Original subtitles

Hey, Pim, how close are we?

We're-- We're like in the middle of nowhere.

It's just a little further, Charlie.

Look, man, I ditched a freaking

awesome party to come do this with you, okay?

So, this better not be some lame thing with a bunch of squares.

Trust me, Charlie, it's gonna be really fun.

These guys are the DEFINITION of party animals.

Here we are, Charlie.

Meet Bill,

Fillmore

and Duncan.

Pim, what is this?

The UFO hunting group.

You said last week you were super into UFOs, right?

I've never said anything like that in my entire life.

Oh, maybe that was Glep.

Salutations, Pim.

Who's the newbie?

Hello, Bill.

This is Charlie, my best friend.

Yes, yes, nice to meet you, Charlie.

Any-- any friend of Pim's is a friend of ours, yes.

So, you guys just sit around

and wait for an alien to show up?

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

No, no, what we do is much more exciting than that.

Let the epic search begin.

THERE!

Oh, wait, sorry.

That was just a satellite from earlier.

So have any of you guys ever actually seen a UFO?

- UAP. - OF COURSE WE HAVE!

In 2013, we may possibly, definitely, have spotted

a cigar-shaped craft descend and ascend

at incredible velocity.

Turned out to be a bird, but still pretty cool.

Why would an alien care about us?

I believe they're here for peaceful reasons, yes,

and they want us to love each other, yes.

NONSENSE!

They're DEMONS from another dimension!

And the only reason we don't see them that often

is because they cannot get

through the DAMNED glass dome

protecting the Flat Earth.

Do you actually believe that,

or -- or are you just doing a bit right now?

I don't just believe it, I KNOW it!

And they've pulled the wool over your eyes, haven't they?

I can tell, I could tell when you walked over here.

All right, okay, then how do you explain timezones, dude?

Ha! How much did those NASA

lying-tists pay you to say that, eh?

AH!

What do you think about the aliens, Duncan?

Oh, gosh, I think Duncan ate too many animal cookies.

Yeah, riveting stuff, ah,

I--I'm gonna get an Uber now.

Wait, Bill, don't you have that experimental

alien beacon device you were talking about?

Yes, yes, I do-- I do have it on my persons,

but it could be very unstable if not used correctly.

Everyone stand back.

That's a theremin, dude.

What?

Yeah, no, my uncle used to have one of these

when he was in his band, The Red Gapers.

Oh, I didn't know it could do that.

Oh my God! IT'S REAL!

I was just fucking around before!

Oh my god, it's a real UFO!

- Ahh... - Ahh...

- Pim, wake up.

Bill, hey, Bill.

Oh my God!

Dude, this has to be a dream.

This has to be some kind of nightmare.

I can't hear anything.

I think they're gone.

Wow, not only were we abducted by aliens,

but I think the aliens that

abducted us were also abducted,

and now we're inside their ship,

and they're flying out of our galaxy.

Yeah, no frickin' dip.

I-- I could've told you that.

Our father, who art in heaven,

hallowed by thy name. Thy kingdom come,

Yo, either of you guys got a lighter?

- Uh, no. - No, sir.

Nah, no one out there has a lighter.

Sorry, man.

Should we invite Kelsey?

No, fuck no, dude.

Last time she was here, she went psycho

and stole my adderall and my vape pen.

Fuck no.

Um, hello?

Sup?

Wait, who invited you guys?

Uh, Gl... Zo...

Uh, Z - zih... zimb...

- Xenore? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Xenore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. -That's him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Xenore, yeah.

Oh, sweet, yeah.

Well, he's not here yet, but come on in.

The party's just getting started.

We were just about to go to the Zeta Reticuli System

to fuck around.

You guys up for some Saturday night shenanigans?

As fun as that sounds, and it does sound

really fun and everything, you know,

Xenore was actually the whole reason we came here,

so if he's not here, we'll probably just go home,

if that's okay.

What?

You guys aren't squares, are you?

Uh, no, no, no, we're, we're cool.

We're, yeah, we're, yeah.

Yeah, I guess we can hang out for a bit.

It's Saturday after all.

All right.

LET'S PARTY!

Oh, I think it's starting to wear off.

All right, well, yeah.

Hey, you know, we did all the stuff

you asked to prove we're cool?

Well, we are cool, you know.

In fact, Pim injected that black goo into his arm,

you didn't even ask him to do that, and he did it.

But I think, -- I think we're pretty beat, right?

I mean, I think it's probably about time

we get taken back home, right, Pim?

Yep, yep, that's right.

You said it, Charlie.

- Ah, we'll just be on our way then. - Wait, chill, chill.

We're not done yet.

We saved the best for last.

If you guys really aren't squares,

you'll have no problem vaporizing this planet.

It's gonna be so fucking funny.

Is-- is there life on that planet?

Ah, yeah, it's only one of the oldest

and most populated civilizations in the galaxy.

That's kinda what makes the prank funny, dude.

