All language subtitles for Bewitched.S07E21.Mixed.Doubles.1080p.ROKU.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-HiNGS_track3_[eng]

[♪♪]

Marital Unrest?

Why’d you buy
a book about that?

I didn’t.

Louise Tate insisted
upon lending it to me.

Why?

She says it tells
what you and I are in for.

It’s about boredom in marriage.

Sam, in our marriage,

boredom will never be a problem.

Hm. Thank you.

I’ll pretend that was
a compliment.

Louise insisted I read the first
chapter, which I just did.

The author says that after
several years of marriage,

it’s common
for husbands and wives

to feel they’d rather
be married to somebody else.

What does he recommend,

therapeutic divorce?

Not in Chapter 1.
He merely describes the problem.

Well, is that how you feel?

Of course not.

Good. That’s not
how I feel either.

So let’s go to sleep.
Okay.

Mwah.

[♪♪]

Darrin, I’m really
concerned about Louise.

I mean, she wouldn’t
have insisted I read--

Sam.

Well...

[♪♪]

[ALARM CLOCK RINGING]

[ALARM STOPS]

Okay, sleepyhead,
time to get up.

Larry?

What are you doing here?

I live here.

Me your husband, Larry.

You my wife, Louise.

Remember?

I know you Larry,

but-- But me, Louise?

What’s the matter, Louise?
Were you having a bad dream?

No. But I think
I’m having one now.

Louise, I warned you.

In the future, no more
apricot brandy before bedtime.

[MOUTHS]
What...?

[♪♪]

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Louise, if it isn’t
asking too much,

I’d like my breakfast.

I’m sorry, Larry, but there
seems to be a short circuit

in somebody’s witchcraft.

Well, I still
look like Samantha.

And I still
sound like Samantha.

But Larry thinks I’m Louise.

So the next question is,
where is Louise?

The question after that is,
does Darrin know I’m gone?

Well, I’d better check on that.

[♪♪]

DARRIN:
Sam?

LOUISE:
Yes, Darrin?

How about
some breakfast?

Oh, okay.

LOUISE:
Darrin, for some reason,

my bathrobe and slippers
seem tight on me.

Well, maybe you
gained some weight.

In my feet?

I don’t know.
You look the same to me.

Honey, get moving, huh?

Oh.

Come on. I’m gonna
be late for work.

Okay.

[♪♪]

[WHISPERING]
Mother. Mother.

Yes, my child?

You recognize me.

Well, is that unusual?

I’ve known you hundreds--

Mother, uh, never mind.

Something very
weird has happened.

Oh?
Yes.

Larry Tate thinks
I’m his wife, Louise.

And Darrin and Louise
think Louise is me.

La-la-la.
Sounds exciting.

Well, now, I-- I-- I look
and talk exactly like me

and Louise looks
and talks exactly like her,

but not to them.
Is that clear to you?

Perfectly.

Good. Then explain it to me.

It must be a form
of transfiguration.

Huh?

It’s a metaphysical
molecular disturbance

that’s put in force by a witch.

Now, you and I
are immune to it

because we are witches.

But as dreary mortals,
Durwood and the Tates are not.

I remember when
you were a child,

there was a similar mix-up

in which you couldn’t
tell the difference

between your father
and a rhinoceros.

Mother, this is no time
for family anecdotes.

I have Larry
frozen in his bedroom.

Maybe I should put
everybody in the freezer

until I can
figure this out.

The entire mortal world?

No, I guess that wouldn’t work.

Dr. Bombay.

Oh, Mother,
please.

Oh-- Oh, find him and send him
to me as soon as you can.

Well, yes, dear, I’ll try.

But don’t be too upset.

Why not?

Well, keep an open mind.

Give Larry Tate a chance.

He may be a better
husband for you.

After all,
he can’t be any worse.

Mother, did anyone ever tell you

you have a fantastic
sense of humor?

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, frequently.

[TITTERS]

Well, they were wrong.

Louise, what was I saying?

I-- I seem to have
lost my train of thought.

You’re dressed.

Yes, do you like it?

But a second ago,
you were in your nightgown.

Weren’t you?

