Original subtitles

Darrin, what are you doing?

I'm reading some reports.

Then why do you keep going like this?

Because I know upstairs,

my daughter is playing with your mother.

So?

So I'm nervous.

It's too quiet.

I think they're finger-painting.

With whose fingers?

What does that mean?

Uh, Picasso's? Rembrandt's?

You don't think Endora

would finger-paint with her own fingers?

She absolutely possibly might.

Or maybe they're not there.

Maybe that's why they're so quiet.

Maybe they flew over to the Venice Film Festival.

Darrin, aren't you late for your golf game?

I don't have a golf game.

How about tennis?

[TABATHA SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Tabatha would like to show you her finger-painting.

There, you see?

It's an original Van Gogh.

What did I tell you?

Get rid of it.

You could sell it for lots of money.

That's just the point. Get rid of it.

Oh, Durwood, really.

You're such a-- Such a mortal.

Mother.

Oh, very well.

That's peculiar.

Samantha, you try.

Oh.

Mother, are you all right?

Can I answer that question?

Darrin...

I feel perfectly fine.

I'm going to change.

I'm late for a cocktail party in Monaco.

Tabatha, bye-bye.

Grandmama will see you next week.

Fly carefully.

That is peculiar.

Oh, Samantha! Samantha, I seem to be grounded.

You probably have a sticky valve.

That happens with older engines.

Darrin, this could be serious.

Perhaps it's the atmosphere.

Samantha, you try popping out.

Oh.

No. No, it's you.

Mother, you have a pooped popper.

I've completely lost me powers.

Oh, Mother! Well, I can't believe it.

Neither can I.

[???]

How do you feel?

How would you feel if you suddenly mysteriously

lost your powers?

Well...

I'd feel wonderful.

You don't have any powers.

He means he'd feel wonderful if I didn't either.

Correct.

Mother, don't you have any idea what could have caused this?

No.

You haven't been around any black Peruvian roses?

I haven't even been around a Peruvian.

And you haven't been mixing eye of newt with oysters?

Did you fly backwards with one eye shut,

past a warlock with six warts on his nose?

Darrin, that's not funny.

Mother.

What?

It must be something serious.

Please, let me call the doctor.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'd be too embarrassed.

Just let me lie here quietly.

I'll see how I am tomorrow.

Um, excuse me.

I want to talk to Darrin alone for a minute.

Darrin, w-would it be all right

if Mother stays here overnight?

No.

Oh, please.

I'm worried about her.

Why can't she go home?

You can't get there from here.

I mean, without, you know...

Mm.

Why can't she go to a hotel?

Oh, Darrin, she's afraid to be alone.

Well, I can tell.

Please?

Okay.

But one night only.

Yeah, mm-hm.

Come on. Come on!

Mother...

Mm.

Darrin insists that you spend the night.

I'll bet.

All right, you bet, while I get you another cold towel.

Abner, come over and look at Mrs. Stephens' mother.

Abner!

Abner!

Yes, my love?

Tabatha Stephens just made a newspaper

fly through the air like it had wings.

Do you know what that proves?

Mm-hm.

News travels fast.

I hoped a good night's rest would cure you.

So did I.

Now shall we call the doctor?

I'll think about it.

Did she get her powers back?

No, she did not.

Oh, that's a darn shame.

How's my little sweetheart?

Fine.

Excuse me.

What's that?

Cereal.

For breakfast?

Don't you like it?

No.

I always have fried raven's eggs, over easy.

Then you go right ahead and whip 'em up.

Darrin, don't be cruel.

Samantha...

Won't you twitch up some raven's eggs for your mother?

Sorry, Sam knows the rules.

I forbid witchcraft in this house.

Tyrant.

Mother... What?

While I butter the toast, why don't you pour the coffee.

Oh, certainly.

Shucks.

I guess you'll just have to pour it by hand.

Oh, it's heavy.

Oh.

Thanks for trying.

Mother...

Yes, darling?

I hate to be a nag, but you really should see a doctor.

Oh.

Darrin, don't you think Mother should see a doctor?

I've always thought that.

Fine, I wouldn't want to do this without your approval.

Samantha, you plucked me right off me dolphin,

and I was winning the race.

Sam, you tricked me.

I thought you were talking about a legitimate doctor.

I beg your pardon?

Hello, Dr. Bombay.

Hello, Endora.

I trust you have a superb reason for interrupting me?

Yes, Dr. Bombay.

Mother seems to have lost her powers.

Endora?

SAMANTHA: I'm afraid so.

Why, it seems to me only a few week ago

that you were suffering a loss of your power, Samantha.

This family is getting into a rut.

When did it happen?