Come on, if you guys do this last thing,

we'll take you home right after.

Like immediately, we'll turn the ship around

and take you guys back.

- Oh yeah, yeah. - Sure, yeah.

- We will, right? - Of course.

I can't do it.

I'm sorry, I'd rather be stuck on this ship

for the rest of my life than commit such a horrible

atrocity against so many innocent beings.

I don't think you understand.

If you don't do this,

you're gonna spend the rest of your life inside this.

We threw some nerds in this Zeep torture device yesterday

because they didn't wanna put a CD holder up their ass.

Every second feels like a thousand years to them.

So are you guys cool or not?

Charlie, I can't go into that thing.

- That's hell. - Yeah, no, it's-- its okay, Pim.

Look, we'll just --

we'll just destroy the planet, kill everybody,

and then never talk about this again.

All right, we did it.

Oh God!

Oh, I can't believe it, that's so great.

Dude, you guys are total psychopaths.

Nobody was on that planet.

It was completely empty.

What?

And there's no such thing as a Zeep torture device.

That's like Black Mirror shit, dude.

This is an LED I got off of Alibaba.

Hahaha, Alibaba.

All right, can you please just take us home now?

This ship only goes one way.

We can't even go backwards.

Yeah, we were never able to take you guys back home.

You know what, you know you guys are losers, right.

Oh yeah, you party at pull pranks.

You guys aren't cool. You're-- you're childish.

- You're childish. - Childish, oh, fuck you, man!

- Fuck off. - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We don't need to-- We don't need to talk like this.

- Can we just calm down. - No, no, Pim, I'm not done,

- I'm not done. - Charlie, Charlie,

- There's no point. - No, we don't know a Xenore.

- We made him up, we lied. - Oh, oh, oh, no, you lied.

- Yeah, yeah. - Fuck, no!

- Oh no, you didn't. - You lied about Xenore.

I'm over you big guy, what are you gonna do come on.

- Come on... - Calm down, Charlie. Calm down.

HIT ME! HIT ME! HIT ME IN THE FACE I DARE YOU!

Come on, lets do this! Fuck you.

- I am DONE! - Let's just talk like adults!

Who do you think you are talking to us like that.

You are being detained for destruction of

public property and disturbing the peace.

Do not exit your vehicle and remain calm.

Holy shit, it's the cops.

What the cops? Oh my God.

- We gotta bail. - Bail everyone, let's get out of here!

Over there, come on! To my space car!

- You have a space car? - I have a space car.

Charlie, look,

the first aliens that abducted us are still alive.

Pim, I've known you for seven years

and I never thought I'd say this to you, but,

I'm gonna go ahead and fly that alien saucer.

Charlie, I support you 100 percent.

Well, Pim, I guess you were right.

Aliens exist and I hate their guts.

I hate aliens, hey, sue me.

Yeah, I -- I kind of imagined that they'd be a bit more,

benevolent?

But yeah, hey, at least you got

that Saturday night party you wanted.

So true, Pim, so true, but you know what, man?

Like, I feel like I'm probably getting a little bit too old

for this party stuff anyways.

And besides, can you really top an alien party?

- You know what I mean? - I know what you mean.

- Can you top an alien party? - I hear you, Charlie,

- I know what you mean. - I don't think you can.

- I don't think you can. - I don't think you can.

I don't think you can.

Hey, by the way, when we were like, running out

did you see that alien Tony Hawk game that they were playing?

Yeah, I did see that, actually.

It looked pretty fun.

You don't think I'd be able to like, get that on Earth anywhere

do you, like, buy that somewhere?

- Ummm... like the alien game? - Torrent it?

Yeah, torrent it... like, yeah, the alien game?

I think it'd be pretty hard, only,

only because it is an alien game.

I think it, yeah, I don't think so.

Yeah, I-- I was just wondering, it's stupid, even to ask.

Oh, I think we're approaching Earth.

Cool, I've always wanted to see it from space.

Wait, what?

Wh-- What am I looking at?

What is that?

Charlie, that-- that's not Earth, right?

Pim, that's completely flat.

That's 100-- That's 100 percent flat, dude.

I know, that's what I'm saying that can't be real, right?

- That's not-- - We're looking at it, dude.

The Earth i-- is flat...

The Earth, oh, I'm just looking, I don't know.

The Earth is flat.

Charlie, the Earth can't actually be flat, right?

There's the glass dome, dude, dude, oh my God, dude.

Oh my--

This can't be real.

- I need to sit down. - This can't--

Pim, we -- we need to take this to the grave.

We cannot tell anybody, this changes literally every,

this changes everything.

No-- I-- I know-- I can--, we can never tell anyone.

I might actually puke, get back a little.

Im gonna puke, stay back.

Oh my, I'm gonna throw up.

Okay, I'm gonna throw up.

The Earth is flat, Charlie.

I know.

No, you've got the wrong people.

We didn't kill our friends.

The UFO took them.

IT WAS THE UFO!

Yeah, whatever you say, buddy.