Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

Sweetheart, you look beautiful.

Thank you, Darling.

What time's our reservation?

Eight o'clock.

Any regrets about not having a party?

Nope.

I want to celebrate our first wedding anniversary alone.

So do I.

How about us? One whole year.

[CRASH]

Oh!

SAM: Aunt Clara!

Oh. Oh, dear.

I thought I'd drop in for your--

to wish you a happy anniversary.

But I didn't know it was going to be so hard a drop.

Oh, dear. Ooh! Let me help you up.

Oh!

Let me fix your hat.

It doesn't look like anything's broken.

I want to wish you a happy anniversary

and give you these tokens of my affection.

If I can find them, of course.

Aunt Clara, you shouldn't have.

Oh, now.

I think that's yours. Thank you.

And that's yours.

Let's open them inside.

All right.

Oh, no.

Right over here.

Let me take this.

Thank you, dear. Thank you.

Oh, Aunt Clara,

what a lovely apron.

Oh?

That is beautiful, Aunt Clara.

Let's see what we have here.

Aww. Ah, a golf cap!

Just what I've been meaning to buy.

I'm going to put this in the kitchen to wear at breakfast.

What do you think?

I don't know.

I-I-I think it's a little small.

I'll exchange it.

Oh, don't be silly.

No, I'll cast a spell

and everything will be quite all right.

Don't go to any trouble, Aunt Clara--

Abba-dabba-dabba Dabba-dabba-abba

Remedium decapito zippirare!

[MOUTHING]

I goofed.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Aunt Clara,

I'm sorry we have to run out on you,

but we have a reservation for 8:00.

What's that?

Th-th-th-that's your husband.

Darrin?

Darrin.

Darrin!

What did she do to you?

Well, the cap was too small.

And I made it the right size,

but I got it on the wrong head.

Aunt Clara, this is terrible!

You bring Darrin back right this minute!

Well, uh...

Zilcho casa casa directo!

Chavas havas formsbe!

I-I-I think you better do this for me, dear.

Yes, maybe I'd better.

SAM: What words did you use?

What words?

What magic words?

Oh, what magic words?

Well, I started with abba-dabba-dabba...

Or was it abba-dabba-doobie?

Please, Aunt Clara, you have to remember.

This is very serious.

If you can't remember the exact words

then you can't break that spell and neither can I.

Is that so?

Oh, dear.

You mean not even you, a bloody relation?

I'm sor-- Excuse--

A blood relation?

Not even anyone.

I began with dobba-dabba-dibba...

Sweetheart?

Sweetheart, can you understand me?

If you can, raise your right hand.

Well, thank heaven.

At least you're still here, in spirit.

Now, don't you worry, darling.

We'll have you back in your own body before you know it.

Meanwhile, I better call the Starlight Roof

and tell them we'll be a little late.

[DIALING]

Darrin, breakfast is ready.

[CHIRPING]

All right, darling.

How did you sleep?

[CHIRPS]

Lousy?

Well, I'm sorry,

but I didn't sleep too well, either.

[CHIRPING]

Darrin, why don't you try to relax

and eat your breakfast?

What would you like?

Darrin, breakfast is the-- Thank you.

--most important meal of the day.

Black coffee is not enough.

How about a nice, ripe banana?

[CHIMPANZEE BARKING]

Oh.

Oh, Darrin, please.

I'm terribly sorry.

I wasn't thinking.

Darrin, please come back.

Please?

SAM: Larry Tate, please.

Mrs. Darrin Stephens.

Oh, hi, Larry.

Oh, I'm fine.

But I'm afraid Darrin isn't,

so he won't be able to go to work today.

No, no, nothing serious.

Let's just say he isn't his usual self.

May you speak with him?

Uh, no.

Why?

Well...

because he lost his voice.

He's got laryngitis.

Yes, that's what he's got, all right.

A very severe case of laryngitis.

Oh, I will, Larry. Thank you.

Goodbye.

Sweetheart, Larry wishes you a very speedy recovery.

Good morning, Samantha.

Mother, there's something I have to tell you.

Good morning Derwood.

Darrin. Whatever.

You recognized him.

I'd know Delbert anywhere.

I just left your Aunt Clara.

Poor dear, she feels terribly guilty.

Samantha, should you allow him to sit on the sofa?

He'll shed hair all over it.

SAM: It's his house.

He can shed hair wherever he wants.

How remarkable.

A writing chimpanzee.

"Tell her to get lost."

Who, me?

Mother, What?

I think our problem amuses you.

Oh, Samantha, how can you say such a thing?

You're my children.

You're my daughter, he's my son-in-law.

[BARKS]

I love him very, very, very much.

Don't be a hypocrite.

