Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

At what time do you wish

to officially begin our fun-filled Sunday?

Like, say, 11?

Like, say, 11... it is.

Let's sleep late, huh, sweetheart?

And in the afternoon,

we can do any crazy, wonderful thing

we happen to think of.

Roger. Over...

and out.

Darrin, promise me, Eagle Scout's honor,

you won't change your mind

and wish you'd played golf with the boys tomorrow.

Promise. Scout's honor.

[GIGGLES]

[♪♪♪]

Lovely morning.

Uh, lovely.

Locked myself out.

It happens to me all the time.

I'm afraid it was my fault.

It... Uh, your fault?

Mm-Hmm. I distracted you when I said it was a lovely morning.

Remember?

Mr. Darrin Stephens, isn't it?

Oh, yes!

I'm Pleasure O'Riley's baby sister.

Well, son of a gun!

I'm holding down the fort while she's on her honeymoon.

Oh, welcome to Morning Glory Circle,

Miss, uh...

D.D. O'Riley.

The first "D" stands for Dora.

Naturally, too cube to use

as my professional modeling name,

So I added an extra big "D."

And that stands for?

Danger.

Well, nice to meet you, uh, Danger.

It's nice to meet you, Darrin.

We seem to have a lot in common, don't we?

Uh, how's that?

We're both early risers.

Oh, that! Yes. [CHUCKLES]

I hate to wake Sam now... Uh, my wife...

Oh, then don't.

I have coffee on, so that's no problem.

By the way, how do you like it?

Your coffee?

On the other hand, maybe I had better wake her.

Let her get her beauty sleep. Now you have a choice:

strawberry waffles or blueberry pancakes.

Blueberry pancakes?

You're kidding.

That's my favorite breakfast!

How about that!

It's a small world, isn't it?

Yeah! Come on.

[♪♪♪]

Darrin?

Sweetheart?

Good morning, darling. Thank you for letting me slee...

Then after mom passed away

and Pleasure went to work modeling,

I learned all I know about cooking

from being a campfire girl.

Are they the way you like them?

Delicious. Thanks very much,

but I just came over for some coffee.

We can't let 'em go to waste, can we?

[TELEPHONE RINGING] Thank you very much.

Hello?

Uh, hello.

This is Mrs. Stephens, your neighbor.

Is Mr. Stephens there?

Yes, he's right here.

How do you do, neighbor?

I'm Pleasure O'Riley's baby sister, Danger O'Riley.

Danger O'Ri...

Hello, Danger. It certainly is a pleasure.

I felt guilty this morning

when your poor husband got locked out

because I distracted him

while he was getting the morning paper,

so I had to feed him breakfast to make up for it.

Naturally.

We didn't dare wake you during your beauty sleep.

Boy, what an appetite this husband of yours has!

He eats like a lion!

Yes, I know.

Uh, good morning, honey.

Good morning, darling.

It seems you've started our fun-filled Sunday

without me.

How long have you been baby-sister-sitting?

Just for a short while, dear. [DISHWASHER THUMPING]

I'll be right there to tell you about it.

The dishwasher!

Oh, no! Honey, there's an emergency!

The dam just broke! I'll call you later.

Darrin? D...

Where do you turn off the water?

I don't know!

Well, where do you keep your mops?

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello?

What's the latest bulletin from the flood area?

Oh, gee.

I'm sorry to borrow Darrin this long, Mrs. Stephens,

but, well,

the Jiffy Plumbing Company

is just taking forever to get here.

And Darrin's a dream

about helping me mop up the kitchen.

Isn't that sweet.

Uh, sweetheart, uh...

[CLATTERING]

Uh, the trouble, you see, is, uh, it's Sunday.

Well, don't worry, Darrin.

Let's all wait a little longer, and it'll be Monday.

Uh, yes. Uh, goodbye.

[♪♪♪]

Hello, George.

Endora.

