Original subtitles

X-timestamp-map=local:00:00:00.000,mpegts:9000

[ thunder crashing ]

[ drilling, sawing ]

[ electricity crackling ]

>> it's alive!

[ laughs maniacally ]

>> now, this is pod racing!

You'll never get me again,

Butthole!

Slave boy no more!

>> eat your [bleep] Salad.

>> look! We finally made it!

>> the legendary pyraminxes!

They must be full of treasure!

[ all scream ]

>> penis puzzle!

You better keep your mouth off

It, reynaldo!

>> it's a snake, you jackass!

>> rubik the amazing cube can

Help us/annoy us with his cutesy

'80s-cartoon voice!

>> give me that!

Boys have better spatial

Reasoning than girls!

>> I'd be angry at that sexist

Comment if it wasn't a proven

Scientific fact backed up by

Years of academic research!

>> and done!

>> rubik, here to help!

>> ugh, that voice is like

Getting anal sexed in the ear

Canal!

>> but first, rubik been dying

To ask -- why did you turn rubik

Back into lifeless puzzle last

Time?

>> oh, uh...We had to get you

Through customs.

>> that was three days ago!

Do you know where rubik's spirit

Goes when you jumble rubik's

Colors?

A dark, cold neverland of

Hopelessness --

>> damn it, rubik!

What do you want, an apology

Blowjob?

Do something!

>> rubik, here to help!

[ laser fire ]

>> [ screams ]

>> oh, no! No!

[ dog barking ]

Ohh, my anus!

>> do it, rubik. End his pain!

>> rubik, here to help!

>> oh, reynaldo!

>> he's in a better place.

A place without is-thay

[bleep] Licker-cay.

>> look out!

>> whoa!

>> I don't know which way to

Run!

I have no spatial reasoning!

>> rubik, here to help.

>> aah! My seeing parts!

>> whoa!

>> r-rubik? Rubik?

Oh, there you are.

I'll bring you back, rubik.

Friendless nerd kids solve you

Blindfolded all the time.

I've seen it on youtube when I

Get bored of skateboard

Accidents.

>> [ whistling ]

>> hey!

>> what?

Oh, is this not cool?

I-I thought it was cool.

I-I'm sor-- I-I thought it was

Cool.

[ rustling ]

Is this better?

Are we cool now?

A-are we cool now?

[ applause ]

[ soft clapping ]

[ applause ]

[ siren wails ]

[ tires screech ]

[ vehicle doors open ]

>> [ gasping ]

You -- you all stood there and

Did nothing.

You did nothing!

[ applause ]

>> back off, psycho!

Release that beautiful soul!

>> yeah!

Sport hunting is murder, you

Sick son of a bitch!

>> hey -- hey, guys, this is

All totally legit.

I've got my permits.

>> skinned them head to toe just

For kicks.

I'll bet you feel like a real

Big shot, don't you?

Don't you?!

>> listen, guys.

This is just my vacation, okay?

I'm not looking for any trouble.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!

No, don't tou-- aah!

>> come here. There you go.

Come here. Yeah, there you go.

That guy's gone now.

>> look at him. He's filthy.

>> aww, shh, shh, shh.

We're gonna make you all better.

That's right.

>> and there you go!

Go on, boy! Go! Run and be free!

I don't understand why anyone

Would hurt such an innocent

Creature.

[ snake hisses ]

>> [ giggling ]

Are you having a good time,

Pinocchio?

>> oh, yeah.

Yeah, this is great.

>> [ moans ]

Oooh!

Oh, you should ask before you

Stick a finger in there!

>> that wasn't a finger.

This is [bleep] Terrible.

>> klingon ship approaching.

Man the phasers, mr. Sulu.

>> yes, captain.

[ electricity powers down ]

>> we've lost power!

Mr. Spock, quickly, tricoder

Reading.

>> [ trilling ]

>> uhura, scanners!

>> [ whistling ]

>> chekov, red alert, red alert!

>> rrrr-eeee! Wrrr-eeee!

>> dramatic battle music now!

[ all vocalizing dramatically ]

Scotty, monitor's down.

Give me a klingon ship now!

Sulu, phasers, now!

>> bzzshh! Bzzshh! Bzzshh!

>> should we fire torpedoes?

>> not yet.

>> pizza? Check.

La-z-boy? Check.

Entertainment?

Checkmate!

>> skating on top of this

Skyscraper's a great idea, bros!

Here comes the double kick

Flip -- whoa!

I'm falling!

>> great scott!

Everybody, relax.