Larry, I think
maybe you should lay off

those after-dinner stingers.

[♪♪]

Oh, Jon, you haven’t
finished your milk.

You’re staring at me.

Why?

I don’t know.

[♪♪]

Okay, Jon, let’s go.

Are you taking him
to the office with you?

I’m dropping him
at school like I always do.

What made you think I was
taking him to the office?

[CHUCKLING]

Uh, well,
it was just a joke.

He’s so big and strong,

I thought he was ready
to go to work.

Uh-huh.

I’ll go get my books.

Mm.

Uh, h-have--
Have a nice day.

You too.

A handshake?

Since when does a wife

send her husband into
the rat race with a handshake?

Mwah.

That’s better.

That’s the kind of passion
I’m accustomed to.

Ooh!

I wonder what’s new
with Darrin and Louise.

[♪♪]

Have good day,
sweetheart.

You too.

Mwah.
See you later.

[♪♪]

Mother.

Mother?

Samantha, I found him.

[♪♪]

Dr. Bombay,
is that you?

Of course.

Endora caught me clowning
around with my nurse.

[LAUGHING]

Clowning around.

Did you tell him
what the problem is?

Yes. I said it’s
a clear-cut case

of metaphysical
molecular disturbance.

But I don’t take
the diagnosis of a laywitch.

Samantha, over here.

Stand on your left foot.

Place your right pinkie
on your nose.

Take your right foot
in your left hand.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Now repeat after me:

Willy Warlock walked away
with Wally Walrus.

Willy Warlock walked away
with Wally Walrus.

Again.

Will-- Willy Warlock walked away
with Wally Walrus.

Thank you.

That’s my favorite
tongue twister.

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]
Nothing.

Endora, good guess.

BOTH:
Metaphysical molecular--

Unquestionably.

Naturally,
she doesn’t have it.

She’s a cosmic carrier.

It’s one of those
fortunate ailments

that only affects mortals that
have had contact with witches.

Can you cure them?

You’re the one who’s sick.

They were innocent bystanders

hit by a stray
shot of witchcraft.

Our only hope is to treat you,
thereby curing them.

Not before you get rid
of that ridiculous costume.

Hm, it is a little
unprofessional, isn’t it?

Do you play the harmonica?

No, but-- But I’m--
I’m a fast learner.

Good. Play eight bars

of "Pop Goes the Cosmos"
out of tune.

That will force your
molecules back in tune.

It’s a special harmonica

coated with a combination
of medically tested ingredients.

[PLAYING TUNE OF "POP GOES
THE WEASEL"]

That should do it.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Well, I’ll-- I’ll go visit
Louise and see if it worked.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi, there.

Oh, Louise.
What a pleasant surprise.

Uh-oh. No dice.
I beg your pardon?

I-- I said, so nice.

So nice to see you too.

Well, come on in.

I’d love to. Believe me,
I would love to,

but, uh, I have to go.

You-- You just got here.

Well, I-- I shouldn’t have
come over without calling,

so-- So I--
I don’t want to intrude.

Bye-bye, Samantha.

Bye, Louise.

It didn’t work.

I know, I just tried.

Huh? No, I-- I mean Louise still
thinks I’m her and she’s me.

Hm? Hm!

Those molecules
must be more disturbed

than I anticipated.

That’s one on you, isn’t it?

I’ll have to concoct a potion.

Doctor, concoct quickly.

I can’t, the key
ingredient is the marrow

from the tooth
of a saber-toothed tiger.

I shall have to go
to Asia Minor for it.

I’m no longer on speaking
terms with Asia Senior.

[LAUGHING]

No longer...

[SIGHS]

I need a tiger tamer,
tiger tamer.

My nurse.

She really has charms
to soothe the savage beast.

[BOMBAY LAUGHING]

Soothe the savage....

Oh.

Hm.

[♪♪]

Hello, Betty.
Hello, Mrs. Tate.

Would you like
to see Mr. Tate?

Uh, no, I-- I’d like
to see Mr. Stephens.

I’m planning
a surprise party.

[INTERCOM BUZZING]
Yes?

Mr. Stephens?

