All language subtitles for Monk_S07E02_Mr. Monk and the Genius.English (CC)

"Payable to…

Natalie Teeger."

My four favorite words. [chuckles]

[paper tearing slowly]

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Um, excuse me. Where's the rest of it?

I worked Tuesday night, remember?
That was overtime.

Oh, I thought you were just hanging out.

No, Mr. Monk, I wasn't just "hanging out."

I spent seven hours
reorganizing the utensil drawer.

-That was work.
-But you said it was fun.

I distinctly remember that.

I said, "Isn't this fun?"

And you said, "Uh-huh."

So…

You mean unless I'm complaining,

you're not going to pay me?

Is that the new rule?

Even if I wanted to,

I've already torn it out of the checkbook.

Yeah, so you just void it out.

Void. Write "void."
And then you just write another one.

Natalie, I can't do that.

I wish I could.

-If it were up to me--
-Of course it's up to you.

I need you to use your inside voice.

What?! Oh, my God!

God!

I'm a little short of cash
right now, okay?

But I'm good for it.

You know I'm good for it.
Just keep track--

Yeah, I have been keeping track.

-It's over $1,800, Mr. Monk.
-Shh.

I'm sorry, the door was open.

I thought I heard screaming.

Oh, no, that's just me.

I scream every payday.

Can I help you?

My name is Linda Kloster.

My husband is Patrick Kloster

Patrick. The chess player.

I was just reading about him.

He's some sort of super genius,
like, off the charts.

Yes, Patrick has an I.Q. of 180.
Four points higher than Albert Einstein's.

What can I do for you?

Well, it's my husband.

He's gonna kill someone.

How do you know?

He told me.
He talks about it all the time.

He says he has a perfect plan,
he says it's foolproof,

and that he'll never get caught.

Did he say who he's going to kill?

Yes.

It's me.

He's gonna kill me.

["It's A Jungle Out There"
by Randy Newman plays]

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care
Well, I do ♪

♪ Hey, who's in charge here? ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ Do you know what's in
The water that you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's amazing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy
'Cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention,
You'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention
Or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just kill you ♪

♪ I could be wrong now ♪

♪ But I don't think so ♪

♪ 'Cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

Um, can I get you something to drink?
We have some wine.

Oh, no, thank you.

I'm three years sober.

Three years and two months.

Congratulations.

Mrs. Kloster, isn't it possible
that you misunderstood your husband?

Patrick is not an ambiguous man.
He said he's gonna kill me.

In fact, he tells me every day.

As I'm going to bed he'll say,

"Good night, sweetheart.
It won't be long now."

[sighs]

Why don't you just go to the police?

I can't prove anything, and he knows it.

It'll be his word against mine.

Well, can't you leave, go someplace?

You mean hide from Patrick?

Impossible.
I mean, he'd find me in two minutes.

He's a chess grandmaster,
the best in the world.

He can anticipate my every move.
Murdering me is gonna make him a fortune.

He's taken out
a $10 million insurance policy on my life.

Did he say when he--

No, but it'll be soon.

When he left this morning,

the way he kissed me,
it was different.

You know, the way he smiled.

It's definitely coming.

Where is he now?

He's playing a tournament in Vancouver.

I've been following it.

That's right.

He's in Canada until Tuesday.

At least you're safe until then.

Am I?

Mrs. Kloster, I have friends
at the department.

Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Monk.

But the police can't protect me.

Patrick is smarter
than all of them put together.

My husband's gonna murder me.

I'm already dead.

And there's nothing you
or anyone can do about it.

Here's a check for $5,000.

I'm a little confused.

If you don't think he can be stopped--

I'm hiring you to catch him.

-You mean after?
-That's right.

After he's killed me.

Mr. Monk, you are the only man
smart enough in this world

to make him pay for what he did.

Or, rather, what he's gonna do.

I can't… I…

I don't know what to say.

Say yes, Mr. Monk.

Promise me.

Promise me you won't let him
get away with it.

I promise.

