Original subtitles

[MORSE CODE BEEPING]

[PIANO PLAYS]

♪ I'M NOT THE SAME AT ALL AND I CAN BLAME IT ALL ♪

♪ I THOUGHT THAT LOVE WAS A LARK ♪

♪ THERE'S SOMETHING STRANGE IN ME ♪

♪ THE SUDDEN CHANGE IN ME ♪

♪ I WALK AROUND IN THE DARK ♪

♪ SUDDENLY I FOUND A STAR ♪

♪ YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES ♪

♪ YOU MADE ME SEE THE LIGHT ♪

♪ THE BEAUTY OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES ♪

♪ YOU TAUGHT ME TO SEE ♪

♪ THE SUNNY SIDE OF THINGS ♪

♪ THE HEART WITHIN ME SINGS ♪

♪ YOU BROUGHT THIS TO ME ♪

♪ I USED TO THINK THAT LOVE WAS FANCY AND IMPASSIVE ♪

LOOKS LIKE A HIT TO ME, MARTIN.

WIRE ALL THE OFFICES.

DROP EVERYTHING AND PLUG "YOU OPENED MY EYES."

SEE THAT IT'S FEATURED

ON EVERY IMPORTANT RADIO PROGRAM.

GET A PUBLICITY TIE-UP WITH ALL DEPARTMENT

AND MUSIC STORES.

THAT'S ALL.

♪ YOU OPENED MY EYES ♪

♪ I WAKEN FROM A TRANCE ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE IN EVERY GLANCE ♪

Man: ♪ YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE BEFORE ME ♪

♪ YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES ♪

YOU KNOW, MARY'S THE ONLY GIRL WHO EVER OPENED MY EYES.

WHEN I GET FINISHED WITH THIS INVENTION, IT'LL OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

IT'S THE GREATEST IDEA I'VE EVER HAD, AND, BOY,

YOU KNOW I'VE HAD A LOT OF THEM.

YEAH, BUT NONE OF THEM EVER WORKED.

A MERE COINCIDENCE.

[MACHINE BUZZES]

IT WORKS! IT WORKS!

YEAH, BUT HOW YOU EVER GONNA GET A MOUSE TO RUN WAY UP THERE?

LISTEN, NITWIT, IT'S NOT A MOUSETRAP; IT'S A MAN TRAP.

FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU COMMITTED A CRIME AND LIED ABOUT IT,

THAT MACHINE WOULD MAKE YOU TELL THE TRUTH.

IN OTHER WORDS, IT'LL MAKE YOU SAY THE FIRST THING

THAT COMES INTO YOUR HEAD.

NOW FOR THE GREAT EXPERIMENT.

UM--NOW, WAIT--YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE THIS.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE. ALL I DO IS THROW ON THE SWITCH,

AND YOU SAY THE FIRST THING THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD.

SUPPOSING I GET A SHOCK?

HA! IF THERE'S ANYTHING IN THAT HEAD OF YOURS, I'LL GET THE SHOCK.

NOW TO SEE WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND.

[MACHINE BUZZES]

GAH! I LOVE MARY!

I LOVE MARY!

I LOVE MARY!

MY BOY, WE'RE MADE. IT WORKS.

AH!

IT'S EASY FOR THAT THING TO MAKE ME SAY WHAT'S ON MY MIND,

BECAUSE MARY'S ALL I'M EVER THINKING OF.

THE MACHINE IS NEVER WRONG, POSITIVELY NEVER WRONG.

GOOD MORNING, MARY.

GOOD MORNING, MR. LAKE.

ANYTHING IMPORTANT IN THE MAIL?

THE PRESS AND PRODUCTIONS ARE COMPLAINING

BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T RECEIVED THE MURDER SONG THEY ORDERED FOR THEIR NEW SHOW.

WITH 4,000 DAFFY SONGWRITERS ON MY HEELS ALL DAY,

I CAN'T GET A SPECIAL SONG WHEN I WANT IT!

CALL MISS WATSON.

HELLO?

Mary: PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.

HOW DO YOU DO, MRS. LAKE?

GOOD MORNING.

UH, THAT'S ALL, MISS ROBERTS.

WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, ALICE? YOU SEEM UPSET.

THERE'S A REASON, WINNY; I'M TERRIBLY UPSET.

LOOK. ANOTHER ONE.

IT CAME THIS MORNING-- THAT'S THE FOURTH ONE.

THIS BUSINESS IS GETTING ON MY NERVES.

WELL, I'M GETTING PANICKY, WINNY.

WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I THINK YOU'D BETTER GIVE THEM THE MONEY.

WHY SHOULD THE BLACK WIDOW PICK ON ME?

ANYWAY, IT'S PROBABLY SOME DOPE'S IDEA OF A JOKE...

AND IF IT ISN'T, I'D BE FOOLISH TO NOTIFY THE POLICE.

NO, NO, NO, WE-- WE'VE JUST GOT TO WAIT DEVELOPMENTS.

WHILE WE'RE WAITING, THESE NOTES CONTINUE.

WE'RE GOING TO ENGAGE A PRIVATE DETECTIVE.

WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT...ANYONE BUT WILLIAM DARRELL.

HE DID A FINE JOB WITH THAT CLEVELAND CASE FOR YOU.

WELL, I'M NOT QUESTIONING THAT--

HE'S A GREAT DETECTIVE, THE BEST--

BUT I CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY A RETAINER LIKE THAT AGAIN.

THIS IS NO TIME TO THINK OF MONEY.

WE'RE GOING TO DARRELL. HE'LL GIVE YOU REAL PROTECTION,

THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS AT A TIME LIKE THIS.

WELL, IF IT'LL EASE YOUR MIND, DEAR, I'LL--

I'LL CALL HIM AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.

[RATTLING]

[RATTLING]

BOSS, COULD I BOTHER YOU FOR A PACKAGE OF SNUFF?

SNUFF? CERTAINLY.

WHAT KIND OF SNUFF YOU WANT, THE LEFT-HANDED OR THE RIGHT-HANDED KIND?

I WANT THE SNIFFING KIND.

HEH HEH! "SNIFFING KIND"-- THAT'S GOOD.

WHOO! MISSISSIPPI MARBLES.

BOSS, WHAT'S THE OBJECT OF THIS GAME?

THE IDEA OF THIS LITTLE GAME IS THAT YOU SELECT A NUMBER.

NOW, YOU TAKE A NUMBER.

I'LL TAKE 23.

OH, YOU GOT TWO NUMBERS. YOU HAVE TO TAKE ONE AT A TIME.

WILL YOU TAKE ACES?

OH, NO. THEM SNAKE EYES.

I'LL TAKE 5s.

FIVES YOU GOT.

[DICE RATTLE]

WHOO! LOOK AT THE 5s.

YOU LOOK AT THEM. I'M SICK.

OH.

[DICE RATTLE]

THERE'S ONE 2 IN THERE!

HEH HEH! YEAH, I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED.

I DON'T KNOW.

JOHNNY?

HEH! MARY!

LISTEN, HONEY, MR. LAKE IS IN AN AWFUL SPOT.

HE NEEDS A MURDER SONG.

SO FAR, NO ONE HAS TURNED IN A SUITABLE IDEA,

AND THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO WRITE ONE FOR HIM!

IT'S THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME.

I'LL WRITE IT...

AND WHAT'S MORE, I'LL SELL IT TO LAKE.

I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, JOHNNY!

I MUST RUN ALONG NOW BEFORE MR. LAKE MISSES ME.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW ABOUT TAKING ONE PUNCH FOR OUR WEDDING RING, HUH?

ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, MARY, EVERY TIME I THINK

OF YOU WORKING FOR THAT GUY LAKE,

IT JUST MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL.

NOW, REMEMBER, JOHNNY, YOU MAY HAVE TO SELL THAT SONG TO HIM.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S NOT OUR LUCKY DAY.

