All language subtitles for Monk_S07E14_Mr. Monk and the Bully.English (CC)

[quirky music playing]

[Natalie] Right.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Oh, that's great.

No, I'm sure he'll be glad to see you.

Okay, so what's the cross street?

Yes, I do know where that is.

It's right across
from the Wells Fargo building.

Great, one o'clock. We'll see you there.

No, thank you.

Bye.

Who was that?

Remember how we were talking about karma?

No, I don't.

Remember when I said
if you put good energy out into the world

good things will come back?

Well, it worked.

That was a real client with a real job.

The drought is over.

-Great, great. So what's the case?
-[sighs]

Uh, he wouldn't say.
We're meeting him tomorrow.

His name is Roderick Brody.

Wow.

-I used to know someone--
-No, no, that's the guy.

He said you went to school with him.

Roderick Brody?

Uh, yeah, he said you were old friends.

[water running]

-[hinge squeaks]
-[door slams shut]

Adrian, what's happening?

Hello, Roderick.

Washing your hands again, huh?

What is this, the, uh, tenth time today?

What a freak.

You know, his hands are clean,
but his hair looks a little dirty.

-What do you think?
-Yeah.

And… is that watch right?

Oh, man, it's 2:25.

Swirly time.

No, not swirly time. Not again.

Actually, that watch is two minutes fast.

Go grab the door.

Roderick, wait, wait, wait!

How about this?

I'll give you my bike for keeps

and all my lunch money every day and…

I'll do your homework for the whole year.

Okay. It's a deal.

[sharp exhale]

But first, swirly time.

[tense music playing]

[muffled yelling]

My hand hurts.

Mr. Monk, where is your oven mitt?

Here.

Here. Come here, come here, come--

[Monk] Ah.

You okay?

What were you doing?

[suspenseful music playing]

He's back.

["It's a Jungle Out There"
by Randy Newman playing]

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care ♪

♪ Well, I do ♪

♪ Hey, who's in charge here? ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ You know what's in
The water that you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do
And it's amazing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy
'Cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention
You'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention
Or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just kill you ♪

♪ I could be wrong now ♪

♪ But I don't think so ♪

♪ 'Cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

[quirky music playing]

[Monk] Thank you again
for squeezing me in.

Oh, I'm happy to do it, Adrian.

I-- just something
I still don't understand.

We already had
an appointment for three o'clock.

Yeah, three o'clock is too late.

You remember Roderick Brody?

Yes, tha-- that's the bully--
uh, from middle school

who used to, you know-- in the lavatory.

Swirlies. They're called swirlies.

Well-- he called… yesterday.

I'm supposed to meet
with him this afternoon.

Oh, what does he want?

What do you think he wants?
He wants to pick up where he left off.

Adrian… I don't think a 50-year-old man

is calling you back
after all this time just to…

to give you another swirly.

You don't, huh?

Uh, no, I don't.

Okay, look.

Roderick Brody changed my life.

Maybe as much as Trudy did.

He ruined everything.

It was childhood's end really.

You know, I had a bully in school too.

He would wait for me every morning

outside the bicycle rack--

Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt.

You went to your father for advice

and he told you
to face up to the bully and…

and… the bully backed down.

Mmm, yes, more or less, yes.

What a wonderful anecdote.

It'll give me something
to think about at one o'clock

when my head is in the man's toilet.

Why don't you just cancel?

Just say you're busy.

Natalie won't let me!

Uh-- it's the first paying customer
we've had in three weeks, look…

What I need is a note… okay?

A note from you.

Something I can show Natalie

to get me out of this.

Adrian, I'm not gonna write you a note.

You don't have to write it.

It's already written.

All you have to do…

is sign it.

Adrian, this isn't gym class.

Now you've been talking
about this Roderick Brody

since the first session, hmm?

And as I recall, you're still
having nightmares about him.

I think this meeting today is a gift.

It's an opportunity.

Maybe you're right. Let's sign the note.

It's an opportunity to confront

your deepest and most troubling fears.

To finally resolve them.

