Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[SNORING]

[WHISPERS] Darrin...

It's 7:30.

[GROANS]

Is he always so bright and cheerful in the morning?

Mother, will you please get out of here?

The poor dear's been up all night

trying to think up a campaign to sell that boat.

[GIGGLES]

You think that's amusing?

No...

I was just thinking how sweet he looks.

Like a little boy.

Bet he was cute.

What makes you think that?

Well, look at what he grew up to look like.

Oh, that's the argument I was going to use.

I've never seen any photos of Darrin

when he was a little boy.

Wonder what he was really like.

That's easy to find out.

[GASPS]

Don't you dare!

Darrin wouldn't like that.

Oh, don't be silly. He needn't ever know.

SAMANTHA: Mother!

Oh, Samantha, you better start praying for a girl.

I think he's adorable.

I'll consider myself very lucky if our child looks like him.

Now, I think you'd better change him back.

No. No, I'd like a better look at him.

Oh. Hi, Sam.

What time is it?

Why don't you look at your Mickey Mouse watch.

SAMANTHA: It's 7:30.

That late?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Funny, my voice sounds strange.

Must've slept on my ear.

Well, I've got to get moving.

Have a lot of work to do

before I meet with the client this afternoon.

Uh, Darrin.

Darrin, I have something to tell you.

DARRIN: Tell me at breakfast. I have to change.

Darrin.

Ambitious little rascal, isn't he?

I'd say he'd grow up to be president

if I didn't know better.

Take that spell off!

Well, it'll take me a moment to think of it.

Samantha!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Sam, it has got to stop!

I'm a human being,

not a plaything to be whapped up and down at will!

Oh, darling, I agree.

It was a terrible thing for Mother to do, but...

Uh, would you please eat?

Terrible?!

She could have stunted me out of 10 years' growth.

As a matter of fact, she did!

Twenty, actually.

But who's counting? At least have some coffee.

Where's your mother now?

I don't know.

When she heard you yell,

she took the spell off and disappeared.

You coward!

Now, Darrin, I know you have every right in the world

to be angry at Mother.

I tried to stop her, but you know how she is.

You know how hard to control she is.

But I tired, believe me, I tried.

[SIGHS]

You know, I've been yelling at the wrong person.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Wasn't your fault.

Yeah.

Well, if it's any consolation to you,

you were a very cute little boy.

I'll make Mother promise it won't happen again.

And especially not when I'm shaving.

Although after I have that meeting this afternoon,

I may want to cut my throat.

But I would like it to be my own decision.

Still no ideas?

Oh, plenty of ideas.

But they've all been used before.

Sam, we've used five campaigns

to try to sell this series of models.

Nothing works. I don't get it.

They're great fun to build.

Well, you'll think of something. You always do.

I'd better, I'm the agency's last chance.

I'll see you tonight.

Darrin? Mm-hm?

I hope our baby looks just like you.

I'll go along with that, as long as it's a boy.

I wonder what you looked like when you were a baby.

Sweetheart, the very minute

I feel a bearskin rug on my stomach, so help me--

Bye.

Bye.

[♪♪♪]

Harding's on his way up.

Now, remember, Darrin, you're our last chance.

If you don't come through,

the agency will lose thousands of dollars.

Thanks for the pep talk, Larry.

What?

When you came in here, I was feeling rather insecure.

Now I just feel rotten.

You son of a gun.

[♪♪♪]

I always said that Donald had no sense of humor.

Mother, it isn't funny.

How would you feel if you woke up one morning

and found yourself 20 years younger?

Hm, no comment.

So Dennis got quite ugly about the whole affair, did he?

Now, what exactly did he say?

Before or after he called you an old witch

with a warped sense of humor?

An old witch?

How dare he?

No, how dare you?

Tell, uh... Tell Darrin I'm sorry.

You got his name right.

Oh, what's in a name?

By the way, where is he?

He's at the office. Why?

No reason.

