Original subtitles

[music playing]

[gunshot]

[clattering]

[doorbell]

-You're late.

-I'm sorry.

The path out there was dark.

-Anybody see you?

-No.

And I parked where you told me.

-Good.

Take that.

[gasps]

-Get yourself together.

There's no reason to be frightened.

It's just my uncle.

I assure you he's far more amiable now than he ever was

when he was alive.

-I'll be all right.

-Of course you will, my love.

I couldn't possibly be any of help to your career from

inside a gas chamber.

-Don't say things like that.

Anyway, what difference does my career make.

Dale, look, they're all yours now!

-They will be.

But not unless you do you part.

-Don't worry, Dale.

I was just a little upset.

Now I'm fine.

-Good.

Now remember when you open the window, fire high.

-You better get started.

-Now the electric blanket goes back upstairs--

-Top drawer, left side.

How many times have you told me that?

Dale, hurry!

[laughter]

-All right, Melvin.

$5,000 and it's a steal.

Will you please move faster?

Uh, boys, keep those bottles popping.

Thank you.

Good evening.

-$1,000 and you're not even a Frenchman.

-Mingle, mingle!

-But, you see, the only thing I really need is something

pink for the guest bathroom.

-I just paint the pictures, ma'am.

I don't set prices.

-Uh, don't pick on my artist, darling After all, your

husband adores canvas.

He told me so.

-I know, but it's the wrong shade of

pink for the wallpaper.

-Well, how about $800.

I mean, that's if he takes the green Indian

to go in the office.

Mind you, I feel bad you--

oh, excuse me.

Dale!

Dale Kingston!

I don't believe it!

-Well, the invitation said, free champagne.

-Ah!

-Mitilda, my love.

-Oh, you're such a snob.

You never come to my showings.

Sam, quick!

-Well, I had nothing to do tonight, anyway.

I was half hoping that it would be over.

-Oh, it's just begun!

Please, Dale, excuse me.

Ahem, Sam, um, this is Sam Franklin, uh, it's his first

private showing, so would you please be nice?

Honey, this is Dale Kingston.

-Yes, yes.

How do you do, sir?

-Ah, you must be the artist of these, uh, arid little

landscapes, aren't you?

But they're not too bad.

Not too bad at all.

-Uh, Mr. Kingston?

-Yes.

-Mr. Dale Kingston?

-Yes.

Uh!

And you're the famous art critic?

-Well, as of the moment, yes.

Whenever the moment passes--

-Of course he is darling!

And you're already raving about Sam's work.

I'm sorry, dear.

But you couldn't possibly have this canvas for a penny less

than $1200.

-Well, I, I have five minutes to 11:00, sir.

-Five to 11:00?

-Yes.

-So it is.

Thank you very much, Mr. uh, uh, Franklin.

-Oh, of course, you'd love champagne!

-Oh, you bet.

-Sam, the painting!

You're right.

-And so that the meaning of a mobile stems not only from its

form, but the relationship between the pieces, which

gives it its meaning.

And I, I suppose the relationship between the

pieces is really where its at, isn't it?

[laughter]

-Oh, yes.

[gunshot]

-It's not so much a question of his masculinity, I think

the artist just saw him that way.

I'll drink to that.

[laughter]

-And you'll notice, no matter how abstract the painting, he

always signs his name realistically, doesn't he?

-Of course.

[laughter]

CAPTAIN (OFSCREEN): Were you home tonight?

MR. EVANS (OFFSCREEN): Oh, no sir.

My wife and I left the house at 8 o'clock.

It's our regular night off.

-There's just you and your wife?

No other servants in a place this size?

-Well, Mr. Matthews seldom entertained.

He was divorced many years ago and has very few friends.

Tonight, I believe he planned to spend in his room, reading.

-Just a minute.

You got all this, Columbo?

You want anything more from Mr. Evans?

-No.

-Please, sir!

Mr. Matthews was very fussy about smoking.

-Oh, sorry.

-Uh, Doctor, call it from downtown, will you?

-Oh, I don't think the autopsy will change my opinion.

It was a single bullet, must've died almost instantly.

-And the time of death?

-Oh, I'd say around 11.

Give or take a few minutes.

Wasn't it?

-Yeah.

The body was still warm.

-Mm.

-Talk to you later, Captain.

-Oh!

Mr. Kingston, I've been trying to reach you.

I'm so terribly sorry.

-Somebody broke in, I assume?

-Yes, your uncle probably came downstairs--

-I told him about it and he just got back to his apartment

at 2 o'clock.

After some party at a gallery, he says.

-There were two paintings missing, I think.

I told them to hold everything for you.

-Mr. Kingston, we've been waiting to dust some of these

canvases for fingerprints.

Evans wouldn't let us touch anything, but the frames.

-Well, that's perfectly all right.

No problem.

As long as you're careful.

Now which ones did you want?

-These.

Right here.

-I suppose he's going to be your new boss, hm?

-Well, I would hope he keeps on and keeps the house.

After all, he's Mr. Matthew's only living relative.

But, really sir, at a time of like this--

-Oh, listen, I'm sorry.

Of course, you're absolutely right.

Would you like to spend some time with your wife?

I'm sure she's very upset.

-Thank you.

-Uh, Mr. Kingston, before you get too involved there.

Excuse me a minute, Captain.

I wondered if maybe first, you'd try to help me out with

a problem that I have.

-Yes.

-Um.

It's this.

This painting.

-Well, what's the problem?

Haven't you ever seen people without faces before?

They've loanded them out.

You've heard of two-faced people, I suppose.

-Oh, yes.

But, uh, you see, it's this crazy signature that bothers

me.

-De Groat.

George De Groat.

Quite famous.

-I thought so.

Isn't that funny?

Because I noticed the signatures

on this other painting.

Um.

Does that say, Birnbaum?

-Yes, it does.

-That's what I thought.

Birnbaum.

You'd think that these artists would be able

to write more clearly.

-Really, do you think all this is quite

appropriate at this time?

Mr. uh--

-Oh, I guess not.

Uh.

I realize that this may be a terrible shock for you, and I

want to express my deepest sympathy.

-Thank you, Mr.?

