Original subtitles

The year of our Lord 1645. England is on its knees.

A kingdom blighted by civil war,

plague,

but most of all,

witchery.

Yet God has sent forth a breed of man to hold these wretches

to the cleansing fires of justice.

Witchfinder!

Yes, I'm the Witchfinder,

here to tell the true tale of a wretch called Elizabeth Snell.

She worshipped the devil, got down on her knees,

and used his dark powers to murder her niece.

Hang her!

Hang her!

Can't hear you!

Hang her!!

That's better!

Her windpipe gives way, the neck starts to crack.

The weight of her body fractures her back.

Her eyes start to bulge, her bowels open wide,

the last meal she had is no longer inside.

Oh, I didn't know they shat themselves.

For women like Elizabeth are easily led.

She was an only child who never wed,

and if there are no further questions...

I've got a question.

What?

I thought you said she murdered her niece.

Yes... If she was an only child, how did she even have a niece?

Oh, for God's sake.

Well, he said if anyone's got any questions...

The Witchfinder is meant for the children.

If you had any respect, you'd shut your mouth.

You know that's not Witchfinder. That is a man in a tent.

Well, don't ruin it!

Is it really a man in a tent? Oh, well done!

It's not a tent. It's a booth!

What is wrong with you?

Why not let it go?

I'm just interested. Yeah, well, you would be, wouldn't you?

And what's that supposed to mean?!

Witches!!

They've found a coven of witches!!

Hey! I've not passed the hat round!

What about the...?

Oh, hello.

# Write them on the wishing wall... #

# If you be a man of old world...fame

# Then tell me all their father's names

# Of the well below the valley

# Green grow the lilies... #

Now, that's a lovely hat.

With genuinely lovely, um...

..I want to say angles.

It's by Charles Booth of London.

Of course it is.

One can't skimp on a hat.

It's very much the, um,

shoe of the head. The, er...

..the glove of the, um...

..head again.

It's classic Booth, is what it is.

Would you mind if I took it for a stroll?

A stroll? Just four minutes. Just, er, see how she wears.

We've got five minutes. Four! Thank you!

Fuck off. I just don't see the need for this.

We are talking about a whole coven.

Four witches and a pact with the devil.

You think the magistrate's going to employ me with my old hat?!

The brim droops like a dog's tongue.

I like dogs.

I like dogs!

I just don't want their tongue slapping against my forehead.

OK, there he is. Ready?

Ready?

Yes... Yes, I'm ready, Gideon!

Oh! Little curtsy?

Goodbye.

Good Lord.

Good Lord! Magistrate!

I'm so sorry. Forgive my haste.

I will, of course, have my book-keeper reimburse you

for any crumpling to your garments.

You have a book-keeper?! I have a book-keeper, yes!

For all the work that's come in since I last saw you.

Still, good day.

Something you wanted?

Oh, no. No, no.

Just passing through.

I'm on my way to Snetterton to question a suspected witch.

Is it Snetterton...?

Constantin on the Monday for the trial,

then off to Norwich for the possessed chorister,

so yes, Snetterton. Snetterton, as a favour to the magistrate, really.

He's worried that witchery running amok will reflect badly upon him.

The last thing a magistrate needs is panic spreading around the town

like the pox.

For God's sake, Mr Bannister. Is that what this is?

Hmm? You grubbing for work?

No! Work?!

Ha-ha! I already explained.

I'm on my way to Snetterton.

Yes. Snetterton's that way.

From over there.

Honestly.

If I wanted to investigate the coven, don't you think

I'd come round and ask?

No, because you've been told to not come round and ask,

and this is your way of dangling yourself in front of me

without doing that. Popping out on some prearranged signal!

The woman has a cough!

If I needed...

Jesus wept.

If I needed a witchfinder,

there's plenty of them around.

Fine!

I don't have a book-keeper and this is...

..a borrowed hat. It's borrowed hat, yes, which I may ultimately buy.

But what I do have is knowledge,

expertise,

and, quite frankly, balls.

Two of them. Massive.

Enough to tackle the gravest cases of witchery, like your coven.

Oh, well, I've no coven for you.

But...

But I do have one thorny case

if you think you and your balls can handle it.

Oh, the three of us will be just fine, I'm sure.

What's this?

This is the victim.

It's a pig.

A pig killed by sorcery.

You should have heard him.