Man: ♪ MOST EVERYBODY LIKES MUSIC ♪

♪ SONGS ARE THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE ♪

[JOHNNY WHISTLES]

♪ SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT I'M FALLING ♪

♪ HERE'S WHAT I'VE GOT PLENTY OF ♪

♪ MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

[PIANO PLAYS]

♪ FROM THE VERY START ♪

[PIANO PLAYS]

♪ YOU STRUCK A NOTE THAT WROTE ♪

♪ THE MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

♪ LIFE BECAME A SONG ♪

♪ WHEN YOU CAME ALONG ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE WORDS THAT FIT ♪

♪ THE MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

[BELLS RING]

♪ WEDDING BELLS ARE PLAYING ♪

♪ I HEAR THEM, DON'T YOU? ♪

♪ SEEMS TO ME THEY'RE SAYING ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU, I DO ♪

♪ MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

♪ IF WE EVER PART ♪

♪ I'D GET THE BLUES AND LOSE ♪

♪ THE MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

♪ MUSIC IN MY HEART, LA-DA-DA-DA-DA ♪

♪ FROM THE VERY START, LA-DA-DA-DA ♪

♪ YOU STRUCK A NOTE THAT WROTE ♪

♪ THE MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

♪ LIFE BECAME A SONG, LA-DA-DA-DA-DA ♪

♪ WHEN YOU CAME ALONG, LA-DA-DA-DA ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE WORDS THAT FIT ♪

♪ THE MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

♪ WEDDING BELLS ARE PLAYING ♪

♪ I HEAR THEM, DON'T YOU? ♪

♪ SEEMS TO ME THEY'RE SAYIN' ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU, I DO ♪

♪ MUSIC IN MY HEART, LA-DA-DA-DA-DA ♪

♪ IF WE EVER PART, LA-DA-DA-DA ♪

Both: ♪ I'D GET THE BLUES AND LOSE ♪

♪ THE MUSIC IN MY HEART

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[MUSIC ENDS]

WAIT A MINUTE.

GAME CALLED ON ACCOUNT OF DARKNESS.

OH.

THAT DIDN'T TAKE ME LONG, DID IT?

BOY, YOU MUST'VE DRUNK RIGHT OUT OF THE BOTTLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT MARY SAID?

SHE SAID THAT WE SHOULD WRITE A SONG ABOUT A MURDER.

YOU MUST'VE DRUNK THE BOTTLE, TOO.

NO, I--I'M NOT KIDDING!

LAKE IS IN THE MARKET FOR A MURDER SONG.

YEAH? OH, WELL, THEN JUST LEAVE IT TO ME.

NOW, THE FIRST THING WE GOT TO DO IS TO GET A TITLE.

HOW'S THIS: "ALWAYS BE GOOD TO YOUR MURDER"?

NO, THAT'S NO GOOD.

HOW ABOUT "I'LL KILL HIM WITH KINDNESS"?

NO, NO, THAT'S NOT BRUTAL ENOUGH.

Paperboy: EXTREE! READ ALL ABOUT THE BLACK WIDOW!

CITIZENS THREATENED WITH MURDER! EXTREE!

THERE'S YOUR IDEA FOR A SONG!

YES, AND IT'S TOPICAL, TOO!

I'LL GIVE YOU A TITLE FOR IT RIGHT NOW:

"BLACK WIDOW, I LOVE YA."

NO, THAT'S TOO ROMANTIC.

WE'VE GOT TO GET SOMETHING, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE MORE MYSTERIOUS.

OH, HOW'S THIS:

"THE BLACK WIDOW'S GONNA GETCHA IF YOU DON'T WATCH OUT"?

Man: THE BLACK WIDOW DONE GOT ME.

SAY, WHAT'S HE DOING WITH OUR STUFF?

"OUR STUFF"? YOU MEAN "HIS STUFF."

HE WON IT ON THE DICE GAME.

BOY, I NEVER SAW SO MANY 5s IN ALL OF MY LIFE.

HOW'D HE DO IT?

THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

[MACHINE BUZZES]

I CHEATED THE DICE!

I CHEATED THE DICE!

I CHEATED THE DICE!

OHH! OHH!

LET HIM GO!

WE MAY GET A SET OF GOLF CLUBS.

OHH!

MR. DARRELL, I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN HOW WELL YOU HANDLED

THAT CLEVELAND CASE FOR ME--THAT'S THE REASON I CALLED YOU.

I WANT YOUR ADVICE AND PROTECTION.

I'M GLAD YOU DID.

THIS, TO ME, IS QUITE GENUINE AND EQUALLY SERIOUS.

THERE'S A DANGEROUS MANIAC LOOSE IN TOWN,

AND NOBODY IS SAFE UNTIL HE'S APPREHENDED.

YOU SEE, WINFIELD? IT WASN'T A HOAX.

YOU WILL TAKE THE CASE, WON'T YOU, MR. DARRELL?

I SHOULD BE VERY GLAD TO ASSIGN

ONE OF MY BEST OPERATIVES

TO ACCOMPANY MR. LAKE WHEREVER HE GOES.

NO, NO, NO, I DON'T WANT ANY UNDERLING

TO WATCH OUT FOR MY LIFE; I WANT YOU.

I HAVE A LARGE ORGANIZATION, MR. LAKE.

I'M SORRY, BUT MY PRESENCE IS REQUIRED

HERE IN AN EXECUTIVE CAPACITY.

WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR PRICE IS, JUST SO LONG AS YOU GUARD MR. LAKE.

YOU MAKE A SLIGHT TACTICAL ERROR IN SUGGESTING THAT I--

WELL, THAT I ACT AS MR. LAKE'S BODYGUARD.

BUT THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS SITUATION,

AND I SHOULDN'T FEEL SAFE UNLESS YOU WERE WITH ME

UNTIL THIS THING CLEARED UP.

BESIDES, I'M WILLING TO PAY--

YOUR SECOND ERROR IS IN YOUR APPROACH.

NOW, IF YOU CAME TO ME AS A SPORTSMAN AND ASKED ME

TO INDULGE IN MY FAVORITE PASTIME,

HUNTING AND TRAPPING,

THEN I MIGHT BE INTERESTED.

THEN YOU WILL HELP ME?

I WILL, MR. LAKE.

THANK YOU. WE'LL BE REALLY GRATEFUL.

[SNAP]

OUCH! OW!

HEH. HELLO, MARY!

I'M SORRY, JOHNNY.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I DIDN'T EVEN FEEL IT.

ANY LUCK?

NOPE. I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO WIN THAT RING.

OH, I MEAN ABOUT WRITING THAT MURDER SONG.

OH, YEAH, I STAYED UP AND WROTE IT LAST NIGHT.

NEWT'S HOME NOW PUTTING ON SOME FINISHING TOUCHES.

OH, I HOPE IT'S THE BIGGEST HIT EVER WRITTEN!

IF IT IS, WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED.

AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE OUR OWN LITTLE HOME

AND, UH, OUR OWN LITTLE CAR

AND, UH, OUR OWN LITTLE CHILDREN.

LET'S PUNCH FOR THE RING.

950. YOU WIN SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT.

HEH!

LOOK. IT'S A REVOLVER.

I DON'T WANT A REVOLVER; I'M SCARED TO DEATH OF THEM!

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF. LOOK. IT'S EMPTY.

IT'S ALWAYS THE EMPTY ONE THAT KILLS SOMEONE.

HERE COMES LAKE.

UH-OH! I'M LATE!

BYE.

HERE, TAKE THIS! IT'S YOUR SONG!

NOW'S THE CHANCE TO SELL IT TO LAKE!

I CAN'T. I FEEL LIKE I GOT 3 TONGUES.

WELL, SING WITH THE MIDDLE ONE.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH IS WHICH.

GIVE ME THAT THING! I'LL SELL IT TO HIM...

AND I'LL PUT SOME FEELING IN IT, TOO!

OH, MR. LAKE?

I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU:

"THE BLACK WIDOW'S GOING TO GETCHA."

"THE BLACK WIDOW'S GOING TO GETCHA

IF YOU DON'T WATCH OUT."

"THE BLACK WIDOW'S GOING TO GETCHA...

IF YOU DON'T WATCH OUT."

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT THE BLACK WIDOW!

LISTEN. ♪ ME-ME-ME-ME

[MUSIC PLAYS]

AT NIGHT WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING,

IN YOUR ROOM SHE COMES A-CREEPING.

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

FIRST, YOU GET A WARNING, A SCARY LITTLE NOTE,

AND THEN YOU GET A CHOKING, A CHOKING IN YOUR THROAT.

YOU FIGHT AND THEN YOU STRUGGLE

FOR HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS...

