually be
himself cos if he's pretending

we're having to pretend as well,
you know what I mean?

Don't wanna be sitting there going,
"Did you see the game, George?

"Look at the tits on her."
That's pointless.

There were periods, more than a couple,

where the country wanted to put
their collective arms around George

and say, "We like you, it's OK."

In a way he was in a situation where
the closet door was kicked open

but then he walked through tall and proud.

That's the moment that he will be
loved for forever

by a generation of gay men.

George had to do community service.

So, he came here,
and he was put on dessert duty

and on that day we were making
white cakes as dessert

for all of our clients.

He really cared about these clients.

It wasn't as if he picked a random place

to do his community service.

It was a place that he had been
donating to for five years

and had served people
who were dying of Aids.

He was very dedicated to doing this
and very serious about it.

You know, he celebrated it.

People like George's life are accidents,

they're purposely designed into the matrix

to do what it is that they need to
do to move the rest of us forward.

I used to be in charge of the fundraising

for the Terrence Higgins Trust,

the biggest Aids charity around

and I used to have these little dinners.

I'd have these big gala ones

but I'd have little ones for the big names.

I remember one where
Mick Hucknall and David Gilmore

and George in a little downstairs
room at Carluccio's.

I told them about what Terrence
Higgins Trust needed to keep going,

what the work it was doing,
and everyone around the table

was being extremely
generous and George said,

"Erm, I was thinking maybe not
just write you a cheque,"

and my heart slightly sank.

But, no, he said, "I've got this new album,

"this best of called Ladies
& Gentlemen,

"and I thought maybe you could use
the UK residuals from that."

I said, "What do you mean?
The money you earn from it?"

He said, "Yeah."
I said, "All of it?"

He said, "Yeah,
but don't tell anybody."

So, I wasn't allowed to tell anyone,
I can tell you now,

and people know what
an extraordinary man he was.

But, wow, that generosity.
I mean I... I cried,

I was just simply amazed by it.

Cos he was a sweet,

vulnerable, hurting man,
for most of his life

and yet he had this giant
sort of strength and courage

and this ability to say things that
would do him harm as if he wanted,

like a child will break his own toys.

As if he wanted to break out
of the space of stardom

and admiration and riches.

As if he wanted to be free of that

so that he could express something
much more primarily about himself.

And that's almost
the definition of an artist.

There were times in the last five,
six years that I was very tempted

to just say you know what,
"Forget it."

It was a four-year period
of just making track after track.

"This is too difficult,

"you're not gonna come up with
the album that you need."

I think it was just under 1,000 tracks.

"You're driving yourself
crazy with it."

I think we whittled it down
to about 300 tracks

that we had on data cassettes.

I was almost ready to give up.

Out of this 300

I think two ended up
forming on to Patience.

The fact that it feels more gay
to people is probably due

to the fact that my life is more of
an open book these days.

By Patience he was like a blueprint

for an elder statesman of pop.

It would be a horrible way
to leave my career,

to leave people thinking that my
sexuality took away my market

cos I just knew that wasn't true.

And he really found his look.

It's really important to say,

"Look, it is not damaging,
if you have ability,

"it is not damaging, erm,
to have the confidence to come out."

Every album there were enough good
songs on it to justify the wait

and I think as long as he kept doing
that, his fans were going nowhere.

For my sins I do check out my fan websites

and they'll say, "He sounds a bit gay now,"

or, "That bit at the beginning
there sounds really gay."

And you're just thinking,

"It sounds exactly like
I've always sounded.

"It's just you know I am gay."

But he just seemed to be cruising
at that point

into middle age pop serenity.

I think I have quite
a good take on both sexes,

maybe cos I grew up with two sisters

and also because of the relationships I had

in my earlier life with women,

and now having totally, err,

I suppose,

I feel totally part of gay culture now.

# I'll be your sexual freeek

# Of the week

# You're such a sexy mama

# I'll be your inspirational brother

# I think I need a re-booty

# I'll be your sexual freeek... #

It was that level of defiance.

He wasn't going to be a sanitised
air-brushed gay man

who you could have along at dinner parties

and "Isn't he so civilised?"

Freak, when you think of the public,
it was maybe a step too far,

commercial public, cos it putting
his sexuality out there in such

an aggressive way that
I think people didn't know how

to take it at the time.