He said I was the town's pre-eminent witchfinder.

What, you are?! Trusted with the gravest witchery.

Decorum, decorum, decorum.

And he said there were a couple of rooms at the tavern

waiting for us - just say his name.

Mr Topcliffe.

To the landlady. Oh! Wouldn't be to me, would it?

Oh! Decorum, decorum.

Do you remember when you used to ride that little pig

in the village? Genevieve.

Vaguely. Had a heart attack, didn't she? All right, all right.

May God have mercy on her soul.

There weren't enough for you.

Oh, don't apologise, master.

Don't think I did. Oh, and, er...

Yes, Master? Oh...

Watch out for that shit. Thank you, Master.

I said I'll trim your beard. It's what you pay me for.

It's actually not what I pay you for.

Last time you did it, you gave it corners.

It's Hebble! Come away from the window!

Oh, let him see.

Your beard's looking full.

At least he can grow one!

Great to see you, Mr Hebble.

You here to lobby for this coven job?

There is no coven job. Yours was a wasted journey.

Then why take a room?

Oh, nothing much.

Just being offered another job.

I'm delighted for you. What is it this time?

Someone else cursed with eczema?

A goat that cries like a baby?

Remember that fruit picker who had a demon in his hedge?

There wasn't a demon in his hedge.

You'd know. You interrogated it. To rule it out.

How's my work going?

I don't remember asking you that. Good question.

Which I didn't ask.

Fucking well. You probably heard about the three witches I convicted

near Mattishall for destroying a village in a mudslide.

I've been awarded the freedom of Girton.

Oh, the freedom of Girton! Wow-ee! What does that entail?

Is there a fenced-off bit that the rest of us aren't allowed into? No.

So identical to NOT having the freedom of Girton then.

You must be thrilled.

Is there something else.

No.

Do feel free to go!

I will.

And yet you haven't.

Just enjoying the town.

Toss pot.

Yes! The baying mob. Oh, lovely.

What is baying?

Um... It's just something mobs do.

Egg.

Right.

We pray for protection against the wickedness and sins

of the devil. May God rebuke him.

We pray for protection against the wickedness and sins...

Yup.

Thank you.

It's like that, is it?

I see women like you...

..all the time.

Hard, impenetrable,

revealing none of what's inside.

But then I set to work and all of a sudden...

Oh, look. She's broken.

And it all comes out.

I fucking told you!

Oh, I see.

I'm so sorry.

I thought you were...

I thought she was...

I've done nothing! Silence!

Do you have to be that close? Your dick is in my armpit.

My dick is not in her armpit. Some of it is.

It's not love, I wouldn't. Careful! Don't goad the witch!

I'm not a witch!

Tell that to my pig! I never wanted him to die.

And how are you planning on getting the pork out? Shit bacon, does he?

You have the devil in you, lady!

Contrary, idle...

And why does she live alone?!

What sort of woman remains unmarried?

Lots of women are unmarried. Your sister's unmarried!

She's not unmarried the way you're unmarried.

There's something not right about the way you're unmarried.

I agree, actually... Oh, fuck off, Anne.

I swear to God, I will hit you...

Put the jug down.

No-one leaves this room without my express permission.

Old Myers will now bag the suspect's possessions as evidence while I...

Sorry, who are you? I'm the witchfinder.

Oh, finally! You know, they said a witchfinder was coming

and I thought, "Do you know what? Good.

"Someone with half a brain to sort this out."

I said, "As long as he knows what he's going on about, then that's great."

As long as I... ..know what you're going on about, then that's great.

I do know what I'm going on about. Then that's great.

My name is Gideon Bannister.

Some of you may have heard the name.

That's a no. My job is to determine whether the suspect,

one, Thomasine Gooch,

has pledged herself to the devil.

Because let me tell you, I see women like you all the time.

Hard.

Impenetrable...

Another egg? No, cheers.

But then I set to work... Another egg?

So that's your egg on the floor?

Well, regardless of that, I'm... Never mind regardless,

you just dropped egg on my floor.

Can we please get back to talking about

the maleficium that you're accused of?

I think we should, yeah. Yeah, I think we should, too, yeah.

After you've picked up that egg.

Myers, clear it up. She didn't drop the egg.

Look, you have two options here.

The first is you just admit to the crime and we move on...

Look, I want to work with you, you want to work with me...

The one that we don't want to do really, if we can avoid it...