♪ NEXT DAY, YOUR FRIENDS ALL SEND FLOWERS ♪

♪ I DON'T MIND THE BLACK WIDOW ♪

♪ FRIEND, I'M NOT SCARED ♪

♪ WE'RE GONNA BURY HIM ♪

♪ WHERE WE FIND HIS HEAD ♪

IF YOU'RE YOUNG OR OLD OR HANDSOME,

YOU HAD BETTER PAY THE RANSOM...

♪ 'CAUSE THE WIDOW'S GOIN' TO GETCHA ♪

♪ IF YOU DON'T WATCH OUT ♪

♪ WHAT I MEAN IS

♪ THE WIDOW'S GONNA GET YOU ♪

♪ IF YOU DON'T WATCH OUT ♪♪

[MUSIC ENDS]

DARRELL, WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?

DON'T YOU GET IT, MR. LAKE?

HE'S SELLING YOU A SONG...

"PLUGGING," I BELIEVE YOU CALL IT.

OH. SO THAT'S WHAT IT IS?

I'VE GOT AN OFFICE FOR THOSE THINGS.

YOU'VE GOT MORE GALL THAN ANY MAN I EVER MET,

AND IF YOU EVER TRY A THING LIKE THAT AGAIN,

I'LL HAVE YOU THROWN OUT OF THE BUILDING!

DO YOU GET ME?!

I GUESS HE DOESN'T CRAVE THE BLACK WIDOW.

YEAH, HE WALKED OUT ON US.

REMIND ME TO HATE HIM, WILL YOU?

FOR A MOMENT, THOSE TWO BOYS HAD ME WORRIED.

WELL, WHEN YOU'RE DEALING WITH ASPIRING SONGWRITERS, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

NOW, THIS IS THE HOME OFFICE AND HEADQUARTERS.

YOU OCCUPY THE ENTIRE BUILDING?

OH, NO. UPSTAIRS IS A COSTUME RENTAL COMPANY.

OH, AND BY THE WAY, IF ANYONE QUESTIONS YOUR PRESENCE HERE...

YEAH--I'M A SONGWRITER.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME, DARRELL.

GOOD MORNING.

OH. COME IN, CLARK.

WHAT'S HIS IDEA OF PULLING THAT "GOOD MORNING" LINE?

I USED THAT IN A SONG TWO YEARS AGO.

HE STOLE THAT FROM ME.

LOOK HERE, LAKE.

I'VE BEEN CHECKING UP AND I'M GETTING CHEATED AROUND HERE.

THE TRADE PAPERS SAY THAT MY SONG'S LEADING THE COUNTRY.

WELL, I'M PAYING OFF ON MY BOOKS, NOT ON YOUR CHECKUP!

WELL, BOOKS CAN BE WRONG ACCIDENTALLY OR ON PURPOSE,

AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS!

I'VE BEEN THREATENED BY MORE IMPORTANT PEOPLE THAN YOU ARE.

LURCH, COME IN HERE!

YES, SIR.

Mr. Lake: AND BRING THE COMPLETE FOLDER ON "YOU OPENED MY EYES"!

YES, SIR.

HERE YOU ARE, HAL.

I'LL TAKE IT DOWN TO JOHNNY.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO HIM?

OH, I ALWAYS KNOW WHERE TO TAKE YOUR NOTES WHEN YOU WRITE WITH A SMILE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY A SONG WHICH IS SWEEPING THE COUNTRY

SHOWS A SALE OF ONLY 15,000 COPIES.

WELL, THE, UH, THE PACIFIC COAST HASN'T REPORTED YET.

YES, THIS MIGHT BE A CLERICAL ERROR.

LURCH, UNLESS YOU FIND OUT

WHERE THAT SLIP-UP IS,

I'M GOING TO CALL IN OUTSIDE AUDITORS.

THAT'S ALL.

YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU'RE PUTTING ON AN ACT...

BUT I'M GONNA GET WHAT'S COMING TO ME,

OR SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET WHAT'S COMING TO HIM!

GOOD DAY.

DID YOU HEAR THAT? "GOOD DAY."

HE SWITCHED MY "GOOD MORNING" LINE.

MR. LAKE WILL SEE YOU NOW.

THANKS. THANKS VERY MUCH.

NOW, LOOK HERE, HAZEL.

I'VE WASTED A LOT OF TIME WITH YOU,

AND I'M VERY BUSY.

POSSIBLY YOU NEED AN ASSISTANT...

I DO EXECUTIVE WORK, TOO.

I CAN ONLY TELL YOU WHAT I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY AND EVERY DAY BEFORE:

THERE IS A MARKET FOR A COMEDY SONG LIKE "YES! WE HAVE NO BANANAS."

I HAVE IT. I WROTE A SONG ON THAT ORDER.

WHAT'S YOUR TITLE?

"YES! WE HAVE NO ORANGES."

WELL, LET ME HEAR YOUR FIRST CHORUS.

YES, WE HAVE NO ORANGES...

COME ON! LET ME HAVE THE REST OF IT!

THAT'S AS FAR AS I GOT.

I--I CAN'T FIND A WORD TO RHYME WITH "ORANGES."

NOW, LISTEN. YOU GET OUT OF HERE AND DON'T COME BACK.

HERE'S A NOTE FOR YOU, JOHNNY.

THANKS, HAL.

I'M GOING UPSTAIRS TO SEE MARY.

WHEN YOU SEE HER, TELL HER YOU SAW ME WHEN YOU SEE HER.

WHAT?

WHEN I SEE HER, I'LL TELL HER I SAW YOU WHEN I SEE ME.

WHEN YOU SEE ME, YOU TELL ME I SAW YOU WHEN I SEE ME.

WHEN I SEE HER, YOU TELL ME I SAW YOU WHEN I SEE HER!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHEN I SEE ME, I'LL TELL HER I SAW YOU WHEN I SEE ME.

WHAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IS THAT?

WHERE YOU GOING WHEN YOU LEAVE HERE?

I'M GOING UPSTAIRS.

WHO YOU GONNA SEE? MARY.

WHO YOU LOOKING AT NOW? YOU.

WELL, TELL HER THAT!

I'M GONNA KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.

WHOA-OH!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

HEY!

I'M AWFULLY SORRY, OLD CHAP. IT WAS CARELESS OF ME.

HEY, HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS THING, WILL YOU?

THERE'S A MURDER ABOUT TO BE COMMITTED AND I'VE GOT TO STOP IT!

A MURDER? YES, A MURDER!

AND WHY DON'T YOU REMEMBER YOU'RE A MARRIED MAN?

AND IF I WEREN'T, WOULD IT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE?

GET YOUR HAT AND COAT ON, MARY.

YOU'RE THROUGH WORKING FOR THIS GUY. MEET ME DOWNSTAIRS.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, SON.

YOU KNOW WHAT I OUGHT TO DO TO YOU?

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOUR SONG.

I THINK IT'S GREAT.

BOY, I COULD GIVE YOU--

YOU'VE GOT ME ALL WRONG!

OH, I HAVEN'T GOTTEN YOU ALL WRONG.

DO YOU THINK FOR A MINUTE THAT YOU CAN BRIBE ME BY TRYING TO BUY MY SONG?

MARY'S THROUGH WORKING FOR YOU OR ANYBODY LIKE IT...

AND I WOULDN'T SELL YOU MY SONG IF YOU WERE THE LAST PUBLISHER IN TOWN!

AND ANOTHER THING: YOU CAN BUY YOUR CIGARS SOMEWHERE ELSE!

[BUZZER RINGS CONTINUOUSLY]

I--

WHOA-OH!

[BUZZER RINGS CONTINUOUSLY]

[CRASH]

[BUZZER RINGS CONTINUOUSLY]

OH, HOW DO YOU DO, MRS. LAKE?

HOW DO YOU DO, MR. DARRELL?

IT GIVES ME A GREAT DEAL OF COMFORT TO SEE YOU'RE WATCHING OUT FOR MY HUSBAND.

WELL, I APPRECIATE YOUR CONFIDENCE IN ME,

AND I PROMISE TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER

TO SEE THAT NO HARM COMES TO HIM.

OPERATOR? GIVE ME THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.

MY DEAR SIR, I AM SO SORRY.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

HAS MISS ROBERTS COME DOWN YET?

NO, SIR.

DID YOU DO THAT TO LAKE?