Put them all behind you.

Not many people get this chance.

I see your point.

-I never looked at it like that.
-Hmm.

Can I have the note back?

Sure.

Wait a…

You're not planning to forge
my signature, huh?

-[laughs]
-Huh?

-No.
-Ah.

No. [chuckles]

-All right.
-No, no.

[quirky suspenseful music playing]

[Monk sighs] God.

Let's just hear what he has to say.

If you're not comfortable,
we'll leave. I promise.

-Really?
-Yeah.

I'm not comfortable.

Come on.

Not comfortable.

Mr. Monk, we haven't even said hello.

Wait. Wait.

[breathes deeply] Okay-- wait!

-[doorbell rings]
-Okay, wait-- wait.

What is that?

Is that a shower cap?

Sometimes he'd let me wear one.

Mr. Monk, I don't think
we're gonna be needing that.

Adrian Monk?

And you must be Natalie.

Marilyn Brody.

Oh, Roderick is
so looking forward to this.

I'm sure he is.

-Come in. Please.
-[Natalie] Thank you.

Wow. What a beautiful home.

Oh, thank you. You are very sweet.

Really, it's a work in progress.

We're redoing all the bathrooms upstairs.

Which reminds me--
I need to call the contractor.

We're having a party in three weeks.

Did you get married here?

Yes, there was
no reason to rent a big hall.

I don't have much-- family. I was adopted.

-Oh.
-Just one aunt in Texas.

She didn't even make it.

Well, I had a small wedding too.

-I think they're the best.
-Yeah.

[mumbles] He's obviously busy, so…

it's too bad we missed him,
but we should go, Natalie.

-We missed him.
-No, no, no. No, you can't go.

He's right upstairs.

I-- I'll tell him you're here.

-It was so nice to meet you.
-You too.

She seems nice.

How bad could her husband be?

It doesn't always work like that.

Eva Braun took in stray puppies,
for God's sake.

At least we know his checks won't bounce.

Look at that thing.

That is hideous.

[toilet flushes]

God.

He's warming up.

-Shower cap, give me the shower cap.
-No.

Shower cap! Give it.

-You don't need it.
-Give it.

Phil, shut up and listen, okay?

It's not a complicated thing.

It's not his money. It's my money.

You tell him this.

Screwing with me on this
is a career decision.

He'll get the message.

Adrian Monk! Look at you.

You haven't changed at all.

Hello, Roderick.

Oh, you still got that germ thing?

[chuckles] He was
always afraid of touching people.

-Natalie Teeger, designated hand-shaker.
-Hi.

We were just admiring your beautiful home.

Yeah, gets the job done.

Yeah, and-- if you don't mind my asking,

is-- is this an original?

Well, it better be, what I paid for it.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Thanks, yeah.

Marilyn picked it up on our honeymoon.

-It's porcelain.
-Oh.

I don't gotta tell you about porcelain,

do I, swirly?

It was a little nickname
we had for him back in the day.

[laughs awkwardly]

Remember those shenanigans

in the boys' room?

Good times.

I got a study back here.

We can, uh, talk in private?

[whispering] Shenanigans.

[suspenseful music playing]

[sighs] Want a drink?

No?

Well, I got plenty here
if you change your mind.

Listen, Adrian, I gotta be honest.

I've heard stories.

I heard you went a little… crazy
since we graduated.

Now, I just need to know, is it…

funny crazy or sad crazy?

-Funny crazy.
-Sad crazy.

Okay.

Excuse me.

There's something that I have to say.

"Roderick…

Brody,

you stole something from me."

"You stole my childhood."

"The boy that you tormented

has grown…

into a broken man."

"I am now damaged goods."

"I will never recover from the wounds

that you inflicted on me."

"I will never forget you."

"And I will never forgive you."

So it's sad crazy.

No, I think Mr. Monk is
talking about what you…

did to him in the seventh grade.

You tortured him.

Kids. What are you gonna do?

Let's have a seat, huh?

I really appreciate your coming, Adrian.

