Original subtitles

ENDORA: Follow me.

Follow me.

Mother, would you please stop bouncing around like Tinker Bell

and tell me what all this is about?

Samantha, come here and sit down.

Samantha, your Aunt Clara is in trouble.

Well, what’s unusual about that? My dear, I am serious.

We all spent the weekend at lady Montague’s castle in Scotland,

and, my dear, it was positively embarrassing.

Your Aunt Clara made one devastating move after another.

So Hagatha and Enchantra and I decided

that she’d reached the point where she should be made Earthbound.

(GASPS) So we’re going to put her on trial.

No! Or she may have the witch’s alternative

of turning herself into an inanimate object,

like a salad bowl or a lamp or a tea kettle

or whatever. Something that’s useful.

Well, I think this whole thing is unfair, unreasonable and inhuman.

Uh, I mean unwitchly.

Well, I’m glad you feel that way. It’ll make your job a lot easier.

Job? Your Aunt Clara has chosen you to be her defense attorney.

(SHOUTS) What?

The court will convene here at 10:00 tomorrow morning.

Here?

Judge Bean will preside.

(WHISPERING) Judge Bean? See you then, darling.

Oh, Mother, please wait a minute. Who decided that--

Oh, come on. Now, why here? Why here of all places? Just tell me that.

This is most unreasonable. Samantha, what’s going on?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Honey, is breakfast ready? You only have time for a sip of coffee.

What are you talking about? It’s only 8:30.

It’s later than you think. Look.

Holy cow! Oh, me too.

I’ve got a lot of work to do.

(KNOCKING)

What was that? What was what?

It sounded like someone at the back door.

Oh, you must be hearing things. (KNOCKING CONTINUES)

Now you’re not going to tell me you didn’t hear that.

I’m not? I mean, I guess I’m not.

It must be the diaper service. I better dash.

Mm. Uh, you don’t wanna be late. I’ll see you tonight.

Drive carefully.

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

Now, who could be knocking at the cellar door?

As if I didn’t know. Hmm!

Hi there, Aunt Clara. Come on. Oh!

Oh. Whoo! (CHUCKLING)

Do you know that one of your chimneys leads to the furnace?

Oh, dear! (MUMBLING)

Here, give me this. Give me the brolly. Oh, yes.

I’ll clean you up. Then you’ll feel better. Oh, good.

There!

Oh! Oh, how nice! You like it?

Oh, thank you, dear. Thank you. Yes, you look lovely.

Now come on, come on. Sit down. (MUMBLING)

Sit down. Make yourself comfortable. You want some coffee?

No, thanks. All right. Well, what’s new?

Nothing. Oh, nothing.

Oh, didn’t you spend the weekend at lady Montague’s castle?

Oh, yes, yes. I had a lovely time. Lovely.

Except for one little incident. What was that?

Well, I didn’t think it was so awful,

but the way everyone was carrying on,

you’d think it was a disaster.

What happened?

Well,

uh, we went hunting and I shot one of, uh,

lady Montague’s dogs.

Oh, how awful!

Yeah, it was a disaster.

Lady Montague must have been terribly angry.

No, no. She was furious. And she said

she couldn’t believe that anyone’s aim could be as poor as that.

Did you apologize?

Oh, certainly not.

I told her my aim was perfect,

and she should have told me we were hunting for birds.

Aw, poor Aunt Clara.

Well... Maybe I should be Earthbound.

Well, who said anything about that?

Well, what I want to say is that I--

Clara, Samantha knows about the trial.

Oh, she does, does she?

Oh. Well, then I won’t have to worry

about how to bring up the subject.

Don’t you worry, Aunt Clara. I’ll clear you of the charges.

Thank you. Uh, well,

now I think I’ll go to the den and rest.

Until the trial.

ENDORA: Clara,

why don’t you pop into the den, like a witch?

All right.

I will.

Well, there certainly wasn’t anything wrong with the way she did that, was there?

Wasn’t there?

Well... I certainly have my work cut out for me, don’t I?

Hello, Larry? I’m here at the office, and I...

Well, I just happened to get here a little early.

Uh, that’s all.

Remember that the next time I ask for a raise.

Anyway, I rushed out of the house so fast,

I forgot to take along the Ganzer garage door file.

Would you mind stopping at my house and picking it up?

It’s in the bottom right-hand drawer of my desk.

Thanks a lot, Larry.

Now... Aunt Clara, we have to get to work on your defense.

What you need is a basic refresher course. Stand up.

Come on.

First, the basic ABCs.

Digital control. See this pencil?

Yeah. Yeah, good. Now.

I want you to levitate it and put it in that drawer.

Go ahead.

Now, remember, concentrate.

Take good aim. Go on. Aim.

(DOORBELL RINGS) Oh, keep working, Aunt Clara. I’ll be right back.