..pick up the egg. ..would be to start stalling

so that I have to use more and more imaginative means

trying to squeeze the confession out of you. ..I want to work with you.

Do you see that? So which course do you want to take?

Which course? I can see it there.

Now... Some there. OK.

Right, now,

you can see, if you ask around,

there really is nothing to it. Yes, well, there's not nothing to it,

is there? Her pig's dead.

It was like 100.

And then we have your ungodly behaviour,

your repellent character.

I like a drink. Yes, and this is before we even discuss

Brown Peter... My chicken.

Your imp!

Witnesses saw a demon in animal form

approaching your dwelling to suckle at your teat!

Be gone foul creature! In Christ's name be gone!

It's a chicken.

Oh! Myers?

"The beast strode to the door with a purposeful gait."

That's how they walk. They don't stroll around whistling.

Then one wonders how this whole thing has arisen.

Know what you could do instead of wondering? Ask something.

Yeah, you'd love that, wouldn't you?

Always twisting and pulling at things with unnecessary questions.

It's a necessary question.

Do I have a plough behind me?

Are you done with that chicken?

Do I have a lump?

I thought witchfinders were meant to ask questions.

You're just saying stuff.

That witchfinder looking into the coven, he asked loads of questions.

Well, for your information, there is no coven.

For your information, there is a coven.

I thought there was, yeah.

Then why would your magistrate

specifically tell me there is no coven?

Well, maybe he didn't want to give you the work

because he didn't want to give you anything serious.

Fucking hell.

Is it not true...

..that you did enter into a pact with these women

to do the devil's bidding?!

The devil!

That you convened a sabbot

and together put a pox upon the fairest children?

God rest their souls.

It is clear to me that you have allowed the...

You look like the cat who's watching the other cat get the cream.

A real sour puss.

Fuck off.

Excuse me.

..and who sealed this pact...

Did you not lie with Satan...

..Connolly?

Did you not lie with Satan Connolly?!

Simple question, love.

Did you fuck the devil?

I did.

I did!

Two words that are truly damning.

Two words that point to one word.

Witch!

Oh! He's good, isn't he?

Yeah, fantastic. He's good!

You know, different from you. Different.

He is different. Not better, not better, just different.

You wouldn't want this case, though, would you?

Three dead kids.

I would bloody love three dead kids!

I'd love three dead kids.

Some proper witchcraft!

Rather than this "he said, she said" domestic quarrels,

while all the best work goes to this bellowing ape.

I like apes.

I like apes!

I just don't like them nicking my bloody work. Mm.

Topcliffe.

Excuse me.

You said there was no coven.

Those were your exact words.

No, no. My exact words were...

"There's no coven for you".

That's cute.

Come on. Everyone has their level.

Look, if you think I'm going to ask John Stern,

one of the most respected witchfinders in the country,

who happens to be passing through town

and offers us his assistance... John Stern?

That man was John Stern?!

But he's the right hand man to Matthew Hopkins,

the Witchfinder General.

Is there something you wanted?

Me? Yes.

No, no. Just thinking about the Witchfinder General.

And because they were twins, you couldn't tell which was which!

There you go, boys.

Yeah, another bowl of cherries for the table.

You've not paid for these yet.

Paid?! This is John Stern.

Is that supposed to mean something to me?

Well, let's see.

Does your daughter mean anything to you?

What?

Your daughter. The one who sneaks off every night

to fetch off the devil? My daughter?

Fetching of the devil?

Who's saying that...? Well, I did and you just have,

so that's two already.

I only said it... See how quickly these things catch fire?

That's how quickly your daughter's hair will catch fire

when I have her burned as a witch.

I'll get your cherries.

I hate having to do that, but it's just quicker.

Sorry, you were saying about scripture...

Ah, now. It's important. I could quote scripture.

I could say,

"A woman that hath a familiar spirit shall surely be put to death."

Now, some witchfinders will be able to tell you the chapter and verse...

Leviticus 20:27.

..whereas others, like me, like Matthew -

that ilk - we're not bothered. No.

We're more focused on the bigger picture.

Who cares? Yes, might not be Chapter 20 in the end.

It might not be Chapter 20.

I'm not sure. Not sure about what?

Well, which one - what he was saying about the bigger picture.

You need to... In fact, I'll talk to him.

I have to say, I have written a witchfinding pamphlet myself,

which I've got here.

