Original subtitles

[birds chirping]

[cat yowling]

[man grunts]

WHEN DID MEADOWBROOK LANE TURN INTO 125TH STREET?

OH, MY GOSH!

THIS MUST BE THE BAD BLOCK.

THIS PLACE TURNED INTO A LIVING HELL OVERNIGHT.

[girl shrieking]

WELL, LOOK WHAT WE GOT HERE, HUH?

WHAT'S THIS? WHOO!

THAT'S A NICE SET OF WHEELS THERE, JERK!

[laughing]

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YEAH, HOW FAST DOES IT GO ON THE OPEN ROAD?

WELL, THAT ACTUALLY, KIND OF DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH I'VE HAD TO EAT.

YOU KNOW, ONCE I HAD 2 SLOPPY JOES

AND I COULDN'T GET THE THING OFF THE KICK STAND.

HEY, YOU'RE ON SKULL TURF, KID.

KID?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M FLATTERED THAT YOU THINK I'M A KID

BECAUSE OF MY YOUTHFUL APPEARANCE,

BUT I'M ACTUALLY 30 YEARS OLD.

THAT'S RIGHT, 30.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE SECRET IS?

WATER, 12 GLASSES A DAY. ORALLY.

NOW, LISTEN, KIDS, THIS IS REALLY A LOUSY NEIGHBORHOOD TO BE PLAYING IN.

WHY DON'T YOU GET BEHIND ME AND WE'LL ALL RUN OUT OF HERE SCREAMING TOGETHER.

COME ON, LET'S GO...

QUIT YOUR BLABBERIN', BEARDIE.

WAIT A SECOND.

LEATHER JACKETS, SWITCHBLADES,

BAD NICKNAMES.

[siren wailing] WHY, YOU'RE RUFFIANS!

BIFF, LET'S BOOK.

WHERE YOU GOING, THE LIBRARY?

LET ME LEAVE YOU A LITTLE SOUVENIR

OF OUR VISIT, HUH?

WELL, SURE, WHAT DO YOU HAVE? OOH!

AW.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED ONE OF THOSE LITTLE SNOW SHAKERS

WITH THE STATUE OF LIBERTY IN THEM, BUT THANK YOU.

THANKS.

�[Stand by R.E.M. playing]

[bicycle bell ringing]

� STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE �

� NOW FACE NORTH

� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION

� WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �

� NOW STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU WORK �

� NOW FACE WEST

� THINK ABOUT THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE �

� WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �

� STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE �

� NOW FACE NORTH

� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION

� WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �

� NOW STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU WORK �

� NOW FACE WEST

� THINK ABOUT THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE �

� WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �

� STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE �

� SO STAND

[grunts]

OH, MY GOD! IT'S STILL SWOLLEN!

[groans]

OH, CHRIS, THAT'S NOT SWELLING. IT'S FAT.

WELL, THAT FAT MAY HAVE JUST SAVED MY LIFE.

OTHERWISE HIS FIST WOULD HAVE GONE

STRAIGHT THROUGH TO MY LIVER.

MOM, DAD,

GREENVILLE ISN'T THE GREENVILLE WE ONCE KNEW AS KIDS.

I NEVER KNEW IT AS A KID. I GREW UP IN CHICAGO.

I'M AN ARMY BRAT.

LOOK AROUND YOU,

A TOWN ONCE FULL OF HOPE AND PROMISE

THAT DREW MILLIONS TO ITS SHORES

IS... IS NOW NOTHING BUT A FILTHY,

ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK, LAWLESS, BORDER TOWN

WITH CORRUPTION AS ITS MAIN EXPORT.

YOU'RE FORGETTING OUR BOOMING SHOE INDUSTRY.

TOUCHE. PLAYED THROUGH. 15-LOVE.

CHRIS, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

THIS IS A CUTE NEIGHBORHOOD.

WELL, YEAH, HERE, BUT 2 BLOCKS DOWN...

YOU TALKING ABOUT MEADOWBROOK LANE?

SON, YOU'D BE NUTS TO GO DOWN THERE.

