Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

Well, I know she's a bit vague,

but she's never really done anybody any harm.

You sit down and listen to me...

Last week, she insisted on coming to London

with Bertha and me.

Halfway there, she started to lose altitude.

Oh, that's terrible!

Oh, you don't know the half of it!

We had to piggy-back her the rest of the way!

Poor Aunt Clara.

Yes, and right in the middle of the convention,

she waltzes in with a huge doorknob

she acquired for her collection!

That's bad?

She'd taken it from Buckingham Palace!

That's bad.

One more time.

Ahhhhhh! Abner!

Abner!

Oh!

Aunt Clara, what's the matter?

You look upset.

Oh, Samantha, I've come to hide out.

Hide out? Why?

Hedley Partridge is back in town.

[♪♪♪]

Uh, who is he, Aunt Clara?

Well... we were close friends.

More than friends.

He was my best beau.

Aunt Clara, you mean...?

Yes.

Oh, yes, I've had my moments.

One or two.

I'll just bet you did.

Hedley Partridge! Now I remember him!

Well, I don't see how anyone could forget Hedley.

All I remember is that he was always chasing the girls!

Well, he couldn't help from being popular.

I still don't understand why you don't want to see him?

Uh, well-- Um, Endora...

What?

Haven't you a house to haunt or something?

All right. All right, Clara, I'll go.

I think I can skip all the gruesome details

of your fly-by-night romance.

Oh, ha-ha-ha. I know she's your mother, dear,

but she can be trying.

And she insists that I'm in my dotage.

Well, she worries about you, Aunt Clara.

Now, tell me, why are you hiding from Mr. Partridge?

Well, I wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but, um, uh, uh...

S-some of my spells don't quite work anymore.

Really?

Well, that's hard to believe.

Oh, it's true. It's-- It's true.

Well, everybody has their off days.

What's that got to do with Mr. Partridge?

He knew me in my prime.

And you're not anxious to renew the acquaintance.

I wanted him to remember me as I was.

I understand, Aunt Clara.

You can stay here as long as you like.

Oh, thank you, Samantha. Thank you.

You have a kind and understanding heart.

Abner, I'm telling you, I saw it with my own eyes.

A funny, little old lady--

Will you stop playing that flute and listen to me?

I've listened!

Twelve times already!

She walked right into the wall and bounced off again.

So any reasonable person would figure it was an accident,

right?

But what did you think, Gladys?

An accident, the first time.

Then, she did it again.

Bang! Right into the wall and bounced off again!

And I thought, well,

why would anyone wanna bang against a wall?

Simple.

It feels so good when you stop.

The next time she went right through the wall!

Well, that makes sense.

What?

Well, there's no point

in banging your head against a brick wall.

I'm beginning to realize that, Abner.

I'm beginning to realize that.

Two visits in one day?

What have I done to deserve this?

Well, it's all set.

Mother has taken care of everything.

Hedley Partridge is coming to dinner tonight.

Mother, you didn't!

Well, don't you see?

This could be the solution of our problem.

Aunt Clara needs someone to look after her,

and Hedley seems to be the perfect candidate.

Aunt Clara and Hedley Partridge married?

Well, if they want to be stuffy about it, yes.

This could be the romance of the century.

Sort of the Romeo and Juliet of the tired blood set.

But Aunt Clara doesn't want to see him.

She's embarrassed about her spells not working anymore.

Oh, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Well, that may be, but that's the way she feels,

and I think we should respect her feelings.

Well, Samantha, I can't do everything.

I've done my part. The rest is up to you.

Now, really, Mother, I--

Mother!

Oh!

No, no. No, uh... Uh, I can't see him.

I-- I-- I have to leave.

Aunt Clara, he'll just follow you.

No, no, I-- I just-- I-- Ha, well...

Everyone into the bag!

Can't rely on them anymore!

Well, you can rely on me.

Aunt Clara, have I ever let you down?

No, you never have.

All right, just trust me.

Believe me, Mr. Partridge won't find out anything

you don't want him to.

Enter, dear lady.

Oh, thank you.

Who are you?

I'm Hedley Partridge,

and your mother has told me all about you.

She has? Mm-hm.

And I want you to know that I'm on your side.

You are?

As long as you love him, who cares if he's mortal?

I'm a little confused.