[announcer] Once again,
Kloster is on the attack.

His dynamic style of play

has certainly been on display today.

Your sister called again.

She's worried about you.

Frankly, so am I.

Looks like he's winning again.

I'm sure he is.

Is the house alarm on?

Yes, I set it myself.

You'll check it again before you leave?

I always do.

And don't open the door for anyone.

Make sure Michael knows.

-Let me make you some lunch.
-[gun cocks]

No, I think I'm just gonna take a bath

and maybe lie down.

I'm going to make you a sandwich.
I'll be right back.

[door closes]

How does she look?

Scared to death.

Of what? The son of a bitch is in Canada.

I don't blame her.

[sighs] What she needs
is a good therapist.

They both do.

I'm happy I'm not a genius.
It screws with your head.

You wanna do her a favor?

Put a little scotch in there.

[chuckles]

[announcer] And it's another victory
for Patrick Kloster.

We didn't have any green tea.

But I found some Earl Grey.

Kevin, it's a restraining order.

You issue 30 of them a day.

No, he hasn't hit her.

Yes, she's still in the house.

Because Adrian Monk told me,
that's how I know.

Fine, good.
You do that. You sleep on it.

Good.

How'd… how'd that go?

Forget about him.
Look, just get a cruiser out there.

-Park it out front until further notice.
-You got it.

You can't arrest him for anything?

Well, apparently there's no law against
giving your wife the willies.

Captain, we just got a call.

Okay.

You better put down the cup.

Just tell me who called.

Just put the cup down, or finish it,
or drink half of it.

Why?

You're probably gonna drop it.
I'm gonna have to clean it up.

Just have a sip. How 'bout a sip?

Linda Kloster's dead.

Her housekeeper just found her.

[mug shatters]

What happened?

-I don't know.
-Let's go.

-Mr. Monk--
-Let's go!

-We gotta get over there.
-Let's go, Randy.

[somber music]

Hey, the cavalry's here.
Could I have the room, please?

You heard the man. He wants the room.
Let's go.

Thank you very much.

-Mr. Monk--
-Not now.

Not now.

You can't blame yourself.

Yes, I can.

What did the paramedics say?

Probable heart attack.

He killed her.

He said he would kill her, and he did it.

Okay.

-[sighs]
-Okay, there was no alarm.

There was no one in the house,
just the housekeeper and the cook.

No signs of trauma or suffocation.

Poison.

No, housekeeper
said she hadn't eaten all day,

breakfast, lunch.

So how did he do it?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Is he here?

His plane just landed. What do you got?

You're not gonna like it.

The M.E. said natural causes.

-Severe cardiac arrest.
-What?

He's already released the body.

What--

What about a complete toxicology workup?

He won't do it, Monk.
Not without probable cause.

She was 42 years old.

What about the water?
The tap water in the bathroom?

Checked.

Well, how 'bout her lipstick?

[sighs] We checked that too.

I mean, toothpaste, even her eye drops.

Everything in the house, it's all clean.

He killed her. He poisoned her.

But how?

There he is. You can ask him yourself.

Mr. Kloster, how do you feel?

How do I feel?

I'm still in shock.

Linda was my reason for living.

Thou detestable maw,
thou womb of death,

gorged with the dearest morsel
of the earth.

-Where is that from?
-Look it up.

Patrick Kloster,

I'm Leland Stottlemeyer, SFPD.

This is Lieutenant Disher.

Are you surprised to see us, sir?

Yes, I am.

I mean, I'm surprised to see you here.

I expected you in Vancouver.

Well, we couldn't afford it.

We're sorry for your loss, sir.

This is Adrian Monk and Natalie Teeger.

Of course.

The legendary Mr. Monk.

I was hoping to see you here.

Well, hello.

Sir, we were wondering
if you wouldn't come downtown,

give us a statement.

I'm afraid my schedule is rather tight,

but I did take the opportunity
of phoning ahead

and reserving a room here

at the airport security offices.

It's nothing extravagant,
but there's a table,

and five chairs.

