Original subtitles

[Monk] Previously on Monk…

[Stottlemeyer] The crime scene boys found something here that might upset you.

Look at the fingerprints.

Thumb, index finger, middle finger. Ring finger, pinky.

[Natalie] Six fingers?

Twenty years,

-I've only seen one other bomb like that. -Trudy?

-Trudy! -[engine starts]

I said, stay back! I mean it!

Wait a minute, I know you.

-You're the cop with the wife. -Who hired you?

I tell you that, I'm a dead man.

[groans]

[Rollins] Sheriff's department. Drop that weapon. I'm not asking twice.

You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney.

-What the hell happened? -Monk jimmied the lock on the van.

He jumped out.

[Rollins] Your boss is a murder suspect.

Right now, he's acting like a very guilty murder suspect.

If you get a clean shot, bring him down.

Leland, I know who set me up. It was that sheriff.

Rollins? Why?

I don't know why, but I know how.

That was Adrian Monk.

Call the tac squad.

He said I should come alone.

-Are you setting me up, Leland? -Monk, put the gun away.

Monk!

Monk!

Monk, please, drop the gun!

[gunfire]

[groans]

[seagulls cawing]

Morning.

Great morning, Monk.

-How do you feel? -[Monk sighs]

I don't know.

How about happy to be alive?

No, that's not it.

-[exhales] Nice shooting. -Thank you.

I brought you some water and some dry clothes.

Where's everybody else?

They're looking for your body.

Found your jacket about two miles south.

That should keep them busy for a while.

Hey, not too shabby for somebody who can't swim.

I was highly motivated.

[groans]

What should I do now?

You don't do anything.

You're a dead man. You disappear.

I'm gonna poke around a bit

and see if I can't figure out what's going on.

Whatever it is, it's big.

Scary big.

-You think I can-- -No, you cannot call Natalie.

You cannot call Dr. Kroger.

How could you call them if you don't exist?

Monk, they want to lock you away, and they have the evidence to do it.

And after this little stunt, they could put me away too.

You better get going.

There is a bus stop behind the gas station up on Silvertree.

Hey, thanks.

Thanks for killing me.

Hey, that's what friends are for.

["It's A Jungle Out There" by Randy Newman plays]

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care Well, I do ♪

♪ Hey, who's in charge here? ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ You know what's in The water that you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's amazing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy 'Cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention You'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention Or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just kill you ♪

♪ I could be wrong now ♪

♪ But I don't think so ♪

♪ 'Cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

[gentle knock on door]

[Randy] Natalie.

Hey. How are you doing?

I don't know. About the same.

These were out front.

From Sharona.

Oh. Oh, they're beautiful.

Um, why don't you put them over there.

[Randy] She and Benjy are gonna fly in for the service.

It's funny.

When he was alive, he always said he didn't have any friends.

[sniffles]

Hey, would it be okay

if I wrote a song for the service?

Oh, yeah, Randy, that would be wonderful.

He would've liked that.

Mr. Monk was a big, big, big…

He knew how much you really love music.

-[Natalie chuckles] -Great.

[chuckles]

Look, I found one of him smiling.

Didn't see that very often. [sighs]

Listen, Natalie, the Captain's out front. He'd really like to come in.

No.

[sniffles]

Natalie, he didn't have a choice.

-Monk fired the first shot. -Don't tell me that.

There's always a choice. He could have fired a warning shot.

That's not the way we're trained.

How about shot him in the leg or not fired at all?

God, I can't believe it.

-I'm sorry. -I can't believe he's gone.

[Randy sighs] I'm so sorry.

Hey, the door was open.

Is there anything I can do?

I understand. I'll catch you later.

Wait, no, Captain.

[Natalie exhales] I'm sorry.

This must be harder on you than anybody.

Please, come in. [sniffles]

Thanks.

-Ooh, pretty flowers. -Uh…

So have they found his--

Uh, no, not yet.

The coast guard says they might never find him.

It just depends on the currents.

Yep.

It's just that I'm planning the service, and it's just hard without closure.

I appreciate that.

I, uh…

Randy told me that you rented out the Legion of Honor.