-Lieutenant Columbo.

-Ah yes, thank you.

-Uh, tell me Mr. Kingston, uh, has anybody tried to rob this

place before?

-Certainly.

This place is a magnet for art thieves.

One of the finest collections in the world.

-Is that so?

-Yes.

-Really?

Very impressive.

-You seem inordinately fascinated by these paintings.

-Well, I'll tell you what bothers me,

you see, it's this.

If you came in here to grab some paintings, wouldn't you

grab a De Groat first instead of a Birnbaum?

-Perhaps.

But then I'm an art critic.

You're the detective.

-You're the art critic, that's right.

And I'm gonna need a lot of your help, I suppose you

noticed that already.

Uh, like in there, uh there's two little

frames and they're empty.

And there doesn't seem to be anything

around that fits inside.

-Oh, no!

-Now, Mr. Evans wasn't quite sure either.

He thought that one of 'em had some dancing girls, but I

don't think he knows much about art either.

Uh, he also said, that a lot of these things

have just been re-hung.

That they had just come back from some kind of a traveling

exhibit.

-Yes, that's what those crates are.

Out in the hall there.

I unpacked most of them myself.

-Yeah, you know, I noticed that a piece of that wrapping

paper had been torn loose.

-These two are listed in the exhibit catalogue.

I've got that in here somewhere.

Here, look.

-Those were the two that were taken?

-Yes.

-Hey, they're beautiful.

DALE (OFFSCREEN): They're two of my favorites.

Degas pastels.

-Pastels?

You mean like the kids use in school?

-Nobody ever used pastels like Degas, Lieutenant.

These two alone together happen to be worth over a half

million dollars.

-[whistles]

You know, that's funny, too.

DALE (OFFSCREEN): Not at all.

There wasn't a painting in this entire exhibit that's

worth under $50,000.

-No, I mean that out there, somebody picked

the Birnbaum first.

Then when you're uncle interfered, then when he went

to his desk and took out a gun, then when he was killed,

in the middle of all that, then, the thief suddenly got

smart and he took two of the most valuable paintings in

house and he ran.

-I guess that does seem a bit inconsistent, doesn't it?

Then life has its own inconsistencies.

-Uh, Lieutenant Columbo?

-Oh, Sally, nice of you to come.

Let's go back.

I want to try something.

Uh, Mr. Kingston, you might be interested in this.

Uh, you were here?

-Yeah, that's right.

-Wait, there.

I'll holler.

-All right.

-Hi.

-Hi.

Hi, Josh.

-What's all this?

-Well, you see, they have private patrolmen here to make

checks at every hour at 11 o'clock--

-No, no, no.

I mean this.

This, this, this.

-Oh, the lock?

-Yes.

-Well, you see, he found that open.

And the lock was scarred, like it's been

forced from the outside.

Of course, what I don't understand is, why the burglar

alarm didn't go off.

-Well, a professional thief could manage that pretty well,

couldn't he?

-No no, no.

You see, professionals, they always pick windows.

They're just easier to crack.

Sally, are you ready?

-Whenever you are.

-OK, when I holler inside, you run just the way

I told you to run.

(SHOUTING) OK, here she goes!

Well?

GUARD (OFFSCREEN): That's it!

That's what I heard.

I couldn't be sure before.

I was running myself.

-Now you heard high heels on those stone steps?

-Yes, sir.

-Thank you very much.

-You bet.

-Charlie?

Would you get Sally?

-Wait a minute.

You mean, you think the thief was a woman?

-One of them.

-One of them?

-Well, there were too many pictures there for one person

to carry, don't you think?

And besides, the burglar alarm thing, you know there's only

one way to really beat that.

Is if you have somebody else from the inside open the door.

-I don't think I understand.

-You know what?

That's the trouble.

Either do I.

-Well, if you ever want to know anymore about art,

Lieutenant.

-Oh, thank you very much.

Listen, now that you mention it, tell me this.

How does a thief get rid of a painting like that?

I mean, if they're that famous, how can

anybody sell it.

-Well, they, someone in a foreign country, maybe.

A lot of thieves, use usually try to make a deal of some

kind with the owner, the gallery, the insurance

company.

-You see, that's what I thought.

It's just like a kidnapping.

-Hm.

-In other words, what they want, really, is the ransom.

-Exactly.

-Right.

So, you know, in this case, somebody must be pretty scared

right now, don't you think?

I'd be anxious to settle quick.

-Possibly.

-Sure, you know, and since you're the first person they

might try to contact, tell you what, you give me your

telephone number and I'll put a tap on your phone and we'll

monitor all your calls.

You wouldn't mind that, would you?

-Of course not, why should I?

-Gee, thank you very much.

-Good night.

-Night.

[phone ringing]

[doorbell]

-Ugh.

Look out!

-Gee, I'm sorry.

-Oh, that's all right, I've been bumping into things

myself today.

A little bit too much of the grape last night.

I didn't clear out of here til 3:00 AM.

-Mr. Kingston went home a little earlier than that, I

guess.

-Well, he stayed long enough to make every other gallery

owner on the street green with envy.

Of course, you know Dale, he's usually in London or Paris.

He doesn't fool around with us peasants.

-I'll tell you what I really wanna know--

what time he got here.

-Yes, I know, I know.

Uh, Sam is right through there.

Uh, I called the parking boy, he'll be over in a minute.

Uh, Sam?

This is the policeman who phoned.

Is it all right?

-Uh, bring him in.

They interrupted Rembrandt, why shouldn't

they interrupt me?

Yeah, what is it?

-Uh, if I'm interrupting something--

-No, you're not interrupting anything.

Uh, forgive the mood, but, uh, you caught me in a bad day.

This here is Chris.

-Oh, hi.

-Hello.

Are you an artist?

-No.

I can come back another time.

I can--

-No, go ahead and interrupt.

I'm here under duress.

-(SARCASTICALLY) Thanks a lot.

-Stop moving!

I'm trying to paint you.

-Well, paint!

-Well, actually, it's very routine.

It's not that important--

-Well, me and champagne are not routine.

And if you're interested in finding out about Mr.

Kingston, what time he got here, I don't know.

