All language subtitles for MASH.S01E08.Cowboy.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪♪ (theme)

MAN ON P. A.:
Attention! Attention!

Casualties arriving
on the pad.

We've got another
delivery from the Cowboy.

Hawkeye!

‐Hawkeye!
‐I'm gonna count to one,

and then you better
be outta here.

Sir, I hate to wake you.

How would you like me
to take out your tonsils
through your ear?

You're needed
in surgery.

That figures.

Ten minutes' sleep a week
oughta be enough for anybody.

I'd give anything
to be able to see

the inside of my eyelids.

Cowboy just got back
from another run.

Doesn't that guy ever sleep?

He will now.
He's been hit in
the shoulder.

‐Get us some coffee.
‐Anything else?

Yeah, two blondes,
sunny‐side up.

Not the Cowboy again?

Same guy,
different shoulder.

I'm thinking of
putting in zippers.

He gonna be all right?

Unless somebody
shoots him in here.

What do you think, Father?
Should I sign it?

Uh, this the one
Cowboy brought in?

Yeah, he lost
a lot of blood.

‐Goldstein.
‐Think he'd mind?

(praying in Hebrew)

Funny, he doesn't
look it.

Whatever you say, Father.

Oh, I see the mark
of the mad butcher.

‐How do they feel?
‐They hurt like hell.

Well, then, I'll just cancel
your tango lessons.

Serious, doc.
What do you think of my legs?

Well, I'm a fanny man, myself,

but I'm sure you'll be
walking around in two weeks.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, yeah, we do
quality work here.

Well, Cowboy,
the Indians struck again.

Shoot, I've been hurt worse
rollin' a cigarette.

When do I get outta here?

A few days.
Can I get you anything?

Would you check on the mail?
I've been expecting a letter.

I think The Pony Express
has been through, already.

‐Something wrong?
‐Could be.

But it ain't nothin'
I can fix from here.

Say, is this thing bad enough
I can get sent home?

Even for a little while?

I'll see what
I can do, huh?

Come on, Frank!
Out of the way!

You're not going anywhere
in that, McIntyre.

This jeep is the property

of the United States Army
in general

and Colonel Blake
in particular, and as such

is to be used for
the official duties thereof
and nothing else.

Frank, you're sucking around
to become a hit and run case.

‐Move!
‐Over my dead body.

Great idea!

‐I dare you.
‐Now listen, Frank.

Yeah?

I have just completed
three straight days

of surgery without rest.

And this nurse and I
are going out to do
some nature study.

So if you don't want
to become hood ornament,
you better move!

What's going on here?
What is all the gaff?

Colonel Blake,
this man is about to
pilfer your jeep!

‐Is that right, McIntyre?
‐No, sir.

I was not pilfering.
I was stealing.

Listen, haven't
I got enough problems
without your‐‐

‐Sir?
‐Not now, Radar.

Now I assume
that you have a good reason
for wanting the jeep.

He has not.

‐I'm talking to him.
‐Sir?

No. McIntyre‐‐
Look, Henry.

It's my curve ball.
It's hanging.

Won't come in over the plate.

This here's my pitching coach.

She may not look it,
but she's already
straightened out my screwball.

She's got great stuff.

‐Nurse, out. Dis‐enjeep.
‐Hold it!

And you, Captain,
you'll have to find some other
means of transportation.

I am not running a personal
taxi service here.

Ha ha.

‐Knock it off, Burns.
‐Sir?

Police that butt, soldier.

Sir, you wanted to sign this?

I don't want to sign anything.

You sign it.

Sir, would you sign
that I signed?

I'll sign that.

Comfy?

Hey, you got
a minute, Henry?

Oh, yeah, I got
a lot of minutes,

and each one's worse
than the one before.

Ah‐ah‐ah.
Don't get up.

Let me just pretend
that you're in charge
of this nut house.

I got a problem.

Who is she?

Cowboy's X‐ray.

We cleaned a mess of shrapnel
out of his right shoulder.

I think we should give him
a ticket stateside.

It doesn't look
all that serious.

Yeah, but I think
he's got something
at home that is.

Well, who doesn't?

I mean, I left a going
practice and a wife

with a fistful
of credit cards.

Excuse me.

Come on, Henry,
show me there's a heart

under that dirty T‐shirt.

Not this time, Pierce.

He's gonna be very unhappy.

Well, you know, I don't
remember the draft board

promising any of us
a lot of laughs.

Then your final word is "no"?

Either that or "good‐bye".

It's multiple choice.

What are you doing here?

Catching up
on my sulking.

I thought you had
a date with a nurse.

Two, one this afternoon,
one tonight.

The season's first
double‐header.

So what happened?

Game called on
account of Henry.

He took away my wheels.
Taste that.

He just turned me down
in letting Cowboy go home.

I think he's
going sour on us.

Maybe he needs
some relaxation.

This place is eating
away his brain,

which I grant you is
only an hors d'oeuvre.

Okay, uh, Henry,
you may have the honor.

Uh, which way is
the course?

Uh, out there.

Trapper and I laid
this out ourselves.