I CERTAINLY DID. HE HAD IT COMING TO HIM.

I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THAT FOR A LONG TIME!

DID ANYBODY SEE YOU DO IT?

ONLY MARY.

I FIXED THAT GUY SO HE WON'T BOTHER HER ANYMORE!

SHH!

YOU CERTAINLY DID, BUT I'LL STICK WITH YOU, PAL.

THE COPS WILL NEVER GETCHA.

I'D JUST LOVE TO SEE THE POLICE TRY TO TAKE YOU.

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL SERVICE.

HERE. TAKE HIM UPSTAIRS! QUICK!

WHAT'S THE IDEA?

HEY, WHAT FLOOR IS WINFIELD LAKE ON?

LAKE? LAKE?

WHY, WE HAVEN'T HAD A LAKE IN THIS BUILDING

SINCE THEY FIXED THE ROOF.

LAKE IS THE HEAD OF THE PUBLISHING COMPANY!

COME ON, YOU MUST KNOW HIM!

OH, YOU MEAN THE BIG FELLA WITH A BIG, ROUND FACE?

YEAH.

GRAY HAIR, A LITTLE MOUSTACHE?

THAT'S RIGHT.

BROWN SUIT AND A TAN OVERCOAT?

RIGHT.

DRIVES A BIG LINCOLN CAR?

THAT'S THE FELLA.

NO, I DON'T KNOW HIM.

LAKE PUBLISHING COMPANY ON THE FIFTH FLOOR.

RIGHT.

HEH. YOU CAN'T GO UPSTAIRS;

THE ELEVATOR'S OUT OF ORDER.

COME ON, BOYS.

Johnny: SAY, LISTEN--

Newt: GET BACK-- HA HA!

AHEM. THEY FIXED IT.

SAY, WHAT'S THE IDEA OF SENDING ME UPSTAIRS?

THE ELEVATOR'S OUT OF ORDER, HUH?

RILEY, KEEP YOUR EYE ON HIM. STAY HERE.

COME ON, BOYS.

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING OUT, BUT I GUESS I'M NOT.

YEAH.

[POCKET WATCH RINGS]

[RINGING STOPS]

WELL, LET'S SEE THAT.

[POCKET WATCH RINGS, STOPS]

[POCKET WATCH RINGS]

THAT'S QUITE A NOVELTY.

[BUZZER RINGS CONTINUOUSLY]

[DOORKNOB TURNS]

HELLO, DARRELL.

HELLO, JENNINGS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

DEATH INVESTIGATION.

YEAH? WHO'S THE DECEASED?

WINFIELD LAKE HAS BEEN MURDERED.

OH, OH, MY HUSBAND!

LAKE MURDERED? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HOW?

WELL, SEEING AS YOU'RE HERE, DARRELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD TELL ME.

WELL, WHERE IS HE?

HE'S IN THERE.

STAY HERE. COME ON, BOYS.

WELL, IT'S A CASE FOR THE CORONER, ALL RIGHT.

HE'S ON HIS WAY.

WHO CALLED THE POLICE?

I DID, SIR.

DID YOU FIND THE BODY?

YES, SIR.

HOW'D YOU HAPPEN TO DISCOVER MR. LAKE?

WHY, THE BUZZER FROM HIS OFFICE WAS RINGING.

I DIDN'T SEE HIS SECRETARY, SO I TOOK THE CALL.

Darrell: JENNINGS, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?

A BLACK WIDOW, EH?

LAKE RECEIVED AND IGNORED SOME THREATENING MESSAGES FROM THE BLACK WIDOW.

HE SHOWED ME ONE IN MY OFFICE YESTERDAY WHEN HE ENGAGED ME.

SO THE BLACK WIDOW FINALLY STRUCK, HUH?

[WHISPERING] I'M GOING TO FAINT.

[GROANING]

OOH! LOOK! HE'S FAINTED!

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU STANDING THERE FOR?! WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?!

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, OFFICER. DON'T MIND ME.

I'M SUBJECT TO THESE FAINTING SPELLS.

WERE YOU TRYING TO PULL A FAST ONE ON ME?

WHO? ME?

WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE?

YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!

NO. I'M NOT GONNA LEAVE MY PAL.

IF HE STAYS, I STAY.

JOHNNY, YOU'VE GOT THE BRAIN OF A 6-YEAR-OLD BOY...

AND I'LL BET EVEN HE WAS GLAD TO GET RID OF IT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

OH, MY HUSBAND! MY HUSBAND!

[MRS. LAKE CRIES]

TAKE IT EASY, MRS. LAKE.

WAIT HERE. COME ON.

JENNINGS, IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE THAT SOMEBODY

KNOWING ABOUT THE BLACK WIDOW'S THREAT TO LAKE

USED THIS MEANS OF KILLING HIM AS A COVER-UP.

YEAH, THAT'S QUITE POSSIBLE.

DID YOU HEAR ANY VOICES COMING FROM THIS OFFICE?

ANY SCUFFLING OR LOUD NOISES?

NO, SIR.

WHAT DO YOU DO HERE, ANYWAY?

I'M THE HEAD AUDITOR, SIR.

DO YOU KNOW OF ANY DISPUTES OR ARGUMENTS THAT LAKE HAD

WITH ANY DISGRUNTLED BUSINESS ASSOCIATES?

THERE WAS A QUARREL THIS MORNING, BUT IT WAS NOTHING.

I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT!

WHAT WAS THE QUARREL ABOUT AND WITH WHOM?

SOME SONGWRITER ACCUSED MR. LAKE OF NOT GIVING HIM HIS JUST ROYALTIES.

AND THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT, HUH?

YES, SIR.

WAS IT A VERY STORMY SESSION?

WELL, UH-- OH, COME ON, COME ON!

WERE THERE ANY THREATS HURLED?

YES; BY CLARK.

CLARK? WHAT'S HIS FULL NAME?

GEORGE CLARK.

YOU KNOW WHERE HE LIVES?

I HAVE HIS ADDRESS IN MY FILES.

GOOD. EDDIE?

GET THAT ADDRESS AND PICK HIM UP RIGHT AWAY.

ANYBODY ELSE HERE?

JOHNNY, THE BOY ON THE NEWSSTAND DOWNSTAIRS.

PICK HIM UP, TOO. WHO ELSE?

A PERSON BY THE NAME OF HAZEL.

"HAZEL"?

OH, A HARMLESS OLD CHAP, NOT A TROUBLEMAKER.

IN LESS TURBULENT TIMES, HE'D HAVE AMUSED ME.

CHARLIE, ROUND HIM UP ANYWAY.

PICK IT UP!

NO, YOU DON'T!

RUN FOR IT! RUN FOR IT!

ANOTHER MOVE LIKE THAT AND I'M LIABLE TO TAKE A SHOT AT YOU!

GIVE ME THAT HAND.

YOU'RE GONNA STAY RIGHT HERE UNTIL I GET READY TO GO.

HEH. THAT SUITS ME. MY CONSCIENCE IS CLEAR.

HERE'S YOUR CAP, OFFICER.

THANKS, MY BOY! YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!

WHEW! WAIT HERE.

RILEY, HAVE YOU SEEN THE FELLA THAT RUNS THE CIGAR STAND?

HIS NAME IS JOHNNY.

NO, NO, NO, HE'S NOT AROUND. HE'S NOT AROUND.

HE MEANS ME. I'M JOHNNY.

OH, ARE YOU JOHNNY?

COME ON.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

YEAH...IN ABOUT 20 YEARS.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! I DID IT!

OH, NO, YOU DON'T. YOU'RE STAYING RIGHT HERE.

MRS. LAKE, WERE YOUR RELATIONS WITH YOUR HUSBAND HARMONIOUS?

WHY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN--

NOW, PLEASE, MRS. LAKE. THIS IS A POLICE INVESTIGATION.

I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D ANSWER MY QUESTION.

WE LOVED EACH OTHER DEARLY.

WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE HIM?

IN THIS OFFICE THIS MORNING.

WAS THERE ANYONE WITH HIM WHEN YOU CAME IN?

JUST HIS SECRETARY.

I SAW HER AS I WENT OUT TO TALK TO MR. DARRELL.

WHERE IS THE SECRETARY?

YES, WHERE IS MY HUSBAND'S CHARMING SECRETARY?

