Original subtitles

[rock music]

- Do you wanna ask me something?

- Say something, quick.

- Kennedy,

the festival celebrating the harvest

of Swellview's famous SwellMelons is coming up.

- Kennedy,

the festival celebrating the harvest

of Swellview's famous SwellMelons is coming up.

I was wondering if you would--

- [farts] be my--oh, gross.

Miles, did you just fart?

- I had to hold it in while I was asking my own date

to SwellMelonFest. - Shh!

- Hey, can you guys keep it down?

- [gasps loudly] - [gasps]

- I'm trying to hide here.

- From what?

- Well, my mom is trying

to set me up with a date for SwellMelonFest,

but the girl she picked is pretty cringe.

- Oh, my God, be quiet. Bose is gonna say all of this.

- Oh, my God, be quiet. Bose is gonna say all of this.

And by this, I mean that

I also don't have a date for SwellMelonFest.

- You guys got dates for SwellMelonFest yet?

- Uh, yeah.

- All three of you? - Uh, yeah.

- [scoffs]

- We already shot our 1970s-style date intro videos

and everything. - Tell him about it, Miles.

- Ooh. [chuckles]

- It's time to...

- First off is my date.

She's got a poodle and loves to doodle.

But that's not all.

Next up is Mika's date.

This hyphenated hunk

is the captain of the football team

and the wide receiver of

Mika's affection.

And who could forget Scar?

He's trouble, but nothing Chapa can't handle.

[elevator music]

- Jeepers, those sound like swell dates.

- And now that you know who all my friends are bringing

to SwellMelonFest...

- And now that you know who all my friends are bringing

to SwellMelonFest,

I would love it if you would--would go--

- Yes! I'd love to go with you.

Let's stop talking now. - Thank you.

- I'm gonna go before Miles farts again.

- It's a sign of a healthy system!

- See ya at the fest.

- Hey, good job, buddy. - Pretty smooth, huh?

- We all got dates to SwellMelonFest.

- Yeah! You guys know

what the best part about this moment is?

- Scar's cheekbones.

- Sure, but also that we all have dates for SwellMelonFest,

and no one can take this away from us.

- Yeah, I'm gonna have to take this away from you.

all: What?

- What is that? - Why do you have that?

- Seriously? - You heard me.

We all gotta work security at SwellMelonFest.

all: No!

- You're lucky that "You Heard Me" mug

was empty, young lady. - Then why do you even have it?

- Because I knew you'd all be like, "What?"

And then I'd turn around with my "You Heard Me" mug,

and it'd be this absolutely stunning visual gag.

- It was a great gag, and we'd all be laughing

if we didn't have four hot dates for SwellMelonFest.

- Eh, you can go to the next one.

- You know SwellMelonFest only happens once every 20 years.

- Because SwellMelons famously only bloom

when Mars aligns with Uranus.

- And this year's crop is amazing.

[magical music]

- Okay.

Those melons are fresh,

but SwellMelonFest has been receiving

edible threats all week.

- I think you meant to say "credible threats."

- No, I meant to say "edible threats."

Bose is eating one right now.

- These threats are good.

[suspenseful music]

- They look great, and we'd be eating them too

if we didn't already have four hot dates

for SwellMelonFest.

- The SwellMelon ball drops at midnight.

Everyone who has a date gets a kiss.

- On the lips!

Which means it's legit!

Ow. [door clicks shut]

- Ray knows all about SwellMelonFest.

He's been to three of them.

- If Ray's been to three,

and they only happen once every 20 years...

- Ba--ba--ba--ba--ba-- everybody stop doing math

in your heads. I'm quite young.

So you find me any hot rocks

in the Man's Nest Diamond Mine?

- There's a Man's Nest Diamond Mine?

- Of course there is! It's right next

to the underground river of yogurt.

all: There's an underground river of yogurt?

- It's just plain. all: Oh...

- But unlike plain yogurt,

my beloved Credenza actually has taste,

which is why Schwoz agreed to mine me

a heart-shaped diamond for a necklace

that I shall give to mine love.

- I found you lots of great ones.

Looksies. - [squeals]

No.

Poor.

Substandard.

Good, but not great.

- Brrh...

Good try, Schwoz,

but I'm afraid none of these diamonds are good enough

for my beloved Credenza.

So now I must swing them.

- But they're still impossibly valuable--

all: [overlapping screaming]

- Diamonds.

- [screams]

- Schwoz, I mean this in the nicest possible way--

you have completely failed me.

- That was the nicest possible way?

- [mutters indistinctly]

- Quick show of hands--

who here has ever been in love?

Mm, but did they love you back?