[sighs] I know Marilyn thinks this is
about some union business at the landfill,

but the fact is,

this is a personal matter.

Uh-huh.

I need your help, Adrian.

I hear you're a big shot detective now.

No surprise there.

I always knew you had it upstairs.

This is hard for me.

It's probably hard for any guy.

I think Marilyn's been stepping out.

-Really?
-Yeah, I didn't believe it either.

Me and Marilyn,
we've always been, you know…

rock solid.

At least that's what I thought.

Last week she told me
she was going out of town

with some girlfriends,

but she never left.

I saw her.

Well, where was this? Hm.

Lafayette Square two days ago.

It was just a… random thing.

I was… in a cab.

There was a red light.

And there she was,

crossing the street.

She was… meeting someone.

I could tell the way she was walking.

The way she was dressed.

It's been eating me up.

I gotta know where was she going.

It's a good question.

Mr. Brody, I'm sorry.

We don't take on matrimonial cases.

-We could give you the name of a private--
-Uh, hold on, Natalie.

I've known Rod… for years.

Well…

he's one of my…

oldest friends.

I think we can make an exception.

I'll take the case.

[Natalie] What was that about?

She's cheating on him.

We don't know that.

Of course we do.

It has to be true. It's always true.

And I get to tell him, Natalie.

This is gonna kill him!

Wait, Mr. Monk,
you can't be enjoying this.

I am loving it.

Look, it's a beautiful day.
I think the sun's coming out!

Oh, my God.

This is better than a swirly.

I win, do you understand?

After 40 years, I win.

[quirky music playing]

Okay, he said he lost track of her…

right here.

So which way did she go?

That way.

I don't think so.

She was wearing high heels.

That's a cobblestone street

and it's all uphill.

So west?

No, there's nothing
between here and the pier.

All right, well,
that leaves north or south.

That way.

Why that way?

I feel lucky!

Isn't this a great case?

Isn't this the best case ever?

I've never seen you like this.

I never knew revenge could be so sweet.

And what makes it even sweeter?

Give up?

Roderick Brody is paying for it.

He is footing the bill
for his own comeuppance,

and that is the best kind
of comeuppance there is.

Excuse me, kind sir.

Have you seen this woman?

She's cheating on a guy

who used to put my head in a toilet bowl.

Isn't that great?

Mr. Monk,
don't you feel bad even a little?

I mean if you're right,

this could destroy their marriage.

You're the one
who's always talking about karma.

What goes around comes around.

Isn't that what you said?

That isn't what I meant.

Of course it is.

Of course it is.

Ooh, that looks promising.

Come on.

[quirky music playing]

Hi, excuse me.

[Monk] Hi, um…

we're looking for this woman.

You a cop?

No. No, no, no. Just-- just an old friend.

Haven't seen her.

Okay.

Maybe General Washington

can refresh your memory.

Is that a dollar?

Okay, I get it.

Who knows? Maybe there are…

two General Washingtons.

Where are you going?

Where's he going?

Got-- got to admire the guy.

He's incorruptible.

Hey.

She's right over there.

[suspenseful music playing]

-Oh, my-- Oh, my God. God, it's true.
-Oh, my God.

This… is going to kill him.

He's actually kinda cute.

[Monk] Even better.

All right, I get to tell him, right?

That's the deal.

Oh, I can't wait to see his face.

Mr. Monk.

What is that?

Is that your camera?
Where did you get that?

It was a birthday gift.

From who? Thomas Edison?

It was from my nana.

Wait, is there actual film in it?

Of course there's film in it.

I have three pictures left.

Okay, there's not enough light,

so…

so…

Is that a flash cube?

[whispering] Bingo.

Hold this. Hold it.

Okay, okay.

[Natalie] What are you doing?

It's an old private eye trick. Hold that.

I'm gonna use it… as a mirror.

Ah-pah… turn it.

Hurry up. Take the picture.

That way's too much.

[Natalie] Take it.

Ow.

You like that spoon, huh?

[whispering] Yes.

Sir, um,

would you mind taking our picture?

Madame, I would be honored.

