Original subtitles

A NETFLIX SERIES

I hate Christmas.

I've said it.

I just wanted you to know

in case the human race dies out, really.

Not because of the panettone or the lights. No.

I love panettone and lights.

I hate Christmas 'cause Christmas has it in for me.

Here I am. I look happy, don't I?

Actually, I am.

I have a job I love. I have friends that I like.

But people don't care about your happiness at Christmas.

All that matters is having your own family.

Here he is. Look.

Baby Jesus hurrying to reach his mom and dad.

These are my siblings.

Christmas doesn't have it in for them because they've made their own families.

And my mom loves them

because they've found their place in the world.

And for her, finding your place in the world is essential.

The only problem my mother has

is me.

I am neither married nor in a relationship.

In fact, to punish me this evening,

she sat me in between my brother's twins.

But I won't buckle. No.

I am proud of my independence.

And I don't need a boyfriend to be happy.

-The one who got married? -I have one!

I have a boyfriend. I'll bring him home for Christmas.

I know, I lied. True.

But you spend 12 hours the way I did, and then we'll talk.

12 HOURS EARLIER

I feel like this Christmas

is different.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Cute!

The sun's out. I haven't mentioned Francesco in a year.

You just did.

That doesn't count.

-And Mom finally removed the kids' table. -Really?

Yes, because your kids are grown up now.

What about the twins?

No.

She can't make me sit next to the twins. Right?

Gianna, sweetie, you're the odd one out.

Where do you expect to sit?

Well, unless someone gets sick before this evening. That's possible.

At this time of year, catching a chill is all it takes.

Giacomo, honey, are you wearing a scarf?

If not, you'll get sick. If you get sick, Mommy dies.

Do you want Mommy to die?

I do!

Damn you both. It's your fault that I'm here.

Why am I here?

We found the butcher's broom. Moss for your dad too.

Since we've got the moss, too, we can go home, right? Done.

Come on, Titti. We've always done this.

We come here. We chat.

-It's tradition. -But traditions change. People grow up.

As of today, my new tradition is to stop doing this nonsense with you.

Like wearing heels to go to the woods?

Be patient, Lord. She's confused. She hasn't had sex in three years.

Is that mistletoe?

Grandma said kissing someone under the mistletoe

brings a year of passion.

Yes, she was always saying it.

Yeah.

Yeah, but married people don't have sex. Everyone knows that.

I'm 30, and I'm a virgin. Who do you think needs to find love more?

The mistletoe is mine.

I saw it first!

You stay there!

Ouch! That's rude.

It's all mine. I'm taking it all!

All right, I'll keep it for Christmas, Titti for New Year, Cathy, the Epiphany.

What about me?

I mean, couldn't I kiss someone at Christmas?

Sweetie.

You? At Christmas? Come on.

Apparently not.

According to my friends,

me kissing someone at Christmas is impossible.

True. Since Francesco left me, I haven't been with anyone else.

But that doesn't mean I'll be alone forever.

Hello.

Hi, Gianna.

One, please.

Big prizes this year.

CHRISTMAS RAFFLE

-Yeah? -A romantic trip to the mountains for two.

A spa evening for two.

And as a consolation prize,

mittens,

for two.

Fantastic.

Sorry, Gianna. Have I been tactless?

No, of course not.

What do you say? Maybe we'll do a scratch card?

No.

The truth is that for everyone, I'm alone.

And I always will be.

The only place where this doesn't matter is the place I love the most.

My hospital.

See you later.

Here you go, Giulia.

Thank you.

-So, how did it go? -Good, thanks.

-Tell me later. -See you later.

Hello.

-Hello. -Hello. Thank you.

-Giannina. -Matilde, how are you? Welcome back.

Good. Giannina, darling.

Can you take Ms. Clotilde for a CT--

Matilde. Matilde Castoldi.

Yes, however, Mrs…

Matilde.

May have severe chronic obstructive pulmonary disease,

and she's complaining of chest pain.

There are no miracle cures, but we could give her a better quality of life.

Young man, listen, my quality of life is perfect as it is.