He had a scare. I saved him.

He's gonna be fine.

>> whoa! It worked, bros!

I got supe'd!

>> all: [ chanting ] We got

Supe'd!

We got supe'd!

>> [ chuckles ] You got what?

What does he -- I got what?

>> hey, check it out -- my

Dad's gun.

>> great scott!

What were you guys thinking?

>> guys! I got the whole thing!

Let's put it on youtube!

>> yeah!

So epic!

>> hold on. You set me up?

>> all: [ chanting ] We got

Supe'd!

>> oh, hell, no!

Give me that camera.

>> oh, someone help!

It's gonna blow!

>> oh, come on!

I'm not happy, but I'm here.

>> quickly, superman!

There's not a moment to lose!

>> yeah!

Looks like you're gonna have to

Save me, superman!

>> really? It's up to me? Okay.

How, may I ask, did you get

Strapped to a bomb?

>> I don't know.

I think lex luger did it.

>> oh, lex luger did it?

The wrestler? He did this? Wow.

I mean, I usually fight

Lex luthor, but that guy sounds

Really bad.

>> hurry! It's ticking down!

>> oh, don't worry, I will,

'cause I really believe

You, so let me just use the old

Super muscles on this chain

And --

Uh-oh! Made of kryptonite.

>> what? No, it's not!

>> yeah, it is.

Oh, I guess I can't save you.

Oh, and that's too bad,

Considering this bomb looks so

Real and couldn't possibly be

Made of parts you found in your

Parents' garage.

>> yeah!

"The total package" is back,

Superman!

Go, lex luger!

It's your birthday!

It's your birthday!

It's your birthday!

It's your birthda--

>> rex? Here, boy.

>> [ yawns ]

[ footsteps ]

[ door opens ]

[ door closes ]

[ urinating ]

[ toilet flushing ]

[ door opens ]

[ door closes ]

[ footsteps ]

>> hey, boy, want to play fetch?

>> [ grumbles ]

>> come on, come on! One more!

You can do this, he-man!

>> can this be the end of

He-man?

Ah, rest it on your throat,

Chump.

>> aren't you supposed to be in

Spin class?

>> already spinning!

Spinning!

Spinning!

Spinning -- aah!

>> things here at the

Eternia 24-hour fitplex have

Gotten crazy ever since the

Snake mountain branch got shut

Down for black mold.

[ chuckles ]

Black mold's really bad for

Breathing.

>> oh, hey, I'll get that for

You.

[ farts ]

Oops! [ laughs ]

>> aw, come on!

>> take a picture.

It'll last longer.

>> their professions require

Them to work out constantly.

They either have to be ripped

Like gods or built like lingerie

Models -- or, for some, both.

>> [ grunting ]

This is a new personal best!

>> uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

>> [ grunting ]

>> you're such a dirty birdie.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

>> you paying attention up

There?

>> oh, yeah.

>> something's obscuring my

Vision.

>> uh-huh.

>> what the hell is that, man?

It's -- it's getting bigger.

>> yeah. Mm-hmm.

>> oh, my god!

Get your [bleep] Boner off

Of my --

[ groans ]

>> you care if I change the

Channel?

>> really? Rachael ray?

>> yeah. So what?

>> your name is evil-lyn.

I thought you'd watch something

More, you know [mockingly] Evil!

>> what do you think I watch

When I'm on the treadmill,

"Faces of death"?

>> yeah, maybe.

>> rachael ray's husband pays

Chicks to spit on him.

Allegedly.

You know, just a fun fact.

>> so, that yellow skin --

Is that a vitamin deficiency

Or...?

>> yeah. Unlike you, I'm all

Out of vitamin bitch.

>> fine! Forget it, anal-lyn.

>> greetings, girls!

>> whoa!

>> oh, my god.

>> [ farts ] Whew! Whoa!

Hot in here!

I love a good sweat, but it sure

Makes my cooter itch.

[ ratcheting ]

>> wow! It like you guys not

Trying hard at all.

>> look who's talking.

>> I only affect the "Dur" voice

To better complete the illusion

I'm you, you spray-tanned side

Of beef.

>> [ growls ] I'd kill that guy

If we weren't so evenly matched!

>> you know, maybe I could help

You with that problem.

>> this doesn't concern you,

Duncan!

Get the [bleep] Out of here!

>> ♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk

Bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk

Bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk

Bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

>> oh, come on!

Yeah, sure, oh, he's hung like

A rhino, and I get a face like a

Pirate flag.

Yeah, that's real [bleep] Fair.