Original subtitles

(upbeat militaristic music)

(cars honking)

Colonel Marshall,

I wanna impress upon you again

the vital importance of getting those plans

for me immediately.

The exasperated entire drive depends on them.

You understand?

Yes sir.

Colonel Marshal.

My plans.

Excuse me general it may be pertinent.

What is it soldier?

Yes sir, no sir,

the memorandum on crop circles.

Remarkable remember,

I can hold you personally responsible for those plans.

Yes sir.

My coat.

Yes sir.

Olga.

Olga, Olga's crazy.

I've never given her the slightest impression,

she runs me ragged.

The military police sergeant has sent for you sir.

Send him in.

Well have you caught those two men?

No sir.

Ya see it's this way-

- I don't care which way it is.

Those man are A W O L.

Absent without leave from the rocket for ten days.

Running around Paris as if this were a picnic

instead of a war.

Impersonating officers,

flirting with congress men's wives.

Last night one of 'em had an engagement

to elope with a Russian ambassador's mother in law.

And didn't keep the engagement.

The Russian ambassador is very angry.

Now I want those two men captured

and brought to me personally.

I'll see that they go to jail for life.

Here's a photograph of 'em.

Now you go out an get those men.

Yes sir.

Was the old man sore?

No.

He gave me the quantic antic on both

for not catchin' them AWOL guys.

Well how ya gonna catch 'em?

I ain't never even seen 'em.

The old man just gave me a photograph of 'em.

Photograph, there ain't no photograph on here.

Can ya beat those guys?

They got away again.

Whenever I catch 'em,

I'll bring 'em in piece by piece.

Me too.

Come on soldier.

We got work to do.

(background chatter)

What's the idea, what's the idea?

Come come boys let's have an accounting,

let's have an accounting.

Why, we're just talkin' to some girls.

Hmm, did you hear that Thomas,

let's see your passes men.

Come come, more alert men, more alert.

Look them over Thomas, then report to me.

Why it's a clear infraction of rule six

section four, apartment three,

the people versus John Doe.

Mmm, just as I thought, just as I thought.

I'm surprised at you men.

Acting justly towards those whom you have sworn to love

honor and,

oh baby.

But we haven't done anything-

- That's enough soldiers, no buts.

On your way, or we'll render you horses de combats.

Yes, scrammy, scrammy.

But sir you can't-

every time I make a dame here.

(background chatter)

(speaking in foreign language)

(laughing)

Lafayette we're there.

(background chatter)

(speaking in foreign language)

We're all set.

(laughing)

(background chatter)

Somethin' tells me we're gonna nail those guys.

Me too.

Where's your arm band?

I don't know.

Well a swell MP you turned out to be.

Here we are lookin' for a couple a guys

that 'll turn Paris upside down.

And you lose your armband.

Yeah, well where's yours?

Well what?

Say,

somethin' tells me we almost had those guys.

Me too.

Come on soldier, we'll get 'em yet.

(speaking in foreign language)

Say now that ya brought that up,

I wanna ask you something.

(speaking in foreign language)

What did she say?

She said no.

Come on.

(speaking in foreign language)

(background chatter)

Boy.

Hey Tommy, I'm gettin' a little tired a being an MP.

So am I.

These things are no good anyway.

Sometimes they make good handkerchiefs.

You know, MP, mop perspiration.

Oh you're off again.

(laughing)

Gilbert, what about promoting ourselves?

Splendid idea.

Lets be Lieutenants.

Just the thing.

After what we saw, we deserve it.

Tommy.

Yeah.

How would you like to be a general.

Not me, there's no chance for promotion.

Mmm.

Here we are.

Isn't it wonderful, the future one has in the army?

Yeah.

You start at the bottom and go over the top.

Now where are my Lieutenants?

Here they are, now stand still boy, stand still.

Now there's a rank, and thank very ranked.

How do you do?

How do you do?

They won't give us the tumble,

they must be big game.

They may be big game to some people,

but they're just animal crackers to me.

Well now Gilbert, you can't tell.

Maybe they don't wanna be seen with Lieutenants.

Alright then we'll be captains.

(background chatter)

You know Gilbert,

those girls show very good sense.

They don't like second Lieutenants.

Alright, you stand still then shaved tail

while I make you a captain.

You won't make me a captain.

You'll make me a Major.

You know the higher we go, the harder they'll fall.

A major, certainly, where do I keep my majors?

Ah here they are, major.

Nope, those are rear admirals.

Here's the majors.

Now, as Adam said to Eve,

pick yourself a couple a leaves.

Say Gilbert,

if that little dark one don't go for this, she ain't human.

(chuckles)

I've got a sneakin' idea,

that the one in the floppy hat likes aviators.

Huh, great, we'll make a few fly remarks.

Ha, splendid, splendid Major.

Would you like some decorations?

Well look now, nothing tantalizing,

just a DFC and a Quantic Air.

A DFC and a Quantic Air, certainly, certainly.

Hold still.

There.

Boy, you look like a million dollars.

I may look like a million dollars,

but I'm going to be much easier to make.

Beaver.

(background chatter)

(speaking in foreign language)

And all that sort of jolly nonsense.

I can't recall your name but I've forgotten your face.

My my my,

that hat certainly has marvelous wing spread.

I, uh, I bet you take off easily.

Major, have you noticed that

the large picture hats are coming back?

Yes, yes,

you know bit by bit our women are losing their manhood.

Yes, I've noticed that.

I'll bet the face beneath the brim is just as lovely

as the decoration.

And what decorations, ah lovely.

Mmm.

If we only had a little cream and sugar.

