Original subtitles

(TWITCHES NOSE)

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye, sweetheart. Bye-bye.

Be a good girl.

(SIGHS)

Other kids leave their toys lying around. In my house, they’re flying around.

Sam!

Sam! Yes?

Sam, you’ve gotta do something about Tabatha flying her toys around the house.

Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart.

Every time I catch her, I tell her, "no."

But it’s awfully hard to break a child of doing something that comes naturally.

Honey, it’s not me I’m worried about, but what about my parents?

What about my mother? Oh.

What if Tabatha twitches her nose and Peter Rabbit here flies into her lap?

That’s liable to be a little hard to explain.

To say the very least.

Look, from the time my parents get here until the time they leave,

I hereby give you permission to fight witchcraft with witchcraft.

Well! I think I better get that in writing.

I mean it, honey. It’s the only way.

Okay. But remember, it was your idea.

(TWITCHES NOSE)

Sam, I said after my folks get here.

Sorry, sweetheart. I was just practicing.

Oh, I’d better hurry.

I’ll try to get home early to help out. Okay.

Good luck, sweetheart. Bye, Tabatha!

Daddy.

Sam? Sam!

I thought you just left.

So did I. So what am I doing here when I was just standing on the front porch?

I don’t know. I certainly didn’t do it.

Daddy.

Endora. Oh, Tabatha, no.

You mustn’t do that. Tabatha?

How could she?

I, I’m afraid it’s wish craft.

Wish craft? Uh-huh.

W-i-s-h craft. She’s going through a new stage.

Whenever she wishes for someone she really loves to

be with her, they automatically are.

Wish craft. Mmm.

Darling, I know it’s going to be difficult.

You really ought to be kind of proud of her though.

Most children don’t go through this stage until much later.

Well, I must say she’s got a great sense of timing.

Just when my folks are coming!

Oh!

Sam, it’s tough enough having a baby daughter who’s a witch...

Shh!

You sneak out. I’ll try and distract her.

(WHISPERS) Does she have to be a

precocious witch in the bargain?

Darrin! Go out the door.

Where’s your bunny rabbit, sweetheart?

Yes, there it is. There’s your... Rabbit.

There’s your bunny rabbit.

Rabbit.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

All right now, Tabatha. During the time that

Grandma and Grandpa Stephens are visiting,

No more of that, huh? Okay.

Okay. That is definitely a no-no.

Oh, no! Oh, Tabatha!

You can’t have started that already!

And how’s my little darling today?

(SIGHS) Mother, it was you! Oh, now, don’t lecture me, Samantha.

I’m merely exercising my right to see my own little granddaughter.

Well, I’m not angry. As a matter of fact, I’m delighted to see you.

You are? How refreshing!

Could you stay for a while?

I may need your help. Darrin’s parents are in town, and

they’re coming over this afternoon.

Oh, my poor Samantha.

Having to put up with Darwin is bad enough, but his parents!

Mother, please? If I ever needed another witch in the house, it’s today.

Of course, dear.

Besides, Mr. Stephens isn’t half-bad.

Mother, you will be nice to Mrs. Stephens?

She’s sort of sensitive.

(SCOFFS)

Will you please? Hmm?

Well, all right. I’ll stay.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Stephens! (EXCLAIMING)

Hi.

How nice to see you.

How’s my favorite daughter-in-law?

SAM: Oh, just fine. Oh, Samantha, dear.

You look a little pale. Are you feeling all right?

Oh, yeah. Nonsense, Phyllis. She looks terrific.

Thank you. You remember my mother. Oh, certainly.

Mrs. Stephens. Do you live here now?

Live here? Whatever gave you that idea?

Well, it’s, uh... It’s just that the last time we were here, you were here.

Yes.

And, uh, well, here you are again.

It seems that every time we visit Darrin and Samantha, you’re here.

Mm-hmm. It’s quite a coincidence.

It’s a wonderful coincidence. Oh, Mr. Stephens!

How well you look. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?

Mmm.

You’re looking as handsome as ever.

Well! Why are we all standing here?

Let’s go in and have some tea.

Did you have lunch?

On the plane. It was very greasy.

I, I made some of those little sweet rolls from the recipe you gave me.

You really must taste one and let me know how I’ve done.

