Original subtitles

There we are!

You know who she is?

Your grandma would.

That's Violet Meredith,

just the sweetest little thing I ever saw.

Hmm.

When talkies came in, she just disappeared.

I never saw her again.

Now, hold on. Here, here comes the best part.

The construction scene.

Yeah, boy. Come on.

Now, watch, watch what's coming, watch. Yeah.

Yeah, that's some stunt, huh?

Oh! Aw...

Look at that.

Oh...

I'm impressed, Pinky.

You and Karl Banky really pioneered special effects.

Oh, yeah, well...

That Karl, he... he... he could rig anything.

You know, he was from a legit theater.

Oh, a matinee idol.

Oh, all the girls, they just went gaga over him.

Then, along came Rudy Valentino,

and, well, poor Karl, he was just box office poison.

So, he went into, uh, special effects,

and... and directing, and producing.

Oh, he was some kind of genius.

But he was also a screwball.

So, where did you get these prints?

Oh, well I, uh, I've been kind of strapped, financially, you know?

And uh, I... I was thinking of maybe selling the house,

and so I, I was up in the attic cleaning, and... and I found them

in this old prop studio suitcase.

I didn't even know I still had it.

You know, if that Phoenix Foundation that you say is so good,

if they can work all their special magic

restoring these, uh,

I won't have to sell this house.

It's all I have left.

Well...

You sure they'll be safe?

Yeah.

Karl Banky, he burned my negatives two months before he died.

You know, Pinky, I read that file.

It never proved that Karl did it.

Well, there's some things you just know.

Old Karl, he hated me so much he could've killed me,

but he knew burning my films would hurt me more.

See, that's something I don't understand. You guys were partners.

Why did he hate you?

Violet.

Violet.

We were both head over heels over her.

Like I said, she disappeared.

Violet, the pictures, Karl. All gone.

I thought all those years

that my movies were gonna last forever.

I was there, with Keaton, Chaplin, Lloyd.

Now, all these people

will see my three best movies, never seen before!

I'll make 'em laugh. I'll make 'em cry.

Oh, when you're as old as I am,

you'll realize how grateful an old guy like me can be for that, oh...

Take care of 'em.

You know I will, Pink.

I just, I just can't believe it.

It's like I've gotten my whole life back again.

Well now you can kiss it goodbye.

Well, look at that!

Now we've got burglars from central casting.

Put the suitcase down!

You heard him!

I know that voice.

I know that voice! It's Karl Banky!

I know it can't be, but it is.

Shut up!

Lie down on the floor, both of you!

Do what he says, Pinky.

No! He's got my movies!

I'm not gonna lie down and take that from some dead man.

You never could take direction, could you?

If you try to follow us, you're both history.

In your case, Pinky, ancient history!

Yeah!

Go.

Zirconium charges, set off by remote control.

Wait. I know this box!

Karl and I made it. It's the first radio detonator ever used.

That explains the bullet holes.

Yeah, how'd those guys get it?

Well, look. Two Stars. See? See the logo?

It's my old studio. Oh, they got lots of this stuff out there.

Oh, wait! Wait. Where are you going?

I'm going to the studio! Studio? Why?

It's a movie ranch now. Location rentals, you know.

Wait a minute, Pinky! Wait, wait a minute. Come here. Come here.

Don't you think we should contact the police first?

Banky's probably burning my films right now!

I just found 'em.

If they get lost again, well I might as well just lay down and die.

All right, all right.

We'll go after 'em.

But let's take my car, okay? Come on.

Step on it, kiddo!

Oh, man!

Oh, sure.

Shape charges.

Bet my ignition...

Pinky?

Pinky...

Damn!

All the water's leaked out.

It smells like sulfuric acid.

And it's burned a hole in your radiator core here.

Made a slow leak.

We can walk from here.

Pinky. We're being set up.

Pinky!

They're on the lot.

These guys gotta be like really dim bulbs to fall for this, man.

You gotta understand Pinky's mind.

The man's a complete egomaniac.

Listen, Pinky,

if we haven't been spotted already, we're sure gonna be.

Oh, you can go. I don't blame you for watching your fanny.

They're my movies and I'll get 'em back.

No, what I'm saying is, we ought to look around first.

Find the movies. Then see what we can do.

Wait, wait, wait.

You really want to stay with me?

Pigheaded old man that I am?

Yes.

But I want to go into this with a plan, you know?

You know? I like you, kid. You're okay.

But I got no time for a plan.

Look at him. Still cocky.

He doesn't know that he's about to pay me back

for cheating me out of what's rightfully mine.

Ours, dude.

Don't forget, I spent three months playing security guard.

Plus, if we off the old man, I can go up for murder just like you.

Neil, Pinky Burnette is an old man

with unsteady legs and a heart condition, get it?

If he has an accident or a heart attack, there won't be any murder charges.

That works for me. Good, Neil.

Hey, you know what I'm gonna do with my share, man?

I'm gonna make a slasher movie.

I'm gonna be a filmmaker just like you, Karl!

Come on, take meetings, uh, do lunch.

Audition girls in bikinis.