Mr. Harding, you're about to meet

one of our brightest young men.

And if he can't create a successful campaign for you,

nobody can.

Mr. Harding, meet your new account executive.

Well, glad to meet you, Mr. Harding.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I've been studying your marketing procedures,

and have devised a saturation campaign using all media.

I believe you'll find it extremely effective.

Now, if you'll look at this breakdown in figures

compiled by our...

One of these days my mother-in-law's

gonna go too far!

Get my wife on the phone.

Yes, sir. What?

Never mind.

Can I help you, little boy?

Well, I'd appreciate it if you'd loan me a dime.

What seems to be the trouble, sonny?

Did you lose your mommy?

No. Look, if you'll loan me the dime,

I'll write you a check.

Sorry, I seem to have misplaced my checkbook.

But, believe me, I'm good for the dime.

Thank you.

Samantha?

Who is this?

This is Darrin!

Darrin? Gee, your voice sounds funny.

That's because it hasn't changed yet.

Sam, how could you do this to me?

Do what?

Darrin, are you in some kind of trouble?

Yes, I'm in trouble.

Uh-oh.

Has Mother been at it again?

Yes, she's been at it again.

Look, Sam, you're my wife and I love you,

and when I married you

I expected a mother-in-law problem,

but this is ri--

I'll be through in a minute.

Look, Sam, you can explain later.

Just make me grow up.

All right, Darrin, I'll try.

Now, just stay calm.

I'll try and remember how Mother did it.

Has your appearance changed?

Now I know how Superman feels.

When you come home, I'll explain how it all happened.

I can hardly wait.

I guess that's how it happened.

Well, sweetheart, you know Mother.

Her sense of humor's a bit, uh, offbeat.

Offbeat? "Juvenile" is a better word.

She's the one who needs to grow up.

What did you tell Larry?

I didn't tell him anything.

When I got back to the office, he and Harding were gone.

Larry's probably out trying to get the account back.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, hi...Larry.

Hi, Sam.

We were just talking about you.

I hate to barge in like this, but I had to see Darrin.

Where's that kid?

Kid?

The one in your office.

Is he a relative of yours?

You might say that.

Close relative?

Fairly close.

I thought so. You know, he looked a bit like you.

Anyway, I want to congratulate you, Darrin.

Mr. Harding thinks it was a masterstroke.

What was?

Getting the kid.

Getting the kid?

Look, when you want to know

what's wrong with a dish mop, you ask a housewife.

Right, Samantha?

I guess so.

So, when you want to find out why a toy isn't selling,

what's more natural than to ask a kid, huh?

Sounds logical, Larry.

Oh, come on, Darrin.

Anyway, the important thing is that Harding thinks so.

Oh, thanks, Sam.

I've set up another meeting for tomorrow morning.

Harding, you, me,

and the kid.

The kid?

Larry, that's not possible.

Why not?

Larry, wouldn't another little boy do just as well?

No. He wants that kid.

You know how unreasonable he can be.

He thinks there's something special about the boy.

He's right about that.

Larry, believe me, the kid is not what he seems.

And I'm sure he won't want to go.

Well, then use your influence.

You said he was a relative of yours, didn't you?

So give him a couple of bucks.

Increase his allowance. Anything!

He's the only one who can save that account for us.

Yes, but, Larry--

Darrin!

I don't want to lose this account.

I'd also like to point out that this whole idea

was yours in the first place.

Larry, in that case, the boy--

SAMANTHA: Will be there.

Thank you, Sam.

Have him at the office at 9 in the morning, okay?

Oh, and Darrin, incidentally, would you tell him

to knock off the mother-in-law jokes?

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Aren't you going to put it in the parking lot?

Well, it's late, honey.

Maybe you'd better make the transformation here

and drop me off and park the car around the corner.

Well, all right.

You ready?

No.

Sam, I don't know about this.

Well, it'll only be for about an hour.

And we can't disappoint Larry now.