I'll just find a seat.

It is called "An Observation of the Study

"of the Nature of the Foulness of witches".

Maybe one too many "of the" there, but my plan is...

You're in my seat. Off I go. Lovely.

Happy to stand. Love standing.

Now. My name is Gideon Bannister.

I loved...

..loved your prosecuting earlier.

Some lovely scripture.

Lovely scripture. Crowd in the palm of your hands.

Fantastic peppering of Latin...

And a little tonic for loosening the tongue.

Red Cap mushroom, crushed and dried.

You will excuse Mr Hebble.

You might have to resort to the use of intoxicants

to secure a conviction,

but witchfinders like John and me

prefer to rely on scriptures, scruples and scrutiny.

The three "scrus".

And I believe, if I'm not wrong,

that belongs to you.

And apologies for that.

Now, if you'll excuse us, Mr Hebble,

John and me are talking about my witchfinding pamphlet...

That's the second time you've said "John and me".

There is no "John and me".

It's not like you're a proper witchfinder.

Well, I am a witchfinder.

Because you have a witchfinder's hat?

And the cloak?

Put a scarecrow in a farmer's hat and coat,

does that make it a farmer?

I'm engaged in a case across the square.

Oh. Let me know if it comes to trial.

I'm sure Mr Hopkins will be keen to hear of a good new witchfinder.

Tomorrow morning.

They're going to try her tomorrow morning? Yup.

On stage, or... On stage. All welcome.

I might come to that. Please do.

Please do.

Please do.

Does your head fill the whole hat,

or have you paid for more hat than you need?

If I were you, I'd concern myself with the charges

levelled against me.

And try not to be intimidated by my manner up there.

I'll try not to be.

I can be a little fearsome, especially when I hit top volume.

Yes. Understood.

Equally, don't be thrown by the...

..flourishes that accompany my work.

Dare say I'll manage.

You do realise you're on trial for witchery?

You do realise I've lived here my whole life?

I drink in the tavern.

My dad used to sell meat to everyone here.

I'm Meaty Gooch's girl. Meaty Gooch?

When they find out what the Griffins have been saying,

you're just going to get laughed at.

Oh Master Gideon, Master Gideon!

You know how I've been looking for Mr Stern?

You found him? No. Staggering.

But his horse is still here.

So he's still in town.

But "in town" is no good to us!

He needs to be out there bloody watching!

This is how John Stern came into the employ of Matthew Hopkins!

Public prosecution like this could be the making of me.

So stand up and go and find him!

Does that mean it's starting? Yes! Come on, let's go.

Head held high. Out we go.

Oh, Mary's here! Shut up.

Mary! Shut up!

You are a woman of God, are you not?

Yes.

Testifying under oath before the Lord?

Yes.

And you've seen this woman at close quarters?

Yes.

Formed a view of her character?

Yes.

Shaped, no doubt, by the inexplicable death of your pig?

Yes.

Do you believe Thomasine Gooch to be a witch?

Yes, I do.

Yes.

"Yes, I do.

"Yes."

Four words...

..or two words...

..twice bookended by a third,

that are truly damning.

Thank you.

Bit quicker.

My name is Gideon Bannister. Some of you may know me.

..and I'm here today... That's unbelievable.

And I'm here today in the presence of your magistrate, Mr Topcliffe,

and I believe Mr John Stern is with us today...

Um...

No, not quite yet.

..to present the case against Thomasine Gooch,

who used sorcery,

which led to the demise of Goodwife Griffin's pig,

cherished as it was like a member of her own family.

Definite likeness. Pardon me?

Nothing.

I'm ever so sorry, does this amuse you?

A bit, yeah. A bit? Does it?

Then it might amuse you to hear that you are charged

with the crime of maleficium, or harm by sorcery!

Well, which one is it?

What? Maleficium or harm by sorcery?

Maleficium is harm by sorcery!

Would it not just have been easier to say "harm by sorcery"?

Quicker to say Maleficium.

Not if you have to explain that it's harm by sorcery.

I wasn't to know that you didn't know what maleficium was.

Maybe next time just say "harm by sorcery",

unless you think it sounds better in Latin.

Up to you.

English or Latin...

..you made a pact with the devil.

I'm not being funny,

but the only ones that have accused me of being a witch

are the Griffins.

Ask anyone.

Susan!

Susan Archibald!

