Original subtitles

Oh, Tabatha,

your daddy is going to be awfully proud

of you this evening.

Imagine. Pointing at your age.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, darling.

Hello, Tabatha.

Did you have a nice day today?

Well, we had a very important day today.

Darling, you have a most unusual daughter.

Well, what makes you say that?

Well, not many little girls can do what she did at her age.

Well, what did she do that was so unusual?

She pointed at that lamp.

Well, what did it do?

What?

The lamp.

Well, lamps don't do anything.

But she pointed at it.

Oh, Darrin, this has nothing to do with witchcraft.

She simply pointed at the lamp.

I thought you'd be pleased.

I am pleased.

And very relieved.

Well, all right.

I'll go and fix dinner,

and you hang on to her for a while, huh?

Okay.

Sweetheart, I apologize for accusing you

of having any hocus-pocus with that there lamp.

Sam! Sam!

What's the matter?

Honey, it must've been a delayed reaction.

The lamp-- It-- It went--

The lamp-- It went on by itself.

Oh, Darrin.

Well, then how do you explain how it went on?

Well, I can't exactly explain it technically.

It's a big mystery to me too.

It is?

Yes.

But as I walked out of the room,

I flicked this switch right here and the light went on.

Oh, is that all?

Is that all?

Well, I think that's remarkable.

Look.

Off.

On.

Now, that's what I call magic.

[♪♪♪]

Well, have you recovered from the marvels of electricity yet?

Thank you.

And don't rub it in.

Anything else happen today?

No--

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

Gladys Kravitz telephoned.

She wants us to come over and watch television.

How come?

W-well, it's kind of a special occasion.

You remember Gladys' brother, Louis?

How could I ever forget Louis Gruber,

The chicken fiddler.

Well, he isn't chicken anymore.

He's played a number of concerts and tonight he's making

his debut on national television.

He owes it all to you, Sam.

All he needed was a little confidence.

Well, you sure gave it to him.

Yeah, much against your wishes as I recall.

You were pregnant at the time.

And you didn't want me overexerting my nose?

No.

Well, let's just hope this evening is not as disastrous

as the last time we visited the Kravitzes.

That was a bit of a fiasco, wasn't it?

It all started with the banana cake, as I remember.

Honey, do I really have to wear a tie?

Yes, you have to wear a tie.

And hurry up. We'll be late.

I could be about three days late for this thing.

We'll probably sit around all night

listening to him play the violin.

I hope he does play.

He's supposed to be very talented.

Mrs. Kravitz said so.

Well, what do you expect Mrs. Kravitz to say

about her own brother?

You should hear what Mr. Kravitz said.

Oh, that reminds me.

I promised to take a banana cake over for dessert.

Why?

Well, evidently Louis is a big eater.

Besides, I know you like my banana cake

better than Mrs. Kravtiz's.

Well, at least you peel the bananas.

It looks marvelous.

What recipe did you use?

Oh, it was one of those instant mixes.

Hello, neighbors.

Hi. Hi.

Louis will be down in a minute.

I can't wait.

Oh, please, please, sit down. Sit down.

Louis said that if he's in the mood,

he'll play for us tonight.

Oh, that's marvelous.

And if she's in the mood, she'll dance.

Go ahead, get your tambourine.

Abner, Louis is only here once a year.

Like locusts.

It's only a stopover.

He's going on tour very soon.

On tour of relatives.

He goes from one to the other,

with an open hand and open mouth.

He happens to be a brilliant violinist.

"A genius of the first magnitude."

Buffalo Daily Record.

Oh.

Ask her if he works. Go ahead, ask her.

He's just between engagements.

Twenty six years between engagements.

He should go out and get a job.

He can't get an ordinary job.

Uh, he'd hurt his hands.

Then let him take a job with his feet.

Maybe we should come back some other time.

Why?

It won't get any better.

Oh, good evening.

Oh, good, you brought the cake.

This is my brother, Louis Gruber.

Mr. and Mrs. Stephens.

Hello.

How do you do?

Uh, easy.

Thank you.

Mrs. Kravitz said you were about to go on tour.

Uh, yes.

I, uh, I had been giving it some thought.

I think that's wonderful.

When would it be?

One doesn't measure these things by time.

He measures them by free meals.

Mrs. Kravitz was saying you were only 9 years old

when you played in Carnegie Hall.

Please, don't mention Carnegie.

That was my last performance.

Ohh!

And what a performance.

Sounds interesting.

Full house, standing room.

I don't wanna talk about it.

I wouldn't talk about it either

if my knickers fell down.

Three encores he got.

Gladys, he's doing it again.

Abner!

I was telling the truth.

Gladys...let's eat.

Louis wants to eat.

Let's eat. Are you ready to eat?

Come on, let's everybody eat. Shall we eat?

Come on, let's eat. Louis, ready to eat?

You wanna see a great artist.

