Original subtitles

And I give you my personal guarantee

that finer merchandise does not exist.

These are absolutely the finest bristles made.

No, thank you. I already have a broom.

Believe me, lady, you can always use an extra one.

No, thank you.

Toothbrushes. Polish up your smile.

You never know when people are gonna drop in.

No, really.

The barbecue. Extra-stiff bristles for the barbecue!

I told you, I already have

all the brooms and brushes I can use.

That's impossible, lady.

No housewife ever has enough brooms and brushes.

All right, see for yourself.

[♪♪♪]

Sweetheart, no breakfast for me. I won't have time.

Oh, but, Darrin!

I'm late, honey.

Something happened to the alarm.

Well, you might as well relax, dear.

You've missed your train already.

I have? How do you know?

Have you been, uh...?

No, no. It's watchcraft, not witchcraft.

Oh.

Well, the next train isn't till 9:30.

Oh, dear, isn't that a shame!

Well, I guess they'll just have to muddle through at the office

without you for an hour.

Okay.

And I'll just muddle around here for a while.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Save my place. I'll be right back.

Well, good morning.

What can I do for you?

Look, son, I've got a lot on my mind this morning, so...

Oh, well, hello, Marshall! What a surprise!

How come? I'm here every morning.

Who's he?

Well, I live here, that's who I am.

Who are you?

That's Marshall. He lives down the street.

I see.

Well, you overshot your mark.

It's okay. I can stay for breakfast.

But you better not kiss me,

because I've got a cold, I think.

He's got a problem.

He's got a problem? What is he doing here?

I'm his only friend in the neighborhood.

Well, you're my only wife in the neighborhood.

And I thought we'd have a nice breakfast together.

Anything I can do, Mrs. Stephens?

No, no, Marshall.

You go and sit down. Breakfast is ready.

"Anything I can do, Mrs. Stephens?"

Darrin, now, try to understand.

He's an unhappy little boy

with a nervous, overprotective mother and no father.

So he comes over here every morning to play with you?

I knew you'd understand.

I certainly do. You're interfering.

What do you mean?

His problems are none of your business.

I'm merely being his friend.

I know you, Samantha.

Oh, really?

You only look vaguely familiar to me.

No, thank you.

My mother says I'm allergic to strawberries.

Oh? What happens when you eat them?

I don't know. I never had any.

Samantha, his mother does not want him to eat strawberries.

Boy, they sure look good.

How about some juice, Marshall?

Oh, that's right. You can't have that either. Too acid.

Or French toast. Too rich. Or sausage or...

I don't mind much about the juice.

Marshall, why don't you go on home...

and ask your mother if you can't try one strawberry?

She'll say no.

How do you know?

She always says no.

Besides, she doesn't know I'm here.

I'm supposed to be

in my room nursing the cold I'm probably getting.

Your face isn't flushed.

I'm not even sniffling yet.

[SNIFFS] See?

You don't have a fever.

Samantha, his mother says he has a cold.

Yes, dear, I know.

I just meant that his eyes look perfectly all right.

But his mother says he has a cold,

and she is his mother, isn't she?

Oh, yes, she certainly is.

WOMAN: Marshall!

I'm being come after.

Marshall!

Here I am, Ma!

She can run two blocks in 27 seconds with high heels on!

Marshall, I've been just frantic!

What are you doing here?

I'm Mrs. Stephens. This is my husband, Mrs. Burns.

Marshall was just visiting.

How do you do?

I told you to stay in your room. You have a cold.

And if you're too young to realize how dangerous it is

to run around with a cold,

I should think at least an adult would recognize it!

But he isn't even sniffling.

I'm sure there was no great damage done, Mrs. Burns,

but Marshall shouldn't have disobeyed you.

Well, thank you, Mr. Stephens.

I'm glad to see that at least you are a sensible person.

Mrs. Burns, all I tried to do was...

You have no children, Mrs. Stephens. That's quite obvious.

Oh, it is?

We've only been married a short time.

Because if you did,

you'd realize that their health is something precious

that has to be constantly guarded.

I raise my Marshall very carefully,

and I do not appreciate interference from anybody.

Please remember that.

Come along, Marshall.

Samantha!

Bye-bye, Marshall. Come back any time.