Oh, thank you.

Here you go.

It's ready to go.

Hey.

I got the same model myself.

[Natalie chuckles]

A gift from my nana.

Okay, sir,
if you wouldn't mind standing right…

there.

Okay, can you see us?

[man] I gotcha.

Okay, if you could stand right there.

Right?

And on the count of three.

One.

Two.

And three.

[Monk] Well… you were right.

[suspenseful music playing]

His name is Douglas Fendle.

Do you know him?

Fendle? No.

Are you sure?

Young, strapping, good-looking guy.

-Virile. You don't know him?
-Mm-mmm.

She met him at a bar on Vinton Street,

had a couple of drinks, and…
he left first.

Yeah, the virile guy left first, and…

we followed him to the Avalon Hotel

on Jackson Place.

Roderick, I'm really sorry.

Yeah, we're really, really sorry.

I don't see anything.

-You know, this is so dark.
-Yeah…

Well, that film expired
about 35, 40 years ago, but…

that's her.

If you wanna cry, go ahead.

We-- We understand.

I can't see anything.
This doesn't prove anything.

Yeah, but…
you know it's her. [chuckles]

Right? Because you saw her on the street

and that's why you hired us.

You know, to tell you the truth,
I'm not so sure about that anymore.

The woman I saw--
maybe she wasn't Marilyn, you know.

My eyes aren't so great.

I-- I could've been wrong.

No, no, no. You-- You weren't wrong.

It was her.

I'm just, uh, I'm not convinced.

I need some real proof.

You know, last night was our anniversary

and Marilyn surprised me.

She bought us tickets.

We're going on a cruise.

Like a second honeymoon thing.

I-- I think we're in a good place.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
you're in a bad place.

You're in heartbreak hotel.

Look at the next one.

Is that a… spoon?

Ye-- yeah, look closer.

See the reflection?

Yeah. See, that's them.

That's your wife.

That's your beloved wife.

This is killing you.

[Roderick] I don't see it.

Yeah, it's eating you up.

You know what? You're probably right.

It-- it-- the bar was dark.

She was across the room.

We probably have the wrong girl.

-Natalie--
-Mr. Monk, we made a mistake.

Shh. Zip it. Zip it.

This is the worst day of your life, right?

Are you crying?

A little bit.

Adrian, I'm still gonna pay you.
If that's what you're worried about.

-Whoa.
-Oh, what? The gun?

Don't worry about that. I got a permit.

We live in uncertain times.

For your troubles.

All right, how about this?

I'll keep digging.

I'll get a better camera.

I'll get a digital computer camera.

So there won't be any doubt.

I appreciate it,
but just forget about it, all right?

It's over.

You're off the clock.

Great.

Great. Great.

You know, it took you long enough.

Did you get it?

Oh, yeah.

-Is it a good one?
-Yeah.

[Monk] Ooh, looks good.

She looks happy with it.

Yes, she does.

-And she's very hard to please--
-Where's the telescope thing?

It has a automatic zoom, so it's built-in.

Built-in? Excellent.

Mr. Monk, it's not heart surgery.

If we leave right away,

we can be at her house by eight o'clock.

We can follow her all day.

Yeah, look, um, Mr. Monk,
I have to tell you something.

I made a decision.

If you wanna keep following Mrs. Brody,

I suppose that's your right.

Although, it really isn't.

But I can't help you anymore.

-Why not?
-I-- I-- I'm just not comfortable.

Her husband fired us.

It's what they call pro bono.

No, pro bono is for lawyers.

This is stalking.

No, this is comeuppance.

Pro bono comeuppance.

No, no, that is just crazy talk.

It's not crazy talk.

Pro bono comeuppance?

It's the craziest talk there is.

You heard what he said.
He wants you to quit.

[sighs]

I wanted him to quit!

I begged him to quit 40 years ago

-in stall number three.
-[cell phone rings]

-Oh, yeah.
-Hello?

Yes, he is right here.

The Avalon?
Sure, we know it. We were just there.

Wait, what's his name?

Oh, my God.

