Original subtitles

[PHONE RINGS]

Who would be phoning at this hour?

Oh, I don't know.

Hello?

This is Larry Tate.

No, no, no, we're not back from Europe.

I'm calling you from London.

Louise and I need your help.

Well, sure, Larry. What can we do?

Take care of your baby?!

Yes, until Louise and I get back.

We just received word that our governess has been taken ill.

No, I understand, Larry.

Don't you worry about a thing.

Sam and I will get the baby right away.

[♪♪♪]

[ENGINE STARTS]

Abner! Abner!

Wake up! Wake up! It's an emergency!

What?

The Stephens!

He just put her in the car, and they drove off at top speed.

I bet she's going to have her baby.

That's impossible.

She's only been pregnant three months.

Now go back to bed, Gladys, and let me sleep.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Abner! Abner!

Hey, Abner!

Abner, she's back, with the baby.

Maybe you shouldn't make that meat loaf anymore

if it gives you dreams like this.

I'm not dreaming.

Be reasonable, Gladys.

Did you ever hear of a woman going to the hospital,

giving birth, and bringing her baby home

in less than two hours?

But I tell you, there is a baby.

I just saw it!

I got mugged in the Tunnel of Love.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Isn't he cute?

Yeah.

Kootchy-kootchy--

[GASPS]

Oh, Darrin, I wouldn't do that.

Why?

They say that baby talk isn't good for babies.

Huh?

Well, then, say young fellow, what's your feeling

about the income tax situation?

[CRYING]

Mine too.

I think he's just hungry.

I'll go get his bottle.

And I'll go to work.

But I'll be back early

to help you take care of young Mr. Tate.

So long, fella.

[♪♪♪]

Hi.

Well, good morning, Mrs. Kravitz.

I saw you drive off in a big hurry last night.

Yes, it was an emergency.

And you came home with a baby.

That's right.

GLADYS: Oh, how wonderful!

How much does it weigh?

Oh, about 25 pounds, I guess.

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

Hello there.

Good morning, madame.

I'm Mrs. Kravitz.

I live over there.

Fascinating.

Are you a relative?

I'm Samantha's father.

Oh, how wonderful!

I bet you've come to see the baby.

Samantha's had a baby?

Yes. And after only three months.

Three months?

Don't you find it rather strange?

I certainly do.

It only took her mother 20 minutes!

[LAUGHS]

Huh?

I certainly am surprised to see you, Father.

I'm sort of surprised myself.

I've just heard the news about your having a baby.

I hope you're not upset over the idea

of becoming a grandfather.

On the contrary, I'm delighted!

It'll be an entirely new experience for me.

And you know how I relish new experiences.

Yes, I know.

Tell me, what kind of education in witchcraft

do you plan for the child?

None.

What?

So far.

That's shocking.

You can't put off anything as serious

as that kind of training.

Of course, you know that a baby warlock has certain powers,

but they need to be developed to reach their full potential.

Well, yes, of course. I know, Father, it's--

Well you see, Darrin doesn't really approve

of my teaching our baby witchcraft.

Darrin!

What prejudice!

What bigotry!

Typical mortal for you.

Maintain pride in ignorance and pass it on to the offspring.

Oh, Father, please calm down.

[BABY CRYING]

Oh, dear.

Let me fill this and we'll talk more about it later.

Okay?

Bah.

[♪♪♪]

Ah, so you're my grandson.

I'm your grandfather, boy.

You may call me Maurice.

Speak up, speak up, I can't hear you.

What's the matter with you?

Your mother could talk when she was four hours old.

In six languages!

[CHUCKLES]

Ah, don't worry, lad.

I'll teach you to succeed in spite of your mortal father.

You're in for a little adventure, lad.

Come on! Come on! Let's go!

Father, I was...

Oh, my stars!

[RINGS]

Hello?

Hi, sweetheart. I just called up to find out

how you're getting along with the baby.

Oh, uh, fine. Just fine.

Oh, is there anything I can bring home for him?

Milk, cereal, anything?

No. Darrin...

Yes, darling.

Promise you'll stay calm?

You didn't drop him.

How could you think such a thing?

Well, you just said, "Be calm."

Father came to see me.

Father?

What'd he do? What'd he do?

Well, I-I think he thought it was ours,

and he took it somewhere.

Where? Where?

Uh...that's the problem. I-I don't know...where.

You don't know where--?

You mean that baby might be--?

He could've taken that little child--?

You mean Larry Tate's baby right this minute might--?

Sam...that could mark a child for life!

I'll be home right away.

[♪♪♪]

[CAR HORNS HONK]

A taxi to the London airport, please.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

Larry!

