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1
00:00:03,469 --> 00:00:05,506
♪♪♪ (theme)
2
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,687
♪ A cottage small
is all I'm after ♪
3
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:58,191
♪ Not one that's
spacious and wide ♪
4
00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:01,695
♪ A house that brings you
joy and laughter ♪
5
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:06,166
♪ And the ones
you love inside ♪
6
00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:10,303
♪ Some like the high road,
I like the low road ♪
7
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:13,707
♪ Free from the
care and strife ♪
8
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,342
♪ Sounds corny and seedy ♪
9
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:18,311
♪ But yes indeedy ♪
10
00:01:18,344 --> 00:01:20,847
♪ Give me ♪
11
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,283
♪ The simple life ♪
12
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,394
How about that?
Weren't they wonderful?
13
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:35,829
Hey, whaddaya say
out there?
14
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:36,897
How about that, huh?
15
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,231
Let's hear it out there.
16
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,200
The lovely Miller Sisters.
17
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:42,703
See you later, girls.
Go to my dressing room
and lie down.
18
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,671
(man laughing)
19
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,306
They really are wonderful,
20
00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:48,241
and it's a lot of fun
traveling with them.
21
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,410
Of course, they keep us
in separate cages.
22
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,813
Not that I can't be trusted.
23
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,480
I happen to be married
24
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:56,316
to a woman
who's a terrific sport.
25
00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:57,551
She even looks
like Joe DiMaggio.
26
00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:58,585
(laughing)
27
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,521
(chatter)
28
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,223
Joe DiMaggio? Yeah,
she's so ugly that‐‐
29
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:04,891
Anybody out there,
or have we been captured?
30
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,527
(rim shot)
31
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,461
But all kidding aside,
32
00:02:08,494 --> 00:02:11,732
I just want to say
to all you guys and nurses
33
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,300
what a thrill it is to be
here in Korea with you.
34
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,436
I mean, we're all
in this together, right?
35
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,577
That guy's first.
Get this guy inside.
36
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,445
We're debride his leg
under local.
37
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:26,880
Give him a third of
a grain of morphine.
38
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:28,314
Hold on, Pierce. A quarter
of a grain's enough.
39
00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:29,482
‐A third.
‐Stop!
40
00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:30,851
Are you going
over my head?
41
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,352
No, just through
the hole in it.
42
00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:33,419
‐Go ahead.
‐Now you hold it!
43
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:34,555
And that's an order!
44
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,557
Move!
That's a threat!
45
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,559
This happens to be
a gold oak leaf.
46
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,794
I thought it was a little
big for dandruff.
47
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,495
Look, Frank, he's a big guy.
He's in severe pain.
48
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,297
He can handle
a third of a grain.
49
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,366
If not, there's an
anesthesiologist inside
50
00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:47,968
to support breathing.
Go do what I said.
51
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,469
I'll take responsibility.
52
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,804
Informed opinion
says a quarter.
53
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:53,206
Informed opinion wasn't
lying on a stretcher
54
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:54,575
with a boot full
of blood.
55
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:57,511
You've insulted me
in the presence of others
56
00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:58,745
for the last time.
57
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,314
Don't forget
your hat, Frank.
58
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:05,952
So this guy with laryngitis,
59
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,821
he goes to the doctor's
office, he walks in,
60
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,724
and he sees a beautiful nurse.
But I mean beautiful.
61
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,559
I mean, she's built
like a brick hospital.
62
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:13,860
(rim shot)
63
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,629
Ha ha ha. Down, Charlie.
64
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,330
So he walks in,
the guy with laryngitis,
65
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,965
and he says, (whisper)
"Is the doctor in?"
66
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:21,568
And the nurse winks and says
(whisper) "No, come on in."
67
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:25,005
Yeah, but really, though,
68
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,241
I know how hard you medics
and nurses really work.
69
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:30,443
I really do. Although...
70
00:03:30,476 --> 00:03:32,412
I wouldn't mind being paid
for playin' doctor, though.
71
00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:33,780
‐I can tell you that.
‐(rim shot)
72
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,481
How am I doin'?
73
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,017
Not too good, Trapper.
74
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,252
His BP's low.
75
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:41,021
His pulse is rapid.