Shall we be comfortable, Mr. Stephens?

Yes.

Your recipes have been such a tremendous success. Please sit down.

Oh, Frank, I left my hanky in my coat pocket.

Would you get it for me? Oh, sure.

Where’s Tabatha? I can’t wait to see how she’s grown.

Well, I just put her down for her nap, but she should be up shortly.

I think you’ll be surprised at the, uh, change in her.

Here, dear. Thank you.

I get such a terrible head cold whenever I fly.

Oh, really?

I never do. Me neither.

But Phyllis here, she could write a book, A ches and Pains For Every Occasion.

I, I’ll get the tea. Mother, will you help?

Oh, certainly, darling. I’d be glad to help, Samantha.

Oh, no, no, Mrs. Stephens.

You sit right down and relax.

You do look a little peaked.

Phyllis, you might make a little effort to get along with Samantha’s mother.

What for, dear? You seemed to be making effort enough for both of us.

(TELEPHONE RINGS) Oh, I’ll get it, Samantha.

(RINGING)

Hello? Oh, Darrin! It’s Mother.

Oh, it’s wonderful to hear your voice, too.

Do you have a sore throat?

No, Mother, I’m fine. Really. How was your trip?

Oh, it was all right.

Samantha’s mother greeted us at the door.

Does she visit very often? Phyllis!

Endora? What’s she doing there?

I’m sure I don’t know, dear.

But is does seem strange that every time we come to visit, she’s here, too.

You know, in-laws can cause such a terrible problem if, if they intrude too much.

Uh, let me talk to Sam, Mother.

All right, dear. It’s Darrin, Samantha.

Oh, thank you.

Say hello to him for me, will you?

Sure. Hi, sweetheart. Your father says, "hello."

Sam, what’s your mother doing there? Haven’t we got enough problems without her?

Oh, yes, yes. They both look wonderful.

Traveling obviously agrees with them. By the way,

Mother dropped in a little while ago. Isn’t that nice?

Sam, I want her out of the house immediately.

If there’s one thing we don’t need today it’s another witch

Oh, sweetheart, that’s exactly what we do need.

I’m coming home right away, and I want her out!

Really? Oh, that’s wonderful.

Then you’ll be able to come home early. They’re so anxious to see you.

Oh, yes. They’re both standing right here.

Uh, hang on a minute, sweetheart.

Would you pour, Mrs. Stephens? I’ll be right there.

Of course, dear. Come, Frank.

Darrin! Mother is trying to help, which is more than I can say for you at...

Do you take cream or lemon, dear?

Lemon, please, Mrs. Stephens.

You were saying, sweetheart?

I was saying I’m coming home, and I want your mother out of the house!

I’ll wait till you’re off the phone, dear, so your tea won’t get cold.

In the meantime, I’m going upstairs and take a look at Tabatha.

Mother! Yes, dear?

Mother, Mrs. Stephens would like to take a peek at Tabatha.

Would you show her where the nursery is?

I know where the nursery is.

I’ll go with you.

In case she’s up, we wouldn’t want her to be startled

by an unfamiliar face. Now, would we?

What’s going on? What did I hear?

Has something happened already?

Darrin, we’ll discuss it when you get home.

Bye-bye, sweetheart.

When’s Darrin coming home? He said...

It’s all right, Samantha. You can tell me. I know

What these family squabbles are.

What squabble? Are you and Darrin having a fight?

Why, no, I... I suppose Dagwood was being boorish and insensitive again.

His name is Darrin. FRANK: Named after his grandfather.

And I resent you calling him insensitive. I heard the tone Samantha used on the phone.

Now, really... Knowing Durwood, I would say she kept her temper admirably.

His name is Darvin! I, I mean Darrin.

What’s the difference? What dreadful thing did he say to you, dear?

He didn’t say...

Whatever it was, I’m sure it was perfectly justified.

Oh, now, Mrs. Stephens... You ought to know.

You were eavesdropping on the whole conversation.

Mother!

Since you and my son obviously don’t get along, wouldn’t it be a better idea

if you left his house before he gets home?

I am not accustomed to be told to leave my own daughter’s house.

I’ll be right back, Frank.

I don’t think that Sam and Darrin were having a fight.

