Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[HORN HONKS]

Good afternoon, Mr. Kravitz.

Oh, good morn...

Uh, is it afternoon already?

Why, yes.

Huh.

I've been standing here all morning

waiting to cross.

You're exaggerating.

A little, not much.

Hi, Dave.

Hello, Samantha.

Oh, hello, counselor.

Hello, Mr. Kravitz.

How's the most beautiful woman in Morning Glory Circle?

Tell me something, Dave.

Do the girls really

fall for that line? Usually.

How's that lucky husband of yours?

Very busy.

I am too, but I won't be for long

if I keep my most important clients waiting.

Now, wait a minute.

You're not gonna try and cross now?

You don't think a fast man like me

is going to be stopped by a few slow cars, do you?

[MULTIPLE HORNS HONKING]

[HORNS HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

What's happened here?

It's a miracle I wasn't killed.

We have been asking for a stop light

on this corner for months.

Why haven't we gotten one?

Well, that's not up to me, lady.

That's up to City Hall.

Go fight City Hall.

Well, I think we should.

I do too and soon.

Why don't we have a meeting

at my house tonight and discuss it?

Fine. What time?

8:00. We'll be there.

"We"?

You do want Darrin too, don't you?

Only if you insist.

I insist.

I'll be there too.

With Mrs. Kravitz?

Only if you insist.

[♪♪♪]

Ooh!

Oh, didn't I teach you

never to play with sharp objects?

I'm not playing, Mother.

I'm working.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

It's much simpler that way, my dear.

Not in a long run.

You know Darrin doesn't like me

doing things that way.

I'm surprised he doesn't insist

you tear it apart with your fangs.

You promised not to criticize him.

Oh, perish the thought!

It was just an observation, not a criticism.

Why are you dining so early, Samantha?

Darrin's working late,

and I have to be at a neighbor's house for a meeting.

Why?

We want to get a traffic signal

installed in Morning Glory Circle.

Is that all?

That's plenty!

Getting a traffic signal installed

is a very difficult thing.

Not to me, it isn't.

I'll get some traffic signals from little cities.

I'll bring them here,

you pick out one that appeals to you,

and I'll put it in Morning Glory Circle

quicker than you can say "Beelzebub."

No, thank you, Mother.

[WHINING] Oh, I wish you'd let me help you

in little ways, Samantha.

What's a mother for?

All right, then, we're all agreed.

We've got to do something of a dramatic nature

to show City Hall we want some action.

I say we should lie down

right in the middle of the street.

You lie down right in the middle of the street.

The traffic's too heavy for me.

I'm afraid, Mrs. Kravitz, that's illegal.

We could get arrested.

We could get killed.

When I said "dramatic," Mrs. Kravitz,

I didn't mean we could go quite that far.

Why don't we hold a protest meeting

in the school auditorium?

That is a great idea, Samantha.

We could hold it... Let's see.

A week from Saturday.

Why wait a week?

Time's important.

Yes, it's very important,

but it's also important

to get a maximum turnout.

We have to advertise.

Take an ad in the Morning Glory News,

and I'm afraid we couldn't get one up

on such short notice.

I'll bet Darrin could help.

He's always being called on

to do the impossible.

But is Darrin interested in what we're doing?

He isn't here tonight.

I know, Dave, he had to work late,

but I'm sure he's very interested.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Excuse me.

Well!

Hi, Dave. Sorry I'm late.

DAVE: Come on in.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, darling.

You all know my husband, Darrin.

Hello! Hello there.

Glad you could join us, Darrin.

I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

We were just talking about

getting up an ad

for the Morning Glory News.

I told him you'd be glad to help us.

Well, of course. I'd be delighted.

But we're worried about meeting a deadline.

I don't think there'll be any problem.

When is the deadline?

Tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning?

That's not impossible, is it?

No, I think I can handle it.

See?

Now...

Next to having a big turnout at the rally,

the most important thing

is to make its existence known to City Hall.

I'm going to see what I can do

about getting the mayor to attend.

I guess the last item of business

is the appointment of the chairman

of the refreshments committee.

Any volunteers?

I'll volunteer

if someone will lend me some cookie cutters.

SAMANTHA: I have some.

Well, the meeting's adjourned.

Are you sure you can prepare an ad

by 8:00 tomorrow morning, Darrin?

Of course.

After all, it's not a legal brief.

I hope it doesn't keep you up all night.

Don't worry, it won't.

Okay. Good night, then.

Good night.

Good night, Dave.

Hi there.

Hi.

That was delicious. What's for dessert?

You just had it.

That little piece of pie?

[CHUCKLES] I'll get you another piece.

I better go get

Mrs. Stephens' cookie cutters.

What's your hurry?

Are you planning to start baking tonight?

Can you think of anything more exciting to do?

Besides, never put off until tomorrow...

What you don't have to do at all.

[GASPS] Oh!

Mother!

Tsk. What have you done?

I didn't know which one you preferred,

so I brought an assortment.

This is "walk" and "don't walk."

Prevents jaywalking.

It's against the law, you know.

This is the red, green, and yellow.