YOU SAY THAT THE BUZZER WAS RINGING

WHEN YOU CAME IN AND FOUND LAKE DEAD?

YES, SIR.

WELL, IF HE WAS DEAD, WHO WAS RINGING THE BUZZER?

HIS LEFT HAND WAS RESTING ON IT.

HIS RIGHT HAND LOOKED TO ME LIKE HE WAS REACHING FOR THE GUN.

WHAT GUN?

WHY, THE GUN THAT WAS THERE.

I DON'T RECALL SEEING IT SINCE I PHONED FOR THE POLICE.

SAY, WHERE'S THAT GUN?

MY GUESS IS IF YOU FIND HIS SECRETARY, YOU'LL FIND THE GUN.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! STOP HIM!

"OH, THERE HASN'T BEEN NO CHANGES;

WE STILL HAVE NO ORANGES."

SAY, WHAT IS THIS?

"THERE HASN'T BEEN NO CHANGES; WE STILL HAVE NO O-RANGES."

SECOND VERSE... SNAPPY, ISN'T IT?

THAT'S THE HARMLESS OLD FELLOW I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON HIM.

THAT TITLE WAS USED IN 1924.

YOU--

COME IN, MISS.

HERE'S THE GUN.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

MARY ROBERTS.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

I'M--I WAS MR. LAKE'S SECRETARY.

WHERE'D YOU GET THIS GUN?

WHY, SHE WON IT ON MY PUNCHBOARD THIS MORNING.

Jennings: OH, REALLY?

WELL, YOUNG LADY, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

NOTHING. NOPE.

THERE ISN'T VERY MUCH YOU CAN SAY, IS THERE?

SWELL STUFF, BUDDY. YOU PUT THE ROPE RIGHT AROUND THAT GAL'S NECK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

HEY, LET ME SEE YOU GET OUT OF THOSE THINGS AGAIN.

NO. I DON'T WANT TO.

OH, COME ON, PALSIE. BE A SPORT.

UH-UH. I DON'T WANT TO.

OH, PLEASE.

WELL, LOOK, THE WAY I DO IT, IT'S A SECRET.

SO IF YOU'LL PROMISE NOT TO TELL...

OH, I'LL NEVER TELL.

WELL, HERE'S THE WAY YOU DO IT.

YOU SQUEEZE THE HAND TOGETHER WITH THE THUMB BENEATH,

AND THEN YOU PULL.

THERE YOU ARE. IT'S EASY.

THAT LOOKS LIKE A CINCH.

EVEN YOU COULD DO IT. OH, CAN I?

SURE, YOU CAN DO IT!

LOOK. PUT YOUR HAND THROUGH THERE.

[HANDCUFF CLASPS]

[HANDCUFF CLASPS]

NOW, PUT YOUR-- PUT YOUR FINGERS RIGHT TOGETHER.

THUMB BENEATH. THUMB BENEATH.

NOW YOU PULL.

WHY, IT DON'T WORK. I'M STUCK.

YOU'RE STUCK?

SILLY, ISN'T IT? I--I CAN'T GET THEM OFF.

YOU CAN'T GET THEM OFF? NO.

THAT'S ALL I WANT TO KNOW.

HEY, COME BACK WITH THAT KEY!

[CRASH]

I'M SORRY.

YOU'RE SORRY?

HEY, DON'T DO THAT!

WHAT A SERVE! WHAT A SERVE!

UGH!

HEY, HEY!

YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF:

PLAYING TENNIS IN AN OFFICE BUILDING.

NAY, MY DEAR CONSTABLE--

QUIET!

RILEY, WHAT'S THE IDEA OF LETTING HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS?

RILEY, STAND UP ON YOUR FEET AND ANSWER ME.

[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]

THAT'S ALL, MRS. LAKE. YOU CAN GO.

THANK YOU, CAPTAIN JENNINGS.

THAT'S ALL, LURCH.

YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, EDDIE, TAKE HER AWAY.

CAPTAIN?

SHE'S TAKING THE RAP FOR THE ONE WHO DID THE KILLING:

ME, AND I'M GONNA CONFESS.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, LET HER GO. CAN'T YOU SEE SHE'S INNOCENT?

I KILLED THE OLD-- I KILLED MR. LAKE!

YOU DID WHAT?

Johnny: I KILLED LAKE! Jennings: WHY?

Johnny: I JUST THOUGHT HE NEEDED KILLING.

PARDON ME, STRANGER.

COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND A POLICEMAN?

WHY? WHAT'S HAPPENED? I JUST KILLED A MAN.

ANOTHER KILLING? WHO?

WINFIELD LAKE.

YOU KILLED WINFIELD LAKE?

YES. I--I LOST MY HEAD.

WHY, WINFIELD LAKE WAS KILLED OVER AN HOUR AGO.

WELL, I JUST FOUND MY HEAD.

NOW, LISTEN, YOUNG FELLA, IF THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE,

YOU CAN GET YOURSELF INTO AN AWFUL LOT OF TROUBLE!

DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO HIM, CAPTAIN.

HE'S JUST ACTING.

YOU SAY THAT YOU KILLED WINFIELD LAKE?

YES! I'LL TEACH HIM TO PULL A KNIFE ON ME!

I CUT HIS EAR FROM THROAT TO THROAT.

YOU MEAN YOU SHOT HIM IN SELF-DEFENSE.

NO, I SHOT HIM THROUGH THE HEART.

WINFIELD LAKE WAS SHOT IN THE HEAD!

WELL, HIS HEART WAS IN HIS MOUTH.

I REITERATE! SO DO I!

I REITERATE!

CAPTAIN, ARE YOU GONNA LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT?

I REITERATED FIRST!

I'M TELLING YA I'M THE ONE THAT KILLED HIM,

AND I SHOT HIM WITH THAT GUN.

JENNINGS?

MAY I SEE THAT GUN?

WELL, SURE.

I'D ALMOST BELIEVE HIM IF HE HADN'T OVERLOOKED

ONE VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL:

THEY DON'T HAVE LOADED GUNS IN PUNCHBOARDS.

DARRELL, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I THINK YOU'RE LYING!

WE'RE BOTH LYING: THE MAN WAS DROWNED.

SOMEBODY MUST'VE LOADED THAT GUN!

THAT'S A VERY CLEVER DEDUCTION, YOUNG MAN.

SHE LOADED IT, AND SHE KILLED LAKE.

COME ON, MISS ROBERTS. YOU'LL HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH US.

I REMEMBER NOW!

I PLACED THE GUN ON THAT DESK!

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. YOU TWO, GET OUT OF HERE.

GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR RACKET IS,

PUBLICITY OR WHAT,

BUT IF I EVER CATCH YOU AROUND HERE AGAIN,

I'LL LOCK YOU UP... AND IT WON'T BE FOR MURDER!

YOU CAN'T ORDER US OFF THE PREMISES!

OH, I CAN'T, EH?

NOW, GET OUT OF HERE AND STAY OUT!

ARE YOU GONNA LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT?

I'M NOT GONNA LEAVE WITHOUT MARY!

HEY, LISTEN, YOU.

IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF HERE AND STAY OUT OF HERE,

I'M GONNA JAM THIS THING RIGHT DOWN YOUR THROAT!

OH, NO, YOU WON'T.

OH, YES, I WILL!

OH, NO, YOU WON'T.

OH, YES, I WILL!

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO IT.

YAA!

NO, I DIDN'T DO THAT!

OH, CHIEF, I'M SORRY. NO, NO, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT FOR YOU;

I MEANT IT FOR THIS NITWIT!

OH, PLEASE DON'T.

WHAT HAPPENED? HIT HIM ON THE BACK!

HOLD STILL, CAPTAIN! GET HIM A GLASS OF WATER!

HE'S CHOKING! HE'S CHOKING!

HOLD HIM! HOLD STILL, CAPTAIN! WAIT A MINUTE!

COME ON, JOHNNY. SNAP OUT OF IT.

THROW YOUR HEAD BACK AND SMILE AT THE WORLD.

YEAH, BUT FAIR MARY IS LOCKED UP ALL BY HERSELF,

AND THAT CAPTAIN JENNINGS WON'T EVEN LET ME IN HIS OWN JAIL.

YEAH, HE'S MAD AT US, AND I KNOW WHY.

WHY?

HE HAD TO SWALLOW THAT TENNIS BALL TO GET IT OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

HA HA!