You didn't love him before, why would you love him now?

He needs me.

He also needs something to go out and play in.

Oh, that's adorable.

Come on, Precious.

Try it on.

[BARKING]

Oh, Darrin.

Did I insult him?

[DOOR SLAMS]

He probably thinks it would make him look like a sissy.

I hate to criticize a man when he's down, Samantha,

but Donald always struck me as being overly sensitive.

His name is Darrin.

Mother, What?

would you stay here and take care of him?

I have to go out for a while.

You want me to be a chimp-sitter?

Yes.

I'll be back in less than an hour.

Where are you going?

Oh, well, I haven't got time to tell you now,

but believe me, it's very important.

I'll be back in a little bit.

Thank you, Mother.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR SHUTS]

Don't stay and sulk up in your room, David.

Come on down.

Mother Endora will comb you.

[SHRIEKS]

Oh, come on, now.

You want to be a pretty chimp, don't you?

[CHIRPS]

[HISSES]

[HISSES BACK]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Good morning. Good morning.

You're Samantha's mother.

We met in Paris.

Oh, that's right.

And you're, uh...

I'm Larry Tate,

Darrin's boss.

Oh, of course.

Please come in.

I'm having lunch with a client of Darrin's

and I'll need Darrin to brief me.

Oh, I'm aware he has laryngitis, but he can write me notes.

Oh, yes.

Yes, he can.

I'll tell him you're here.

If you'll excuse me?

Ah...

Forgive me for barging in,

but Mr. Tate wants to see you

so you can write him notes about a client.

Why not?

Darrin, it's me, Larry.

I want you to brief...

Where is he?

Abner, I whipped up a batch of my icebox cookies

and I'm going over to give some to Mr. and Mrs. Stephens.

Why do you want to inflict suffering

on such a nice couple?

Abner, these cookies are very unusual.

I know. You make them out of real iceboxes.

Ah!

[SCREAMS]

Darwin?

Darwin!

Here, boy!

Here, boy!

Come on home.

Endora was only teasing.

Well,

he's probably hanging around here somewhere.

GLADYS: Abner, open up! [GROANS]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR] Open up, Abner!

Abner!

Come on in, Sweetie pie!

Come on! Come on in.

Hey, get up here!

That's it. That's it.

I thought your sister wasn't coming till next week.

Don't make jokes.

Shut the door so that he doesn't escape.

ABNER: Golf cap and a tuxedo.

He's ready for anything.

I wonder why he was at the Stephens' front door?

Coincidence.

He was wandering around the neighborhood.

Maybe he knows her.

Strange people have strange friends.

I wonder where he belongs.

He belongs in a zoo...

and so do you.

ABNER: Will you please give me the number

of the Municipal Zoo?

Abner.

What?

Abner, he looks familiar!

I know he's a total stranger,

but around the eyes he looks familiar!

Take your medicine, Gladys.

Ah!

Darrin?

Mother?

Darrin, where are you?

He's not here, dear.

I've been looking all over for him.

Well, where's mother? Well--

She said she'd stay here and take care of him.

Well, she isn't here, either.

Oh, Aunt Clara, I have to find him.

Oh, dear. I know.

Don't worry, dear. Don't worry.

I have my book of spells

and sooner or later we'll find the words

that made a monkey out of Darrin. Yes,

But are we going to find the words to find Darrin?

Oh, Aunt Clara, I don't even know

where to start looking.

Oh, yes.

Don't you worry, dear. Don't you worry.

He'll probably come swinging in here any minute.

I certainly hope so,

because I have something very important to tell him.

Yeah?

I've just been to the doctor.

Aunt Clara, we're going to have a baby.

We are?

Darrin and I.

Oh, my dear. Oh, my dear.

Well, that's marvelous.

It's marvelous.

Oh, dear.

Thank you, Aunt Clara.

Oh, dear. Oh.

I'll be a Great Aunt.

You've always been a great aunt.

And Endora is going to be a Granny.

Oh, I can hardly wait to see her face

when we tell her.

Yes. Well...

Aunt Clara, I think perhaps I better be the one

to break the news to mother.

Oh, she'll be hysterical.

Yes, I know.

That's why I want to be the one to pick the right time

and the right place to tell her.

Now, do you understand?

Oh yes, of course, dear. Of course.

First I have to tell Darrin,

wherever he is.

Even though we don't know who you are,

we can't have you wandering around loose, can we?

So, here's your new home

with three nice playmates.

Oh?

Oh, that's marvelous.

Yes, yes. Thank you very much.

My, you certainly work fast.

My guess was right.

A stray chimpanzee was reported in the neighborhood

so a man from the zoo came over and got it--

Him. Ooh.

