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1
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:15,741
Baby Ooh, ba-ba-baby
2
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,620
Dad.
3
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:24,986
Mike, you promised me you'd be
studying for your speech-class exam.
4
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,787
- I am.
- Well, start over.
5
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,799
I don't get it. I was
wearing headphones.
6
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,730
Study, Mike.
7
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,701
All right!
8
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,470
Hello?
9
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,702
Hey, Boner, my
man. How you doing?
10
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,244
Yeah, I could use a
study break. Whew.
11
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:49,444
Um... Yeah, yeah, the
arcade sounds great.
12
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,643
Wait a second, I'm broke. Do
you think you could lend me like...?
13
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,386
All right, all right, I'll pay you
back for that and for this, okay?
14
00:00:56,557 --> 00:01:00,085
- Oh. Hold on a second. Oh, Carol...
- Not a dime.
15
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,657
Boner, I don't know.
Hold on a minute.
16
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:07,232
- Oh, Benny, my man.
- Not a chance, Mike.
17
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,798
Bone, this could take a couple
of seconds. You wanna hold?
18
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,098
Okay. Don't go away.
19
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,741
No problem. I'll
wait right here.
20
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:20,808
Ben, my little compadre.
21
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,140
Huh?
22
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:26,482
Ben, you know, when you look at
me suspiciously like that, it hurts.
23
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,019
Good.
24
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:32,019
Ben, come on. I mean, we're brothers.
You know, this is our time to bond.
25
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:34,320
Before you know it, you'll
be a grown man and...
26
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:36,690
You'll be in prison.
27
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,759
All right, okay, fine.
28
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,833
If you don't wanna
see this card trick...
29
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:44,631
that you could use to win big
money off your trusting little friends...
30
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,467
- How much money?
- Plenty.
31
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,506
Get the cards.
32
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:52,938
I thought Dad said you weren't supposed
to be playing cards with Ben anymore.
33
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,407
Hey, we're bonding.
34
00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:59,846
Okay, pick a card, any
card and I'll tell you what it is.
35
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,613
And I'll bet, say,
a dollar on it.
36
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,984
Okay, all right, you
don't have to bet a dollar.
37
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,092
Let's make it a pretend dollar.
38
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:10,687
It's the queen of spades.
39
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,356
Seven of diamonds. CAROL: Ha!
40
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:16,935
Gosh, why did I mess
up? Here, let me try it again.
41
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,337
The ace of hearts?
42
00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:27,071
- Nine of diamonds.
- You owe him $2.
43
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:28,715
Pretend dollars.
44
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,373
Gosh, why isn't this working?
45
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,477
I bet my allowance.
46
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:36,453
Four dollars. Real dollars.
47
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:40,386
Ben, it's really sleazy of you to
take advantage of me like this.
48
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,426
Five dollars more.
49
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:44,258
Hey, come on, guys.
50
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:45,797
And another buck.
51
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:53,197
Okay, what is it?
52
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:56,138
Jack of diamonds.
Thank you very much.
53
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:06,745
I'm only 10. What's your excuse?
54
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,389
Hello? Mikey, are you there?
55
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,031
Hello? Hello?
56
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,036
Hello?
57
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,301
Ben? Is that you?
58
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,114
Mike? Are you still studying?
59
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,775
Yo, Dad, I'm on it.
60
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:46,976
Eat this.
61
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,850
Look, you're
skating on thin ice.
62
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,423
I just went down to the
arcade for a half an hour...
63
00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,631
after Boner calls me and
he doesn't even show up.
64
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,088
Mike.
65
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,797
Boner? BONER: Mike.
66
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:03,331
Hello?
67
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:06,063
Boner, I was just down at
the arcade for a half an hour.
68
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,673
Where you been?
69
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:10,099
Oh.
70
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:13,805
Bone, why didn't you just call and
tell me you were waiting on the phone?
71
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,543
Mike, no wasting time.
72
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,777
You're supposed to be
working on that speech.
73
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,387
Gotta go, Bone.
74
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,790
So have you settled on a topic?
75
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,688
Well, it's a little early, Dad.
76
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:27,980
Well, what are your choices?
77
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:35,492
Uh, Dad, you know how you always
said you never wanted to push me?
78
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,501
Well, you're pushing me.
79
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:40,430
Did you tell Dad about all
the money you stole from us?
80
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:41,631
What?
