Original subtitles

Oh! You still here? I think so.

Although around here you can never be sure.

Yes, I’m still here.

(CHUCKLES)

I mean, aren’t you gonna be late for the office?

Mm-hmm.

You mean just ’cause Larry’s away, you’re gonna take advantage of it?

Can you think of a better time?

Anyway, I don’t have anything important on my schedule until tomorrow.

(CLATTERING) Hey! What was that?

If I am not mistaken, it is not a what.

It’s a who. Oh, boy.

Oh!

Step... There you are.

Oh. Are you all right?

How nice of you to drop in.

(BOTH LAUGH) Aunt Clara, if you ever want to try coming in

through the front door, I won’t object.

Well, we don’t care where you land. Here, let me take your bag and your brolly.

No, no, no. Come around here. Sit down.

Uh, here, aunt Clara. You’re welcome anytime. You want some coffee?

Oh, well, thank you. Now, thank you.

Ah. Safe and sound.

Oh, dear. Would you like part of the paper?

Oh, no, you keep that yourself, and I’ll just, uh, zap up one for myself.

(CLARA CHUCKLES)

Oh, dear. Now, let’s see...

Bubbling, bubbling potion,

uh, secret rhyme,

send me the morning

Herald Times.

Isn’t... Isn’t today Friday?

Aunt Clara, we’re going to have a little talk. I simply cannot...

Yes, it is.

(CLARA STAMMERS)

Oh, look! This is tomorrow’s paper!

Fine! But just let me finish.

I just want to find the sports, uh, section, you know.

Darrin’s just trying to tell you, darling, that...

Since when have you been interested in sports?

(CHUCKLES) If this is tomorrow’s newspaper,

then it will have today’s racing results.

So I’m going to, uh,

pick a horse,

and put something on its tail.

That’s "nose."

Let me see.

Sam!

Well!

Isn’t Larry Tate your boss?

Yes, but that doesn’t have anything to...

What about him?

It says he broke his leg.

DARRIN: What?

Yes, yes. There it is right there. "Larry Tate, president

of McMann and Tate, breaks leg."

Oh, no.

Oh, dear. I’d send him a get well card.

But this is tomorrow’s newspaper, and it hasn’t happened yet.

On this weekend of all weekends. He and Louise were going on

their second honeymoon.

Honeymoons are such fun, especially when you have someone with you.

Sam, uh... Yes? Oh.

Well, what... Sam, we’ve got to get to Larry.

We can’t. They made sure that no one would know where they were going.

So what? You can find him.

How?

You know.

Darrin, are you suggesting that I use witch... Yes, I am.

Sam, my boss and one of my best friends is about to break his leg!

We can prevent it. Are you gonna stand there and...

Oh, hold it.

We can prevent it?

Yeah. You can zap us to wherever they are,

And we can prevent Larry from breaking his leg.

"Yes" to part one, but I’m doubtful about part two.

Darrin, it’s dangerous fooling around with the future.

We’ll just have to take the risk. Sam, we’re wasting time. Let’s start twitching!

Us? We’re partners, huh?

Sam! All right. All right. Aunt Clara?

CLARA: Uh, yes?

Uh, dear, Darrin and I have to go out for a while.

Would you baby-sit until we get back?

Well, of course, dear. Yes.

Thank you.

Well, here we go.

Here, Darrin. Hang on, hang on. Oh.

You ready? Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Darrin, are you sure... Yes!

All right. Eyes that see all,

gentle winds,

take us to where our search begins.

Oh, I wish I could do that.

Now, let me see.

How does it go again?

Eyes that see all, gentle winds,

take me to where my search begins.

Ooh! Well, you can’t win them all, you know.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

What’d I tell you? Isn’t this place the greatest?

Oh, it’s wonderful, Larry.

And the best part of it is, not a single solitary soul knows where we are.

Everything all right, Mr. Tate?