What happened?

[Disher] His name is Douglas J. Fendle.

Or, uh, rather,
it was Douglas J. Fendle.

I guess still is.

But doesn't matter. Let's move on.

Uh, he was 37, unmarried,

from Chicago.

Mr. Fendle was an attorney.

He worked at a small law firm.

Shellman, Reznick, and Link.

Uh… mostly family law, wills, adoptions.

Hey, you okay?

Dynamite.

Yeah, are you gonna, uh,

you know, take a look around?

Yeah, right.

Good. Look, I talked to his boss.

She said he was on vacation.
She didn't even know he was here.

[Monk] Hmm! Interesting.

According to the clerk,

he checked in three days ago.

Kept to himself.

Housekeeping found the body this morning.

Dr. T. puts the time of death

at 8:00 or 9:00 p.m. last night.

He was stabbed three times.

-Ouch!
-Mr. Monk.

There was money still in his wallet,
so it wasn't a robbery.

[chuckling] No. Wasn't a robbery.

Yeah, and…

there was no forced entry.

He let the guy in.

I think he knew him.

[laughing] I think he did too!

-[Natalie] Excuse me.
-I think you're right.

Can I talk to you for a minute, please?

Do you think Roderick Brody did this?

Well, he said he didn't believe us.

Apparently he reconsidered.

Well, that's horrible. A man is dead.

Yeah, I know.

And that's a murder in the first degree.

And you know what that means?

-Prison swirlies.
-[sighs]

Natalie! Prison swir--

You don't even wanna
know about prison swirlies.

They're not even
technically real swirlies.

You were right about karma.

-It is fantastic.
-No, Mr. Monk.

-Monk, Natalie, thanks for coming.
-[Monk] Ah--

I was downstairs
doing a little dumpster diving.

Can't find the murder weapon.

There's a steak knife missing

from that service tray.

I guess he took it with him.

So, what do you--

What do you think?

[quirky suspenseful music playing]

You okay?

[chuckles]

Are you happy?

I love my work. Is that a crime?

No.

[Disher] I think they knew the guy.

Know what?

What? You know this guy?

-Mm, not…
-Don't-- don't--

-…technically.
-Don't know him.

-Never met him face-to-face.
-Never formally introduced.

-Just…
-Sort of.

-We…
-We've been following him.

Right.

You were following him?

I wonder why.

Well… he was seeing a woman,

a married woman, and…

we were following her.

You were following the woman.

I wonder why.

Her husband hired us.

Until you hear different, I wonder why.

What? What are you doing?
You-- You're doing divorce work now?

No, he was just doing a favor.

He was an old friend of Mr. Monk's.

I wouldn't exactly say he was a friend,

was more of an acquaintance actually.

He beat me up every week for three years.

And that would explain
the stupid grin on your face.

You think you're getting even.

I know I'm getting even.

So your pal, you--
you told him about the affair,

and you told him
that Fendle was gonna be here.

Well, I think your pal just
made the top of my to-do list.

-What's his name?
-Actually we can't tell you that.

Technically, uh, he's a client

so it's privileged information.

We could contact
a lawyer or a third party--

Roderick Brody.

23 Orchard Circle.

No. B-R-O. That looks like an "A."

B-R-O-D-Y.

Roderick Brody.

Well, let's go talk to him.

[whispering] Prison swirlies!

You didn't have to drag me down here.

I could've talked to you at my office.

Well, I'm more comfortable here.

I got my own coffee mug.
I got the AC set just the way I like it.

Yeah, well, can I at least call my wife?

We've already called her.

She's on her way.

So let's start at the beginning,
you knew Mr. Monk from the neighborhood.

You hired him to follow your wife.

He told you about Mr. Fendle.

Told you about Fendle at the hotel.

[Roderick] Yeah, but it wasn't my wife.

The woman you saw in that bar.

It wasn't Marilyn.

Couldn't have been.

I told you about your wife and Mr. Fendle

and then two hours later, Fendle was dead.

It looks pretty bad, Roddy.

Um, skipping ahead.

