Original subtitles

MAX: Andie sold drugs. PIP: How do you know?

I was one of her customers.

She sold them at Calamity parties, mainly.

Sal hated drugs.

♪ This is how I show my love

♪ I made it in my mind because

♪ Blame it on my ADD, baby... ♪

Calamity is hot and sweaty and noisy

and just a little bit f... up in all the best ways.

♪ This is how an angel dies... ♪

You're such a good girl, Pip.

Are you really ready for that?

♪ Blame it on my ADD, baby

♪ Sail

♪ Sail

♪ Sail

♪ Sail

♪ Sail

♪ Maybe I'm a different breed

♪ Maybe I'm not listening

♪ So blame it on my ADD, baby. ♪

So, guys, I really want to go to a Calamity party.

You want to what?

I realise it's somewhat out of character.

Somewhat? Try a-lot-what.

Yes! I've been dying to go to a Calamity since, like, Year 9.

Pip, you hate parties. They say try everything once.

I believe the acronym is YOLO. Exactly!

I can't go to film school until I've been to a proper party.

Plus, Ant will be there.

CHATTER, LAUGHTER

CARA SQUEAKS CHILDISHLY

As will Ruby Foxcroft...

MOCKS CARA SQUEAKING

Shut up and eat your Muller Light.

I heard there's a Calamity at the start of every term.

How do we find it?

Guys, people like us don't get invited.

These things are super secret.

Yeah, and not to mention infamously debauched.

12 down. "Acrimonious".

Lucky we're such good problem solvers, then.

BELL RINGS

Right, our task is to work out

when and where the next Calamity will be,

and how to gain access.

MUSIC: Guillotine by Mansionair

♪ Yeah

♪ I got one, two, 99 problems

♪ And the cig in my hand it ain't one

♪ And I'm trying to quit but I can't As I flick through the Gram

♪ Like I'm staring down the barrel of a gun

♪ The tip of the iceberg melting in the sun

♪ A glimpse of the climate change getting warm

♪ Little ol' me That's the eye of the storm

♪ Wish I could turn my mind off for a month

♪ Take my head away from me

♪ Antoinette, sweet Marie

♪ Chop it off, squeaky clean

♪ I got thoughts nobody needs Down below... ♪

Oooh! What's wrong? It's fine... it's fine.

I just liked Becca Bell's post.

♪ Lost my mind, guillotine

♪ Guillotine... ♪

This is pointless. No-one's posted anything incriminating.

The black ribbons are clearly a clue.

I've seen them in the woods.

Wait! Look.

"Five more sleeps".

There's a party this Saturday. PHONE CHIMES

Guys, Naomi's just replied. Finally!

Apparently, when she used to go to Calamities,

the location was shared at midday the Monday before the party.

But that's, like...

Now!

♪ If all goes well he'll return to the world

♪ And get praised for the records he sells. ♪

Loved that dance challenge you posted.

I'm surprised it didn't trend.

It got 1,300 likes.

That's not bad.

But I suppose if you really want to hit those FYPs,

you have to game the algorithm.

Oh, yeah? Sounds complicated.

No. You just have to adjust your visibility settings.

I could do it for you if you like?

Fine.

Come on, Pipsqueak. I've got to go to Spanish.

Si, por supuesto. One more second...

BELL RINGS

Done.

Prepare to viralise!

PIP CHUCKLES

Did you just say "viralise"?

THEY ALL CHUCKLE

BELL RINGS That's it, folks.

Read chapter two by next week.

I've tried it as a numerical code in case they're co-ordinates.

An anagram in case it's an address...

That doesn't look like English.

I was listening.

I thought your point on pathetic fallacy

in the Gothic novel was spot on.

Thank you.

It's a codebreaking game.

We have to find a location using the code "black banana bears".

Oh, like what3words?

Of course!

I'm so stupid!

You are a certified genius.

Black... banana... bears...

Shit, it's in the middle of nowhere.

So, this guy Andie was selling for - we think he's Secret Older Guy?

Could be.

Or he could have nothing to do with Secret Older Guy.

Maybe Andie was just involved in a drug deal gone wrong.

Either way, we need to find this dealer.