76
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,789
Give me another
unit of blood.
77
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,424
I gotta go
into his chest.
78
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:45,759
This could take a while.
79
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,361
I hope he doesn't
have a late date.
80
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,930
Is it absolutely
necessary to make
81
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,765
bad jokes while
you're operating?
82
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:52,999
Absolutely.
83
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,669
‐Scalpel.
‐Scalpel.
84
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:57,638
I've found it invaluable
to make bad jokes
85
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,573
ever since I did
my first autopsy
86
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:01,241
when my colleagues put
a kidney under my cap.
87
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,712
‐Sponge.
‐Sponge.
88
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,415
Okay, how am I
doin' now?
89
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:11,785
You're fine.
He's in trouble.
90
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,427
Can I be of any help?
91
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:22,929
You can pray for me
to become a better doctor
92
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,065
in the next
five minutes.
93
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,533
Excuse me, Father.
94
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:32,806
MILLER SISTERS:
♪ Why don't we do
this more often ♪
95
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:36,910
♪ Just what we're
doin' tonight ♪
96
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:41,615
♪ Gee, but it's great
to get together again ♪
97
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:45,519
♪ Why does it only
happen now and then? ♪
98
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:50,056
♪ We ought to do
this more often ♪
99
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:54,528
♪ Don't you agree
that I'm right ♪
100
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,630
♪ We make each other laugh ♪
101
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,732
♪ We make each other sing ♪
102
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,667
Why aren't you out there
at the switchboard?
103
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,102
Well, you asked me
to come in the office.
104
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,070
Well, they could phone
about my wife at any minute.
105
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,706
Well, you just spoke
to the hospital.
106
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,073
She hasn't even
gone into labor yet.
107
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,409
Don't argue with me!
108
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:10,977
It's bad enough
that she's having a baby
109
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,713
and I can't even
be there with her.
110
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:13,814
Yes, sir.
111
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,685
Well, at least you were there
for the important part.
112
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,760
♪ Just what we're
doin' tonight ♪
113
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,466
(applause, whistling)
114
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,736
You know that ancient
joke about the guy
115
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,805
who saves his regiment?
Shoots the cook?
116
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,007
No, how's it go?
117
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,713
Uh, Kaplan,
pass the salt.
118
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:47,748
No.
119
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:48,949
I beg your pardon?
120
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,584
You're looking
at one dentist
121
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:51,918
who's not touching anything
122
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,588
that hasn't been checked
by the bomb squad.
123
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,690
You been taking rides
in your chair again, Kaplan?
124
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,024
You know that
makes you dizzy.
125
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,526
Reach into my pocket.
126
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,594
I hardly know you.
127
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:01,662
My shirt pocket.
128
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,632
Those are my travel orders.
I'm going home today.
129
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,800
No kidding.
130
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:10,403
You mind if I look at these
for drooling purposes?
131
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:11,972
You unfold it.
If I do it,
132
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,540
I could get a paper cut.
133
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,375
I'm not having any
last‐minute infections.
134
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,046
Aren't you stretching
things a bit?
135
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,583
I haven't even used
the latrine in 18 hours.
136
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,719
Now that's something
I didn't have to know.
137
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,120
In my pocket.
138
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,991
Can't be too careful.
139
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,659
Friend of mine
got his orders,
140
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,528
broke his leg
the next day.
141
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,763
Got it tangled in a nurse
at his farewell party.
142
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,000
Well, you got a good
point there, Kaplan.
143
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:40,967
Good luck.
144
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:47,473
♪ Again ♪
145
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:55,181
♪ This couldn't
happen again ♪
146
00:06:55,215 --> 00:07:02,122
♪ This is that once
in a lifetime ♪
147
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:08,895
♪ This is the thrill divine ♪
148
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,797
You're not eating,
Father.
149
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,232
You know something
I don't know?
150
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,234
Something's
troubling me, Hawkeye.
151
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,002
Think of me as
your mother, Father.
152
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:19,740
May I make a confession?
153
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,208
As long as you don't
use any real names.
154
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:25,178
For some time now,
I've been comparing
155
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,213
the disparity
of our callings.
156
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,783
Doctor versus priest.