Mrs. Tate would
like to see you.

Oh? Send her in.

Go right in.
Thank you.

[♪♪]

Louise.

How nice to see you.

Louise,
what are you doing?

I’m trying
to convey something.

Well, you succeeded.

But since you’re married to my
friend and business associate,

I’ll ignore it.

Now, uh, what else
can I do for you?

Uh, let’s sit down, Darrin.

I have some
important news for you.

Darrin, I know that
your wife is a witch.

You know what?

Samantha Stephens is a witch.

[CHUCKLING]
Oh, come on, Louise,

that’s ridiculous.

Uh, there are no
such things as witches.

Sweetheart, I-- I know
this is hard for you,

but the reason I know
Samantha is a witch

is because
I am Samantha.

I-- I may look
like Louise to you

but that’s because
I caused something

called a metaphysical
molecular disturbance.

Well, Louise, you certainly
have a vivid imagination.

[SIGHS]
Okay.

Um, see if this gesture
rings a bell with you.

[ALL DINGLING]

It’s-- It’s impossible.

Would you like them
to play "Melancholy Baby"?

Sam, it is you.

What happened?

It’s not my fault.

And Dr. Bombay
is working on a potion

to bring everything
back to normal.

So, uh, don’t be furious.

Just mildly annoyed.

Mildly annoyed?

Okay, very annoyed.

Well, if I thought
you were Louise,

what do Louise and Larry think?

They think I’m Louise too,
and they think Louise is me.

So while we’re
waiting for Dr. Bombay,

all we have to do is...

Is what?

...Is not let the Tates
find out.

And the best way to do that
is go along with the gag.

Some gag.

We’ll invite them
to our house for dinner.

Sort of a surprise
party for Larry.

And if Dr. Bombay has
come up with a potion by then,

fine, we’ll have
a perfectly nice evening.

If not, we’ll stay up
all night talking.

Darrin--

Louise, what are you doing here?

Uh, well-- Well,
what a shame, Louise.

[CHUCKLING]
He spoiled it.

Spoiled what?

Your surprise party

at Darrin and Samantha’s
tonight.

My surprise party?

[CHUCKLES]

What’s the occasion?

There is no occasion.

That’s what makes it a surprise.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, now, uh, what is it
you wanted to see me about?

Oh.

I forgot.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪]

Hi, Darrin.

Hi, Larry. Hi, Louise.

Darrin.
Surprise.

Oh, hi, Sam.
Larry.

Well, uh, come on in.
Hm.

Uh, Louise, would you mind
giving me help in the kitchen?

A pleasure.
I’ll get you a drink.

Okay. Martini,
extra dry.

Louise, you hate martinis.

Oh-- Oh, yes.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, that’s just another one
of tonight’s surprises.

She gets mean
when she drinks martinis.

Samantha?
Hm?

How are
Tabitha and Adam?

Oh, they’re fine.
They’re asleep.

Oh, Louise,
thank goodness you’re here.

I really could use
some help getting dinner ready.

I don’t know why, but I just
can’t seem to get organized.

It’s been like that
all day.

That happens
to me sometimes.

In your own kitchen?
Mm-hm.

I’ll make the salad.

Thanks, Louise.
I’ll set the table.

[♪♪]

[WHISPERING]
Mother? Mother?

Yes, my darling?

Have you heard
from Dr. Bombay?

Not a word.
Oh.

Maybe all the saber-toothed
tigers are in hibernation.

Maybe he is too,
with his nurse.

Shall I still
look for him?

Yes, please.

[SIGHS]

I have a feeling this is going
to be an interesting,

long, dull,

interesting party.

There.
That does it.

That’s it.
Four spades.

Game and rubber.

Let’s play another.
Yeah, let’s.

It’s 11:30.

Oh, the night’s young.

Louise, I’m all bridged out.

How many rubbers have we played?

Eight. Each team won four.

Well, let’s go
for the championship.

Whoever wins, uh,
six rubbers first.

That’s
a marvelous idea.

Louise, Samantha
said she had enough.

Darrin, you and I
have to go to work tomorrow.

Good night, Sam,
and thanks for a lovely--

Wait.

