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1
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:05,506
♪♪♪(theme)
2
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,053
(Hawkeye singing softly)
3
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:58,559
♪ Crochet your titties ♪
4
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,194
(humming)
5
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,765
(medical chatter)
6
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,604
(humming)
7
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,308
You know, we got
a big man here.
8
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:16,777
This guy's
a two‐star general.
9
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,846
Eh, take away their skivvies
and they all look like PFCs.
10
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,848
Phew.
11
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,384
I knew a brigadier
who once had a star
tattooed on his chest
12
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,887
in case he bumped
into anybody in the shower.
13
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,555
Uh, tell me, Doctor,
what was a general
14
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,290
doing on the front
lines anyway?
15
00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:32,292
Oh, this one?
Uh, he's a fighting
general, you know?
16
00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:34,294
(whistling)
17
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,162
In that case, the least
we can do is save him.
18
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,598
Mmm, if you insist.
19
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,235
‐Hey.
‐What?
20
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:43,504
Mm‐hmm.
21
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,641
Oh, boy, very shocky.
22
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,610
Push the plasma.
23
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,344
Gimme 100 m‐milligrams
of hydrocortisone
24
00:01:51,377 --> 00:01:52,679
to give IV.
25
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,519
It's empty, Doctor.
26
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,186
What do you mean empty?
Get another one.
27
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,287
It's the last one.
28
00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:02,556
What are you
talkin' about?
29
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:05,859
All right, keep
pushing the plasma.
30
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,161
Get me, uh‐‐
gimme some O‐negative
blood on the double.
31
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:09,162
Hurry up.
32
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:21,808
All right, okay, he's out
of danger for the time being.
33
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,644
Get Spearchucker
to finish him up.
34
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,445
But don't tell him a mere
captain saved his life.
35
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,313
He might not pay
his bill. Come on.
36
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,782
Yeah, whoever screwed up
on those orders,
37
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,383
heh heh,
somebody's gonna get it.
38
00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:32,218
Yeah, you wanna
know where?
39
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,754
TRAPPER JOHN:
He should be hung up
by his thumbs.
40
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,288
HAWKEYE:
No, I'm old fashioned.
41
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:36,757
I'm all for slipping him
a pint of castor oil
42
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,525
and locking him
in a closet.
43
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,226
Just who are you
talking about?
44
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,796
Whoever it is that ordered
the supplies last month.
45
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:46,767
It just so happens I signed
that requisition, McIntyre.
46
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,702
Well, you almost
lost us a man
47
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,303
'cause this was empty.
48
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,539
Well‐Well, that's
not my fault.
49
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,240
You can't blame me.
50
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:56,442
I certainly had
hydrocortisone on
my list somewhere.
51
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:57,544
Here‐Here‐‐
Here it is.
52
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:58,812
I heard that.
53
00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:03,684
You have no right
to blame Major Houlihan.
54
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:06,219
That hydrocortisone
and half our other supplies
55
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,954
was hijacked before
they ever left Seoul.
56
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,657
It's those vicious
black marketeers.
57
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,292
Yeah? So where
are the MPs?
58
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:13,594
Yeah, they're supposed
to do something
59
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:14,761
besides direct traffic
60
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:15,996
and rinse their
gloves at night.
61
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,999
The army is aware
of its responsibilities.
62
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,901
It so happens a truck
just pulled up outside
63
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,236
with our replacement
supplies.
64
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:24,605
Well, why didn't
you say so?
65
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,372
Well, Frank's gotta
stop every five minutes
66
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:27,974
and do a commercial for
a friendly American war.
67
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,612
They're insufferable.
68
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,347
Last night
I had a dream.
69
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:36,917
They both broke their jaws
70
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,919
and had to have
their mouths wired shut.
71
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,591
Sorry I'm late, but I got
stopped by an MP roadblock.
72
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:45,759
They're checkin'
everybody.
73
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,327
The area is crawling
with hijackers.
74
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:50,496
Whoops.
75
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,765
I'll bet you don't know
76
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,366
what kind of wood
this is.
77
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,368
‐It's oak.
‐Nope.
78
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:56,837
It's oak.
79
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,640
Just look at it.
80
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,876
It's 100 years old
if it's a day.
81
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,545
Well, this is
what a man needs,
82
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,413
far from the
security of home:
83
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:12,318
roots, solidity,
strength.
84
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,488
Henry.