Sam, don't you think

you ought to try to get your mind off that boy?

Well, I can't help it.

Every time I think of him,

lonely, no friends, can't play with other children...

They're all carriers, you know.

Sam, I'm just as sorry for that kid as you are,

but he's not our responsibility.

Now, the best thing we can do for him

is to discourage him from hanging around here.

His mother has certain ideas, and...

Like strawberries are poisonous.

That's her opinion.

And so is French toast.

And so is French toast.

And baseball is a dangerous game.

And baseball is a...

"Dangerous game"? Baseball?

Oh, I knew you would!

Knew I'd what?

Help him with his baseball.

Not if his mother doesn't want me to.

But, Darrin...

Samantha, he's not our son.

Well, if we ever do have a son,

and if I ever get the silly notion

that baseball is dangerous,

I certainly hope that someone will see to it

that your son doesn't miss

the Junior League tryouts tomorrow afternoon.

I am playing golf tomorrow afternoon.

I'm not.

Samantha, will you please...

Yes, I will!

Oh, I knew you'd want me to go with him.

And if he makes the team, his mother will change her mind.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Samantha, baseball is not the issue!

I don't want to talk about baseball anymore.

Do you?

[CHILDREN YELLING]

COACH: All right, Freddy, right in here. Give it right to him.

Aw, a little high.

Now, remember, Marshall.

When you get out there, all you need is confidence.

You're as good as you think you are!

Oh, I think I'm pretty good.

The trouble is, I know I'm pretty bad.

Go on.

COACH: Okay, let's try it again, Freddy.

Uh, how do you do, uh, Mrs. Stephens?

Oh, hello.

I'm Gladys Kravitz, your neighbor, remember?

Yes, of course. How are you, Mrs. Kravitz?

I didn't know you were interested

in Junior League baseball.

Oh, yes. I came with a friend.

That's my nephew, Floyd, down there.

Oh, really? Which one?

The beautiful one at bat.

You can practically see his eyelashes from here.

Belt it, Floyd!

[PLAYERS CHEER]

Nobody can pitch to him!

Okay, Jimmy, that's enough. Come on in.

Okay, Burns. Mound.

Next time, you'll do her, son.

Okay, let's see what you can do today, huh?

They're not serious! "Marshmallow" Burns?

His name is Marshall.

Oh, is that your friend?

It is.

Oh, I didn't mean to laugh. But, well...

"Well" what?

Well, he's always been afraid of baseball.

He's afraid of his own shadow.

Okay, Burns, let's see what you can do. Right into his target.

BOY: Come on, Marsh!

[CHILDREN JEER]

That's okay. Once more now.

Right in there. Put it right to him.

Well, you see what I mean? He can't play.

He's just a little slow getting started, that's all.

COACH: Once more, now. Try to get it right into his target.

Choke up on your bat. Watch the ball, Floyd.

[ALL CHEER]

Attaboy, Floyd!

Well, maybe if you worked with Marshmal...

Marshall a little bit.

Well, up to now I've done

everything that was humanly possible.

Did you see that?

Oh, Mrs. Kravitz, you ain't seen nothin' yet!

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, darling.

Darrin, Marshall made the team.

You went to the tryouts today?

Yes. And Coach Gribben says he's gonna be a triple-threat man.

You know what that means?

I certainly do.

It means all three of us are in trouble

when his mother finds out.

Oh, I should think she'd be proud of him.

I was. And you would have been too.

You should've seen Gladys Kravitz!

Her nephew's the star of the team.

Up until now, that is.

Just how much did you have to do

with the, uh, athletic awakening of Marshall Burns?

I just gave him confidence.

What else did you give him?

What else is there?

Oh, well, there's, uh... that! And there's, uh... that.

And probably a few other rituals I'm not familiar with yet.

Oh, Darrin, really!

"Oh, Darrin, really" yes? Or "Oh, Darrin, really" no?

Because if you did, Samantha,

you did that kid a big disservice.

He's playing in the opening game tomorrow.

Sam, you can't follow that kid around the rest of his life,

wiggling and twitching at him.

You've given him false security.

I just tried to get him started.

Then after he plays with a team for a while,

he'll have a chance to practice and improve,

and he'll get his confidence back

and he won't need me anymore.

