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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:15,741 Baby Ooh, ba-ba-baby 2 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,620 Dad. 3 00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:24,986 Mike, you promised me you'd be studying for your speech-class exam. 4 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,787 - I am. - Well, start over. 5 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,799 I don't get it. I was wearing headphones. 6 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,730 Study, Mike. 7 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,701 All right! 8 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,470 Hello? 9 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,702 Hey, Boner, my man. How you doing? 10 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,244 Yeah, I could use a study break. Whew. 11 00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:49,444 Um... Yeah, yeah, the arcade sounds great. 12 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,643 Wait a second, I'm broke. Do you think you could lend me like...? 13 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,386 All right, all right, I'll pay you back for that and for this, okay? 14 00:00:56,557 --> 00:01:00,085 - Oh. Hold on a second. Oh, Carol... - Not a dime. 15 00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,657 Boner, I don't know. Hold on a minute. 16 00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:07,232 - Oh, Benny, my man. - Not a chance, Mike. 17 00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,798 Bone, this could take a couple of seconds. You wanna hold? 18 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,098 Okay. Don't go away. 19 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,741 No problem. I'll wait right here. 20 00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:20,808 Ben, my little compadre. 21 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,140 Huh? 22 00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:26,482 Ben, you know, when you look at me suspiciously like that, it hurts. 23 00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,019 Good. 24 00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:32,019 Ben, come on. I mean, we're brothers. You know, this is our time to bond. 25 00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:34,320 Before you know it, you'll be a grown man and... 26 00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:36,690 You'll be in prison. 27 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,759 All right, okay, fine. 28 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,833 If you don't wanna see this card trick... 29 00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:44,631 that you could use to win big money off your trusting little friends... 30 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,467 - How much money? - Plenty. 31 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,506 Get the cards. 32 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:52,938 I thought Dad said you weren't supposed to be playing cards with Ben anymore. 33 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,407 Hey, we're bonding. 34 00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:59,846 Okay, pick a card, any card and I'll tell you what it is. 35 00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,613 And I'll bet, say, a dollar on it. 36 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,984 Okay, all right, you don't have to bet a dollar. 37 00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,092 Let's make it a pretend dollar. 38 00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:10,687 It's the queen of spades. 39 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,356 Seven of diamonds. CAROL: Ha! 40 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:16,935 Gosh, why did I mess up? Here, let me try it again. 41 00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,337 The ace of hearts? 42 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:27,071 - Nine of diamonds. - You owe him $2. 43 00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:28,715 Pretend dollars. 44 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,373 Gosh, why isn't this working? 45 00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,477 I bet my allowance. 46 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:36,453 Four dollars. Real dollars. 47 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:40,386 Ben, it's really sleazy of you to take advantage of me like this. 48 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,426 Five dollars more. 49 00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:44,258 Hey, come on, guys. 50 00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:45,797 And another buck. 51 00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,197 Okay, what is it? 52 00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:56,138 Jack of diamonds. Thank you very much. 53 00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:06,745 I'm only 10. What's your excuse? 54 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,389 Hello? Mikey, are you there? 55 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,031 Hello? Hello? 56 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,036 Hello? 57 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,301 Ben? Is that you? 58 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,114 Mike? Are you still studying? 59 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,775 Yo, Dad, I'm on it. 60 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:46,976 Eat this. 61 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,850 Look, you're skating on thin ice. 62 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,423 I just went down to the arcade for a half an hour... 63 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,631 after Boner calls me and he doesn't even show up. 64 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,088 Mike. 65 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,797 Boner? BONER: Mike. 66 00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:03,331 Hello? 67 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:06,063 Boner, I was just down at the arcade for a half an hour. 68 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,673 Where you been? 69 00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:10,099 Oh. 70 00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:13,805 Bone, why didn't you just call and tell me you were waiting on the phone? 71 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,543 Mike, no wasting time. 72 00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,777 You're supposed to be working on that speech. 73 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,387 Gotta go, Bone. 74 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,790 So have you settled on a topic? 75 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,688 Well, it's a little early, Dad. 76 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:27,980 Well, what are your choices? 77 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:35,492 Uh, Dad, you know how you always said you never wanted to push me? 78 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,501 Well, you're pushing me. 79 00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:40,430 Did you tell Dad about all the money you stole from us? 80 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:41,631 What? 81 00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:43,902 Uh, no, she doesn't know what she's talking about. 