Or the Murrows.

John Murrow! Judy Murrow!

Ask any of them, and they'll vouch for me.

The Murrows described you as "ungodly".

What?!

Goodwife Archibald refers to you as a, um...

Well, I won't say the word,

but it becunts with the letter C.

You people!

My God!

If I was a witch, you lot would know about it!

I'd cast a spell to put ale in the well to liven you lot up a bit!

Maybe get you to admit to the ungodly stuff that you do.

Like sneaking across the square at 5am to get back

into bed before your wife wakes up.

I sleepwalk!

Or telling your sister that her hair looks nice piled up like that,

when actually she looks like she's got a pie on her head!

All of you lot have got something to hide,

but no...

..I'm the witch!

Oh, at last a confession!

No! No, no, no... No, I...

I think we're still waiting for John Stern.

I think the case for the prosecution rests.

Right now, prepare the defendant.

Gideon, where are you going?!

They're just about to announce it!

Pointless. I'm fed up, traipsing around to these stupid towns -

your Snettertons and your Banhams and your...

Girton. Yes, Girton. Exactly!

Poxy little towns with stupid little cases.

Are you hungry, Gideon?

I'm hungry for more!

I thought you did very well up there.

Very well.

You were up all night writing that speech.

Yes, for John Stern to hear, and he didn't even show up!

Is that not him? Is that not him?!

Mr Stern!

So you saw the trial then?

Sorry if you heard any of that.

Truth be told, I've had a bit of a fallow period,

an annus calamitous, if you like.

I'm sure you've been there.

Just saying, I'm sure you've been there, John.

In fact, I'll take that back.

I'm not sure you've been there.

In fact, I'm positive you haven't.

And I know that you won't, John.

Have I upset you, John?

John?

Oh, God!

I think you've hurt yourself a little bit, John.

There are one or two flies just near your mouth.

Yup. One's gone in.

It's gone into your mouth, John. Gideon...

It was on your lip, and then it's just marched into your mouth,

bold as brass.

Gideon. Don't inhale, John. Gideon, he's dead!

He must have drunk all the ale,

come in, slipped on the straw, and then impaled himself on that...

Oh, that metal thingy.

What an idiot. What an idiot! Showing off, probably!

Well, someone's going to have to tell the Witchfinder General

he's going to need a new right hand man.

I mean, yes, although goodness knows where Matthew Hopkins is.

He's not an easy man to pin down.

Well, it says here Mr Stern is going to meet him in Chelmsford

on Friday for a big showpiece witch trial.

Shame you're here.

Well, there won't be a shortage of qualified witchfinders

far closer to hand.

Yeah, but then again, they don't know that Mr Stern's dead, do they?

Or that Mr Hopkins is headed for Chelmsford.

You'd have been able to break the news.

You'd have been the first witchfinder on the spot,

with the witch who killed his friend.

I thought you said he slipped on the hay.

You told me,

witches make puppets...

..of the people they want to bewitch!

She made this to put a hex on him. Look.

I found it in her house. It's a shame the trial's done.

I don't think they'd take too kindly to you

whisking that witch away - they're going to want to see her burn!

Gideon?

Topcliffe!

Magistrate Topcliffe!

Excuse me, excuse me!

Magistrate Topcliffe, I need the suspect! What?!

I've got to take the suspect!

Why?! I've got a letter!

What letter? This one!

Received it just now.

It's from the Court of Assizes saying,

and this is bloody annoying,

I need to take the suspect there

to have a trial there.

What? No, no!

The worst of it, I need to take her immediately.

What does it say?

Actually, yeah. Let's hear the letter.

You want me to read the letter?

Yes!

Read it!

I'll happily read the letter.

It says...

.."To Mr Bannister."

Pardon me, a bit of phlegm.

"You shall immediately please transport the defendant,

"Thomasine..."

Gooch. Gooch.

Which is what it says here in black and white.

"..to the Court of Assizes,

"where she will be tried...by a judge..."

Obviously.

"..that we may more swiftly expunge the

"pernicious shadow of witchery

"that looms long over this large land..."

Which I thought was rather florid, but still quite nicely phrased.

All of the Ls - "looms", "long", "large".

You know what makes it florid?

"Yours..." Wrapping it up now.

"..the Master of the Rolls and Lord Chancellor of the...Bar."

There's your letter.

I don't have any questions,

unless you guys do?