Original subtitles

-Tracy!

Mummy had an accident. She's gone.

-Oh, Ruby.

-Tracy. Her name's Tracy.

-She's insistent that she's an elf.

-But she's not.

-I've been recording you, buddy.

-I saw you trying to look up my skirt.

Perv.

-I'm a bicyclist. -Wanker.

-Is that's 7,500?

-I need a lend of that money.

-I give money to Zein to give to you.

-We'll have to shift this fast. -I know what you did.

Get your show. Leave us all alone.

♪♪

♪♪

-Aren't you fasting?

-I just want milk for my Frosties at sunset.

-Yeah, well, someone keeps glugging it all

in the middle of the night.

-So, is that a dig at me?

-I was doing Ramadan yesterday.

-You fasted for, like, two hours.

-I'm doing lunch today.

-Because that's not spiritually confusing.

-Perfect parenting, Pops.

-That's nice alliteration.

You should put in one of your lovely poems.

-Aren't you supposed to give up something for lent?

-Yeah, what'd you give up? Table manners?

-Cursing.

-Please don't bring Gadda hear early.

He's so difficult when he fasts.

-He's an old man, Layla.

Gets low blood sugar when he fasts.

Makes him emotional.

-He was crying in the green soup.

-It's called molokhia.

Don't let him hear you call it green soup.

He'll have a stroke.

Well, maybe he shouldn't fast

if he's going to lose his falafel over every little thing.

-Okay. Go. Quick. Clean up. You're late.

-Okay, so see you outside school?

-Yeah. At 11:00.

We can run the monologues

on the way to the college before your audition.

-Good luck with youraudition.

"Crown of Thorns", round two. -Hey.

-Is anyone notauditioning?

-See ya. -Good luck today, Lina.

I'll be thinking of you.

[Door opens]

-[Grunts] -Are you okay?

-Yeah. Can't smile wide enough.

You got some old milk or something there.

-I had two glasses, max.

-What are you doing?

I just spent ten minutes putting your hair up.

-I didn't want to get in trouble because I'm an elf

in case my ears get pointy.

-We've talked about this, Nancy.

At home, you can act whatever way you want, okay?

But in school, act normal.

Leave your hair. Go on.

-[Sighs]

-I know you want me out of this house,

and if my audition goes well,

I'll be out of your head for good.

But before I go, can I give you some advice?

-Thanks, but I'm not sure one of your life quotes

from "Help Yourself to Happiness"

is gonna help my parenting right now.

-Funny. You've been planking me for weeks,

and you're telling her to act normal?

What does that even mean?

-Says a man who robbed her piggy bank.

You haven't a notion of what it takes to be a real parent.

She'll get expelled.

Expelled at seven.

-And what about Lina?

When are you going to stand up to her?

She's a kid, too.

You know, this family --

-My family. -It's my family too.

-No, no. My children. My family.

You're just a fucking passenger

who steals the cutlery before jumping ship.

-That's not fair. -Yes, it is.

I hate to tell you, you're not that good an actor.

-Mm.

-Get your show. Really.

I want you to get it. Then bon voyage.

And don't forget your watch. Hate you to be late.

-Can I ask you about Ramadan?

-Not even water, no.

-What?

-Well, I presume you were gonna ask about fasting.

I fast. No food or drink from dawn to sunset.

And then you'd say, "Not even water?"

And I'd say... -"Not even water."

Ah, okay. I think I get it.

Am I very predictable?

-No. It's just everyone asks the same things

over and over, every year, all the time.

-Are you allowed to go to the bathroom?

-Of course you can go to the bathroom.

-Do you get cheat days? -It's not a diet, Mark.

But I suppose if you're wearing your red badge of honor.

-Your period? That's what my mum calls it.

-I know. You've told me.

Look, nothing can pass your lips.

-Can you not brush your teeth?

-Of course you could brush your teeth.

That's hygiene. You discipline yourself.

No vaping, coffee, cake for one month.

No food or drink. No kissing or sex.

-Sex?

-Yeah. It's a real struggle for me.

Hopefully I can make it 'til sunset.

♪♪

-Cheers for dragging me to a coffee shop

in the middle of Ramadan just to tell me I'm broke.

Am I not broke? -No, you're still broke...

-[Sighs] -...but a lot less broke.

Now, when you get paid for this animation series thing,

you might just be okay.

Financially, not emotionally, obviously.

Just told your only brother to leave.

You're an idiot.

-I'm not in the mood, Cormac. I need coffee.

I've got such a headache

and I've a day of storylining ahead of me.

What are you doing?

-I have an armpit situation.

I've got chewing gum stuck in my armpit and it's very sore.

-Is it? So many questions.

Let's go with why.

-Bad luck, pal. -Okay. How?

-I'm still trying to figure that out.

I think I fell asleep like this, which I usually do,

and obviously, the chewing gum was in my mouth.

Uh, it was -- fell out of my mouth,

and it fell right here,

and then I just put my arm down in my sleep,

and rolled over, under it, and...

rolled over on it and --

-Jesus Christ. And you're in charge of my accounts?