Prismatic colors.

It's fairly attractive.

This is a conventional red and green light.

Rather ordinaire.

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS]

[SHRIEKS]

Abner!

Oh, this is my favorite.

It's old-fashioned.

[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

It's like that plaything

you used to have when you were young.

You know, monkey on a stick?

I must say, its removal created

a rather monumental traffic snarl.

Put them all back, Mother.

All?

All.

Why should I do that?

You've heard the expression, "Easy come, easy go."

When we finally do get a stop light

at that intersection,

I would like it to stay.

Well, all right, Samantha.

I'll take them all back...

eventually.

Now, please.

Tonight?

Tonight.

Oh, I had a lot of things planned for tonight.

Well, I'm sorry, Mother, but this has to come first.

Oh, Samantha, sometimes I think you take after your father.

[BELL DINGS]

Thank you, Mother.

[WHISPERS] We'll be arrested for trespassing!

[WHISPERS] We're not the ones that are gonna be arrested.

Look. Look.

Yeah, very pretty.

But I know I saw them.

Lights flashing red, green, yellow,

walk, don't walk, stop, go.

Here you are.

Thanks.

Aw... Something wrong?

Yes, that's wrong.

The ad?

Yes, I slave over ads all day.

When I come home at night,

I like a little food and a little relaxation.

I know.

Then why am I sitting here?

You volunteered.

Right this minute, I'd just as soon

you'd kept your nose out of that traffic-signal business.

I cross at that corner several times a week.

Why can't you fly across?

Because I have a husband

who doesn't like me behaving like a witch!

Samantha?

Samantha!

Samantha, open the door.

[SIGHING]

Samantha, will you please open up?

Why?

Will you please stop playing games?

Will you start work on that ad?

I'm not in the mood.

I know,

but you have to finish it by morning.

It's very important.

I promise I'll get up bright and early

and tackle it fresh.

You seem fresh enough to me right now.

Get to work. But, Sam...

Whistle when you're through,

and I'll come and unlock the door.

Honey...

[WHISTLES]

I said after you're through.

Yes, warden.

[ALARM RINGING]

[RINGING STOPS]

[SNORING]

Good morning.

Hmm?

Good morning.

Good morning.

What time is it?

8:00. What time did you finish?

7:30.

You've been up all night?

Yeah, but don't tell Dave.

Let him think I'm a genius.

Come on over here, honey.

Take a look at this.

Well, what do you think?

Ohh!

Well, I think you are a genius.

It's beautiful!

But is it effective?

Oh, it's very effective.

If this doesn't get people to our rally,

I don't know what will.

But I'm sorry you didn't get any sleep.

So am I.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, that must be Dave.

I'll get it, honey.

Do I look like I've been up all night?

You look beautiful when you've been up all night.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Whew.

Good morning, Darrin.

Good morning, Dave!

You able to finish the ad?

Well, naturally. Come on in.

It must've taken you all night.

Are you kidding?

Good morning, Samantha. Good morning, Dave.

You look beautiful. You look terrible.

Forget about that. Look at the ad.

Looks like we're gonna have

our meeting Saturday after all.

I guess so.

Uh, this is just about right.

I just have two little suggestions.

Suggestions?

I hope you don't mind.

Well, no! Why should I mind?

What are your suggestions?

Well, the top line, I think, should read,

"Stop risking your child's life."

What if the reader doesn't have a child?

Well, that doesn't matter.

It's still a more effective headline, I think.

I think so too.

I thought you liked my headline.

Oh, I do, darling,

but I think Dave's suggestion helps.

It's still basically your headline, Darrin.

Yes, that's right, darling.

It is yours... basically.

What's your other, uh, suggestion?

Well, under "Go to the mass rally

at the school auditorium,"

I think you should add, "and bring your friends."

I think that's an excellent idea.

Don't you, Darrin?

Suppose a person doesn't have any friends?

Oh, sweetheart, that's ridiculous.

Who doesn't have any friends?

Me.

Darrin, I want you...

Darrin?

It's all finished, Dave.

Dave? Wake up. You're dreaming.

What?

Oh! Larry. I'm sorry.

Well, you should be.

I realize that Sleggershammer's Dairy

isn't the most stimulating account in the world,

but it does butter our bread.

With "the richest butter this side of Fort Knox."

Yeah, nevertheless,

we can't afford to have you falling asleep

in the middle of the campaign for their gala centennial.

Larry, I've been moonlighting.

You have another job?

Yes, in charge of advertising for the "Put A Traffic Signal

In Morning Glory Circle" Committee.

My condolences.

What makes you think I'll need them?

I once had a similar position.

We lived near a busy intersection,

and Louise was very anxious to get a traffic light

installed there. Well, what happened?

Well, we have a traffic light on our corner now.

How'd you do it?

We moved.

[HUMMING]

Ah-ha! I caught you.

Who am I, Jesse James?

Those cookies are for the rally.

I'll eat now and go later.

No, you'll go with me now to Mrs. Stephens'.

What for?

To return the cookie cutters.

That's not a man's job.

Okay.

Do I have your word

that you won't take any while I'm gone?