81
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:43,902
Uh, no, she doesn't know
what she's talking about.
82
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,444
Just between you and
me, I'm worried about her.
83
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,279
Did you spend all that
money at the arcade?
84
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:52,613
Ben, of course, has
several cylinders misfiring.
85
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,586
You were down at the
arcade playing video games?
86
00:05:57,390 --> 00:06:00,053
Uh, that's a very
complicated question, Dad.
87
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,456
Try me.
88
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,198
I was definitely not
playing video games.
89
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,457
But you were there.
90
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,357
For a very short time.
91
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,093
- With my money.
- And mine.
92
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,703
- I won it.
- You stole it.
93
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,500
From a little kid too.
94
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,238
Hey, whose idea was it to bet?
95
00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:20,471
Dad, look, I tried to talk them out of
it. I mean, all I wanted to do was study.
96
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,639
So you conned your
own family out of money?
97
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:28,052
Well, I wouldn't put
it exactly that way.
98
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,722
Mike, when are you gonna learn
that conning people will only hurt you?
99
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:35,358
- Oh, please.
- Mike, I'm talking about your future here.
100
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:39,226
You know that nine out of 10 con
men end up running circus sideshows?
101
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:43,867
I want something better
for you than hanging out...
102
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:47,405
with bearded ladies
and Renaldo the dog boy.
103
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:55,173
Okay, my topic is
Indecent Exposure.
104
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,113
It's interesting to note that
in some places in the world...
105
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:02,848
the only part of the female body that
by law must be covered is the face.
106
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,284
If you've been to a
convenience store lately...
107
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:08,121
you can clearly see
where that law comes from.
108
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,486
Nah.
109
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:16,068
- Mom, what are you doing home early?
- I need an insurance form.
110
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,205
My tooth is killing me.
111
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,698
Look. Look what I got.
112
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,776
- What, Ben?
- This.
113
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,970
Oh, boy, a rock.
114
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:30,247
It's not just a rock.
It's a magic rock.
115
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,942
Aw, that's nice, honey.
116
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:35,850
Yeah, Vinnie Babotz sold
it to me for only 5 bucks.
117
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,651
Oh, Ben, Ben, Ben.
118
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:41,761
What, what, what?
119
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,487
Ben, honey, you're so trusting.
120
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,154
That's a bad thing?
121
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,528
Not from where I sit.
122
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,533
You've gotta stop
being an easy mark...
123
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:52,366
for every two-bit con
man in the neighborhood.
124
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:54,007
No offense, Mike.
125
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:58,973
But, Mom, this is a magic
rock. It can do anything.
126
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,555
Ben, think. If Vinnie
really had a magic
127
00:08:01,579 --> 00:08:04,379
rock, why would he
sell it to you for 5 bucks?
128
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,543
He said he liked me.
129
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,888
As soon as I get
back from the dentist...
130
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:12,082
I'm calling Mrs. Babotz and
getting your ma-money back.
131
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:16,358
Where is that stupid form?
132
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:19,089
Let Mom find her stupid form.
133
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:22,497
- Let Mom find her stupid form.
- Oh, brother.
134
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:25,503
Ben, please. I'm in pain here.
135
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:30,110
Stop Mom's pain.
Stop Mom's pain.
136
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:33,371
Ben. Please.
137
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,646
Tsk. Great.
138
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,720
Oh, here it is.
139
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:43,913
What?
140
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,089
The form.
141
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,027
Like I said, the rock is magic.
142
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,057
Oh, Ben, it's just
a coincidence.
143
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:55,425
- How's your tooth?
- Well, it's...
144
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,662
Fine.
145
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,705
If that rock's
magic, I'm a gorilla.
146
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,072
That can be arranged.
147
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,379
No, I couldn't believe it.
148
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,180
Not one cavity. The
x-rays showed nothing.
149
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,914
- My tooth is in perfect condition.
- Of course.
150
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,457
I think we've heard quite
enough about magic rocks.
151
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:23,222
But Vinnie Babotz got the rock
from the old MacGregor sisters.
152
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,592
Everybody knows they're witches.
153
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,903
The magic rock didn't help
their teeth. They don't have any.
154
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,198
We know it's important
to believe in something.
155
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:35,137
But believing in something
that isn't real can let you down.
156
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,004
But it cured Mom's toothache.
157
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,612
- It did stop hurting.
- Don't you start.
