Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

Anybody home?

SAMANTHA: Yes, sweetheart. We're in the kitchen.

Darrin, dear, this is Brian O'Brian.

[IRISH ACCENT] Well, well, Darrin, me boy.

I've been looking forward to this moment, that I have.

Uh...it's a pleasure to meet you.

Samantha, he's grand. Just grand.

[LAUGHS]

Brian is a leprechaun.

A leprechaun.

DARRIN: Yes, of course.

May I speak to you for a minute, dear?

He just got over from Ireland. How about that?

[LAUGHS]

As I said, Samantha, he's grand.

Samantha... Mmm?

Oh. Would you excuse me a minute, Brian?

Dear lady, I'd excuse you anything.

Oh!

Samantha, as your husband and the head of this house,

I mean, it's no more than common courtesy that you forewarn me.

I know, dear.

Now, I've put up with elves, warlocks and poltergeists,

but this leprechaun relative of yours is just too much.

Darrin, he's not a relative of mine.

Relative, friend of the family, it's all the same thing.

He's not a friend of my family.

He's not? No.

He's a friend of your family!

[♪♪♪]

We're very happy to have you, Brian.

Ah, well, where else do you go

but to friends in time of trouble?

Trouble? I knew it!

The very gravest kind of trouble for a leprechaun.

My last pot of gold was stolen by an American.

Your last?

Well, every leprechaun

has a few hidden here and there in Ireland.

Two of mine were lost when they drained some bogs

and bulldozed them for a real estate development.

And then there were a couple I lost

on some...confusing weekends.

Uh-huh.

The last one, I hid behind a stone

in the fireplace of the old Rafferty cottage.

They were dear friends and neighbors of the O'Brians.

Well, then, along comes this rich American

and buys the whole cottage

and moves the fireplace to the United States

before I can blink me eyes.

Before you could open them, you mean.

The whole fireplace?

Bodily.

Cobwebs, soot and my last pot of gold.

Oh, Brian, that's awful.

All your magical powers must have gone with it.

I'm no more than a shadow of me former self.

How can we help you, Brian?

Samantha!

Well, Darrin, he has to find his pot of gold.

Samantha, no witchcraft! You know how I feel about that.

Yes, dear, I know. But I can't get it for him anyhow.

It's leprechaun gold. It has a charm on it.

I can't move it.

Oh, I'll have to get it meself.

Now, the name of the party is James Dennis Robinson,

and he lives somewhere close by here.

Anyone that can move an entire fireplace

from Ireland to America

must be a very wealthy man.

Brian, you must be very tired from your trip.

That I am.

The time change has me a little bewildered.

Why don't you go up into the guest room

and make yourself comfortable?

Thank you.

I'll rest easy now,

knowing you're worrying about me problem.

Goodnight, cousin.

Oh, my.

It is nice having one of your relatives here for a change.

Samantha, he is not related to me!

He's just a figment of the imagination

of my Irish ancestors.

Maybe so.

But that figment just went to bed with your bottle.

All right.

I just have time to get a credit rating

on this nonexistent pot-of-gold thief.

That's a good boy. Mm-hm.

Hello, Miss Spence.

This is Darrin Stephens of McMann & Tate.

Would you see if you have anything

on James Dennis Robinson?

Thank you very much.

I'll hang on.

Prepare yourself for the death of a very picturesque lie.

Never hurts to ask.

Yes, Miss Spence.

Huh?

I see.

[MOUTHING]

Is that so?

Well, that's very interesting.

May I please have that address again?

Seven...

Thank you, Miss Spence. Thank you very much.

Are you gonna tell me, or do you want me to guess?

Well, all right.

It just so happens there is a James Dennis Robinson,

and he owns Westchester Consolidated Mills.

You've heard of the company?

They're a very large outfit

and they don't do any advertising.

Every agency in town is dying to get their account.

And he lives near here.

Right.

And he has a fireplace with a pot of gold in it.

Credit agencies don't give out that kind of information!

Well, when you go to see him tomorrow,

take a look around for it.

I will.

It's an interesting coincidence, your coming by to see me.

I have been considering changing my policy

and doing some advertising.

Well, good.

But I'll tell you something else.

I have no intention of giving my account to McMann & Tate.

