Original subtitles

Aw man!

I was totally gonna score with that chick until you butted in.

That's what ya get for skirt-chasing!

I'm gonna tell Lum all about this!

Hey! Pardon me, boyo!

Wanna buy one? They're cheap!

C'mere! Take a closer look!

Whatcha selling, mister?

Wow! Dig those earmuffs.

Yeah! And you can buy one for just 150 yen!

150 Yen

A Piece

That's a good deal.

You're darn tootin'!

I was too broke to afford a pair this past winter.

But I would've loved to have some.

How lucky! Now's your chance!

I dunno, we're talking about 150 yen...

C'mon, what's the problem?

That's practically chump change!

Hold up. Are you kidding?

I mean, 150 yen could buy a hamburger or...

Good idea! I want a hamburger.

I'm gonna go buy one.

Bye.

W-w-w-wait a second!

What now?

You make a point! So, here's the deal...

I'll sell you two pairs for just 200 yen, so that you can give one to your little friend!

I can't go any lower than that!

Okay, deal!

Oh, you're going for it?

Here. 200 yen.

Th-thanks...

He called it a good deal, but then haggled over the price.

Talk about a ballsy move.

I'm the haggling master!

Gosh, this is unbelievable.

Never thought ya'd be generous enough to buy me something.

As if! You better fork over 100 yen later.

What the heck?! Yer the one who bought them!

Then just forget it, I don't want 'em!

Don't be stupid, rugrat.

These earmuffs are all the rage right now!

Oh?

It's nice and warm outside!

I don't see anybody wearing them!

Well, here's the thing...

Look closely. Didn't you notice the lack of couples around?

You gotta wear these if you wanna be popular with the ladies.

Really?

SWOOP!

Yep! It's totally true!

Go for it. Try them on.

Are you sure the ladies like these?

Oh, come on, when have I ever...

FWIP!

...lied to you?

Every other word ya say is a lie!

Why am I over there...?

Hold up, who the heck are you?!

Huh? I'm Ataru!

Who're you?

I'm Ten, duh!

WE SWAPPED BODIES?!

Eerie Earmuffs

Yahoo! I switched bodies with the rugrat!

Now I can fly!

Hey! Wait a darn minute, Ataru!

Where are ya going with my body?!

Do you even need to ask?

I'm gonna use this chance to go cuddle with some hot babes!

Y-ya stupid jerk!

Yer not gonna freak out about this, or even try to swap back to normal?!

It's too late to change what's already happened.

Get back here!

WHAMO!

Aw jeez!

Be careful! Don't you dare break my body!

Hi there, Ten!

Aw crap, it's Lum!

Gotta run!

WIGGLE

WIGGLE

What's the matter, little guy?

Wait a second.

I'm in Ten's body right now.

How awful! Your darling has fallen on the ground over there!

Oh no! That can't be good!

Darliiiiiiing!

Target sighted!

Hi there, pretty ladies!

How you doin'?

Aw! He's so precious!

Come here, little guy!

SQUEEEE!

Such a cutie-patootie!

This must be what heaven is like!

Darling! Hang in there!

Darling!

Oh, hey cousin.

Huh? "Cousin"?

Crud! This is a disaster!

Hey, Lum! Have ya seen that dimwit Ataru anywhere?!

D... Darling...?

Oh no! You hit your head and scrambled your brains!

No, that's not it! Oh no! You hit your head and scrambled your brains!

You gotta listen, Lum!

Wearing these earmuffs turned me into yer darling,

and then yer darling into me!

You really have lost your mind!

No, just hear me out! You really have lost your mind!

Oh wow! You can fly?

That's amazing!

Shucks! He's just like a baby doll.

Let me hold him next!

Oh man, I'm in paradise!

Hey! Give me my body back, darn it!

Uh oh. Here comes trouble.

Bye-bye, pretty ladies!

Aw, don't go! Come back!

That stupid jerk!

Please, Lum! Ya gotta catch him!

Eek! Help, Lum!

Stop him! Or he's gonna bully me!

Argh, that fathead!

GRAB!

What's the big idea, Lum?!

Just calm down, darling!

No fair! Why are ya trusting him more than me?!

Doing all of the sowing but none of the reaping is a sweet deal. Don't be mean, he's just a child!

Doing all of the sowing but none of the reaping is a sweet deal. Ya don't get it! That's not me!

Ya don't get it! That's not me!

I wouldn't mind burying myself in those chesticles!

Oh, Miss Sakura!

Ten.

Wahoo!

ZOOOOM!

SHUDDER

SMACK!

Wh-why the hell...?

No! Poor Ten!

Lum.

How could you be so rough with such a little kid?!

Oh, sorry.

Something about him seemed malicious and I just reacted on instinct...

Her sixth sense is powerful.

Are you okay, little Ten?

It's over. I'm gonna die.

No, you can't!

At the very least, I want to die...

while nuzzled in your chest.

WHACK!

