Original subtitles

Good morning, Samantha.

I just popped in on my way to the Casbah.

Ben Ahmed is giving

the most marvelous cocktail party for the prime minister.

Oh, well, that’s lovely, mother, but I can’t talk right now.

I overslept and Darrin’s breakfast isn’t ready.

Oh, very well. I’ll pitch in and help.

No, don’t.

(PHONE RINGING)

(RINGING CONTINUES)

Hello?

Uh, no, ma’am. This is the Stephens residence.

I’m afraid you have the wrong number. It’s quite all right.

Yeah.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello? No, ma’am.

I’m sorry. You have the wrong number. It’s quite all right.

Digit dialing. (RINGING)

Hello? No, ma’am, I am sorry!

This is not The Sunnydale Rest Home!

No, I don’t mean I’m sorry it’s not.

It isn’t.

Or is it?

Three wrong numbers in a row?

That was no lady. That was my mother-in-law.

What are they up to?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Listen, if you ring this phone one more time, I’m--

Oh, uh... Hello, Larry.

I’m sorry I shouted at you. I thought you were my mother-in-law.

Mother-in-law? You’re not afraid to talk like that to your mother-in-law?

Darrin, if you were here, I’d get your autograph.

Instead, I got some news for you. Looks like you’re gonna take a little trip.

Oh? Uh, where?

Uh, when?

Well, in that case, maybe Sam would--

Oh.

Well, of course, if they aren’t--

Yeah.

Oh, sure. Bye, Lar.

Breakfast is ready.

Bad news. I resent you addressing me like that.

I wasn’t addressing you. I just said, "bad news."

You were looking at me.

If the shoe fits.

I’m warning you, shoes can kick!

Uh, what do you mean, bad news?

We’re going to Honolulu. When?

This afternoon. We are?

Honolulu! Uh, Sam.

And you call that bad news? Sam.

You certainly didn’t give me much time to brush up on my hula.

Honey, it’s business.

That’s marvelous. It’s so much more fun on an expense account.

Sam, you’re not going. I can’t take you.

Oh. You said "we."

"We" means the clients and myself.

They can’t take their wives, so I can’t very well take you.

Oh. It might get them in trouble with their own wives.

(SIGHS) Well, it certainly was an exciting trip while it lasted.

I don’t think I could get to Honolulu and back that fast flying solo.

Actually, I don’t know what business it is of theirs whether I take my wife or not.

Oh, Darrin, it doesn’t matter. It’s the principle.

Darrin, if you really wanted me to go,

I could turn myself into a necktie and sort of hang around.

No, that’s out.

I’m not taking you along through witchcraft.

All right. That’s settled. Now, eat your breakfast.

Oh, I won’t have time. I have to meet with the clients and come back here and pack.

But, sweetheart, you have to eat something. Don’t worry.

I’ll call the coffee shop and have them send me up some jelly donuts.

(SIGHS) Oh, my!

(CHUCKLES) He’ll never win an Oscar for that performance.

What do you mean, performance?

Oh!

I wouldn’t trust a mortal out of my spell for two seconds.

He’s up to something.

Oh, mother. You know, you’re impossible!

I know Darrin. He really wishes I could go.

Very well. We’ll see how good he is at wishing.

I’ve given him three wishes to prove it.

You what? You can’t!

I already have.

Mother, that’s worse than reading somebody else’s mail.

Worse? It’s almost as good as.

Now you’ll know how three-faced mortals are.

(CHUCKLING) (SIGHS)

Betty, make eight copies of this, will you, please?

Larry. Well, you certainly got down to the office early. Hello, Darrin.

Morning, Betty. Good morning, Mr. Stephens.

Well, I had to revise some estimates before the committee meeting.

I hate to do financial work at home.

Every time Louise sees a dollar sign, she goes shopping.

Mr. Stephens, I have your ticket for Honolulu.

Don’t give it to him. Give it to me.

(SIGHS) Change of plans. The clients just called.

It seems they’d rather have the head of the company with them.

And that’s me. You’re kidding.

I wish I were. I had other plans.

Man, did I have other plans.

Well, I’d better call Sam. She may have started packing already.

Mmm.

Well. I wonder what he’d like to take to Honolulu.

Toss a coin. Blonde or redhead.