How, though? Elementary, my dear Watson.

I'm not going to get into this right now, but I am not Watson.

OK, well, I am clearly Sherlock.

Nah, I've got that sexy Cumberbatch energy.

And you're clearly Martin Freeman.

That it is ridiculous!

Don't get sidetracked. What's the plan?

Max said the dealer could be at a Calamity.

So, I'll be attending one this Saturday.

I need to follow the drugs.

Pip, you can't just waltz up to some dealer and be like,

"Hey, what's the craic with that murder?"

You could come too?

I know people were awful to you after Sal died.

You're on your own for this one.

Don't do anything rash.

That, my friend, is classic Watson.

Which one says "party" to you more?

Fleece? The knit?

Neither.

All right, spill the tea.

What tea?

You obviously want to go because of the case.

Can't I just be trying to YOLO?

That doesn't even make sense.

Excited to see Ruby?

PIP GIGGLES

She's way out of my league.

Says who? You're funny,

you're kind...

Ah, you've got great teeth.

You won the bleep test three years in a row!

Go forth and conquer,

like a... queer Boudicca.

All right, calm down.

Let's not get there too late.

I remember Naomi saying Calamities can get dark.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

You two off out?

Uh, yeah. Just to a party.

Since when do you two go to parties?!

Party, huh? What party?

It's not a "party" party, more like a social gathering.

Well, take some money from my wallet for a cab home, yeah?

Will do.

Oh, and remember, if anyone offers you any drugs,

just take half first. OK?

No. No... Sh. Let's get rid of you, come on.

Maybe just a dab. No, no, no. No.

That's how we met! No, dear!

Memories! Off we go. He's joking. VICTOR IMITATES RAVE MUSIC

That's not... that's not real.

Goodbye. Come on.

I'm just saying, your parents are, like, the dream.

They're fun, intellectual equals,

hot for middle-aged people.

They're not hot! To be fair, they kind of are.

It says this is it.

Black Banana Bears.

We could text the boys, see if they're here yet.

This way.

This is unreal.

Maybe we should go back.

You'll be fine once we go in. MUSIC THUMPS

Knock back a few Pina Coladas...

Pip, it's a rave. They're not going to have Pina Coladas.

Dad says a party is never a party without Pina Coladas.

Ready?

Let's do this, bitches.

Come on.

MUSIC: Patient Zero by Starmaxx

♪ You can call me patient zero

♪ You can call me freaking weirdo

♪ You can stab me in the heart and leave me in the dark

♪ But I'm still standing here though

♪ You can run away and hide

♪ But I will always be inside

♪ You can say you got a choice but I'm that tiny voice

♪ That howls in your mind

♪ Cos I'm the monster in your head right now

♪ Call first responders 'fore I slay this crowd

♪ Don't give me dollars I don't want that clout

♪ Just give me what your soul allows

♪ Yeah, I'm the monster underneath your bed

♪ I'm a psychedelic crawling in your head

♪ I'mma wake you up from the walking dead

♪ So we can feel alive again... ♪

It's like Dante's Inferno!

When can we leave? Not yet.

I tried to do a Sex On The Beach but they only had vodka and orange.

So it's mainly just "beach".

Ugh. Let's go find the boys.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

♪ So we can feel alive again... ♪

CHUCKLING

INDISTINCT BACKGROUND CHATTER

ALL: Ooooh...!

Oh! Yay!

CHUCKLING

What the hell? I think it's a sex game.

Cara Ward!

Didn't know this was your scene.

It's not.

Usually.

Come and dance.

Hey, girls. Want to play?

Come on, I'll wingwoman you.

ALL: Oooooh!

THEY EXCLAIM

You don't have to go if you don't want to.

It's fine. I'll go.

We just... talk?

The point of the game isn't to talk.

I'm way too sober.

I need something to get me going.

Oh, yeah?

Huh!

Ant's got my Special K.

I can go get it if you want. Oh... Not for me.

Makes me feel too special.

Huh! Last Calamity, I got these mad shrooms off my dealer.

Shit got so fucked up.

Is he here?

Your dealer?

Why do you want to see my dealer? No offence, but...

..you don't seem like the type.