Major,

would you have an apple?

Thank you captain.

I'm glad watermelons are not in season.

Bon jor.

Misuer, you are making a bad mistake.

You may be bad but you're no mistake.

(laughing)

Well put Captain.

You are very groll misuer.

Oh yes yes, I just groll around from place to place.

(laughing)

Oh doesn't he say the cutest things?

Oh dear oh dear.

Lovely war we're having.

(speaking in foreign language)

Ha, well you certainly cleaned that one up.

(speaking in foreign language)

Mmm what you say I like very much.

Oh I wonder what I said.

(laughing)

You are distinguish aviator?

Well, I don't think so,

but then, what's my opinion compared to thousands of others?

Move over will ya honey?

Thank you.

Do you kiss soldiers?

Ah, that is my business.

How's business?

Misuer, why do you take up aviation?

Oh let me see, why did I take up avi-

oh I have it now, yeah.

They told me I was no good on earth.

(laughing)

Noon tomorrow,

tomorrow I'm going to make a parachute leap.

Oh a parachute leap?

Yeah.

I wanna show General Pershing what's in me.

(laughing)

Ex nay, ex nay.

Yes yes, you know I'm very fond of France,

I love dear old France.

You know what I like about France?

I love to hear the French peasants singing the mayonnaise.

♫ The camels are coming astray astray

♫ The camels are coming astray astray ♫

There's a little scotch in the major.

A little ginger ale too.

(speaking in foreign language)

In the back nah nah.

In the back nah nah.

(laughing)

Nah nah nah.

Nah nah nah.

(talking over each other)

Just don't pay any attention to the major.

He sometimes thinks he's a male dale.

Take a peek, take a peek.

My mistake, Pekinese.

As I was relating, when I arrived in Paris,

little did I realize, what this moment held in store for me.

But now I know.

Yes, now I know.

Well fellow.

It's alright Major, you can come up.

(laughing)

My goodness, the Major has been promoted.

He is now a Brigadier General.

Ah ladies, pardon me ladies.

May I introduce, Major Operation of the Hospital Corps?

Major.

And I ladies,

I am Colonel Simkins.

Colonel Simkins?

Uh, Captain Simkins.

I can understand your mistake.

You know if those two birds wasn't officers,

I'd think they were the guys we're after.

Officers or no officers,

I still think they're the guys we're after.

Me too.

Can you keep a secret?

If she helps ya?

Oh sure.

Well, we're in the secret service.

Yes?

Yes, you see there so many spies around.

You know, German spies, Austrian spies,

Bulgarian spies.

And Eskimo spies.

(laughing)

Comical console, very comical.

Oh do you know Colonel Marshal?

Oh, do we know Colonel Marshal?

He's a pill.

Do you know that Colonel Marshal thinks so much of us,

that he gives our photographs

to every soldier under his command?

Really?

Especially the MP's.

Yeah.

Well he's a very good friend of mine.

He comes here to this restaurant every day.

Here?

Yes.

Well well.

Well, so long girls.

We'll see you around girls.

Oh but must you really go so soon?

Yes, you see, waterman is drilling a new ink well

and we've got to look it over.

(background chatter)

Hey.

Hey.

Did you hear that hey?

Hey, hey.

Hey get to the Quartermaster's apartment.

Hey.

How dare you interfere with officers in exercise.

Well we wasn't sure whether-

- Did you hear that Major?

He wasn't sure.

Oh, me oh my oh my oh my.

Not to be sure is the greatest offense in the Army.

Yeah.

Let the punishment fit the crime.

I must think Major, I must think.

Don't strain yourself now Captain.

Oh I hate to be in such a state.

You know my nasty nerves.

Let me see.

What will I do?

Ah ha.

(background chatter)

I'll be an hour, get yours.

Yes sir.

Colonel Marshal.

Oh hello Olga.

Strange that I always meet you here.

Always I'm here waiting for you

to be nice to me.

I can't be nice, I'm married.

Oh but can't you be just a little bit nice sir?

Now Olga, I don't wanna be rude,

but if I am nice, you send me perfume love letters

that can ruin me.

You've got to stop it you understand?

And what's more, what do you mean by sending your love notes

in a piece of United States Army envelopes?

Because, if I do not send them

in official United States Army envelopes,

you do not open my letters.

Yes, but don't you know that's a serious offense?

What?

Not opening my letters?

No no, sending them in official envelopes.

Oh, but can I help it that you are so magnificent?

Oh mon brav, do not scold poor Olga.

You are always so cold.

Hot or cold, you've got to stop sending those letters.

(speaking in foreign language)

They are so snappy.

So handsome.

Well of course when it comes to that,

you know these military men.

(speaking in foreign language)

Take me to luncheon.

I can't take you to luncheon.

Why not?

My wife is waiting for me.

You might introduce me to your wife?

Yes, I might, but I won't.

See you later.

Well we had 'em again.

Yeah.

Hey listen,

when I do get hold of 'em,

I'm gonna knock 'em so cold they'll keep for years.

Me too.

Hey.

Hey.

Lemme go, lemme go or I'll bust you in the face.

You'll bust who in what face?

Oh.

Then there is a Santy Clause.

Back up soldier.

What outfit.

Detail of 2 AWOL.

Well you better not let my dad catch ya.

Ah.

Who's your dad?

Colonel Marshal.

Are ya sure?

What?

I mean uh,

whew,

I mean, you know,

you flatter him.

Oh, have you ever met my dad?

No but,

he's tryin' to meet me.

I'll fix it.

No no don't do me any favors.

Whew.