Uhh, there was something about his watch, but I'm not sure.

-Might help if you try to remember.

-Oh, yeah, well.

Uh.

There was something wrong with his watch.

Yeah, that's it.

And uh, and he asked me what time it was.

That's it.

-That's it.

I see.

Well, thanks.

Sorry to bother you.

-No bother.

I'm in my commercial phase right now.

-Yeah, Sam's just mad at the whole world, that's all.

That's because I made him put her in his pretty pink cactus.

Can you imagine he thinks the artist

should decide what they--

JOE (OFFSCREEN): Mitilda, are you looking for me?

-Oh, one minute.

-Well, listen, I'll let you finish your work.

Excuse me.

-Do come back soon.

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Stop moving!

-All right.

-Hey, Joe, didn't the other boys tell me you parked

Kingston's car last night?

-Sure, I remember.

The guy who gave me two bucks.

-Two bucks?

Just for parking a car?

-No, he lost a cufflink.

Uh, I helped him search the whole car for it.

Trunk and everything.

-Did you find it?

JOE (OFFSCREEN): No, why?

-Well, you know most people's trunks they're kinda

messy to look into?

-His wasn't.

Nothing but a spare tire and a topcoat.

Nothing else in the whole car.

-What time was that?

Would you know?

-Oh, sure, 'cause he asked me.

Uh, something was wrong with his watch, I guess.

It was five minutes to 11, sir.

-Mm.

Thanks.

All right, that's it.

-Now, uh, what is this all about?

Because, like, uh, Dale's uncle was murdered sometime

last night, right?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

When I think, what this is going to do to the art world.

Can you imagine an art critic inheriting that gorgeous

collection?

-Hey, hey, would you look at that?

A blue horse.

-Painting the ladies and gentlemen of the Spanish court

with a savage brush.

Relentlessly, unremittingly showing them in every detail,

down to the tiniest wart.

But when you take the W off of wart, you are

still left with art.

And Goya was the penultimate artist.

We will continue our discussion of this fascinating

artist tomorrow.

Copies of today's lecture may be obtained for a nominal fee

by writing to this station.

This is Dale Kingston.

Good afternoon.

ANNOUNCER: Be with us again tomorrow when Channel 16

brings you "Dale Kingston's World of Art."

brings you "Dale Kingston's World of Art."

[phone ringing]

-Studio 2.

Yeah, we just broke, I'll call him.

Telephone call, Mr. Kingston.

-Thank you, Phil.

Phil?

Listen, while I've got you, can we manage to get--

is that on?

Phil, can't you cut that camera off me the minute I

finish talking?

Please?

I'm always left with egg on my face.

Thank you.

Yes?

-Dale, I finally got you!

I remembered you'd be doing your show.

-What are you doing calling?

I told you not to call for a whole week

-I know, but I was worried.

-That's just free floating anxiety, dear.

Now relax.

Everything's going just--

I'm terribly sorry.

No, I, I, simply don't have time.

Well, Lieutenant.

-Gee, I wish you wouldn't hang up like that, Mr. Kingston.

I mean somebody you don't know tries to call you.

-Lieutenant, I get a dozen calls a day just like that.

From would-be artists, from ladies who want to evaluate

some stupid little print their maiden aunts left them in

their attic.

If I paid attention to every one of them--

-You mean that was a woman?

-Yes.

And it wasn't any ransom call, if

that's what you're thinking.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have a museum to go to, then a

dinner, then a lecture.

-Well, I was hoping that we could have a

little time to talk.

We can get together later, if you like.

-[sighs]

No, I've gotta take my makeup off anyway.

May as well do it now.

Follow me.

-Fine, thank you very much.

Uh.

So this is a television studio, huh?

-Yes.

-It's quite a place.

-Well, it's a barn, really.

I'm sure it's not as glamorous as you thought it'd be.

-That's right, it isn't.

Uh, but things aren't really what they

seem to be, are they?

-My, how observant you are.

Hildy, my beauty, how fast do you think we can get this

paint off me?

-I'll use high-speed turpentine.

-Well, anyway.

I'm sorry to bother you here, but you

haven't been home much.

That's too bad, in a way.

That tap on your phone, it's not helping us any.

-I'm not your only possibility, Lieutenant.

I don't know whether you know this, but my

uncle was married once.

In fact, his ex-wife still lists herself in the telephone

book under her married name.

So you see, whoever took those paintings could very well be

trying to contact her.

-You know, somebody mentioned that, so I saw Mrs. Matthews

this morning.

We're watching her phone, too.

-Oh, that must have been some interview.

Aunt Edna can be a bit trying.

-I thought she was kind of nice.

-Oh, she's very nice, but, uh, trying.

Well, you said you had some questions you

wanted to ask me?

-Yeah, nothing important.

Just a few details.

Like that back door thing.

That really bothers me.

-Why?

What about it?

-Umm.

Does that coffee machine work?

-Yes, of course it does.

What about it?

-Well, you know the lab says that there was just no way for

that lock to be forced from the outside.

-Thank you.

So?

-Would you like a coffee?

-No thanks.

-Well, how did anyone get in?

You see, Evans is positive that all the doors were locked

when he left the house earlier.

And I don't see your uncle letting anyone in,

unless he knew 'em.

-Did you come all this way just to tell me that?

-Well, I thought you'd be interested.

Like I did clear up one routine thing.

You know that gallery you went to?

Checked out.

Hope you don't mind.

-Well, that's your job.

And?

-The parking lot boy, he remembered when you

got there, all right.

So that if Mr. Matthews was killed at 11 o'clock, then you

sure didn't do it.

-Well, now isn't that a shame, Lieutenant?

And here I am, your best and most obvious suspect too.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

-Aw, don't say things like that.

Really.

You've got me you all wrong.

It's just that, I get bugged by those little things.

Like no connection, but why would a person look in the

trunk of a car for a missing cufflink?

-Because I happened to toss my topcoat in there in order to

keep it from getting stolen.

Then I noticed that the link was missing.

-Of course.

See, I could've guessed that.

-A little while later I found the link caught in

the lining my sleeve.

-I'm gonna tell you something.

Do you know that there is a reasonable explanation for

everything?