But, Sam, suppose it doesn't work that way?

Suppose the poor...

[GATE OPENS, CLOSES]

What's that?

The backyard gate. Someone's in the yard.

I'll go with you.

Marshall?

Oh, hi, Mrs. Stephens.

What are you doing here?

Running away from home.

Why?

Oh, because it's a big, wide, wonderful world

with lots of places to see and things to do!

And my mother won't let me play on the team.

Well, why not?

Oh, bats get thrown, the ball is hard,

the grass is wet, the sun is hot...

Okay, I get the picture.

Let's go.

Where are we going?

Inside to call his mother

so she can come and take him home.

Where's Marshall?

He's perfectly all right.

He's in the den watching television.

I thought it might give us a chance to talk, Mrs. Burns.

I don't know how he got out of the house!

What's he doing here?

He was running away, Mrs. Burns.

Running away? Why?

Because you've got him wrapped in cotton batting

and he's smothering, that's why.

Samantha, Mrs. Burns may be

a very cautious and concerned mother,

but...

SAMANTHA: Concerned?

Well, I don't understand either one of you.

If you were really concerned,

you'd know how important it is

for a boy his age to have friends, to be part of a gang,

to be accepted!

You should've seen his little face shining

when he told me he'd made that team.

It made me want to cry.

Samantha, I've told you not to interfere.

Mrs. Burns has every right to choose her boy's activities.

Well, thank you, Mr. Stephens.

I'm glad to see that you understand.

I certainly do. You've got to watch these kids every minute.

And, incidentally, I'd have that trellis removed from the side of the house.

Trellis?

Yes, he told us that's how he got out.

Climbing down that fragile trellis?

Oh, no! I can't believe it!

It's a favorite means of escape for most boys. Used it myself.

Well, that's very kind of you to let me know.

I'll have it removed immediately!

Traitor.

Of course, it might be easier if you put locks on his windows.

MRS. BURNS: Locks?

Probably be cheaper too.

And a lock on his door, with only one key.

That way it'd be impossible for him to get out again.

I don't think that will be necessary.

There's no sense taking chances.

When a boy feels like a prisoner,

he'll do anything to get out again.

Oh, incidentally, I'd do what I could

to keep him out of the kitchen.

Very dangerous room, the kitchen.

Marshall doesn't spend much time there.

There's so few things he can eat, it hardly seems worthwhile.

Mrs. Stephens!

Oh, and the bathroom! Worst room in the whole house!

Wouldn't have one in our home! Too dangerous.

Even worse than baseball.

I've heard all I'm going to listen to, thank you!

Marshall!

Mrs. Burns, please, don't get angry.

We were trying to say

that you can't protect anyone from everything.

Mr. Stephens, and I'll ask you for the last time,

stay away from my little boy, you hear me?

You stay away from him.

Or I'll... I'll report you both to the authorities.

Come on, Marshall. We're going home!

Darrin?

Forget it, honey. Just forget it.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Will nothing in this world stop your interference?

Will nothing?

Just a minute. Calm down, Mrs. Burns. What's the trouble?

Don't tell me he isn't here! Don't tell me!

If you're talking about Marshall, no, he isn't.

Well, where else would he be?

You mean he's run away again?

And this time he didn't even take his clothes with him!

The game!

The Wildcats are playing their season's opener today.

Of course! Mrs. Burns, he's perfectly all right.

He's just gone to the park to play in the big game.

Oh, do you think so? I'm certain of it.

Well, then, there's still time to stop him.

He just left a short while ago.

Mrs. Burns, you don't mean you're really going to stop him

from playing?

If other mothers realized

how seriously a child could be hurt out there,

they wouldn't permit it either.

But lots of mothers...

I don't want to hear any more.

Samantha, Mrs. Burns is right. This is our fault.

I think we should help her.

Mr. Stephens, I don't trust you.

You want to get to the park, don't you?

Yes. Well, we'll take you.

You don't drive, do you? Well, of course not.

I didn't think so.

Come on, Sam, there's no time to lose.

Now, you won't drive too fast, will you?

No faster than the law allows.

Fifteen miles per hour, right on the button.

Certainly isn't much traffic, is there?

There certainly isn't.

But we sure are making good time.