Say,

you know when I first saw you,

I thought you were a little French girl.

Honest?

Yeah.

Hot dog, that's my repressed desire.

Say.

What?

Do you think I could fascinate him?

Fascinate him?

Honey, you could mutilate him.

(speaking in foreign language)

They're so handsome, so snappy, oh.

Oh.

It's a good thing I've been vaccinated.

Say honey,

I wanna ask you something that might sound a little personal

you know at first.

What is it?

Do ya love me?

Well.

You'll have to give me a little time.

Well you better make up your mind, it's 2:30 now.

You know this Paris is a fast place.

Gee, isn't Paris a grand place to live in?

Do you, do you live in Paris?

Uh huh.

Then Paris is a grand place to live in.

Say.

What?

Are you married?

No I just naturally look worried.

Oh I think it's a shame to send cute little fellas

like you to the front.

That's what I said but,

ya can't tell these generals anything.

I think it's wonderful, us happening to meet this way.

Gee, an I think it's wonderful to meet a girl,

who's beautiful enough to be dumb

and doesn't take advantage of it.

(whistle)

(playful music)

♫ When you are on duty

♫ Watching all around

♫ I can hear you passing by my door

♫ Precious little beauty

♫ You'll be safe and sound

♫ Guarded as you never were before

♫ When your footsteps I await

♫ Maybe I'll get ooh

♫ At night I cry awake

♫ Tell me what to do

♫ When you get blue

♫ Just whistle for me dear

♫ I'll promise you I will never fail to hear

♫ Then I'll pretend it's just a little bird

♫ I'll find my sweetie without another word

♫ When in the shade dear someone you see

♫ Don't be afraid dear for it'll be

♫ Little me

♫ We'll cuddle close

♫ Until the break of day

♫ Whistling the blues away ♫

(playful music and whistling)

Say how old are you?

Sixteen.

Oh no, you couldn't learn that in sixteen years.

(playful music)

Lady will ya drive to the right,

will ya drive to the right.

Oh misuer did I hurt you?

Well you bent my bumper a little bit, yeah.

Oh you have anything with aviator?

Yes and I'm just in the midst of a nonstop flight.

Oh but,

(speaking in foreign language)

We'll take that up a little later honey.

Hey, that's the Colonel's car.

There they go again, hey.

Who's driving it?

One of them AWOL's sir.

Get that man or I'll put you back in the ranks.

Get me a car.

Who's car sir?

Anybody's car.

Get the Colonel a car.

Get the Colonel a car.

Get the Colonel a car.

Get the Colonel a car.

Get the Colonel a car.

Get the Colonel a car.

Get the Colonel a car.

Ah mon brav, at last we are together.

You may be together, but I'm not.

Get the Colonel a, get me a car.

(playful music)

(car backfires)

(playful music)

Well well, another air disaster.

(playful music)

The camels are still coming.

Well I didn't realize what a pickup this car had.

Say,

isn't there any place where you ain't?

Snap out of it, the MP's are on us.

Oh geeze.

You know those MP's are doing everything they can

to make this war miserable for me.

Listen honey,

if anything should happen

and we're separated,

you meet me here tonight at eight o'clock.

Oh are you looking for trouble?

Huh, I don't have to look for it,

Gilbert is always with me.

Missin' our song.

Isn't that pretty?

♫ When you get blue

♫ Just whistle for me dear

♫ I'll promise you I will never fail to hear

♫ Then I'll pretend it's just a little bird

♫ I'll find my sweetie without another word

♫ When in the shade dear someone you see

♫ Don't be afraid dear for

♫ It'll be

♫ Little me

♫ We'll cuddle close until the break of day

♫ Whistling the blues away ♫

(romantic music)

What are you sittin' on the ground for?

'Cause it happen to be there when I landed.

How did you get in the Colonel's car?

I belong in it, I'm his daughter.

I remember now, I've seen you with him.

Gee I'm glad you came.

Say I'm after those guys,

they make love to every girl they see.

The little one?

He's the worst.

Oh he is is he?

I'll fix him, what's his name?

Don't you know?

Well, we were so busy, I forgot to find out.

Tommy Turner, and the skinny one is Gilbert Simkins.

AWOL, impersonatin' officers and foolin' women.

Foolin' girls?

Yes and laughin' at 'em.

Foolin' girls an laughin' at 'em huh?

I'll get 'em for ya.

How?

Well, he told me to meet him,

never mind, this is my big moment.

I'll capture 'em both, single handed.

Say, you're pretty clever ain't ya?

Sure I'm clever.

Say, maybe you're my big romance.

Ma'am.

Well I mean, is it against Army regulations

for a Colonel's daughter to get a yen for a Sergeant?

Well I don't know, I mean.

Oh

(speaking in foreign language)

They are so handsome, so snappy.

Be nice to me big boy.

(sirens)

What were you doing in that trunk,

with a private?

Well, those two fellas were tryin' to run away with me.

But, I surrounded 'em.

Well I shot at 'em and missed but,

don't worry pops, I'll get 'em for ya yet.

My little baby.

Just a chip off the ole block.

Colonel Marshal's not there huh?

Alright thank you.

Can't you telephone anyone else?

Well we've tried everywhere.

Oh perhaps he went to Pier's and missed you.

No matter where he went, he didn't miss me.

For Colonel Marshal sir.

Uh, not here, I'll take it.

Ohh, what a delightful odor.

Uh, yes, that's the new one.

Spring time of love.

You know these french, you can't beat 'em

when it comes to perfume.

Gee what an odd idea.

Sending Army orders on perfume paper.

Yes.

Uh no no no, no not at all.