If you just put your mind to it.

Of course, sometimes these things, they, uh, pop-up.

Like with alibis.

Do you know, in most cases, people, they don't remember

what time it is?

They forget all that.

Like the artist fella.

He's all mixed up about the time.

And Mrs. Matthews, she don't even remember what time she

went to bed last night.

-Well, being sober might help, I suppose.

-Now, with you, Mr. Kingston, it's just the opposite.

Very unusual.

With you, we know exactly where you were and when.

Not only that, we know your whole car was empty.

-Yes, isn't that nice?

Well, if you'll excuse me.

-Oh, listen, by the way, can I show you something?

-Yes, of course.

-It's only going to take a second.

Uh.

You can rent paintings, did you know that?

-Yes, I know.

-And my father-in-law, he loves Western movies, so I

figured, a few bucks, you can't get hurt.

Uh.

What do you think?

Any good?

-For a wallpaper in a child's room?

Absolutely perfect.

In fact, it looks like it might have been done by an

untalented 12 year old.

-You know, I was kind of afraid you were going to say

something like that.

But, you know, then I say, why would you bother to go there

last night if this guy's stuff is so bad?

I mean this was painted by the artist whose exhibit you were

covering.

-Lieutenant Columbo, unlike my uncle, I am not

independently wealthy.

I have to work for a living.

Magazines pay me to review art.

Unfortunately, they pay me best when I write hostile

reviews about hacks likes Sam Franklin.

-Oh.

Well, I tell you, I sure hate to see his review

when you write it.

Oh, listen, one more thing.

And, it just, it'll just take a second.

I stopped by your apartment a few times.

-Why?

Do you want to search my place?

-No.

Just to ask you something about art.

You said you had some books and things there

that I could see.

-You may look at anything you wish.

You can snoop in all of my closets.

You could peek under the beds.

You won't find any stolen paintings.

-Oh, really I've never said anything like that.

-Here.

Would you like the key to my apartment?

You may simply leave it on the mat when you leave.

-No, really.

-No, no, no.

Go ahead.

I insist.

See what I live like.

Find out what kind of human being I am.

Learn everything you can about me.

-Well, I, I mean, I admit it would be more convenient, but,

uh, thank you very much, Mr. Kingston.

Uh, I'm sorry I took up so much your time.

I might drop by and borrow a few books or

something like that.

See ya.

-Dale!

-You all right?

-Aw, yeah.

I'm sorry I called you.

Well, I just couldn't wait.

I had to know what was happening.

-Nothing's happening.

No problems at all.

Everything's just perfect.

Uh.

The gun and the paintings?

Still in your car, right?

-Oh, yeah.

I did exactly what you told me.

I haven't touched a thing.

-Good.

You'll feel a lot better once you get those off your hands.

Hold that open for me.

-Dale!

-What's the matter?

-Well, well, I never saw them before.

They're beautiful.

And why can't I paint like that?

-Patience, my dear, patience.

I told you you had talent when you first

came to see me, remember?

It takes time to get what you really want.

-Sometimes I think my talent isn't what you like best about

me.

-Well, it's a combination of things, my love.

-Dale?

You do care for me, don't you?

-After the risks you've taken for me?

Of course, I do.

OK, let's get out of here.

-Is there anything else you want me to do?

-Not a thing.

I'll be in touch with you by phone.

-When will I see you again?

-Very shortly, my love.

-When will I--

[tires squeeling]

-Columbo!

-Mr. Kingston?

-What are you doing here at this hour of the night?

-Is it night?

-Yes, it is.

-Gee, I, uh.

I must've fallen asleep here.

I came in to read these books.

Did you get your key?

I left your key under mat.

Oh, good.

You got it.

Yes, I, I was reading these articles.

I must've--

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm terribly sorry.

I just fell asleep here.

-Look, it's quite late, Lieutenant.

If you don't mind.

I just had a tiresome evening at a lecture, after which I

spent some time with some even more tiresome

people from the museum.

So, if you'll excuse me.

-Oh, of course, I'll get out of your hair.

I'm, I'm awfully sorry about this.

Did you pick up something interesting?

-Uh, no.

Just some, uh, um, insipid watercolors that these people

want me to evaluate.

-Watercolors?

-Yes.

-I was just looking at watercolors.

Matisse.

Wonderful.

I'd love to hear what you had to say about 'em.

Could we take just a moment?

-No, Lieutenant.

Lieutenant, please!

If you don't mind, I, It's quite late.

I'm, I'm quite exhausted.

Some other time, please.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

Of course.

I should have realized.

[phone ringing]

-You know, I just got so caught up in this art thing

that I--

-My phone, my phone, Lieutenant.

-Your phone?

-My phone.

It, uh, just might be the, uh, people about the ransom.

-Oh, by all means.

-Hello?

Yes.

Yes, he is.

Just a moment.

It's for you.

-I told them at the office that I might stop by.

Thank you.

-That's all right.

-Yeah.

What?

Well, where was it?

Yes, I understand, but why you calling me for?

Oh.

OK, I'll be right down.

Mm.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I gotta run.

Uh, gee.

It's always something.

You know this highway patrolman, he

found a girl in a car.

Ran over a cliff to Malibu Canyon.

Dead.

-You get all sorts of cases, don't you?

-Yeah, listen, They won't let me live, what are

you gonna to do?

I'm sorry, I, I didn't mean to fall asleep here.

I hope I didn't trouble you too much.

-It's all right.

-Get some rest.

COLUMBO (OFSCREEN): Mrs. Matthews?

-Oh!

Lieutenant Columbo!

-How are you?

-I'm fine.

-Listen, Mr. Kingston and the attorney said it was all right

if I drop by.

I hope you don't mind.

-Oh, no, of course not.

The more the merrier.

But it does seem such a shame to hear poor Rudy this way.

All those whereases.

It won't sound like him at all.

-Hmm, you know, lawyers always have a way of making--

-It's like an old movie.

With all the barristers, and the butlers, and the discarded

wives all gathering together in the library to

hear the will read.

Oh, there, we better go!

Elevators never bothered me until just

about two months ago.

-Really?