If you could at least try to stop smoking.

At 80 years old!

Young man, we have to die of something sooner or later, right?

Where did you find this one?

Dr. Menghini transferred from Florence.

Umberto, could I ask you something?

You've read her notes, right? I see signs of polychondritis.

She's been smoking for 60 years. Her chest pains are due to her lungs.

Let's do a test.

Can we swap shifts tomorrow?

-Yes. -Great.

-Hey, you. -Hi.

Regarding your suspected polychondritis…

I'm ordering some tests. You were right.

I'm off.

I have a shift in the ER.

See you later.

Are you gonna tell the doctor you have to turn right to go to the ER?

No.

He'll work it out on his own.

-You're terrible. -I learned from the best.

Married, get it? He even has kids.

-It didn't say that on his Tinder profile? -What do you think?

Rumor has it that you did better than a doctor.

Not really, but--

Lucky you. You gave up men and can now focus on your work.

No, I really have not given up men.

It hasn't happened,

but "Gianna's given up men" isn't written in stone. No.

No.

Besides, I have mistletoe now. So, you know, we'll see.

A year of passion.

Thanks for the information, Gianna.

Now, if you've finished gossiping, you can come to the meeting.

I need a list of five doctors and nurses who'll work on Christmas Eve.

How many of you were planning on spending it with partners or kids?

Gianna, double shift as usual?

That's the fate of single or childless people.

Keeping everything going while everyone else stuffs their faces.

Sorry. I got the wrong floor.

No problem. Since you're alone here, I put you down for a double shift.

-Any objections? -No.

So we'll share the magic of Christmas.

O come, all ye faithful

Joyful and…

-Here I am. -Here you are.

You said you'd be here at 4:00.

-Sorry. -Lisa gets nervous without you.

Look at her. She's nervous.

-No, she's fine. -She's gonna be sick.

-Mommy loves you. Don't be sick, okay? -Stop it.

You're gonna embarrass her.

-You're like Mom. -No. What are you saying? No way.

Mom never came to hear you sing anyway. I did.

Sorry I'm late. Two emergency patients arrived.

-Yeah. -I'm so tired.

You don't know what tiredness is until you have kids.

I can assure you.

I haven't slept in months.

I do night shifts in the hospital too.

It's not the same. A mother never sleeps.

What about diapers?

Truckloads full!

I change diapers in the hospital too.

Christ the Lord

Well done, Lisa!

Gianna, when will you have a little shepherd of your own?

Gianna?

Hi, Margherita. How are you?

Hi, Francesco!

Good. And you? What are you doing-- I mean, what are you doing here?

I came to see my wife's niece.

Greta's at home with the baby. I came to represent the family.

And Gianna?

Gianna? Uh, Gianna's…

Well, you know what she's like. Always out and about,

up and down the country, more up than down.

Because down is bad, and she's never down.

She's working.

She's working right now.

Okay. Tell her I said hi.

-Sure. -All right. Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas. Bye. -Bye.

Are you dumb?

It's your fault. You made me nervous.

Although, sweetie, you broke up three years ago. You could say hi to him.

I'll say hi next time.

Did you know Francesco had a kid?

Yeah.

He called him Pietro.

Pietro?

You can't give your kid the same name as your ex's dad!

It should be illegal. Right?

Anyway, he looked well, right?

I mean, he's doing well.

That's how it is. Men get better with age. Women get worse.

I don't mean you. Just in general, I mean.

And his wife's a total health freak, a real pain.

Herbal tea, quinoa, avocado.

How do you know all these things about Francesco?

-People talk. -Mommy.

No, darling, no candy. Really. They ruin your teeth.

Then you'll have to get braces.

Then we'd have to remortgage.

And then we'd die. Want us to die?

I'm going to get Giacomo from violin.

See you at Mom's. Lucky you, not having anything to do. Bye, sweetie.

I have quite a serious job.

I help save human lives.

Whatever.

And that's how we got here.

Friends with no faith in you.

Lottery sellers who pity you.

Colleagues who basically take the death of your love life for granted.

Bosses who think you're a loser.

And then, there's the best part.