BUT WITH THIS IDEA OF MINE, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SEE MARY.

HELLO, FELLA.

[DING DONG]

♪ MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

♪ LOVE'S WHAT BRUNG ME HERE ♪

♪ FROM THE VERY START ♪

♪ FOR EVERY KISS A YEAR ♪

♪ YOU STRUCK A NOTE THAT WROTE ♪

♪ THE MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

[PIANO KEYS PLAY]

♪ LIFE BECAME A SONG ♪

♪ YEAH, BARS THAT NEVER END ♪

♪ WHEN YOU CAME ALONG ♪

♪ HAS SHE GOT A FRIEND? ♪

♪ YOU ARE THE WORDS THAT FIT ♪

♪ THE MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪

Prisoners: ♪ WEDDING BELLS ARE PLAYING ♪

♪ I HEAR THEM, DON'T YOU? ♪

♪ SEEMS TO ME THEY'RE SAYING ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU, I DO ♪

♪ MUSIC IN MY HEART, LA-DA-DI-DI-DO ♪

♪ IF WE EVER PART, LA-DA-DA-DA-DA ♪

♪ I'D GET THE BLUES AND LOSE ♪

♪ THE MUSIC IN MY HEART ♪♪

JOHNNY! MARY!

GIVE ME A BOOST.

YOU'RE A NICE FELLOW AND I

RECOMMEND YOU HIGHLY.

NO, I MEAN UP. OH.

GEE, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU!

MAYBE I'M NOT GLAD TO SEE YOU.

WE'VE COME TO RESCUE YOU.

I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD RESCUE ME.

IT WOULDN'T DO ANY GOOD; I'D ONLY BE ARRESTED AGAIN.

BUT YOU CAN'T STAY IN JAIL.

JOHNNY, DO YOU KNOW WHO'S AT THE BOTTOM OF ALL THIS?

YEAH: ME!

LISTEN, WHEN I WAS HIDING, I SAW LURCH...

KILL LAKE?

NO. BUT HE WAS TRYING TO GET INTO MR. LAKE'S DESK

AND SOMETHING FRIGHTENED HIM OUT.

BUT WHAT WOULD LURCH WANT IN LAKE'S DESK?

I DON'T KNOW. BUT IF YOU CAN FIND OUT WHAT HE WAS AFTER...

WE'LL RUSH OVER AND SOLVE THE MYSTERY AND BE RIGHT BACK!

DON'T LET THE POLICE SEE YOU.

THE POLICE DON'T BELIEVE A WORD WE TELL THEM.

WELL, I'M OFF.

WHOA!

HOW DO YOU DO, MRS. LAKE?

WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU.

MR. DARRELL, I RECEIVED ANOTHER OF THOSE NOTES

FROM THE SAME PERSON WHO KILLED MY HUSBAND.

MRS. LAKE, YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE...

OTHERS HAVE BEEN THREATENED.

IT DEMANDS MONEY AND I'M GOING TO PAY.

WELL, THAT SEEMS TO ME TO BE

THE ONLY PRACTICAL THING TO DO.

HOWEVER, CAPTAIN JENNINGS

WILL BE HERE IN A SHORT TIME,

SO LET'S LEAVE THE FINAL DECISION UP TO HIM.

OH, HELLO THERE.

HELLO, DARRELL.

WELL, WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

FRANKLY, I FIND MYSELF IN A VERY PECULIAR POSITION.

YEAH?

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,

I'VE RAISED THE WHITE FLAG TO A CRIMINAL.

I'VE ADVISED MY CLIENTS TO PAY THE EXTORTION MONEY.

WELL, THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY INVOLVED-- TO SAY NOTHING OF THE LIVES--

AND THIS UNFORTUNATE MURDER OF LAKE'S HAS CONVINCED ME

WE'RE DEALING WITH A PRETTY DESPERATE CRIMINAL.

I SHOULD VERY MUCH LIKE YOUR APPROVAL OF MY ADVICE.

IT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA, DARRELL.

HAVE ALL YOU PEOPLE RECEIVED DEMANDS TO PUT THE MONEY IN THE SAME PLACE?

YES. RIGHT.

YES, IN THE BASEMENT VENTILATOR OF THE LAKE BUILDING

AT 12:00.

I GOTCHA.

IF THE SINISTER CRIMINAL WILL TRY AND PICK UP THAT MONEY HIMSELF,

AND WHEN HE DOES, HE'S GONNA FIND IT PRETTY HARD TO GET OUT OF THAT NEIGHBORHOOD,

BECAUSE I'LL HAVE A TRAP AROUND THAT BUILDING EVEN A MOUSE COULDN'T GET OUT OF.

SPLENDID. ALL RIGHT, DARRELL.

GOOD-BYE, AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

VICK, YOU STAY CLOSE TO THE PHONE.

THE POLICE ARE STAKING OUT

THE LAKE BUILDING TONIGHT AND THEY MAY NEED YOU BOYS.

OK, CHIEF.

[BELL TOLLS]

I THINK I HEARD SOMETHING.

SHUT UP.

SEE? DUCK.

[RAIN FALLS]

WELL? WHAT ARE THE PLANS?

FIRST THING WE'RE GONNA DO IS TO GET MY INVENTION, TAKE IT UPSTAIRS,

AND PUT IT ON LURCH'S CHAIR.

THEN WE'LL OPEN MR. LAKE'S DESK

AND FIND OUT WHAT LURCH WAS AFTER.

YEAH, BUT SUPPOSING LURCH COMES IN IN THE MORNING,

SITS IN THE CHAIR, AND CONFESSES BEFORE WE ARRIVE?

HOW WILL WE KNOW?

WE'LL STAY THERE AND WAIT FOR HIM.

YOU KNOW, A MURDERER ALWAYS RETURNS TO THE SCENE OF HIS CRIME.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A GOOD THING WE'RE ON THE JOB.

IF IT WAS UP TO THAT FLATFOOT JENNINGS,

MARY WOULD NEVER GET OUT.

BOY, YOU SAID IT. "FLATFOOT" IS RIGHT.

COME ON.

Jennings: GET HIM, BOYS!

RILEY, TURN ON THE LIGHTS!

[MACHINE BUZZES]

WHOA-OH! WHOA!

JENNINGS IS A FLATFOOT! JENNINGS IS A FLATFOOT!

JENNINGS IS A FLATFOOT!

WHOA-OH!

YOU'RE A FLATFOOT... BOTH OF THEM ARE FLAT!

[BUZZING STOPS]

SHUT THAT THING OFF!

HEH. HOW ARE YOU?

HA HA! CAPTAIN JENNINGS. HA HA!

CAPTAIN JENNINGS.

THAT'S A FUNNY THING.

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL, AND HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOU NIPPERS, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT

INTERFERING WITH THE LAW?

ISN'T IT FUNNY?

WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU, CAPTAIN!

WEREN'T WE, NEWT? YEAH.

WE WERE JUST SAYING WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT HERE, ANYWAY?

WHY, WE CAME TO GET THIS THING.

WHAT'S THAT FOR? YOU'LL FIND OUT.

YEAH? WELL, YOU'LL FIND OUT

THAT YOU CAN'T INTERFERE WITH ME

AND GET AWAY WITH IT.

GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE!

OH, NOW, CAPTAIN JENNINGS, WE'VE GOT TO GET IN THE BUILDING.

NOBODY GETS IN THIS BUILDING. GET OUT OF HERE.

IF I EVER SEE YOU AROUND HERE AGAIN, I'LL LOCK YOU UP.

YOU MEAN THAT? YES!

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT NEWT SAYS ABOUT YOU GOES DOUBLE.

COME ON!

Johnny: COME ON, NEWT!

Jennings: GET OUT, AND STAY OUT!

[POLICEMAN GROANS]

[CAT SHRIEKS]

UH-OH. WHAT WAS THAT?

WHATEVER IT WAS, IT WASN'T HUMAN.

COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

[SNICKERING]

CAN YOU IMAGINE JENNINGS THINKING HE CAN KEEP US OUT OF THIS BUILDING?

YEAH, WELL, HE'S DONE ONE BIG FAVOR FOR US.

HE'S FIXED IT SO NOBODY'S GONNA COME IN TO ANNOY US WITH OUR WORK.

WE'VE GOT THE ENTIRE BUILDING TO OURSELF.