Oh, ha-ha, you mean about my coming here?

Well, I don't blame you.

You see, I was so anxious to see Clara again,

that I arrived early.

And I found all the doors and windows locked,

and no one was about,

so I took the liberty of making myself at home.

Well, if all the doors and windows were locked,

how'd you get inside?

Through the wall, of course.

You're joking, of course?

Oh, of course not.

Ha-ha. Well, you needn't look so surprised.

I may have a lot of gray hairs, but I'm still in my prime!

Once a warlock, always a warlock!

My powers are still as good as ever.

Ah, I can see you don't believe me.

Well, I--

Uh, well, I'll show you.

Did you ever see dancing flowers?

No.

Watch very carefully.

See?

Ahhhhhhh!

Ahhhhhh!!!

Oh!

Well, your wife seems a little highly strung.

That's not my wife.

Oh, congratulations.

My name is Hedley Partridge. You must be Donald.

Darrin.

Oh, well, Endora said it was Donald.

Uh, I-- I know. But it really is Darrin.

Oh, is it Darrin?

Uh, yes, Darrin. How are you, Darrin?

Fine. How are you, Mr. Partridge?

Aunt Clara and Samantha should be here any minute.

Uh, can I, uh, fix you a drink?

Oh, I'd like that, yes.

Which, uh-- Oh, thank you.

I'm certainly anxious to see Clara.

Has she changed much?

Well, uh...

Well, of course, you wouldn't know.

You're a little young.

But, uh, there was something different about her.

Uh, she always had a very special effect upon people.

Well, she hasn't changed in that respect.

Oh.

Endora talked an awful lot about you.

Oh, she did, huh?

Mm-hm. Oh, but don't worry, young man.

I didn't believe a word of it.

Soda?

Uh, just tickle it, yes.

"Warlock:

Sorcerer. Wizard."

Abner!

There's a wizard at the Stephens' house!

It's good for the lawn. It eats the mosquitoes.

Not a lizard, a wizard!

Wizard, lizard. As long as it eats the mosquitoes.

[GROANS]

Here they are now.

How do I look? Uh, is-- Is my tie all right?

Oh, of course.

Hi, darling.

I'm terribly sorry we're late, but I just-- Oh!

Sam, this is Mr. Partridge.

Hello, Clara.

Hello, Hedley.

Oh, Clara, you haven't changed a bit.

Oh. Oh, Hedley.

No, no, I mean it. I mean it.

You're just as beautiful as ever.

Oh, now, you didn't have to say that, you know.

Did I ever lie to you?

Constantly.

But I still like it.

Oh. And you must be Samantha.

Well, good looks obviously runs in the family.

Well, thank you, Mr. Partridge.

Now, Aunt Clara, why don't you and Mr. Partridge sit down

and get re-acquainted, while I get dinner ready.

It'll only take a second.

Darrin! Darrin!

Mm-hm?

Just give a shout if-- If anybody needs my help.

With what?

Oh! Okay, sure, sure.

And how have you been, dear, huh?

Oh, fine. Just fine.

Oh, that's good. Good.

And you?

Oh, wonderful, wonderful.

Oh.

My powers are as good as ever.

Watch.

How about that?

Oh. Oh, remarkable. Remarkable.

Of course, witchcraft is a gift, you know.

But you've got to keep practicing at it.

If you don't, your spells get sloppy.

And when that happens, believe me,

you know you're getting old.

Isn't that right, Clara?

Oh, yes. Well-- Well, it does happen.

It happens to all of us.

Uh, yes, yes. I know, I know.

Uh, speaking about that, do you remember Seranda Ethrington?

Oh, very well.

You always said she had such pretty hair.

Oh, well, I only said that to make you jealous, that's all.

[LAUGHING]

However, I think she's bald now.

Oh, good.

Uh, uh, uh-- Oh, you don't say so?

Do you know what I heard?

I heard that she can't even walk through a wall anymore.

Poor dear.

Oh.

Yeah, it practically knocked herself senseless

every time she tried it.

It got so bad that her daughter had to put her

in the old witches home.

Oh. Pathetic case.

Oh, it certainly is.

Imagine.

Can't even walk through a wall.

But that will never happen to us, will it dear? Huh?

Ha-ha-ha. Not to the golden couple. Mm-mm.

