Original subtitles

Sweetheart, stand still so I can button your dress.

I want to wear blue jeans.

Tomorrow.

Today you are wearing a very nice dress

because we are going to have

very nice company,

Grandma Stephens.

Grandma Endora too?

No sweetheart, just Grandma Stephens.

And, uh, Tabatha,

I want you to remember

that Grandma Stephens and Grandma Endora

are two entirely different grandmas.

You understand?

With Grandma Endora I have fun.

Well, you have fun with Grandma Stephens too.

Only in a different way.

Because we can't let Grandma Stephens know

that you're a--

That you and I are--

That you and I and Grandma Endora are--

And that Daddy isn't.

Do you know what I mean?

No.

I didn't think so.

So stay close to Mommy, and we'll hope for the best.

Tabatha,

did you leave your shoes downstairs again?

Then be a good girl, and get them.

Tabatha, that is not how good little girls get their shoes.

Sometimes I have the feeling

you don't get my message.

[♪♪]

"The sheep and the lambs are in the meadow,

and the little colt stays near his mother."

Oh, look at his long legs.

Isn't he cute?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Here she is.

Be sure and give her a big kiss.

Oh, Mother Stephens,

Mwah.

I can't tell you

how delighted I am to see you.

The same to you, my dear.

And how is my son, your husband?

Handsome as ever,

and hard at work to support his family.

Hello, Grandma Stephens.

Well, sweetheart!

My what a nice welcome.

Did you coach her?

Oh, Mother Stephens, what a thing to say.

Tabatha, my sweet,

I have a little present for you.

Oh, thank you.

Bunny hop?

No.

No, sweetheart, the bunny doesn't hop.

The bunny is a toy bunny.

Can I make this bunny my baby brother?

Yes, sweetheart.

So long as you only pretend.

Okay.

How else could she do it?

How else could she do what?

How else could she make

a bunny her baby brother, without pretending?

Oh, well, she couldn't.

It's just that she has such a vivid imagination

I have to keep reminding her.

I see.

May we sit down?

Oh, let's.

Samantha,

when Tabatha was born

I made it a strict rule

that I would never interfere

with how you and Darrin chose to raise her.

I know, and we appreciate it.

However, rules are made to be broken.

So I hope you won't be offended

when I tell you I think you're making a big mistake.

What's my big mistake?

Samantha,

you are an over-protective mother.

You don't expose your daughter to other children.

She has no playmates.

That's why she wants to make a stuffed rabbit her baby brother.

The child is desperately in need of companionship.

Mother Stephens, I understand what you're trying to say, but--

Would you consider her too good for other children?

No.

We consider her...

We consider her...

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

Samantha, dear, you're stalling.

Why don't you just admit I'm right?

Okay.

You're right.

I'll make a mental note to expose Tabatha

to other children.

Fine.

You can start with Michael Millhowser.

Who's Michael Millhowser?

He is the five-year-old son of Stanley and Gretchen Millhowser.

Gretchen is the daughter

of one of my dearest and oldest friends.

She and her family just moved here from Chicago,

and they don't know a soul.

Well, we must invite them over.

When?

Next week?

Oh, I'm sure they'd love it.

But in the meantime,

Gretchen has invited you and Tabatha to their house.

She has?

In 15 minutes.

I took the liberty of accepting for you.

Oh.

But, uh, Mother Stephens, we were looking forward

to spending the morning with you.

Oh!

I'm going with you.

I haven't seen Michael since he was a baby.

Uh...

Mother Stephens...

Yes, dear?

I'll go get Michael's playmate.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hello, Gretchen, dear, how are you?

Aunt Phyllis, good to see you.

Gretchen Millhowser,

this is my daughter-in-law, Samantha,

and my granddaughter, Tabatha.

Pleased to meet you.

How do you do?

Oh, come in.

Just step over the toys.

I believe in a lived-in atmosphere for children.

It gives them a sense of belonging.

Tabatha,

my son, Michael, is very anxious to meet you.

Michael, darling, come here.

Vroom!

Well, I don't believe it.

Look how big he is.

Michael, I want you to--

Vroom!

He's busy playing dive-bomber.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I have an appointment at the beauty shop.

I'll leave you two younger generations alone

so you can get acquainted.

I'll let myself out.

PHYLLIS: Bye-bye.

Vroom!

Oop!

[SIGHS]

In due time,

Michael will learn to put his things away himself,

but I don't want to force him.