Larry, that man has our baby.

Louise, are you out of your mind?

I tell you, that was our baby!

How could it be?

You know he's at home with Samantha and Darrin.

Are you telling me I don't know my own child

when I see him?

Oh for-- You know all babies look alike.

How dare you say such a terrible thing!

Louise, please.

You're causing a scene.

How can you think so little of your own son?

It wasn't him, I tell you.

Now, will you relax?

You'll be home pretty soon

and everything will be all right.

[♪♪♪]

Beirut. Istanbul.

Now, you know your father,

always looking for the fun places.

He had no right to do it.

That kid doesn't even have a passport.

Hong Kong!

Possibly.

Possibly, they-- They copy his shirts so well.

I have a thought, Samantha.

You go east, and I'll go west.

Try the Riviera first.

He has an appetite for bikinis.

Good idea!

See you later, darling.

Try not to worry.

Try not to worry.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Hello, Darrin, this is Larry.

Oh, uh...Larry who?

Good grief! Larry Tate!

What's the matter with you?

Oh, Larry Tate!

Larry Tate.

Uh, are you still in London?

No, no, no, we're home. At the airport.

Just got through customs.

How's my son?

Who?

The baby! The baby!

Has he been giving you any trouble?

Oh, no, no, no trouble at all.

It's as if he wasn't even here.

He's fine.

We'll grab a cab and be right over to get him.

Oh, no, no, don't do that, Larry.

You stay right where you are.

I'll come over and get you.

That's very considerate of you, Darrin, but--

I'll leave right now.

[PHONE CLICKS]

Samantha...

Help!

[♪♪♪]

[PEOPLE CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY]

My grandson, the warlock.

There's no resemblance to Samantha.

Favors her husband, eh?

He's so cute.

What can he do?

Okay, boy.

Now, let's show them what you've learned.

He's only had a few hours of training so far, you understand.

Now, son-- That's why I brought him over here,

to get his education started on a firm foundation.

Relax, boy. Don't hurry anything.

KITTY: He's so cute.

Please.

Don't disturb his concentration.

That's concentration?

Please!

All right, boy, now we'll start with a little simple levitation.

You see that bottle of ale over there?

I want you to think, think, think it right over to you.

Keep thinking, boy.

I'll get it started for him.

You bring it the rest of the way.

[BOTTLE SMASHES]

Well, he's pretty young,

and it's difficult without practice.

All right! Now, boy.

Remember the spell I taught you on the way over?

Okay, boy. Produce your favorite toy.

You know. A nice little rattle.

There!

Good boy!

Fake!

I saw you materialize that, Maurice.

Now, Maurice, the baby didn't do it, you did.

I did no such thing!

Did I, grandson?

WARLOCK: It's too bad, Maurice. The kid just hasn't got it.

He has to! He's my grandson!

I know! Nanny Witch.

You can wait here for her.

She drops by every day for a quick one.

Don't worry, boy. Nanny Witch will verify

that you've got the stuff.

[♪♪♪]

I've sure missed the little fella.

Can hardly wait to see him.

I can imagine.

Got room for one more.

There you are, Larry.

Oh, thanks.

Must be a faulty catch.

Mm.

I could use a little help, Darrin.

Oh, sure!

Wait a minute!

You find my laundry mark all that interesting?

I've never see--

Darrin, this case has to go in.

Oh, sorry, Larry.

Where'd I put the key?

Ah.

Here we are.

Here, here, here. Let me.

Hey, hey.

No, let me.

No, no, no, no, no!

No, just get in the car, Darrin.

Uh, I'm sorry.

But he's a lovely baby, and I love him.

But he's mortal. Like his father.

Are you sure?

He's only human.

But-- But what am I to tell my friends?

[CRIES]

Oh, shut up. I'm the one who has cause to cry.

What shall I do with him?

Simple.

Feed him.

Okay. Let's go.

Louise, how was London?

You enjoy yourself?

Darrin, we're in kind of a hurry.

Oh.

Oh, thank you, Larry!

Funny, it won't start.

Try turning on the ignition.

Oh.

I'm glad the baby wasn't any trouble for you and Samantha.

I was worried sick about him.

Listen, you don't know the time I had with her.

She thought she saw a man with our baby. In London!

You saw them in London?

On Westley Street, right in front of the hotel.

Darrin, look out!

Darrin, what is the matter with you?

I'm sorry, Louise.

What are you staring at?

Darrin, can we please go?

By the time I see my son,

he'll be so old, he won't recognize me.

[♪♪♪]

Any luck?

Oh, none!

Me neither.