That's where he does his best work.

During his career, Louis met very important people.

Kings, queens, dukes, dictators.

Yup.

Those were the days.

It's not easy reaching your prime when you're 9.

But what about your new tour?

Won't be the same.

No, there are certain things in life that happen only once

and then...gone forever.

Like that meatloaf. Did you see it go?

Abner, Louis is talking.

At least he's not eating.

Louis, I'm sure you'll be a success again.

I don't think people have forgotten you.

How could they? His knickers fell down.

Well, Sam's right. A man with your talent

shouldn't have any trouble.

Talent?

What's the meaning of talent?

Who's got talent now? Who?

Well, uh, Heifetz.

Ha!

He plays with his thumbs.

Heifetz?

He's brilliant.

He should play the square dance.

Well, what about Isaac Stern?

Plays a pizzicato like I pick my teeth.

Well, then, why are these men on top?

Politics. It's who you know.

It's knowing people.

You know how Stern got where he is today?

He knew Heifetz.

They must've had some talent.

Talent, yes. Genius, no.

That's why they're afraid of me.

I've got genius.

"A rising genius on the concert horizon."

St. Louis Herald.

They're all against me. It's common knowledge.

Well, Louis if you're as good as you say you are, then--

You don't think I can play, do you?

Well, I didn't say that--

Say it.

I'm a fraud.

You're a fraud.

Darrin, please.

It doesn't really matter.

I know I'm a genius.

"A born virtuoso."

Arturo Toscanini.

"Born eater."

Abner Kravitz.

I am a proven artist.

Three world tours, two gold records--

One snapshot.

Your little knickers on the floor.

Laugh, clown, laugh.

But I'll have the last laugh.

Abner!

How could you do that?

You know he's so sensitive.

Sensitive?

He's scared stiff.

Ever since the knickers,

he can't play in front of an audience.

That's not true.

It's Heifetz and Stern and the rest of the crowd.

They won't give him a chance.

I still think if he has that much talent, he should--

[LOUIS PLAYING VIOLIN]

Now, watch this.

Bravo! Oh, my!

Oh!

I don't believe it.

He was extraordinary. Wasn't he?

No, not that.

He's gonna miss dessert.

And you thought it was gonna be a dull evening.

Well, I don't know who gave the better performance,

Louise or Mr. Kravitz.

It's too bad he hasn't had a chance to play.

Well, you heard what Abner said.

He's scared.

And I'm inclined to agree with him.

All he needs is a little push.

Well, if he stays with Abner,

he'll get it, right out the window.

Louis could play at the hospital benefit, Saturday.

Sam, don't--

There'll be a big crowd,

lots of important people.

Might be good for his confidence.

Sam, you're a housewife, not Sol Hurok.

I could call the entertainment committee.

It wouldn't be any trouble.

Sam, stay out of it, please.

Louis needs a chance.

The hospital needs money.

It's a perfect plan.

So was Custer's.

You're still at it?

You know I have to practice.

Since 5:00 this morning?

When am I gonna get some peace and quiet?

Abner, let him alone. He's practicing.

Go for a walk.

I've been for a walk seven times around the block already.

The neighbors think I'm, uh-- I'm, uh-- I'm a peddler.

I cannot practice in this atmosphere.

Good.

Abner, if he stops practicing, he'll lose his touch.

If he doesn't stop, he'll lose his teeth.

[GLADYS SCREAMS]

So you want to hit someone, huh?

Well, then hit! Hit, hit, hit, hit.

The feet, the feet, watch the feet.

Gladys think of what you're doing.

You've been protecting him all your life.

You've treated him like a baby.

That's why he can't get a job.

A big baby!

I've tried to get jobs,

dozens of them, but they won't have me.

What about Philadelphia?

That wasn't my fault. I was sick.

Sick?

Ha!

You were afraid!

He was sick.

You know he had fever. He was white.

He was yellow!

He chickened out!

He's the chicken fiddler.

I don't have to take this.

I'm leaving.

Good!

Only the room.

Louis, please.

Stay here and practice.

For how long?

Another hour.

Abner, he's got to perfect his technique.

Keep his fingers in shape.

Why, we're having hot biscuits again?

You'll be proud of me one day.

When I'm back at Carnegie Hall

and I have the whole world at my feet.

That's better than your knickers.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

GLADYS: Come in.

Hi, I've got great news.

I've arranged everything.

Louis, you're gonna give a concert.

A c-concert?

Yes, Saturday matinee, the Hospital Benefit.

Is there an audience?

Oh, yes. It'll be a sellout.

At least 500 people.

Five hundred people!

Oh!

I know you're trying to help, Mrs. Stephens,

but you've gotta get Louis out of this.

I-- I can't.

The programs are printed, and the tickets are sold.

Tell him that.

I did.

He fainted again.

Now, Mrs. Kravitz, I know this will be the best thing for him.