158
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,874
I did find the insurance form,
stuck to the bottom of the drawer.
159
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:46,383
Maggie, insurance forms are
always stuck to the bottoms of drawers.
160
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:47,782
Where have you been?
161
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:51,118
Dad, without magic, how do
you explain the miracle of life?
162
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:54,150
The mystery and the
wonder of the universe.
163
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:55,795
The imagination of a child.
164
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:57,487
Wayne Newton's entire career.
165
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:03,667
Must you take cheap shots at the
man who brought us "Danke Schoen"?
166
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:08,464
What about all those guys on TV
who cure you if you send them money?
167
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:10,633
My heroes.
168
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:14,542
But the point is, Ben, if there were
any such thing as magic rocks...
169
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:17,912
that the only place you could
find them would be California.
170
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:21,844
In fact, I'm sure that people out
there are just tripping over them.
171
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:25,357
Well, maybe your magic rock
can finish the laundry for me.
172
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,962
- Honey.
- A mother can dream.
173
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,724
I've gotta hit the books.
174
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:37,765
Mike, books are those square
paper things that frighten you.
175
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,212
Speaking of books, Mike...
176
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:43,172
Uh, I know it's a school night,
but I have to go to Boner's...
177
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:44,783
and check research
for my speech.
178
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:48,671
- Sure, Mike.
- But, Dad, I... Sure?
179
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:52,584
Yeah, you can go just as
soon as you clean up your room.
180
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:55,415
Ahh. Dad, I thought
my room was my space.
181
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,716
Your space smells.
182
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:05,192
Oh.
183
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,068
Perfect.
184
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,440
Mike, you call that clean?
185
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,243
How does he do that?
186
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:27,715
Hey, Mike, I'll clean
your room for a buck.
187
00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,981
All right. You're on.
188
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,988
Thanks, Benny.
189
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:36,291
Magic rock, clean Mike's room.
190
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,255
- Magic...
- No, no, no. Ben, Ben.
191
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,297
You gotta clean my
room for real, okay?
192
00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:44,301
It's already clean.
See for yourself.
193
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,837
Give me my dollar.
194
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:50,109
Ben, you can't cl...
195
00:11:59,118 --> 00:12:02,714
Hey, Ben. Ben, we gotta talk.
196
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,585
He's hooked.
197
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,104
You can't have it.
You can't touch it.
198
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,369
- It's mine.
- Come on, Benny.
199
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:28,146
Have I ever told you how
much I hate being called Benny?
200
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:31,250
Yes, many times, and I'm
just now getting the message.
201
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,909
- Good.
- Look, Ben, what's your hurry?
202
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,784
I gotta go. I have many
miracles to perform.
203
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:38,720
- Okay, one quick thought here...
- Back.
204
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:41,486
All right, all right, don't
point that thing at me.
205
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,525
Shh, shh.
206
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:57,006
- He bought it?
- Oh, yeah. He sure did.
207
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,677
Boy, you psychiatrists sure
know how to run a scam.
208
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,472
Thank you.
209
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:07,280
What an easy mark. He was
ripe for the plucking. Ha-ha-ha.
210
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:10,514
Our purpose here is to teach
Mike how it feels like to be conned...
211
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:13,091
and to get back the 10 bucks
he took from you and Ben.
212
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,852
You're right, of course.
213
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,221
- What a sucker.
- What a pigeon.
214
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,866
I love this.
215
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,298
Yes, you know, we could
sell those magic rocks...
216
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,936
and we could make a fortune.
217
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,732
You could give up the paper,
I could give up my practice.
218
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,899
We could all go from town to
town, fleecing and bilking people.
219
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,739
Then we could get arrested and
we could sell our story to Hollywood.
220
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:38,578
TV movie of the week, The
Seavers: A Life of Crime.
221
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,151
Farrah Fawcett could play you.
222
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,516
I'd be played by Richard
Chamberlain, of course.
223
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,157
- And in part one, maybe...
- Jason?
224
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,348
Yes?
225
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,859
You have a certain quality
that gets on my nerves.
226
00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:52,123
I just think you guys are
enjoying this a little too much.
227
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:55,132
Does Molly Ringwald do TV?
228
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,633
Now, stop it.
229
00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:59,295
I'm sure right about now,
Mike is learning his lesson.
230
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:03,534
Ha, ha. Yeah. Following
Ben around like a little puppy.