You see, in this way we can classify them immediately.

Now for instance,

now this would be from the Quartermaster's department.

Oh.

Well, if that is from the Quartermaster's department,

I imagine it will be simply glorious

to smell an order from General Headquarters.

Ha, yes, ha ha I never thought a that.

Ah.

It is no coincidence we meet again.

Didn't I tell you to keep away from here?

Don't be mad pops, introduce me.

I haven't got time.

Delighted to meet a friend of pops.

(speaking in foreign language)

Annette I'm in a hurry.

Okay pops,

run along, I might pick up a few pointers

from this baby.

She's the type.

(clears throat)

Snap out of it.

Has this whole blame family gone crazy?

Dealing and cooing like a pair of nit witted twittle dums

right in front of that gate?

What are you doing here?

Seven days leave sir.

Well you can spend them all away from my daughter.

Oh don't be violent dad.

Jim wants to marry me.

Oh he does aye?

A man who takes on a wife and a war

at the same time is insane.

Clear out.

Yes sir.

Oh father.

Why do you hate Jim?

Because he wants to take you away from me.

I went to a lot of trouble to get my family.

I married your mother didn't I?

Well I decided that you shouldn't marry a soldier.

You said it.

Can't you look after your family,

I've got a war on my hands.

Yes I just saw one of your orders

from the Quartermaster's Department.

Spring time of love.

(grunting)

When a man kisses you,

does that mean he's really in love with you?

Men kisses?

No one can tell nothing by those.

Say,

do you know anything in particular

about men with curly hair?

Curly hair, straight hair, no hair,

they're all the same.

Suppose you fell in love with a fella,

that loved every girl he met.

What would you do?

Make believe I love him desperately.

Never cease to say,

(speaking in foreign language)

Write him letters, two three six, every day.

Aw gee, I had a lotta trouble with my big moment.

He's AWOL.

(speaking in foreign language)

AWOL?

A whale of a liar.

Oh, but you will win him.

There are many ways.

Have you ever tried perfume?

Perfume?

Mmm, there's one in particular,

(speaking in foreign language)

in english it is called, spring time of love.

1000 francs to bottle,

why don't you try some?

I will.

I'm gonna get revenge if I have to get it perfumed.

Oh ma, come on over an meet what they go for in Paris.

Sorry I'm in a hurry.

Aw but she's one of pops girlfriends.

Annette, don't be silly, that's not funny.

Come along you've said enough.

Oh mom, can I have a thousand francs to buy some perfume?

What sort of perfume?

Oh it's a wow,

it lures men.

What?

Well she uses it.

They call it spring time of love.

Spring time of love eh?

She'll be lucky if winter comes.

Gee,

you know after all Gilbert,

love is peace, quiet and tranquility.

That isn't love, that's sleep.

Do you really think that gaga Annette is gonna show up?

Say she isn't gaga.

She has eyes like the heavens.

Cheeks like peaches of picarding.

Oh isn't that pretty.

Is that them?

Shh, you'll scare 'em off.

Here's my gun miss.

And remember, we get 500 for 'em, dead or alive.

You sure they're the right guys though?

Tommy Turner,

curly hair, Gilbert Simkins, skinny,

wears horn rimmed glasses.

Wait for me at the palae,

I'll deliver the bodies FOB.

See ya at the palae.

(playful music)

Hello boys.

Oh gee honey, I knew you'd come.

Ah, I seem to feel the call of the great outdoors.

Is this your car?

Yeah we picked it up for practically nothing.

Yeah, everything about it makes a noise

except the horn.

Ah,

horned rim glasses.

The description is perfect.

He he, she's not as gaga as I thought she was.

Curly hair.

Gee I'm lucky.

Kiss me.

Huh, just as I expected, now you,

watch my method.

(clears throat)

What makes you think you're so lucky honey?

Because I've got you.

Ha ha ha, boy I kill 'em, I kill 'em.

Does that really make so much difference to you?

It means that I'll make 500 dollars out of ya.

Outta him?

You must expect to know him a long time.

No from both of ya, I'll make 500 dollars tonight.

From both of us?

You're in Paris now boy.

You two boys are AWOL an I'm gonna

take ya back to my father, Colonel Marshal.

What's that?

Hey hey hey wait a minute, wait a minute,

wait, let's get this thing straight.

You've got it.

Do you mean to tell me that you'd turn me in

after I've decided to let you fall in love with me?

Fall in love with you,

why it's me that she cares for.

This for you.

And that for you.

And this for your papa.

Papa gets the best of everything.

Um,

honey would you pardon us a moment?

Yes just one little moment.

Oh no, stick around soldiers.

Uh we won't be long, we won't be long.

Just a short conference.

Come back.

(nervous laughing)

She wants us to come back.

Odd how one will misunderstand a thing isn't it?

Mm hmm.

Uh, would you mind putting that down,

you're embarrassing us.

Yeah if it went off we'd be terribly upset.

You drive a car don't ya four eyes?

Well after a fashion yes.

Uh what he doesn't know about driving

would fill a hospital.

Get in there an drive.

She's takin' us for a ride.

Listen if you ever talk fast in your life boy,

don't stutter now.

Get up there, you get in the back seat with me.

Oh, it just occurred to me

that I haven't a license for driving.

So if you'll pardon me, I'll just wander around.

Get in there.

Drive to the palae, I'm taking you to my father.

Peace, quiet and tranquility.

Will ya have a lollipop?

No I don't like lollipops.

What are you doing with these powder puffs?

Powder puffs, I've been eatin' them all day,

I thought they were marshmallows.