- Does a parent count?

- Kay, that's what I thought.

You see, I actually am in love,

and the only way to truly show someone

that you love them

is with material things,

and that's why I gotta get Credenza a necklace

with an enormous heart-shaped diamond.

- You do realize that you can cut any diamond

into a heart shape, right? - [scoffs]

No, you can't. See, next to my abs,

diamonds are the hardest substance on Earth.

Oh.

- I did it. I caught the bucket of diamonds

before it hit the ground!

Every single one of the diamonds

is still right here!

- We're gonna be rich!

- Rich with love. - What?

- What are you doing? - Wee!

- No, no, no, no, no-- - No, no, no!

- Man, I am fun today.

[claps hands] * Credenza *

* Credenza *

* The ten *

- We work with a child.

- [sighs] But he's our child.

[electronic music]

* *

- All clear by the SwellMelonFest Sip-N-Stare.

- You know, the place where you sip from a SwellMelon

while gazing deeply into the eyes of your date.

- Also known as a place where we'd be

sipping and staring with our dates

if we didn't have to work.

Over. - All clear over by the DJ,

also known as the place we'd be dancing with our dates

if we didn't have to work.

Over. - I'm so glad

we don't have to work today. - [laughs]

- The only way this could get any worse

is if we saw our dates with other dates.

- Then you do not want to look

at the SwellMelon Sip-N-Stare.

- Aw, no sippin' way!

[suspenseful music]

* *

- Those are our dates!

Over. - Dates are on dates

with each other. Over!

- I did say that you shouldn't look over.

Over. - Well, for the record,

my heart is broken, and I'd like this day to be over.

Over.

- Cut that chatter, Danger--

gotta keep these lines open

in case something goes down.

- Nothing bad's gonna go down.

It's impossible to be evil at SwellMelonFest.

- Yeah, there's too many whimsical rules,

like no eating other fruit, or always smile

during SwellMelonFest.

- Absolutely nothing bad is going to happen here.

* *

- Number 18, do you have eyes on Danger Force?

- I do, Number 1.

Should we attack?

- Not now,

but soon.

* *

- It all just kind of happened.

[overlapping chatter]

You get that?

- * Danger *

[vocalizing]

* *

* Danger! One, two, three, Force! *

- We look amazing.

- You've been posing for hours.

[all shouting at once]

- That's right, keep walking, Schwoz.

Keep walking!

- What's good, melon-peeps?

[all cheer] DJ Melonhead

squeezing out the sickest beats,

because nothing bad can ever happen

at SwellMelonFest!

[all cheer]

- See? Even DJ Melonhead

knows that nothing bad's gonna happen here.

He's famously pessimistic.

- Hey, my man, can you hand me

that half-empty cup of water?

- You mean this half-full one?

- It's half-empty!

Man, everyone's against me!

[electronic music]

* *

- Whoo! Let's go, Scar!

- All right, let's do this.

Ready?

[grunts] [bell dings]

- Whoo! [applause]

- I think this might look better with you.

- Okay.

- That should be my plush melon.

[laughter]

- That should be my jump-hug.

- I'll give you a jump-hug, sir.

- Hey, Buddy.

- Why are you guys Danger Force-ing?

I thought you had dates.

- Captain Man thinks

something bad's gonna go down,

so he made us work security while our dates have

the melonest MelonFest of all time.

- You're by yourself? - Yeah, can you change

into Lil' Dynomite and work security for us?

[all pleading]

- I wish.

My mom finally found me in that dumpster

and set me up with the cringe girl.

- [French accent] Buddy! Ou êtes-vous?

- Oh, that's her.

I just know she'll wanna kiss

after that SwellMelonFest ball drops--

on the lips!

- Buddy... - Oh, no, here she comes.

[funk music]

* *

- That's the girl you think is cringe?

- Yeah.

- Buddy, there you are.

You keep hiding from me.

I love the little games he plays.

Come, keep me warm at the Sip-N-Stare?

- Or you could, like, wear a coat.

- Silly boy.

You will be my coat.

- Buddy Fudgers is gonna end up getting a SwellMelonFest kiss,

and we aren't.

- Okay, that's it. I'm done working.

See ya as Mika, kay?

- That's not gonna happen. - [screams]

- 'Cause there's only two ways

you guys are getting out of working security--

[phone beeping]

Momentito, por favor. - Okay.

- Hey, you find me a heart-shaped diamond?

- No, no, I didn't find a diamond.

- Hanging up. - No--hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I found something else you need to take a look at.

It's--it's some kind of cave drawing.

- Look, all I heard was--

[as Schwoz] "I don't find the diamond.