82 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,444 Just between you and me, I'm worried about her. 83 00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,279 Did you spend all that money at the arcade? 84 00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:52,613 Ben, of course, has several cylinders misfiring. 85 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,586 You were down at the arcade playing video games? 86 00:05:57,390 --> 00:06:00,053 Uh, that's a very complicated question, Dad. 87 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,456 Try me. 88 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,198 I was definitely not playing video games. 89 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,457 But you were there. 90 00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,357 For a very short time. 91 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,093 - With my money. - And mine. 92 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,703 - I won it. - You stole it. 93 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,500 From a little kid too. 94 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,238 Hey, whose idea was it to bet? 95 00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:20,471 Dad, look, I tried to talk them out of it. I mean, all I wanted to do was study. 96 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,639 So you conned your own family out of money? 97 00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:28,052 Well, I wouldn't put it exactly that way. 98 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,722 Mike, when are you gonna learn that conning people will only hurt you? 99 00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:35,358 - Oh, please. - Mike, I'm talking about your future here. 100 00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:39,226 You know that nine out of 10 con men end up running circus sideshows? 101 00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:43,867 I want something better for you than hanging out... 102 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:47,405 with bearded ladies and Renaldo the dog boy. 103 00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:55,173 Okay, my topic is Indecent Exposure. 104 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,113 It's interesting to note that in some places in the world... 105 00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:02,848 the only part of the female body that by law must be covered is the face. 106 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,284 If you've been to a convenience store lately... 107 00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:08,121 you can clearly see where that law comes from. 108 00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,486 Nah. 109 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:16,068 - Mom, what are you doing home early? - I need an insurance form. 110 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,205 My tooth is killing me. 111 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,698 Look. Look what I got. 112 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,776 - What, Ben? - This. 113 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,970 Oh, boy, a rock. 114 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:30,247 It's not just a rock. It's a magic rock. 115 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,942 Aw, that's nice, honey. 116 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:35,850 Yeah, Vinnie Babotz sold it to me for only 5 bucks. 117 00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,651 Oh, Ben, Ben, Ben. 118 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:41,761 What, what, what? 119 00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,487 Ben, honey, you're so trusting. 120 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,154 That's a bad thing? 121 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,528 Not from where I sit. 122 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,533 You've gotta stop being an easy mark... 123 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:52,366 for every two-bit con man in the neighborhood. 124 00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:54,007 No offense, Mike. 125 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:58,973 But, Mom, this is a magic rock. It can do anything. 126 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,555 Ben, think. If Vinnie really had a magic 127 00:08:01,579 --> 00:08:04,379 rock, why would he sell it to you for 5 bucks? 128 00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,543 He said he liked me. 129 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,888 As soon as I get back from the dentist... 130 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:12,082 I'm calling Mrs. Babotz and getting your ma-money back. 131 00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:16,358 Where is that stupid form? 132 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:19,089 Let Mom find her stupid form. 133 00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:22,497 - Let Mom find her stupid form. - Oh, brother. 134 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:25,503 Ben, please. I'm in pain here. 135 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:30,110 Stop Mom's pain. Stop Mom's pain. 136 00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:33,371 Ben. Please. 137 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,646 Tsk. Great. 138 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,720 Oh, here it is. 139 00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:43,913 What? 140 00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,089 The form. 141 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,027 Like I said, the rock is magic. 142 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,057 Oh, Ben, it's just a coincidence. 143 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:55,425 - How's your tooth? - Well, it's... 144 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,662 Fine. 145 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,705 If that rock's magic, I'm a gorilla. 146 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,072 That can be arranged. 147 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,379 No, I couldn't believe it. 148 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,180 Not one cavity. The x-rays showed nothing. 149 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,914 - My tooth is in perfect condition. - Of course. 150 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,457 I think we've heard quite enough about magic rocks. 151 00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:23,222 But Vinnie Babotz got the rock from the old MacGregor sisters. 152 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,592 Everybody knows they're witches. 153 00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,903 The magic rock didn't help their teeth. They don't have any. 154 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,198 We know it's important to believe in something. 155 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:35,137 But believing in something that isn't real can let you down. 156 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,004 But it cured Mom's toothache. 