There's my family.

Hi, Gabriella.

Hey! Hi, Gianna.

-Hi, Dad. -Hi, darling.

Am I mistaken, or is it much bigger than last year's?

Much bigger. Did you find the moss?

-Yes. Here it is. -Good girl.

Will you help me in a few days? I can't do the Nativity without you.

Yes, sure. I'll come after my morning shift.

It has to be world champion standard this year.

This wouldn't have anything to do with Gabriella's fish shop's Nativity?

She left her husband for a Neapolitan. You understand?

Naples, Gianna. The kingdom of nativities.

And her husband was also my best friend.

Dad, do you…

do you think I'm weird?

Weird?

I mean, that it's weird that I've been alone for many years,

that I still don't have my own family.

Alone? But you aren't alone, Gianna.

-You have me, your mom, your siblings. -Yeah.

We're your family, aren't we?

What a ridiculous question.

-So shall we try it? -Let's try it.

-Are you ready? -Yes.

-Three. -Two.

-One. -Go!

Go.

Pietro!

This Nativity competition thing is ridiculous.

At least it stops him fishing.

He covered the house in mud yesterday.

After all, with a coercive, narcissistic mother like his,

it's normal for your father, at 60,

to still behave like a baby.

Has Gabriella really left her husband?

Yes, it was time.

A man with no backbone.

Darling, I saw this elastic on TV

that crosses behind your back and keeps your shoulders straight.

I'll get it for you. It might help.

No, Gianna, sorry. We are seated in pairs of two.

You're alone. Odd numbers disrupt the balance.

Okay.

The balance.

Giulio, we're waiting for you.

Here I am.

-All right. -Bon appétit.

I hope you like it.

Bon appétit.

-Did you hear Elsa's daughter had a baby? -Yes.

She's not even 30.

Lots of girls are going back to having kids young in Milan.

It's more natural.

I had Margherita when I was still studying psychology.

No need to go to Milan. Thirty's old for your first baby in Chioggia too.

Actually, you're considered old after 35.

That's how it is.

Darling, are you going to be here for Christmas Eve this year?

I don't think so, Dad. I have a shift at the hospital.

No.

This year too?

Why do you let them walk all over you?

She doesn't make the rules.

Anyway, I'm happy that Gianna doesn't have a boyfriend.

You can be my little girl for a bit longer.

Old maid. The term's "old maid."

I'd freeze my eggs.

No, sorry, Gianna's 30. She doesn't need to freeze anything.

Sweetie, why don't you call my lawyer friend again?

He calls you "wonky legs," but affectionately.

Francesco didn't make jokes about your legs.

And he was a great cook.

-Not to mention his Nativity. -I heard he got married.

I'd freeze my eggs, just in case.

I have one.

I have a boyfriend. I'll bring him home for Christmas.

There's hope for everyone!

Now you understand why I was talking bullshit.

I was practically forced to say it.

It's just that…

And now there's this…

A little problem, you know?

Basically, I destroyed Christmas.

What happened?

Baby Jesus.

He fell as they were putting him in the Nativity.

I saw it. Crazy stuff.

They were lowering him down from the bridge, and plop!

A moment later, he was gone.

It isn't Christmas without Baby Jesus.

Indeed.

Thank you. Good evening.

Bye.

24 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS

Disappeared among the waves. Get it?

I told a lie, and Baby Jesus fell in the water.

They're still looking for him. Nothing. He's vanished.

But, sweetie, that's just superstition.

God can't be mad at you because you're looking for love.

He isn't, but I am. Find a boyfriend, I beg you.

I can't bear this problem too.

-I'll sign you up for Tinder. -No.

Why not?

No! Gianna's looking for a boyfriend, not just sex.

Actually, I was thinking. Why not come to choir with me?

-There are lots of people. Singing-- -Yeah.

Caterina, read my lips. "Sex."

She needs to have sex, not sing.

Love. It's called "making love."

It's something that's very different and much nicer than sex, I assure you.

You can assure me of that because you know what we--

Ow! I was just asking.

Titti!