Mm. I suppose I've spent my whole school career focused on work

and getting into uni.

Now I just want to...

..let loose.

Go a bit wild.

Hmm... Wild sounds fun.

I'll sort you out.

Where are we going?

To meet Howie.

In there.

Aren't you coming?

Nah. I'll wait.

Be careful, yeah?

Of what?

Yeah?

Hi.

I'm a friend of Dylan's.

That prick owes me 60 quid.

I could pay you back.

I've got three questions for you.

£20 per question.

All right.

Hi.

Hi... Sorry, excuse me.

Excuse me.

Is it true Andie Bell used to deal drugs for you?

Yeah.

What kind?

Weed. Ket. Rohypnol.

Bit of Mandy.

Rohypnol?

Isn't that a date rape drug?

Ketamine's a horse tranquillizer.

People'll take anything for a buzz.

I liked Andie.

She was cool.

Andie was the perfect decoy.

Till she wasn't.

Why?

Do you know where I got this?

Belmarsh.

Some bloke took against me.

Filled a kettle with sugar.

Boiled it.

Threw it in my face.

Just kidding.

Your face! I've never been Belmarsh.

SHE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY Yeah. No. Of course not.

No, my brother did it. The wreckhead.

Man who looks like me, people assume the worst.

But a golden girl like Andie, who kept her stash in a toy bunny -

no-one suspected her.

They never found her burner phone.

Never found me.

One more question. Choose wisely.

Where were you on the 19th of April, 2019?

Are you accusing me of something?

No.

Sounds like you are.

I'm honestly not.

You think cos I deal drugs I go around murdering teenage girls?

No... No, I didn't...

WHISPERS: What if I do?

Howie, leave her alone.

RAGGED BREATHING

Whoa... What's the matter?

Howie...

Hey, hey, hey... you're safe now.

You know, you actually look cute when you're scared.

Come here.

Stop.

Dylan, no!

You said you wanted to loosen up.

Everything OK?

All right, you little creep...

Piss off.

Cockblocker.

You good?

Come on.

I'll walk you back.

Are you OK to find your friends?

Watch out, yeah? Bad shit can happen at these parties.

Bad shit?

Just keep an eye on your drink.

MUSIC THUMPS AND DISTORTS

SHE PANTS

DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES

PHONE VIBRATES

Hi.

Sorry it's late. I thought you might still be out partying.

No, I'm home now. What are you doing?

Well, I'm thinking if I go via the catacombs,

I'm definitely going to get eaten by zombies. Mm...

Don't go via the catacombs, then.

But then, if I go through the centre of the city,

I'll probably get shot by the resistance.

That is a tough decision, isn't it?

It's kind of life or death.

So was it as messed up as people say?

It was actually pretty boring.

I've been feeling bad that I didn't come with you.

Don't.

We're a team.

It's just...

..after Andie went missing, people have treated me,

my mum and my dad, like we we're all guilty.

So sometimes I guess it's just easier for me

to hide in my room and kill zombies than it is to, you know,

face everyone.

But I feel bad I wasn't there for you.

Don't. I get it.

Will you meet me tomorrow and give me a full debrief?

Yeah. I think I'll leave you to it, and we'll talk tomorrow.

OK, Sarge. Goodnight.

Bye.

PHONE VIBRATES

CHURCH BELL TOLLS

Pip?

Yeah?

I know what you're doing.

You're investigating Andie's case, aren't you?

I just have one question.

Why?

Firstly, I can understand how difficult... No... this must...

You can't.

They got her smile wrong.

She, um... She had a dimple, just here.

I'm just trying to find out the truth.

It's not about the truth.

People act like this stuff is for the dead person, but it's not.

It's for them.

RINGING TONE

Hello, Sarge.

I've just made you one of my signature no-alcohol cocktails.

It's called a Pipsmopolitan.

It's like a Cosmopolitan but with...

Where are you anyway?

I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to be able to come today.

I want to, I really do, but...

..something's just come up, so I can't.

Hey, it's OK. Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Don't worry, just call me when you can about the Calamity party.

I still want to get the scoop.

Thank you.

CARA: And then Lauren said you disappeared

into some cave-hole with Dylan.