Move!

Good morning, Sam. Uh, sorry to barge in like this,

but Darrin asked me to stop by and get some papers from his desk.

Oh, Larry, it’s always a pleasure to have you barge in.

(CLATTERING) It’s right in the den.

Samantha! Uh, Samantha!

Uh, you know my aunt. Uh, Larry Tate, Aunt Clara.

Aunt Clara.

Yeah.

Yes, yes. (MUMBLING)

What are you looking for? The desk!

A desk? Uh, yes, yes.

(GASPS) Oh, Aunt Clara, get rid of it.

Larry, I can’t tell you how happy I am you came by.

There’s something very important I’ve been meaning to ask you.

Sure. What is it? Well, it’s about Tabatha.

What college do you feel would be right for her?

Uh, but she’s only a year and a half old.

Now, you papers and drawers, you get back in there.

And now you, desk, no nonsense.

You go back in the den where you belong.

(THUDDING) (GASPS, MUMBLES)

Sam, I really should get the Ganzer papers and go.

Oh, but, Larry, we haven’t even discussed

the eastern college versus the western college.

Well, I think it’s really a matter of individual--

♪ When the saints when the saints

♪ When the saints come marching in Aunt Clara.

Uh, dear,

uh, Mr. Tate hasn’t got time to listen to your little song.

He’s very busy, and he needs those papers

that are in Darrin’s desk.

You mean the one that’s back in the den?

That’s it. Yes.

Uh, in the den, Larry. Help yourself. (CHUCKLES)

Oh! Oh.

Samantha. Mm-hmm.

If you want to resign as my defense counsel,

I understand.

If I were you-- Oh! Oh.

You scared the life out of me. I’d take her up on that.

No, mother. I said I’d defend her, and I meant it.

(CAR HORN HONKS) (SCOFFS) Well, it’s about time.

(HONKING CONTINUES)

Ladies.

Judge.

Thank you, judge, so much.

Oh, Endora, dear.

Enchantra!

ENCHANTRA: You poor dear, Clara.

Sorry to be late. We were caught in the eye of a hurricane.

Of course, Hagatha.

Oh! Oh. (LADIES CHATTERING)

You found it. Yes. Sam, you ought to talk to Darrin

about straightening out that desk of his.

I will, I will. Oh, I had...

I had one suggestion about a college for Tabatha.

Oh, really? Well, I’m just dying to hear it, some other time.

(CAR HORN HONKS) That will be all, Macbeth.

Did I hear a car in there?

A car? In the living room?

Sorry. Battle fatigue, I guess.

So long, Sam. Bye.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I don’t believe you know my niece.

Samantha, this is His Honor, Judge Bean.

Uh, how do you do?

My honor, ma’am.

You’re looking lovely, Samantha.

Thank you, mother.

Let’s get this show on the road. I’ve a pressing engagement.

Mother! Oh, are we going to start before we have tea?

Be quiet. Clara, are you ready?

Now, now, just a minute. I object.

You can’t. The trial hasn’t started yet.

But you’ve made up your minds already.

This isn’t a trial. It’s a witch hunt.

(BOTH CACKLING)

That’s very good, my dear.

She’s very witty, isn’t she?

Very.

You don’t understand. If we’re going to have a trial,

let’s have a fair one.

Shall we begin, Your Honor?

Very well. Ladies, if you would stand.

(THUNDERCLAP)

Clara, if you please.

Well, don’t dawdle!

Oh, never mind!

Hear ye, hear ye! Witches’ coven, part one is about to convene!

All those having business before this court, draw near and ye shall be heard.

Proceed! The witches’ coven v. Aunt Clara.

Well, read the charges!

"The coven charges that the defendant

"has repeatedly failed in the practice of witchcraft,

"and that, as a result, she must be deprived of all rights,

"privileges and benefits deriving from membership

"in the witches’ community."

Betty, I asked you to make a copy of all the material

in the folder that Mr. Tate picked up at my house.

You did? These are my income tax reports.

That’s what was in the folder?

Marvelous. I’ll just have to go home and rummage through my desk.

This concludes the case for the prosecution.

And a very good case, too. (MUMBLES) Aunt Clara.

Well... The defense may proceed.

And please move it along, dear. You know I’m late.

As far as I’m concerned, I could hand down a decision right now.

Now, just a minute! Well, the case for the prosecution is...

(CHUCKLES) Pretty conclusive.

Well, just what have they proven?

That Aunt Clara’s made a few mistakes? Well, so what?

Nobody’s perfect. And I do not agree

that just because someone is getting on in years

that they have outlived their usefulness.

No. Now if you ban her from our society,

which is what you’re trying to do, it’ll be our loss,

because her kind of warmth and compassion is very hard to find.