This is the truck.

No movies.

All right, Pinky, you stay here, out of sight.

I'll try and get a closer look.

Are you gonna stay here?

Cross my heart.

He's burning my movies again!

I'm not afraid of you, Banky!

Get ahold of yourself, Pinky. You don't believe in ghosts.

The man's a bigger fool than I thought.

Oh! Oh, boy.

Pinky?

Damn!

Pinky?

Who is this stud?

You said four flat tires was gonna lose him.

Now what are we gonna do with him?

Whatever we have to, Neil.

Pinky?

Don't move, Pinky.

Come on, Pinky. Slow down, will you?

Doggone it!

Pinky, stop!

Snakes!

Pinky?

He's not falling, Karl.

And if he doesn't fall, he doesn't die.

Don't rush the moment, Mr. Filmmaker.

It's all right. It's all right.

I'm terrified of snakes.

Pinky, they're only rubber.

See?

That's a load off my mind.

I'm ready to talk about a plan, MacGyver.

All right, Pinky! Huh?

In my back pocket, there's a knife. Grab it.

God...

Now, give me your wallet.

What are you going to do, rob me or save me?

Just give me the wallet!

All right. Now open it.

Hold it by the end, real tight. Uh-huh.

Okay, okay...

Okay. Shimmy over.

Okay.

Now on the count of three, I'm gonna let go of the catwalk.

You call this a plan?

Just hang on.

You ready? NEIL: Hey.

What is this dude up to?

Nothing that's gonna do 'em any good.

One! Huh?

Two, three!

Whoa! Oh, whoa!

This dude is like so fully awesome!

Don't start a fan club just yet, Neil.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. That was spectacular!

Just like Douglas Fairbanks in The Black Pirate.

Yeah. Here's your wallet. Let's get out of here, what do you think?

Oh, come on.

What's that?

Nitro. Bum ticker.

It's my suitcase. Again.

This time, it looks like, it looks like the real thing.

Well how many of those did they have?

Oh, you know property departments.

They made four or five out of everything.

Oh, yes! Okay. Bull's eye!

All right, Karl, now, nothing fancy. Let's just go down there

and croak 'em, a little lead in the head, bang-bang, they're dead.

Death by shooting brings the cops, Neil. I don't want that.

What we need is an accident here, see?

Something a little more subtle than bang-bang, they're dead.

That's gas, Pinky! Don't breathe it!

God...

Pinky? Mmm...

Pinky. Mmm...

Pinky!

This scene look familiar?

Oh...

The Hobo.

Yeah.

I was chained to a track with Violet.

I saved her by...

By kicking the switch to a side track.

No side track.

Where's Rex, the wonder dog, when you need him?

There's a train coming!

Now is not a time to panic, Pinky.

Are you kidding?

Now's the perfect time to panic!

Oh, God. Oh, oh, my heart,

it's just going crazy!

Oh, my heart...

Hang in there, Pinky, I think it's...

Pinky?

Pinky?

Pinky!

Oh, no!

Uh...

Where...

Where are we?

Another sound stage. Huh?

Look. Huh?

Floorboards. Huh...

How are you feeling? Uh...

Just a little run down.

See?

Way to go, Mr. Movie Magic.

The old man's heart is stronger than I thought.

Even if he had a coronary, it still leaves the brainy dude.

I say we do 'em now, man, both of 'em!

Neil, I hired you to help me, not to do my thinking.

Karl.

You think I'm stupid?

Are your feelings hurt, Neil?

Yeah. I got feelings.

Okay, so I'm no rocket scientist.

But I'm smart enough to be a producer.

Or to snuff the guy who stole my ticket to the top.

What about you?

I'll take care of Pinky and his friend my way, dude.

Now come on, let's get this done.

How are we gonna get off this track?

We'll unchain you, Pinky. I got one last surprise for the two of you.

Then it's a wrap.

Banky?

You tried to kill me.

You... you dirty rat.

Who does your plastic surgery?

You're not funny. You never were.

Unchain 'em, Neil.

Who... Who are you?

My name's Karl Meredith. Ring any bells for you?

Violet Meredith was my mother. Karl Banky was my father.

No. No.

No, that would be impossible. Uh-uh.

Karl he... he was a bachelor. His whole life.

A loner.

That's how well you knew them.

They were married secretly.

So their fans would think they were still single.

My father died a month before I was born.

I never took his name.

Violet Meredith, she... she hated Karl.

No. You were the one she couldn't stand.

She adored my father. But you...

You swindled both of them out of all their profits.

No! Those... those movies were mine!

I never wanted the studio. Only my work.

You ran up debts.

When you left, my father was stuck with all the bills.

He ran up those bills.

He ran 'em up because he only made special effects pictures!

If he were working today, I tell you,

he'd make Terminator 2 look like a low-budget movie.

Your dad agreed to a deal, Meredith.

He must have thought he could turn the studio around.

No way. Not without Pinky. They were a team.

My mother told me how he died.

Slowly, painfully.

The settlement you forced on him broke him.

You killed him, Burnette.

Maybe now...