You know, I have a friend who used to be afraid of flying--

-He wasn't always a very nice man.

You know?

Just, business, business, business.

And, and then collecting.

Oh, collecting like some old packrat.

But how anyone could want to kill Rudy, I--

oh, hello, Dale.

-Edna, darling.

Hello, Lieutenant.

Well, what have you got there this time?

Uh, a pink rabbit?

-Oh this?

No, no.

Not really.

But it is something that I wanted to show you.

-Oh, show me too!

-Edna, my dear.

-Frank.

-Dale.

And Lieutenant Columbo.

We can begin now.

Mr. Evans and his wife are here already.

Oh, but the Lieutenant was just going to show us--

-Nevermind.

He'll show me.

We'll join you in a little while.

Thank you, Frank.

-I, uh, I hope you're feeling better Edna.

-What do you think?

-It's frightful.

-That's what I figured.

But you know what?

I thought maybe you just might recognize the

style or the signature.

-No.

Who on earth is Tracy?

-Well, do you remember the other night when I had to

leave your place in a hurry?

-Oh, yes.

That highway patrol thing.

Some kind of an accident, wasn't it?

-That's what it looked like, but you see, I told them.

I said, whenever a case comes up that has anything to do

with art or painting, you call me.

-Now wait a minute.

You mean, it wasn't an accident?

-Oh, yeah.

It's an accident.

I mean, that's what it's listed as.

But anyway, you see, the dead girl, she was some kind of an

art student.

And I thought, well, who knows.

Maybe you knew something about her.

Tracy O'Connor?

-[laughs]

Lieutenant, there must be over 100,000 art students in

southern California.

-Well, you see.

I remember seeing one of those lecture schedules in your

apartment and a couple of months ago, you gave several

lectures in the school where this girl was enrolled.

This is what she looks like.

-Be realistic, Lieutenant.

You think I can remember everyone who ever sat in on

one of my lectures?

I've never seen that girl before in my life.

Why don't you stop wasting everybody's time?

-These are all minor details.

Uh, sit down, Dale.

-Thank you, Frank.

-For their devoted service to me for the past 10 years--

uh, why don't you make yourself comfortable.

We've, uh, skimmed over the preliminaries.

We're now down to the salient points.

-Proceed as you wish, counsellor.

-Mm.

For their devoted service to me for the past 10 years, I

bequeath to Mr. And Mrs. Evans, jointly, an annual

payment of $2,000.

To be paid on the first day of each and every year in which

either one of them is still surviving.

-Such a kind of man.

-Finally, to, uh, to my primary heir of all previous

wills, to my nephew, Dale Kingston.

Whom I once supported through college and who has had the

full freedom of my home and possessions ever since,

without thought of recompense.

I bequeath the full bulk and remainder of my estate with

this one single exception--

to Edna Matthews, the wife whom I mistakenly divorced 15

years ago, I bequeath my entire art collection.

-Oh!

FRANK (OFFSCREEN): Including all of those paintings listed

in the so-called Matthews collection.

-Mr. Kingston.

Oh no!

FRANK (OFFSCREEN): If you please, this will is properly

signed and witnessed as of the 10th of last month.

Here, I, I, uh, think you should all

take a look at these.

-Dale.

I'm sorry.

I, I, I'm really sorry.

-Aww, no.

Don't be silly, Aunt Edna.

All it means is that I'll now be able to criticize your

collection like I used to criticize his.

Thank you, Frank.

-Lieutenant?

-Mrs. Matthews, I hope you don't--

this is just such a suprise.

MRS. EVANS (OFFSCREEN): I happy for you.

I know you'll be pleased with it.

-Well, really is a shock.

File those, would you, please?

I tried to talk Rudy out of it, naturally.

He always intended to leave that collection to Dale and

gave it to her.

That's why I thought you'd like to be here.

Legally, I couldn't say anything until--

-Oh, sure, I understand that.

It's, it's just that that was a new will only last month?

-That's correct.

He wrote most of it himself.

Oh, he promised to let me draw up something more detailed and

complete later on, but--

-Boy, I can't figure it, I--

you'd think the nephew would get the paintings.

-I agree, I agree.

Mr. Matthews had disagreements with Dale, but an art

collection like that is big business.

To manage that requires specialized skill, taste.

Why simply leave the whole thing to a poor unstable

creature like Edna.

Those comments are hardly professional of me, are they?

-One thing though, if Mr. Kingston doesn't get the

collection, he at least gets the rest of the estate.

FRANK (OFFSCREEN): It's meaningless.

He rented that big house.

Rudy disposed of all his business interests.

There really isn't any remaining estate to speak of.

-Well, listen.

Thanks for letting me come down.

I gotta get back to work.

-Uh, Lieutenant, uh, your painting.

-Oh, thank you very much.

-Uh, lieutenant?

My lighter.

-Oh.

Thank you.

-Mmhmm.

-Ms. Henderson, I'll make my calls now, please.

DALE (OFFSCREEN): Looking for me, Lieutenant?

-Oh.

Yeah, I thought I'd kind of catch you out

in the parking lot.

-Expected to find me there kicking my tires in

frustration, I suppose?

-Well, I thought there'd be the normal amount of

disappointment.

-Oh, you are so transparent, Columbo.

You had this thing all figured out right from the start,

haven't you?

Dale Kingston hired someone to fake the theft

and kill his uncle.

Maybe even some poor little art student, perhaps.

-Mr. Kingston, I never said that.

-And even though I had an airtight alibi by total

accident, at the time of my uncle's murder, that still

didn't stop you, did it?

-Mr. Kingston, really.

I had no idea.

-No, at this point, I'm sure that even a compulsively

suspicious bureaucrat like you, must have his doubts

about my guilt.

Because you heard it up there, Mr. Columbo, you heard it in

plain English.

I do not inherit.

Edna does.

-So, that's very true, Mr. Kingston, that's very true.

Except, um.

-Except what?

-Well, maybe you didn't know that your

uncle changed his will.

-Oh, I was hoping you'd say that.

Because, you see, I've known for more than 10 days that I

couldn't possibly inherit any part of that collection.

And since you won't believe me, maybe

you'll believe my uncle.