85
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:16,723
Don't do that.
86
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,858
Henry, we're
in big trouble.
87
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,059
Well, I'm sorry
about that.
88
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,695
Hey, how do you
like my new desk?
89
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:23,396
Your new desk?
90
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,499
We just lost 200 vials
of hydrocortisone.
91
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,368
Well, what do you
want from me?
92
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,904
We want you to call
General Hammond down in Seoul
93
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,472
right away,
demand some action.
94
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:33,540
I couldn't do that.
95
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,679
TRAPPER JOHN:
Henry, we have got
to have that stuff.
96
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,583
Gimme the Fourth
Convalescent in Seoul.
97
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,850
I want to talk
to General Hammond.
98
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,586
It's‐‐
if he's not there,
99
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,687
try him at the
officers' mess.
It's urgent.
100
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,354
I'm well aware of that.
101
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:50,390
I mean, I am a doctor,
too, you know.
102
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,794
Henry, that's your
high school diploma.
103
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,364
Well‐Well, don't you
recognize my voice yet,
104
00:04:58,398 --> 00:04:59,733
you knucklehead?
105
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:00,967
This is Colonel Blake.
106
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,836
Hmm.
107
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:03,970
Off the desk.
108
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,640
Yeah, hello, hello.
109
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,108
Okay, uh‐uh,
Colonel Blake?
110
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,410
‐Hmm?
‐Uh, General Hammond.
111
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:12,078
Well, now there's
a coincidence for ya,
112
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,014
him calling me right now.
113
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,582
Hello, General.
114
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,383
What do you want?
115
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,385
Well, you called me, sir.
116
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:21,421
I called you, huh?
117
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:24,825
Didn't I tell you
to stay away from
that homemade stuff?
118
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,060
‐Black market. ‐Off the desk.
119
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:29,429
Oh, no, sir, I'm sorry.
120
00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:30,897
Uh, now, what I wanted
to talk to you about
121
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,599
was the black market.
122
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,901
What did you want
to say about it?
123
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,638
Well...
it's terrible.
124
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,641
No, what I mean is,
125
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,676
they just knocked off
our supplies again.
126
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,045
And could you possibly
send us another batch
of hydrocortisone?
127
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,847
Now listen, Henry.
128
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,750
I don't give a hoot in hell
if you do have somebody
129
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,052
that can bring us
Bob Hope for Christmas.
130
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:55,589
The 4077th got their
allotment for the month.
131
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,558
‐Now that's all you get.
‐But, General...
132
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,492
I'm a busy man, Henry.
133
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,795
I've got an important
meeting this afternoon
134
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:03,797
with MacArthur.
135
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,899
‐Oh, yes, sir.
‐♪♪♪(military march)
136
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,467
Goodbye, sir.
137
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,671
I tried.
138
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,606
That was trying, huh?
139
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,708
Well, we can't
bother the general with
this sort of thing.
140
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,977
He, uh, has a meeting this
afternoon with MacArthur.
141
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,386
Well, we gotta do
something and be brilliant.
142
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,158
Listen, if we can't
figure out a way
143
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,894
to out‐black‐market
the black market,
144
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,962
then we don't deserve
the illustrious reputation
145
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,864
we've tried
so hard to achieve.
146
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,602
HAWKEYE: Any luck?
147
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,570
Top pocket.
148
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:48,975
Charlie Lee?
149
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,844
He's your man.
150
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:53,179
He's the biggest operator
in Seoul.
151
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:55,115
He has an office
behind a bar
152
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,416
that's owned by Madam Koo.
153
00:06:57,784 --> 00:07:00,721
Mm. I signed out
a jeep for you.
154
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,755
It's outside.
155
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,425
Make sure nobody steals
it down there, huh?
156
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,095
Thanks, Radar.
157
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:13,934
I'll be back later
to pump out your stomach.
158
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,923
(man singing "Chattanooga
Choo‐choo" in Japanese)
159
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,630
Hey, listen, we gotta hire
somebody to watch the jeep.
160
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,031
I mean, with all
this black‐market action,
161
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:48,201
uh, you know,
they're like piranhas.
162
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:50,203
You got a good
thought there.
163
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:01,648
But you didn't
get it fast enough.
164
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,150
TRAPPER JOHN: They must
have worked a pit stop.
165
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,653
I hope they choke
on the tires.