You're just not big enough for me.

Size is no indication of quality, Mr. Robinson.

You're right.

Being little doesn't necessarily make you good.

That's what you meant, isn't it?

Mr. Robinson, all we want

is an opportunity to show you what we've done

and what we think we can accomplish for you.

Now, your first advertising campaign

should have real importance.

Something different.

What's the matter with you, young man?

Are you nervous, or are you just afraid to look me in the eye?

Not at all, sir. I was just admiring your fireplace.

Ah.

You've got good taste.

This fireplace came from Ireland.

I got it in a little cottage in County Cork.

Had it shipped over here.

This fireplace is over 200 years old. That's all hand-hewn rock.

Oh, is that so?

Get your hands off of there!

That's the original soot on there!

I don't want any finger marks on it!

I'm sorry, Mr. Robinson.

I'm sorry, Stephens.

I didn't mean to be so sharp.

But this fireplace is my pride and joy.

Yes, sir. To me, it's worth its weight in gold.

Of course, just because there's a fireplace,

doesn't mean there's any pot of gold hidden in it.

Oh, it's there, all right, all right.

The only pot of gold I'm sure is there

is his advertising account.

It's gonna be a lot tougher to get than yours.

Darrin, me boy, you help me, I'll help you.

Do me a favor. Just stick to leprechauning.

Tell me, now, you wouldn't be having a little more

of this heart-warming elixir about, would you, cousin?

If you'll stop calling me cousin, I think I can find some.

Oh, that's a terrible heavy price you're asking.

Oh, but I'll pay.

Brian, when do you plan to go after your gold?

Well, now, there's a lot of imponderables

I have to be pondering upon.

It'd be easy if I had me powers.

But it'd be asking for trouble to go now.

SAMANTHA: Huh? When the moon is new.

Well, isn't it also dangerous to go when the moon's full?

Not unless he's full too.

[LAUGHS]

He's grand, Samantha! Just grand.

I'm pleased and proud to be able to call him my--

Um... my friend.

Hi, honey.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Hi. Mmm!

How's Tabitha?

Oh, just fine. Sleeping like a baby.

Brian's been entertaining her all day.

Told her about the time

that he was official leprechaun to Queen Victoria.

Yeah, that's a real sleeping pill, that story.

[TAPPING]

What's he doing now?

Fixing your brown shoes.

Fixing my shoes?

Yes, all leprechauns are shoemakers

by trade or tradition.

He wanted to do something nice for you.

Oh.

Darrin, me bucko!

I have a splendid surprise for you.

Your shoes needed fixing, and I fixed them.

Yes, you fixed them, all right. Yes, indeed.

Wait till you put them on.

It'll be a new experience in walking for you.

I'll fix up where I was working.

He fixed them.

I think I need a tranquilizer or two.

That did it!

That little man has got to go.

Now, Darrin-- No arguments, Sam.

He's going tonight. Brian!

Anything you say, me boy. You name it.

After a long discussion,

Samantha and I have decided you're going...

after your pot of gold tonight.

Well, now, maybe it'd be better tomorrow night.

Somehow I don't have the courage.

I know! You drank it all up!

Well, I'll buy you another bottle,

but you're going tonight.

[♪♪♪]

[DOG GROWLS]

[BARKS]

[GRUNTS]

Allow me to introduce myself, sir.

Me name is Brian O'Brian.

To whom do I have the honor of speaking?

Ohh!

[BARKS]

Whoa!

I can't understand what all the commotion is about.

I merely lost me way on me way to a fancy dress ball.

Now, you can understand how a thing like that

can happen to a man, can't you?

Of course.

So I took a shortcut through your living room,

looking for a telephone.

I see.

Now, if you'll take your big hands off me,

I'll be on me way.

Uh, what do you want me to do with him, Mr. Robinson?

Lock him up.

You heard the man, so come on, paddy.

Let's trot on down to the pokey, shall we?

What's your name, officer?

They call me Michael Francis Xavier Fogerty.

Well, now! You wouldn't be Irish, would you?

No. Polish.

Of course I'm Irish!

Well, you must know, then, from the manner of me dress,

what I am.

Well, now, don't tell me. Let me guess.

[CHUCKLES]

You're a nut.