Yeah. [sniffles]

And he also said that you took out a loan to cover the costs?

-Yeah, that's right. -It's just, uh…

I don't think you need to be so extravagant.

-You don't, huh? -No.

In fact, I remember once,

Monk told me, he said that if anything ever happened to him, he, um…

wouldn't want anybody to go into debt.

I cannot believe you're saying that.

He was your friend.

Nat, I'm just trying to honor what he--

No, no, no, no, no. He loved you. I mean, he really loved you

And you sit here and-- I changed my mind. I want you out of here.

I'm going to ask you to leave, please.

Look, um, Natalie, you don't understand.

Yeah, I don't. I'm sorry, Captain.

Good-bye.

[somber music]

[exhales]

[sighs]

[car horns honking]

[whistles]

[speaking Spanish]

[yelling in Spanish]

[in English] What's the problem?

[speaking Spanish]

Rodriguez, how many times have I told you?

It doesn't have to be perfect, hombre.

You don't have to clean the inside of a cigarette lighter.

Nobody cares about the inside of a damn cigarette lighter!

Put it down!

Rodriguez, the faster we work, the more money we make.

Fast, more money. Slow, less money.

Comprende? Good.

55, you're all set!

Look, Rodriguez, it's not that complicated.

Even you can understand.

We get paid per car, get it?

Per car.

[speaks Spanish]

Mr. Larry! Larry, relax.

You're going to have another stroke.

This guy's the best rag man I ever seen.

Look at that car. It's better than new. It's like a diamond.

When the owner sees it, he gonna love it.

He gonna tell all his friends. He's gonna be a customer for life.

Well, it's about friggin' time.

I've been waiting over there 20 minutes.

You won't be seeing me again.

Have a nice day.

-Rodriguez, I'm warning you. -[engine starting]

[speaks Spanish]

[in English] I'm warning you!

[mutters in Spanish]

[tires squeal]

[light knocks]

Hello. One minute.

[Kathy] Mr. Rodriguez?

Just a minute.

-Hello. -I'm sorry to bother you.

You were asking about room number 10.

-You wanted to switch? -Yeah.

My father said 10 will be available on Sunday,

but you understand it's basically the same room,

-just a different number. -[dog whines]

Right, I… I understand.

[dog whimpers]

Shh! Be a good girl.

[chuckles] I'm sorry, she's just a puppy.

-We're still teaching her. -[dog barks]

She's not on a leash? Where's her leash?

-She should have a leash. -Oh, no.

She has a special collar, actually, a shock collar.

My father put a wire around the motel.

It's like an invisible fence.

If she wanders too far, she gets a little zap. [laughs]

Yeah, I know how she feels.

Oh, uh,

Here.

What's all this?

It's just research. I'm writing a story.

Oh, you write about criminals?

-Like, mysteries? -Well…

You know what you should write about?

You should write about this.

It actually just happened two miles from here.

A highway worker was killed.

Really? Yeah?

Yeah, it's a real-life mystery with real clues and everything.

Um, yeah, it was a hit-and-run, actually.

-They're looking for a silver SUV. -Yeah.

-I can leave it if you want. -No, no, that's okay.

-You can take it. -[dog whimpers]

Take, take…

Well, I'll let you get back to your work.

-Good night, Mr. Rodriguez. -Good night.

Eureka, what are you doing?

Come on, Eureka, let's go.

[chuckles]

Eureka.

He's over here. I think it might be your boy.

Male, Caucasian, late forties, 5'11".

I read the posting. Said gunshot wound.

Yes, sir, it looks like two to the chest.

The coast guard just fished him out of Avalon Bay.

[groans]

Is that a tattoo?

Yes, sir.

[dialer beeps]

[groans]

It's not him.

[male voice] Of course it isn't him.

I've been telling you, Monk is alive.

You can't be sure.

That's true, I can't. You can.

He's out there. He's somewhere.

Find him!

[ominous music]

Does everybody have them? You have yours? Good.

Hey, Captain. Are you okay?

[Stottlemeyer] Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?

No reason. Rollins is still in the office.

The guys are wearing these for Monk. We weren't sure if you wanted to wear it.

Of course I do, Randy.