It's yours.

Abner, a man shouldn't give his word lightly.

A man's word should be his bond.

You got my bonds too.

[CHUCKLES]

Mrs. Stephens!

Oh, yes, Mrs. Kravitz?

Here are your cookie cutters.

Thank you.

Won't you come in for a minute?

Oh, no, uh, Abner, my husband, Mr. Kravitz,

uh, he's waiting for me.

Oh, fine. Thank you again.

Oh, you're welcome. See you at the rally.

Yes.

[GASPS] Oh!

Excuse me.

I'm Mrs. Stephens.

Can I do a...?

[GASPS]

Abner!

All right, Mother, what's all this about?

How did you know I was behind this?

I'm psychic.

It's really quite simple.

I happened to notice this gentleman

doing a rather exemplary job

of directing traffic in Trafalgar Square,

so I thought

I'd surprise you with him.

I don't want you to think me ungrateful,

but what am I going to do with him?

Put him in the middle of the intersection,

of course.

He'd give a touch of divine elegance

to a somewhat dreary

little community.

What happens when he's removed

from the state of suspended animation?

Ha! Oh, it should be glorious to behold.

Take him back, Mother.

Oh, Samantha!

In London, he's just another pea in a pod.

But here...

he'd be the talk of Morning Glory Circle.

So will I, if you don't stop all this.

Oh, Samantha,

there must be some way I can be of help.

I believe there is.

At the rally.

Oh.

All right, ducky,

back to Trafalgar Square.

Now, what would a London bobby be doing

at Mrs. Stephen" house?

That's what I'd like to know.

Now, go ahead and look, look!

Here, Gladys, have a cookie.

You've been working too hard.

And so, my friends, I trust that you understand

why it's impossible

to approve your request for a traffic signal.

Now, although I must dash off

to a very important meeting,

I'll stay long enough to answer a few questions.

The young lady in the second row.

Correct me if I'm wrong, Mr. Mayor,

but didn't you say

that if there were enough serious accidents

at that intersection,

that the city then would install a traffic signal?

[CHUCKLES] I thought I made myself clear.

I said...

that when the accident experience

at any intersection

is such that a signal is warranted,

a signal will be installed.

Does someone have to get killed before that happens?

My friends,

on my way here tonight,

I had to cross the intersection in question.

Frankly, it lacked sufficient vehicular volume

to justify the expenditure of a traffic signal.

This gentleman has a question.

I have a statement, Your Honor.

Try to cross it some weekday morning

when the men from the missile plant

are driving to work.

You know what their motto is?

"Thou shall not pass!"

[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]

You elected me mayor to do the right thing

for all the people, didn't you?

Personally, I supported your opponent.

[LAUGHTER]

I assure you, good citizen,

my opponent, and his rich wife, had he been elected,

would have been guided by the same rules

that I was forced to apply today.

And now I really must go.

Thank you, and remember,

feel free to call on me

whenever I can be of any help to you.

Well, honey, I'm gonna go talk

to the counselor.

We'll meet you out by the parking lot.

Fine, darling.

ENDORA: Samantha.

Ooh!

[CHUCKLES]

The mayor isn't going anyplace

for a while, Samantha.

Marvelous, Mother!

I'll take over from here.

Have fun. I will.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

[♪♪♪]

Pretty good turnout.

There's Samantha.

Are you coming with me?

I... I guess not. See you later.

You need some help?

Yeah, but you don't look

like a mechanic to me, lady.

Try that.

I already did.

Try it again.

Well, what good would that do?

Try it again, numskull.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Thank you very much, miss.

Mrs. Stephens.

And this is my husband.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Your Honor, could you give us a lift?

If I'm going your way.

You are.

Well, good! Hop in.

[HORNS HONKING]

How long will this traffic keep up?

Oh, sometimes it lasts for hours.

Well, give them the siren.

The siren's broken, Your Honor.

Well, blow the horn!

[THUMPING HORN]

You know what we need on this corner?

What?

A traffic light.

Mm! Good!

Can I be of any help, Sam?

Yes.

Don't eat any more hors d'oeuvres

till the company arrives.

And get out some ice.

Uh-uh-uh.

Mother!

Oh, isn't it adorable?

I just couldn't resist it.

Very well, Samantha,

but when I heard you were giving a victory party,

I thought it would be appropriate

to bring it along

as sort of a guest of honor, you know?

Mm, I know, but I don't think

the other guests will understand.

I told you so!

[RINGS DOORBELL]

Ah, there's someone now. Mother, please?

Oh, Samantha, you do have an annoying way

of putting a damper on my divertissements.

Oh, hi there, Mrs. Kravitz,

Mr. Kravitz.

Hello, Mrs. Stephens.

Good evening, Mrs. Stephens.

I see we're not the first to arrive.

Look again.

Wh-what...? That wasn't...

Did you see?

Well, I saw a...

But there was

a traffic light right there

and also there was a woman sitting there.

Gladys, take your medicine.

Gladly.

Excuse me.

Again.

[LAUGHS]

Again, Gladys.

[LAUGHING]

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]