Original subtitles

[♪♪]

All done, Mommy. Can we go play now?

SAMANTHA: Not until Adam finishes his milk.

I’m gonna go out and get the newspaper for Daddy.

And when I come back, I want that cup of milk to be empty.

You understand, Adam?

Don’t worry, Mommy. He’ll do it for me.

Adam. Go ahead, Adam. Drink your milk.

Milk, up.

Go ahead. The rest is up to you.

I wanna go out and play,

and if you don’t empty that cup, I will.

Cup, go.

Tabitha, put that back.

[SHATTERS]

Tabitha, that was naughty and you know it.

It wasn’t my fault, Mommy.

You scared me and broke my spell.

You shouldn’t be doing spells.

DARRIN: Honey, breakfast ready?

Uh-oh. In a few minutes, sweetheart.

[PHONE RINGS]

DARRIN: I’ll get it.

We’ll discuss this later, young lady.

Now, I better clean this up before your daddy sees it.

You turn the other way.

You too.

[GIGGLES]

What’s wrong, Mommy? I don’t know.

[GIGGLES]

Never mind, Tabitha.

Now, why don’t you two go out and play?

And, Adam, you will have two cups of milk for dinner.

Okay, Mommy.

Hi, little cousin.

[CHUCKLES]

I see you’re still working hard on housemaid’s knee.

What’s the matter? Super-boob too cheap to hire a maid?

Just had a little accident.

And frankly, Serena, I prefer to do things the mortal way.

Especially when your witchcraft doesn’t work.

Tabitha, will you please take Adam out on the patio and play?

Okay. Come on, Adam.

Just a minute.

What was it Tabitha snitched about?

I don’t know what’s wrong. I seem to have a pooped twitch.

How long has it been since you’ve had a checkup?

I mean, the full 10,000-spell overhaul.

Well, it’s been a long, long time. Probably--

Sam, that was Larry on the phone, and for some...

For some reason, he wants to pick me up.

And you can forget about breakfast.

I’ve just lost my appetite.

Well, I see tall, dark and nothing

is as nothing as ever.

Never mind, Serena.

Sweetheart, I think I have a little problem.

I know. When did she get here?

Ding-dong, when it comes to dense,

you go to the head of the class.

She’s sick and she needs a checkup,

and yesterday wouldn’t have been too soon.

My witchcraft has gone fluey.

It could be serious. What can you do about it?

Well, I should go in for a full checkup and rehabilitation.

Well, how long would you be gone?

Oh, I should be back by 9 tonight.

Serena, could you stay with Adam and Tabitha?

Of course.

Sam, couldn’t you get Esmeralda or your mother or--?

There isn’t time. Give me a boost, Serena.

Weebus worbus Toodle-flick

Get a checkup or you’ll be sick

Alone at last.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That must be Larry.

Do me a favor. Uh, stay out of sight.

Sure, poopsie.

[GIGGLES]

[NARRATOR READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Good morning, Darrin. Good morning.

Uh, hadn’t we better get going? We’ll be late.

Darrin, how can you be late?

You’re with the boss.

Uh, Larry, is there some special reason

why you want me to drive in to work with you?

Yes. My seat belt’s broken

and I want you to hold me in the car.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I finally arranged a meeting with Mr. Berkley

of Berkley Hair Tonic for this afternoon.

Forget it. Who needs a hair tonic account

at a time when nobody is buying hair tonic?

But that’s the point.

When the sales are slipping, opportunity knocks.

There’s no way to go but up.

Let’s make sure that the client understands that.

You’ll make that perfectly clear, but not too clear.

And if there are any loose ends,

we’ll sew them up tonight at dinner.

DARRIN: Oh, that would be a good idea,

but I’m afraid Sam and I can’t make it.

LARRY: Can’t make it? You’re the hosts.

DARRIN: Forget it, Larry. Sam’s not here.

She went out of town to take care of something,

and, uh, she won’t be back till after dinner.

[IN SAMANTHA’S VOICE] Sweetheart.

Let’s go.

SERENA: Hi, Larry. Sam?

Oh, Darrin, I’m so glad I caught you.

Darrin, that really wasn’t worthy of you.

If you don’t want the client to come for dinner, just say so.

I don’t want the client to come here for dinner.

Sam, Louise is away visiting her mother.

And if it isn’t too much of an imposition--

Imposition?