How did you know there'd be five of us?

Please, Miss Teeger, don't insult me.

According to the Vancouver Police,
they interrupted the match at 1:21 p.m.

to inform you that your wife had died.

That's right.

They said you kept playing,
that you finished the match.

Of course I did.

That's what Linda would have wanted.

That's funny.

I would have been too upset
to concentrate.

I was upset, Captain.

That's why it took me 44 moves to win.

Your wife came to see me this morning,
Mr. Kloster.

Did she?

She told me
that you had been planning to kill her.

[sighs]
My wife was an unstable woman.

She didn't seem unstable to me.

I'm sure she didn't.

What did the medical examiner say?

Heart attack.

She didn't look sick to me.

And what medical school
did you attend, Miss Teeger?

My wife suffered
from high blood pressure.

And for most of her life,
she was an alcoholic

and a heavy smoker.

She was also quite depressed.

And there was a
ten-million-dollar life insurance policy.

The policy was Linda's idea.

I'm insured for the same amount.

What do you know about poison,
Mr. Kloster?

Not much.

More than you, I'm sure,
but not much.

Although I am an expert
on the poisoned pawn.

Poison--

Uh, that is a chess move,
Lieutenant Disher.

I'd be glad to teach it
to you if you'd like.

Well, as you can imagine,

I have a number of arrangements to make.

Do you play chess, Mr. Monk?

-A little.
-[Patrick chuckles]

We should play a game sometime.

We already are.

Okay, I found somebody.

He's a grandmaster national champion.

And he beat Patrick Kloster?

Almost. They played last year.
It was a tie.

Well, where is he?

He's over there. His name is Eric Tovila.

I can't believe you're working
on a Saturday.

Well, he's not paying me,
so it's not really work.

Mr. Tovila. Do you have a minute?

I'm a little busy at the moment.

You're Tovila?

I wanted to ask you a couple of questions
about Patrick Kloster.

You know, I'm working here.

You want to talk, you gotta play me.
It's 20 bucks.

Yeah, yeah, I don't…

I don't think that I have $20.

I don't… I don't have $20.

I don't… Do you--

Do you have-- I don't think I have 20.

Uh, I have eight dollars.

And an I.O.U. for $1,800 from my boss.

Who's next?!

I could play.

Five dollars, right? I'm under 18.

Yeah.

You play chess?

I was in the chess club for two semesters.

Two semesters.

Oh, well, that's gonna impress
the Vassar dean of admissions.

It's your move.

The bird opening.

Mm-hmm.

I've only seen that five times today.

I understand
that you almost beat Patrick Kloster.

I'll get him next time.

What kind of player is he, would you say?

*Kloster's a behaviorist.

He studies you, not the game.

He crawls inside your head,
and it's kinda spooky.

Yeah, what is a poisoned pawn?

Well, the poisoned pawn is a trap.

He dangles a pawn
in the middle of the board.

And, you know, most people
can't resist it.

And then he swoops in

and crushes you.

It can't resist it.

That's checkmate.

Thank you, Vassar. That was fun.

A trap. A trap she couldn't resist.

What? What? What? What?
I know that look.

You did it, didn't you?
You figured it out.

Who's the real genius now, huh?

Who just outsmarted
the smartest guy in the whole world?

-Tell me "you."
-[laughs] I did.

It was you. [chuckles]

This is a funeral home, Mr. Monk.

My wife has just passed.

I find that grin on your face
rather inappropriate.

I know how you did it.

You still think I murdered my wife?

You set a trap.

Like the poisoned pawn.

Oh, you've been chatting
with some chess masters.

Good for you.

When I was in your bedroom on Wednesday,

I noticed a few things.

I just didn't put it
all together until today.

The glass that had recently been washed,

some breath mints,

some eye drops.

And what did they tell you?

That your wife had started drinking again.

[Natalie] Married to you,
I don't blame her.

[Monk] She kept it secret, of course.
At least, she tried to.