The golden couple: that's that they used to call us

when we were younger, you know.

[CHUCKLING] The golden couple.

Well, here's your drink.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

You know what Endora told me about you? No.

She said you were still the fastest witch in the west.

Oh, no.

Oh, uh, do you mind if I smoke a cigar?

Oh, certainly not.

I'll get you one. Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'll get one.

Have you got a light, Clara?

I've got one right here.

No, no, no, this is something Clara used to do for me. Mm-hm.

Uh, uh, do you remember, Clara?

Hm?

Well, now, how about it? Will you, for old times' sake?

Ha-ha. Well, I'll try. I-- I-- I'll-- I'll try.

Try, she says! Oh-ho-ho.

Eh, wait'll you see this, young man.

Uh, Sam!

By George, Endora was right! You're still amazing!

Dinner will be ready in a minute.

Would you like an ashtray?

An ashtray? Uh--

I'll get it, Aunt Clara.

Uh, no, no, no. I can send it over myself.

Uh...

Oh! Oh, I did it! I made a comeback!

I made a comeback!

I thought you might like to nibble on these before dinner.

Oh, thank you.

Do-- Do you want another ashtray?

No, no. One is sufficient, thank you.

Now, are you sure?

Because there's no trouble to send over another one.

Now, now, Aunt Clara, you know how Darrin feels

about witchcraft in this house.

Now, you two sit here and talk about old times.

Darrin...

Hm?

Would you like to help me?

Oh, sure, sure, honey.

Uh, will you have one of, the hor d'oeuvres? Love it.

Everything seems to be going awfully well, doesn't it?

Honey, maybe you should have told Aunt Clara

you were doing her spells.

Oh, her pride would never let her agree to it.

Uh, don't worry darling, everything's under control.

Mm.

Good, huh?

[LAUGHING] Oh, no. Easy, now.

Do you remember, Clara, how we used to turn ourselves

into nightingales and serenade the young lovers?

Oh, yes. Oh-ho-ho, yes.

And that was the first nightingale that was ever heard

in Berkley Square.

Yeah, that's right.

Oh, those were the good old days, huh?

Oh, yes, they were.

Well, why don't we do it again.

Oh, no, no, no. I don't think so, dear.

Oh, oh, yes.

No, no, no. I don't-- I don't think so.

Oh.

But we have fifteen minutes before dinner.

I know, Clara.

But that was a long time ago and I-- No.

Yes. But-- But I remember the spell perfectly.

Now, are you game?

Well, yes. You know me. I-- I'm game for anything.

Oh, really? Right.

Well, now, let's see... Um... Uh... Oh, uh...

Deekus, gurney...plancher!

Oh, oh.

Ooooh! Oh! Oh.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Ahhhhhhh!

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Aunt Clara, Sam said if you'd like to-- Ha, what's that?

Hedley.

Everything went wrong?

Sam. Sam!

[GASPS]

Aunt Clara, what did you do?

Why, I don't understand.

I-- I thought it had all come back to me.

Aunt Clara, Sam was helping you with your, uh...

With your spells.

Helping me? Uh, uh, you-- You mean, uh,

the witchcraft didn't come back?

I'm sorry, Aunt Clara.

Now-- Now you just sit down and try to relax.

I'll see if I can get everything back to normal.

Uh, I can't sit down. I have nothing to sit down on!

Don't panic.

Just try and remember the right spell.

Oh, I'll never be able to look Hedley in the face again.

But never! N-never.

GLADYS: We, uh, knocked, but I guess--

Ooh! Abner, see?

Uh, I-- I suppose you folks are wondering why we have

an elephant, uh, here in our, uh, living room?

Well, the thought had crossed my mind.

Well, you see, uh, I'm, uh, doing a campaign

for men's, uh, swimsuits.

Swimsuits?

Uh, trunks, trunks.

Yes, and he's using him as-- As a model.

A model?

Uh, yes.

Uh, for the trademark:

“You'll never forget our trunks.”

Abner, there's the wall woman!

Gladys, we never met the lady.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Uh, Aunt Clara, uh, this is Mr. and Mrs. Kravitz.

Oh, how do you do?

Deekus, gurney, planchet!

That's it! That's it!

I beg your pardon?

Uh, Aunt Clara is a linguist.