157
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:32,152
You fellows are
always able to see
158
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,888
the end result
of your work.
159
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:37,624
I mean, you know
immediately
160
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,993
if you've been successful.
161
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,095
For me, the results
are far less tangible.
162
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:48,635
Sometimes‐‐
most of the time‐‐
163
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:52,673
I‐I honestly don't
know whether I'm doing
any good or not.
164
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,114
(sigh)
165
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,216
I used to have a professor
in med school
166
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,519
who always said,
"God cures the patients,
167
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:07,153
"but the doctor
takes the fee."
168
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,255
Do you think that's true?
169
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,994
I'm able to do a lot
of things in surgery
170
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,829
that I'm not really
good enough to do.
171
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:19,766
(sigh)
172
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,735
Thanks, Hawkeye.
173
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:28,675
♪ But never, never again ♪
174
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:34,781
♪ Never again ♪
175
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,585
(applause, cheering)
176
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:41,888
‐Give me some suction.
‐Yes, Doctor.
177
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,257
Feels like someone used
my eyeballs for a teabag.
178
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:47,327
Nurse!
179
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,030
Trapper, you better
not be much longer.
180
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:53,867
‐Clamp?
‐Clamp. Thanks.
181
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:57,771
Okay, come on.
Stay with us, will ya?
182
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,115
Hello? Hello, uh,
Bloomington, Illinois?
183
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:43,650
Uh, yes,
General Hospital?
184
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,085
You got them?
185
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:48,121
Uh, I'm calling
about Mrs. Henry Blake.
186
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,322
Uh, Maternity.
187
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:51,257
Ah, right.
She's pregnant...
188
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,126
you know, with a baby.
189
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,995
Yeah?
Well, okay, okay.
190
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,163
They're ringing
her room.
191
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,365
Boy, can you imagine?
Can you imagine?
192
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,668
I am becoming a father
for the third time.
193
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,904
‐Oh, yes, sir.
‐"Oh, yes, sir" is right.
194
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,606
They know what
causes that now.
195
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:09,042
‐What are they doing?
‐Hello? Yes?
196
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:10,911
I'm still holding,
operator.
197
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,646
Why am I so nervous?
198
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,248
For gosh sakes, she's got
the best obstetrician in town,
199
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,883
Marv Handleman.
200
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,019
He could deliver a baby
with his eyes shut.
201
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,354
That's the only way
I'd do it, sir.
202
00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:23,857
Yes? What?
203
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:26,292
Are you sure?
204
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,994
‐Uh, sir?
‐What?
205
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,395
She's not there anymore.
206
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,064
What d'ya mean,
she's not there anymore?
207
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,366
Uh, w‐w‐we'll get
right back to ya.
208
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:36,002
‐I‐I just‐‐
‐No, it's all right.
209
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,303
Uh, they sent her home.
210
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,840
She had a false labor.
211
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,207
She had a what?
212
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,976
A false labor?
213
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,947
‐Radar?
‐Steady, sir.
214
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,382
‐I'm not gonna make it.
‐Steady, sir.
215
00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:52,786
Just sit.
Okay.
216
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,055
Everything's
gonna be fine.
217
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,090
Would you believe
that I've got a craving
218
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,825
for dill pickles?
219
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,733
That's the last
of the shrapnel.
220
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,703
Better close him fast.
221
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,037
Give me some 3‐0 silk.
222
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,405
Right here.
223
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:13,840
I've lost the pulse.
224
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,776
I'm gonna massage
the heart.
225
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,210
Get some
adrenaline ready.
226
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,248
Hang on, damn it.
227
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,416
Still no pulse.
228
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:24,417
Adrenaline!
229
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:25,451
Let's go! Let's go!
230
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:26,452
It's going again.
231
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:29,189
But it's irregular.
232
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,927
Oh, damn it.
233
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,927
Aah!
234
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,079
Yes, operator, go ahead,
I can hear you.
235
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:29,215
Seven pounds,
two ounces, 21 inches?
236
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,351
What's, uh, seven pounds,
two ounces?
237
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,418
Your son, sir.
238
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,022
My son?
239
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,458
My wife's had a boy?
240
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,293
Well, it isn't
a girl‐son, sir.
241
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:42,462
Your wife is
doing just fine.