Oh, will ya step on it, will ya step on it?

You're still in second gear.

What's he talking about?

He wants me to make love to you

so you won't turn us in.

Oh is that it?

Well it's no use, not after the way you let me

flop on the ground this afternoon.

You'll forgive me honey, you've got such a big heart.

Detour, detour, the girl didn't fall on her heart.

Ya know honey, when you put your hand

in my hair back there,

it just seemed to fill me with electricity.

What, a little thing like that?

Oh don't do that.

But I like it.

Ha ha, well that's in the bag, come Tommy,

we must away.

Get back there and drive.

Oh you want me to continue driving, is that it?

Yes and drive slower.

Would that you are birds and I a humble shot gun.

Do ya think this is gonna work?

Its a cinch, that's a smart little girl.

Leave it to her.

(horn honking)

You're makin' fun a me,

an just for that I'm gonna turn you two in

an get that 500 dollars.

Wait, I'll tell ya what to do.

Just turn him in an take 250.

They'll put him in the guard house.

Great.

That'll give us a chance to be alone.

Get back quick, don't let 'em see ya.

Well I'll be-

- Me too.

You're never satisfied.

Always complaining, you don't seem to realize

the problems I have.

I don't see how they could have a war without you

I know I couldn't.

Oh stop it.

You'd have the last word with a nickel.

Where's Eileen?

Oh she's with Jim.

There you are, I have to attend to everything.

Can I be both father and mother?

I shouldn't be surprised,

with your versatility.

(trumpets)

(upbeat music and tapping)

(applause)

Boy I'm in love.

Huh,

well they do say that love makes the world go round,

but don't let it make ya dizzy.

Ya know Gilbert,

Annette makes me wanna do big things.

Why don't you try washing an elephant.

Oh say, I'm not kiddin'.

I'm serious.

I'd tear the world wide open for that girl.

I'm just-

- Grab that.

(background chatter)

Hey, did you see a couple a dough boys go in there?

Dough boys,

(speaking in foreign language)

Are ya sure?

(speaking in foreign language)

Is there any way those guys can out?

No sir, those two doors are the only way

they can come in or out.

(speaking in foreign language)

Okay pal.

(speaking in foreign language)

Soldier, we got 'em.

Oh boy.

When they step out.

Waiter.

It's a Colonel.

I want some attention.

Uh, what is it you want sir?

Attention.

Now then.

What can we do for ya sir?

We want a nice quiet dinner for two.

Nice quiet dinner for two.

No soup.

What have you de jor?

Now let me think,

don't tell me, don't tell me.

Is it vegetable, animal or mineral?

Imbeciles.

I'm sorry but we're all out of those.

Would you like some naturalized Swiss cheese?

How's your turtle soup?

Oh very snappy sir, very snappy.

Very well make it quick.

(speaking in foreign language)

Turtle soup, very snappy.

I think I'll have a young chicken.

It must be very young, in fact extremely young.

Heh, maybe I better bring you an egg.

One premature chicken.

Have you a wild duck?

Ha ha, no but we can take a tame one out

an aggravate it for you.

(laughing)

I'd like to have a nice juicy poultry

with dressing and brown gravy.

So would I ya know I'm starved.

Fried eggs, 200 francs.

Yes.

Your eggs are very high.

Ah but you must remember that an egg is

a whole days work for a hen.

I think I'll have a nice fresh artichoke.

He thinks he'll have a nice fresh artichoke.

He thinks he'll have a nice fresh artichoke.

Now let me see, what will I have next?

Indigestion I guess.

(laughing)

Would you like some nice,

petit marite?

Petit mon, how do you spell it?

Oh um,

I'll bring you a cup a coffee.

And listen,

don't ask him if he has frogs legs.

How dare you talk, that'll be all, hurry.

Yes sir, we'll do that.

I'm awfully pleased to have met you.

Where's your polly?

Come on soldier, let's look upstairs.

(background chatter)

I'll bet he comes back with a cream puff.

Gaston.

Coming right up madam, coming right up.

Well as I live an inhale, how are ya honey how are ya?

Wonderful.

I'm glad you think so.

How is it you are here?

Secret service.

Oh is that why you wait on Colonel Marshal?

I beg your pardon?

Colonel Marshal.

He's at the table you wait on.

Oh so it is.

The dear old Colonel, looking well too isn't he?

(laughing)

What a man, what a man.

(laughing)

(laughing)

I'm sorry, we're all out of soup.

Of all the idiots,

bring me some food.

Oh you want food?

Of course.

Ha ha, ya know I knew there was something.

(laughing)

Waiter.

My cocoa is cold.

I said my cocoa is cold.

(laughing)

Everything all right sir?

No, everything's all wrong.

The trouble with this place is,

you, you have no decorum.

Oh we have it, we have it.

But it isn't very fresh.

What's that sir?

(dishes clattering)

Tommy.

Pardon me.

I just got a tip that that old fellow is Colonel Marshal.

Ya better find out for sure.

Leave it to me.

Pardon me sir.

But are you a relative of Colonel Marshal?

Why I am Colonel Marshal.

Ah, that explains the resemblance.

It's Colonel Marshal all right.

Oh, you want the Colonel to have this note?

Colonel, note from the young lady across the way.

Now don't give it a thought,

don't give it a thought,

always glad to be of service.

Dear Snuggle puff,

who is the old froth that's with you

and where-

I can't make out that word.

Why how dare you.

Well what is it, what is it?

Why it's a message from the military police sergeant.

Reporting on two desperate men absent without leave.

(laughing)

What a liar.

Why how dare you.

You have such a thing.

