Original subtitles

1982. That was the year I turned

13. Before I was a comedian, I thought

the coolest thing that would happen to me

was being a teenager.

I was going to have women, money, stay

out late. I thought it was going to be

the bomb.

Boy, was I wrong. Chris!

Get in the bathroom to wipe the pee off

the toilet seat.

Disgusting.

When I was 13, my mother convinced my

father to move us out of the project. She

always said project is just another word

for experiment. In a lab, the government

gives rats cheese. In the projects, the

government gives people cheese.

Dad, can we stop at McDonald's?You got

some McDonald's money?Julius, the kids

have to eat. They ain't gotta eat

McDonald's. You got some bologna in the

back, I'll pull over. My father, Julius,

always kept bologna handy just in case.

We get one combo meal. Drew gets the

burger, Tanya gets the fries, Chris, you

can have a drink. One time, I just got

iced.

We moved to an apartment in Bed-Stuy,

Brooklyn. Now, had we known that

Bed-Stuy would be the center of a crack

epidemic, I guess we would have picked

someplace else. Bed Stuy

even had its own motto. Bed Stuy, do or

die. Look at that. Look at that. Look at

that. Those are some of the guys that are

gonna die. If I ever catch any of

y'all spray-painting on anybody's wall,

I'm gonna put my foot so far, you're

behind, you'll have toes for teeth.

Get inside. That's my mother, Rochelle.

She had 100 recipes for whooping ass.

Boy, I will slap the caps off your knees.

I will knock you into last night. I will

slap your name out the phone book and

call Ma Bell and tell her I did it.

That's my younger brother, Drew. There's

nothing worse than having a little

brother that's bigger than you. My

sister, Tonya, was the youngest and would

do anything to get me in trouble.

Chris, clean that mess up. Tonya did it.

Uh-uh. Did I ask you that?Since I

was the oldest, I had to be the emergency

adult. You smell smoke and you think the

house is gonna catch fire. Get your

brother and your sister and get out of

here. If you smell gas and you think the

house is gonna blow up, get your brother

and your sister and get out of here. If

you smell smoke and your brother catches

on fire, get your sister and get out of

here. Fortunately, the house never caught

fire and neither did my brother. Mom, why

is it that you and Tanya get to go to

school in our own neighborhood?But I have

to go all the way out to Brooklyn Beach.

Brooklyn Beach was a poor Italian

neighborhood on the other side of town.

It was just like Bed Stuy. Take away the

gangs, add the mob. Because the

junior high school around here is like a

hoodlum factory. Now those white kids,

they get an education. Not a Harvard type

education, just a not sticking up a

liquor store type education. Hey, Dad.

Hey, baby. Oh, ohh what's up, Dad?

Hey, Daddy. Hey, baby. Tanya was my

father's favorite. What's wrong with your

oatmeal?Chris made it too lumpy.

And she knew it. You don't have to eat

it. I know you're not gonna throw that

away. Eat that.

That's 30 cent worth of oatmeal. My

father always knew what everything cost.

That's $1.09 in the trash.

That's $2.00 on fire.

That's 49 cent of spilt milk dripping

all over my table. Somebody gonna drink

this milk. Baby, did you see

this?Well, I paid this.

It says you paid half. I know. I gave you

all the money. How come you only paid

half the bill?I cannot even believe that

you're asking me that. Just asking you a

question. I'm trying to find out what's

going on. No, you're not. You're

questioning my judgment. You act like

there's not a big red bill sitting on the

table. OK. Fine. You do it

later. I will. OK. I am. Good.

Fine. Fine. My parents taught me love is

never having to say, Kiss my ass. Where

the stamps at?I was

never cool growing up. The coolest thing

about me was this pale white sneakers I

had. Oh, no, no, no, no, no,

noBoy, you are not going to school with

no sneakers. Believe it or not, there was

a time when you couldn't wear sneakers

everywhere. Why?Everybody else wears

sneakers. Because you look raggedy. And

plus, you have an assembly today. Boy,

you know, lost your mind. My mother hated

raggedy. She always said it's better to

be poor and neat than rich and raggedy. I

think she said that because we were poor.

Here. Wear Drew's

good shoes. I hate these

shoes. And everybody will make fun of me

at school. You've only been gone there

for a week. You don't know everybody. I

was the only black kid at the school.