I hope I'm not interrupting your nice little party.

Not at all. I'm just resting.

What's the happy reason for this surprise visit?

It's your old playmate Samantha.

And I'm afraid it's not all that happy.

If you could've seen

the sad look on the face of my poor lost child,

playing solitaire!

Samantha reduced to solitaire? I don't believe it.

[SIGHS]

To Samantha,

the only one that got away.

How my daughter can prefer that terrestrial existence

to gracious living in a land of endless enchantment...

And married to that mundane mortal

is more than I...

Warlock George.

Ah, Endora,

you are giving birth to an idea of incredible devilment...

with me, I trust, in the star role.

I, Endora,

do beseech you, George, Dream Prince of Mischief,

to rescue Samantha from suburbian solitaire

by zeroing down

on 1164 Morning Glory Circle

and wooing my delinquent witch daughter

back to her senses.

A perfectly wizard notion, Endora.

Shall I go as a wolf?

No. That's too obvious.

Why not your old nimbus?

The one that so inspired Edgar Allen Poe.

[LAUGHS EVILLY]

Wizard.

[SQUAWKS]

Solitaire for Samantha, nevermore!

That's my boy.

Go on! Go to it!

[SQUAWKS] There!

[LAUGHING]

[SQUAWKING]

Sam, I am sorry about yesterday,

but I obviously couldn't leave

that young kid all alone

with her sister's kitchen flooded.

How true!

And I had no idea the Jiffy Plumbing Company

was going to take three hours to get there.

[KNOCKING]

That's probably Miss O'Riley now.

Who else?

Sam, she doesn't have a car,

and she has a very important modeling engagement.

I merely offered to give her a lift.

[KNOCKING] Well, you mustn't keep Lolita waiting.

Gee, Darrin, I hate to rush,

but would you mind hurrying?

I'm almost late.

Hi, Mrs. Stephens.

Bye, sweetheart.

Anything I can bring you tonight?

Yes. A new deck of cards.

Bye, sweetheart.

Bye, darling.

[SQUAWKS]

George!

Well, I should have known.

Hi, there, Cinderella.

Your old Prince Charming

has come to take you to the ball we used to have.

What are you doing here, George?

What are you doing here, Samantha?

I live here!

You merely exist here.

I felt the vibrations

of your unhappiness all the way up there.

So I decided to swoop down

like Lochinvar... Like Lucifer.

Listen, my fine-Feathered friend,

I'm not supposed to be happy every minute...

I'm married.

Got the message.

So I decided to rescue you from your gilded domestic cage.

George, for old time's sake, do me one last favor.

Disappear.

With you by my side, wild heart.

Forget it, George.

I'd rather be a contented earth woman

married to a mortal any day.

And that's that. Samantha,

I've been put on this earth for one purpose:

to eliminate your stale negatives

and accentuate your old bewitching positives.

George, w...

Oh, George, please.

Mm-Hmm. Basic black. Now that suits you.

Okay.

Bye-bye, blackbird.

Unfold those gossamer wings and fly back home

to my mama, who put you up to this.

[ENDORA LAUGHING]

Oh, Mother,

when are you going to stop?

This is my life.

And I am deliriously happy,

married to that normal, kind, loving...

Only on occasion thoughtful human Darrin Stephens.

All right. I give up.

You do?

But before I leave...

You will vanish this instant.

Otherwise, I will be forced to use drastic methods.

What kind of magic is that supposed to be?

This is a wedding ring.

Good.

[SQUAWKING]

[SQUAWKS EXCITEDLY]

Hey there, birdie.

Cute little bird.

Bye-bye, birdie.

Well, then how about this, fellas?

"Here is the key to your secretary's happiness:

A new electric Feather Touch typewriter."

Well, Darrin, so far, uh...

So bad.

Oh, I wouldn't say that, Stephens.

A layout like that could be very, uh...

Adequate, Porterfield?