And you sir,

why aren't you in the army?

That's a long story Colonel.

Ya see it's this way.

Its my feet.

Well what's the matter with them?

Flat?

Cold.

I can't eat this duck.

Send for the manager.

It's no use, he won't eat it either.

Here, you might try it.

Huh?

Gaston.

Coming up like a storm.

Will you give me a serviette please?

Serviette, certain e moi.

(whistles)

I'd like a serviette.

A serviette?

Certain e moi.

(dishes clattering)

That's enough.

You should be discharged.

(speaking in foreign language)

I can't speak French.

I want the proprietor, where is the proprietor?

I am se proprietor misuer.

Anything I can do for you?

Do you speak French?

We we.

I want this man discharged.

(speaking in foreign language)

Then you're fired.

(speaking in foreign language)

(talking over each other)

(speaking in foreign language)

(speaking in foreign language)

(phone ringing)

Colonel Marshal's office.

Yes sir.

Oh General Hale for you sir.

Yes General, I've just been advised by D2

your plans are on the way over.

Well what the goose is delaying them?

For Colonel Marshal sir.

A just a minute General, here's something now.

Spring time of love.

I'm very sorry General, yes sir,

it is something else.

Oh hangin' all, I can't hang on this phone all day.

You get those plans for me.

And remember I am holding you strictly accountable for them.

Yes sir.

Colonel Marshal sir.

A just a minute General, here's another message.

Oh get those plans and get 'em quick.

Before you give it to me, smell it.

Tobacco.

Here they are at last.

Get General Hale on the phone

and tell him I'm sending them through.

And who would be able to carry them sir?

Lieutenant James Reed.

Locate my daughter and you'll find him.

Order an escort to prepare to leave at once.

Yes sir.

Lieutenant Reed sir.

You sent for me sir.

Yes Lieutenant, I've got a job for you.

This has to go to General Hale

as fast as a man can carry it.

General Hale sir?

But he's at the front.

You'll have a car and the best driver available.

Well I'm on leave sir.

This is no detail for a tin soldier Reed.

Perhaps I've made a mistake.

No mistake as far as I'm concerned sir.

What are the orders?

You will leave immediately,

Captain Jones will attend to the details of your escort.

Yes sir.

Hello big boy.

What's on your mind?

I came to say goodbye to Eileen.

Well if you're wise, you'll say goodbye to mom first.

Say why did pops send for you?

Oh he gave me some very important papers

to deliver to General Hale at the front.

Oh yeah, well that's sorta dangerous ain't it?

Well it's not exactly a health resort.

And if you deliver 'em, it'll make you a hero?

Oh yes, a great big hero.

Ya know Jim I like you.

You have such an open faith.

Thanks, I think you'll be very charming when you grow up.

Oh you don't know the half of it.

You're pretty clever aren't you?

Sure I'm clever, say,

maybe you're my big romance.

What's that?

Well I mean, uh,

is it against army regulations

for a Colonel's daughter to get a yearn for a Lieutenant?

What are you talking about?

Oh Jimbo,

(speaking in foreign language)

They are so snappy, so handsome.

Me like me big boy.

Say what are you tryin' to do, flirt with me?

Sure I'm tryin' to flirt with ya.

Well look, I tell ya what you do,

you meet me here.

Yeah.

In about ten years.

Hello.

Hi there babe.

Did you get that perfume?

I'll say I did.

And it is good?

Is it good, boy it's golden.

But I got something much more exciting than perfume.

What is that?

Papers, important ones.

I stole 'em from Jim.

Does Jim know this?

Certainly not.

But I've got to get these papers started to the front

before he finds out they're gone.

And you think you can do it?

Sure, if you'll help me.

Now listen, my boyfriend will do anything I tell him to.

But his buddy is a hard nut, got me?

The buddy with the goggles, he is for me.

Great.

Now you work on him, and we'll get 'em

both back to the front

and these papers go with them.

I will convince Gilbert.

And I will convince Tommy.

Somebody paging me?

My angel.

My sugar.

My goodness.

Are you two at it again?

Oh re garde, never was I so glad to behold anyone.

There's a catch in this somewhere,

they're too glad to see us.

Annette isn't, she loves me.

Misuer, you have the chance to do two ladies

a great favor.

Uh oh, here it comes.

And at the same time, do something grand for your country.

Mmm hmm, I don't like the way they're leading up to this.

Uh what will you girls have?

Oh it is nothing.

Oh tis nothing.

Well we can handle it.

All you have to do is deliver this to General Hale.

Now why didn't you say so in the first place?

You see we're great fans of General Hale.

And his partner.

His partner?

Yeah, you don't mean to tell me

that you've never heard of Hale and Hockey?

(laughing)

Oh yes yes.

We'd love to see dear old Hale again.

Where abouts in Paris is he?

Ah General Hale is at the front.

Oh he's at the front?

Oh he's at the front.

Hmm, it must be some other Hale.

Yes well, so long girls.

We'll see ya around.

Oh you're not gonna back out?

Back out, no, I'm gonna walk right out face forward.

You see,

our schedule is so filled up for the day.

Oh but this will make you a great big hero.

Yeah, it'll probably make me the unknown soldier.

Wait a minute Gilbert.

Let's do it.

I wanna be a hero, for Annette.

You see, he wants to do something great for his country.

He aspire, do you not?

Ma'am?

You aspire.

Yeah little under hand.

Ah.

Aw Tommy, you'll do it won't ya?

Sure I will.

But I want Gilbert to go with me.

You and Tommy go in there,

so I can persuade Gilbert to be a hero too.