Uh, Larry, you can’t eat
and play bridge and run.

It’s your
surprise party.

It wouldn’t be
polite to Darrin and Sam.

Louise, the polite thing
is to leave at a decent hour.

Right, Sam?

Well, it is getting pretty late.

Oh, I-- I--
I have another idea.

Uh, let’s play a word game.

Now, s-see-- See if you know
the answer to this.

What’s black and white
and red all over?

A newspaper.

Wrong.

Samantha,
do you know the answer?

No.

Uh, try me, Louise.

What’s black and white
and red all over?

Uh, an American flag
with a lot of mistakes.

Ha.

Wrong.
Oh, okay.

What is black and white
and red all over?

A zebra with a sunburn.

[LAUGHING]
That’s very clever, Louise.

But if you don’t mind,
I’m tired.

Let’s go home and go to bed.

Um, Samantha,
is there any more coffee?

Yes, but it’s cold.

Marvelous, I’ll have
some ice coffee.

I’ll-- I’ll get it.

I don’t know what’s
gotten into Louise.

She’s been acting
strange all day long.

Mother?

Yes, darling?

Toughest safari
I’ve ever been on.

My nurse doubled
as supply bearer,

but she said my behavior
was unbearable.

[LAUGHING]
Shh!

Unbearable...

Is that the potion?

Yes, it is.

Marrow of tooth
of saber-toothed tiger

eye of newt, toe of frog,

wool of bat,
and dietetic cola.

Sounds rather bland,
but perhaps it’ll work.

It has to. We’re running out
of conversation.

Mm. Ooh, that’s terrific.

Sam, I know you
and Darrin are tired.

And I apologize
for Louise’s behavior,

but I’ve learned
through the years

it’s better
not to fight it.

Larry, don’t be silly.
[SIGHS]

The evening’s young.

Well, the evening
may be young, but I’m not.

So if you don’t mind.

But it didn’t work.

Metaphysical molecules
remain disturbed.

Me too.

Well, I--
I don’t understand. I--

Samantha, was there
something about last night

you didn’t tell me?

I don’t think so.

Unless...

Unless what?

I seem to recall
having a dream.

A dream?
Re-create it for me.

I can’t.

You must.
I’ll try.

Uh-- Uh, let’s-- Let’s see.

I was tossing and turning

and tossing and turning.

And it was very breezy.

And I kept hearing
over and over again:

Louise, Louise,

Louise.

Well, that’s about it.

I see.

Every little breeze
seemed to whisper, "Louise."

[BOMBAY LAUGHING]

[SIGHS]
Oh, for Pete’s sake.

Anyway, when I woke up,
I was in the Tates’ bedroom.

Naturally.

Transcendental
transplant?

Dream inversion.

The molecules
were not only disturbed,

they were held there
by a layer of dream inversion.

Similar to smog, only healthier.

Is it any easier to get rid of?

Oh, infinitely.
The potion will work

with a booster shot
of an incantation.

Molecules return
To your former states

Mates return
To your former mates

And let Larry and Louise
In mortal density

Remember not
Their mistaken "idensity"

Sorry about that.

It worked.
Oh, it worked.

Thank you, Dr. Bombay.
[CLEARS THROAT]

You too, Mother.
Yes, dear.

[♪♪]

Care to, uh, come up
to my pad for a nightcap?

Forget it, sawbones.

Oh, well.
Back to my nurse.

[♪♪]

Larry. Larry, wake up.

Louise,
why are you shaking me?

Because it’s time
to go home.

I mean,
if you’re going to sleep,

home’s where
you ought to do it.

Ah.
Good night, Samantha, Darrin.

And thanks
for a fun evening.

You have no idea.

Huh?
Good night, Louise.

Thanks for dinner, Sam.

It was our pleasure.

We’ll let
ourselves out.

Louise, come on.
You drive.

Night-night.
Night.

BOTH:
Night.

[DOOR OPENS]

[SIGHS]
[DOOR CLOSES]

Sam, where are you going?

Where do you think?

Upstairs, to see Adam
and Tabitha and reclaim them.

Mm-mm.

Not before you reclaim me.

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]