Yesterday.

And where does it hurt?

No place.

Just in the pride.

I'd better give you a complete checkup.

My wife's family doctor.

He's just our general practitioner.

You should see our specialists.

What's he doing?

He's listening to her foot.

I'm sorry I asked.

Hm. Ahem.

The uh, family may come in now.

Well, I've examined the patient from head to foot,

and I've made my diagnosis.

What is it?

Endora, you are suffering from an allergy.

To what?

To birds.

Birds?

To birds?

DR. BOMBAY: The medical facts are obvious.

She has lost her powers of witchcraft,

due to changes in her occult metabolism,

caused by contact with a particular kind of a bird.

What kind of bird?

That's the puzzling part.

Endora has been in contact with the rare Macedonian Dodo bird.

But a Macedonian Dodo bird

has been extinct for millions of years.

That's not the point.

The point is, you have run into a rare Macedonian Dodo bird,

and the encounter has rendered you powerless.

Dr. Bombay... Yes?

If Mother had come in contact w-with the Macedonian Dodo,

wouldn't she have noticed it?

Not necessarily.

It could have sneaked up on her from behind.

Uh, can you cure her?

Instantly.

As soon as you produce the bird.

What for?

We must pluck a feather from the guilty bird's tail

to use as an ingredient in the potion.

SAMANTHA: possibly find the feather

when we don't even know where to find the bird?

Well I can't answer that, can I?

I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.

Since when?

Darrin, please.

And what happens in the meantime?

That's an interesting subject.

In many cases of allergy, the victims powers

go off into limbo, and they float there.

Unless...

Uh, unless what?

Unless by magnetic polarization

those forces attach themselves to some other witch or warlock

whose own powers are, uh, dwindling.

ENDORA: Dr. Bombay, do you mean to say

that a perfect stranger could acquire my powers?

Not a stranger.

No, it would have to be a relative.

Well, I must be off.

Let me know if something comes up.

A relative...whose powers are dwindling.

Well, the only one I can think of is--

[RUMBLING]

Aunt Clara.

Hi there.

Oh! Ha, ha.

Oh, I just had to fly over to show you.

Show us what?

Oh, the many things I haven't been able to do

in all these years. Ha, ha.

Uh, like this.

Duck's down and lettuce Present form, forget us

[SQUAWKING]

Aunt Clara, change Mother back.

Oh, yes, of course, dear.

I was merely demonstrating my new power.

Roses are red Violets are blue

I am me And you now...

Are you!

Clara, you will live to regret this moment.

SAMANTHA: Careful, Mother.

Let's not make her angry.

No, watch it. And watch this.

Weebus, warbus Tootles, flick

Flick

Eat all this And you'll be sick.

Oh, excellent, Arturo. Excellent.

Excellent, my foot.

Get that stuff out of here.

But we're having a celebration.

This is a party.

Oh, uh, let's start with the pté de foie gras...

Durwood, help me.

What did you say?

I said, Durwood, help me.

You'd think if you wanted me to help you,

you'd use my correct name.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What was it again?

Darrin.

Oh, yes.

Well...I'll try.

Straighten my pillow.

Turn it around the other way.

That's right, there. Yeah, that's better.

Dennis...

...where's Tabatha?

She's upstairs playing.

Well, I want her to play here.

She's been playing in her room all morning.

I thought Samantha was going to make me some cocoa.

I'll see what's keeping her.

Sam, your mother is driving me crazy.

She is?

She acts as if she's totally helpless.

By her standards, she is.

Uh, darling, do me a favor.

Take this out to her. I have to make a call.

[GROANS]

Aunt Clara?

Oh! Oh, my.

I just had lunch in H-- Holland.

So I see.

I'm having dinner in Mexico.

Well, so I see.

Uh, it's very attractive,

but Aunt Clara, I want to talk to you about Mother.

Oh, well, uh, just a minute.

I'm a quick-change artist.

Well, I'm glad to see you're enjoying yourself, Aunt Clara.

But-- But about Mother.

Now, I'm sorry about Endora,

but I'm a swinger and I like to swing.

Yes, uh, I understand, but...

I didn't steal her powers.

Until you told me, I had no idea where they came from.

Well, now, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

You sure?

With her temper?

Heh. I wouldn't dare.

Okay, Aunt Clara.

You're clean.

Oh, may I go now?

Yes.

Oh. Uh--

Oh, it's such a nice day.

I think I'll go sailing.

[SNORES, GRUMBLES]

[GASPS]

Abner! Abner!

Wake up, wake up!

What? Wha--? What do you want?

Our-- Our street has turned into a harbor.