But, yes, finding a man in 24 days is gonna be hard.

But there are a few simple rules.

No talking about your ex.

Because women who talk about their exes reek of… defeat.

Right?

And generally, be concise.

Few words.

-I won't talk. I… -Good.

-Men hate women who talk too much. -It's impossible.

Even if I wanted to put my all into it,

finding a boyfriend in 24 days is impossible.

It would take a miracle.

Don't worry. I'll put it out.

No, wait.

If there are cables, water will make things worse.

I learned that on a marinading and grilling course.

Throw that away.

-Yeah, throw it away. -Yeah.

Thank you.

Marinading and grilling.

-Hi. -Hi.

21 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS

My name's Luca.

Gianna.

Are you new? I've never seen you before.

Yes, it's a trial lesson.

I didn't really want to come. My friends signed me up.

Sorry, I'm a bit out of practice.

Being in a place with just men makes me a bit awkward.

Don't worry. It's a cooking course.

But if you want to get away from someone, there's the old trick.

Look down and pretend you're checking your phone.

-Thank you. -No worries.

They said that for the trial day,

I can join some of the other students to help out…

-The seat next to me's free. -Perfect.

We have a new student again today.

Gianna. Nice to meet you.

Listen,

you do know the kitchen is no place for girls?

Well, actually,

women in the kitchen--

Darling.

We don't cook here.

Here, we create.

Water! Air! Earth! Fire!

What is the real man's element?

Fire, chef!

And what do we do with fire?

We control it, chef!

Because we are…

Men, chef!

Turn your grills on!

Is he always so pissed off?

I'll sort the fire. You wash the veg.

This is the wrong place for licking your wounds.

I haven't come to lick my wounds. I'm not wounded.

In fact, it's been nice to be alone for a bit.

When you're alone, you can think about yourself,

do the things you love.

For example, if you were in a relationship,

you may not be able to do this class four times a week,

whereas now you can.

Why?

Well, because you'd have to spend some time with her, your girlfriend.

Why?

Because that's how couples work.

You know, you share hobbies, do things together, come up with, I dunno…

Are you coming on to me?

I wasn't coming on to him.

True, I'm trying to find a boyfriend by Christmas.

But I'm not gonna come on to the first man I see.

And actually, the real reason I came to take this class

is simply to meet new people.

Why are you doing this class?

'Cause my shrink says I have anger management issues.

-Absurd. -Interesting.

-Maybe because-- -Are you gonna chop those fucking carrots?

Listen, I have nothing against anger.

It's a noble feeling that's to be respected like any other, but…

I'm more for peace, that's all.

Anyway, it's great that you're a philosophy graduate.

It was my favorite subject.

Well, the philosophy you do in high school

isn't really philosophy.

Losers teach it there.

And what is it that you do?

I teach philosophy.

In a high school.

Luckily, it was just a cut

because wounds on the phalanges are hard to treat.

I know because I'm a nurse.

-Nice. Taking care of others. -Yeah.

A typical woman's job.

Water.

No! No water.

-What are you doing? -Shut up!

Water on electrical appliances creates a short circuit.

And you don't need to come to a course to learn that!

Going to middle school will do.

-Bye, guys. -Bye.

Excuse me. Have you got a light?

Nice joke.

But, no, I don't.

I know. I made a fool of myself. I know.

But don't worry. I won't come back.

Titti, my best friend, is right.

Yes. I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared of being weird. Scared of mentioning my ex too much.

I'm scared of wasting time.

That people, when I say hello, look at their phones to ignore me.

It's horrible when people look at their phones.

I don't have a phone.

And if I had one, I'd never look at it.

Hi. My name's Nicola.

I wasn't at the course.

I teach Italian to foreigners on the floor above.

Okay. Sorry. I didn't think--

Gianna.

Gianna. Aren't you cold?

-Yes, I'm a little cold. -Hang on.

-Voilà. You're welcome. -Thank you.

You can give it back to me tomorrow night.

If you like.

Bye, Gianna.

BASED ON THE NORWEGIAN SERIES HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

Subtitle translation by: Jaclyn McLoughlin