157 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,612 - It did stop hurting. - Don't you start. 158 00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,874 I did find the insurance form, stuck to the bottom of the drawer. 159 00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:46,383 Maggie, insurance forms are always stuck to the bottoms of drawers. 160 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:47,782 Where have you been? 161 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:51,118 Dad, without magic, how do you explain the miracle of life? 162 00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:54,150 The mystery and the wonder of the universe. 163 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:55,795 The imagination of a child. 164 00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:57,487 Wayne Newton's entire career. 165 00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:03,667 Must you take cheap shots at the man who brought us "Danke Schoen"? 166 00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:08,464 What about all those guys on TV who cure you if you send them money? 167 00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:10,633 My heroes. 168 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:14,542 But the point is, Ben, if there were any such thing as magic rocks... 169 00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:17,912 that the only place you could find them would be California. 170 00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:21,844 In fact, I'm sure that people out there are just tripping over them. 171 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:25,357 Well, maybe your magic rock can finish the laundry for me. 172 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,962 - Honey. - A mother can dream. 173 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,724 I've gotta hit the books. 174 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:37,765 Mike, books are those square paper things that frighten you. 175 00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,212 Speaking of books, Mike... 176 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:43,172 Uh, I know it's a school night, but I have to go to Boner's... 177 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:44,783 and check research for my speech. 178 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:48,671 - Sure, Mike. - But, Dad, I... Sure? 179 00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:52,584 Yeah, you can go just as soon as you clean up your room. 180 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:55,415 Ahh. Dad, I thought my room was my space. 181 00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,716 Your space smells. 182 00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:05,192 Oh. 183 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,068 Perfect. 184 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,440 Mike, you call that clean? 185 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,243 How does he do that? 186 00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:27,715 Hey, Mike, I'll clean your room for a buck. 187 00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,981 All right. You're on. 188 00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,988 Thanks, Benny. 189 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:36,291 Magic rock, clean Mike's room. 190 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,255 - Magic... - No, no, no. Ben, Ben. 191 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,297 You gotta clean my room for real, okay? 192 00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:44,301 It's already clean. See for yourself. 193 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,837 Give me my dollar. 194 00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:50,109 Ben, you can't cl... 195 00:11:59,118 --> 00:12:02,714 Hey, Ben. Ben, we gotta talk. 196 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,585 He's hooked. 197 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,104 You can't have it. You can't touch it. 198 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,369 - It's mine. - Come on, Benny. 199 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:28,146 Have I ever told you how much I hate being called Benny? 200 00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:31,250 Yes, many times, and I'm just now getting the message. 201 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,909 - Good. - Look, Ben, what's your hurry? 202 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,784 I gotta go. I have many miracles to perform. 203 00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:38,720 - Okay, one quick thought here... - Back. 204 00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:41,486 All right, all right, don't point that thing at me. 205 00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,525 Shh, shh. 206 00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:57,006 - He bought it? - Oh, yeah. He sure did. 207 00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,677 Boy, you psychiatrists sure know how to run a scam. 208 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,472 Thank you. 209 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:07,280 What an easy mark. He was ripe for the plucking. Ha-ha-ha. 210 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:10,514 Our purpose here is to teach Mike how it feels like to be conned... 211 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:13,091 and to get back the 10 bucks he took from you and Ben. 212 00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,852 You're right, of course. 213 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,221 - What a sucker. - What a pigeon. 214 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,866 I love this. 215 00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,298 Yes, you know, we could sell those magic rocks... 216 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,936 and we could make a fortune. 217 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,732 You could give up the paper, I could give up my practice. 218 00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,899 We could all go from town to town, fleecing and bilking people. 219 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,739 Then we could get arrested and we could sell our story to Hollywood. 220 00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:38,578 TV movie of the week, The Seavers: A Life of Crime. 221 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,151 Farrah Fawcett could play you. 222 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,516 I'd be played by Richard Chamberlain, of course. 223 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,157 - And in part one, maybe... - Jason? 224 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,348 Yes? 225 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,859 You have a certain quality that gets on my nerves. 226 00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:52,123 I just think you guys are enjoying this a little too much. 227 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:55,132 Does Molly Ringwald do TV? 228 00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,633 Now, stop it. 229 00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:59,295 I'm sure right about now, Mike is learning his lesson. 