231
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,503
Richard Chamberlain.
232
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,985
Now, how much were
you offering again?
233
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,882
Thirty. Five.
234
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,080
Thirty-five dollars, Benny.
235
00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:18,747
What was that?
236
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:20,553
Benjamin.
237
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,218
Better. Fifty.
238
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,955
- Ben, I don't have 50.
- Yes, you do.
239
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,191
Your birthday money from
Grandma and Grandpa.
240
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:31,361
It's in your second dresser drawer
under your National Geographics.
241
00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:34,432
Okay, okay, all right.
242
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,838
Hmm. So I'd have the money...
243
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:40,468
but I'd still have to take
the garbage out every night.
244
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,872
All right, I'll do the
garbage for a month.
245
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,051
And clear the table every night?
246
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:50,148
Why, you little... terrific kid.
247
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:53,389
Of course, Mom and Dad could
never know how much you paid me.
248
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:56,314
No, I'll tell them that
you gave it to me.
249
00:14:56,338 --> 00:14:56,654
No.
250
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,354
Tell them you paid me 10 bucks.
251
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,363
- No more, no less.
- Hey, fine, whatever.
252
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,298
I just need some kind of magic
for my speech class tomorrow.
253
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:07,099
- So it's a deal, right?
- I'll sleep on it.
254
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:11,610
The first thing I'm gonna
do is turn him into a snake.
255
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,845
Nah. I'm too late.
256
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:23,816
Then the doctor washes his hands,
they hose down the room and that's it.
257
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:27,085
This concludes my speech
on where babies come from.
258
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,594
Any questions?
259
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,860
No, no. That... Whew.
260
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,995
- That was extremely, ahem, thorough.
- Oh, thanks.
261
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,974
However, I can't help but wonder if it
really wouldn't have been more effective...
262
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:50,105
if you had used the proper names
for the, uh, ahem, parts of the body.
263
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,013
- I thought I did.
- Yeah, heh.
264
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,314
Uh, you may sit.
265
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:59,323
Uh, Mr. Stabone, please, could
you take your visual aids with you?
266
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:10,494
Let's just take a
moment here, okay?
267
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,866
And catch our breath.
268
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:15,602
Great speech, Bone.
269
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,768
Thanks a lot, man. I knew a
third of my grade depended on it.
270
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:26,110
All right. Well, now,
let's see who's next.
271
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,753
Mike Seaver.
272
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:29,816
Watch this, Bone.
273
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:34,118
Great speech. Great
speech. Great speech.
274
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,625
What's your topic?
275
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:43,297
- Uh, magic.
- Oh, magic. Ha, ha.
276
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,665
Thank goodness.
277
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:48,498
Ahem. Great
speech. Great speech.
278
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,768
Not yet it isn't.
279
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,139
Magic.
280
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,243
Rock. Ahem.
281
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,911
Uh, magic.
282
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,280
Johnson?
283
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:04,484
Mike, I'm having a little
trouble following this.
284
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,491
Ah. Magic.
285
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,795
Mike, I think you've overdone
the, uh, pregnant pause.
286
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:17,195
Not a word, Mr. Stabone.
287
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,496
Look, I can't
fail. I can't fail.
288
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:21,800
You wanna bet?
289
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:24,705
Mike, either finish your
speech or take your seat.
290
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,711
Look, you gonna help
me out here or what?
291
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,415
- I've been conned.
- Okay, that's it.
292
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,453
Right, that's it. Con jobs.
293
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:41,788
- I beg your pardon?
- That's the real title of my speech.
294
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,556
You're gonna love
this, Mrs. Scoffengerio.
295
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,562
Okay, Con Jobs: Friend or Foe.
296
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,497
Now, anybody can be a
victim. You don't believe me?
297
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,029
You all look
pretty intelligent...
298
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,969
but I just made you believe I didn't
know what I was doing up here.
299
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:57,872
Ha. So foolish.
300
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,740
Hi, Mom. MAGGIE: Hi, honey.
301
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,613
- Hey, Ben, what you got there?
- It's a catcher's mitt.
302
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,914
A Buzzy Babone
autographed model.
303
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:13,526
Ben, Buzzy Babone's a
bum. He couldn't catch a cold.
304
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,855
- You bought that?
- Yeah.
305
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,360
Where'd you get the money?
306
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,930
Uh-oh.