I am a leprechaun.

Oh, sure, sure.

And I'm the Wicked old Witch of the West.

[CACKLES]

All right, now, in with you.

And don't give me any more of that whimsy from the old sod.

Whimsy, is it?

Your mother was English!

Now, flattery will get you no place.

Now, will you step in, or shall I throw you in?

I'm entitled to a telephone call.

All right, all right. But do you have a lawyer?

In a manner of speaking, yes.

Okay. One call. Come on.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[WHISPERS] Hello?

Brian?

Where are you?

He's in jail.

He's in jail! He's in jail.

Which jail?

Oh, well, Brian, I don't think, um...

Well, wait a minute. Let me speak to Darrin.

Darling--

You wanna go down and spring him, right?

He must be in some kind of trouble.

It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

You don't want Brian to stay in jail, do you?

Darrin?

Darrin!

I'm thinking.

Really!

Okay, go on down and get him out.

But after that, absolutely no more witchcraft.

All right, Brian. I'll meet you in your cell.

Oh, yes. He is grand, isn't he?

Samantha! You look beautiful, charming.

That's enough of that, Brian.

Now, I must remind you

that although you may not be a working man,

my husband is, and you're disturbing his sleep.

Is he angry with me, now?

I wouldn't have that for the world.

Well, first we have to get you out of here.

Then we have to decide how to get you your gold.

Take my hand. Oh, just a moment.

I'd like to leave an insulting note

for the black Irishman that arrested me, you know?

I'm leaving, Brian. Now.

And I'm going with you.

Hey, nutsy, I brought you some coffee!

Oh, I think I need a little nip.

Darrin, me boy, how nice of you to wait up for me.

There's real friendship for you.

Here. I brought you a cup of coffee.

You are a disgrace to the O'Brians.

You've set the cause of leprechauns

back a thousand years!

You're a bungler!

Don't you love him

when he's like that, Samantha?

Full of the O'Brian fire.

Me boy, I have the perfect solution for your troubles.

Samantha here will take me to the Robinson house.

I'll get me gold from the fireplace,

and with me powers restored to full and glorious strength,

I'll remove meself from your kind hospitality.

Well?

The answer's no.

Oh, but, Darrin, it would only take a moment or two.

No.

Think of the position we're in.

We have a hot leprechaun on our hands.

What is it?

I'm wondering if there'll be a reward out for him.

An O'Brian an informer?

Never!

Somebody always has to be the first.

Goodbye, Brian. I've got a long day ahead of me.

I'm going back to bed.

SAMANTHA: Darr--

Goodbye, cousin.

I am sorry, Brian.

We did our best.

Oh, you're grand, both of you.

Just grand.

But I guess this will be the end of me now.

I'm a stranger in a strange land.

Oh, maybe it'll work out somehow.

No.

Without me pot of gold, I'm just another old man

you'd pass by in the street,

hat in hand, taking pennies from passers-by.

Now, Brian...

Sick at heart, wearing a brave but trembling smile.

Well, you know I want to help you, but--

Dogs barking at me, little children making a mock of me,

but bearing no rancor in me heart

because you couldn't spare me the five minutes' help

to have kept me from the downward path.

Well, Brian, you see--

I'll be leaving you now, Samantha.

Try and forget me.

[BLOWS NOSE]

Be as happy as you can.

I'll always think kindly of you.

[GIGGLES]

[WHISPERS] Brian...

If you promise never to tell Darrin,

I'll go with you.

You will?

Oh, bless you!

Shh! But let's go. I want to get back as soon as I can.

Hang on!

There's the old fireplace.

Ahh! It's four to the left. One, two, three, four...

And eight down. One, two, three, four...

[DOG BARKING]

There's the monsters!

Splendid work!

Well, that's better.

Oh! Pardon me.

[LAUGHS]

My goodness gracious!

Now, you two keep very quiet and behave yourselves.

We're very busy.

Stay there.

You have a real touch.

Never mind the flattery. Just find your pot of gold.

Right. One, two, three, four...

And out she comes!

Ah! Here she comes.

[SINGS WORDLESSLY]

What's the matter?

Saints preserve us! It's gone!

Brian!

But it was here! I know it was here!

Darrin's right. You are a bungler!