It was a rare commercial misstep for him.

We wanted to do
a ballet which was just like

where George was the Devil,

and he also had this big,
long cock which was like his tail.

He wanted to do it with the Royal Ballet

with them covered in tattoos glue sniffing.

George was telling me
the idea and he was saying,

"I wanna be Captain FF"
which was Captain Fist Fucker

and all these things
and I was saying, "I'm not sure,

"I can't see how it's gonna work"
and I didn't get it.

I just felt it was the wrong way to go,

to go too far to try
and get a youth audience in.

Gay people are some of the most
interesting people on the planet

because they are born into an environment

which is gonna be difficult for them,

The world is full of human beings
trying to procreate

and that's not what we're here for.

If you are strong enough to realise
that what you are is not wrong,

and yet a large percentage of
the world is telling you it is,

then you begin to question everything.

# I'm gonna shoot the dog

# I'm gonna shoot the dog

# Come on, ladies

# Nine, nine, nine gettin' jiggy

# People, did you see... #

"Shoot The Dog" now is almost
a prophetic song,

because almost everyone now agrees
with him on the rights and wrongs

of the Iraq War.

But he took the stance that was,
at that time,

considered very threatening.

Tony Blair has no authority to do this.

He's the Prime Minister,
he is not someone we are supposed

to follow into lethal situations
without asking questions.

I interviewed him in
so many different situations.

One when he produced this record
called "Shoot The Dog,"

which was about the Iraq War
in the early 2000s,

and he was ranting against
George Bush and against Tony Blair.

He came into the studio, and he sat down,

and we opened up the microphone,

and he just laid into to me,

into Radio 1, into everything.

You know, I mean, he had the forum,

you know it was live radio,
he could say what he liked,

he had me over a barrel

and, you know, when George was
on a mission, he was on a mission.

It was a very provocative record,

and it was a huge risk

with his American career which
wasn't that big by then anyway,

so I'm not sure really how big
a risk it was.

But it was typical George Michael.

It was provocative, it was designed
to get everybody talking,

had a very provocative video with it.

And he knew that the media would be
very important to him to drive

the narrative of that record.

This is about Rupert Murdoch
and my making, er,

what he considered to be statements

that were anti-American at this time, er,

is something that is obviously...

I'm the kind of guy that has
to be slapped down,

and I'm just saying,
"I won't be slapped down."

You might even take away my career,
you might manage it,

but I know that I'm not going to
let it happen without a fight.

And basically, I am going to be
in the centre of a war of PR

with Mr Rupert Murdoch
if he doesn't leave me alone.

It's a fine line, really,
between self-destruction

and contrariness, and bravery.

And he exhibits all three to me.

You take on the Murdoch empire,

you take on the tabloids at your peril.

I mean, they are very patient
and very powerful.

And once you cross them, they don't forget.

The point that really destroyed him,
I think, was when he came out

against the Murdoch newspapers,

and these papers went for him.

He knew he would get eaten alive,
and he did.

With George being so upfront about
his sex life and defending

cruising on Hampstead Heath,

er, with his political songs,

with a clear controversial social message,

he knew that the tabloids would
probably gun for him.

And, indeed they did.

..Possession of cannabis after
being found slumped in his car

on both occasions.

Sky's Sarah Hughes reports.

This stuff keeps me sane and happy.

I could write without it
if I was sane and happy.

Well, this is the worst possible
timing for George Michael.

He's just started a 28-city European tour,

he's only had one date so far -
and now, once again,

he's in the headlines
for something other than his music.

The timing is atrocious.

Is it an accident,
or is there a possibility

that he does it deliberately?

Oh, a lot of people speculate
that this is someone

who just likes the attention.

So, with that amount of power
that he had in his command,

and I think he liked to challenge himself.

And I think what when you're a control...

..wanting to be in control,

one of the ways to challenge
yourself or thrill yourself,

or entertain himself by putting
himself into situations where

there was a huge challenge,

and he could potentially lose control,

he would dance on that knife edge.

It's the second time of the year...

George, George, George!

..an unused spliff in the car...

and no drink or drugs in my body.

He did manage to do the thing
that he professed to want to do.

He destroyed his own star quality.

And in doing that,

he didn't become any less special.

In fact, he became more magical,

because he became more quantifiable,
and more knowable to you.