THAT'S RIGHT, YOU COULD GET PUNCHED IN THE STOMACH.

I SAY IT'S TIME TO TAKE BACK THE STREETS

SO THAT INNOCENT PEOPLE CAN TAKE A WRONG TURN

AND SENIOR CITIZENS LIKE YOURSELVES

CAN SHUFFLE DOWN THE SIDEWALK

WITH YOUR WALKERS AND YOUR GOLF CARTS

AND YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY CHECKS

HELD UP HIGH FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

IN MY HEART I KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT.

BUT MY PERFECTLY FUNCTIONING BRAIN SAYS

YOU'RE A HORSE'S ASS.

DAD, THESE ARE JUST GOOD KIDS

THAT HAVE TAKEN A WRONG TURN IN LIFE

AND GONE DOWN A... A BAD PATH.

THEY NEED SOMEBODY TO COME UP BEHIND 'EM, AND TAP 'EM ON THE SHOULDER,

AND SAY, "HEY PAL, SLOW DOWN.

"PUT ON YOUR TURN SIGNALS

"AND MAKE A LEFT UP AT THE NEXT INTERSECTION

'CAUSE I KNOW A GREAT PLACE FOR CHEESE STEAKS."

GLADYS, COULD YOU MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL

OUT OF THAT LAST CHUNK OF BABBLE?

I THINK HE'S ASKING FOR LUNCH.

NO, MA,

I'M GOING TO REHABILITATE THOSE KIDS.

(Fred) CHRIS, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING

ABOUT REHABILITATING TROUBLED YOUTH.

IN FACT, EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER BROUGHT HOME

DIED OR RUSTED.

NOW, DAD, WASN'T IT YOU WHO ONCE SAID

I HAD KENNEDY-ESQUE LEADERSHIP QUALITIES?

NO. NO, I SAID YOU HAVE A YELLOW STREAK.

6 OF ONE, HALF DOZEN OF THE OTHER.

CHRIS, I THINK IT'S A VERY SWEET GESTURE

FOR YOU TO HELP PEOPLE LESS FORTUNATE THAN YOURSELF.

YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GET THE CRAP BEAT OUT OF YOU.

NOT AS LONG AS I HAVE THIS.

[siren wailing]

[door opening]

YOU CAME!

YOU ACTUALLY CAME.

[laughing]

OH! CLOWNIE-PUSS GOT BROKEN.

GUESS I HAVE AN EVENING OF GLUING AHEAD OF ME, HUH?

HEY, MAYBE THAT COULD BE A GROUP ACTIVITY

WE COULD ALL DO TOGETHER, HUH?

HANDS?

I TOLD YOU THIS IS THE SAME IDIOT

WE WHACKED AROUND THE OTHER DAY!

THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE A VERY PERCEPTIVE YOUNG MAN, UM...

SNAKE.

SNAKE.

[exclaims]

WHAT YOUR PARENTS DID TO YOU...

NO WONDER YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS LOWER THAN YOUR CHANCES

OF EVER GETTING A JOB THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE YOU WEARING A NAMETAG OR A HAIRNET.

IF THAT CLOCK WASN'T IN A CAGE, I'D SMASH IT TO BITS!

OK, EASY ACTION. COOL OFF, KID. OK.

LOOK, KIDS, I KNOW YOU'RE ALL TRAUMATIZED, EMOTIONALLY TROUBLED TEENS,

BUT I WANT TO SET YOUR MINDS AT EASE.

I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE COMIN' FROM, OK?

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE, TOO. OH, YES.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,

I HAD A STACK OF OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS ABOUT THIS TALL.

OK, LET'S JUST CUT HIM.

NAH. NO, HE'S FUNNY.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE WATCHING SOME WINO GEEK GET HIT BY A CAR.

[all laughing]

KIDS, COME ON. I KNOW HOW YOU LIVE,

I... I KNOW WHAT YOU DO. WHERE... WHERE WERE YOU?

PROBABLY DOWN AT THE LAZY IGUANA,

DANCING THE MASHED POTATO AND SHOOTIN' THE CURL?

SEE, I'M HIP, I'M WITH IT!