How long did it take you
to find her secret stash?

A day? A week?

On Wednesday morning
before you left for Canada,

you poisoned her bottle

then put it back where you found it.

Later that day, Linda took a drink.

[Natalie] Of poisoned pawn.

[Monk] Then she put the bottle back

as you knew she would.

It really was brilliant.

You didn't have to hide the poison.

She would drink it and hide it herself.

-Natalie, call the captain.
-Yes, sir.

And did you find this bottle

or this hidden stash of poison?

No, of course not.

It was long gone.
You had four days to get rid of it.

But there are still traces of it in here,
in her body.

We're gonna run
every toxicology test in the book,

and we're going to find it.

Ah, I'm afraid you can't touch that.

I'm sorry.

She was our niece.

Well, I'm a former police officer

and I'm afraid we have to borrow
your niece, her remains,

for a couple of days.

Borrow her?

Yes, we have to run
some toxicology tests on the body.

-Oh, my goodness.
-No, no, no, we do it all the time.

We're going to cut her open just…

Just a little bit.

And slice off a teeny tiny…

tiny piece of her liver
and her stomach,

and maybe take a little…

tiny, nearly imperceptible
bit of fluid from her eyeball.

Like on TV. Who likes tv?

But why?

The fact is we think
she may have been poisoned.

But how did the poison
get in the cable car?

What cable car?

The cable car that hit her.

That's how Marjorie was killed.
[cries]

-Ma--
-[Patrick] Uh, Mr. Monk.

That's not my wife.

My wife is right here.

I had her cremated two hours ago.

As you can see,
I have anticipated your every move.

Cremated?

Yes, I don't think your toxicology tests

are gonna do much good,
but you are welcome to try.

Aww.

I know that look.

I've seen it quite often.

That's how my opponents look
when they know they've been beaten.

Your move, Mr. Monk.

"In chess, as in life,

creative strategies executed
with daring and precision

will allow you to overwhelm your opponent
and achieve your goal."

The end. And may I say, thank God.

Keep reading. Here's the next one.

Oh, Mr. Monk, come on.
We've been reading his books all day.

What good are they doing?

I'm getting into his head.

He's in my head.

I have to be in his head,

so we're in each other's heads.

"Chess Domination by Patrick Kloster."

Well, this will be the opposite of fun.

"For my queen, Tatiana."

You don't have to read the dedication.

Fine, sorry.

What's this?

Linda Kloster's check.

You didn't deposit this?

-I'll never deposit it.
-But, Mr. Monk, she wanted you to cash it.

Mr. Monk, if you deposit this check,

then you can pay your staff.

And when I say "staff," I mean me.

But she came to me.

I didn't protect her.

Mr. Monk, you did everything you could.

What about the promise I made
that he wouldn't get away with it?

-You made a promise to me too.
-There he is.

-What?
-My God.

He's coming. What do we do?
We should kiss. No!

I didn't say that. I wasn't thinking.
I never said that.

Good morning.

I thought you might be thirsty.

Well, this is for you, Natalie.

It's lemonade.

And, Mr. Monk, I believe
this is your brand.

Oh, my books.

-I could autograph one for you.
-No, thank you. No.

Very well.

I'll leave you two alone.

Enjoy your little stakeout.

Well, you have to admit, he's pretty good.

What? He was right. I was thirsty.

What?

How do you feel?

Uh, I feel fine.

What?

It just occurred to me.

If there's poison in that lemonade,

we could go to the D.A.,
and we'd have all the evidence we need.

It just occurred to you,
and you didn't say anything?

Mr. Monk, I have never seen you like this.

How do you feel now?

You know, I hate to disappoint you,
but I feel fine.

Try the water.

That is it. We are going home.

Wait.

Stop the car.

What? What are you doing?

Just stop, stop, stop the car.

-Wait. What are you do--
-Stop.

Where are you going?

-His garden.
-His garden?

Oleander. It's from his garden.

It's poisonous. Very poisonous.

You dry the sap,
you grind it into a powder.