Don't pretend like yer gonna die!

Hey!

You've gone too far, darling!

ZAP

Come on! Perk up!

Aw yeah, this is the best.

SHUDDER

Watch where you put those hands.

Sensitive much?

Where did you go and learn a word like that?!

Don't cry!

You're abusing him again!

It's not like that!

Wah! Big mean jerk!

Man, kids have it so good.

Sakura! Don't pamper that stupid creep!

He's only pretending to be me!

That's not me! I'm in his body!

He's just acting to make ya think it's me!

I'm the good little boy!

What is he talking about?

Something is wrong with him today.

Don't ya feel like something strange is going on?!

I mean, that's not how Ten usually acts!

BADUMP

STAAAARE

That's not fair.

Cuz I learned all of this from him!

He's the one who told me that Sakura would enjoy this!

Th-that's a load of crap!

SLAP!

You WOULD do something like that!

ZAP

Stop filling Ten's head with your stupid crap, darn it!

Feels bad seeing my body get messed up.

But it's fine.

I'm just gonna indulge in pleasure while I can.

Don't listen to a word this fool says.

Or you'll never become a proper adult.

Okay! I promise to stick to being a kid from now on!

Ya know, I'm feeling pretty hungry...

so, can I suck on your boobies, Miss Sakura?

TREMBLE

Mmm, I'm hungwy!

Nope! I can't do this anymore!

Hold on!

That's totally something a hungry toddler would go for!

Hey! Don't ruin my wholesome image!

Lemme suck on them boobies!

No way in hell!

Babies sucking on boobs is natural!

Let go!

Why hello, Sakura!

Look at what I just bought!

I'm kind of in the middle of something here!

Dammit, Darling! You've turned Ten into a monster!

N-no! Dammit, Darling! You've turned Ten into a monster!

SCRATCH

Just give up!

YAAAAANK

Let me go!

Well, that's mean.

These darn young'uns don't have any room for me in their antics.

FWIP!

What?!

You only managed to sell 3 of them?!

Yeah... nobody seemed interested.

All that sweating under my disguise for nothing.

That's weird.

I heard that body swappers made in this shape were a popular style on Earth right now.

SALES GOAL:

470 UNITS

Earthlings are hard to figure out.

My god, Sakura! Why are you laying there looking like a tramp?!

Don't give me that! It's all your fault!

No, Sakura! That's not me!

Ow...

Huh?

Oh phooey, I'm back to normal.

Darling...

YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE, MISTER!

Why did I have to switch back now?!

What happened to your sense of decency, missy?!

I could ask YOU the same!

Yer all just confused!

Ataru! Wake up!

Do you have any idea what time it is?!

Huh?

After all that big talk about how you didn't need Lum to wake you up!

You've been late to school every day this week, darn it!

Christ! Don't you feel ashamed at all?!

Eat. Hurry up, get going!

Here's your lunch.

Well, I'm off.

He's such a handful.

That little idiot!

I swear he doesn't have any of my genes!

Family Tree

Crud! This is bad!

I'm not gonna make it!

Your late streak is about to stretch on to a fifth day.

You're just helpless without me, aren't you, darling?

It's better than being electrified every morning!

Besides, it looks you're just as late as I am!

Well, I happen to know a shortcut.

Oh really?

What's the deal?

Is there a secret passage in this vacant lot or something?

Okay. This pipe should work!

Huh?

I'm gonna make a secret passage right now!

Seriously?!

Yep!

This gizmo can connect two different spaces.

Hold up! Are you sure this is safe?

It'll probably be fine.

That doesn't inspire confidence!

Hey! Don't ditch me when I'm doing you a favor!

Oh shaddup! I know we're just gonna end up lost in the fourth dimension!

C'mon!

Leggo of me!

Go on! Just take a look inside!

Whoa...

That's the school!

See? Let's go!

Take a look, darling!

Wow! We made it!

And with 5 minutes left until class!

It all worked out!

You go ahead, darling.

I have to close the passage first.

Okay! Don't take too long!

Whew, safe!

Huh?

Where's the King of Lateness? Is Ataru late again?!

Yep. Setting a new record as we speak.

And Lum hasn't shown up, either.

That asshat!

Now he's even dragging Lum down with him!

This is weird.

Why is the school so empty?

Jeez, our class is the only one making a ton of noise.

Class 2-4

Cleanliness Week

Sup, y'all!

Beer

Huh?!

Hey, check it out.

What's wrong, kiddo?

Why'd you come to school on a Sunday afternoon?

Sunday afternoon?!

Whoa, look! This kid is a dead ringer for Ataru!

Yeah, you're right!

The spitting image!

Just imagine if Ataru actually had a kid like this!

Oh, quit it.

Wh-what are you people talking about?

Actually,

I wouldn't be surprised if he did.

Huh? This guy looks an awful lot like Kosuke...

But man, seeing you makes me feel like I've traveled back 10 years ago.

A lot can happen in 10 years, huh?