This is
the first hole.

And you see that,
uh, flag out there?

Unh‐uh.

At about
three o'clock.

(whistling)

Pretty far away,
isn't it?

It's a par 29.

The minefields
are out of bounds
on the left,

and the Chinese Communists

are out of bounds
on the right.

Why don't you hit first?

You're the boss.

(clears throat)

Nice ball.

‐Ball's okay, yeah.
‐Yeah.

Your swing's
a little strange,

but the ball looked good.

Oh, me.

Terrific!

Very nice, Henry.
Very good.

Well, what do you think
I ought to use from here?

I think you oughta use
all you got.

Oh, yeah?
How far is it?

From this bush,
about a half a mile.

Uh, Ho‐Jon, give me
the two wood, please.

You know, Pierce,
this is really
a great idea.

Well, that's the
only kind we got.

I'm, um, really
starting to unwind.

That's great. I'm glad.

(gunshot)

What the hell
was that?

I don't know,
but you'll have
to take a stroke.

But I can't even
find my ball!

Then that's two strokes.

I don't see anything.

Maybe it was a sniper.

Coming from the camp?

Maybe a ricochet.
Shall we continue?

No, no.
I'll concede the hole,

And the game.
And maybe the whole day.

Oh, let's not quit, Henry.

We're out here
for your nerves.

We can leave. I got 'em.

(engine starting)

Colonel!

(murmuring)

Colonel.

‐What happened?
‐MAN: Come on, move over.

Jeep.
Through my tent.

What'd he say?

Jeep. Tent. Through.

A jeep must've rolled loose
and broke through his tent.

Why, he might've
been killed!

‐(nervous chuckling)
‐Oh, come on, sir.

I'll fix you up.
Come on, sir.

Jeep. Tent.

Crash. Kill.

Jeep. Crash. Kill.
Yes, sir.

‐Jeep.
‐Jeep?

‐Tent.
‐Tent.

‐Through. Kill.
‐Through. Kill. Yes, sir.

‐Jeep. Crash.
‐Jeep. Crash.

‐Tent.
‐Tent.

‐Boom. Crash. Kill.
‐Boom. Yes, sir.

Okay, Trapper.

Don't think I don't know
what you think I don't know.

Would you translate
that, please?

You wouldn't be the
first man in the army

who tried to kill
his commanding officer.

Steady, Henry.
Your glue is melting.

Just because I wouldn't
let you use my jeep.

Wait a minute, Henry.
Trapper may be insane,

but he's not crazy.

Oh, yeah?

Where were you this
afternoon, McIntyre?

Over at the supply tent

doing a 100‐yard dash
with a nurse!

And what about tonight?

Where were you tonight
when that jeep

went through my quarters?

When the what went
through your where?

‐He was right here.
‐Oh, yeah?

And just where is here?

Here is where we are.

Oh, this "here" here?

Henry. Henry!
Are you all right?

All right.
Tent smashed.

Okay, look, you can
sleep here tonight then.

‐Jeep. Tent.
‐Yeah, yeah.

‐Boom!
‐Okay, just‐‐

Come over here and lie down.

‐Crash.
‐Henry, Henry!
Wait a minute.

Henry!

Does Henry have an enemy?

Doesn't sound like
the work of a friend.

I think we better
keep an eye on him.

Now?

I don't think
he's got a later.
Come on.

Why don't you go
check in the office?

Right.

(explosion)

I found him.

Boom.

Radar?

Radar?

(phone ringing)

‐Hello?
‐RADAR: It's me, Colonel.

‐Who?
‐Radar. Radar, sir.

Where are you?

Here, sir.
In your outer office.

Well, what‐‐
What are you‐‐

What are you doing out there?

No offense, sir,
but I've got this thing
about living.

Did you fill out
the fitness reports?

‐Yes, sir.
‐Well, bring them in
so I can sign them.

Yes, sir. Good‐bye, sir.

‐(line clicks)
‐Good‐‐ Good‐bye.

(fishing reel whirring)

(phone ringing)

Yeah?

Will that be all, sir?

Woodward. ‐Nurse Baker.
‐Thank you.

‐Pierce?
‐For me?

Mulcahy.

‐Goldstein.
‐MAN: Here!

And Sullivan.

Don't worry.
It'll get here.

One week,
she ain't written.

You're welcome to mine.

It's an invitation to
a great party last month.

She's probably off
with some rodeo rider.

She's a sucker
for a ten‐gallon hat.

If I could just get home.

You ever see any snakes,
Hawkeye?

Not while I'm sober.

I could shoot the eyes
out of a rattler

at 50 feet going
at a full gallop.

Of course, the army
has its own kind of
snakes, don't it?

That's far enough, sir.

You ready for dinner?

Fix those chops for me?

Stuffed them specially.

Here you go, sir.

Hiya, Hen.

Aren't you guys afraid
of sitting with me?

Nah, we figure you're
safe in daylight.

That's very encouraging.

Are you sure that
food's all right?

Huh? Well, I mean,
you don't think somebody...

Let me taste it for ya, huh?