Oh, my goodness. Of course not.

We would love to have Mr. and Mrs. Berkley here for dinner.

Wouldn’t we, sweetheart?

Uh, Larry, why don’t you go along without me?

I think Sam and I have to--

Oh, now, don’t worry about me, Darrin.

You and Larry run along. That’s right.

Let’s run along, and fast.

I’ll be home early. Very early.

I can hardly wait.

Aren’t you forgetting something?

I don’t think so.

Darrin, give her a kiss goodbye and let’s go.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

How long have you two been married?

Seven years.

Remarkable.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] What’s a gorgeous girl like you doing in a face like this?

Oh! Fantastic!

[CHUCKLES]

Darrin, I talked to Berkley a while ago,

and I think he and his wife are going to accept

your gracious invitation to dinner.

He should be here any minute.

You have something dazzling to spring on him?

Well, not exactly dazzling, but I do--

I think I have something sensational.

"Berkley’s Hair Tonic.

It makes your hair and your love life easier to manage."

I don’t like it.

LARRY: Mr. Berkley! Ha-ha-ha. Good to see you.

That slogan is not for my product.

Of course it isn’t. It’s old hat.

But I was just trying to show Stephens here

an example of the wrong way to go.

Well, that’s right. It’s wrong. Heh-heh!

Uh, Mr. Berkley, this is Darrin Stephens, our top man.

Nice to see you, Stephens.

Thanks for the invitation to dinner.

A little short notice.

Hope the little lady didn’t squawk.

No, not at all.

Good. Neither did mine.

And believe me, she’s a great little squawker.

[LAUGHS]

I understand you have something exciting to talk about.

I am aware that your sales have slipped considerably

in the last few years,

and it’s just because the kids are not buying hair tonic.

It’s a sign of the times.

Oh, that’s very astute. Very astute.

You’ve just told me what my Research Department

told me six months ago.

Stephens, it is not your job

to report on the state of the union.

Your job is to come up with ideas which sell my hair tonic.

Yes! What I want is action.

And y-you’re going to get it.

All I want is enough time to come up with the plan

for recapturing the youth market.

Okay, take all the time you like,

as long as you come up with an idea by tonight.

Gentlemen.

Oh, uh, by the way,

thanks again for the invitation to dinner, Stephens.

Okay, sweetie. Adam’s down for his nap.

What kind of a game would you like to play?

[PHONE RINGING]

What’s that noise? It’s the telephone.

There’s one in Mommy and Daddy’s room.

Oh! Well, there’s one in here too.

Hello? Uh, hi, Serena.

I’m just checking in to see if everything’s all right.

Everything’s fine.

It’s your daddy.

Adam is taking his nap,

and Tabitha and I were just about to play a game.

Game? What kind of a game?

Well, I thought it might be fun to play Catch a Falling Star.

Serena, can’t you play regular games like other people?

I am not like other people. Neither is Tabitha.

Serena, would you do me a big favor?

It depends.

Is there any way you can reach Samantha

and get her back here in time for dinner tonight?

Nope.

When a witch goes in for the 10,000-spell checkup,

she is incommunicado.

Say bye-bye to your daddy. Bye-bye, Daddy.

I know a game we can play, Auntie Serena. Hide-and-seek.

Neat-o! Well, we need a whole bunch of us for that.

Oh. I bet they’d love to play.

And Prince and Panda and Fuzz.

[LAUGHS]

And you too, Rag Doll.

[CHUCKLES]

There. This is gonna be fun.

[LAUGHS]

Now, we are all going to play hide-and-seek.

Scoot.

Come on, gang. Let’s hide.

[SERENA COUNTING IN FRENCH]

Here I come, ready or not!

Aaa-ooo!

Where is everybody? Everybody hidden? Aaa-ooo!

Here I come! Oh, I’m looking. I’m looking, but I’m not seeing.

Oh, my goodness. You’re such good hiders.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Rag Doll, Rag Doll, I see you behind the chair.

Oh, and all the rest of you.

Oh, my goodness. All right, all right.

And last one to tag the base is it.

Let’s go! I’m gonna get you. Ha-ha!

Ooh, I’m gonna catch you, you cute little furry things.

[LAUGHS]

Here I come.

[♪♪]

DARRIN: Serena.

Serena.

All right. Everyone back where they belong.

There are some dolls missing, Auntie Serena.