Oh, perfect. You run a great place here, Mr. Murray.

You’re very kind.

I’ve got to stop hitting that brandy after dinner.

You know, you’ve really got marvelous legs, Louise.

We gotta find a way to show them more often.

Oh, you are the most charming liar I’ve ever known. (LAUGHS)

Darrin, do you really have the heart to intrude on a scene like that?

We’d better intrude, and fast. Can you think of a better way to break a leg

than on a badminton court?

How are you gonna explain our being here?

I’m not. I’m gonna put them on the defensive. Come on.

Larry? Louise?

Darrin! Samantha!

Okay, you two, who told you we were here?

What!

You blabbed! Oh, no... I...

Tell the truth, Louise. Samantha told you. Right?

Oh, no... I had no idea...

DARRIN: It’s okay. If you’re here, you’re here.

We know you want privacy as much as we do, so you respect ours, we’ll respect yours.

Right, Sam?

What? Oh, right.

Well, we’ll see you around. Or rather, we won’t see you around.

Now wait a minute.

What are you doing up here?

Uh, I’m here on business, in a way.

What kind of business?

Larry, you came up here to relax and enjoy yourself.

Here you are, worrying about the office. Forget about the office.

He’s right, dear. Come on. Let’s go play badminton. Come on.

Okay.

DARRIN: Uh, wait.

Uh, that’s no way to relax and enjoy yourself. It’s so physical.

You’ll get all tensed up.

Now, look, Darrin!

Sweetheart, it’s their vacation.

Why don’t we let them enjoy it the way they want?

Thank you.

Come on, Louise.

Sam, quick. Let’s change and get out there.

Into what? We didn’t bring anything.

Since when has that been a problem for us? "Us"?

Come on, Sam. Zap it up, zap it up!

No more bloody marys at breakfast either.

Good shot, dear. Your serve.

Hi.

LOUISE: Oh, I’m sorry, honey. Weren’t you ready?

I told you this was a dangerous game.

Well, don’t let us disturb you we’re not gonna stay.

Good.

You ready?

(GASPS)

Larry, you could’ve fallen over this bench.

You keep this up, and you’ll end up in the hospital.

So will you, if you don’t leave us...

Larry, this is too much for me.

Why don’t we go over by the pool? Okay by me.

See you.

Darrin, can’t you see how irritated he is?

He’d feel a lot worse with a broken leg.

Ever occur to you that a broken leg might not take as long

to fix as a broken friendship?

It’s got to be done, Sam. Come on.

Where? To the pool. Where else?

If you ask me, I think Darrin’s flipped.

Well, he is acting a little unusual. More unusual than usual?

Pretend we don’t see them.

Go on over there.

Oh, well, now, he can’t get into any trouble like that.

Why don’t we leave him alone? Sam, you never know. You just never know.

Larry!

Honey! That was marvelous!

Larry, that was great! Watch it!

Oh, uh, sunburn? No, just burned.

I didn’t know you were a gymnast, Larry.

Neither did I.

Well, where are you kids going to go now?

I don’t know. How about you kids?

I asked you first.

Larry, I feel a little done in

why don’t we just go to our room and relax,

by ourselves?

That’s a good idea.

Did you hear that? It’s okay with Samantha.

I hope you people don’t feel we’re deserting you.

Oh, no.

I’m thrilled.

Now, I hope you’re not going to suggest we follow them to their room.

Well... What could possibly happen to him in their room?

Sam, 80% of all accidents happen indoors.

Miracle of miracles, they’re not following us.

Quick! The skateboard. Get rid of it.

Yet.

Whew. There, you see?

If we weren’t here, he would’ve taken a header.

If we weren’t here, he’d be looking where he was going.

Come on.

You know, I hate to admit it, but you’re right about Darrin.

He is awfully thick-skinned. And he’s got a skull to match.

Wait, Larry. Hmm?

This is our first real honeymoon, you know.