Eight o'clock last night?

I told you. I was home… with Marilyn.

We rented a movie.

What's the matter, Roddy?
You look a little flushed.

Get it?

No.

Neither do I.

Flushed?

He gets it. Trust me.

He gets it.

Okay, um, Monk,

we'll take it from here, okay? Thank you.

I bet the room is just swirling

around you right now, isn't it?

It's swirling all around.

Your whole life is
about to go down the drain.

Wait, I have more.

Your thoughts are overflowing--

Just wait for Marilyn.

When she gets here she'll tell you.

We were together all night.

I never left her side.

I'm sorry, baby.

Oh, thank God.

Marilyn,

you gotta tell these guys
about what we did last night.

I know, I know--

what you want me to say, but I--

I can't lie for you after what you did.

What?

The truth is that I…

I was in love with Doug Fendle.

Last night, I told Roderick the truth.

I-- tried to.

-What are you talking about, Marilyn?
-Mr. Brody, let her talk.

What happened?

[Marilyn] He got furious.

He was screaming,
he said he was gonna kill Doug,

and then… he left.

-Wh-- what are you doing--
-Hey, Mr. Brody!

What time was this?

Um, 7:30?

He left for about,
I don't know, two hours,

and when he came back…

he was… bloody.

-Marilyn!
-Mr. Brody.

-This is ridiculous!
-Take him down.

I don't know why she's saying this.

-Sit down!
-What are you doing?

It's okay. Go on.

When I came downstairs,

Roderick was by the fireplace.

He was burning his clothes.

That is totally insane!

-She's lying to you!
-Sit down.

He gave me this.

Told me to get rid of it.

[quirky suspenseful music playing]

I'm going to… step outside for a moment.

A little fresh air.

[birds singing]

Mr. Monk… there you are.

-What are you doing?
-Shh.

Listen. You hear that?

Birds. They're singing.

Is that a lark? Yeah?

Uh, I don't know.

You know how I feel?

Liberated.

I-- I should've confronted
that S.O. you-know-what

years ago.

"B."

I still can't believe I won.

Yeah, Mr. Monk, I don't think
anybody really won anything.

You're right, of course. You're right.

Except me.

[laughing] I won big time.

-Are you gonna start singing?
-[laughing] I could!

I almost could. You know
what I am gonna do though?

I'm gonna do a cartwheel.

I'm gonna do a cartwheel right here.

You might wanna stand back.

It's my first cartwheel.

That's perfect.

Plenty of room there. Great.

I'm gonna do it right here.

[quirky music playing]

What am I doing?

A man's… been killed, right?

A man was stabbed to death.

Yeah, that's what I've been saying.

Uh-- this is no time for cartwheels.

Why don't I listen to you?

I don't know.

On the other hand,

I've been waiting 40 years for this.

I mean, this is a moment to savor.

It may never happen again.

I'm doing the cartwheel.

I am doing it.

I can't do it. It's ghoulish!

I mean, one man dead,
another man going to jail.

Am I a ghoul?

No, Mr. Monk. You're not a ghoul.

What is a ghoul?

I don't know.

I don't care!

That is my arch enemy!

One cartwheel. I gotta do it.

I can't do it.

-Natalie, do the cartwheel.
-What?

Come on, it's a good compromise.

Cartwheel by proxy.

And don't forget to say "wee."

-Gotta say "wee!"
-Yeah, no.

Thank you.

[indistinct chatter]

[Monk] Oh, no.

-Oh, no.
-What is it? What happened?

Brody…

he had a gun.

Mr. Monk, and, um…

I'm sorry, I'm so bad with names.

-Natalie.
-Natalie.

Yeah.

Sorry to bother you.

Something's come up.

Honestly, this--

this isn't a great time for me.
I'm in the middle of some business.

-It'll just take a minute.
-Okay.

I'll be right with you.

Mrs. Brody, we're all set here.

It'll take me a couple days
to open the new account.

Thank you so much for helping out, Eric.

Especially on such short notice.

It's your money too, Marilyn.