230 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:03,534 Ha, ha. Yeah. Following Ben around like a little puppy. 231 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,503 Richard Chamberlain. 232 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,985 Now, how much were you offering again? 233 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,882 Thirty. Five. 234 00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,080 Thirty-five dollars, Benny. 235 00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:18,747 What was that? 236 00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:20,553 Benjamin. 237 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,218 Better. Fifty. 238 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,955 - Ben, I don't have 50. - Yes, you do. 239 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,191 Your birthday money from Grandma and Grandpa. 240 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:31,361 It's in your second dresser drawer under your National Geographics. 241 00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:34,432 Okay, okay, all right. 242 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,838 Hmm. So I'd have the money... 243 00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:40,468 but I'd still have to take the garbage out every night. 244 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,872 All right, I'll do the garbage for a month. 245 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,051 And clear the table every night? 246 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:50,148 Why, you little... terrific kid. 247 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:53,389 Of course, Mom and Dad could never know how much you paid me. 248 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:56,314 No, I'll tell them that you gave it to me. 249 00:14:56,338 --> 00:14:56,654 No. 250 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,354 Tell them you paid me 10 bucks. 251 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,363 - No more, no less. - Hey, fine, whatever. 252 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,298 I just need some kind of magic for my speech class tomorrow. 253 00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:07,099 - So it's a deal, right? - I'll sleep on it. 254 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:11,610 The first thing I'm gonna do is turn him into a snake. 255 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,845 Nah. I'm too late. 256 00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:23,816 Then the doctor washes his hands, they hose down the room and that's it. 257 00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:27,085 This concludes my speech on where babies come from. 258 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,594 Any questions? 259 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,860 No, no. That... Whew. 260 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,995 - That was extremely, ahem, thorough. - Oh, thanks. 261 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,974 However, I can't help but wonder if it really wouldn't have been more effective... 262 00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:50,105 if you had used the proper names for the, uh, ahem, parts of the body. 263 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,013 - I thought I did. - Yeah, heh. 264 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,314 Uh, you may sit. 265 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:59,323 Uh, Mr. Stabone, please, could you take your visual aids with you? 266 00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:10,494 Let's just take a moment here, okay? 267 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,866 And catch our breath. 268 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:15,602 Great speech, Bone. 269 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,768 Thanks a lot, man. I knew a third of my grade depended on it. 270 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:26,110 All right. Well, now, let's see who's next. 271 00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,753 Mike Seaver. 272 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:29,816 Watch this, Bone. 273 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:34,118 Great speech. Great speech. Great speech. 274 00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,625 What's your topic? 275 00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:43,297 - Uh, magic. - Oh, magic. Ha, ha. 276 00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,665 Thank goodness. 277 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:48,498 Ahem. Great speech. Great speech. 278 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,768 Not yet it isn't. 279 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,139 Magic. 280 00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,243 Rock. Ahem. 281 00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,911 Uh, magic. 282 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,280 Johnson? 283 00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:04,484 Mike, I'm having a little trouble following this. 284 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,491 Ah. Magic. 285 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,795 Mike, I think you've overdone the, uh, pregnant pause. 286 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:17,195 Not a word, Mr. Stabone. 287 00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,496 Look, I can't fail. I can't fail. 288 00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:21,800 You wanna bet? 289 00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:24,705 Mike, either finish your speech or take your seat. 290 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,711 Look, you gonna help me out here or what? 291 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,415 - I've been conned. - Okay, that's it. 292 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,453 Right, that's it. Con jobs. 293 00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:41,788 - I beg your pardon? - That's the real title of my speech. 294 00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,556 You're gonna love this, Mrs. Scoffengerio. 295 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,562 Okay, Con Jobs: Friend or Foe. 296 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,497 Now, anybody can be a victim. You don't believe me? 297 00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,029 You all look pretty intelligent... 298 00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,969 but I just made you believe I didn't know what I was doing up here. 299 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:57,872 Ha. So foolish. 300 00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,740 Hi, Mom. MAGGIE: Hi, honey. 301 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,613 - Hey, Ben, what you got there? - It's a catcher's mitt. 302 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,914 A Buzzy Babone autographed model. 303 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:13,526 Ben, Buzzy Babone's a bum. He couldn't catch a cold. 304 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,855 - You bought that? - Yeah. 305 00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,360 Where'd you get the money? 