Go on!

I'm sure somebody in your department is capable of

verifying that signature.

C'mon, read it.

He sent me that letter 10 days ago telling me

about the new will.

Look at the postmark.

-So, you did know?

-Of course I knew.

Now will you please do me a favor and stop pestering me.

And go on out and do what you should have done in the first

place, huh?

Find the real killer.

LANDLADY (OFFSCREEN): You know,

Lieutenant, I'm not a busybody.

COLUMBO (OFSCREEN): I never said that.

-Yeah, well.

Some landlords like to pry into the

lives of their tenants.

But not me.

My policy is live and let live.

C'mon.

[kissing noise]

-What's bothering Walter?

He won't eat.

-Well, maybe he's not hungry.

Listen, it's not that you're a busybody, you live here.

And you see things.

I mean, how can you live here and not see things?

-Such as?

-Well, who goes out with who?

And who's doing what?

All those things.

This girl, Tracy O'Connor.

Who did she go out with?

Come on, tell me.

She dated, didn't she?

-Oh, of course she dated.

Oh you know, that was a terrible

shame about that accident.

That was a very talented girl.

-Very.

-Well, you oughta know, you took one of her paintings the

last time you were here.

-She was a very gifted girl.

-Darn right.

-Believe me.

And it was a shame about the accident.

-Oy.

-You know why I hated to give up the painting?

-Well, why did you give it up?

-I had to.

-What for?

-Well, that was evidence.

-Evidence for what?

-Listen, I don't want get into that.

That's too complicated.

Walter, come here.

Come here boy.

Hey, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't do that.

-Why not?

-Well, Walter doesn't like strangers.

He'll bite.

-Oh will he?

Oh.

-It was an accident wasn't it? it?

-Listen, are you going to tell me about the men in

her life, or not?

-All right.

The men.

Now, remember, I wasn't particularly trying to find

out about her, but I do remember one or two.

There was an actor fella.

There were a couple of those beach types.

-Mmhmm, mmhmm.

-And there's a kid that played--

-You want me to tell you the truth?

-Yeah.

-I'm interested in one guy in particular.

-Who?

-Forty years old, well-dressed, distinguished.

-Wait a minute.

Now, wait a minute.

Come to think of it, there was one older gentleman she was

seeing.

-Really, can you describe him?

-Would a picture help?

-A picture?

Are ya kidding?

-Hm-mm.

-You have a picture of this fella?

-Yeah, it's around here someplace if I

haven't thrown it away.

It's probably in my album.

-Where did you get a photograph of him?

-Well, I was taking some snapshots of my, um, nephew

out at the pool.

And Tracy and her friend were out there, so I took

one of them, too.

Now I'm sure it's in one of these.

-You're a lifesaver.

-Well.

Let's see.

Oh, here was one.

That's when my cousins were out here from Milwaukee.

We stocked up about those roadside stands, you know for

date malts.

Oh, I got so sick.

But they're awful good.

You ever had one?

I think you'd like them.

Oh, there's Cindy Lou.

That's my cousin's kid.

She's um, named for me.

Look at her.

That's at Grauman's Chinese.

She's trying to fit her feet into the, you know, the things

in the concrete.

That's awful cute, I made her that dress.

Doesn't it look nice?

It has smocking.

-Can you see--

-Well, let's see now.

Oh, here's a whole bunch of us that went out to the family

plot and had a picnic.

We did some weeding and planting and we

had the best time.

We had more laughs.

Look, isn't that cute?

That's my Uncle Henry there.

-Oh.

-Oh, no wait a minute.

We must--

-Do you have any idea--

-Oh, that's a nice one, too.

Look at that.

That was taken at the zoo.

Isn't that a good one of the lion?

-Wonderful.

Do you have any idea where the picture was?

-Well, now wait.

Uh oh, here it is.

Here you go.

There.

Well, there he is.

That's the one.

Any help?

No kidding?

-That's not him.

-Aw, I'm sorry.

GARDENER (OFFSCREEN): You guys still guarding this place?

-Just me.

I keep the tourists away.

Say, uh, do you know anything about aphids?

-Aphids?

-Yeah, they're destroying my roses.

My wife doesn't want me to use any pesticides.

-Hmm.

-Hard spray from your garden hose around 4:00 or 5:00 PM.

Uh, the sun's still hot enough to dry.

And, uh, it won't burn your flowers.

-Just water, huh?

Thanks, I'll try it.

-OK.

Hey!

Come here!

Look at this!

-Your ex-husband lived right up there, didn't he?

-Uh, he, yes.

Right up there on the hill.

Brooding down on me like Zeus.

When we were married, I always used to like this house.

Soon as we got divorced, I moved in.

Demo But for years, Rudy and I couldn't have been farther

away from each other, if, if I'd bought a

house on the moon.

Are you sure you wouldn't like a drink?

-Oh, no, thank you very much.

Are they real?

-Yes.

-May I?

-Oh, of course.

Help yourself.

-So, uh, what changed all that?

I mean, how did you and Rudy get to

seeing one another again?

-Well, we just bumped into each other a

couple of months ago.

And, well, we were older.

And he wasn't quite so stuffy anymore.

And maybe I don't throw things, oh like parties and

handsome Italians quite so much.

-Uh, ma'am, I know you're in a hurry,

you want to go shopping.

But I wondered first, if we could talk about--

-But, you want to know about that will thing, of course.

I don't blame you.

Uh, uh, but, but it, don't misunderstand.

Rudy and I weren't, uh, starting to sing September

songs or anything like that.

But--

well, you see, years ago, I used to think I was artistic.

And I literally dragged him into his first museum.

And that's how his whole collection all began.

Because naturally, Rudy started sensing a, a good

investment area.

And, mm, some of the paintings I liked weren't too bad.

-But it was my understanding that, uh, it was his nephew

who picked out all of his paintings.

-Oh, yes, later on.

But Dale was just in college then.

Uh, that was just about the time when, mm, when I started

misbehaving.

And then, of course, after our divorce, the collection became

an obsession with Rudy.

And a whole career for Dale

-So since you were in at the beginning, Mr. Matthews last

month decided to leave the whole collection to you.