[BOAT HORN HONKING]

[BOAT HORN HONKING]

Come, Abner.

[GROANS]

That was a good one, Gladys.

Be sure and tell the psychiatrist about it

when you see him.

What psychiatrist?

The one I'm going to send you to.

There you go. Thanks, honey.

Oh, cute.

Is Tabatha still in her room?

Uh-huh.

What's the big attraction there?

Privacy.

You meant that as an insult, didn't you?

No, Mother, he didn't mean--

ENDORA: He hates me.

Mother, he doesn't hate you.

Do you, Darrin?

He does too!

I'll have to live out my life in a climate of hatred.

What do you mean, live out your life?

Have you forgotten?

I'm not leaving this house without me powers.

I never agreed to that.

I only agreed to last night.

Come sundown, I call you a cab.

Right?

Right?

Well...

Well, what?

Who--? Who'd take care of her?

We could put her in a home for senior citizens.

And when you're as senior a citizen as she must be,

they're sure to give her the best room in the house.

Darrin, you can't do that.

She's my mother.

And I'm your husband.

She could divorce you.

She could turn you into a parakeet,

and we could keep you in a cage.

Sweetheart, I thought you didn't want me to practice witchcraft.

I'll make an exception.

Because he hates me.

Oh.

[WHIMPERS]

If she doesn't leave, I will.

For how long?

I'll let you know.

Would you like a handkerchief?

No, thank you.

Just go upstairs and pack his bags.

Mother, I'm not planning to divorce him.

Oh, very well.

It was a passing thought.

The fault resides in man's inhumanity to man.

Take, for instance, the field of international water...

polo.

Hey, bartender, what happened to the drunk?

Samantha, I demand a good explanation.

Sweetheart, I think we've discovered a way of getting

Mother's powers back so she can leave.

That's good enough.

I needed you here so that we could reenact

the events of yesterday morning

prior to Mother losing her powers.

Macedonian Dodos can't have anything to do with it.

Come on, let's all go to the nursery.

[SQUAWKING]

[GASPS]

What's that?

That's a Macedonian Dodo. Oh!

Bobby, I told you to stay in my room.

Uh, Tabatha, who is Bobby?

He's Bobby the bird.

Where did you get him?

I made him up.

Ou-- Out of one of your picture books?

Oh, if I weren't so relieved I'd be furious.

[SQUAWKS]

When did you do it? Yesterday.

That's why she's been spending so much time in her room.

That's where I came in contact with it.

She must have hidden it in the closet.

Did you?

Oh, Tabatha.

I guess we owe Dr. Bombay an apology.

Samantha, this time you've plucked me off me porpoise.

Dr. Bombay, you were right.

A Macedonian Dodo bird.

[GRUNTS]

[QUACKS]

Ah!

Yes, a baby Macedonian Dodo bird.

Baby?!

Yes, indeed.

One of the species directly related to the giant Auk.

[QUACKS]

A-ha! Now the solution is simple.

[QUACKING]

[QUACKS LOUDLY]

Here, chup, chup, chup, chup.

Chup, chup, chup, chup.

Chup, chup, chup, chup,

chup, chup, chup, chup.

[SQUAWKS]

Stirring gently, so as not to bruise...

Drink this.

I'm cured.

Splendid.

I'll pop back to me porpoise.

CLARA: Help!

Aunt Clara?

Where are you?

CLARA: I'm on the roof.

Excuse me.

Oh, I-- I was flying back from the yacht races and--

And my engine conked out.

Oh, Aunt Clara,

I'm afraid your moment of infinite glory is over.

[SCREAMS]

Gladys, you sure pick strange places to get romantic.

You miss Bobby the bird?

Yes.

Aw...

Well, maybe if you're very, very good,

I'll let him come to your birthday party.

You will not.

How come that bird had no effect on you?

I don't know.

I guess I'm just immune to Macedonian Dodos.

Darrin, would you be happy if something were to happen

and I lost my powers?

That's a very difficult question.

With a very simple answer.

I love you, and I don't want you to change one bit.

You just stay as wonderful as you are.

You looking forward to a nice, quiet weekend?

I certainly am.

Hello, Samantha, darling.

Tweety-weety, Tabatha.

Hello, Endora. How are you?

I'm not speaking toyou.

That's a step in the right direction.

Your treatment of me

in my recent period of indisposition

is unforgivable.

And, might I add,

typical.

Endora, please forgive my lack of understanding.

I'll do anything you ask to make up for my poor behavior.

Why are you so gracious?

Oh, I don't know.

I do.

Why?

He saw what it was like to have you

as a normal, mortal mother-in-law,

and he decided he'd rather have you as a witch.

[???]