I guess not.

Okay, hit me.

I still don't know what campaign's

gonna sell this toy.

Well, I think it's silly for them

to put so much faith in you.

After all, what do they expect from a 10-year-old kid?

Sorry, I was only trying to make you feel better.

Sam, nobody likes a smart-aleck witch.

I'll see you in my office after the meeting.

Darrin!

Excuse me, kids.

Kids?

Get him.

Hey, where'd you get the funny clothes?

Pretty fancy, eh, Stu?

Look, boys, I haven't got time to fool around.

I'm late for a meeting.

So who's stopping you?

[LAUGHS]

I don't find that at all amusing.

Hey, you talk funny.

Yeah, you sound just like my dad.

All right, give me the toy back.

You want it?

Stu, catch!

Hey, give it to me!

Give it to me! You'll break it!

Oh, don't-- Give it to me!

Give it to me.

You'll break it! Please give it to me.

Ah, Stu, let him have it.

Yeah, who needs it?

It's a crummy toy, anyway.

How do you know?

I got one at home.

My dad wanted to buy me another one too.

But I didn't want it.

Come on, Stu, let's go to the park.

Wait a minute.

Why didn't you want your dad to buy you

any more in the series?

Race you over there.

Wait! It's important I find out why.

Wait! It's important for me to know!

Darrin...

Just tell me why you didn't want your father

to buy any more in the series.

Boy, is that all you can talk about?

Yeah, can't you see

we've got better things to do?

How long are you gonna hang upside down?

Until we start to black out.

Yeah, it's real neato.

Isn't that sort of dangerous?

What are you, a Boy Scout or something?

You gonna be long, Darrin?

Let me play a bit longer, Sam.

I bet I can spit further than you.

Just tell me why he didn't buy any more of the models.

I beat you by 2 feet yesterday.

Please, it's very important for me to know.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Because they don't do nothing.

You can look at them.

Big deal.

You can't play with them or nothing.

The boat doesn't even float.

Of course!

That's it!

It's not the campaigns that were wrong.

It's the toys themselves. Huh?

In other words, the model should be changed

so that it does something after it's built.

Look, you gonna spit with us or not?

Afraid I'll have to take a rain check on that.

Thanks, fellas.

Okay, Sam.

Time for me to grow up.

I've got the solution, and I don't have to be a kid

to sell the idea to Mr. Harding.

Good.

There. That's more like the man I married.

Well-- Ooh! Now I'm beginning to get growing pains.

Come on, honey.

I don't know what's holding him up, Mr. Harding.

But, uh, I'm sure they'll be here any minute.

Ah!

Sorry to keep you waiting, gentlemen.

I've been doing a little research.

Where's the boy?

Well, um...

I don't think we need him.

I believe I have the solution--

You promised to bring the boy.

Darrin, I gave my word that the boy would be here.

Well, he is. Don't you want to hear my solution?

I'd rather talk to the boy.

You know, I have a very strong hunch about that little fella.

Are you going to take the advice

of a 10-year old boy over mine?

Have you got something against that boy?

No, of course not.

You certainly act as though you have.

How can you dislike a bright little fellow like that boy?

I know him a little better than you.

Look, Darrin. What?

Mr. Harding wants to meet the boy.

Yeah, I'll be right back.

Okay, Sam, hit me again.

Oh, darling, I thought you had the solution.

They want to see the kid.

So I'll let him tell them my idea,

so they'll believe me.

Oh, dear, out of the mouths of babes.

Please, Sam, I just want to get it over with.

Well, okay.

One Master Darrin Stephens, coming up. Ready?

Well, back to the drawing board.

Ah!

Well, here's the boy we've been waiting for.

All right, after studying the problem from all sides,

I suggest--

Uh, wait a minute.

I-- I think Darrin should hear this.

Where is he?

Oh, we don't need him in here.

Now, you've been trying to come up with--

Excuse me, young fella,

but since Mr. Stephens is the account executive,

I would like him to hear this.