There's no drink or drugs in my body.

As a journalist,
you're aware it's all good fodder.

And as a big lifetime fan,

it's just desperately upsetting
to see that the person that you

have always celebrated so much
is reduced to becoming that fodder.

I have not cheated or lied
about my sex life.

Why are those cameras there?

To trap an individual in something
which is a completely normal,

commonplace, er,
part of his cultural activity.

He revelled in his own sexuality

and felt it was really important
to be honest, upfront,

and open about the fact
that he really enjoyed sex.

If you get some sanity back
into the idea of privacy,

any kind of privacy, right?

Then the fact that these people
are doing this to me

is completely immoral.

George!

Guys, watch your legs!

And the Murdoch newspapers were
camped outside his house

24 hours a day following him.

They all knew that he was going
to Hampstead Heath cruising.

They'd known that for years
and years, and years.

But now, they went into overdrive.

Here is the reality of my life.

And if you're a straight person,
you might not understand

why it makes me so happy.

I have a career that I love.

I live in the most beautiful
house I've ever seen.

I have a wonderful partner of ten years.

I'm a very, very happy gay man.

The fact that I'm portrayed as some
kind of loser by straight society

is their problem.

My problem is that I'm expected to
live with people lying constantly,

one lie laid on top of another lie,

laid on top of another lie,
and say nothing.

We was in San Francisco,
and Kenny, George's partner,

was trying to help me get George to
contribute to this documentary.

And every time I called, he'd say,

"George isn't sure he wants to do it now.

Anyway, I was going back to
England the next day,

and Kenny calls and says,
"George says he wants to do it!"

And he was living in Dallas,
Fort Worth, where he had a place,

an art gallery with Kenny.

And so, I had to divert the flight
and with the crew, and we...

We stopped off at Dallas,

and on the way to his house,
he called up and said,

"Oh, I can't get my make-up artist.

"Do you mind if I use yours?"

I said, "George, I'm making
a documentary series for the BBC!

"I haven't got a make-up artist!

"I mean, occasionally there's
a fleck of something on my mouth,

"someone will tell me to wipe
it away, but..."

He said, "Oh, oh, really?"
And so, it was so sweet.

And so, he got someone in, then
he came started talking about Aids.

And, of course, he immediately
started saying things that were

dark and dangerous, and aggressive,

and angry, and political, and real..

And that's why he'd not wanted to do it.

And when he finished, he said,

"I knew I shouldn't have talked to you.

"I'll only get into trouble for this.

"'There goes George,
shooting his mouth off.'"

And he was, you know, saying
how people would respond -

and yet, he was tugged by this need
to be absolutely raw and honest.

And by this knowledge that it would
make his life more difficult,

but, you know, there'd be headlines,

people would say he was arrogant,
or he was, you know,

self-regarding or something.

You just wanted to fold him in your arms.

# So now I walk in the midday sun

# I never thought that

# My saviour would come

# I think it's amazing

# I think it's amazing.. #

"Amazing" - it's a good song.
- Thank you, thank you very much.

Yeah, it really is.
You must be very happy with it.

Well, it's kind of usual to hear me
singing about love, really,

in the context of "Ooh, I'm in love" -

normally it's, "I'm so miserable!
Love me, love me."

That's a song that I actually enjoy
watching people, er, like, yeah.

Talking about the joys of meeting
someone and being in love,

and how it makes a difference in your life.

This song is really, like,

"I just can't believe it,
how fantastic and life-changing

"this relationship is."

I didn't want it to look like just
some pop star let his boyfriend

have something that he wanted
to do and just played with it.

So, he took it very seriously.

I just didn't want it to be a place
where, er, very wealthy people

came to look at paintings or art.

And so, we were very, very
philanthropic from the start.

So, we helped raised a lot
of money in general,

it's a big part of it.

Yeah, we had one of the most amazing
British contemporary art collections

in the world, and so, to make
that full, it can't just be

what you like, and you know,
art doesn't have to...

You don't have to love it, it can
move you, it can make you think,

it doesn't naturally always have
to evoke happy emotions.

If we're talking about
rock music or pop music,

making music also is a form of visual art.

Its pretty much almost a portrait.

A self-portrait.

And what you're playing with,
by definition,

if you're a rock star, is you're
playing with the idea of identity.

You're playing with the idea
of who you are.