If the client marks us mediocre,

we can say bye-bye to the Feather-Touch account.

PORTERFIELD: So? All that Tate has to do

is to come up with a sales campaign

that's merely brilliant,

and they will sign that new deal

for two million in gross billings.

Feather Touch. Feather Touch.

A brand-new electric typewriter that requires a new image,

for billboards along the freeways,

magazine copy, television commercials.

An eye-grabbing trademark that will talk to the customer.

And when we find the perfect image,

it could be right under our nose.

Darrin, you have a match?

[SQUAWKS]

Look at that bird.

I'm looking.

Right under our noses?

[SQUAWKING]

Darrin, boy...

are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Larry, boy, I am thinking what you're thinking.

What a perfect product image for a series of TV commercials.

Will you look at that crazy crow?

Raven, Larry.

That sweet bird.

Play that keyboard like music from a cash register.

Boys, the copy should write itself.

"We're 'raven' about Feather Touch. You will too."

Or... a cartoon balloon from the raven's mouth,

Edgar Allen Poe-style:

"Nevermore any problems for your secretary."

I'll buy that,

until you can think of something better.

Miss Thatcher, will you come in, please?

Miss Thatcher, will you find a pet shop that's open

and order a large cage for this raven?

And a sack of their best birdseed.

Mr. Stephens will pick it up.

Uh, yes, sir.

Uh, did I hear you right, Mr. Tate?

You heard me right, Miss Thatcher. Go!

Gentlemen, I like this bird.

He'll be a credit to Madison Avenue. Look.

There in all his commercial glory...

PORTERFIELD: Piquant, bankable charm.

DARRIN: Stands our new Feather Touch trademark.

Go to work, Darrin. It's your account.

From now on, this bird is your baby.

Samantha. Sam!

Yes, darling?

Surprise, surprise.

We have a houseguest. You'll never guess who.

Danger O'Riley.

Oh, come on, honey.

It's our new two-million dollars' worth of trademark

for the Feather Touch account.

Ta-da! A fantastic trained raven.

Wait till you see the tricks he can do.

You'll never believe it. Maybe I will.

Please do everything you can to keep him happy, won't you?

If our brainstorm works out and those charcoal sketches

I intend to make of him tonight...

Tonight? Here? Yeah.

Ooh. Uh, is there a window open someplace?

In the bedroom.

I'd better close it before I let him out.

I think our bedroom closet

might be the safest place for him to sleep tonight.

I don't think so.

[RAVEN WHISTLES BEWITCHED THEME SONG]

How about that?

He also croaks "Bird in a Gilded Cage."

I intend to catch him in all his cute moods.

You've caught him in one right now.

Darrin, I want to talk to you. Come down here right away.

Darrin, this is no ordinary bird.

You're right. He's a genius!

Honey, don't tell me you're afraid

of this charming little fellow.

Look at that. How can you resist him?

It's easy.

Okay, genius. The jig's up.

You're entitled to the truth.

I used to date this funny bird.

Darrin Stephens,

I'd like you to meet George,

the mischief-making home wrecker.

Charmed to meet you in the flesh,

advertising man.

But he...

How could he...? Why did he...?

Honey, Larry and I, we... I gotta get another bird!

[ENDORA LAUGHING]

Sam, am I losing my mind?

No, you're not. And you're not losing me either.

I give you my word that my meddling mother

is not going to break up this human home.

All right, Endora! Where are you hiding?

Let's have this out right now, face to face!

Oh, let's.

Just when is this going to stop?

Now, now, Darrin, there's no need to shout at her

and get yourself all upset.

Upset? Will you be quiet for a minute?

[GASPS]

Can't you see how happy we are?

Doesn't that mean anything?

All I've seen lately

is that fun-filled Sunday

you didn't have with my daughter!

You turned her into the solitaire champion

of the universe!

Yesterday could not be helped.

It was an accident!