But, Samantha!

You probably lost that the same way you lost all the others.

No, I swear it was here when the fireplace was moved.

It was me last pot, Samantha,

me security against me old age!

How dare you involve me in this wild goose chase?

Uh!

Now, we are going back, and you are going on your way.

No, I tell you it was right in this hole behind the stone!

Good evening.

Is this what you're looking for?

That's it! It's me crock!

Let me correct you. It is not your crock. It's me crock.

I don't know how you got out of that jail,

but I do know how you're going to get in again.

And this time you're going to have some very pleasant company.

Mr. Robinson,

I know this may all seem very strange to you, but--

Not at all.

Why, it happens every night.

You know, the police are gonna get very tired

of my waking them up in the middle of the night.

Um, Mr. Robinson, Mr. O'Brian here is from Ireland.

And he had hidden that pot in the fireplace

before you bought it.

You know, something tells me

I haven't heard the real story yet.

Well, there's nothing left for me to do

but to reveal myself to this creature.

Sir...

you are looking at an authentic Irish leprechaun.

A leprechaun!

I am the lovable leprechaun of County Cork.

Well, I tried. He doesn't believe us.

But, my dear sir, of course I believe you.

You do?

ROBINSON: Well, naturally.

I'm Irish too.

Robinson?

Where do you think the Dennis in my name came from?

My sainted grandfather, may his soul rest in peace,

was a Mahoney.

Ah, many's the story he's told me

about meeting leprechauns in his day.

[CHUCKLES]

I wouldn't dream of keeping this now.

It's yours again.

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you. Thank you! Bless you!

Now, you see, Samantha, I wasn't lying to you.

Oh, forgive me, Brian.

And this fair colleen?

Mr. Robinson, I'm Mrs. Darrin Stephens.

You remember, he was here talking to you

about your advertising.

Ah, yes. McMann & Tate.

Yes, yes.

You see, as a matter of fact,

his grandmother was also from County Cork.

Ah! It's all very clear to me now.

Those two Chihuahuas...

they wouldn't be my dogs, now, would they?

Brian?

My pleasure.

[♪♪♪]

Well done!

May I shake your hand, sir?

Certainly, sir.

ROBINSON: Aha! I've got you!

Let go of me arm!

ROBINSON: Ah, now I remember another story

my grandfather told me about leprechauns.

If you catch one, he has to grant you a wish, right?

Those are the rules.

ROBINSON: Very well.

Now, my mills are putting out

a brand-new line of Irish linen.

For the first time, I'm going to advertise.

And I want to use your picture as the symbol,

as the trademark for my product.

Mr. Robinson!

Leprechauns never lend themselves to commercial enterprises.

Never!

Well, he'll be well paid for his services.

And I guarantee you

he'll make enough to fill up

more pots of gold than he's ever seen before.

Well, now, your eloquence has convinced me, sir.

Your wish is granted.

Thank you.

But I have a wish of me own.

Very well, Mr. O'Brian.

I want to have a sympathetic

and understanding presentation of me image.

And who could be more understanding

than me dear friend Mr. Darrin Stephens?

Very well, Mr. O'Brian.

Your wish is granted too.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Robinson.

May I break the news to him?

Of course, my dear.

[WHEEZES AND COUGHS]

Mr. O'Brian, what is it?

Me throat's a bit dry with all that talking.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, now, I've got the liquid cure for that.

Isn't he grand, Samantha?

Aye, just grand.

DARRIN: Of course I'm angry!

I wake up and you're not in your bed.

In fact, you're not even in the house!

Darrin--

And then you come back and tell me

that you went to Robinson's house with Brian

after I told you not to!

It's just a lucky thing you didn't get caught.

We did.

Mr. Robinson caught us there.

Oh, great, great, great, great! That does it!

Well, if you'll just let me explain--

No, no, no, no.

There is nothing, nothing you could possibly say

that would make me feel any different.

You deliberately went to that house after I told you not to.

McMann & Tate have the Robinson account.

And you're going to handle it.

Mr. Robinson is Irish. He was delighted to see a leprechaun.

Brian has his pot of gold back,

and he got you the account.

Now...

do you feel any differently?

What can I say?

You can say you love me.

That's easy.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]