Oh, very funny. (PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Oh, hi, sweetheart.

I just got your suitcase out of the closet.

Well, put it back in the closet. I don’t have to go.

You don’t?

The clients decided they wanted Larry to go instead of me.

They changed their minds just like that.

(CHUCKLING) Oh, wonderful!

What is so funny?

He got his first wish. He doesn’t have to go to Honolulu.

The clients changed their minds

just like that. He’s not going.

(MOCKING) Oh, ho, ho, ho. Just like that, eh?

Oh, mother, you’re such a sore loser.

Sweetheart, I have an idea. The suitcase gave it to me.

This weekend, why don’t we--

Oh, well, hold it, sweetheart. Don’t get your hopes up.

With Larry gone, I’m going to have a lot of extra work.

Starting with Buffy Baker.

You’ll have to escort her to the regional sales convention luncheon.

And cocktails later.

Uh, Sam, I may be a little late for dinner tonight.

You have to take her where?

Her?

Oh, to luncheon and cocktails? Sure, sweetheart. That’s fine.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye, sweetheart. See you tonight.

Has to take her where? Oh, mother, it’s purely routine.

Oh, ho, ho, ho. I’ll bet it’s routine.

Darrin’s company is handling the advertising

for the tropical bathing suit campaign.

A "her" in a bathing suit. Oh!

Now we’re getting to the heart of the first wish.

Save your smirking, mother. It’s purely normal and natural.

When Larry leaves town, Darrin has to take over for him.

I’m curious. I’m really curious to see

what his second wish will be.

(LAUGHING) Oh, you are evil.

Oh.

Excuse me. She’s here.

Buffy? Ask her to come in.

(CHUCKLES)

LARRY: Well, come in, come in, come in.

Aren’t I in?

Isn’t she cute?

I believe you know Mr. Stephens.

Oh, yes. I never forget a face-- Oh, oh, oh!

Easy, Buffy. You all right?

Oh. Oh, there you are.

I’m sorry, Mr. Stephens, but the company asked me not to wear my glasses.

They said when I’m in a bathing suit,

I’m not the one who is doing the looking.

Uh, yes. I mean, uh, hello!

Hello. (ALL CHUCKLING)

Uh, won’t you sit down? Oh, yes.

There you are. Oh.

Oh. Uh, Buffy, I’ve been called out of town on business.

So Mr. Stephens will escort you to the luncheon and the cocktail party.

Oh, how sweet of you.

He’ll make a little speech introducing you.

Oh, I’m just breathless to hear it.

And tomorrow the car will pick you up and take you to the airport.

Remember, you’ve got a banquet in Boston.

I know, I know. And then the day after tomorrow,

I have a luncheon in Chicago.

And then a banquet in Detroit.

Then I’m off three days to reduce before St. Louis.

Mr. Stephens will take wonderful care of you.

My, how cozy that will be, won’t it?

(BUFFY CHUCKLING) (CLEARS THROAT)

Darrin, before I go to Honolulu,

I want you to know one thing.

What?

I hate you.

(CHUCKLES)

Hi, honey. Mmm, hi, sweetheart. Larry got off all right?

Right on the button. What’s for dinner? Creamed chicken.

Mmm. Well, I thought you liked it.

I had it for lunch. I’m sorry.

I can fix you something else. Oh, no. I love yours.

It’ll help me forget that stuff I had at the luncheon.

I saw Buffy’s bathing suit ad in a magazine this afternoon.

Is she really as pretty in person as she is in pictures?

Oh, prettier. Uh, but up here, nothing.

Well, anyone who’s as pretty as she is doesn’t need anything up here.

Well, pretty or not, I’m stuck with her.

I’m going to have to fly to Boston to introduce her at a sales banquet.

Boston? Mm-hmm. My lousy luck.

They liked my speech so much at the luncheon, they insisted

I repeat it tomorrow night in Boston.

Oh, how long will you be gone?

Only a few hours, thanks to the jet age.

I should be back in time for dinner.

If you don’t mind waiting till 9:00 or 10:00.

I thought you said it was a banquet.

I’ve had my last forkful of creamed chicken.

I’m not going to eat-- I mean, banquet creamed chicken.

You don’t have to explain.