Yeah. I’d almost forgotten. So?

So you’re supposed to carry me over the threshold.

Hmm. Lovey, prepare to be swept off your feet.

Darrin, this is ridiculous. I am not going to stand here and peep.

Why? There’s no law that says... There certainly is!

And I’m just not.

Here we are, alone at last, to coin a...

Oh, no!

Of all the colossal...

Look out for the coffee table!

Are you crazy?

Uh, the coffee table. You were about to crash into it.

Oh. Hi, Louise.

A little fast teamwork, and we avoided an accident.

Darrin, would you do me a favor? Get off my team.

Oh, oh. Oh, you scared me out of a year’s growth.

Aw.

Not that I want to grow anymore.

I just thought I’d pop in while I had the chance. How’s everything going?

Oh, fine. Just fine. I’m just warming up a bottle.

Oh, good.

And when the baby wakes up from her nap,

I’m going to warm a bottle for her, too.

Fine. Oh, aunt Clara, are there any messages?

Oh, yes, yes. I’m glad you reminded me.

Yes. Uh, Darrin’s secretary phoned and said...

The 2:00... Appointment tomorrow

has been changed to, uh, 3:00 today.

Oh! Now, wait a minute.

No, hmm. No. The 3:00...

(STAMMERING) The 3:00 appointment today...

Has been changed to the...

2:00 and... Aunt Clara, didn’t you write it down?

Oh, I’m glad you reminded me! Of course, I did. Oh, good, good.

I...

Oh, dear. I should’ve used pencil.

Yes.

Oh, I remember!

There were three t’s.

What?

There were three t’s in the message.

Three t’s?

The meeting for tomorrow is for 2:00 today.

"The meeting for today is at 3:00 tomorrow" also has three t’s in it.

Now... Don’t confuse me.

Oh, uh, sorry, dear.

No. No, definitely, definitely, it was for 2:00 today.

Oh! And it’s 1:00 now!

I better get back to Darrin. Kiss Tabatha for me.

That’s one thing I can do.

Why don’t you lie down and take a nap, dear?

I’m not spending all this money to sleep.

Is he still there? Like he was nailed to the ground.

I don’t see her though.

I wonder if they have a rear entrance to this place or an escape hatch.

I’ve gotta get a complete checkup.

I think I will lie down.

The meeting’s been changed to 2:00 today?

Are you sure? Mm-hmm. Positive. It has three t’s in it.

What? Oh. Well, just a little joke.

Anyway, I’m glad. I think we’ve made pests of ourselves long enough. Shall we go?

Are you kidding? Larry won’t be out of the woods till midnight.

Now, I...

I’m going, but you stay here and keep your eye on Larry.

Don’t let him out of your sight.

I’m ready for takeoff.

Oh, and honey, see if you can land me near the water cooler. I’m thirsty.

Oh, yes. A complete checkup.

And the sooner the better.

Larry. Huh?

Samantha’s out there alone now.

You don’t see Darrin? Uh-uh.

Then I have a perfectly terrific idea.

Larry? Yes, Samantha?

I know it looks as if we’re intruding on your vacation,

and, well, I just want you to know I feel terrible about it.

That makes two of us.

Excuse me.

SAM: Larry?

Um, I wanted to say that things aren’t always what they seem.

And I think you ought to know that you have a very valuable friend in Darrin.

Well, with a friend like that, who needs...

Anything else? No.

Fine. Excuse me.

Now what?

I could make myself invisible.

Ooh. Samantha, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Darrin, I don’t know if that meeting’s over or not, but you’ve got to come back.

Thanks, Stephens. And sorry again about bringing you in from out of town.

That’s perfectly okay. But I am kind of anxious to get back though,

So if you gentlemen will excuse me, I’ll be going.

Good-bye. Good-bye.

Oh, Stephens...

You know, when he says he’s going, he really goes.

Man, this is the end.

The real end. The last outpost where a man can be alone.