So, I move for a dismissal,

on the grounds of... Love.

Motion denied.

Well. Very well.

I guess I’ll just have to prove

that Aunt Clara does have all of her powers.

Excuse me, Your Honor.

Now first, ordinary manipulation.

Aunt Clara, make it come to you.

Now, perhaps we should have Aunt Clara conjure up something.

Let’s see. I wo-- (CAR APPROACHING)

Excuse me.

Let’s see how well you do with Samantha gone.

What shall we have her conjure up?

How about something nice and cold? I’m dying of thirst.

All right. That sounds easy enough.

Mm, easy for you.

Yes? Oh, Darrin!

Uh, my key wouldn’t open the door.

That’s because I double-locked it.

But it opens the door even when it’s double-locked.

Oh? Then I must have triple-locked it.

Well, do you mind if I come in?

Yes. I mean, I just decided to wax the front hall.

Oh, you mean you want me to come in the back door.

No, no, no, no. The kitchen floor has just been waxed, too.

Honey, Larry picked up the wrong papers.

I need the Ganzer garage door account.

Oh! Well, you go around to the den window. I’ll get them for you.

It’s in the bottom right-hand drawer of my desk.

Okay.

(GASPS)

What’s that?

Something nice and cold.

Oh, Aunt Clara, please, wait until I get back.

(GASPS)

Would you like to try for two out of three?

Uh, thank you. Any special kind of drink?

Something tropical would be nice.

Something tropical... Coming up.

(CHUCKLES) Here you are, sweetheart.

Thank you.

Oh! What was she trying for?

Something tropical, in the way of a drink.

Well, it’s closer.

Sam... Sam!

These are the wrong papers!

I’ll be right back.

Darrin, what are you doing?

Sam, these are the bills from Glazer’s garage.

I’ll get you the right ones. Never mind. I’ll get them myself.

Or has the carpet just been waxed? (LAUGHS)

I know why you don’t want to let me in there. You do?

Mm-hmm. Finally, figured it out. Ladies’ club, right?

Sort of. Is it the committee for the bazaar?

Oh, I’d certainly call them a bizarre committee.

(BARKING)

(BARKING CONTINUES)

Baked Alaska?

Well, now that I’m back,

shall we try one more thing?

You’re wasting your time. The overwhelming weight of the evidence is clear.

Yes, but-- Silence!

The accused will please rise and face the court.

The court has reached a verdict.

(GASPS) Poor dear Clara! Clara, darling!

(BOTH CRYING)

(CRYING CONTINUES)

They usually cry after the bazaar,

when they see how much they’ve lost.

Oh, wouldn’t this make you sick? Let’s have the decision!

Beginning tomorrow morning at daybreak,

you shall be... Earthbound!

Well, I’ll have a lot of company, won’t I?

Well, I... Must be going now. I--

Oh, no. Not yet, Aunt Clara. Stay a while.

(SIGHS) I’ll never get out of here.

Well!

(CHUCKLES) No. Goodbye. Goodbye, my dears.

DARRIN: Sam, what happened to my desk? It’s a mess!

Oh, uh, goodbye, everybody!

(THUNDERCLAP)

Yes, Darrin? (STAMMERING) Um, I...

I’d better be going.

Wait. Well, where are you going?

Samantha, there comes a time in a person’s life

when his health takes precedence over everything.

I’m... Going to lie down.

Aunt Clara, you saved my life.

CLARA: Well, it was very good, wasn’t it?

Thank you, dear. Well, I just waved my arms and everybody disappeared.

Yes! (BOTH CHUCKLING)

So you see, Darrin, there wasn’t anything else I could do.

Well, I had to help Aunt Clara.

But, as it turned out, she helped herself.

Well, she didn’t do me any good.

I’ve got a news flash for you, Sam. People have been known to crack up

under circumstances a lot less weird than seeing polar bears, dog sleds

and palm trees in their living room.

Probably because they’re weird prone.

Fortunately, you’re not.

(DOORBELL RINGS) Oh. Excuse me.

Oh, uh...

Aunt Clara, why are you using the front door?

Well, I thought after last night

I’d better not stretch my luck.

You don’t have anything to worry about.

The judge reversed his decision, didn’t he?

Well, what choice did he have?

After that magnificent piece of witchcraft I came up with?

Uh, Aunt Clara. Aunt Clara?

Just between you and me,

we both know it was just a mistake.

Was it? Wasn’t it?

Samantha, now if Darrin

had been witnessing that scene,

it would have been very disastrous for you, wouldn’t it?

Mm-hmm. Oh, yes.

Well, then, you wouldn’t, uh,

let anything happen like that to someone you love?

No.

So I waved. You saw what happened.

Yes. Yes, Aunt Clara, I certainly did.

And long may you wave.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)