That means “Bless your face” in Malayan.

Thank you, Aunt Clara.

Uh, don't do it in here!

Oh, I never could look Hedley in the face again.

Don't-- Don't worry, I'll take him in the kitchen.

GLADYS: Um...

Uh, where is the, uh, wiz--

Uh, the, uh, gentleman I met earlier this evening?

Well, he's uh, uh, in the kitchen.

Oh.

Now, just relax, Mr. Partridge.

Now that I know the spell, I can reverse it.

Feenby, wallabas, nerk!

Oh!

Thank goodness.

Oh, Clara sure made a mess of that one, didn't she, huh?

You know, Endora lied to me about her.

Uh, Mr. Partridge, please, it was really all my fault.

Uh, no, no.

I don't care what you say,

I'm gonna have a talk with that young lady.

Oh, dear.

That's the wizard.

Oh, uh, Mr. Partridge, Mr. and Mrs. Kravitz.

Uh, how do you do?

Uh, Clara, may I speak with you a moment?

Oh, no! No, no, I have to go.

Oh, now, Clara, please--

HEDLEY: Oh, dear, did you hurt yourself?

Are you all right?

I'm all-- I'm fine. I'm fine.

Remember Seranda Ethrington, dear.

You mustn't do those things.

Uh, Aunt Clara's rather near-sighted.

Uh, yes, I told you, Aunt Clara.

You really should wear your glasses.

Yes.

See I told you.

There's a logical explanation for everything.

I suppose there's also a logical explanation for dancing flowers.

Oh, Gladys, will you stop?

Mr. Partridge, did you make those flowers dance or not?

Yes, I did.

See, he admits it! Ha!

Now, I suppose you have

a logical explanation for that, Abner. Huh?

I think he might, if he examined the flowers.

These flowers are rigged.

Rigged?

Yeah.

The flowers have a wire attached to them.

You just pull this wire and they dance.

Is that how you did it, Mr. Partridge?

Yes, that's right.

Uh, I take it you're some kind of a magician?

I used to be.

Well, we'd better be going. Come on, Gladys.

Uh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Now, you said you got into the house

by walking through the wall.

Now, is that true?

Uh, no, that's not true. No.

The kitchen window was open, and I climbed in.

Pathetic, isn't it? Huh?

It certainly is.

You have a weird sense of humor.

Come on, Gladys.

Darrin.

Hm?

Uh, I need some help in the kitchen with the--

Uh, with the turnips.

What help do turnips need?

Oh! Oh, yeah. Sure.

Hedley...

you too?

That's right. Yeah.

I haven't performed real witchcraft for years, dear.

I can't even do the little things anymore.

Neither can I.

Samantha did all the other things earlier.

Oh.

Yes.

So you and I are paddling the same canoe, huh?

Well, it's not so bad.

When you get used to it.

Oh, I know. I don't mind. Really.

Not really.

You know, you can't fight old age. Ha-ha.

But when Endora told me that you hadn't aged at all,

well, I'm afraid my pride got the better of me.

You understand that, no?

Oh, I understand.

Um... Hedley...

Hm?

I, uh-- I'm sorry I turned you into an elephant, you know.

Oh, that's all right. Don't worry about it.

It happens to the best of us.

Oh, well, yes. I suppose.

Let's you and I have another sip, huh?

Oh! Ha-ha.

I'm so glad everything went so well for Aunt Clara.

Do I detect a match-making gleam in your eye?

Oh, no, of course not!

But it would be nice if--

[SNIFFING]

What's the matter?

Orange blossoms!

The whole house smells of orange blossoms!

Sam?

I've had nothing to do with it.

[VIOLIN PLAYING]

You know, it was so nice to see Hedley again.

It's a pity he had to leave town tonight.

He told me he had to make some calls in other cities.

Oh, oh, yes. Yes, he's in the, uh, magic supply business.

Isn't that nice?

Of course, I mean, it isn't witchcraft,

but at least it's an allied line!

You sure you're not really sorry to see him go?

Well, he's going to take me dancing next week.

Really?

Oh, yes.

And-- And he left me something to remember him by.

A doorknob.

Oh! Aunt Clara, it's lovely, lovely!

Oh, yes.

Oh, it's much better than an engagement ring.

[♪♪♪]