DARRIN: Serena!

Well, don’t worry, sweetheart. We’ll find them later.

You bellowed, O Square One?

Serena, our guests will be here in less than an hour.

How’s dinner coming?

Wow-ee. What a worrywart.

I’m going to zap up

the exact dinner I once cooked for Henry VIII.

Never mind, Serena. Just something, uh, simple.

How about peanut butter, straight, no jelly?

Is that simple enough?

How about salad, roast beef, string beans and baked potato?

Believe me, it was more fun cooking for Henry VIII

than it is for Ding-Dong I.

Serena, I’m going upstairs now and get ready,

and I’d appreciate it if you’d get with the dinner.

Haven’t you forgotten something? What?

Don’t you give your sweet little wife a kissy-poo

when you come home from work?

Forget it, Serena.

Look, dum-dum, I am not a live-in maid.

I am a wife, and I want a kiss.

I’ve had more passionate kisses from my mother.

Uh, look, Serena,

uh, when the client and his wife get here,

eh, promise you’ll behave.

I promise I’ll behave. Witch’s honor.

And you’ll be nice to the client and his wife.

And I’ll be nice to the client. I don’t know about his wife.

Just be nice.

Dum-dum, I promised you I’d be nice,

and nice is what you’re going to get.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Darrin. Please come in.

Mrs. Berkley. How are you doing, Mrs. Berkley?

Good evening, Stephens. DARRIN: Mr. Berkley.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Berkley, this is my wife, Samantha.

How do you--?

[IN SAMANTHA’S VOICE] Oh. Uh, how do you do, Mrs...?

Berkley. Berkley.

How do you--? My.

Darrin certainly didn’t exaggerate, did he?

I didn’t? Am I supposed to ask

what this is all about?

Oh, I couldn’t tell you. It would just embarrass you.

If you’re going to pay him a compliment, don’t hesitate.

He can use it. My biggest fan.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Well, speaking of compliments,

anyone care for a complimentary drink?

Anything. Double. Heh.

Darrin. SERENA: Well, come in.

Make yourself comfortable. Well, thank you.

You too.

Well, come right in

and sit down and make yourself comfy.

There you go.

You’re not gonna keep us in suspense.

What did your husband tell you about Roland?

SERENA: You want me to tell you? What’s the matter with Sam?

ROLAND: Only if you want to. Nothing. Why?

SERENA: I want to. Since when does Samantha

greet the client with a kiss?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Mrs. Stephens, you’re a very affectionate person, aren’t you?

Well, what’s wrong with that, Martha?

You’re right, Mrs. Berkley.

I am a very affectionate person. I just love people.

Don’t you think people should love people?

Listen to her, Martha. It wouldn’t hurt.

I’ve become terribly interested

in the, uh, new trend of developing the senses.

Particularly touch.

Now-- Now, tell me, Roland. Yes.

Do you feel something?

LARRY: Yours is a martini, Mrs. Berkley, right?

Oh, yes. Mr. Berkley.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yes.

[CHUCKLES]

Now, Martha, let’s try.

Feel the warmth?

No, it’s cold and wet.

I have always felt that-- That people should be nice.

Don’t you think so, Roland?

Yes. Yes-- Yes, I do.

Something else for you to remember, Martha.

I have a feeling I’m not going to forget

anything about tonight.

This new kick that Sam’s on, heh, I think she’s overdoing it.

She’s not herself tonight.

Well, why don’t we come back when she’s recovered?

Oh, nonsense, Martha.

The world is an uptight place.

People don’t express enough warmth.

I think we should let ourselves go.

Well, I’m for that. Let’s go.

Oh, heavens, Mrs. Berkley.

Don’t tell me you misunderstood what I meant by "affection."

LARRY: Ha-ha! Yes, Mrs. Berkley.

I mean, I hope you didn’t misunderstand

what Samantha meant by "affection."

What did you mean?

Sam, why don’t you let me help you in the kitchen?

I think something’s burning. I think it’s Martha. Hee-hee!

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

Come on, Sam. The kitchen.

Um, how about a little kiss for the cook?

I refuse to serve dinner until I get a kiss.

Well, I guess we’re all pretty hungry, aren’t we?

Darrin, you kiss her.

Come on, Sam. The kitchen.

[CHUCKLES]

Serena, if you were a mortal, I’d wring your neck.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Easy. Don’t aggravate my witchcraft.