I want to be back in time to have dinner with you.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, I’d better call Buffy at the hotel.

Larry told me to keep close tabs on her.

She can’t remember what city she’s in. (CHUCKLING)

Wish number two: Buffy in Boston.

Oh, hello, mother. I thought you were in the Casbah.

I was, but I wouldn’t miss this for the world.

You’re wasting your time. (CHUCKLES)

DARRIN: Samantha! Yes, sweetheart?

Is my dinner jacket back from the cleaner’s yet? I wanna wear it on the plane.

Yes, it’s in the closet. Dinner jacket.

How positively gala.

He’s not eating there. He’s coming home to have dinner with me.

Oh, maybe he will and maybe he won’t.

I’d say it all depends on wish number three.

(PHONE RINGING)

(RINGING CONTINUES)

Hello. Hello?

Oh, hi, sweetheart. Where are you? Boston?

Ha.

But Darrin, you said that--

Why can’t you get a plane? Didn’t you make a reservation?

(HUMMING FUNERAL DIRGE) Shh!

Oh, but, sweetheart, that’s absurd.

Why aren’t the planes taking off?

Honey, Boston has been hit by a sudden snowstorm.

A snowstorm?

Why, it’s so warm and balmy here, we were gonna have dinner on the patio.

Honey, I don’t care what the weather’s like down there.

I’m trying to tell you what it’s like up here. Boston’s been hit by a freak snowstorm.

Oh? A freak snowstorm.

When I give wishes, they’re really spectacular.

And all the flights are canceled.

Hmm?

Oh, no, honey. I’m all right. I have a room right here at the hotel.

Yes, the same one where they had the banquet.

It’s pretty full because of the convention, but I managed to get a room.

Now don’t worry. I’m perfectly all right.

I’ll see you as soon as I can get a plane out of here.

All right, sweetheart. Bye-bye.

(SIGHS)

Well, you wanna stay for dinner?

What are we eating, crow?

(KNOCKING)

Hi. Hi.

Can I come in?

Yes, uh, certainly.

Mainly, I wanted to get away from all those jokes in the lobby.

Jokes? About my bathing suits...

And the snowstorm coming in to cool things off.

You were supposed to be flying to Chicago, weren’t you?

The planes aren’t taking off. I know.

The hotel’s full, and I can’t get a room.

Of course, some of the gentlemen

were kind enough to offer, but-- Never mind...

Uh, you can have this room.

I’ll go out to the airport and wait for the first flight out.

Oh, I wouldn’t feel right putting you out of here.

Well, I wouldn’t feel right staying.

Have a wonderful tour. Bye-bye.

Wait. Hmm?

I wanted to get another look at you before you go.

I like you.

(CHUCKLES)

Have a wonderful tour. Bye.

Goodbye.

(CHIMING)

I didn’t say anything.

I didn’t say you said anything.

Well, I just said I didn’t say anything.

Then may I say how happy I am that you are not saying anything.

(DOORBELL RINGING) That’s Darrin.

Oh, he couldn’t get back from Boston that fast.

He was fooling me. Calling me from the airport.

I knew it all the time.

Hi. Telegram for Mr. Stephens.

Oh, thank you. Oh!

What is it? Oh, a telegram for Darrin from Honolulu.

Probably from Larry. Perhaps you’d better call him in Boston.

No, I don’t think that’s necessary.

How do you know it isn’t necessary?

It may be urgent. I think you’d better call him.

Mmm-mmm. No, I’m sure it can wait.

Well, he’ll probably want you to open it up and read it to him.

That’s what any thoughtful, considerate, mortal wife would do.

Mmm? Go ahead. Go ahead. Call him.

Oh. All right.

(RINGING)

(SIGHS)

Hello?

Hello? Oh, I’m sorry. There must be some mistake.

I wanted Mr. Stephens’ room.

This is Mr. Stephens’ room.

May I speak to Mr. Stephens, please?

Oh, I’m sorry. He isn’t here.

Um, could you tell me where I could reach Mr. Stephens?

No, I’m sorry. I don’t know where he is right now.

But, if you’ll only pardon me, I am dead.

(YAWNS)

I didn’t say one thing.

(WOMAN ON P.A. INDISTINCT)

Mr. Ben Pepperdine. Mr. Ben Pepperdine,

please come to gate 34.