I mean, just think about Mr. Onsen...

The pitiful soul.

Don't act like I'm dead!

I'm still alive and kicking!

Mr. Onsen?!

We're just joking around, teach!

Ugh. I can't make sense of any of this.

Class 2-4

Reunion Party

Huh?!

You boys haven't changed at all these past 10 years.

Friggin' Lum.

This is her fault!

Where's he going?

Man, that kid really is just like Ataru.

Oh hey! We should get Ataru's wife to take a look at him!

Stop it. No more pranks.

Actually, that would be pretty funny.

Mrs. Moroboshi! Come over here!

She went outside a couple minutes ago.

Said her son was missing.

Dear me.

Oh crap!

We traveled 10 years into the future!

Stupid Lum and her stupid shortcut!

LUM! GET OUT HERE!

I'm starving. Didn't have enough for breakfast.

Oh, hell no!

Zashiki-warashi!

Hey!

Ya damn porkster!

Aw jeez! Don't cry over food!

Mommy...

Ugh, there goes my lunch.

Darling! Don't get so upset over food.

Lum!

Why would you take the side of some snot-nosed brat over me?!

He's adorable!

I'm not seeing it.

He's got the face of a dumbass totally devoid of intelligence!

Hey! You little perv!

He's just a harmless kid.

As if!

Can't you see the horny glint that's in his eyes?!

Don't be ridiculous.

He's the mirror image of you, darling.

What is that supposed to mean?!

Class 2-4

Reunion Party

Oh, Mrs. Moroboshi.

Have any of you seen my son come back in here?

I'm afraid not.

That little scamp.

I wonder if he went outside.

Do you want us to help out?

No, thanks. I'll just keep looking.

Okay...

She has it pretty rough, huh?

Her son basically inherited all of his father's genes.

Oh, yikes.

Man, this royally sucks! Why hasn't that jerk Ataru shown up yet?!

It was his stupid mistake that caused all the reservations to fall through.

And now we're stuck having our reunion in this lame-ass classroom!

Oh, hey. Where's Mendo?

Too busy traveling around the world to come, apparently.

He was bragging all about it on the phone.

I haven't seen Ryunosuke, either.

Get this. She's too busy helping her dad with his crazy plan

of opening a new seaside café on the summit of Mt. Fuji!

The summit of Mt. Fuji?!

Sounds more like a "mountainside" café than a "seaside" one!

You can say that again!

Oh, Kokeru!

My little Kokeru!

Goddammit!

Sato Deserts Shop

Why do I gotta pay for some brat I don't even know?

Oh, please. One ice cream cone can't hurt.

You dummy. It's more expensive than you think.

Thanks to 10 years of inflation.

Oh, right! This is 10 years in the future, by the way!

So, it's all YOUR fault that I ended up late to school, lost my lunch, and-

You little turd!

There's no reason to get so upset!

I still have more of those gizmos to get us back home.

Friggin' hell.

What kind of parents birthed this goblin?

Wanna go home.

Huh?

Where is your house?

Dunno.

Someone must've brought him along to the class reunion.

Who are your mommy and daddy?

Aw jeez. You don't even know your parent's names?

Well, you gotta at least know your own name.

Go on. Tell us.

Okay!

Kokeru Moroboshi!

M-Moroboshi?!

Kokeru?!

Is this your son, darling?!

I refuse to believe it! But he does look exactly how I did as a kid!

Oh no! Where are they?!

He has no horns!

That means...

I'm not his mom...

Waaah! He's not my son!

Whoa. If he's not Lum's kid...

then who did I have him with?

We need to get you back to your mom!

Does this mean... I don't get married to my darling...?

Hey! Where are you, little guy?

Kokeru!

Uh oh. This has turned into a huge deal.

I gotta be careful, or they'll think I'm a kidnapper or something.

What was that?

Sounded like someone yelling.

Not good!

Go on, git!

Hey! That's him!

We found Kokeru!

Mommy!

Who is it? Which one is my wife?!

Goodness me.

We've been looking all over for you.

Huh...?

What a relief.

No way.

Darling...

Lum.

Let's go home.

You silly-billy! I'm not your mom.

Mommy's over here.

You must be glad, huh, Shinobu?

Good grief.

You can't even keep the faces of your parents straight, can you?

Mommy!

I swear, you take after your dad in all the worst ways.

Ataru! Where have you been all day, mister?!

You're way too old to be peeing your pants!

That wasn't me, dammit!

Don't lie! I know what you're capable of!

Besides, ever since you were a kid you've-

DON'T BRING UP MY CHILDHOOD!

I'M SICK OF IT!

All you do is cause trouble and give me sass, honestly...

Is that my future? Is it too late to change?

There has to be some kind of mistake.

I don't believe that's going to be our future.

Uh no!

I'm late! I'm late!

Open the Door – Part 1

On the next episode of Urusei Yatsura!

I could use some food...

Now that's my kind of guy!