He has seen a documentary
that Tracey had done,

and we were eating at the Ivy,
and he wanted to meet her.

So, I went over and said,

"Hey, can we come over
and chat with you?"

So, we went over and chatted
with her, and, er,

a lifelong friendship.

So, with the Tracey Emin works,

you know, they had this blur
to its confessional quality,

this spidery writing expressing
the feeling, floating it out there

and seeing what that feeling looks like.

Well, to me that's almost
like how George would

throw a line out in the studio.

"Does it sound right?
Is that what I really feel?"

George Michael is now on
a 22-date North American tour,

his first in 17 years.

Now that California's handing out
same sex-marriage licenses,

Michael says he and his partner
of 12 years, Kenny Goss,

might make a trip to
the courthouse and say "I do,"

though not any time soon.

When he toured Europe,
every city we went to,

I had £25,000 that I could
help an organisation.

For the most part, it was
organisations that related to

nurses or children.

And so, I would research,
find an organisation,

go and visit them while I'm there,

and then take as many people as
possible to the concert that night,

and they would get £25,000, as well.

# If you're gonna do it, do it right

# Come on, baby, yeah
# If you're gonna do it, do it right

# Whoo, take me on
# If you're gonna do it, do it right

# Please don't leave me here
# If you're gonna do it, do it right

# To do it on my own

# First class information
# Oh!

# Sense your inspiration... #

The screens on the side
he wanted curved, and then,

this big one that comes over in,

like, a wave, which was expensive.

And the production costs was huge,
but he never really worried

about how much money was
in his bank account.

He thought you only needed so much money.

George's mother was in a National
Health Hospital when she had cancer,

and the nurses were incredible.

He was so impressed,
and he wanted to give back.

So, he had this wonderful concert for them.

It's nice that someone's done
something for nurses,

cos all the time we get abused
verbally, physically -

and somebody's actually appreciated nurses.

Concerts to put on are very
expensive, so I think people

don't realise, you just don't show up.

I don't think he ever worried
about being, what was it,

Behind the Music, or whatever that is,

where they tell the story
of a washed-up quarterback now,

and he's working at Wendy's.

Then we came off air.

And the editor was waiting
for us outside the studio,

and she's jumping up and down

with excitement because
one person's donated 50 grand.

And we said, "Who?" She said,
"It's anonymous, I can't tell you."

And of course,
all the philanthropy was secret.

It wasn't that we wasn't a
great philanthropist,

he was a fantastic philanthropist.

But he would give with the condition

that you don't let people know it's me.

He would see things on television,
or hear about something,

or read about something.

He would see somebody who needed
a new set of glasses,

or a new set of teeth or something,

and he'd call in and he'd do it.

Also about helping friends.

I had a terminally ill child.

He had, you know, his house
in the South of France -

Chez Nobby, that's what it was called.

You know, there was a helicopter
to pick us up

and drop us off in the garden.

He was a guy who was looking
for ways, like Bill Gates,

to give away the money he'd made.

We don't know, so let's go with
instinct and just go...

Shall we go with C? - C.

I'll tell you what, we'll go with C.

And if it's wrong, I'll match it,
so we make it to 64.

That way, we can't lose, we're going to 64,

but we might still be going home.

That's fantastic of you.

We were having a problem making pay roll.

All of a sudden, a letter appeared
at our doorstep that said,

"Dear Project Angel Food,
keep doing what you're doing.

"Love, George."

He's our single largest donor in
the history of Project Angel Food,

donating more than half a
million dollars to us.

When you know that you're making
the world a better place,

that is a positive feeling that
helps lift you through downers.

District Judge John Perkins
told George Michael that

he'd taken a "dangerous and
unpredictable mix of drugs."

He banned him from driving for
five years before sentencing him

to eight weeks in prison.

There were gasps and tears from fans
within the court's public gallery.

There were tears, too, from
George Michael's long-term partner,

Kenny Goss, as he left court alone.

The good life got not so good.

Hello, George.

I'm sorry to do this.

Thank you to everybody that
supported me in there.

It was quite inspirational and, er,

I'm coming out here on my own

so that you'll realise
I just want to start again.

Ooh! By the way, I've just thought
of a really good idea for a song.

And it won't be published,
it'll be nothing to do with prison!

The thing about George is
he hated interviews.