I'll go get him.

No!

That is, I'd rather you didn't.

What's the matter, son?

Don't you like Mr. Stephens?

Well, I know he's a brilliant advertising man.

Probably the best in the business.

Then why don't you want him in here?

Well...I'm not too crazy about him personally.

Well, I still think he should be here.

I'll just step across the hall--

No, you sit down.

I'll get him.

It's amazing.

For his age, he's the most mature young fellow

I've ever seen.

But... I wonder what it is

he's got against Darrin Stephens?

I can't imagine.

Oh, excuse me, I'll just go over and hurry them up.

Sam, this is ridiculous.

They want the two of me in there.

Oh! Oh, hi, Sam.

Well, where's Darrin?

He just stepped out for a minute.

Well, I'd better go and look for him.

Wait in my office, sonny.

Sam...

Whatever you say, darling.

There must be some solution to this problem.

Oh, by the way--

I thought you said he just stepped outside?

He just stepped back in again.

Oh.

Where's the boy?

He just stepped outside.

Can't I get you two in the same room together?

Larry, we just seem to keep missing each other.

Why don't you go back and talk to Mr. Harding.

We'll both be in in a minute.

Okay. And you try and pull yourself together, Darrin.

Get on the ball.

Both be in in a minute?

Darrin, what are we going to do?

We're gonna kill the kid.

Darrin!

I was just speaking figuratively, of course.

I have a certain attachment for that kid.

Okay, honey. Once more, with feeling.

Mr. Tate, would it be asking too much

to get Mr. Stephens and that boy in here?

Aah!

Got ya!

I don't think that's funny, sonny.

Give me that.

All right.

Bull's-eye! Right in the kisser.

Get that gun away from him!

You can't have it.

Now, look, sonny I don't--

Aah! Ow!

I want my pistol.

I want my pistol!

Here, here, here.

There's your pistol.

Thank you.

Oh!

Get that boy out of here!

Don't you come near me.

[LAUGHS]

Where'd he go?

In there.

Uh, I wouldn't go in there right now, Larry.

Give him time to calm down.

What happened to him?

Well, you know how it is with these terribly bright kids.

Highly strung.

Sometimes they can go, just like that.

Pressure must've got him.

What about my campaign?

Mr. Harding, take my advice.

Never send a boy to do a man's job.

Darrin-- Now, let me finish, Larry.

Mr. Harding, you hired this agency

because we're supposed to be experts in this field.

Now, I did a great deal of research on this project.

I think the least you can do is listen to me.

All right. I'll give you 15 minutes.

I hope you know what you're doing.

Oh, uh...

say goodbye to the boy for me, will you?

Tell him to come back and see me in about 10 years.

I certainly will.

I bet he'll be the best advertising man in the world.

Well, thank you, sweetheart.

Why did you say "thank you"?

Well, I was, uh, just taking a few bows for the kid myself.

Why?

Why?

Well, call it, uh, family pride, Larry.

Family pride, Larry.

Oh.

[FORCED CHUCKLING]

I owe a lot to those two kids.

I'd like to do something to repay them.

Hey, lady.

Where's your friend?

Friend?

Yeah, the kid that was here earlier.

Uh...he had to leave.

But I'd like to thank you for being so kind to him.

I want to show my appreciation by giving you a present.

What sort of a present?

Well, what would you like?

A kite!

A big one!

I think that can be arranged.

Hold out your hands...

and close your eyes.

Close 'em!

Hey. How'd you do that?

Uh, take the advice of an old man.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

I don't know what that means,

but thanks, lady.

Yeah, thanks.

Yahoo! Yahoo!

You know, Sam, it was kind of fun being a kid again.

I'd kind of like to run and play with those kids.

Well, don't be too sad about it, darling.

In a few months, you may have a little boy of your own

to play with.

Come on, Peter Pan. Let's go home.

Yippee, lady!

[♪♪♪]