242
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,297
It's the hospital.
243
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,866
The hospital?
244
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,167
Oh, yeah.
245
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,035
Uh, listen.
246
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,204
Uh, tell Mildred‐‐
uh, Mrs. Blake‐‐
247
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:54,340
that her husband Henry,
uh, loves her very much.
248
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,042
‐She didn't hear your name.
‐And that I'll‐‐ What?
249
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,477
‐She didn't hear your name.
‐Henry.
250
00:12:57,511 --> 00:13:01,314
H as in‐‐ Never mind.
She knows my name.
251
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,550
Um, just tell her
that I love her
252
00:13:03,584 --> 00:13:05,118
and that I'll call her
253
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,020
and that, uh, all my
labor pains have stopped.
254
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:08,254
Goodbye.
255
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:21,001
Congratulations, sir.
256
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,869
Thanks, Radar.
257
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,305
A son, a boy.
258
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,847
(laughing) Oh, oh!
So‐so‐so this woman gets up
259
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,448
real close to the guy
in the sailor suit,
260
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,552
and she says, "And so what
kind of doctor are you?"
261
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,921
Guy says "Me?
I'm a naval doctor."
262
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,556
And she says, "Boy,
when you specialize,
263
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,190
"you really specialize."
264
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,892
(crowd laughter)
265
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,328
Ohh, so it's that
kind of a crowd, huh?
266
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,931
You really go for the
sophisticated stuff, huh?
267
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:45,185
♪ I had the craziest dream ♪
268
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:52,158
♪ Last night, yes, I did ♪
269
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:57,631
♪ I never dreamt
it could be ♪
270
00:14:57,664 --> 00:15:01,301
♪ Yet there you were ♪
271
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:04,671
♪ In love with me ♪
272
00:15:04,705 --> 00:15:09,042
♪ I found your lips
close to mine ♪
273
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,944
♪ So I kissed you ♪
274
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:14,981
♪ And you didn't
mind it at all ♪
275
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,117
♪ Not at all ♪
276
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,385
You've never had
any children, have you?
277
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,688
Being single, it never
seemed a wise move.
278
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,492
It's too bad.
It's a great feeling.
279
00:15:28,729 --> 00:15:31,231
Then why do you sound
like a hit‐and‐run victim?
280
00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:34,701
Me?
281
00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:36,603
(sigh)
I couldn't be happier.
282
00:15:36,637 --> 00:15:38,138
Oh, come on, Henry.
There's no disgrace
283
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,573
in admitting
you're depressed
284
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,974
because you can't be
with your new baby.
285
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:42,609
‐Yeah?
‐Yeah.
286
00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:45,278
Inasmuch as no umbilical
cord reaches 20,000 miles.
287
00:15:50,651 --> 00:15:52,553
Here's to your
new son, Henry.
288
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,323
Yeah. Yeah.
289
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,726
But let's hope I meet him
before he gets drafted
290
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,595
and sent over here.
291
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,666
♪ Say it and make ♪
292
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:08,769
♪ My craziest dream ♪
293
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:15,609
♪ Come true ♪
294
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:21,414
Let's hear it for the girls!
What do you say?
295
00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:24,250
How about this band?
296
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,686
They're going to do
a little number
297
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:27,387
for you right now,
but first I gotta tell you
298
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,355
‐about Charlie the drummer.
‐(rim shot)
299
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,324
Charlie served
in World War II.
300
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,393
You remember World War II.
It was in all the papers.
301
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,463
What'd he‐‐ What'd he say?
302
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,266
Uh...
303
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,235
I didn't really hear.
304
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,470
One day, Charlie finds
himself in a field hospital
305
00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:46,039
with a sheet over his head.
306
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,473
He pulls the sheet down
and sees himself
307
00:16:47,508 --> 00:16:49,342
being wheeled away
on a stretcher.
308
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:51,311
He turns to the the orderly
and says, "Where we goin'?"
309
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,046
The orderly says,
"To be buried."
310
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:54,648
He says, "But I'm not dead."
311
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,550
The orderly says, "Wanna make
a fool outta the doctor?"
312
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:59,119
It doesn't look good, Trapper.
313
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:01,154
Hey, you did
your best.