Do you know what you did in there?

You took a man who represents a $500,000 account

and obviously played up to him.

You asked me to promise to be nice.

I was, and he seemed to enjoy it.

But his wife seemed to hate it. Goody.

Hi, sweetheart.

The winds of adversity

got through to me on the atmospheric continuum.

I got back as soon as I could.

All right, cousin. What are you up to?

Oh, cousin, there is no satisfying

this mortal oaf you’re married to.

He asked me to be nice to the client.

I was merely being nice to the client.

And now he’s in a snit,

and my feelings are hurt and I’m leaving.

What’s going on? Your beloved cousin

has been flirting with the client

and driving his wife up the wall.

What are you two trying to do, sabotage the account?

Mr. and Mrs. Berkley are at each other’s throats in there.

Well, at least they’re still in there.

Yeah, but not for long. I mean it, Roland.

I want you to take me home now.

Well, not before dinner, for heaven’s sakes.

That-- That would, eh, hurt her feelings.

Roland.

Wait a minute.

I believe that you’re actually jealous.

Jealous?

Of what? Of you and her?

What are you doing? That’s it, isn’t it?

Tell the truth. You’re a little jealous, aren’t you?

I’m not a little jealous. Oh.

I’m a lot jealous.

Oh, Martha.

Martha, that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me in years.

Do--? Do you feel something? Yes.

Okay, now we can go home.

Ooh.

Mr. and Mrs. Berkley,

I am terribly embarrassed.

Mr. Tate just told me that you misunderstood my intentions.

I’m the one who’s embarrassed.

I’m afraid I overreacted.

But you did react.

And that’s the whole point of sensitivity awareness.

You’re doing very nicely, Mrs. Berkley.

I am? Oh, thank you. I try.

Oh, you certainly do, Mrs. Berkley.

Heh-heh! Now, let me hold your hand again.

You feel something?

[♪♪]

No, but I think I saw something.

Oh, that’s no--

What is that thing?

What is it? Does it bite? It’s Harry.

Yes, it certainly is.

Oh. I-- I-- No, not-- Not hairy.

Harry.

Oh, Harry! Oh, Stephens, wait a minute.

I think I know what you’re up to.

Is it okay if I, uh, guess?

It looks like you’re ahead of me, so guess away.

Yes. Now, you were, uh, talking earlier

about a campaign aimed at the young folks.

The, uh, longhairs, so to speak.

Harry is part of that campaign. Right?

Fantastic guess. Ha-ha-ha!

Huh, Sam?

Huh? Oh! Phenomenal.

Mr. Berkley, under all that hair is a boy actor

who will be playing the "before" part

in the Berkley Hair Tonic campaign.

I thought so. Ha-ha-ha!

[LAUGHTER]

He’s cute. Yes.

Does--? Does he have fleas?

[ALL LAUGHING]

Oh, so sweet. Harry.

Give me a kiss.

[GIGGLES]

Sensitive, is he? Very sensitive.

Harry, Harry. Come on, Harry.

You forget how much you shed.

Come on, Stephens. Tell me, how do you plan to use, uh, Harry?

Oh, well, Mr. Berkley,

uh, we-- We don’t want the young people

to think that Berkley Hair Tonic i-is against, uh, long hair.

No.

And we want to establish that, in fact, you’re all for it.

Right. And we also wanna establish

that the young people don’t have to carry it to this extreme.

Yeah. How are you going

to illustrate the, eh, better-groomed look?

Here’s how it goes.

"Why look like this?

"With Berkley Hair Tonic and a trip to the barber,

you can look like a prince."

I think you’ve got something.

[CHUCKLES]

The boy never misses. Brilliant, Darrin.

It was nothing.

Just another one of Darrin’s hare-brained ideas.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Stephens, tell this young man to take off his fur coat.

I wanna shake his hand. He can’t do that.

Why not?

Because he-- He’s a Method actor.

He lives his part.

Well, it’s past his bedtime,

so I’ll just take him on upstairs.

Sweetheart, you fix the folks another drink, okay?

Great idea. Let’s drink to my signing with McMann & Tate.

I’ll drink to that.

Oh, darling, I can hardly wait

to get back to our sensitive awareness. Now.

Sam, I’d like to tell you that I love you,

but somehow it doesn’t seem like enough.

It’s enough. I’m not greedy.

[♪♪]