He didn't really like journalists.

But when he did decide to do interviews,

he was going to give you everything.

He was almost evangelical about his
need to talk about his sexuality.

He was a compulsive truth-teller.

And initially, George was there
in his sunglasses,

quite, sort of, reserved.

Spliffing his way through the interview -

spliffing one, spliffing two,
spliffing three.

And then, he got more relaxed,
the sunglasses came off,

the stories started flowing.

And what he still felt guilty
about was having taken

so long to come out.

It was almost an act of penance.

And he'd have to tell you everything.

When he talked about the family history

and the suicides in the family,

and the impact of Anselmo's death,

and then, his mother's death,

and you started to see it all as one,

there was this real, erm,

suffering that he'd been
through in his life.

Before that interview,
there'd been a tiny, tiny story

saying he'd been cautioned
for possession of crack.

And I found, at one point,
I was becoming like some headmaster

to him, and I said to him,

"George, there was a story
about you being caught

"in possession of crack?"

And he nodded.

And again, went into denial.

And in the end, I said to him,
"George, look me in the eye.

"Were you smoking crack that day?"

And he kind of went...
"Yeah, on that occasion, I was."

With all the fame and all the money,
and all the great things, as well,

there was also this, sort of,
spectre over him, I think,

from a lot of his life, of death.

Well, I didn't do that tour,

because...

Well, I wasn't sure that he should
be out on the road, frankly.

But he obviously wasn't well.

You've been going for almost
30 years now, three decades.

How have you changed as a person
from when you started?

Well, I suppose I've got
a little bit more fashion sense

than when I started.

Other than that, I'm pretty much
the same, I suppose.

It felt to me like it was something
he was doing more for himself.

He's positioning himself as someone
who had produced a canon,

and was singing these classics that,
sort of, were from the canonical

classics of the previous century.

I think one of his things was
to work with Phil Ramone

on an album.

He was very, very in awe of Phil Ramone.

If you go through his career,
it's almost as if the camera's

just slowly zooming in -

and at the end, all you've got is him.

And I think you should probably
know the truth behind this one

before I sing it.

His songs just got more and more intense.

And therefore, I think they become
less pleasant for him to write.

My battles with various substances
are very well-documented.

We had the tendency towards
the slower more reflective material,

a, kind of, musical psychiatry.

The truth - Kenny and I have
not been together for about

two-and-a-half years, and...

And all I'm going to say is
I love him very much,

but my love life's been a lot more
turbulent than I've let on.

Yeah, he wrote a song called
"Where I Hope You Are".

Probably the very first break-up
that song I've ever written.

I actually have listened to that
song quite a bit, and I actually...

I didn't know that he was going to...

I didn't even know he was going
to perform it, so...

# For so long

# There's been no-one else
I care about... #

Living the life you've lived,

you know, with all the focus
on you as a person,

how does that effect your life?

It's had catastrophic effects
on my personal life.

What is so fantastic in your life
that you can actually, you know,

live the way you do with all of this?

Music! Music.
It's the only if it wasn't music,

if I wasn't absolutely driven,

and if I didn't find it impossible
to live without music,

then I wouldn't be doing this any more.

So, you're actually happy?

Erm, I'd say I've never...

I'd say I haven't been happy
with fame since I was 22.

Right? So, I've wished I was
someone else since I was 22.

Because I do, I hate the effect
it has on friendships,

on relationships,

on your privacy, I hate it, all of it.

George, I'd heard really
loved Going To A Town,

and I got a call from George,

at 3.00 in the morning when
I got to my hotel.

And he was talking about
how much he loved the song,

how important it was -

and it was all, you know, wonderful stuff.

But needless to say, he was also very high.

And half an hour passed,

an hour passed,

an hour-and-a-half passed,

and then, eventually,
he actually... fell asleep.

I enjoyed the experience
cos it was so unusual.

I mean, in retrospect, it is quite tragic,

you know, cos he lost that battle.

# I'm goin' to a town that has
already been burnt down

# I'm goin' to a place that has
already been disgraced

# I'm gonna see some folks... #

He's turned it so completely into
a George Michael song,

that you can almost see him more clearly.

Having George Michael sing that song

was one of the high points of my career,

and an epic moment that I could...

That, to the end of my days,
I will refer to -

especially being, you know,
a gay boy who, you know,

at puberty, drooled over his behind.