You know it.

You!

Nothing like a good steam, huh?

For your information, I didn’t have to come here to get steamed.

Why don’t you and Samantha get lost?

Well, Larry, that’s not a very nice thing to say.

You make it sound as though we’ve been pests.

Oh. Do I?

Well, have we?

Oh, what’s the use. Well, in that case, let me make up for it.

Dinner tonight’s on me. Champagne, the whole bit. What do you say?

I tell you, I’ve had it up to my eyeballs. I won’t stand for anymore!

Well, I don’t blame you, dear. Louise, we’re going to be alone,

even if it means the end of our friendship.

Oops.

Dinner here is black tie. You’d better, uh...

Yeah. All right.

One black tie coming up.

What I need is a vacation... In some other hotel.

Well, what are you going to say to them?

I’m simply going to say... (KNOCK AT DOOR)

I’ll show you what I’m simply going to say.

Please, dear, be calm. Aha.

Hi there. Hello.

I just thought we’d get a little head start on dinner.

Uh, Darrin, Samantha. We’re not going to have dinner with you.

Was that calm enough?

Uh, not that we don’t appreciate it, but, well, we just can’t.

Oh, we understand. Don’t we, Darrin?

Of course, we do. They just don’t want us to pick up the check.

In that case, we’ll go dutch.

That’s not what I had in mind.

Well, then, if you insist, you pick up the tab!

Darrin, I’m going to make something clear to you

or die in the attempt.

We want to be alone.

Oh!

You do understand?

Right, Louise.

Then we’ll have dinner served right here.

LARRY: Darrin, does a house have to fall on you?

We want to be alone, with each other.

Without you! This is supposed to be a honeymoon, not a... A tourist attraction.

Well, we... Honeymoon?

You mean second honeymoon, don’t you?

No, Samantha. This is our first.

But I don’t...

Because when we started to have one ten years ago, I broke my leg.

You... Broke your leg, ten years ago?

LOUISE: To the day, in fact. And that’s the reason.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

I... I think I’m thinking it.

(GASP) Tomorrow’s date, ten years ago.

Marvelous. I’ll have to have a little talk with Aunt Clara.

Forget about Aunt Clara! How do we get out of this?

You couldn’t freeze them permanently, could you?

Oh, Darrin, don’t be ridiculous.

Well, you got us into this! Get us out.

I got us into this?

Well, let’s not stand here bickering. Do something.

Well, how about...

Yes. Yes, it’s the only way.

Whatever it is, Sam, do it, do it!

Where’d you send them? Back to this morning, when they arrive.

But... Shh. Here they come.

We’d better get lost.

Come on! I just wanna make sure it works.

Oh, it’s perfect!

I thought you’d like it. Well, here we are.

There you go. Thank you.

Look at this.

Oh, Sam, the champagne!

Wonder who sent the champagne.

"For a fun evening. Samantha and Darrin."

Say, that’s very...

You told them where we were going. I did not.

Well then how did they know?

LOUISE: What’s the difference? It was very sweet of them.

As a matter of fact, Larry, I was thinking it might have been kind of fun

to have them along.

Yeah. Yeah, it might have been.

Well, if that’s the way they feel... Darrin.

A house does have to fall on you, doesn’t it?

Oh, uh, more coffee, sweetheart?

No, thank you, sweetheart. I gotta run.

With Larry still on his honeymoon, I’ve got double duty at the office.

I hope he doesn’t remember our being there yesterday.

He might hold it against you for some of the things you did.

What happened to "us"?

Well, anyway, I learned a lesson: never fool around with the future.

And I learned one too:

If you want a newspaper, go to the corner store.

I hope you’ll remember that, Aunt Clara.

I hope so, too.

Bye.

See you tonight, honey. Mm-hmm.

Oh. Oh, Samantha, I wish I had your flair.

What’s this?

That is your flare, Aunt Clara.

(CHUCKLES)