314
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,289
Too bad
it was so lousy.
315
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,759
Hey, what's goin' on?
316
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,493
There's a rumor
you three eloped.
317
00:17:08,829 --> 00:17:10,831
I started out
to be an architect.
318
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,766
Couldn't handle
the math.
319
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,400
Why don't you
get some rest?
320
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,302
Over here, Father.
We need some cross action.
321
00:17:38,659 --> 00:17:40,561
The blood pressure
is still low,
322
00:17:40,594 --> 00:17:41,795
but it's better.
323
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:45,065
Hang another
unit of blood.
324
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,402
What was that about not being
sure you did any good?
325
00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:52,405
It's not supposed to work
that way, you know?
326
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,616
All right,
now go hit the sack
327
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,285
or I'll report you to the
doctors and the architects.
328
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,690
I'll take care of him.
Come on.
329
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:21,434
You know something?
Those two could wind up‐‐
330
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:22,769
Uh, yes?
331
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,407
Rolling Easter eggs.
332
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,714
♪♪♪
333
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,826
Captain Kaplan?
Pile in, sir.
334
00:19:19,860 --> 00:19:21,494
Move over.
335
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,396
You think I'm putting
my life in your hands?
336
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:24,898
What are you, 19?
337
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,399
Uh, 18, sir.
338
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,301
My feet have corns
older than you are.
339
00:19:30,804 --> 00:19:32,338
What is that?
A disinfectant?
340
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,641
Who knows where this
kid's hands have been?
341
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,377
Goodbye, Doctor.
342
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,312
Please, Nurse,
no offense.
343
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,648
I'm a dentist.
I know.
344
00:19:41,682 --> 00:19:43,517
The mouth is
a playground for germs.
345
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:44,951
If the tongue
weren't attached,
346
00:19:44,985 --> 00:19:46,953
it would jump out
in a minute.
347
00:19:46,987 --> 00:19:49,590
Is‐Is it possible to
bless a jeep, Father?
348
00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:51,291
Consider it done.
349
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:52,793
Hey, look, sir,
we better get going.
350
00:19:52,826 --> 00:19:54,460
You have a plane
to catch.
351
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,262
Don't remind me.
Even as we're talking,
352
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:57,463
the propeller's
getting older.
353
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,933
Well, goodbye,
everybody.
354
00:20:04,505 --> 00:20:06,607
‐Lucky man.
‐Certainly is.
355
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,576
(horn honking)
356
00:20:09,610 --> 00:20:11,477
(tires screeching)
357
00:20:11,512 --> 00:20:12,746
(crash)
358
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:15,949
(horn honking)
359
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,718
I knew it! Did I know it?
360
00:20:17,751 --> 00:20:19,586
Did I know‐‐ did I say it?
361
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:21,321
I said it from
the very beginning.
362
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:22,956
‐Jinxed.
‐Look,
363
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,759
anybody can step
on the gas instead
of the brake.
364
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:28,795
‐How's the driver?
‐The kid's okay.
365
00:20:28,829 --> 00:20:31,565
Figures! I'm going home,
I'm in pieces!
366
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:34,334
He's staying here,
he didn't bust a pimple.
367
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,737
You know how I'm getting
home when the time comes?
368
00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:37,971
I'm walking!
369
00:20:42,876 --> 00:20:45,278
You're not
leaving me alone!
370
00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:50,316
Would you like
a surprise, sir?
371
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:52,586
Yes, I would. I'd like
to be stolen by gypsies
372
00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:55,922
and taken to their camp
in Bloomington, Illinois.
373
00:20:55,956 --> 00:20:57,624
Close your eyes.
374
00:20:57,658 --> 00:21:00,694
Radar, this is not a good
day for playing games.
375
00:21:02,796 --> 00:21:03,997
Please?
376
00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:09,302
Yeah.
377
00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:11,605
Okay, now,
no peeking now.
378
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:12,639
Yeah.
379
00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:19,012
Well?
380
00:21:19,045 --> 00:21:20,446
Just a minute.
381
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:24,651
Oh, boy.
382
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:27,521
‐I'm coming.
‐Mm‐hmm.
383
00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:31,057
Can I open my eyes yet?