I'll have someone from the
Grand Cayman branch call you, okay?

Afternoon.

Well… it certainly… does seem

that Roderick could be going to prison
for quite some time.

Yeah.

I-- I never should've
told him about Douglas.

Well, I…

I knew what he was capable of and…

Anyway. [scoffs]

I'm sorry, Mr. Monk.

Can I help you with something?

You had a question.

Yes, right.

You mentioned that last night

your husband was upset.

He stormed out of the house.

That's right.

What car was he driving?

What car? Uh, his car.

Right, so…

here's my problem, Mrs. Brody.

Your husband keeps a handgun
in his glove compartment.

I saw it.

So why a steak knife?

How did he even know the steak knife

would be in the hotel room?

Maybe he took the handgun with him

and then realized at the last moment

it was… too loud?

He changed his mind.

Maybe. Maybe.

I'm-- I'm so sorry
I can't be more helpful, Mr. Monk.

-[sighs]
-Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.

My aunt is flying in tomorrow.

I just have to take this

one day at a time.

That's the way to do it.
Sorry to bother you.

[ominous music playing]

I have some papers for you to sign.

[woman] Where's my husband?

Oh, you've got other things
to worry about.

Believe me.

You know, if you don't want to sign them,
you don't have to.

My signature. Close enough.

[laughs]

A cop named Monk stopped by today.

He was smart. Too smart.

We are gonna have
to accelerate our schedule.

Which is too bad, because…

we were just getting to know each other.

It's fun having a sister, isn't it?

[door opens]

Adrian.

You okay?

Am I okay?

I don't know.

I guess I'm everything.

Angry.

Confused.

Scared.

I-- I can't get my head around this.

You think you need a lawyer?

Oh, I got ten lawyers.

Just… I never thought
I'd need 'em for this.

Well, I… have some news.

Oh, yeah?

[sighs] I've decided to help you.

I thought you were helping me.

Well, I…

I've decided to really help you.

Until now I've sort of…

been faking it.

The truth is I was hoping

that your wife was cheating on you,

and I was sort of

glad when you got arrested.

You were glad?

Well… figured…

it was payback.

For what?

For what?

For-- For what?

-Yeah.
-For seventh grade!

For ruining my life!

Weren't-- Weren't you listening?

Are you… talking about the swirlies?

Yes!

Ye-- Yes.

Yes. Yes.

You…

You used to terrorize me.

Hey, you gave as good as you got.

What are you talking about?

You didn't just roll over
like a lot of those kids.

I remember. You called me names.
You hurt my feelings.

And-- And you splashed me.

-I splashed you?
-Yeah!

But I don't dwell on it.

What am I gonna do?
Hold a grudge for 30 years?

-I figure we're even.
-I don't believe this.

[spluttering] I-- I-- I-- I ca-- I--

I-- I cannot believe this.

You mean, you never even…

Do you have any idea…

[splutters]

[hesitates]

Okay, all right. [babbling]

Let's move on.

Okay, let's just…

talk about your wife.

Okay.

I think she might've been lying
about last night.

Oh, I know she's lying.

I just can't figure out why.

I've been sitting here
for two hours wrecking my brain.

Wracking your brain.

Here's what I know, okay?

I know I didn't do it.

And I know she didn't do it
'cause I was with her all night.

Where did she get…

the knife?

I don't know. Where did she get the knife?

I can't figure it.

Something's going on here, but I…

Are you okay?

[whispering] That's me.

Yeah.

It's a mirror.

Oh, my God.

She did it.

Who did what?

Marilyn.

Your wife.

Last night she was at the hotel.

She killed Doug Fendle.

I feel like I'm in eighth grade
geometry class here. I don't understand.

I told you, I was with her.

Was she with me or was she at the hotel?

Yes.

What…

And no.

She was with you,

and she was at the hotel.

She was both.

Twins.

Hey, sis.

How you feeling?

Those are some pretty strong tranquilizers

I gave you.

You know…

I didn't even know I had a sister

until that--

that lawyer Doug Fendle came knocking.