I want him to do it out of his own sense of pride.

Oh, yes.

Michael,

don't you want to come over and meet two beautiful ladies?

No.

He's a little shy about extra-familial contacts.

Uh, what about his contacts with the wall?

After we get settled, we're repainting.

Michael, would you like to take our company outside

and show them your play yard?

No!

He's releasing the hostility

caused by being uprooted to a new environment.

Oh.

We'll go to the play yard without him,

and he'll follow us from a need for group identification.

Really?

Oh.

Wow!

Uh, how many--?

How many children do you have?

Just one,

but an active one.

Well, I've never seen anything like it.

You have enough equipment to open a nursery school.

My husband and I believe in physical exercise

as a means of sublimating anxiety.

Go ahead, Tabatha, play with anything you like.

Um, where do you and your husband entertain your friends?

You mean when we have barbecues, and things like that?

Yes.

We have a little area outside the service porch.

All we have to do is move the garbage cans.

Oh.

MICHAEL: Get off!

Michael, dearest, there are two other swings.

I want this one.

Oh, it's his favorite.

Well, that's all right.

Come on, Tabatha.

Come on.

You can swing on this one.

There now, Michael.

Now you have your swing.

I don't want it.

[GROANS]

Do you have other children?

No, not yet.

Oh.

Do you feel, uh...

an only child has greater difficulty

in resolving the Oedipus conflict?

Well, uh, I'm not sure.

I guess I haven't given it much thought.

But I feel an only child makes it easier on the grocery bill.

[CHUCKLES]

Look!

They're both in the same sandbox.

Is that good or bad?

It depends on how they orient their behavior patterns.

Let's leave them on their own.

Mrs. Stephens,

we really should leave them on their own.

[LAUGHS]

Good.

How do you do that?

[GIGGLES]

Your mother must be pleased to have you living near her.

I think so.

And of course she's thrilled

to be able to see more of Michael.

I can imagine.

Even though he's a bit of a challenge.

Yes, I sensed that.

Stop that.

Make me.

Help!

Mom!

That's Michael's frustration scream.

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!

Get me out of here!

Tabatha!

What happened?

She locked me in a cage and took away my wagon.

There's an example of the imagination

of a child with a free spirit.

Fantastic.

Tabatha,

give Michael back his wagon.

I'm terribly sorry.

Forget it.

Let's finish our coffee.

Tabatha hasn't learned to share, has she?

I don't like you.

I wish I was a doggy.

Why?

So I could bite you to pieces.

Ruff!

I wish I was a doggy.

I wish so too.

[BARKING]

What's that noise?

I guess they're playing with your dog.

We don't have a dog.

Tabatha.

Tabatha, where's Michael?

Oh, Tabatha, you didn't?

You couldn't.

You did?

Oh!

Michael.

Where did that come from?

Oh, it's probably a stray.

And where's Michael?

Oh, he's probably hiding.

Michael!

Michael, where are you?

Michael!

Come out, come out wherever you are.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

He went around in front.

I'm coming, dear.

I'm coming.

Oh!

Oh, Tabatha, I'm ashamed of you.

Hi, Gretchen.

There was some mix-up in appointments.

They had me down for tomorrow,

so I thought I'd come back and see how things were going.

Where did that dog come from?

I have no idea.

But I wish he'd go away.

Get away. Get--

- [BARKS] - [SCREAMS]

Did you see that?

He tried to bite me.

I've got a good mind to call the dog pound

and have him taken away.

Oh, I-I wouldn't do that.

Th-the dog is probably just suffering

from a disorientation trauma

compounded by a fear of rejection.

How do you know that?

Well, wh-when you think of it,

how much different is a dog from a child?

Tabatha,

that was a very naughty thing to do.

Wishing Michael into a bulldog.

It was an accent.

An accent?

Oh!

[LAUGHS]

You mean an accident.

How was it an accident?

He wished he was a doggy.

I wished so too.

Tabatha,

when are you going to learn

that just because you wish something were so

that you mustn't witchcraft it to happen.

You see, what I mean is, you must control--

Michael!

Michael Millhowser.

If you find him, you tell Gretchen immediately.

She's searching the house from top to bottom.

And that stupid bulldog is following her.

Tabatha, come on, get down.

Come on.

Now, listen.

We have to change Michael back.

I suppose I should say you have to change him back

because it's your spell.