SO WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT TO DO NOW, UH, PRESS A HAM?

AH, YOU'RE RIGHT, LET'S CUT HIM.

NO!

I THINK HE'S KIND OF CUTE.

WELL, I THINK SOMEBODY JUST SIGNED UP FOR TEACHER'S PET.

NOW, I'VE GOT, UH, CANAPES

AND, UH, I'VE GOT FLUFFERNUTTER TOO, BUT... BUT I HAVE NO BEVERAGES.

I'M SORRY, KIDS, THAT'S SOMETHING CALLED "TOUGH LOVE."

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU BEG, I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO SAY,

"NO BEVERAGES."

HEY, BEARDIE.

WE TAKE WHAT WE WANT WHEN WE WANT IT.

GOT THAT, BEARDIE?

YOU KNOW, IT'S VERY EASY

TO PICK UP ON SOMEBODY'S PHYSICAL DEFECT

AND MAKE UP A CRUEL NICKNAME FOR THEM,

MR. STRONG-JAWED- VERY-ATTRACTIVE- JAMES-DEAN-TYPE.

THERE, SEE, I CAN ZING WITH THE BEST OF 'EM.

[laughing]

KIDS, COME ON, LET'S GET IN A SEMICIRCLE,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LITTLE BULL SESSION. COME ON.

JUST PULL THE CHAIRS AROUND,

THAT'S IT, RIGHT AROUND LIKE THAT.

YOU'LL FIND SOME ROOM.

OK, WHY DON'T WE START BY GOING AROUND THE ROOM AND INTRODUCING OURSELVES.

I'M CHRIS.

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A CHRIS.

NO, REALLY?

YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!

[cackling]

YOU KNOW, IF I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU WERE REALLY LASHING OUT AT YOUR FATHER,

THAT WOULD HAVE BROUGHT ME TO TEARS.

COME ON, WHO'S GOT THE GUTS TO GO FIRST?

COME ON, JUST RAP.

POUR ME A GLASS OF YOUR THOUGHTS. COME ON.

YEAH,

THE YOUNG BOY IN THE LEATHER JACKET.

WHAT STINKS IN HERE?

WELL, UH, ACTUALLY, I GET A LOT OF MOISTURE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

BUT, UH, GOOD QUESTION, THANKS.

ANYBODY ELSE?

YES, THE YOUNG LADY IN THE PROVOCATIVE SWEATER.

WHY YOU STILL A PAPERBOY?

[both laughing]

ALL RIGHT, OK,

YOU GUYS WANNA HEAR A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT ME?

FINE, I'LL PLAY, I'LL GO FIRST.

LET'S SEE, ALL RIGHT, WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING.

SOMETHING I'M NOT VERY PROUD OF.

IT TOOK ME 10 YEARS

BEFORE I WAS ABLE TO SHOWER IN THE NUDE.

BECAUSE I WAS SURE THAT, YOU KNOW THAT THING

WHERE THE... WHERE THE WATER COMES OUT OF,

THAT THERE WAS AN EYE IN THERE WATCHING ME.

SORRY.

[snorting]

[sighs]

OH, BOY,

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER TO GET THAT OUT.

OK, ALL RIGHT, WHO HAS THE GUTS TO GO NEXT?

OK, FINE.

IT'S JUST THAT, MY PARENTS, YOU KNOW,

THEY JUST KEEP CUTTIN' ME DOWN.

THAT'S A TOUGHY.

I DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER.

UH, ANYBODY ELSE?

YEAH.

I GOT KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL LAST WEEK

AND I AIN'T GOT THE GUTS TO TELL MY OLD MAN.

MMM. THAT'S ROUGH.

I'M A BLANK. SORRY.

A-ANYBODY ELSE? HEY, HOW ABOUT YOU?

COME ON.

I FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIDER.

THAT'S WHY I ACT TOUGH AND PRETEND LIKE I DON'T CARE.

OK, I CAN SEE THIS IS GOING NOWHERE.

LET'S, UH, LET'S TRY SOME ROLE PLAYING, MAYBE THAT'LL HELP.

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED, I NEED A VOLUNTEER UP HERE.