I don't know where it go. I am not from here."

Listen, buddy, I love you,

but not like I love Credenza.

- Well, I would hope not.

That would be highly unprofessional.

- Exactly, so keep mining.

My love depends on it.

- Oh, hey--hey!

D'oh! [mutters indistinctly]

- Ugh, sorry, where were we?

- Uh, the SwellMelon ball-- - How to get kissed.

- Oh, yeah, that second "Paddington" movie goes hard.

- Right? - No, dude.

- Oh, it does though.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

He was telling us there's two different ways

to get out of working security. - Right.

Thank you. One--the SwellMelon ball drops,

and this festival is over. - But our dates would've kissed

other people by then. - Two--you catch whatever sicko

has been edibly threatening this magical day.

What that? - What?

- Boop. - Oh.

- [whistling]

- Oh, you are my squirmy silly boy.

[giggles] - [weakly] Can't breathe.

- Worst SwellMelonFest of my life.

- Hey! This isn't over.

Did "Paddington 2" give up when that thief stole his book?

- He did not! - And neither will we.

You heard Captain Man.

If we lock up whoever's trying to attack this place,

we're done for the night. - And we'll be back

with our dates before the SwellMelon ball drops.

- Yes! - Okay,

but how do we figure out which one of these people

is the criminal? - We don't have to.

- We just lock 'em all up.

Let God sort it out.

- Wait, I will not incarcerate anyone

who has not broken any rules.

- Aw, man. - Wait, no, no, no.

I smell a sick turn coming.

- Good thing SwellMelonFest has a lot of rules!

- Such a sick turn! - I smelt it.

I smelt it. I smelt it.

- * There is no escapin' *

* Every rule was made for breakin' *

* Can I do what I want to do? *

[electronic music]

* Can I go where I want to go though? *

* *

* No *

* No! *

* *

* There is no escapin' *

* Every rule was made for... *

* There is no escapin' *

* Every rule was made for... *

* There is no escapin' *

* Every rule was made for... *

* There is no escapin' *

* Every rule was made for *

* Breakin' *

* *

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

* *

- * Every rule was made for breakin' *

* Every rule was made for... *

* Every rule was made for breakin' *

* *

- Hey, Ray,

SwellMelonFest is safe,

'cause we pretty much locked everyone up

except our dates, so can we clock out now?

- What? You can't just lock up

a bunch of innocent people like that.

You need to let them back out right now.

[camera shutter clicking]

- And, uh, and--and--and check yourself

before you wreck yourself, okay?

Because when you are a superhero,

you take an unbreakable vow, right?

To always be honorable and trustworthy--

- Oh, my God.

- Let me call you back.

- Are you on a date with Credenza?

- [scoffs]

No...

- Hey, love, I am so glad you took the day off

from work to go on a date with me today.

[laughs] Oh, Danger Force.

Ray, do you know them?

- No. - No.

- No, but we would love to make his acquaintance over there

for a moment. So let's exit.

- Uh...

- Hey, wait,

what is it you think this guy does for work?

- [chuckles] He's a fighter pilot

brain surgeon who also runs a school where injured pets

can learn to surf.

[sighs]

- I keep busy. [chuckles]

- Get over here.

I cannot believe you made us work all day

just so you can go on a date with Buddy Fudgers' mom.

- You seriously can't believe that?

Sounds like me.

- And you better not say that you only did it

because you're in love. - I only did it

because I'm in love! - That's just what I told you

not to say!

- Oh, Bosey, don't-- don't look at me like that.

- I trusted you. - I'm in love!

- If this is love, then why does it hurt so bad?

- Oh, come on!

- [gasps] - The SwellMelon jail

is now empty. - Oh, good!

- Not for you, it isn't. - What's the supposed to--

mean?

You guys are just mean for doing this.

- Why are you locking us up?

- "No wearing matching T-shirts allowed"

at SwellMelonFest.

- [groans] I told you we'd get busted

for these shirts. - [chuckles]

Worth it. [chuckles]

- God, I love you. - Mm, thanks.

- Now that Ray's out of the way--

- The kids will play.

- I'm happy. - Me too.

- Nothing's gonna stop us from kissing our dates.

[rock music]

- Number 19, are you in position?

- Number 19 is in position.

- Then sound the Man's Nest alarm.

- Right away, Number 1. [door clangs]

[alarm blares]

[suspenseful music]

[rock music]

- Oh, you know how I hate to complain.

But I really wish we weren't in jail right now.

- Nobody's puts baby in a cell.

Hey!

[cries] Let me out!

- Okay, let's change into our normal selves

and get kissed. - On the mouth.