-That's awesome. Really good, Zine.

-It's Zein. Yeah.

-Zine? -Zein. Yeah.

-Zine? -Sure. Yeah.

-Thank -- Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

I've, uh -- I've been fasting. It's -- It's Ramadan,

so excuse me if my mouth's a little dry.

-Can you not drink?

-No.

-Not even water?

-No, no. Not even water. No. [Chuckles]

-That's tough. [Chuckles]

But you're doing great.

Can we do it again?

This time,

I want you to struggle with the big lie internally.

Don't oversell it, okay?

-Sure.

-And...action.

[Cellphone chimes]

-Fuck.

-Can I give you my take on the Zein thing?

-No. Definitely not. -Okay, cool.

Look, I'm an accountant.

I see it all the time. People buy these luxury items.

They think it's going to make them happy, like Zein.

The watch, a new car, one of those high end,

five-grand sex doll things with the hair and the boobs

and the -- you know, for the...

-No. No, no, no. No, I don't know.

Sorry. Let me get this right.

You have clients who pay five grand for a sex doll

so they can summon the semen demon?

-Wank. Yeah. But what a wank, though.

The point is, it's a sugar rush of happiness.

They get one little bang, and then poof, it's gone forever.

They're still miserable. Like even that typewriter.

-That Stan Laurel's. -Piece of shit, Sammy.

-I wrote a hit series on that typewriter.

It's lucky.

-In ten years, you wrote one hit series,

and you think that's lucky?

And you're sending your only brother packing.

But you're still okay with that, pal?

Like, I'm the one with chewing gum stuck in my armpit,

and I'm still not the stupidest person at this table.

-They want to see me for Judas.

Irony is, I feel like I'm betraying Sam and the girls.

-Usually, you text me for sex, not advice.

-I shouldn't go, should I?

-Zein, parenting isn't for everyone.

-I know he's a bit uptight, but he does try.

-No, not Sam. You, you tick.

Sometimes, families are a cat and a dog

and a feckin' ma and da, you know? The norm.

And sometimes, it's three gorgeous girls

and their dad and his brother.

Sometimes, it's not.

Sometimes, it's just three girls and their dad on their own,

and maybe a cool uncle that calls over on the holidays

and gives deadly presents.

-I know I've let them down,

but do you think they're better off without me?

-No. Look, if you stay now and leave later, it's just not fair.

Think of Nancy.

Her little heart could not handle losing you down the road.

I've only just met you, and I'm heartbroken.

I know you love them and they adore you, especially Sam.

But this is your out, and I'd take it.

♪♪

♪♪

-Excuse me. I'm here for my audition.

I know I'm late, but...

-Yes.

Wait, I know you.

-I don't think so.

-Yes. You're that girl from the car.

-You implied I was

a-a sexual predator of some sort.

Your father attacked me.

I had to flee.

-No, he didn't.

-Well, isn't this a serendipitous reuniting?

And you're here for the audition?

-I'm so sorry. I...

-No. I'm sorry, because you are unpardonably late.

It's why I'm a bicyclist.

Always beat the traffic in the end.

And rules are rules.

You can apply again next year.

-Thanks.

-Bye, cyclist.

Very witty.

♪♪

-Yeah. He looked like your man in "Breaking Bad",

um, Walter White.

Yeah, the little -- the little hat

and the glasses and everything.

Yeah. No, no. I liked him. Hang on -- Hang on a sec, Nola.

-They -- They want me over for a -- for a screen test.

Some-- Someone in the cast.

I'm on the 7:45 to L.A.

I guess I'll...stay over there.

-Good. Yeah.

-Suppose I-I better get going. So...

Sam, I-I-I just wanted to say I, uh...

I left my shades in the car, so...

-It's open. -Great. Thanks.

Tell the girls I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye.

See you around.

[Door opens] -Safe flight.

[Door closes]

Hey, Nola.

Yeah. No, no, I liked him.

It's going to be a great series.

-No respect for me.

You've anything to say?

You know, we're done.

[Exhales sharply]

Your sister's right. He is a snake.

Snake!

-[Hisses]

-What was that? -Didn't say anything.

-Oh, cool.

Because I thought I heard you ticking.

Wouldn't want you to blow up all over me.

Oh, look at your little angry face.

Go on, say something.

♪♪

Go on, say something. Unless you're not allowed.

In that case, as a man, I give you permission.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Classic.

You need to cool down, little girl.

Don't want you to get all worked up like your frigid sister.

[Typewriter clacking]

[Door opens]

-Zein? [Door closes]

What? What's happened? What's wrong?

-Oh. Everything's fucking tops, Sam.

I'm cursed. You are a curse on this family.

No, this whole family is a curse on me.

I'm doomed to failure, just like you and Zein.

-Oh, sweetheart, what -- -Don't touch me.

-Okay, okay. What happened?

-[Exhales sharply] Zein didn't collect me.

I was late, and -- and the dean is the guy on the bike.