DARRIN: Hi, honey.

Would you believe it? It took until this afternoon to get a plane out.

Ooh. If you ever wanna ruin your back,

just try sleeping on one of those airport benches.

I think they make ’em that way on purpose to discourage the bums.

Hi, honey.

I don’t blame you for not wanting to be kissed. I haven’t shaved.

Hey, I got good news for you.

My speech got more laughs in Boston than it did here.

All in all, I think the trip was worth it.

Ow! Watch it, honey.

You know, I’ve only been to Boston three times,

and I like it more each time I go.

Uh, you and I ought to go there sometime.

Sam, I may be mistaken,

but I think that maybe you’re peeved about something.

Did anything happen while I was gone?

Well, I certainly couldn’t have done anything.

Did I?

Did I? Sam, I asked you a question.

Did I? Sam,

you’re going to stay right here and talk to me.

Samantha! Sam, where are you?

Well, I can see you wherever you are.

Now listen to me, Sam! SAMANTHA: Darrin, I’m leaving you.

Sam!

I’m going home to mother.

What do you mean, going home to mother? Your mother’s always here.

Sam. Sam, where are you?

Now put that down!

Let... Let go!

Well, you told me to let go. Ow!

Sam, what’s the matter? Did somebody tell you something or what?

What have I done?

Sam, now cut this out! I wanna see you immediately!

Samantha, you’re my wife, and I demand that you appear before me!

Listen to me, Sam. Don’t do anything that you may regret later on.

Where do you think you’re going?

You’re not leaving this house!

She couldn’t.

Sam. Sam, please wait!

Please wait!

All right. Go ahead!

I can’t stop you, and I know it.

Even if you were a mortal, I couldn’t stop you!

But in all fairness, don’t you think I’m entitled to know why?

The very least you can do is tell me why!

Very well. What are you wearing?

My flying suit. Oh.

Mother warned me about you and that model, but I didn’t believe her.

Buffy? Me interested in Buffy?

Oh, Sam, don’t make me laugh.

Don’t you use that patronizing tone with me, or I won’t say another word.

Me interested in Buffy? I couldn’t see her in a million years.

She can’t see me without her glasses. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

No. Without your knowledge,

Mother gave you three wishes to prove what was on your mind.

Well, you proved it, all right. What did I prove?

Your first wish was that you didn’t have to go to Honolulu,

so you could look after that model instead.

That wasn’t a wish. That was wished onto me by Larry.

Then you wished that you could go to Boston with her.

Then you wished up that freak snowstorm,

so that you’d have an excuse not to come home.

That’s what you think?

That’s what I know.

I called your hotel room last night. Buffy answered the phone.

Of course she did. She didn’t have a place to stay

so I gave her my room

and I slept at the airport! Now you know why I’m leaving.

Goodbye. Oh, wait!

I think we’ve covered the matter.

Your mother gave me three wishes, and I used them the way you said?

You did. Watch this.

Three wishes, huh? Stand back.

Uh, wish number one:

I wish that your mother were standing right here!

ENDORA: Why, Darwin, I had no idea you were so fond of me!

There. There, you see? I wouldn’t have been able to do that

if I’d used those three wishes on Buffy, would I?

You interrupted me at a party, you silly boy.

And I was getting along so famously with the prime minister.

Oh, Darrin, I--

Quiet, both of you! I haven’t finished yet.

You gave me those three wishes to make a fool out of me, didn’t you?

Well...

I can make a fool out of myself without any help from you.

You are so right! Mortals have a talent for it.

But as long as I’ve got them, I’m going to wish something

that I’ve been wishing ever since I met you.

What is it?

Wish number two:

I wish that you would stay out of our lives fore--

Darrin, no!

For... One week!

Wish number three:

About that flying suit. I wish--

Darrin, never mind the third wish.

It’s on the house.

Sweetheart?

Darrin?

(GRUNTS)

Darrin?

Uh-- Mmm?

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Good night, sweetheart. Mmm, feeling better?

Much. After spending last night at an airport in a snowstorm,

that’s just what I needed.

A good hot shower.

I wish I could take another.

Darrin?

(SHOWER RUNNING) Oh, we forgot.

You had one more wish left.

Uh, can I get you a towel?