‐We're worried about you.
‐Welcome to the club.

Do you realize if
anything happens to you,
Frank Burns takes over?

Boy, your unselfishness
is touching.

Listen, we figure
the best thing for you to do

‐is clear out for a while.
‐Walk away from my post?

No, run away from your post.

You're taking a big chance
hanging around here.

You're driving morale
right into the ground.

Well, there are a few things
I could do down in Seoul.

Okay, you pack up your gear

and I'll get somebody
to drive you.

Here you are, Henry.
Nothing wrong with it.

HENRY:
Now, you'll find
a set of master keys.

‐See 'em?
‐BURNS: Mm‐hmm.

Radar has duplicates
in the company safe.

Oh, don't worry
about a thing, sir.

I'll have this place back
into shape in no time.

Who says this place
is out of shape?

Now don't drive
everybody nuts, Frank.

No snap inspections,
you understand? And no parades.

Well, that's not
a very military attitude.

Listen, Frank,
the only thing G.I. about me
is my athlete's foot.

You just keep this
hospital running.

Yes, sir.

Now, uh...

over here is the,
uh, duty roster.

‐See 'em?
‐Mm‐hmm.

And, uh, in here...

are your transmitter codes.

‐See 'em?
‐Mm‐hmm.

This‐‐ Well,
this bottom drawer's

filled with personal stuff.

And there's no sense
in opening that.

Now, it'll just
be a few days.

I'm sure everything
will be fine.

‐I'm sure it will.
‐Uh‐huh.

Well, it's all yours.

♪♪♪

Hey, where is Hawkeye?

I feel like a sitting
duck out there.

He's trying to
get you a driver.

Not too many kamikaze
types around here.

Word's out you're
taking off, Colonel.

Just a few days
down to Seoul.

Well, that jeep will
take you half a day.

I could fly you
down there in no time.

You strong enough to fly?

I thought we'd do it
by chopper.

Hey, that's great.
Great!

Well, let's go.

Hey, Trapper,
would you believe me

if I said I was
gonna miss you?

No.

Smart fella.

Thanks for your help.

Have fun, Henry.

I smelled the gunpowder.
It's pretty hard not to.

Then I found the wiring
and the alarm clock bits.

Oh, Cowboy's in
the booby‐trap business.

We better find him.
And Henry.

I'm afraid I know
where they are.

You comfy, Colonel?

Most comfortable
I've been in days.

Good. Real good.

You just sit back
and relax.

Say, uh, shouldn't I
have a parachute, too?

You don't
need one, sir.

It'll only
break your fall.

That's not funny.

Neither was you not
letting me go home!

‐Hawkeye!
‐Not now, Radar.

‐Okay, it's cooking.
‐Okay, start sending.

‐Sir!
‐Would you get lost?
This is no time for‐‐

You told me to keep
an eye open for this.

It's a letter
for the Cowboy.

If you were any taller,
I'd kiss you on the lips.

Purple Rider.
Purple Rider.

Come in, Purple Rider.
Can you read me?

You're gonna get us
both killed, Cowboy!

This is crazy!

Purple Rider, over!

Come on, Cowboy!
I know you can hear me!

We can hear you!
Talk to them!

I will, as soon
as you're gone!

Cowboy, you've gotten
a letter from home.

Nice try, Trapper!

We're not jiving you, Cowboy.

And what's the name
on the letter?

Mrs. Jean Hodges.

Jean, isn't that
your wife's name? Jean?

Right.
What's the address?

Box 743... Reno!

Good‐bye, Henry.

I can't hear you!

It, uh‐‐
it might say Reno,

but we really can't tell.

Reno! That's right!
That's where I live!

What a lovely town.

Cowboy, how is, uh,
Colonel Blake?

Henry, are you all right?

I'm in real trouble!

Come on! Open it up!
Let's hear it!

"Dear... John."

Go on, that's
my real name.

"Dear John" from Reno.

"Sometimes when you're away

from someone you
thought you loved...

you find yourself tested
by being tempted.

That's what has
happened to me,

dear, dear John."

Oh, wow! A double
"Dear John" job.

"I was tempted,
and I didn't want to write

until I knew whether
I'd passed the test.

If I say I love
you more than ever,

will it tell you how I did,

and that I'm
completely worthy

of the most wonderful
guy in the world?"

Cowboy?

Let's go home, Cowboy.
Let's go home.

♪♪♪

‐Hi, guys.
‐TRAPPER: Hi, Henry. Just in time for
the cocktail hour.

‐Pull up an olive.
‐Good, good.

Uh, from the Cowboy‐‐
Base hospital in Lakeland.

It was a classic combination
of combat fatigue and worry.

He'll be okay.
His wife's joined him

and he's going home
for a month's leave.

I do like a happy ending.

Tell us the truth, Henry.

Were you scared up there
with the Cowboy?

Me? Are you kidding?

‐I know how to take
care of myself.
‐(engine sputtering)

Just asking, Henry.
Just asking.

(engine backfires)

(Hawkeye laughing)

♪♪♪ (theme)