But he didn't want me to keep them.

You don't think that, do you?

-Well.

-Oh, dear.

I guess nobody's going to understand.

Eh, eh, eh.

No, you, you see, poor Rudy was finally tired of it,

that's all.

All the greedy buying, and bidding, and hoarding.

He finally, he finally agreed with me, that the people

should own those lovely things instead of just collectors.

He decided to give them all away.

To schools, museums.

Oh.

But oh dear it takes so much time to work that out.

To decide which places get which--

-And in the meantime, he didn't want Dale Kingston to

get his hands on it, is that it?

-I don't like to say that.

I was just so happy that Rudy was finally tuning human.

[doorbell]

-Who on earth?

-Hello, Aunt Edna.

May I come in?

How are you dear?

-Oh, I didn't think you would have even

remembered where I lived.

-Oh, of course I do.

Had a message from a Lieutenant Columb--

oh, there you are.

What's this all about?

-Is it about the gun?

-What?

What gun?

What is all this?

-Well, I thought you'd be interested.

About a half hour ago, a gardener up on that hill

there, he found a .38 revolver.

And it's the same kind as the one that was missing from your

uncle's desk.

Uh, may I use your phone?

-Oh, yes, of course.

Isn't that silly?

Right up above my house.

Well, I've walked on that hill myself.

-Ballistics?

Is this Charlie?

Lieutenant Columbo.

Charlie, I sent that stuff over there

over a half hour ago.

Oh.

Thank you.

It's the murder gun all right.

Oh, there's nothing to be upset about.

-But I was just telling Dale, I, I, I go up there myself

when I want a breath of air.

Well, I even walked over to see Rudy just the night before

he was killed.

-Aunt Edna, I don't think you ought to say another word.

The Lieutenant may get the wrong idea.

EDNA (OFFSCREEN): What?

Oh, but, but, surely no one could think that I--

-Threw that gun there?

Oh no, Mrs. Matthews.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, you see, I finally figured out what happened.

Whoever was in that house that night, they ran out the back,

they just kept on going.

Well, naturally, they were anxious to get rid of your

ex-husband's gun.

It could've been anybody.

-It could?

-Yes.

Absolutely, it could.

You have nothing to worry about.

Now did you want to go shopping?

-Well, I was planning to meet some friends at the fashion

center, but I can do that some other time.

-No, I want you to go right ahead.

And I want you to forget about all this.

Just do what my wife does.

Because when she hits a department store she can

forget anything.

Even the fact that I'm sitting outside waiting.

-Have a good time, Edna.

Bye!

-What are you trying to do her?

-I'm sorry, I don't follow.

-Well, you know perfectly well that it was a woman that ran

out of that place that night.

You said so yourself.

-Yeah sure, but not her.

-Well, I hope you really mean that, Lieutenant.

That you're not just playing some kind of a game with her.

-A game?

-Yes, you know what I mean.

Lulling her into a false sense of security.

Edna's a very vulnerable person.

-Mr. Kingston, you've got me all wrong, really.

I wouldn't think of a thing like that.

That lady wouldn't hurt a fly.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Lieutenant?

Can you come around here for a minute?

You told me not to bother you until she'd gone.

-What is it?

-Well, we found something else.

She's got some trash cans back here.

-Rudy Matthews, 417 Pine View.

-Looks like that piece of wrapping paper that was torn

from the rest of it in his house.

Remember?

We figured the thief used it.

-All right, you better get that down for fingerprinting

in comparison with the other papers.

Is there anything else?

-No, we've covered every inch of the grounds.

-Be careful with that.

-Now what?

-I don't know.

-I know what you're thinking, Lieutenant.

A gun and now this new evidence.

Looks pretty bad for her.

-Yes, it does.

Yes.

-I'm still convinced that Edna had absolutely

nothing to do with this.

-You know, I think I agree with you.

Look at it this way, If she's really guilty, she's not going

to put that paper in her garbage can, is she?

I mean, she's probably going to burn it in a

fireplace or something.

-Yes, exactly.

That's the point.

-And you know something else, Mr. Kingston?

You're absolutely right about her.

She's a, what did you call her before?

Vulnerable?

-Yes.

-She's a vulnerable woman.

And I'm afraid that if I press her too

hard she'll fall apart.

-Oh, yes.

-And I sure don't want to make the same mistake

that I made with you.

No, sir.

What I'm going to do is this.

I'm going to sit on everything until those stolen

paintings show up.

-I see.

-I mean, that's the best way to handle it, don't you think?

-Yes, yes, of course.

-I mean, I don't want to go around pointing my finger at

anyone until I have an airtight case.

Right?

-Right.

Uh, Lieutenant, uh your own man said that you'd, uh, you'd

covered every, uh, every inch of the place.

Did that include the inside of the house?

-Well, she gave us permission, but I didn't

want to bother her.

-Well, don't you think you should?

I mean for her protection.

And when you fail to find the paintings you can cross her

name off the list entirely.

-But that hardly seems worth the trouble.

Neither of us think she's guilty.

Why bother?

-Well, for her sake, so she can be certain.

Search the house, Lieutenant.

-Nah, really, I think it's a waste of time.

But if anything new comes up, I'll let you know.

-Edna?

She's utterly harmless.

-Exactly, that's why we've got to help her.

-But is there really any danger of her arrest?

You told me yourself the Lieutenant

doesn't think she's guilty.

-That's today, Frank.

Who knows what he'll think tomorrow.

In case you haven't noticed, he is a very haphazardly

individual.

-Mm.

And if he doesn't break the case soon.

-Exactly.

He starts looking for a scapegoat because the

pressure's building up on him and Edna's the

most obvious candidate.

-Well, what should we do?

-Protect her.

I'm sure Rudy would have wanted both of us to look out

for her interests.

She trusts you, Frank.

Get her in here.

Talk to her like a Dutch uncle.

Fill her in on the situation.

-You're sure we should allow her house to be searched?

-Absolutely, in fact, I think you ought to recommend that we

insist on it.

And that way, we get it on the record that nothing has been

found to incriminate her.

-All right.

Um, Ms. Henderson, get me Mrs. Matthews.

-Oh, uh.