306 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,930 Uh-oh. 307 00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:22,496 You were supposed to get your money and Carol's money back from Mike. 308 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:23,692 I did. 309 00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,599 - Ten dollars? - Yeah. 310 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:28,002 - Total? - No. 311 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,867 - Ben, how much? - Fifty bucks. 312 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,842 And I think he's learned his lesson. 313 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,512 Ben. Ben. 314 00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:37,206 Hold it. 315 00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:38,908 You swindled your brother? 316 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,644 We all did. 317 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:46,952 Here's your cut, Mom, Dad. 318 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,754 Here you go, Carol. 319 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:49,952 What's this? 320 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,896 Ben, we were trying to teach Mike a lesson, not con him out of $50. 321 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:57,436 Fifty bucks? Ha-ha-ha, what a chump. 322 00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:03,665 Oh. Jason, this idiotic scheme of yours has gotten way out of hand. 323 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,974 Well, I was just trying to teach him a simple moral lesson. 324 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,673 I don't know what went wrong. 325 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,786 Boner. Come in. 326 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,550 Where's Mike? Don't try to hide him. 327 00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:19,817 - What's your problem? - He took advantage of my innocence. 328 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,187 Pardon me? 329 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,760 Mrs. Seaver, he ripped me off. 330 00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:25,090 He sold me this rock and told me it was magic. 331 00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:26,357 No. BONER: Yeah. 332 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:29,502 I almost got killed taking Dead Man's Curve on my skateboard. 333 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,865 - You didn't. - I did. 334 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,666 I figured with this rock... 335 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:38,072 I could boldly go where no man has gone before. 336 00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,939 Boner, it's not a magic rock. 337 00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:46,511 No kidding. And I'm out 60 bucks too. 338 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,120 It's gone up. 339 00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,124 We'll talk to Mike as soon as he gets home. 340 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,314 So will I. 341 00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,551 Jason, let's give Boner his money back. 342 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:57,356 Let's everybody give me their money back. Come on, give me that. 343 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,657 Tsk. 344 00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:04,937 All right, this is, uh... Ben, you've even cheated us on the split. 345 00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:07,803 Hey, I did most of the work. 346 00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:10,306 Why, you little double-crosser. 347 00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:12,411 What is this, Miami Vice? 348 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,650 Okay, this is $50... 349 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,412 and a genuine autographed Buzzy Babone mitt. 350 00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:21,610 Hey. 351 00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:24,655 Ooh. He's my favorite baseball player. 352 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,885 Oh, thanks. You guys are okay. 353 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,121 Oh, and tell Mike that I'm never speaking to him again. 354 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:35,196 Aw, never mind. I'll tell him when I see him tomorrow. 355 00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:48,506 Well? 356 00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,582 I am good. 357 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,412 Oh, yes. 358 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,554 Fifty bucks and a new catcher's mitt. 359 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,349 - You can keep the mitt. You earned it. - Oh, thanks. 360 00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,288 Uh, could I have the rock too? 361 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:04,157 - What for? - Oh, I'm sentimental. 362 00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:06,260 - Yeah, here. - Hey. 363 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,231 Bone, relax. It's worthless. 364 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:11,393 You think so, huh? 365 00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:13,428 What? 366 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:17,338 I had this rock in my chemistry class. Mr. Rimble offered to buy it from me. 367 00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,035 - What? - Yeah, he's a collector. 368 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,305 It's called tourmaline or something like that. 369 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:25,576 Very rare. He's gonna give me 200 bucks for it. 370 00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:27,720 - Bone, this isn't fair. - I know. 371 00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:28,911 Ain't it great? 372 00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,358 Oh, well, fine. But did it ever occur to you... 373 00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:40,796 when you con somebody, you always get hurt? 374 00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:44,227 Some people never learn. 375 00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:55,774 All right, that's lights out, you guys. 376 00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:58,315 I think Mike and Ben have learned their lesson. 377 00:21:58,484 --> 00:21:59,975 Well, I hope so. 378 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,212 They've learned that you can't lie to people. 379 00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:05,290 You can't abuse their trust. You're not gonna get away with it. 380 00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:07,517 People get what's coming to them in this world. 381 00:22:07,693 --> 00:22:10,857 Coming up on the news, former President Richard Nixon... 382 00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:14,728 is honored tonight at a thousand-dollar-a-plate dinner. 28802

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