A quarter of a gram
is enough to kill an adult.

It'd look like she had a heart attack.

Did look like she had a heart attack.
This is how he did it.

So you were in his garden on his property?

You said you wanted evidence,
hard evidence. Here it is.

Monk, a million people
have this flower in their garden.

I used to have some.

Let's let the D.A. Decide.

Monk, I'm not going to the D.A.
waving a shrub.

Look, you don't seem to understand.

This Patrick Kloster thing
is a big, bad headline

just waiting to happen.

Now I know that you're upset.

I know that this case
is very important to you.

But we need real hard evidence.

Maybe if you found some powder
already ground up

in a little bottle inside his house.

-Maybe then.
-In a bottle?

Right, we wouldn't even need
his fingerprints.

We could just say he wore gloves.

What'd you say?

Nothing. Nothing.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

-Come here, I want to show you something.
-What is it?

Down the hall there's a sign,
I think is a little crooked.

I want your opinion.

-Crooked. I'll be right back.
-Come on.

How crooked is it?

Oh, it's very crooked.
You're not gonna believe it.

-Why do you need me?
-Um…

'Cause I'm not sure if it is crooked.

You just said it's very crooked.

Look, I don't know, Monk.

Is anybody else in there?

-It's in here.
-[Monk sighs]

There's nothing crooked in here.

I hope not.

Don't do it.

Don't do what?

Break my heart.

You're thinking about planting evidence
in Kloster's house.

[sighs] Monk, I've been a cop
for 30 years.

I've had this conversation nine times.

I never thought
that I'd be having it with you.

There's a line.

You step across it,
and you're gone for good.

-There's no going back.
-You don't understand.

I do understand.

I've been there.

I've had cases like this,
cases you couldn't shake.

Sometimes you have to let it go.

Let it go?

We have to move on.

There's a city, a city full of people,

other people that need our help right now.

When Trudy was dying,

I got there late, almost too late.

I was there.

She was slipping away. She couldn't speak.

All she could do was reach out.

She…

she grabbed me with both hands.

Like this.

Eleven years later, I still feel it.

When I promised Linda Kloster,

when I gave her my solemn word
that her husband would pay,

she grabbed my hand…

the exact same way.

I'm not letting this one go.

I'm not moving on.

That's an illegal move, Mr. Monk.

Something I'd expect
from a much weaker player.

The truth is, I have been
waiting for you all night.

I'd almost given up.

You were waiting for me?

Mmm, ever since I noticed a branch
missing from an oleander bush

in my garden.

You don't really think that window

was left unlocked by accident,
do you, Mr. Monk?

Mmm, breaking and entering.

I believe that is a felony.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm not a litigious man.

I prefer to settle my problems
out of court, as you well know.

I am replaying a match of mine from 1995.

Boris Spassky was playing white.

Where would we be
without our little games, eh, Mr. Monk?

Sixty-four perfect little squares.

An island of order
in a chaotic world.

This is where I beat him.

Right…

there.

This is a wedding gift.

You dedicated one of your books
to "my queen Tatiana."

You were married before.

Very good, Mr. Monk.

Divorced?

My wife died.

She must have been quite ill.

Yes, she was.

Let me guess.

Heart attack?

Mr. Kloster,
the district attorney's office

and Captain Stottlemeyer

would like to exhume the body
of your first wife.

I've read their application.

They've listed a number of similarities
between the two cases.

Your first wife, Tatiana Bay Kloster,

was in her 30s, apparently healthy,

and died from a sudden
and severe cardiac event.

She too was heavily insured.

Captain Stottlemeyer and Mr. Monk
have been to Pacifica.

They've spoken to some
of your old neighbors.

And a few of them remember
you had oleander plants

in your garden 15 years ago.

I'm convinced there's a clear
and unique pattern of behavior.

I am going to grant this petition.

Your first wife's body
will be exhumed first thing tomorrow.

And let me warn you.

If in fact there are
traces of this poison in her body,

you can expect
the district attorney's office

to bring two counts of murder.