384
00:21:31,091 --> 00:21:32,325
Not yet.
385
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:37,998
Hold out your hands.
386
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,368
Okay, open 'em.
387
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:51,011
Oh. Oh, don't cry.
388
00:21:51,044 --> 00:21:54,014
Radar, where did
this baby come from?
389
00:21:54,047 --> 00:21:55,949
(baby fussing)
390
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:04,525
You're not in any kind of,
uh, trouble, are you, kid?
391
00:22:04,558 --> 00:22:05,959
Oh, no, no, sir.
392
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:09,362
Uh, his mother works
in the camp laundry.
393
00:22:10,731 --> 00:22:12,398
(baby fussing)
394
00:22:22,643 --> 00:22:24,110
I just thought,
395
00:22:24,144 --> 00:22:25,979
since you couldn't get
to see your own son...
396
00:22:34,721 --> 00:22:37,758
He's, uh, he's
a beautiful boy.
397
00:22:37,791 --> 00:22:39,793
(speaking Korean)
398
00:22:43,029 --> 00:22:45,131
Can she speak
English, Radar?
399
00:22:45,165 --> 00:22:46,633
Uh, no, sir.
400
00:22:48,101 --> 00:22:50,671
But it's nice you
could smile in Korean.
401
00:22:53,473 --> 00:22:55,709
Aww.
402
00:22:55,742 --> 00:22:59,412
Well, I guess we'd
better get back to work.
403
00:22:59,445 --> 00:23:00,681
Yes, sir.
404
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:02,916
(baby fussing)
405
00:23:05,619 --> 00:23:06,787
Sir?
406
00:23:08,121 --> 00:23:09,823
In a minute.
407
00:23:12,926 --> 00:23:16,863
♪ You make me feel so young ♪
408
00:23:16,897 --> 00:23:19,966
♪ You make me feel there
are songs to be sung ♪
409
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,702
♪ Bells to be rung ♪
410
00:23:21,735 --> 00:23:25,839
♪ And a wonderful
fling to be flung ♪
411
00:23:25,872 --> 00:23:29,510
♪ And even when
I'm old and gray ♪
412
00:23:29,543 --> 00:23:33,947
♪ I'm gonna feel
the way I feel today ♪
413
00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:38,018
♪ 'cause you make
me feel so ♪
414
00:23:38,051 --> 00:23:41,955
♪ You make me feel so ♪
415
00:23:41,988 --> 00:23:46,059
♪ You make me feel so young ♪
416
00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:48,461
♪ So young ♪
417
00:23:48,494 --> 00:23:50,196
(cheers, applause)
418
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:03,143
Just wait a second.
419
00:24:05,779 --> 00:24:09,149
♪♪♪ ("The Stars
and Stripes Forever")
420
00:24:09,182 --> 00:24:11,552
(cheering, whistling)
421
00:24:27,768 --> 00:24:29,736
It's been both a ball,
an honor, and a privilege
422
00:24:29,770 --> 00:24:31,137
meeting with you like this,
423
00:24:31,171 --> 00:24:32,706
but I can see it's time to go
424
00:24:32,739 --> 00:24:33,974
because they're winding up
425
00:24:34,007 --> 00:24:35,241
the rubber band
on the old airplane.
426
00:24:35,275 --> 00:24:36,910
So on behalf of
the Miller Sisters,
427
00:24:36,943 --> 00:24:37,944
let's hear it!
428
00:24:37,978 --> 00:24:39,646
(applause)
429
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,215
Charlie Keller and his
Clan of Lunatics.
430
00:24:42,248 --> 00:24:43,249
(rim shot)
431
00:24:43,283 --> 00:24:45,552
And me, yes sirree,
432
00:24:45,586 --> 00:24:47,287
in person, Jackie Flash,
433
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,722
saying that we'll be back
434
00:24:48,755 --> 00:24:50,290
to see you again real soon‐‐
435
00:24:50,323 --> 00:24:53,794
Same time, same place,
same war.
436
00:24:53,827 --> 00:24:55,629
So long now, and God bless ya.
437
00:24:55,662 --> 00:24:57,731
Yes, sir, let's hear it
out there.
438
00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:09,876
♪♪♪ (theme)
30662
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