Ha ha, you might but, it will be difficult

in broad daylight.

You're not gonna disappoint me are ya?

Not for anything in the world sweetheart.

If you take these papers to General Hale,

maybe dad 'll forgive ya for being AWOl.

Gee I'm ashamed a myself.

Ya know I'm an awful sap.

But since I met you, everything has changed.

I wanna be what you want me to be.

My hero.

First you must tell me all about yourself.

Well I'm afraid that would take a long time, a long time.

For instance, I spent all last summer

shooting tigers in Africa.

But misuer, there are no tigers in Africa.

I know it, I killed 'em all.

(laughing)

Come sit over here.

Yes, yes, let's, let's.

Hi ho.

Ya know they laughed at me when I sat down.

But when I begin to play.

(laughing)

my goodness, what well developed arms you have.

Yes, you see I play a lot of tennis.

Yes.

You dance a lot too don't ya?

Oh you bad boy.

Olga, I bet you dance exactly like a heifer.

What?

Zephyr, zephyr.

(laughing)

Well honey, how bout it?

How bout what?

Our,

(clears throat)

how bout you an me get married.

If I marry you, do you think

you will be able to support me?

I was afraid you were gonna ask me that.

Ah Gilbert, you are so fascinating.

Yes I suppose so.

You could be such a great man.

Take Napoleon, he was a great man.

Yeah but he's a bust now.

(laughing)

Gilbert, you come from fighting stock, do you not?

Fighting stock, I'll say I do.

Father and mother were always at it,

dog darn you couldn't stop 'em right.

(laughing)

Well I tell you, I come from nice family too.

My father was born in Moscow,

my mother was born in Vladivostok,

and I was born in St. Petersburg.

Is that so.

Funny how ya all got together.

(laughing)

Ah.

Little oh father Roy.

No it's his father.

Look, look he's brought along a hunk a ginger ale.

Ginger ale, that's champagne,

an it has one big kick.

Yeah, is that so?

Stick around son, stick around.

You know Gilbert, when I bring champagne,

I never know what I am doing.

Now wait a minute, let's get this thing straight.

Do you mean to tell me when you drink this stuff

you never know what you're doing?

Not a thing.

I won't need you anymore son,

I won't need you anymore.

(laughing)

By the way Olga, where did you say you were from?

St. Petersburg.

St. Petersburg.

Now that is a coincidence.

You know a thing like that wouldn't happen again

in a million years, I tell you it's a small world after all.

Are you from St. Petersburg too?

No I'm from Seattle.

(laughing)

Oh Gilbert, I beginning to feel good.

Yeah but you,

you still know what you're doin' don't ya?

Oh yes, mm hmm.

Well have another drink huh?

(laughing)

Hey how bout little kiss.

No no no,

the Colonel of your regiment is going to stop

all swooning and kissing.

Well he ought to, he's gettin'

too old for that sorta stuff.

(laughing)

I talk to him all the time huh.

Oh Gilbert, I could love a man like you.

If you would only do something.

Well how can I do anything?

You kinda got me hog tied.

(laughing)

Something big.

I mean something heroic,

something like

(speaking in foreign language)

Oh that, anytime you say baby.

Anytime you say.

You will go to General Hale for me?

I'll go to Hale for you anytime baby, anytime.

Oh I knew you would deliver the papers.

What's that?

You're going to take the papers to the front.

Honey you lied to me about that champagne,

you know what you were doin'.

Now I know that you love me.

Oh love ya, honey I'm mad about ya.

I'm mad about ya.

To me, you're a beautiful spite,

sprite, sprite, sprite.

Oh why do I ever vent like this?

Why do I ever vent.

(playful music)

You know that I haven't effervesced like this in years?

What have you done to me boy, what have you done to me?

♫ I've been a part foiled all of my life

♫ But you have punctured my shell

♫ I have never had a wife

♫ For married life is swell

♫ You love ceasing your life like sweet perfume

♫ In the springtime bursting into bloom ♫

(singing in foreign language)

Hey now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

(singing in foreign language)

Do I affect you that way honey?

(singing in foreign language)

Mama.

Oh now wait a minute.

(singing in a foreign language)

Mama.

(singing in a foreign language)

Now look what you're doin' to me.

(singing in a foreign language)

Oh wait a minute now, wait a minute.

(singing in a foreign language)

Oh war is war, war is war.

(singing in a foreign language)

(playful music)

(engine running)

Wait a minute Tommy, I'm goin' with ya.

Have ya got the papers?

I got 'em right here Gilbert.

Then come, let's proceed to the front.

Ah you are gallant, you are brave, you are everything.

You just about summed it all up, honey,

you summed it all up.

Oh Tommy, you must be careful.

Don't worry about me baby, goodbye.

And believe me honey, nothin's gonna stop us

from takin' those papers to General Hale.

Farewell, farewell, you have no idea

how I'm gonna miss ya honey.

(phone ringing)

Hello.

Sir.

Oh yes sir, yes sir.

General Hale for you sir.

Tenth time today.

Yes General, yes General.

Yes General, darn it I'm a yes man.

Positively General, those papers are on the way to you now.

There's something you ought to know.

May we see you privately?

No.

This office is for army business, not for family disputes.

Well, what have you got to say, go ahead, debrief.

Will debrief.

Annette stole the papers you gave Jim

to take to General Hale.

What?

What did you do with them?

Don't worry dad, they'll get to General Hale.

I gave 'em to two a the most wonderful boys in the world.

Gilbert Simkins and Tommy Turner.

What you gave them to scallywags

I've been chasing for ten days?

Why, will you tell me why?