166
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,224
(knocking on door)
167
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,697
‐Mr. Lee? ‐To you, Charlie.
168
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,865
I'm Hawkeye Pierce.
This is Trapper McIntyre.
169
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,801
And a terrific
surgeon, too.
170
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,603
‐Oh, he's checked us out.
‐Yeah.
171
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:23,870
You guys
got the best rep
172
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:27,007
in Southeast Asia
theater of operations.
173
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,110
Uh, listen, I don't like
to bring it up, but, uh...
174
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:32,145
‐(nervous chuckles)
‐Come on, Charlie. What is it?
175
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,881
Lately, I've been getting
a grab right around here.
176
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,717
‐Oh, really?
‐Oh, a little tightness there?
177
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,851
‐Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
‐Come here. Come on.
178
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:38,919
Yeah, lean over
the, uh, desk.
179
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,587
‐Yeah.
‐Yeah, okay.
180
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:41,855
‐Right up here?
‐Right up in here.
Yeah, right there.
181
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,824
Ooh, does it run
down the arm? Hmm.
182
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,726
Yeah, right.
Yeah, right, right.
183
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,227
You know what that is?
Tension. Pressures.
184
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,762
Yes, yeah.
185
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:49,963
How's, uh... How's
everything at home?
186
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:51,565
‐Any trouble?
‐Fine. No, no.
187
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:54,000
‐Business okay?
‐Yeah, yes.
188
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,136
TRAPPER JOHN:
Charlie, you should take,
uh, maybe long weekends, huh?
189
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,671
Try some golf.
190
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,039
Yeah, have a little
drink before dinner.
191
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,274
‐That'll help?
‐Well, it wouldn't hurt.
192
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:03,076
‐Hey, I love that sweater.
‐Ooh.
193
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:04,811
Alpaca.
194
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,980
For Charlie Lee,
nothing but the best.
195
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:08,582
Hey, very nice.
196
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:10,083
Now, what can I do
for you fellas?
197
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,085
Well, I'll make it
short and sweet.
198
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,687
There's been a heist.
199
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,822
Two shipments of
medical supplies.
200
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,724
There's a lot
of call for that.
201
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,225
Well, we don't mind
the other stuff,
202
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:20,961
but they cleaned us
out of hydrocortisone,
203
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,328
and that we need, bad.
204
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,197
Oh, I'm sorry.
205
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,000
Uh, we made a deal
this morning.
206
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:30,070
The stuff goes
for $10,000.
207
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,773
10,000 bucks?
208
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,008
Tell you what.
I shouldn't do this.
209
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,644
You meet that offer,
210
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,379
and I'll kill
the other deal.
211
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,047
But, Charlie, where
are we gonna come up
212
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,282
with that
kind of scratch?
213
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,817
Look, we'll give it
to you in trade.
214
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,151
Free hospitalization.
215
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,187
Uh, appendix operations,
nose jobs.
216
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:50,691
In my organization,
we already have a health plan,
217
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,726
including retirement
benefits.
218
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,260
I got it.
We'll swap you somethin'.
219
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,062
We can get our hands
on all kinds of equipment.
220
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,297
Oh, yeah, a lotta stuff.
221
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,331
There must be
something you want.
222
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,208
Wow.
223
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,242
I bet he gives
a year's guarantee
224
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,944
on parts and labor.
225
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,179
This is only
the showroom.
226
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,281
The real stuff
is in the warehouse.
227
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,084
Lookit, fellas, I'd like
to go it along with you,
228
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,086
but I'm a businessman.
229
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,757
If there was just something
you had I could use.
230
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,968
You know what, Charlie?
There is.
231
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:38,004
Something there's
only one of
232
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:41,041
in all of
Southeast Asia.
233
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:44,377
A very special item that
would enhance this office
234
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:48,381
and give it what it
cries out for: prestige.
235
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:50,350
A man of your importance
shouldn't be sitting
236
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,787
behind a puny little piece
of furniture like this.
237
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,222
The moment somebody
walks in that door,
238
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,058
they should know
they're in the presence
239
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,359
of nothing but the best.
240
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,395
You should have something
241
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,097
at least 100 years old.
242
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,767
Something that
represents dignity,
243
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,070
roots, solidity.
244
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:15,742
A genuine American
antique desk.
245
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,420
(man singing "My Blue
Heaven" in Korean)
246
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,995
Wait till Henry gets
a load of those stars.