Jesus. What are the chances? Ugh.

My chances of ever getting into drama school are --

I'm fucked because of you.

-Mum would have never done this.

[Sobbing]

I'm stuck with you.

How do you not feel guilty? You're useless.

-Okay. Get in the car.

-I'm not going anywhere.

-Please, just trust me. Get in the car.

-Bad enough her name is Amin,

but Layla will never get into America

with that thing in her head.

-Layla going to America?

-No, look, I'm just saying.

At least Nancy's doing her communion,

which is important because it is part of her culture.

-So's Islam. -Yeah, I know.

I meant the culture here.

Ireland. Eire. Where we all live.

-Where's -- Where is the chicken?

-What?

I forgot the chicken. Oh, no. My God. My God. God, how? How?

-With that much food, what do you need chicken for?

You got turkey.

-No, no, no, no, no.

I have to have chicken. I'm cooking molokhia.

-Oh, the green soup?

-Stop talking nonsense. What green soup? Are you crazy?

Would you have -- Would you have Christmas dinner without potato?

No. You'd bring shame on your family.

-Well, it's Egyptian spinach soup?

-You are being offensive to my country.

What'd you say? Egyptian spinach?

It's not soup. It's molokhia. It's Egypt.

It is the fresh chicken stock.

You take it, you put the garlic and the spices,

and you dip the bread in,

and -- oh, my God, it's everything.

What am I teaching my family if there's no molokhia?

[Sobbing] -Why are you crying?

Okay, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Jesus. We'll get you your chicken.

God almighty. It's like dealing with a child.

Come on. No wonder your wife left you.

What was it? Salmonella poisoning?

-Eh?

-Sorry. We need to talk about my daughter, Lina.

-What in the name of Molly Bloom?

I'm sorry. No. She was the rudest girl.

-You don't know her. It's all a front,

the shitty attitude.

She could be a rude cow. I know that.

-This is you helping, yeah?

-The real Lina is so creative, it spills out of her like oil.

-Oh, I've heard what spills out of her.

There is absolutely no excuse for that. I am sorry.

No.

-Sam, let's go. He doesn't care.

-Nina's mum died recently.

I wished it was me.

I'm sorry it wasn't me.

But I was the same when my mum died.

It's the weight of all that grief and anger.

It buries you.

I'm her dad, and I can't do anything.

And she's a good kid.

This -- it's all she's ever wanted.

She's been robbed of so much over the last year.

Don't take this away from her too.

Please. Please.

-Just, um...

give Lina and me a moment together.

-Thank you. -Yeah, okay.

[Clears throat]

-Lina.

♪♪

-[Sighs]

♪♪

♪♪

That's fucking typical.

♪♪

-I got another date.

-That's great!

-Thanks.

I, um...

-Look, I thought about what you said.

I do feel guilty.

I don't recognize you anymore.

It's like losing your child on a busy street.

I feel this panic every time I look at you,

'cause I don't see my little girl anywhere.

You have these old eyes and this young face.

I'm so sorry.

-Baba, I'm sorry.

[Sobbing] I do love you.

I've just been so...

angry.

-Oh, sweetheart. Sweetheart.

You're not angry. You're sad.

-[Sobbing]

-It's just so much easier to be angry.

Trust me. Look at me. I know.

-I think...

I need help.

-Oh, sweetheart.

-I'm so messed up.

-We're all messed up.

♪♪

-Cormac.

-I don't like spinach, Mo.

-This is not spinach. It's molokhia.

♪♪

-That's very good.

-You know, the old Cormac would have said

that this is "Allah carte".

-Cormac! -I'm not gonna say that, okay?

I won't say that, because it's racist.

-And? -Blasphemous.

-But it is funny.

But it's more racist than it's funny.

And I'm never gonna say it again.

-Cormac.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct chatter]

♪♪

-Is this made with the tears

we had in the car park.?

-Of course. -Good.

-Satisfied?

-Mo, how long we talking?

-You wait. -Two minutes, Cormac.

Patience, patience.

-Two minutes and we can start.

-God.

[Indistinct chatter]

♪♪

-You miss Uncle Zein?

-Mm.

-Did you not get to say goodbye?

Me too.

Uncle Zein is a good daddy, isn't he?

-Yeah.

-But you're a great mommy.

-Am I? -[Giggles]

[Doorbell rings] -Huh?

-Hey, just go over there to Uncle Cormac.

♪♪

♪♪

-Thanks God.

I have been to, like, six different houses.

Hello. Remember me? It's been a while.

Zu. -Zu.

-Is Zein here?

-No. -It's kind of important.

Very.

Oh, I am going to call her Ruby.

After your dead wife. -What now?

-Can I come in? Well, I...

Zein. Fuck.

-♪ This is where we are

♪ On every street, in every house ♪

♪ In every shop in this country ♪

♪ This is where we are

♪ This is where we are

♪ On every street, in every house ♪

♪ In every shop in this country ♪

♪ This is where we are

♪ This is where we are

♪ On every street, in every house ♪

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