[HORNS HONKING]

Seems to me that light's been red for about 15 minutes.

Do you suppose it's broken?

Oh, I don't think so. It should change any minute now.

[HONKING CONTINUES]

Ah, there it is.

Oh, good.

[PLAYERS CHATTERING]

UMPIRE: Ball!

[ALL CHATTERING]

Strike three! You're out of there.

Okay, Kravitz, get in there and swing away.

Okay, coach.

Play ball!

Abner, Floyd is up to bat again!

Wonderful.

Well, the least you could do is look at him.

Why do I have to look at him?

Don't I give him money?

Belt it, Floyd!

UMPIRE: Ball!

Marshall? Marshall, you come here!

UMPIRE: Strike one!

Haven't you anything to say to me?

I pitched three innings, and I only gave up one hit!

You're kidding!

And I got a single, and drove in one run!

UMPIRE: Ball two!

I'm very proud of you, Marshall.

But you shouldn't have left

without telling your mother where you were going.

She was very worried about you. Now, that's not right.

I'm sorry, Ma. But we can go home now if you want.

[THWACK]

[CHEERING]

All right, Kravitz!

He's safe!

Hey, Abner, look what happened!

The tying run is on base. Your nephew Floyd hit a double!

Don't yell, Gladys!

Does everybody have to know our business?

Come on, you're up, Burns.

Get in there and tear the cover off of it!

I can't, coach.

You can't? What do you mean, you can't?

What does he mean, he can't?

You better ask his mother.

What does he mean, he can't?

I'm Marshall's mother.

What does he mean, he can't?

What's the matter with him, Mrs. Burns?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Go on, Marshall.

[PLAYERS CHEERING]

Belt it, Marsh!

They used to call him "Marshmallow."

MAN: Down in front!

CROWD: Down! Down! Down!

[CROWD BOOING]

There they are, Abner. The Stephens from across the street.

Mm-hm.

I swear to you, there's something funny about her.

She came here yesterday with Marshmallow Burns.

Oh, he was miserable.

And before that, he couldn't do anything.

But since she came along, he improved 100 percent.

Now, what do you think about that, Abner?

I think it's entirely possible

the same thing would happen to me.

UMPIRE: Strike one.

PLAYERS: Play ball. We want a hit!

Not so much as a twitch, understand?

No, no, of course not.

He did very well before we got here, didn't he?

Let's keep it that way.

PLAYERS: Come on! Come on!

UMPIRE: Strike two!

PLAYERS: Belt it, Marshall! Come on! Run over!

Come on! Come on! Hit a home run.

Belt it, Marshall.

UMPIRE: All right, play ball!

Sam, don't do it.

Let him be on his own and let the chips fall where they may.

FLOYD: Get me home, Marsh! Get me home!

[CHEERING]

COACH: Come on, Marshall. Come on, boy!

Oh, he'll never make it! He just can't! I know he can't!

PLAYER: Come on!

Sam, don't you dare!

Oh, Darrin!

[SQUEALS]

Safe!

[CHEERING]

Did he make it?

I was watching you.

[CHEERING]

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

Great play on the ball, Clark. You're all great.

Marshall! Oh! Oh, Marshall, your nose is bleeding!

I know, Ma! Ain't it great?

Ha!

[PLAYERS CHEERING]

That boy of yours has got a lot of spunk.

What does he mean, he can't?

He's got the makings of a fine ball player.

Oh, really?

Yes, if his father would work with him a little.

Oh, I'm a widow, Mr. Gribben.

Oh, yeah?

Well, maybe I ought to drop over and work with him a little.

You know what I mean.

Well, that would be just fine.

Well, if you think it would be worthwhile.

Wasn't it an exciting day? Uh-huh.

Aren't you glad you went? I mean, for Marshall's sake?

Yes, I am. I'm very proud of him.

And he did it all by himself. You saw that.

Yes, but you almost slipped.

Uh-huh.

I was crazy about the way you stopped me. Thank you very much.

The pleasure was all mine.

How about some dinner?

Anything you want! You just name it.

Chateaubriand, coq au vin, bouillabaisse.

I'm going to twitch us up a banquet tonight.

Sam, you promised!

Oh. Well, all right.

Stop me again, and I'll scramble us up a couple of eggs.

[♪♪♪]