247
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,329
You'll have to beat
him off with a stick.
248
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,098
‐Which way to the desk?
‐In there.
249
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,499
Henry will be the one
250
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,334
with the furniture polish
in his hand.
251
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,746
‐Sir?
‐HENRY: Hmm?
252
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,981
‐Uh, sir, there's
a general to see ya.
‐(thump)
253
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:03,790
Oh, G‐‐
254
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:04,891
Ahem.
255
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,326
TRAPPER JOHN:
General Lee,
256
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,795
our commanding officer,
Colonel Blake.
257
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,932
So grand to meet you,
Colonel Blake.
258
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,867
We didn't have any
luck in Seoul, Henry,
259
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,302
but the general
was kind enough to
drop us off here.
260
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,904
He's‐He's on
an inspection tour.
261
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,472
You tell truth.
262
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:23,243
Well, anything I can do
to make you comfortable, sir.
263
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:26,780
I don't suppose you'd care
for a little refreshment
264
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:27,948
this early in the day?
265
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,550
Depend on what you have.
266
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,885
In my place, we have
nothing but the best.
267
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:34,020
Oh, General, nothing
but the finest, sir.
268
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:37,524
Oh, if it's good
stuff, I know.
269
00:12:37,558 --> 00:12:40,126
Oh, that's why we can't
be too careful these days.
270
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,296
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You can't be too careful, no.
271
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,332
Well, here we go.
272
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,334
A little hair from
the dragon, as it were.
273
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,873
General.
274
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,340
‐Cheers. ‐L'chaim.
275
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,545
‐You have nice office.
‐Thank you.
276
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,149
Handsome desk.
277
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,852
Oh, you‐you
know quality.
278
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,188
You know, if I were to
tell you about this desk‐‐
279
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,290
‐Tell him, Henry. Tell him.
‐Yeah, don't leave out a thing.
280
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,125
Well, first of all...
281
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:13,860
I'll bet you don't know
what kind of wood it is.
282
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,228
Oak.
283
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:16,563
Nope. It's oak.
284
00:13:16,597 --> 00:13:18,364
‐LEE: Handmade.
‐HENRY: And it's handmade.
285
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,066
You know
what that means?
286
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,969
Not made in Japan
on assembly line, huh?
287
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,237
‐Right?
‐Right.
288
00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:27,908
Uh, tell me, Henry,
just out of curiosity,
289
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:30,210
how did you get a desk
that big into this office?
290
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:33,313
Oh, the top comes off.
291
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:36,550
‐Ah, the top comes off.
‐The top comes off.
292
00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:40,987
You'll have to
move this vehicle.
293
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,488
This space is reserved
for ambulances.
294
00:13:42,523 --> 00:13:44,324
Hey, now, wait
a minute, Colonel.
295
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,592
I'm a major.
296
00:13:45,626 --> 00:13:48,194
Wanna be a colonel? Huh?
297
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:49,596
What do you mean
by that?
298
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:52,566
Oh‐oh, forget it,
forget it.
299
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,067
Wanna buy a good watch?
300
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,902
Cheap.
301
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:58,038
14 carat,
Swiss movement.
302
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,840
No, I don't wanna
buy any watches.
303
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:03,343
Okay.
Wanna sell one?
304
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,145
Pay top dollar.
305
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,647
You get this
vehicle outta here.
306
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,582
I don't want to see it
or you when I come back.
307
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,457
You gave me
the straight poop.
It's a deal.
308
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,192
The hydrocortisone
for the desk.
309
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:20,326
I'll have the truck
in front of this building
310
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,596
at, uh, 0600.
311
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,064
Okay.
312
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,899
‐But the desk
better be here.
‐Oh, yeah.
313
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:28,301
Because if it's not,
the truck takes off,
314
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:29,670
and I sell
to my other buyer.
315
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,404
It'll be here.
316
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,039
I don't know how you guys
gonna pull this off
317
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,675
without anybody
getting wise.
318
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,943
That makes two of us.
319
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,211
Three of us.
320
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,659
They're up to something.
321
00:14:52,693 --> 00:14:55,328
That general's aide.
322
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:58,431
Now, what kind of a man wears
wristwatches on his leg?
323
00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:02,268
I think we should
tell the colonel.
324
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,705
Ah, they can wrap Henry
around their little fingers.