He's been ready for 26 years.

He's a big boy now.

He's gonna have to face himself some time.

What am I gonna do?

You won't have to do a thing.

Just leave him to me. I'll get him to play.

My baby brother, growing up so fast.

Hi, Mrs. Kravitz.

Soon he'll be going out with girls.

Oh, how soon we lose them.

What's wrong with her?

Oh, she's just worried about Louis and the concert.

Sam, what are you getting involved in this for?

Well, I am kind of responsible.

I got him into it.

Besides, he's a great violinist. And he should be heard.

Poor, Gladys.

Poor Gladys? Poor Abner.

Putting up with all that practicing.

Well, uh, don't worry.

Abner won't be bothered by that anymore.

Why?

Because Louis is gonna do his practicing here.

Louis Gruber does not play benefits.

Why not? Everybody else does.

It's all wrong.

I don't know why I came here in the first place.

Because I made beef stroganoff.

Good. Let's eat.

Practice first.

You're going to have to play for your supper tonight.

Tonight, yes. Tomorrow, no.

Now, Louis, what happened with your knickers at Carnegie Hall--

Well, it's all over and done with.

Now, no more excuses.

The concert is tomorrow afternoon.

I can't. I can't.

Oh! Oh, but, now, Louis.

Louis, you were doing beautifully.

No, no, it's true what they say about me.

I am afraid.

I am a coward.

I am a chicken fiddler!

Practice.

What's for dinner?

Never mind.

Start playing.

Start playing.

What must be done... must be done!

Blast!

What is this?

What kind of varnish are you wearing?

[PLAYS BEAUTIFULLY]

Good, good.

I'm glad to see you're still practicing.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

What got into you?

You see that?

Soup!

Gladys made it herself.

Chicken noodle for the chicken fiddler.

Now, Mr. Kravitz, Louis is doing just fine.

Look at him.

I should have brought a funnel.

You go and tell Mrs. Kravitz

everything's gonna be okay.

Why?

Has the benefit been canceled?

No.

You be ready at 1:30. We'll pick you up.

All right.

Well, for the benefit of the benefit, I hope he--

[SHATTERING NOISE]

Oh, no!

He did it! He did it! He did it!

Louis, please, believe me, I'm sorry.

Mrs. Stephens,

it was an accident.

It's perfectly all right. Don't worry about it.

Now, I won't have to play that benefit tomorrow.

And I really wanted to.

What can we do?

Cancel the benefit.

No, no.

I have another violin in the house.

Well, I just can't play any old violin.

Good.

I think it's a pretty good one.

It's not as good as a handmade Dimkis.

Stradivarius!

Gladys said she was bringing him right over.

I shouldn't have let him out of my sight.

Well, he's only got 15 minutes.

Oh, he'll be here.

He knows they're gonna have cake after the show.

Maybe I should call and find out--

[GLADYS CRYING]

It wasn't my fault!

I couldn't do anything!

What happened?

I couldn't stop him!

Gladys, what happened?

Louis is gone!

What?

He said he was going for a paper.

A paper?

Where?

Philadelphia!

The chicken fiddler strikes again.

He took a cab to the airport.

Cab?

Who paid?

Oh, I knew this would happen.

We'll get him back.

Honey, he's only got six minutes.

I guess we better call the whole thing off.

No, I think we should wait a couple of minutes.

I have a feeling he'll be here.

Hey, what's going on here?

I don't know.

Ask the cab.

I gotta get out of here.

Louis!

I'll get him!

Louis, come back. That only works in the movies.

He went down in the manhole.

We've got to do something.

I know what I'd like to do.

Put the cover on it.

We'll never get him now.

Oh, yes, we will.

Ready, Louis?

I was just going for a paper.

In the sewer?

My baby! My poor baby!

That poor baby cost me 7 and a half bucks for a cab.

Come on, Louis. No.

Come on. No.

Here you go, Louis.

No, no, no!

And this one.

No, no.

[APPLAUSE]

My poor baby! What's he doing?

I think he's praying.

No!

I think he's crying.

[WHISPERING] Louis. Louis!

Sam, is that you or him playing?

Oh, I just got him started.

Attaboy, Louis!

Play like you eat.

I can't believe it.

I just can't believe it.

Louis on a big TV show.

That's nothing.

He has so many concerts after this.

Well, Sam, he owes it all to you.

GLADYS: That's right, Mrs. Stephens.

That benefit gave him the confidence.

No, no. He has the talent. I just got him started.

MAN: And now, ladies and gentlemen.

The world-famous violinist, Louis Gruber.

Oh, doesn't he look handsome?

Except for the chicken soup on his lapel.

Shhhh!

[LOUIS PLAYING VIOLIN]

Oh, my stars!

The knickers routine again.

This time, coast-to-coast.

Well, Sam, when's the next benefit?

[GLADYS WAILS]

[♪♪♪]