Should I close my eyes and wish?

Yes.

And wish as hard as you can.

Are you wishing as hard as you can?

Yes.

Oh, well...

relax, sweetheart.

I guess you're too young to do it

unless the victim's right here with you.

GRETCHEN: He just doesn't seem to be anywhere around.

[WHISPERS] But you mustn't do it

in front of Mrs. Millhowser or Grandma Stephens.

Any luck?

No.

He's a good hider.

I wish he'd come back,

but I'm gratified that when he does something,

he does it well.

[WHINES]

Ew!

I'm sure he's around somewhere.

[BARKS]

Look at that.

It's as if he's trying to tell you something.

I don't want to listen to him,

I want to listen to my baby.

[CLEARS THROAT]

MICHAEL: Come and get me, I'm out front!

Come on.

Come on, Michael.

Come on.

Now, Tabatha,

what Mommy did was ventriloquism,

uh, with a dash of witchcraft.

I want you to hurry up and wish Michael back into a--

Oh, hold it. Hold it.

"Hold it"?

Yes.

Sh-she was going to play a game with the doggy,

but now that you're here

she'd much rather play with you.

That's sweet.

I wonder if he could have run away from home.

You're right!

I'll go see if he has an identification tag.

Oh, Samantha, come back.

I was talking about Michael.

[BARKS]

Oh!

Michael.

Michael, you come back here.

Michael?

Michael, come here.

[GROWLS]

Oh!

Michael.

Michael, come on.

Be a good boy, uh, dog.

Come on, Michael.

[WHINES]

Enough is enough.

Whew!

All right, come on.

All right, Tabatha.

Come on.

Now you wish Michael back into a little boy.

And don't fool around.

Close your eyes.

We've looked all over, and we just--

Michael.

He was hiding out back.

My son,

my darling,

my sweetheart, my angel.

Oh, Michael,

I know you didn't do it on purpose,

but you made Mommy very worried.

Where were you?

Please, I can handle this.

Michael, dear, where were you?

I was a doggy.

Michael, as you well know,

Daddy and I encourage childhood fantasies

as beneficial to psychogenic development,

but this is going just a little bit too far.

As your mother, I ask you again,

where were you?

I was a doggy.

He's a stubborn little... boy, isn't he?

Samantha, what do you think?

About what?

About a child

who compulsively insists on fibbing.

Oh. That.

Well, um, I think that in this case

I'd make an allowance.

Uh, you see,

that stray bulldog

may have frightened Michael into a trauma.

Of what specific nature?

Well, uh,

that's hard to say.

A psychogenic trauma?

You may be right.

However, there's also a possibility

that I may have committed a tactical error.

Of what specific nature?

Of being too permissive.

Of letting a five-year-old boy run my life

instead of my running his.

Well, there is a group that advocates the use of discipline.

And I belong to it.

Do you?

Oh, yes, I do.

I believe that children want a certain amount of discipline.

To have limits on what they can get away with.

Because having to be a free spirit 24 hours a day

can be pretty exhausting.

And pretty confusing.

Amen.

That just might have some validity.

You know what?

I'm going to take a whack at it.

Michael,

go clear all your junk out of the living room.

Then I'll give you and Tabatha some milk and cookies.

I don't want any milk.

I don't want any cookies.

And I want her to go home.

[SMACK]

I'll give you and Tabatha some milk and cookies,

and you will finish your milk to the last drop.

Is that clear?

Yes, ma'am.

All right, Michael, move out.

Yes, ma'am.

How did that sound?

Fine.

How did it feel?

It felt sensational!

I'll get the milk and cookies.

Samantha.

Yes, Mother Stephens?

What happened to the bulldog?

I think he finally heard his master's voice.

All right, sweetheart,

you and your new bunny have a nice nap.

Okay?

Bunny hop.

I'll bet after playing with Michael all afternoon,

Tabatha will have a nice long nap.

I bet she will too.

Aren't you glad I talked you into going?

Very.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Oh, nothing.

And you and your daughter have each made a nice new friend.

Yes, we have.

So aren't you glad I talked you into going?

Very.

Well, uh, goodbye, Mother Stephens.

We'll see you soon.

Goodbye, dear.

Oh, Samantha?

Yes?

Give my son my love.

I will.

I promise.

Oh, Tabatha,

one of these days

you are going to make your mother a nervous wreck.

Ooh!

[♪♪]