Um, thank you.

-Two? -For the other arm.

Right. To make it even.

-Make 'em even. -Monk.

Hello, Sheriff Rollins. Make yourself at home.

You read the paper today?

I did. I read the sports page. I did the jumble.

No, not the jumble.

This, page five.

Male, Caucasian, 5'11".

Late forties.

-Is it Monk? -No.

It's not Monk.

I was at the morgue last night.

The guy had a tattoo and red hair.

Ah, I thought it was strange.

What was strange?

Well, I'll tell you what was strange.

You weren't there.

A bulletin was sent in. It was in the daily log.

You must have read it.

You guys won't mind if I hang around a few more days,

see if anything else washes up?

Knock yourself out.

We can use all the help we can get.

-We all got to suffer. -Yeah.

-I'll see you boys around the campus. -Bye-bye.

[exhales]

[paper slams on desk]

What?

It's a good question. Why didn't you check it out?

Because I was busy.

I was turning over rocks,

trying to get a bead on that son of a bitch.

He just bought a second house in Catalina.

And a new BMW, and look at this.

He's got two offshore bank accounts on a sheriff's salary.

Randy, this guy is dirty. I can smell him.

What is it?

This one's been repainted.

Recently.

It used to be silver.

They're looking for a silver SUV.

Are you okay?

What are you doing?

Well, at least make it look like you're working.

-I need you to look under the car. -[chuckles] What?

Just behind this fender.

Inside, tell me what you see.

Check the axle.

You're gonna get us both fired.

Right behind this front wheel.

What are these?

A highway worker was killed.

And so these are gonna go to his brother Ambrose's house,

and those will go to my garage.

All these books. What was he, a professor?

Uh, no, a detective.

An amazing detective.

He could look at a room or a person

and see things that nobody else could see.

Like the car wash guy.

Yeah.

What car wash guy?

The guy in Nevada. I was just reading about him.

Here. It's in today's paper.

They call him the "Car Wash Columbo."

He solved a big hit-and-run case single-handedly.

Yeah. Sounds like a real character.

His boss says it takes him a whole hour to wipe down every car.

Won't even use the same rag twice.

Can I see that?

Yeah.

There's no picture.

I guess he's modest too.

Leland Rodriguez.

His name is Leland?

[indistinct chatter]

Captain Stottlemeyer. Where is he?

-I don't know. -Where is he?

It's not mine.

Well, it matches the set in your mother's kitchen.

How do you explain that?

-My mom's not the only-- -I have to talk to you.

-Natalie, what are you doing? -Is this him? It's him, isn't it?

He's the "Car Wash Columbo."

"Car Wash Columbo"?

Um, Reginald, we need to take a break.

Cool, I'll wait outside.

Nice try, kid.

Jackson, could you baby-sit my young friend here for a minute?

Go on.

Shhh.

It's him, isn't it?

Oh, my god. [sobs]

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Why didn't you tell me?

Natalie, Natalie, Natalie, Natalie.

[crying]

I am so sorry.

You're sorry?! But how?

Bulletproof vest. We couldn't tell anybody.

-"Leland Rodriguez"? -That's his name.

-Well, that's just stupid. -What's he doing in Nevada?

He's supposed to be avoiding attention, staying off the radar.

He's all alone?

Natalie, you can't tell anybody.

You can't tell Randy. You can't even tell Julie.

Randy doesn't know?

No. I'm trying to protect him.

From what?

I'm not sure.

There's something going on here.

That Sheriff Rollins, he framed Monk for shooting the six-fingered man.

You were there.

They were gonna send Monk away forever.

And it's not just Rollins.

Rollins is working for somebody, maybe somebody in the governor's office.

Oh, my god.

It might go higher than that, I'm not sure.

I'm still working on it. I just need a little more time.

I have to see him.

Natalie, no.

Leave him alone.

He's safe where he is.

You have to promise me you're not gonna do anything.

Promise me.

Okay. Okay, I promise.

[engine starts]

[male voice] Make me happy.

[Rollins] She's on the move.

It looks like a real road trip.

Took her daughter to a neighbor's, packed a suitcase.