Darrin is safe and sound locked in a cage.

Who turned him in?

I forgot to ask.

I'll pop over and get him out.

Now, Aunt Clara, you wait here

and keep going over these spells,

and try to come up with the right one.

I'll be back with Darrin as soon as I can.

Now, wait a minute, dear.

Remember your condition, and fly carefully.

It's brilliant!

Darrin?

Darrin?

Which one of you is Darrin Stephens?

Oh, Sweetheart.

I'm glad you're safe.

But why were you sitting in there all alone?

Why don't you mingle?

"I feel, fundamentally, we have very little in common."

Charles Darwin wouldn't agree with you.

All right, Sweetheart.

I'll unlock the door.

[BANG]

Eureka! Eureka!

Eureka!

Aunt Clara, I thought you were going to wait for us at home.

Yes, I know.

But I was so excited!

I was so excited, I had to see you immediately.

Thank you, dear.

I found it!

CLARA: I found it!

The exact original words?

[STAMMERING] It's in volume nine.

SAM: Aunt Clara,

maybe you better tell me and let me do it.

No, I want to redeem myself.

Yes, I know you do, Sweetheart,

but I think perhaps--

Rafino, delino, selino!

[BARKING]

Oh, for goodness sakes.

Oh, marvelous. Now he can't even write notes.

Here, let me do it.

SAM: Where is this thing?

"Aba-daba-daba Daba-daba-uba

"Uba-duba-duba Uden-eyo

Decapito zipidaro."

Oh, thank you.

Itsy-bitsy Weeten-dotten

At last. Oh.

I wasn't even close, you know.

Hey, you get out of there immediately.

Wise guy, huh?!

Teasing innocent chimpanzees!

Don't you know you can make them neurotic?

I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

You bet it won't.

ZOOKEEPER: I should place you under citizen's arrest.

Oh well, ah...

Well, I'm going to take this

because if I don't, you'll just spend it on whiskey.

Hi.

Hi.

Samantha, I am usually a very tolerant person, but...

Aunt Clara, may we have a few words in private?

Yes. You and me? No.

Darrin and I. Oh.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Well, I think I'll go home now and revise my diary.

Well, ahem...

One, two, three, Height.

Oh well, it's a nice day.

You know, I--

I think-- I think--

I think I'll walk.

Darrin, I think we should talk.

You bet your sweet life we should talk.

Sam, it's through.

Finished!

Do you realize what I've been through today?

First of all, I was turned into a chimp.

Then I had to climb out a window to avoid my boss.

Oh, Darrin, I know it's been very trying.

Trying?

Have you ever been hugged by Gladys Kravitz?

And then I end up in the zoo. Darrin--

And then, to top it all off,

I'm rejected by the other chimps.

Oh, Darling, why?

Why? Who knows why?

Maybe because of the suit,

they think I'm some kind of a millionaire chimp.

Who knows?

I'm telling you one thing, Sam,

this is the last time that spooky family of yours

is ever going to make a monkey out of me.

Darling, I have something very important to tell you.

Samantha, this is important!

I love you, but I can't go--!

Darrin, if you love me, you'll listen.

Listen to what?

I think you better sit down.

Okay, what's so important?

I'm going to have a baby.

Good.

You're what?

I'm going to have a baby.

You're kidding. Honest.

I saw Doctor Anton this morning

and he said the test was positive.

I didn't tell you before

'cause I didn't want you to get your hopes up.

Congratulations, Pop!

A baby.

Our very own baby.

Mm-hm.

Well, Sam, that's...

Sam, that...

Sweetheart, I'll try to be the best father there ever was.

You will be.

Now, let's go home.

They want to congratulate me.

No, I don't think so.

I think they just want to say goodbye.

I'll say goodbye.

Aww.

What's the matter?

Sam. Hm?

Will we have a little witch?

Well, it might be a little warlock.

There's no other choice?

Or then on the other hand, it might be a plain,

lovable, mortal baby.

But you don't have any advance information?

Darrin, I'm a witch, not a fortune-teller.

We'll just have to wait and see.

Oh, I can hardly wait.

Neither can I.

Oh, hurry up, Sweetheart, we'll be late.

SAM: Coming!

Wow-wow-wow!

You like?

I like.

Now we got two things to celebrate. What?

Our first wedding anniversary and our first future baby.

All right, I'm ready to celebrate.

Oh, wait a second.

Oh, I love you too.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz. Hello.

I wondered if you knew anything

about the chimp I caught here today.

Chimp?

Yes.

Cute little thing.

He was wearing a tuxedo and a golf cap.

[SHRIEKS]

Yes. Go on, Mrs. Kravitz.

[SCREAMS]

[♪♪♪]