Oh, what do you know?

I tell you, they’re in serious trouble,

and that woman is at the heart of it. (SCOFFS)

Oh, mother! You were supposed to be a help!

Now look what’s happened, even before Tabatha’s awake.

Oh, this is awful!

He made you cry. That brute has made you cry!

It’s not Darrin! And I’m not crying.

Maybe not on the outside, but on the inside, the tears are flowing.

Oh, Mother, I wish you’d...

Well, I can see that my presence is no longer required.

Good.

Make my daughter cry, will you?

For every tear my daughter has shed,

may buckets of water fall on your head.

(GROANING) Endora!

Mr. Stephens...

Mr. Stephens, you’re being rained on.

Uh, uh, the, the roof is, uh, leaking.

I can’t very well work in an office where the roof is leaking.

I think I’ll take the rest of the afternoon off.

But it’s not raining outside. It’s raining inside, on you.

Sudden cloudburst.

You probably just didn’t notice it.

Don’t worry, though, I already called the roofing repair people.

They should be right over.

Well, good-bye.

Thank you.

So you see, Mrs. Stephens, it’s all been a misunderstanding.

There’s nothing wrong between Darrin and me.

That’s what I told you. You’ve just been imagining things again.

I know what I heard, Frank. It’s all right, Samantha.

You don’t have to cover up. Married people have little squabbles all the time.

I’ll say.

But there’s nothing to cover up, Mrs. Stephens.

Darrin and I are as happy as a couple of clams. And when he comes in, you’ll see.

Well, if I imagined it, so did your mother.

She was certainly under the impression you were having a fight.

By the way, where is your mother?

Uh, she had an engagement.

But she told me to tell you how very, very nice it was to see you again.

Well, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll make some more tea.

Now, don’t you feel a little foolish?

Not in the least. I don’t believe a word she said.

Darrin!

Darrin, you’re being rained on.

Mother! Mother!

At your beck and call, darling. Shh!

Ooh! There he is. Doesn’t he look all fresh and dewy?

Just turn it off!

All right.

Mother, why? He made you cry.

Oh, Mother!

Endora, this is absolutely the last...

Time...

Daddy.

(GROANS) Yes, sweetheart. This is Daddy.

What are you trying to do?

I didn’t do a thing!

(GASPS) Tabatha!

He must be in the nursery.

PHYLLIS: Samantha, is that Darrin? Mother, quickly.

Toodle-oo.

Samantha, didn’t I just hear Darrin’s voice?

Darrin? No. He always uses the front door.

That’s funny. I could have sworn...

That is Tabatha’s voice. She must be up. I’ll go see.

That’s peculiar. I know I heard Darrin’s voice,

but, I didn’t hear Tabatha’s voice.

Oh, Darrin! What’s going on?

Shh. Your mother and father think you haven’t come in yet.

Well, if you’re talking about the way normal people go in and out, I haven’t.

She also thinks we’ve had a fight.

We have!

No, I mean a big fight. Now, what you have to do is go back outside

and make an entrance to show your mother everything’s all right.

I’m not sure that it is. Is your mother gone?

Yes.

Darrin, please.

How can I go outside and make an entrance

when my daughter won’t let me go ten feet away from her?

Darrin, is that you?

Ohh! In the closet. Quick.

Samantha, I’m sure I just heard Darrin’s voice. Isn’t he here?

Here? Oh, Mrs. Stephens, you must be imagining it.

Samantha, ever since we arrived, people have been

telling me I’ve been imagining things.

Now, I know I heard Darrin’s voice.

Tabatha, look who’s here. Grandmother Stephens.

Well, what do you think of her?

Oh, my, she has grown.

Do you remember me, darling? (DARRIN SNEEZES)

Daddy. No, no! You mustn’t do that.

What did the child do?

Well, uh, she didn’t finish her nap.

You know how important it is for children to get their sleep.

She heard something in that closet, and so did I.

I’m beginning to feel like a yo-yo.

A soaking wet yo-yo.

I’ll be right down, Mrs. Stephens.

Well... I’ll be there.

Sam, this is ridiculous!

Shh. Oh, I know, sweetheart, and I’m very sorry.

It’s been a nightmare ever since your parents arrived.