It was fine. I just went home.

I do want to know what happened with you and Ruby.

Well, we... we danced for a bit and we kissed for a bit,

and it was...

But then I came back to the dance floor,

and Lauren was freaking out cos you'd gone, and we didn't know

where you were, and you weren't answering texts, and I just...

..I felt really bad.

I left a man behind, and I'm really sorry. No.

It was my fault. I was the one who left without saying anything.

So what happened?

I went to the party to talk to a guy who knew Andie.

Suspect?

Yeah.

It was scary.

Did he tell you anything?

Yeah.

It's just...

..usually I know what to do...

..but right now, I'm just... kind of like my head's all over the place.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Hello? Hello, Pip.

Hi. What happened last night?

In what way? Getting in with Josh.

He said that you, er... hogged the duvet.

I just... didn't fancy sleeping alone.

Can I talk to you, please?

About what?

I need to practise before my mock Cambridge interview.

So, I spoke to Elliot earlier,

and he mentioned that you've bene hanging out with Ravi Singh.

No, I haven't.

Don't lie to me.

It's just EPQ stuff.

You promised me that you would not bother those families.

Anyway, Victor and I have discussed it,

and we've decided that it's not an appropriate topic. So...

..Elliot's going to talk to you on Monday about choosing a new topic.

Maybe you can go back to Gothic literature or something.

Find something else to write about.

OK?

OK.

Vic's doing his minty lamb.

Do you want to come and help with chopping duties?

PIP SIGHS

MUSIC: Osiris by Matstubs & Rfen

BECCA: I know what you're doing. I just have one question.

Why?

HOWIE: You think cos I deal drugs, I go around murdering teenage girls?

What if I do?

I got you something.

The quietest food in the world.

So, are you going to tell me what we're doing here?

Andie kept her drug stash hidden in a toy rabbit.

And she had a burner phone.

Which probably contains a load of secret contacts

and messages that we don't know about.

And I'm willing to bet that both are inside that house.

Sorry, you're suggesting we break into the Bells'?

Not break. Sneak.

I just know there's something in there.

Dawn and Jason have left for work.

We're just waiting on Becca.

Are you sure everything's OK? Why wouldn't it be?!

You can tell me I'm insane if you want. I'm still doing it.

I mean, you are insane.

But that's why a Sherlock needs a Watson.

I'll keep watch.

A brown man sneaking into a white family's house is not a good look.

DOOR CLOSES IN BACKGROUND

Look.

If I see danger, I'll text you a code word.

What code word?

Marshmallow.

CAMERA CLICKS

I'm afraid we're going to have to operate.

RIPPING

VEHICLE APPROACHES

What?!

RINGING TONE

THEY WHISPER: Oi! What are you doing?! I was marshmallowing you.

Becca's back. She must have forgotten something.

FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS

Monty?

Are you in here?

DOORBELL

DOORBELL

THEY PANT

Oh, shit. I think I just had a coronary event.

Wait.

No!

Oh, my God!

Burner phone?

No.

DOOR CLOSES

Who is it? What do we do?

Find a back window and slide down the drainpipe.

Are you mad?! We went indoor rock climbing for Cara's last birthday.

Someone'll see. Let's just listen and we'll make a run for it.

Fine.

What are you doing?! There might be evidence.

It's full of drugs. If we get caught...

MAN: The old girl over the road said some youth was casing the joint.

No sign of forced entry. Shall I check the back?

I'm late to a pilates class.

Can't be too careful, Bex. Pretty girl like you, home alone.

How nice of you to care. Wouldn't mind a cuppa while I look around.

UTENSILS CLATTER

INDISTINCT CHATTER

I need to leave soon. It's not too far.

SHE MOUTHS

Go, go, go! I'm going, I'm going, I'm going!

Go! I'm going!

That was incredible!

That was awful. We were amazing!

Speak for yourself. I think I might have wee'd myself.

♪ My head is spinning around and around

♪ As I go deep into the funnel of love

♪ It's such a crazy, crazy feeling

♪ I get weak in the knees

♪ My poor old head is a-reelin'

♪ As I go deep into the funnel of love. ♪