They know me.

This is so embarrassing. How come he's

wearing my shoes?Cuz you only have one

pair of feet. But Chris, don't fool

around after school. I need you to be

here to let Drew and Tonya in. OK?You

won't be here. No, I got to work today.

But you know the drill. Yeah, yeah, I

know. I knowDaddy's gonna be asleep and

don't wake him up till 5:00. That's

right. Chris. You got

your bus pass?Yeah, um.. somewhere,

honey. Mm-hmmYou keep on.

You lose this bus pass, and your behind's

gonna be walking to

school. Oh. Here's $2 for lunch. Thanks.

All right. Y'all be good. Bye,

mommy. Bye, baby. Hold your sister's

hand. Don't go on the street. That girl

thinks that she's

so good Keisha was the girl next door.

At 13, I didn't know a lot about sex, but

I knew she had something to do with it.

Hey, Drew. Drew. What's up, Keisha?

You know her?Yeah.

Drew was so cool, he got girls at 10 that

I couldn't get until I was 30. Listen,

when y'all get to the house, don't ring

the bell or knock on the door. Just wait,

OK?Whatever. What if I had to go to the

bathroom?Go to school. That bathroom is

so nasty. Listen. you wake up

Daddy, he's gonna punch me square in the

face. If he does that, I'm gonna punch

you in the face. And then he's gonna kill

me and wind up in jail. Now, do you want

Daddy to go to jail?No. NoAll

right, then. Even when

my mother got mad, she still made my

dad's dinner. This is on my mind.

Vegetables, potatoes, and his favorite, a

big piece of chicken.

I had to take two buses to school every

day. Was the junior high school across

the street really that bad?

Much like rock and roll, school shootings

were also invented by blacks and stolen

by the white men. My first

bus was the 26. I read the

newspaper every single day. I learned

more on the way to school than I learned

at school.

My next bus was the 44. I was the

only black person on the bus, and nobody

would sit next to me. I mean, nobody.

If you think she's mad now, wait till her

daughter brings home OJ.

My mother thought going to a white school

meant I would get a better education and

I would be safer. Wrong.

That's Joey Caruso, a little thug with a

big chip on his shoulder. You know, I

managed to avoid himbefore I wore these

shoes. Nice

shoes, Bojangles.

Bojangles?That's not what your mother

called me when I was tap dancing in her

drawers last night.

I know you think I'm crazy, but if I let

him get away with that, he'd be doing it

all year. Now, I couldn't beat him, but I

thought maybe I could out-black him.

What?Did I stutter?Do

you know who I am?You step on my shoe

again, I'm going to tell you who I am.

I don't play that. I'm from Bed-stop,

boy. I'll bring half of Marcy up in here.

I will beat your butt so bad you're going

to need crutches in your sleep. Hey, this

might work. You know what else I'm going

to do?What's your name?

Chris. I'm Doctor Raymond, your new

principal. I get off my feet.

That's funny. That's not funny.

What's your name, son?Caruso. Pick

yourself up next time you come to my

school. See

those shoes?They say something.

They say I'm a student. I want to learn.

I want more of that

and less of this.

Don't bump into me again.

Even though Caruso was messing with me,

getting embarrassed made him even madder.

Hey, you really from Bedside Do or Die?

Yeah. You ever been shot?No.

Well, at least not yet. I'm Greg.

I'm Chris. Greg Williger wasn't my first

choice for a friend, but mutual

ass-kicking seemed to bring people

together. Cool shoes. Thanks.

You know, if that was the new principal,

who's the old one?I didn't touch her!

No, no, no, what you're talking about?Ask

any... Mr. Palmer was accused of doing

something that we can't tell you about

because of the network census. The school

settled the lawsuit out of court, and

he's not allowed to teach anymore. If he

moves to your neighborhood, you'll get a

warning. Back at home,

my father should have been in bed, but

he'd rather lose sleep than money.

What are you doing?I'm paying the bills.

See, it says $40. I'm paying $40. And

that's exactly why I don't let you pay

the bills.

Where are you going?To work. Is Chris

gonna be home in town to wake me up?Can I

see in the future?What's wrong with you?

probably can see in the future.

By lunchtime, I was starving. I'm gonna

go get a hot dog. I'll get a slice of

pizza.