Danger O'Riley.

[WHISTLES]

Some accident.

I'll take care of you later.

Oh, uh, mm.

Now, look, Endora.

I realize that into every life

a little rain must fall,

but this is ridiculous!

You have personally set back the mother-In-law business

200 years! Oh!

Mother.

What?

For my sake, will you please go?

And take this big loon with you.

Good.

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

If you don't get out, I'm gonna throw you out.

Ooh, Darrin, don't!

That was in bad taste, George.

I think he's kind of cute.

To tell you the truth,

I like him better that way.

George, please!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Darrin, would you please answer that?

[RINGING CONTINUES]

Oh, Darrin, I hope I'm not disturbing you,

but do you know what I just did?

You agreed to sell Girl Scout cookies door to door.

No. I had a roast in the oven, and I was opening the door,

and it just fell off and went kerplunk, like that.

I hate to impose on you. I see you're entertaining.

Our guest was just leaving.

Oh, then do you mind, Mrs. Stephens,

if Darrin tries to fix it?

He's so handy.

May I volunteer to aid a beautiful lady in distress?

Samantha may be

the world's greatest solitaire player,

but I happen to have majored in oven doors at Oxford.

You did?

Danger O'Riley,

I'd like you to meet George... Raven.

George Raven.

What a funny name. But it's awfully sweet of you.

Bye.

Isn't that sweet?

I'm not so sure.

I opened the oven door, and it went kerplunk,

just like that.

Just like that. Mm-hmm.

Hey, aren't you Mr. Wonderful!

And you learned it all at Oxford, Mr. Raven.

Mm-hmm.

Soda or water?

Soda, please.

Sam, will you look at this?

I think she's invited that big spook to stay to dinner.

I invited you to dinner once, remember?

What's wrong with a witch being attracted to a mortal?

Nothing, except you did the honorable thing.

You told me what you were,

so I was able to cope with this...

This...

Copeless situation?

[BANGING]

Miss O'Riley.

Yes, Mr. Raven?

You're a very sweet human being.

Along with being very beautiful.

Even though you're a graduate of Oxford,

you needn't be so formal.

You may call me Danger, if you like.

Oh, I like, but you may change your mind

when you find out that, uh... I'm a warlock.

Oh, well!

You are?

Yes.

Well, so?

This is a free country, isn't it?

And anyone has the right to go to the church of their choice.

Look, Sam.

Can't we try to be adult about this situation?

I'm game. You start.

Come on, Sam.

It's only natural to be concerned

when a naive kid like Danger O'Riley...

Naive? My fat Aunt Harriet!

I didn't know you had an Aunt Harriet.

"Warlock: Deceiver. A breaker of his word.

A name for the devil. A male witch."

"A monster, malicious imp, demon."

Oh, aren't you being too hard on yourself, George?

Nobody's perfect.

Danger O'Riley, you are a true innocent.

And at this stage of our budding relationship,

gallantry impels me to demonstrate...

the dangerous extent of my powers.

Hey!

That's very good, George!

I think I know how it's done.

I used to go with a magician. He taught me this one.

See?

I didn't go with him very long.

What do you think you're going to do?

If you won't go next door and warn that kid

she's entertaining a warlock, I will.

I wouldn't do that if I... You're not...

Hi again, Stephenses.

We've found each other.

Would you like to help us celebrate?

I destroyed your campaign.

The least I could do is repair your spirit.

I can always find a new bird.

But talking about spirits, I...

Did you tell her, George?

Oh, sure.

He tried to put me off with all those little tricks.

But I say, when a person's attracted to another one,

why fight it?

Salute.

[♪♪♪]

George, you failed me.

Endora, you can't win 'em all.

Whatever happened to your old black magic,

your old fatal charm?

Let's face it. His was stronger than mine.

Wow!

Or words to that effect.

Now will you ever doubt that I love you only?

Nevermore.

[♪♪♪]