I advised Duncan to--

Darrin!

Oh, well, whatever it is.

I signaled for him to stall the Tates,

but how long he can do that, I don't know.

Poor dear. I'd better help him.

Well, I'll keep looking around the Orient.

We're running out of time.

Good luck, darling.

[♪♪♪]

What's the matter now?

I hear a thumping under the hood.

I don't hear anything.

Well, I do.

Honestly! It's taking us longer to to your house

than it took to fly from London.

I'll check it, Louise.

Hi, sweetheart.

I just wanted to give you a progress report.

Did you find the baby?

Not yet. Mother and I are running out of places to look.

Honey, I can't stall them much longer.

Oh!

Is he talking to someone?

There's nobody out there.

Maybe he's talking to the motor.

Louise, nobody talks to a motor.

What's the trouble?

I'm checking, I'm checking!

How about London?

Louise said something about seeing a man

with her baby on Westley Street.

Westley Street? London?

Oh, how can I have been so stupid?

Of course! The Warlock Club!

You stall them just a little big longer.

Darrin, couldn't we possibly get going?

All right, Larry. All right.

Wait a minute.

What? What's the matter?

You've got lipstick on your face.

Oh. That's red oil.

In the shape of lips?

Well, I guess you got me, Larry.

I was necking with Samantha under the hood.

Get in the car, Darrin.

[♪♪♪]

Where are the keys?

In the ignition.

[CAR STARTS]

Take the brake off. Oh.

Oh, Kendrick!

Ah, Samantha. How are you?

I'm fine. Has Father been here with a baby?

Yes, poor Maurice.

My condolences, Samantha.

Condolences? What happened?

Where is he?

Who knows?

He was so upset by his grandchild's lack of talent

that he departed in a fit of fury and frustration.

Oh, dear.

That wasn't his grandchild.

Do any of you know where I can find Father?

Oh, dear. I've got to get back.

If you do see him, be sure and tell him

to bring that child home immediately.

[♪♪♪]

[BRAKES SCREECH]

[BRAKES SCREECH]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Louise! Larry! Welcome back!

I thought we'd never get here.

LARRY: He drives at 10 miles an hour.

[DOORBELL RINGS] Doesn't even know his way.

I'm calling a taxi to take us home.

Well that won't be necessary, Larry.

Here's your coat.

Oh, thank you.

I'll walk before I ever ride with you again.

How's my precious baby?

Huh? Oh, I'm sure he's fine. Just fine.

Why don't you fix them a drink.

That's a good idea.

Not for me, thanks.

All I want to do is hold my baby.

Where is he, Samantha, upstairs?

On second thought, I will have a drink.

What about the baby?

There's no use being overprotective with him.

He can wait.

Well, what the heck, we've got to live too, right?

What?

I'll get the hors d'oeuvres.

You fix the drinks. I'll help Sam.

What are we going to do?

The only thing left. Tell them the truth.

But, Sam--

[WIND BLOWS]

What was that?

Here.

Serve these.

Here you are, Larry.

Eat hearty.

Oh, Father.

I am furious with you.

He is hopeless.

Pure, unadulterated mortal.

I'll discuss it with you later.

Well, here you are, Louise.

Oh, well, sit him over there.

Hit me again, honey.

Louise!

My baby!

Oh, my baby.

Oh, my precious. Mommy and Daddy missed you so much.

Did you get a cab?

I sure did.

Come on, Louise.

Thanks, Samantha, for taking care of him.

Darrin, we really appreciate it.

Oh, well, anytime. We loved it.

Didn't we, Darrin?

Oh, yes. It was quite an experience.

Can I help you with the luggage?

Oh, thank you, Darrin.

That'd be a good--

On second thought, never mind.

This has been the most harrowing experience for me.

For you? What about us?

The humiliation of learning that my grandson is not a warlock,

and now you're going to have another.

My first.

Father, that wasn't my baby.

No. We were just taking care of him for my boss.

Our baby isn't due for months.

Are you sure?

Then there's still a chance.

Oh, what a relief.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hello.

Hello.

Here's a present for the baby.

Oh, how sweet.

Should we open it now or wait until the baby arrives?

You mean you didn't have your baby last night?

But I saw a baby last night.

This morning you told me there was a baby--

I thought you came to see the baby.

Yes.

I think you need this more than I do.

Well, ta-ta, Samantha.

You too, Duncan.

Darrin.

Right. Darrin. And don't forget.

I expect my grandson to be a warlock

in the classic tradition.

[GRUNTS]

How are we ever going to explain that?

We won't have to.

By the time she's finished that martini,

she'll believe anything.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]