Maybe now he can rest in peace.

Outside.

Outside, move it.

What about my movies?

They've been in the office safe the entire time.

And I got to thank you, Pinky, for finding them.

You know of course that when you die

the rights to all of your films revert back to my mother's estate.

You'll be happy to know that I'm the sole heir.

What? Go.

Is that true? Was that the deal?

It was part of the settlement with Banky.

You see, Violet was a silent partner of Two Stars.

But when she disappeared, I... I just never thought it would happen.

Move out.

Come on.

My mother always told me how much you enjoyed working in the tank, Pinky.

Can you tread water?

Of course I can tread water.

But I can also swallow it!

Oh, I hate this tank!

Sooner or later, you're gonna get tired, Pinky. Dead tired.

Pull up the rope ladder, Neil.

The water that you're about to inhale was piped in from the Mojave river.

That's where the cops are going to find your bodies.

So, no one will never know that you drowned on my father's old lot.

I like it.

Gee, that means the world to me, Neil.

Like father, like son, Karl!

Your father played a killer. But you are one!

Oh...

Meredith was right.

I can't keep up long like this.

Hang on, Pinky.

Pinky... Uh-huh?

If you stood on my shoulders... Yeah?

Think you could grab that hose? I don't know.

Let's give it a go, huh?

You ready?

Think you can stay up by yourself for a few seconds?

Yeah, I think so. All right.

Hey, do you think it's safe to leave 'em there?

How are they gonna get out, Neil? I don't know.

Well, think about it. Their hands are chained. They got no exit ladder.

They'll drown by the time we pick up the films and get back here.

Then we put 'em in the back of the truck, head for the river. Simple.

There...

Can you tread a little longer? No.

Well, you have to.

Oh!

You... you did it!

Oh...

Hey, what are you going to do with your share of the film profits?

I don't know, maybe start a special effects house.

I hope it comes out better than the stuff you rigged here.

Don't laugh at me, you little son of a...

I will not be laughed at by a man

whose chief ambition in life is to produce slasher films!

Chill out, dude.

You're losing your sense of humor.

Oh, oh, Stop. Stop.

I gotta... Oh, I gotta stop.

One of these days,

I'm gonna tell you how old I am, and it'll scare you to death.

All right, listen. Think you can make it to the hotel down the street?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I could use a bath and a good meal.

The brainy dude.

He's some sort of Houdini or something.

I'm not finished with those two yet! No, I say that you are!

And no more special effects.

Just bullets. Plain bullets.

Okay, Neil. Okay.

Oh, look at that.

Well, I gotta hand it to you, kid.

You know that hose gag and this, this hinge bit.

You're the second most original thinker that I ever met.

Thanks.

I, uh...

I got a confession to make, kid.

I get the movies back, or I don't.

This has been the most exhilarating day I've had in 60 years.

Okay.

I don't think I can run anymore, MacGyver.

You're not gonna have to, Pinky.

We're gonna make our stand, right here.

Anything I can do to help?

Well, I'm gonna need a little time.

You think you can keep those guys busy for a while?

Are you kidding? Why...

I can do five minutes, standing on my head. Ha!

Hold it! Back it up.

I think I just saw Pinky.

God, the old man's gone goofy.

Move it.

Come on. Yeah, come on...

Right into the trap.

That's for MacGyver's tires.

Oh, man! This is so bogus!

Come on, Neil!

Don't shoot us. We surrender.

Watch out, Neil. It could be a trick.

No way.

Let's rock and roll.

It's over, dude-skies.

Nice try.

I don't like it.

They're up to something. No way, man.

It's over.

Nothing personal, boys,

but I'm gonna put you out of the misery that Karl here's been creating.

Now drop your arms.

See, I don't want the autopsy to show

that their hands were up when this on-duty peace officer plugged 'em.

I said, drop 'em!

You did it, Pinky!

No, it wasn't me. Uh-uh.

It was you and me.

As a team.

A great team, that's what it was. Yeah.

It was, well, it was like Laurel and Hardy.

Or... or the Marx Brothers or Abbott and Costello.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, they're here. They're all here.

Can't you hear 'em?

It's movie magic.

Oh, God, I love this business!

♪

Hey, Pinky. Why aren't you inside?

Oh, I'm just too nervous.

I... I was shaking so much inside that...

They were laughing at me instead of my movies.

No, no, they love 'em.

No.

Come on, Pinky, the movies are great. They're very funny.

Well, I, I did get a sweet distribution deal.

And an offer, to star in a big picture.

You see? That's terrific! What are you worried about here?

Well, I don't know, I don't know, I mean, I don't know.

It's just... just... I'm not used to being back in the business.

Reborn. A star.

Oh, tell me I'm not just daydreaming.

I think that's your answer.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, but, you know there are no kids in there.

I don't think the kids are gonna like 'em, do you?

Pinky! Were you always this nervous in the old days?

Well, I... Of course I was nervous.

I... I... I invented the word "nervous."

I mean, I was what they called a... a basket case.

Well, guess what?

You're back.

All the way back.

You're right.

I'm back! I'm back.

I am back!