WHO CAN I GET? SNAKE, GREAT COME ON UP.

COME ON UP.

SNAKE, WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS, I'M GONNA PLAY YOUR DADDY, OK?

AND YOU JUST REACT TO ME LIKE YOU WOULD YOUR OWN DADDY, OK?

LET'S TRY THIS. THIS IS GONNA WORK FINE, HERE WE GO.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I'M YOUR DADDY.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I WORK FOR A LIVING.

BOY, OUT OF MY WAY. WHERE ARE MY SLIPPERS?

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I'M YOUR DADDY.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE HELL HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT?

MAYBE THIS WOULD WORK BETTER IF I TRIED PLAYING YOUR MOMMY.

LET'S TRY IT THAT WAY, OK? COME ON, LET'S TRY IT, SNAKE.

GIVE IT A SHOT, FOR ONCE. COME ON.

COME ON.

[clears throat]

HEY, WHY YOU ALWAYS GETTING DOWN ON ME AND MY FRIENDS?

COME ON IN, SNAKE. MOMMY'S JUST PUTTING ON HER PANTY HOSE.

MOM, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS PUTTING DOWN ME AND MY FRIENDS?

SNAKE, WOULD YOU BE A LOVE AND ZIP MOMMY UP?

THIS SUCKS!

THAT'S GREAT.

OH, THAT'S GOOD, YOU'RE GETTING SOME REAL EMOTIONS OUT.

I THINK THERE WAS A LITTLE PROGRESS MADE HERE TODAY.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE NOT SUCH A TOUGH GUY AFTER ALL, ARE WE?

OK, MR. BAZOOKA JOE.

JUST FOR THAT, YOU DON'T GET THIS BACK

TILL THE END OF THE DAY.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, THAT CONCLUDES THE AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION PART OF OUR PROGRAM.

AND NOW, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU ON SOMETHING I LIKE TO CALL A FIELD TRIP.

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE TO... TO BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS,

AND TEACH YOU SOMETHING ABOUT LIFE.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU THE... THE PINNACLE OF MODERN DAY CULTURE.

WHERE ARE WE GOIN'?

I DON'T KNOW, HOW ABOUT A SUPERMARKET?

� THOSE SCHOOLGIRL DAYS

� OF TELLING TALES

� AND BITING NAILS ARE GONE

� BUT IN MY MIND

� I KNOW THEY WILL STILL

� LIVE ON AND ON

� BUT HOW DO YOU THANK SOMEONE �

� WHO HAS TAKEN YOU FROM CRAYONS TO PERFUME �

� IT ISN'T EASY BUT I'LL TRY

� IF YOU WANTED THE SKY

� I WOULD WRITE ACROSS THE SKY IN LETTERS �

� THAT WOULD SOAR A THOUSAND FEET HIGH �

� TO SIR, WITH LOVE

BOY. WELL,

WE HAD A QUITE A DAY, DIDN'T WE?

[chuckles]

YOU KIDS HAVE BEEN THROUGH

SOME MAJOR PERSONALITY CHANGES TODAY.

FROM YOUNG RUFFIANS TO LITTLE LADIES,

AND GENTLEMEN.

YOU KNOW WHAT? GOING TO THAT SUPERMARKET,

I KIND OF WORKED UP AN APPETITE.

I BET YOU GUYS DID, TOO.

SO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?

I'M GOING TO TREAT YOU ALL TO A WHOLESOME SNACK

OF COHO SALMON.

[sniffing]

OH, MY.

OK, WHO ISN'T AFRAID OF A LITTLE GREEN ON THEIR FOOD, HUH?

OK, WELL, I THINK I MADE A DENT.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE MAKING PROGRESS, DEAR?

I DON'T KNOW, MA.

ALL I HAVE TO GO ON IS MY EXPERIENCE

AND ABOUT 120 EPISODES OF ROOM 222.

YOU THINK YOU COULD TALK AFTER YOU UNTIE US?

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH, MY. OK.

[grunts]

[sighs]

ARE YOU SURE IT WAS MY KIDS THAT DID THIS?

YES, LEATHER JACKETS, SWITCHBLADES.