Section 261.

There.

Here. Here it is.

-Harry, over here!
-[engine starts]

You're making a big mistake.

You made the mistake, Kloster.

You should have had
your first wife cremated too.

Sorry for the delay.

We know how important this is,
so we wanted to make sure.

There was no poison in the body.
We didn't find a thing.

Impossible.

The woman died of natural causes.

We're sure of it.

Thank you, Mr. Monk.

What for?

Uh, our little game.

To be honest with you,

I'm sorry it's over.

Excuse us. Very good.

Gonna need you, young man. Excuse us.

Hello, everybody.

Thank you so much
for your generous support.

We're gonna begin the exhibition
in just a few minutes.

International grandmaster Patrick Kloster

will be playing simultaneous matches

against four of the highest
ranked players in California.

It should prove to be very exciting.

[applause]

[Julie] oh, there's that kid
from the park.

What a geep.

What's a geep?

Well, it's a geek who's a little creepy.

All right, Mr. Monk, I have to be honest.

I'm still not quite sure why we're here.

He won't talk to you.

He won't return your phone calls.
What can we do?

I don't know. But I can't just quit.

To me, quitting would be like giving up.

If I was playing against him,

he'd have to talk to me, right?

Okay, wait here.

[Monk] What's she doing?

She's, uh, she's flirting.

-She's good at it.
-Shut up.

She's definitely done this before.

Okay.

Yeah, she's got it down.

-Thank you.
-[Julie] Mom.

You remember my friend Eric.

I told him about the case.

And about how you think
Mr. Kloster killed his wife.

I believe it too. Congratulations.

You're player number one.

You mean I can play in the tournament?

You're my proxy. It's in the bylaws.

I can designate someone to take my place.

Thank you.

Don't bring out your queen too early.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

international grandmaster Patrick Kloster.

[applause]

Well, well, well, the tenacious Mr. Monk.

Your threshold for pain
must be extraordinary.

It's your move.

Yes, I know.

Linda must have truly despised me
to have brought you into my life.

Mr. Monk. That's my piece, Mr. Monk.

I'm just centering it.

You'll thank me later.

Mr. Monk.

[inaudible]

Mr. Monk, please.

I pass.

You can't pass.

For the love of God,
why don't you just resign?

How 'bout this?

If I win this game,

you have to tell me
how you poisoned your wives.

What are you talking about?

I am not agreeing to that.

How 'bout this? If we play to a draw,

you come with me to police headquarters--

Mr. Monk, I'm not negotiating with you.

When are you going to realize
that it is over?

You're castling?

Yes, the rook and the king switch places.

They switch places.

Yes, it's the best way I know
to get oneself out of trouble.

This is it.

You came here

that night before we exhumed
your wife's body.

And you switched headstones.

That's why we didn't find any poison.

We dug up the wrong body.

Very good, Mr. Monk.

You play a brilliant endgame.

Right.

Can I tell you something?

I am sick and tired
of you talking like this,

all these chess metaphors.

Two women are dead.

They're not chess pieces, Patrick.
They're human beings.

I think they deserve better.

Although, if you insist…

checkmate.

-What?
-Nothing.

I was just thinking about the case
and how you solved it.

You really are amazing.

Well, thank you.

No, you really are my hero.

[chuckling] Okay.

I know this sounds crazy, Mr. Monk,
but could I have your autograph?

-Oh, please.
-Please.

Just to have it for myself,
like a keepsake.

-Come on, it'll just take a second.
-All right.

If it really means something to you.

[chuckles]

Okay.

-Thank you.
-That's Linda Kloster's check.

Which you just endorsed.

I'll be right back. I'm going to the bank.

-You can't deposit that.
-Why not?

You solved the case.
You kept your promise.

-Besides, I need the money.
-Natalie, let go. Just give it back.

Those books are out of order.

-Where?
-Dah!

-Nat!
-Dah!

Oh, my God, they really are out of order.

[theme music playing]