Cause I'm in love with Tommy Turner.

Dear gods and great Scott.

And if he gets those papers to General Hale

you'll forgive him, an then he can marry me.

Forgive him, I'll have him shot at sunrise.

At first the boys didn't wanna do it

but your girlfriend Olga helped me to coax them.

Well very obliging.

What a family, what a family.

Well honest pop, I didn't mean any harm.

Captain Jones.

(shouting from a distance)

Captain Jones.

Yes sir.

Those two men Gilbert Simkins and Tommy Turner

have the General's papers.

Cover every road leading to the front.

You must get those men.

Send ten details, twenty details.

Five details, but get those men.

Yes sir.

(explosions)

Tommy are you still hangin' on to them papers?

I'm guardin' those papers with my life.

Then on to Hale brother, on to Hale.

Here we go Gilbert.

(engines running)

(explosions)

Horned rimmed glasses and curly hair.

They've got important instructions from headquarters.

General Hale says we've got to get 'em.

(explosions)

Where can we find General Hale sir?

General Hale is farther front.

How do we get to the front line sir?

The only way is through that communicator transfer.

What do you want to see General Hale about?

We have important papers for him sir.

You're Simkins and Turner?

Oh Captain, how'd ya guess?

(explosions)

The communicating trench has just been blown sir.

They can't get through now Captain.

Somebody 'll have to crawl through that barrage.

I can't order a man to go through that inferno.

Gimme those papers.

I'll call for volunteers.

Men,

I have some very important papers

that must reach General Hale at once.

Communication to the front line trenches is cut off.

I want a volunteer for this dangerous job.

Say no more Captain, say no more.

(explosions)

Simkins,

you're made of the right stuff.

It's going to take a lot of guts to get through there.

I understand exactly Captain,

an I've got just the man for ya.

(explosions)

Private Turner sir, the nerviest man in the whole army.

Ah, Private Turner, here are the papers.

Good luck.

The best way over is through that cut there.

Yes sir.

(explosions)

Hey wait a minute Tommy.

Gee kid I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to get ya into this.

Aw gee Gilbert, that's alright.

Yeah but,

you know if somethin's liable to go wrong out there.

Aw.

You know, ya might not come back.

Oh gee.

Now wait a minute.

I'll get it.

No,

I'll come back all right.

It will be okay.

But if I don't,

you'll tell Annette, won't ya?

Yeah I'll tell her.

(explosions)

Tommy.

Hey where you goin'?

Out there, think they got him.

But man, you can't go out there now.

They'll blow you down before you got ten feet.

That's alright buddy.

He needs me an I'm goin' for him.

(explosions)

Where are ya kid, where are ya Tommy?

Here I am Gilbert.

Gee Tommy, how is it kid, did they get ya?

I don't know.

It's my back.

I don't seem to feel a thing.

(explosions)

Here kid.

Take a drink a this.

That better now Tommy?

Do ya feel better now kid?

Here, do ya feel that Tommy?

I don't feel a thing.

Wait a minute Tommy.

(explosions)

Hey.

(explosions)

(talking over each other)

The signing of the officers to stave my reputation

and stand in as an officer.

Is not only save the world for democracy,

but is to save me from my family.

And don't forget,

if I ever lay my hands on those two dough boys.

I'll deliver them to you piece by piece.

Make way.

You who, surprise.

Any phone calls?

How dare you sir.

What do you mean by this?

What did you do with that message for General Hale?

Why,

(clears throat)

we decided not to deliver it.

Oh you did ey?

What did you do with it?

We opened it up an read it.

What?

It's an old Indian custom Colonel,

an old Indian custom.

In case we lost it, we could deliver it by word of mouth.

Ha, ya know I know every word by heart.

You'll be shot at sunrise.

Ha ha, when you know what we know,

you'll be half shot at sunrise.

How dare ya, what are you doin?

(stammering)

Breathe now, whew.

You'll get a parallel stroke.

Colonel, I want to ask you,

did you really want this message delivered?

To General Hale?

(clears throat)

Come with me in my office.

I want to speak with you privately.

You

you, say you memorized this paper?

Every darn word.

What did it say?

My dear snuggle puff.

That's enough.

That's enough.

Well if it isn't enough, we know some more.

Do you know what I could do to you for this?

(laughing)

What are you laughing at?

I was just thinking, what we could do to you for this.

Colonel, what I wanna know is,

why did you treat little Olga so mean?

You know I was never so-

motormen glove.

General Hale's plans.

Yeah.

Where did you get them?

I found 'em right here on my desk.

What does this mean?

It means that you sent Olga's note to the General

instead a the plans.

Oh that Olga, I'll have her neck.

No Colonel, I'll have that.

(laughing)

There ya go again, that's the funniest thing ever.

(laughing)

You, something's got to be done about this.

Yes yes.

It seems as though, Armistice has been declared for

everybody but you.

(laughing)

What, what, what, what?

(background chatter)

Quite a war isn't it, quite a war.

You sent for Lieutenant Reed sir?

Oh uh, certainly we sent for Lieutenant Reed,

didn't we Colonel?

Well, well, yes uh yes of course.

The Colonel wants you two kids to get married right away.

Don't we Colonel.

(stammering)

Quite so, quite so, quite so.

Good heavens, the old man's gone crazy.

My darling snuggle puff.

Where were you last night?

I waited for you for hours.

Have you forgotten your Olga?

Colonel, there's nothing to it,

we men have got to stick together.

Tommy, gee I'm glad you're back.

So am I.

And the Colonel wants us to be married right away.

Yeah me too.

(playful music)