BAD NICKNAMES.

FEELS LIKE AN OUTSIDER, ACTS TOUGH,

AND PRETENDS HE DOESN'T CARE.

WOW, SNAKE OPENED UP TO YOU.

HEY, HEY, THIS HAS BEEN A BREAKTHROUGH DAY.

CHRIS, WE'VE BEEN ROBBED.

OH, YEAH, RIGHT, DAD.

LET'S JUST JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS, SHALL WE?

YOU KNOW, THIS COULD ALL BE JUST A HUGE MISUNDERSTANDING.

YEAH. I GUESS WHEN I SAID, "YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS,"

THEY THOUGHT I SAID,

"TAKE ALL OUR VALUABLES AND TIE US TO A CHAIR."

HEY, WAIT.

MAYBE WE'RE OVERLOOKING THE OBVIOUS.

MAYBE MY KIDS WERE JUST PRACTICING SOME MAGIC.

THEY CERTAINLY MADE SOME OF THE APPLIANCES DISAPPEAR.

OH, RIGHT, DAD.

THE KIDS ARE ALWAYS WRONG, AREN'T THEY?

US ADULTS, THOUGH, WE'RE ALWAYS RIGHT.

OH, YEAH. THAT'S WHY WE HAVE A FEDERAL DEFICIT IN THIS COUNTRY

OF SOME $200,000.

OH, BUT LET'S NOT LISTEN TO THE KIDS,

THEIR IDEAS ARE WAY TOO FAR OUT,

US ADULTS, WE'RE ALWAYS PERFECT.

I THINK SOME OF US HAVE A LITTLE GROWING UP TO DO

IF YOU DON'T MIND ME SAYING SO.

[clears throat]

OK, WHERE THE HELL ARE MY FUDGESICLES?

ARE YOU KIDDING? THOSE WERE THE FIRST TO GO.

WHY, THOSE SNOT-NOSED BASTARDS!

NOW THEY'VE GONE TOO FAR!

I SWEAR,

ON THE GRAVES OF MY PARENTS...

ON THE LIVES OF MY PARENTS

THAT I SHALL AVENGE THIS HEINOUS ACT,

OR DIE TRYING.

TO THE LAST BREATH IN MY BODY

AS LONG AS THE SUN RISES IN THE SOUTH

AND SETS IN THE NORTH POLE, WHERE SANTA LIVES.

[speaking Latin]

(Fred) CHRIS.

CHRIS!

CHRIS!

WHAT?

WILL YOU JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?

[wind howling]

THEY'RE CLOSE. THEY'RE VERY CLOSE.

(Snake) HEY, PETERSON!

YOU MADE YOUR LAST MISTAKE THIS TIME, BEARDIE.

WHAT YOU GOT, A DEATH WISH BRINGIN' YOUR WHITE BOTTOM

AROUND OUR TERRITORY?

NO, YOU MADE THE MISTAKE.

Y-YOU CROSSED THE LINE WHEN YOU STOLE THINGS FROM MY PARENTS.

THINGS WITH PERFECTLY GOOD WARRANTIES, WHICH, BY THE WAY, I HAVE.

AND THAT MEANS THAT IF ANYTHING BREAKS DOWN,

YOU MY FRIENDS ARE UP A CREEK WITHOUT A PICK AXE,

I MEAN, A SHOVEL.

AND SO, AT THE VERY LEAST, YOU ARE STUCK

FOR FULL RETAIL COST OF REPAIRS

WHICH IS PROBABLY UPWARDS OF $40 AN HOUR.

SO, I GUESS WE WEREN'T SO SMART AFTER ALL, WERE WE?

(Snake) OK, LET'S JUST KILL HIM.

YOU REEK OF FUDGESICLES.

PREPARE TO DIE, BEARDIE!

OK, NATALIE, NOW IT'S TIME TO STOP THEM

WITH THAT "HE'S KIND OF CUTE" LINE. GO AHEAD.

HE'S A DORK.

DISMEMBER HIM FOR ME, WILL YOU?

ALL RIGHT, LET'S KILL HIM NOW WHILE WE'VE GOT THE MUSCLE.

ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN CHOP ME UP INTO A THOUSAND PIECES

AND BURY ME IN YOUR NEIGHBOR'S BACKYARD, IF YOU WANT.

OR YOU CAN TAKE THE CHRIS PETERSON CHALLENGE.

HE'S TALKING CRAZY, BIFF. HEY, SHUT UP.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN', BEARDIE?

I'M SAYIN' THAT IF I CAN PASS

YOUR STUPID LITTLE OBLIGATORY PEER PRESSURE

BABY INITIATION INTO YOUR GANG,

THEN YOU GIVE ME BACK ALL MY STUFF AND LET ME GO.

OK, YOU'RE ON.

BIFF!

AND, IF I WIN,

Y-YOU BECOME RESPONSIBLE CONTRIBUTORS TO THE SOCIETY.

YEAH, YEAH, SURE.

A-AND LOOK UP TO ME AS A ROLE MODEL

AND LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I SAY.

OH, OF COURSE, FINE. YEAH.

AND CHANGE THE NAME OF YOUR GANG TO "THE PETERSON PIXIES."

OK, I WENT A LITTLE FAR WITH THAT ONE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

NOW, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO FOR YOUR LITTLE SILLY INITIATION,

WEAR MY CLOTHES INSIDE OUT OR PUT ON A STUPID BEANIE OR SOMETHING?

[all laughing]

[sighing]

WALNUTS.

THAT WAS TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT.

I FIGURE IF YOU GUYS COULD DO IT, I COULD.

WE DIDN'T EXACTLY DO IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

ACTUALLY, WE DON'T REALLY HAVE AN INITIATION!

[all laughing]

WE MADE IT UP AS WE WENT ALONG.

YOU SEE THAT STUFF IS WAY TOO DANGEROUS

FOR US TO BE DOING.

WHY, YOU LYING LITTLE... SCAMPS!

WE HAD A DEAL!

OH, YEAH, YEAH, AND WE'RE KEEPIN' IT.

Y-YOU SEE, WE... WE FIGURED THAT ANY GUY

THAT IS PSYCHO ENOUGH TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT,

WELL, YOU COULD EASILY COME GUNNING FOR US WITH A CHAIN SAW

AND A HOCKEY MASK.

YEAH. WE'LL LISTEN TO ANYTHING YOU SAY.

SO, UM,

GIVE US SOME ADVICE.

ADVICE?

I'M KIND OF ON THE SPOT NOW, AREN'T I?

[laughing]

I HAVEN'T REALLY GIVEN IT MUCH THOUGHT.

I... I JUST FIGURED I'D DIE

WHEN I SET MYSELF ON FIRE.

I KNOW. ME, TOO.

BOY, SO I'M REALLY YOUR HERO, HUH?

AND YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I SAY? YEAH.

WOW.

WHY, THAT'S A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY.

WELL, HERE'S HOW I'D GO ABOUT IT.

THE FIRST THING I WOULD DO...

(Chris) IT WAS A NEW EXPERIENCE

DRIVING DOWN MEADOWBROOK LANE.

WHAT WAS ONCE A SEEDY, DILAPIDATED, DECREPIT STREET

INHABITED BY HORRIBLE RUFFIANS,

HOOLIGANS AND NE'ER DO WELLS,

HAD NOW TRANSFORMED INTO A SEEDY, DILAPIDATED,

DECREPIT STREET INHABITED BY

WELL-BEHAVED, WELL-GROOMED, PLEASANT SMELLING

YOUNG LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

� THOSE SCHOOL GIRL DAYS

(Chris) THOSE WHO USED TO BULLY AND TORTURE OTHERS

ARE NOW BULLIED AND TORTURED BY OTHERS

THE WAY GOD INTENDED.

SOME CYNICS MIGHT SUGGEST

I'VE CREATED MY OWN MASTER RACE.

MY ANSWER TO THAT IS, "SO WHAT IF I HAVE?"

[bicycle bell ringing]

GOOD NIGHT, DRESS WARM,

AND GOD BLESS.

� WHO HAS TAKEN YOU FROM CRAYONS TO PERFUME �