WELL, COME ON. LET'S GO UPSTAIRS AND GET STARTED.

GOOD.

YOU KNOW, WE BEING IN THIS BIG BUILDING ALL BY OURSELVES

MAKES ME FEEL KIND OF SPOOKY.

I THINK I'LL FIND A SWITCH AND PUT THE LIGHTS ON.

YEAH, WELL, IF YOU DO, I'LL PUT YOURS OUT.

PLUG THAT IN.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? BRING JENNINGS AND HIS MEN UP HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU WORRYING ABOUT, ANYWAY?

COME IN.

WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE THIS TIME OF NIGHT?

LISTEN, SLEEPY, THE COPS DONE RAIDED THE POOL HALL

WHERE WE WERE SHOOTING DICE.

WE'VE BEEN RUNNING AND RUNNING AND RUNNING...

YEAH, WE IS.

HOW COME WE CAN'T FINISH THE GAME HERE WHERE IT'S NICE AND QUIET?

YES, AIN'T NO COPS TO BOTHER YOU HERE.

YOU CAN JUST SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT.

HEH! YOU KNOW, I'M JUST DYING TO SEE THE EXPRESSION

ON LURCH'S FACE WHEN HE SITS IN THAT CHAIR.

WHEN HE SITS IN THERE, WE'LL GET MORE THAN HIS EXPRESSION;

WE'LL GET THE TRUTH.

[MACHINE BUZZES]

PERFECT, PERFECT. COME ON.

[DESK DRAWER JOSTLES]

I HOPE NOBODY FINDS US OUT.

I HOPE NOBODY FINDS US IN.

[DESK DRAWER JOSTLES]

HAVE YOU GOT A KNIFE?

THANKS.

WHAT'S THAT?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT IF IT'S THE MURDERER, LET'S GIVE HIM...

LET'S GIVE HIM WHAT?

LET'S GIVE HIM PLENTY OF ROOM.

WHAT DO YOU WANT HERE?

I'M TRYING TO FIND A RHYME.

WHAT GOES WITH "ORANGES"?

GIN.

THE BLACK WIDOW! LET'S GET HIM!

Newt: YEAH! GET HIM!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

DON'T THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT WITH US!

Newt: COME ON, CONFESS. Johnny: WE GOT YOU!

WAIT A MINUTE! IT'S MR. DARRELL.

GEE, MR. DARRELL, WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THAT HAPPEN FOR THE WORLD.

I SHOULD SAY NOT.

YEAH, WELL, FORGET IT, BOYS. FORGET IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR; I ASKED YOU FIRST.

BOYS, I'VE GOT TO SOLVE THIS CASE.

MY WHOLE PROFESSIONAL REPUTATION'S AT STAKE.

BUT I THINK I STUMBLED ACROSS SOMETHING TONIGHT THAT OFFERS A SOLUTION.

THEN YOU CAN PROVE THAT MARY'S INNOCENT?

I THINK SO. WHERE'S THE PHONE?

IN THE OFFICE, DOWNSTAIRS.

ANYTHING YOU DO FOR MARY, YOU'RE DOING FOR ME, MR. DARRELL.

[BOP]

I'M GOING TO PHONE MY OFFICE FOR A COUPLE OF THE MEN

TO COME UP HERE AND HELP ME REENACT THE CRIME.

YOU CAN'T; THE COPS WON'T LET THEM IN.

WHY SEND OUT FOR MEN? WE'RE HERE ON THE JOB.

WE'RE A COUPLE OF REENACTING FOOLS.

NOT AT ALL A BAD IDEA.

IT SAVES TIME, AND FURTHERMORE, WHATEVER WE HAVE TO DO, WE HAVE TO DO QUICKLY.

OK. WHAT DO WE DO?

NOW, I WANT EVERYTHING IN THESE OFFICES PRECISELY AS IT WAS BEFORE LAKE WAS MURDERED.

NOW, YOU, JOHNNY, I WANT YOU TO BE THE SECRETARY.

YOU GO IN THE OTHER OFFICE.

AND YOU, I WANT YOU TO BE LAKE.

I WANT YOU TO SIT IN THE SAME POSITION THAT LAKE WAS IN WHEN HE WAS MURDERED.

AHEM. YEAH. WELL, UH, I THINK I BETTER PLAY MARY.

YOU PLAY LAKE.

NO, YOU PLAY LAKE.

NO, YOU MAKE A GOOD LAKE...

ALREADY YOU GOT WATER ON THE BRAIN.

AND I'LL BE LURCH, THE BOOKKEEPER.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, TAKE YOUR PLACES.

OH, I WANT TO GET STRAIGHTENED OUT

THE ONE THING: WHO AM I?

YOU'RE MARY, AND I'M LAKE.

THAT'S RIGHT: YOU'RE MARY, HE'S LAKE, AND I--

I'M THE BLACK WIDOW! I'M THE BLACK WIDOW!

WHAT THE--

SAY, WHAT IS THIS THING?

AHEM.

GEE, I'M SORRY IT SHOCKED YOU, MR. DARRELL.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE INVENTION OF MINE.

AND YOU SAID IT NEVER FAILED TO MAKE YOU TELL THE TRUTH.

WELL, IT'S--IT'S ACTED BEAUTIFULLY UP 'TIL NOW,

BUT IT'S THE FIRST TIME IT FAILED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE THE BLACK WIDOW

WHEN WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED TO SAY WAS

THAT YOU WERE LURCH, THE BOOKKEEPER.

YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, SHUT THAT THING OFF.

IT'S OFF.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, GO BACK TO YOUR POSITIONS...

AND NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT DARN MACHINE?

Johnny: AFTER ALL YOUR HARD WORK, TOO.

HELLO, VICTOR? GET OVER HERE QUICKLY.

YEAH, THAT'S ALL.

NOW, YOU GO ON INTO MARY'S OFFICE

AND STAY THERE UNTIL I CALL YOU.

BUT SAY SOMETHING ONCE IN A WHILE...

I WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

LET ME SEE, NOW. I'M MARY?

THAT'S RIGHT.

GO AWAY, WILL YOU? GO AWAY!

PLACE IS FULL OF COCKROACHES.

BOO!

WHAT'S THE IDEA OF SCARING ME LIKE THAT?

I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I'M ALL RIGHT.

WELL, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT.

NOW, GO BACK AND TRY IT OVER AGAIN,

AND STAY THERE UNTIL I CALL YOU.

OH, MARY?

WHERE IS SHE?

WHERE IS WHO?

MARY--HOW'D SHE GET OUT?

WE'RE REENACTING!

NOW, GO BACK AND TRY IT AGAIN, WILL YOU?

OH, NO, NO. I'M NOT GOING OUT THERE AGAIN ALL BY MYSELF.

IT'S TOO DARK.

YOU'VE GOT TO GO AND STAY IN THAT OFFICE...

THAT'S YOUR PRIVATE OFFICE.

EVERY SECRETARY HAS GOT TO HAVE A PRIVATE OFFICE.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL MAKE MY OWN OFFICE.

WHOA-OH!

DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

A GENTLEMAN TO SEE YOU.

OOH!

JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE.

IT'S A GOOD THING HE SAID "PLEASE."

YOU KILLED LAKE!

WHAT?

YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID!

HE SAID, "YOU KILLED LAKE."

PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR.

FACE THAT DOOR.

JUST STAY THERE.

I'M SHOT, BUT IT DON'T HURT.

HE MUST'VE HIT YOU IN THE HEAD.

LOOK! HE'S FAINTED!

NO, HE WAS SHOT! THAT'S THE WAY THEY GOT LAKE!

GET IT!

[GUNSHOT]

Newt: WHOA-OH!

[BAGPIPES BLOW]

WHAT IS IT?! WHAT IS IT?! WHERE--

HEY, I DON'T KNOW, BUT TURN ON THE LIGHTS!

[NICKELODEON PLAYS]

OH, WHAT'S THAT?

GET OUT!

COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

UH-OH!

OH! HA HA HA! IT'S MR. DARRELL!

OH, GOSH, ARE WE GLAD TO SEE YOU!

YEAH!

PHEW, DID YOU SCARE ME.

DID YOU KNOW WE SOLVED THE MURDER?

WHAT'S THAT?

YEAH, SURE! WE'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

THE MURDERER'S UPSTAIRS.