325
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:06,973
We've got to go to him
with conclusive evidence,
326
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,208
something that will get them
court‐martialed
327
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,044
and behind bars for 20 years.
328
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,547
Oh, Frank,
do you think you could?
329
00:15:23,724 --> 00:15:24,958
It's 0500.
330
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,693
Okay, thanks. Get lost.
331
00:15:35,569 --> 00:15:37,704
Hey, come on.
We gotta get movin'.
332
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:41,542
I was just having‐‐
333
00:15:41,575 --> 00:15:43,076
I don't care
who you were having.
334
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,077
Come on, let's go.
335
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,947
Come on.
336
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,097
(straining)
337
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:07,267
(thumping)
338
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:12,038
(grunt) These things were
really built to last.
339
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:15,041
It's that lousy
good craftsmanship.
340
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:17,177
Why didn't they make things
like they do today?
341
00:16:18,579 --> 00:16:20,013
(footsteps approaching)
342
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,992
Oh!
343
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,795
Margaret.
344
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,797
‐Is that you?
‐Frank?
345
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,732
‐I thought I heard a noise.
‐I was just checking to see‐‐
346
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,266
(both giggling)
347
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,772
Funny, isn't it?
348
00:16:45,806 --> 00:16:46,807
What?
349
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,441
Us...
350
00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:51,444
you, me...
meeting like this.
351
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:53,680
Oh, Frank...
352
00:16:53,714 --> 00:16:55,415
May I say you look
very lovely,
353
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:58,284
the way the flashlight
catches your hair.
354
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:01,555
I just washed it.
It must look a mess.
355
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:03,256
No, it‐it's beautiful.
356
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,558
Thank you.
357
00:17:06,727 --> 00:17:08,061
Margaret?
358
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,462
Yes?
359
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:11,364
Thank you.
360
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,399
For what?
361
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:14,601
For being you.
362
00:17:17,638 --> 00:17:22,208
Do you know what I
love most about you?
363
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,544
Tell me.
364
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,480
Your lobes.
365
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:31,084
They drive me wild.
366
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:34,487
Oh, be wild, Frank.
Be wild.
367
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:37,524
I'd like to slip
into something a little
more comfortable.
368
00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,826
‐Like what, darling?
‐The supply tent.
369
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:42,228
The supply tent, yes.
Yes, yes, darling.
370
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,534
I think
I'm gonna be sick.
371
00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:49,603
That may have turned
me off permanently.
372
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,307
(lock latches)
373
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,779
Well, at least we know
the colonel's liquor's safe.
374
00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:09,189
We're locked in.
375
00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:12,659
How does a guy who's
so bad with a needle
376
00:18:12,693 --> 00:18:14,460
always know
right where to jab us?
377
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,196
I don't know.
378
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,769
Radar better have
the key to this vault.
379
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,478
Nope.
380
00:18:32,513 --> 00:18:34,615
Well, hurry up.
The truck'll be here soon.
381
00:18:34,648 --> 00:18:36,683
All right.
382
00:18:36,717 --> 00:18:38,619
(truck approaching)
383
00:18:38,652 --> 00:18:40,521
I think we just
passed "soon".
384
00:18:47,528 --> 00:18:48,795
What do I do now?
385
00:18:48,829 --> 00:18:51,364
Get your fanny out there
and hold that truck!
386
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,234
What good is
holding the truck
387
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,636
when we can't even get
the desk outta here?
388
00:18:55,669 --> 00:18:57,170
Don't confuse me.
I can only handle
389
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,605
one catastrophe at a time.
390
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:19,425
It's Radar.
391
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,928
I think we've stumbled
on a whole syndicate.
392
00:19:24,698 --> 00:19:28,268
My boss say "If desk not
ready, cut out fast."
393
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,737
Okay, but my boss say
"Please wait."
394
00:19:30,771 --> 00:19:32,305
Come on, buddy.
Five minutes.
395
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,540
It isn't gonna
cost you anything
396
00:19:33,574 --> 00:19:34,908
to give them
a little more‐‐
397
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,577
To give them a little
what, Corporal?
398
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:38,545
I said, to give them
a little what?
399
00:19:38,579 --> 00:19:40,681
Uh, some more duck sauce
for his egg roll, sir.
400
00:19:40,714 --> 00:19:42,248
The colonel has
to be kept happy.
401
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,350
‐You're lying, Radar.
‐Sir?