She's shopping at the fashion center in Beverly Hills.

You can bring her in here right now and clarify this

whole thing.

-Ms. Henderson, have her paged at the, uh, fashion center.

We'll clear it up today.

-Well, there may be one small hitch to that.

Unfortunately, Lieutenant Columbo refuses

to search the house.

He claims it would be a waste of time.

-Oh?

-Which merely perpetuates Edna's anxiety.

I really wish there was something we could do about

that man, Frank

-Well, perhaps there's, uh, some way around him.

You really think so?

-I have a few friends at City Hall.

Let me look into it.

-Fine, thank you.

I'll just run one little errand and I'll be right back.

-Fine, fine.

Uh, Ms. Henderson, after I talk to, uh, Mrs. Matthews, I

want the police department.

Dale?

Edna does have an excellent motive.

You, uh, you don't think there's any chance--

-Of course not.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Frank.

-Yeah, sorry.

-I just don't understand any of this.

-It's just a precautionary measure, Aunt Edna.

Nothing more.

-But, uh, what do you want them to search my house for?

What will they find?

-Absolutely nothing.

That's just the point.

Come

on -Frank?

-Mmhmm.

-Where, uh, where do you want me to put these?

-Oh, oh, in there.

Anywhere.

Oh, I need a drink.

-Of course you do, darling.

So do I. Now let me fix it for you.

Here are your keys.

Still Scotch?

-Yes.

How about you, Frank?

A drink?

-Yes, uh, on the rocks, please.

-I'm sorry I'm going to have to put you through this now.

But, believe me, it will all be over soon, huh?

-Why would anyone think that I'd want to kill Rudy?

-Nobody does.

We just want to make sure that it stays that way, that's all.

That's why Frank is having the police come in

and search the house.

Believe me, it's all for the best.

-Dale, I don't even remember what happened the night Rudy

was killed.

I get so nervous I, I take sleeping pills sometimes.

-That's one thing you should, ah!

-Oh!

-Oh!

Excuse me.

Let me just dry off, I'll be right back.

-Oh, isn't that a shame?

[doorbell]

-Frank, must we go through this?

-Edna, you would be so much better off.

[doorbell]

-Come on, come on.

Nothing to be nervous about now.

Go ahead.

-Mrs. Matthews?

Captain Wyler, police department.

-Yes, um, please come in.

-Sorry, you can't go there.

-I'm a lieutenant so, uh, do you mind?

It's OK, Ferguson, let him in.

-Hi, Captain.

-Columbo.

-Oh, hi, Mr. Kingston.

-Well, hello, Lieutenant.

-Listen, I just heard about this.

You know, word came down from above to

have the place searched.

I, uh--

-Is that so?

-Yeah.

And I, I, I can't understand why.

Uh, the fact is, uh, I was kind of bypassed

when I came over here.

-Well, apparently you're just not needed here then,

Lieutenant.

Why don't you just go home and have your dinner?

-Oh, no I better hang around because, uh, you know, if I

leave now, it looks bad upstairs, you know.

Oh, hello Mrs. Matthews, Mr. Simpson.

Gee, I hope this is not upsetting you too Much

-Well, I'm not very happy about my

house being torn apart.

But they advised me to do it.

-They?

Who is they?

-Mr. Kingston and I thought it was necessary, Lieutenant.

-Oh, I see.

-It, it, it's really very confusing.

You said you didn't suspect me of anything, didn't you?

-Yes, I did ma'am and I meant that.

And actually, I was opposed to having--

-Captain Wyler?

Clear this table.

-Where'd you find those?

-Linen closet, in the hallway.

-Edna, how could you?

-Dale!

Believe me, I have no idea how they got there.

-You better not say another word.

-But--

-Edna, he's right.

Do you intend to charge her formally, Captain?

-It's up to Lieutenant Columbo.

It's his case.

-What do you mean it's his case?

I thought he was--

-We know what you thought, Mr. Kingston.

-Lieutenant?

-Well, I think we can get started with the

fingerprinting.

-Let's get the kit.

-Careful there.

Be very careful.

Gee, they're something aren't they?

Pastels, you know.

-May I ask what this is all about Lieutenant?

-Both of them.

-Lieutenant?

-Oh, Mr. Kingston.

Uh, yes.

Just give us a moment please, do you mind?

-We're getting a few.

-Good.

-I'd like an answer, if you don't mind.

-Uh, well, I'd have to start with your uncle's will.

-What about it?

-Well, you see, he pulled the rug out from under you when he

left his collection to Mrs. Matthews.

So you only had one thing that you could do.

Murder him and blame it on her.

-I hope you realize the full import of what you're saying,

Lieutenant.

They're are witnesses here.

-You see, under the law, anyone who criminally causes

the death of someone else can't

inherit from that person.

Is that right, Mr. Simpson?

-That's correct.

-So if Mrs. Matthews is convicted,

you're next in line.

Everything goes to you.

That's why you planted the gun.

And that's why you planted the wrapping paper.

And that's why you planted these paintings.

-Dale.

I can't believe it.

-No, but you'd like to, wouldn't you?

Get you right off the hook.

All right Lieutenant, you claim that I planted these

paintings, suppose you prove it.

-Can we?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, with fingerprints.

-Sorry to disappoint you, Lieutenant.

Fingerprints won't help you with all.

My fingerprints are all over those paintings.

My uncle and I unwrapped them when they came

back from the exhibit.

I told you, didn't I?

I told you myself.

They're covered with my prints.

-No, we're not looking for your prints.

-What?

You remember the time that I was in your apartment and you

came in with some paintings?

And you said that they were watercolors and you wanted to

evaluate them?

And remember I wanted to see them?

And you wouldn't let me?

And I even touched 'em.

-You touched them?

-Yes, my fingerprints are on those paintings.

Now if Mrs. Matthews is guilty, how could my

fingerprints get on paintings that she stole?

-This is entrapment.

It's a set-up, that's all!

You, you, you touched those paintings just now while I

wasn't looking.

You saw him do it, didn't you?

You put your prints on those paintings while you were bent

over watching them when they were working on it.

He touched them!

You touched--

You--

[music playing]

[theme music]