His firm represented our adoption

thirty-five years ago.

Can you believe that?

And now…

you're worth what?

Nine, ten million dollars?

[sighs]

Never even had a savings account.

Doesn't really seem fair, does it? Mm.

[suspenseful music playing]

Monk-- uh, you were right.

She has a twin sister, a Patrice Gesner.

They were adopted by different families

thirty-five years ago in Milwaukee.

Papers were sealed.
They never knew each other.

-I think they're both in there.
-You want to look around?

Not yet. Rodriguez is getting a warrant.

He'll be here soon.

So identical twins, huh?
That's one for the books.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I said twins.

Randy, you always say twins.

You've been depressed.

And you've been drinking.

They're gonna find your body

in the bay near the bridge.

The bay is salt water

so I have to add this.

-How did you know?
-Well--

little things, they began to add up.

When I first met her,

she mentioned her aunt in Texas.

Just one aunt in Texas.
She didn't even make it.

[Monk] She pronounced it "ant."

This morning, she said…

My aunt is flying in tomorrow.

[Monk] And the fingernails.

Two days ago, she was biting them.

This morning they were
long and perfectly manicured.

It's time for your bath, sis.

This might hurt a little.

[whimpers]

I wonder if I'll feel it.

Probably not.

It's not like you felt my pain

for the last 35 years.

[breathes heavily]

Roderick's wife wasn't cheating on him.

The woman he saw last week was her sister.

Yeah, we weren't following Marilyn.

We were following her twin.

[Monk] This morning while
we were all at the police station,

the sister was here.

She was switching places.

She was gonna kill Roderick too

to get him out of the way

until we arrested him.

We just made her job easier.

Arrested?

I'll be right there.

Okay, why did she kill Fendle?

Fendle was her partner in all this.

But she didn't wanna cut him in.

There was a banker here this morning.

She's been moving
Roderick's money to offshore accounts.

The funny thing is,

you probably don't even know my name.

It's Patrice.

I think she's planning to kill Marilyn
and then disappear.

Patrice, I beg you.

I'm begging you. No! Please, no!

No!

[suspenseful music playing]

It could be going down right now.

Where the heck is the warrant?

[groaning, grunting]

Ah!

Help!

-What was that?
-[Marilyn] Help!

Probable cause!

[Marilyn] Help!

Help! Somebody help!

Help!

No!

No!

No!

[groaning, grunting]

Step away from her now!

-Now!
-Okay, okay, okay.

[groaning]

[Disher] It's okay. It's okay.

[coughs]

How do we tell 'em apart?

[coughs]

-Say "aunt."
-[Marilyn coughs]

Randy, let's arrest
the one that wasn't drowning.

-[Marilyn coughs]
-Yeah.

Yeah, that works too.

[coughing]

[quirky music playing]

[gasps]

Honey! Oh!

Mm!

Hope he has the right sister.

I can't look.

This is the worst comeuppance ever.

You lied to me.

-About what?
-Karma.

You're blaming me for this?

Yes.

-[chuckles]
-Yes, I am.

[Roderick] Adrian, hey.

I just wanna say thanks.

-You saved my family.
-Mm.

Saved my life.

Glad I could help.

Oh, yeah, and hey,
about this swirly thing.

No hard feelings, right?

All right.

I'll see you around.

-Nice to meet you.
-Okay. Nice to meet you.

[Marilyn] What's a swirly?

Oh, we used to fool around
back in the day.

-You know, horseplay after school.
-Mm-hmm.

He was a… funny kid.

He used to wash his hands,

-like, ten times a day. [chuckles]
-Hmm.

Listen. Do you hear that?

-What? The birds?
-No, no, no, no.

Not the birds. Don't you hear that?

The toilet tank refilling.

Toilet tank of life.

Okay, come on, Mr. Monk.

I'll drive you home.

It's what Plato called
"the great cosmic swirly."

There's no escaping it.

Plato said that?

I'm paraphrasing.

-I'm gonna need that shower cap back.
-[Natalie] Okay.

[theme music playing]