YEAH, LOOK. WE FIXED IT SO HE CAN'T GET HIS GUN BACK.

HA HA HA! ARE WE GOOD OR NOT, HUH?

GREAT WORK, BOYS. YEAH.

LET'S GO UPSTAIRS AND GET HIM.

DON'T YOU THINK WE BETTER CALL THE COPS?

WHY GIVE THEM THE REWARD?

YOU'RE RIGHT, MR. DARRELL. YOU'RE RIGHT.

WE'LL TAKE THE CREDIT...

AND WE'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU, TOO, MR. DARRELL.

YEAH, BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU'RE GONNA TAKE CARE OF US.

I INTEND TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, BOYS... BOTH OF YOU.

I CHECKED WITH THE NOVELTY COMPANY,

AND HERE'S THE NUMBER OF THE GUN ON THE PUNCHBOARD.

OH, YES.

65427, EH?

THIS IS 618--NAH. JUST AS I THOUGHT.

THIS IS NOT THE GUN ON THE PUNCHBOARD.

MISS ROBERTS, I HAVE DISCOVERED SOME NEW EVIDENCE THAT REQUIRED YOUR PRESENCE HERE.

I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO, CAPTAIN JENNINGS.

THAT'S THE GIRL. YOU BOYS STAY HERE AND WATCH THE DOOR.

WE'RE GOING UP TO LAKE'S OFFICE.

WAIT A MINUTE, BOYS.

BETTER LET ME GO IN FIRST TO MAKE SURE THAT EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

AFTER ALL, YOU'RE VOLUNTEERS.

GEE, HE'S A REGULAR GUY.

WELL, THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES:

THE REGULARS FIRST, THEN THE VOLUNTEERS.

[MALLET SCRAPES]

ALL RIGHT, BOYS. WAIT.

A SOUND HEAD SHOULD LEAD.

[BOP]

[BOP]

[FAINT VOICES]

5! OOH, BOY!

Man: $2.00 A HIT.

YOU TAKE A SHOT AT THAT.

DON'T DO NO SMALL FAVORS FOR ME

BUYING ME NO CHITLINS.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GETTIN' IT,

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE REAL MONEY.

Second man: AND AGAIN.

IN THE POT.

MISS ROBERTS, YOU SAID THAT YOU SAW LURCH

TRYING TO FORCE OPEN A DRAWER OF LAKE'S DESK

AFTER HE WAS SHOT?

YES.

WILL YOU SHOW ME EXACTLY HOW YOU HAPPENED

TO DISCOVER THAT MR. LAKE WAS DEAD?

WELL, I CAME BACK INTO THIS OFFICE WITH MY HAT AND COAT.

I WAS GOING TO TELL HIM THAT I WAS THROUGH

WHEN I HEARD THE BUZZER.

[BUZZER RINGS]

[BUZZER RINGS REPEATEDLY]

AAH!

WHY, IT'S LURCH!

HE'S DEAD!

AND HE'S BEEN SHOT

IN THE SAME MANNER THAT LAKE WAS!

WELL.

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

MY NAME'S CLARK.

CLARK, EH? I GOT A WARRANT OUT FOR YOU!

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ALL THIS?

NOTHING. I FOUND OUT THAT

I WASN'T GETTING A SQUARE DEAL ON MY SONG,

SO I CAME UP HERE TO CHECK THE BOOKS MYSELF.

SOMETHING HIT ME ON THE HEAD, AND THAT'S ALL I REMEMBER.

THAT'S ALL YOU REMEMBER, HUH?

LAKE AND THIS MAN WERE BOTH KILLED BY SOMEBODY ON THE INSIDE.

RILEY, GET HIM OUT OF THERE AND YOU SIT DOWN IN THAT CHAIR.

ME?

YES. I'M GONNA GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED?

I'VE BEEN UNCONSCIOUS.

I'VE KNOWN THAT FOR YEARS.

POOR MR. DARRELL.

UGH!

THE BLACK WIDOW GOT HIM!

NOW WHAT?

LET'S CALL THE COPS.

HELLO? HELLO?

HELLO? HELLO?

HELLO? HELLO?

HELLO? HELLO?

HELLO?

HELLO? HELLO? POLICE DEPARTMENT.

GOOD. COMING RIGHT UP.

BOY, I FIXED THAT, ALL RIGHT.

SAY, THESE PHONES DON'T WORK.

WELL, PHONE THE TELEPHONE COMPANY AND REPORT IT. GIVE ME THIS.

HELLO?

HELLO, TROUBLE?

STOP IT. STOP. NO, THAT'S MINE--

[SHRIEKING]

[SHRIEKING]

AAH! AAH! AAH!

[SHRIEKING]

FEE-FI-FO-FUM! FEE-FI!

WHO DID YOU SAY TO CALL?

CALL AN AMBULANCE; I THINK I'M CRAZY.

I'LL CALL TWO OF 'EM; I THINK WE'RE BOTH CRAZY.

WHOA-OH!

LOOK. MR. LAKE IS BACK.

HE CERTAINLY LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT.

SAY, DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?

SURE: IT'S DEATH TAKING A HOLIDAY.

NO, IT'S THE BLACK WIDOW, AND THIS IS THE PAYOFF MONEY.

IF WE CAN GET THE REST OF IT, WE CAN CLEAR MARY.

YEAH, WELL, YOU GO AND GET IT. SHE'S YOUR GIRL.

UH-OH! HE'S IN AGAIN! WHOA!

[BANGING ON GLASS]

SAY, WHY NOT LET THAT GUY IN AND HAMMER A CONFESSION OUT OF HIM?

THAT OUGHT TO BE EASY. IT'S TWO AGAINST ONE...

BUT, OH, THAT ONE!

[CLANG]

OOH!

NO!

OOH!

WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!

THOSE MONKEY'S HAVE THE MONEY.

NOW, DON'T LET ANYBODY OUT OF HERE 'TIL WE GET IT.

OK, BOSS.

OH! WHOA-OH!

UH-OH!

WAIT A MINUTE, BOYS! THIS IS THE BOSS!

NO!

NO!

NO!

OH!

[SMASH]

UGH!

[SHOUTING]

BAD MAN! BAD MAN!

AAH!

HERE! HERE!

OHH!

OH! OH! MY NECK!

AAH! AAH!

AND THEY COULD'VE GOT HIM FROM HERE, COULDN'T THEY?

YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S-- WELL, TO SAY IT'S POSSIBLE.

Jennings: NOW, LET'S SEE. I WONDER IF--

[BOP]

WHAT-- HERE.

"654."

WHY, THIS IS THE GUN FROM THE PUNCHBOARD.

THERE'S ONLY ONE MAN WHO COULD'VE SWITCHED THEM.

COME ON.

WAIT HERE.

[LOUD SMASH]

WHO THREW THAT?! THREW THIS THING AT--

OH, WHO THREW THIS THING?!

CAPTAIN! WE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU!

WAIT 'TIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!

LOOK!

GET HIM!

WELL.

MR. WILLIAM DARRELL, ALIAS THE BLACK WIDOW, EH?

YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE.

OH, NO, BUT YOU MADE THE MISTAKE

WHEN YOU TOOK THAT GUN FROM THE GIRL AND SUBSTITUTED YOUR OWN OUT ON THE BALCONY.

VERY CLEVER, CAPTAIN JENNINGS. GREAT POLICE WORK.

BUT IT TOOK THOSE TWO NITWITS TO CATCH ME.

YEAH, WELL, WE HAD THE FINGER ON YOU RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING.

HERE YOU ARE, CHIEF. TAKE HIM AWAY, MEN.

YEAH.

LET'S YOU AND I GO DOWNSTAIRS AND PUNCH FOR OUR WEDDING RING.

TOO LATE. I'VE ALREADY WON IT FOR YOU.

BUT HOW?

I PUNCHED OUT EVERY NUMBER ON THE BOARD.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

IT MEANS WE CAN HAVE OUR OWN LITTLE HOME

AND OUR OWN LITTLE CAR...

AND OUR OWN LITTLE CHILDREN.

HOW MANY OF THESE LITTLE BLESSED EVENTS DO YOU EXPECT TO HAVE?

OH, ONE OR TWO, BUT NO MORE THAN...

3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...

HEAR, HEAR! NOW, SHUT THAT THING OFF!