402
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,552
I happen to know
the colonel despises
403
00:19:45,586 --> 00:19:47,554
duck sauce
on his egg roll.
404
00:19:51,525 --> 00:19:53,426
(clattering)
405
00:20:11,745 --> 00:20:14,681
Major, you're
absolutely right.
406
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:18,284
The truth is, sir,
that this man is not
a delivery man.
407
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:19,886
Actually, sir,
he's with the CIA
408
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,688
and he's on a case
at this very moment.
409
00:20:21,722 --> 00:20:22,956
Oh, I see.
410
00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:34,467
Oh, it so happens
he looks fantastically
411
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:38,739
like the man that
tried to sell me
a watch yesterday.
412
00:20:38,772 --> 00:20:40,607
I'd like to get a good
look at your legs.
413
00:20:40,641 --> 00:20:43,243
Oh, one of those, huh?
414
00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:50,383
You get this truck
off the base in the
next 60 seconds,
415
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,719
or you'll be showing
your line of watches
to the MPs!
416
00:20:52,753 --> 00:20:54,721
MPs? Uh, yes, sir.
417
00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:57,057
Uh, maybe another time.
Got to solve big case.
418
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,459
And you, get back
to headquarters.
419
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,861
Yes, sir.
420
00:21:00,894 --> 00:21:02,863
(engine starting)
421
00:21:13,373 --> 00:21:15,308
What are you two doing?
422
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:16,543
Early Mass.
423
00:21:16,577 --> 00:21:17,578
Mass?
424
00:21:21,615 --> 00:21:24,985
W‐Where's Father Mulcahy?
425
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:27,888
We started without him.
426
00:21:30,624 --> 00:21:31,558
Hmm.
427
00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:42,703
Forget it.
428
00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:44,938
The truck's gone.
The major ordered him out.
429
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,707
What are we gonna do?
430
00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:48,008
We can't carry this thing
all the way to Seoul.
431
00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:49,843
Get O'Brien.
432
00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:57,551
All right, Frank.
You got me up,
433
00:21:57,584 --> 00:21:59,385
but you better have
a good reason.
434
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:01,087
Well, the cold facts
are, sir, that I believe
435
00:22:01,121 --> 00:22:02,856
there are black
stockings‐‐
436
00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:04,825
marketeers operating
on this base.
437
00:22:04,858 --> 00:22:06,527
I'm not in a position
to name names.
438
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,695
Black marketeers?
On my base?
439
00:22:08,729 --> 00:22:10,330
‐(fingers snap)
‐My booze.
440
00:22:11,932 --> 00:22:13,466
Where's O'Brien?
441
00:22:29,750 --> 00:22:31,518
My desk.
442
00:22:31,552 --> 00:22:33,954
My beautiful
100‐year‐old desk.
443
00:22:45,498 --> 00:22:47,500
What's going
on here, Frank?
444
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:01,948
(helicopter blades whirling)
445
00:23:31,678 --> 00:23:35,649
Pardon me, Henry, uh...
isn't that your desk?
446
00:23:35,682 --> 00:23:39,820
Yeah, that's my
genuine antique desk.
447
00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:42,823
Sending it out
to be waxed?
448
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:45,158
I don't know what
it's doing up there.
449
00:23:45,191 --> 00:23:48,695
It just keeps
going up, up, up.
450
00:23:48,729 --> 00:23:51,598
To a far, far better
place, I'm sure.
451
00:24:07,369 --> 00:24:08,515
(honking)
452
00:24:11,585 --> 00:24:15,155
200 vials of hydrocortisone.
as promised.
453
00:24:15,188 --> 00:24:17,090
We'll make sure that it
gets to the right people.
454
00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:19,125
You'll understand if we
don't give you a receipt.
455
00:24:19,159 --> 00:24:20,493
Yeah.
456
00:24:24,965 --> 00:24:28,134
Just got a wire
from the insurance company.
457
00:24:28,168 --> 00:24:31,104
They say they're willing
to pay off on my desk
458
00:24:31,137 --> 00:24:34,975
as soon as I can give them
a believable explanation.
459
00:24:44,084 --> 00:24:45,952
Hey.
460
00:24:45,986 --> 00:24:47,921
Have you got a relative
who's a general?
461
00:24:49,222 --> 00:24:50,891
You know how it is, Colonel.
462
00:24:50,924 --> 00:24:52,158
We all look alike.
32918
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