Give me back my bus pass. If you want it,

take it.

After school, Satchmo.

After school, I had a plan. This is

crazy. Man, it's a school fight. School

fights only last a minute, 'cause

somebody always comes and breaks them up.

All I have to do is get in the first

punch. Somebody will stop it. Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! What are you waiting

for?Cornbread.

This should be over any minute.

Come on, man. Come on. I got a schedule.

Let's go, man.

There's a kid trying to catch me. Yeah,

yeah, I know. I see you. Hey, wait, wait,

wait, wait

Ow! Ow!

Bet you don't get me tomorrow. I bet I

do. You do. I got close enough. Cut that

off, you bunch of hoots. Back off.

I was still hungry, but I was almost

home. What could go wrong now?

Daddy! Daddy!

Daddy! That girl's trying to get me

killed. Daddy! Daddy!

Girl, you want daddy to go to jail?I told

her to quit. I have to go to the

bathroom. I told you to go to school.

That bathroom is nasty.

Listen, we're going in. But once we get

in, I don't want to hear any noise. None.

Do you understand?Yes.

My father always slept in his uniform.

That way, when he woke up, he'd be ready

to go.

I pay bills. I pay the bills.

You may not think messing up a pair of

$40 shoes is such a big deal, but you

have to realize that my father's car only

cost $65. I had to get those shoes

clean.

For the first time that day, things were

going all right.

All I had to do now was keep everybody

quiet till five o'clock.

Dad?Dad.

Time to get up. It's

5 o'clock?Yep.

59. No. No

What job am I going to?You're driving a

truck?

Hello?Hey, hey, baby. It's Mommy. Is

your father out?Yep. Good, good, goodTake

his plate out of the refrigerator and put

it in the oven for him. What, Blake?The

one with the big piece of chicken.

Haven't I told you, do not eat the

big piece of chicken. Well, I was still

hungry. My mother wasn't really mad at

me. She was looking out for my father.

You see how big he is?She didn't want him

to go to work hungry, 'cause if he goes

to work hungry, then he'll be grouchy.

And if he's grouchy, he might call his

boss cracker. And if he calls his boss

cracker, then we're living in the

projects again. But do not eat

the biggest piece of chicken.

Do you understand?

Well, at least you didn't mess up your

school shoes.

Well, come over here and give me some

sugar.

Come on. I'm gonna go to bed.

Rachelle. What?

Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to

do, but I'm working hard trying to pay

for this place. You know that?Just

because you make money doesn't mean you

know how to spend it. You got to know how

to work the system. What system?The

debt system. I run this house like they

run the country on a deficit. Rent is

doing the burn. I don't pay till the 9th

because you don't get your check till the

7th. If you pay the light bill now, I

won't have money for the groceries, the

rent will be late, and then you'll have

to work overtime. You want to work

overtime again, Julius?No, I don't think

so. If we don't owe people money, we

won't have any money at all.

Ohh Why didn't you just say that then?

Because you didn't ask.

Baby. Don't, baby.

Come here. I'm sorry.

Okay?Who

told you to open the mail anyway?

Come here, Pookie. You know, last time

you said Pookie, I got pregnant. You

always my Pookie. No Pookie. Mmm. Okay, a

little bit of Pookie. I love you. I

love you too, baby.

My dad always checked on us in between

jobs. His night job and his late at night

job. Dad?

Hey, man. I thought you were asleep.

I'm sorry you ate the big piece of

chicken. That was 89 cent worth of

chicken. What, you didn't get enough to

eat at school?I was still hungry. Nah,

I'm still hungry. Look,

next time, eat a little something extra

at breakfast, okay?Okay

Yeah. But don't go pulling this money

out. Somebody try to rob you.

Don't tell your mother about this.

Everything okay at school?I didn't tell

him about the fight. My dad went to

school during the civil rights era. After

hoses, tanks, and the dog bites on your

ass, somehow Joey Caruso didn't compare.

Yeah, it was all right.

Good. I'll see you in the morning. My

father wasn't the type to say, I love

you. He was one of four fathers on the

block. I'll see you in the morning meant

he was coming home. Coming home was his

way of saying, I love you. Unplug

that clock, boy. You can't tell time when

you sleep. It's two cents an hour.

What the hell happened to my town?