Er, I've got Streptococca-something.

It's a form on pneumonia.

And they spent three weeks
keeping me alive, basically.

The last ten days since I woke up,
literally, thank you people

for saving my life...

...which is something
I've never had to do before,

and I never want to do it again.

He was very ill, post that time
when I saw him...

..in the immediate aftermath,

and he was not a well man.

And it took him a long time
to recover from that.

Whether he ever recovered fully
or not is open to question.

There was dark demons involved
that led him down a dark spiral.

George's family had an uncle
who was a depressive,

who killed himself.

And that's a genetic thing.

I doubt you could override that,
to that extent.

It was a self-destruct
for reasons that George knows.

One could hypothesise that
perhaps it was the death of

George's therapist, friend,

father figure in the form
of Barry Nacouper,

that was a grief too many.

That's a very strong ally,

somebody who you really trust
who's on your side.

On his piano, there was
a photograph of Barry Nacouper -

given that a tradition of
a grand piano is that you have

the photograph of the person you
love most in the world,

or for your most loved one.

Barry was an incredibly important
figure in George's life,

and his death must've brought him

an overwhelming amount of grief.

When he dies, there's
a very slow progression down,

and then, it seems to go
further and further down.

And there's nobody else to whom he trusts.

He was putting on weight,
he was getting very morose,

taking more and more drugs.

Inevitably, the voice did deteriorate.

His voice - which is, I think,
after he got pneumonia, was why he,

you know, became more depressed.

He was just desperately miserable
within his life and who he was.

It's just awful.

It was his descent into drug use,
that was the thing,

cos that was what was destroying him.

The circle of people
around him had changed,

and they were all part of
that same lifestyle.

You know I know people who
worked very closely with him

who would despair of how he was being.

He was on a downward spiral.

I went and had a meeting
with him up in the house,

but he didn't want to be in at all.

So, we just went to Barcelona,

shot it in a really old vintage,
fairground in Barcelona.

He didn't come with us. And then,
it was really weird, though.

So, we'd be shooting, and then,

I'd hear George's voice behind me.

I'd go, "What the fuck?"

And then, somebody would
hold a laptop open,

and George was on Skype looking at
what we were doing, and it was like,

"Hello there, mate."

That's a wonderful example
of how one musician

can bring their history,
their story, their persona,

their image to someone else's song.

And that song becomes something else,

and it becomes about George Michael,

or it becomes about who we think
George Michael might be,

or might have been.

# Let her down easy

# Her heart is on the line

# Let her down easy

# And you'll grow up in time... - #

If you're thinking about art and music...

..George's music,

I think you can think of it all
as an astonishing sequence

of self-portraits...

..in which the artist, George,
is looking at himself in the mirror

each time he comes up with
a new song, and he'll say,

"Right, who am I? Who are you?"

And each time, there's a different answer.

And if you listen to all the songs,

and you watch all the videos
one after the other,

you emerge with this wonderful sense
of the indeterminacy of a self,

the fact that all the richness,
if you like, that how many selves

you can be - and I think
that's one of the things

that people love about him.

I think that you can see that
there's a darkness there a lot.

There's a lot of darkness there.

And you can conclude,
from the end of his story,

that the darkness won.

But I always like to think that
there are all these other sides,

and one of those could have won,
it just didn't.

You know, such and such happened
in a certain period of time,

and his demons got the better of him.

But they didn't have to -
and he left us with

so many angels, that maybe
that's enough anyway.

"My name is Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou" -

that's how it's said. Wonderful.

"Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou.

"To the outside world,
I am and always will be known

"as something else, but it's not my name.

"As a boy..."

I haven't read this for ages.
I know.

"As a boy, my biggest fear was that
my huge ambitions would stay

"just out of reach of the child
that I saw in the mirror.

"So, I created a man in the image
of a great friend that the world

"could love if they chose to.

"Someone who could realise my dreams
and make me a star.

"I called him George Michael,"

"and for almost a decade,
he worked his arse off for me

"and did as he was told.

"He was very good at his job -
perhaps a little too good.

"Anyway, shortly before I was
approached with the idea

"of this book, I decided that his
services were no longer required.

"He went quietly, he didn't make a fuss.

"I know many of you will think
that that was a strange thing

"for me to do, but believe me,
he really had to go."