Well, we’ll be out of it soon, darling. You just pop me outside,

and I’ll make an entrance that’ll make Romeo and Juliet look like cool acquaintances.

Ooh, you really are drenched. Better let me zap you into some dry clothes.

Never mind! There’s been enough zapping going on around here today.

I’ll change into something. All right. But as soon as you’re ready,

I’ll have to pop you outside.

No! Yeah, I guess you better.

Okay, hurry up.

Must be like kissing a minnow.

(DOORBELL RINGS) Maybe that’s Darrin.

Well, does he usually ring the bell of his own door?

(WHISPERS) Oh, Mother, go away. I finished early, dear,

So I thought I’d drop by to see how things were going.

Oh! Oh, you’re still here, I see.

Endora, I’m awfully glad you could come back.

Thank you.

Yes, I’m glad you came back too, Endora.

Because I have something to say to Samantha that I want you to hear.

By all means.

I wouldn’t miss this for the world.

Frank and I think that Samantha and Darrin are having difficulties

because you’ve been intruding too much on their lives.

Oh? Do you think so too, Frank?

(SCOFFS) It doesn’t matter what he thinks.

I’m speaking for Darrin.

That’s nice, because he often has difficulty speaking for himself.

PHYLLIS: You see, that’s exactly what I mean.

You’re constantly criticizing my son to Samantha.

Durwood needs no criticism from me.

What’s wrong with him is for the whole world to see.

There is nothing wrong with my son.

But if Samantha has allowed you to influence her,

Then I would say the trouble is with her.

Samantha, dear, this discussion is for your benefit.

I really think you should pay attention.

Sam, where are... There you are!

Oh, sweetheart! I missed you!

DARRIN: You look gorgeous. SAM: Thank you.

Is that a new dress?

No, no, I’ve had it for months.

Well, you make it look new! Mom, pop!

It’s good to see you! Doesn’t she look terrific?

Great. You look fine too, Darrin.

Thanks, pop. Mom, you look younger every time I see you!

Endora, sweetheart!

It was so nice of you to drop in while the folks are here.

This has all the earmarks of a put-up job.

You see, everything’s just fine.

Your mother had some cockeyed notion that things weren’t

going so well between you and Sam.

(DARRIN CHUCKLES) Darrin, are you sure?

I told you it was all your imagination.

Mrs. Stephens, I have an excellent idea.

Why don’t you go upstairs and bring Tabatha down? I think she’s napped enough.

Uh, Sam...

Oh, I’d love to.

Mother, dear.

Imagining things. They’re both trying to cover up. I know what I saw.

Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

She still doesn’t believe me. I’m gonna have to convince her

that you can’t always believe what you think you see.

Oh.

Would you care to join me in a little tactical witchcraft?

With pleasure.

Come to grandmother, sweetie.

I’m having one of my sick headaches.

There. That ought to do it.

Shall we join the gentlemen?

Oh, what a shame. I was having such fun.

I’ll just take the tea things out, and then I’ll start dinner.

DARRIN: How about a drink, pop? FRANK: Good idea.

DARRIN: Honey? SAM: I’d love one.

None for me, dear.

Oh, Samantha, Darrin.

I want to apologize to you both. You were right.

My imagination’s been playing tricks on me.

But I’m delighted it was me, instead of a real battle between you two.

Don’t give it another thought, Mrs. Stephens.

She must be tired after her long journey. Poor dear.

Daddy.

It’s all right, honey! Daddy’s right here.

Oh, she really loves her daddy, doesn’t she?

Oh, she certainly does.

Samantha, the dinner was absolutely delicious. You’re a marvelous cook.

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Stephens. I’m so glad you liked it.

Endora, I must compliment you too. I’m sure you taught

Samantha most of what she knows.

Well, I try, but she doesn’t like my methods.

(LAUGHS) Oh, Mother!

PHYLLIS: Really. Now, isn’t that way with children?

But you and I must swap recipes.

I have one for a perfectly divine sponge cake.

Uh, Pop, your fork. You dropped your fork.

Did you s-see that? What?

That apple. It floated right over to her.

Oh, Frank, for heaven’s sake. What a silly thing to say. Now you’re imagining things.

Yeah, maybe I am. But I could’ve sworn...

Oh, she just loves apples.