[phone beeping]

- Intruder alert at the Man's Nest.

- Isn't Schwoz there?

- Probably jackhammered the yogurt line.

- So what should we do?

- I can't lightning my way there.

- I certainly can't shout myself there.

- I certainly can't brain myself there.

- Sometimes, I don't like my superpower.

- Tell Schwoz we said hi!

- [sighs]

* *

Hey! Wha--get off me!

[grunts]

- AWOL is down.

Start the attack.

[suspenseful music]

* *

- Number...20...

here... - D'you hear that?

- Yeah, it sounded like Miles-- something about Number 20.

- Number 20? Like that guy

from the Mom Prison? - Okay,

this is gonna sound crazy,

but earlier today, I thought I saw--

- The guy from the Mom Prison.

- How do you know?

- He's right there.

* *

Good, he brought friends. - [groans]

We are not getting kissed today.

- Oh, yes, we are!

Ow!

[grunting]

Citizens, disperse!

[all screaming]

* *

- You can run, Buddy Fudgers,

but you cannot hide! [giggles]

* *

- [growls]

* *

[grunts]

[heroic music]

- Aieee...

- [grunts] - Aieee!

- [sighs] - Aieee!

- I know that "Aieee" anywhere.

It's Ray!

- Aieee! - Nope, nope,

that's a Schwoz. I got Schwoz!

* *

["Aieee" horn blaring]

- Aie--aieee!

- I hope you got a blanket under that mask.

[both grunt]

'Cause it's bedtime, baby!

[grunting]

- Uh, uh, AWOL--

AWOL! - Not now, Schwoz,

I'm still flexing. - No, seriously though,

there's another one--

- Oh.

- Behind you.

- Aieee.

["Aieee" horn blaring]

* *

[suspenseful music]

* *

- Really?

- [growls]

- Okay, you know I love being locked in fake jail with you.

- Nice. - [chuckles]

But it sounds bad in there,

and I'm worried about Buddy.

- Don't worry, baby.

Not only am I a fighter pilot brain surgeon

who also runs a school where injured pets

can learn how to surf, but I can also pick any lock.

- [gasps] - Also I model.

- Oh... [giggles]

- Kind of forgot where I was going with this,

but, uh, do you wanna watch "Paddington 2"?

- That movie goes so hard.

- My God, you're not kidding.

I got it right here. - Oh.

- Oh, Paddington. - Oh, he's so cute.

- I don't wanna make it weird, but if we have kids,

we might wanna consider the name--

both: Paddington. - Yeah.

- That's so cool.

- Paddington Manchester. - [laughs] Oh.

- Huh.

Guess I gotta kick your...

[both grunting]

[heroic music]

* *

- Why aren't they fighting back?

- Because we're so strong!

- No, no, no. It's like they're just trying

to keep us busy-- like they're trying

to distract us or something.

- Okay, but from what?

- [gasps] Miles!

[suspenseful music]

* *

- The prophecy was right.

The sign was in the Man's Nest all along.

- The prophecy would never lie.

He is coming.

- True. He is coming.

* *

- We gotta end this and get back to the Man's Nest.

- I don't know. Now that Volt picked up

that hammer, she does not look like she wants to leave.

* *

[slow-motion grunting]

- It's done.

* *

- That does not look good.

- They're gonna blow up the SwellMelon ball!

[detonator beeps]

[explosion booms]

* *

- Where'd they go? - They're still here,

but they could be anywhere.

- They could be any of these people.

- They could be me. - No, they cannot.

- Oh, thank God.

- AWOL, listen to this-- that guy from the Mom Jail?

He's part of a whole group. - I know.

There were two of them at the Man's Nest.

- Fight 'em? - Yep.

- Did you win? - I do not remember.

- Okay, SwellMelonFest low-key stinks.

- [sighs] - Hey, Danger Force.

- We saw what you did back there.

- And we thought it was...

all: Pretty cool.

- I mean, shoot, if that SwellMelon ball

hadn't exploded, we, for sure, would've kissed you under it

for protecting us.

[dramatic music]

* *

[lion roars]

[birds tweet]

* *

- [giggles nervously]

Catch ya later.

[overlapping chatter]

[giggling]

Okay, SwellMelonFest high-key rocks.

- Amen, my girl.

- Other than all that mishegas

with those guys in the matching masks,

everything just sort of worked out for us.

- It worked out for everyone--

every single one!

[heroic music]

[suspenseful music]

- [grunting]

[sighs]

- * Always on the scene in the nick of time *

* The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine *

* I'm okay *

* I'm okay! *

* Danger *

[vocalizing]

* *

* Danger! One, two, three, Force! *