307
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:22,496
You were supposed to get your money
and Carol's money back from Mike.
308
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:23,692
I did.
309
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,599
- Ten dollars?
- Yeah.
310
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:28,002
- Total?
- No.
311
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,867
- Ben, how much?
- Fifty bucks.
312
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,842
And I think he's
learned his lesson.
313
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,512
Ben. Ben.
314
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:37,206
Hold it.
315
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:38,908
You swindled your brother?
316
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,644
We all did.
317
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:46,952
Here's your cut, Mom, Dad.
318
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,754
Here you go, Carol.
319
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:49,952
What's this?
320
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,896
Ben, we were trying to teach Mike
a lesson, not con him out of $50.
321
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:57,436
Fifty bucks? Ha-ha-ha,
what a chump.
322
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:03,665
Oh. Jason, this idiotic scheme of
yours has gotten way out of hand.
323
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,974
Well, I was just trying to teach
him a simple moral lesson.
324
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,673
I don't know what went wrong.
325
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,786
Boner. Come in.
326
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,550
Where's Mike?
Don't try to hide him.
327
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:19,817
- What's your problem?
- He took advantage of my innocence.
328
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,187
Pardon me?
329
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,760
Mrs. Seaver, he ripped me off.
330
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:25,090
He sold me this rock
and told me it was magic.
331
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:26,357
No. BONER: Yeah.
332
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:29,502
I almost got killed taking Dead
Man's Curve on my skateboard.
333
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,865
- You didn't.
- I did.
334
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,666
I figured with this rock...
335
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:38,072
I could boldly go where
no man has gone before.
336
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,939
Boner, it's not a magic rock.
337
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:46,511
No kidding. And
I'm out 60 bucks too.
338
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,120
It's gone up.
339
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,124
We'll talk to Mike as
soon as he gets home.
340
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,314
So will I.
341
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,551
Jason, let's give
Boner his money back.
342
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:57,356
Let's everybody give me their
money back. Come on, give me that.
343
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,657
Tsk.
344
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:04,937
All right, this is, uh... Ben, you've
even cheated us on the split.
345
00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:07,803
Hey, I did most of the work.
346
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:10,306
Why, you little double-crosser.
347
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:12,411
What is this, Miami Vice?
348
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,650
Okay, this is $50...
349
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,412
and a genuine autographed
Buzzy Babone mitt.
350
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:21,610
Hey.
351
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:24,655
Ooh. He's my favorite
baseball player.
352
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,885
Oh, thanks. You guys are okay.
353
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,121
Oh, and tell Mike that I'm
never speaking to him again.
354
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:35,196
Aw, never mind. I'll tell him
when I see him tomorrow.
355
00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:48,506
Well?
356
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,582
I am good.
357
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,412
Oh, yes.
358
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,554
Fifty bucks and a
new catcher's mitt.
359
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,349
- You can keep the mitt. You earned it.
- Oh, thanks.
360
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,288
Uh, could I have the rock too?
361
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:04,157
- What for?
- Oh, I'm sentimental.
362
00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:06,260
- Yeah, here.
- Hey.
363
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,231
Bone, relax. It's worthless.
364
00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:11,393
You think so, huh?
365
00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:13,428
What?
366
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:17,338
I had this rock in my chemistry class.
Mr. Rimble offered to buy it from me.
367
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,035
- What?
- Yeah, he's a collector.
368
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,305
It's called tourmaline
or something like that.
369
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:25,576
Very rare. He's gonna
give me 200 bucks for it.
370
00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:27,720
- Bone, this isn't fair.
- I know.
371
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:28,911
Ain't it great?
372
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,358
Oh, well, fine. But did
it ever occur to you...
373
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:40,796
when you con somebody,
you always get hurt?
374
00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:44,227
Some people never learn.
375
00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:55,774
All right, that's
lights out, you guys.
376
00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:58,315
I think Mike and Ben
have learned their lesson.
377
00:21:58,484 --> 00:21:59,975
Well, I hope so.
378
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,212
They've learned that
you can't lie to people.
379
00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:05,290
You can't abuse their trust.
You're not gonna get away with it.
380
00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:07,517
People get what's coming
to them in this world.
381
00:22:07,693 --> 00:22:10,857
Coming up on the news,
former President Richard Nixon...
382
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:14,728
is honored tonight at a
thousand-dollar-a-plate dinner.
28802
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