[male voice] Stay with her. She'll lead you right to him.

[Rollins] What do I do when I find him?

[male voice] Do you really have to ask?

No, sir, I do not.

♪ Tru-- Trudy, Trudy ♪

Okay, okay, I'm gonna, uh, just give you a little heads up

-before the service. -Uh-huh.

It's, uh…

It's kind of a protest song.

It's gonna be pretty controversial,

especially the tenth verse,

where I talk about the actual shooting.

I mean, I don't mention you by name.

-I just, I call you "the man." -The tenth verse?

Randy, how many verses are there in total?

Uh, 14 so far, and a bridge.

Good.

[Randy clears throat]

[clears throat]

[exhales]

♪ Why ♪

♪ Tell me why ♪

♪ Did a good man ♪

♪ Have to die? ♪

♪ Shot down in his prime ♪

♪ Forty-eight ♪

♪ Or 49 ♪

♪ Why ♪

♪ Tell me why ♪

-Randy. -♪ Did a good man ♪

♪ Have to die? ♪

Randy, he's not dead.

♪ Has… ♪

[Stottlemeyer sighs]

We faked it.

Monk jumped off the pier.

[Imitates water splash]

He was wearing a bulletproof vest.

He's alive?

He's alive?

Yep. He's in hiding.

Until we figure out what the hell's going on.

I can't believe it.

-[Randy exhales] -You okay?

Did--

Yeah, uh…

I'm thrilled, yeah. Yeah, I just…

You look disappointed.

It's just, it's the best song I ever wrote.

Well… well, save it.

It's a great song. He's gonna die one day.

Yeah. But you're not gonna shoot him.

You never know.

[Steve] hey, Sherlock Holmes, you know how to lock up, right?

Make sure you put the rags in the washing machine.

Don't clean the washing machine.

Just put the rags in the washing machine, understand?

See you mañana.

Hola, señorita.

Hola.

Mr. Monk, I know it's you.

What's with the wipe? Why would I need a--

Oh, god. Oh, god, why didn't you tell me?

To protect you.

I thought Rollins might be watching you.

Oh, that's ridiculous. Why would Rollins--

Adrian, don't move a muscle.

Show me your hands.

You too, Miss Teeger.

Ah, you are knee-deep in it now, buddy.

You're the one that's in trouble.

We know all about how you set Mr. Monk up and switched the gun barrels.

If anybody's going to prison, it is you.

Thanks for stopping by, Natalie.

Let me tell you about the real world, Natalie.

It's never about what happened.

It's always, can you prove what happened?

All right, Adrian, we've done this before.

On the ground, face down.

[grunts]

What was that?

It was supposed to…

It was supposed to go faster.

[Natalie screams]

[Monk whispering indistinctly]

[Natalie whimpers]

[Rollins] Come on out, buddy.

Don't make me do something I'm not gonna regret.

[Natalie grunts]

You too, Natalie. Aiding and abetting.

I gotta call the big man.

He's not paying me enough for this crap.

[whispering] The big man? This way.

[Monk] Over there.

Okay.

[whooshing and hissing]

[muffled shouts]

-[Rollins moaning] -[Natalie] what are you doing?

[Monk] we're taking his car so he can't follow us!

-Come on! -Go, go, go, go, go, go!

[Rollins groans]

[engine starts]

[tires screech]

You got anything else? Any pay stubs?

No, no pay stub.

I have a birthday card and an unpaid electrical bill.

Wait.

Okay, there's a check for $10,000

made out to Angel County Children's Center.

Angel County Children's Center.

[keyboard clacking]

No such animal.

Okay, that check is dirty. Who wrote it?

The Xanadu Corporation.

Xanadu Corporation.

No, "X."

[keyboard clacking]

[beeps]

Xanadu, a division of the Orpheum Investment Group.

Yeah, which is controlled by the Blue Danube Foundation.

[Stottlemeyer] Blue Danube Foundation?

Which is owned by…

[suspenseful music]

Oh, my god.

Who's Dale Biederbeck?

Not too hard. The new skin is the most tender.

Mmm! That's it, right there.

I dreamt about you last night.

Do you ever dream about me?

Sometimes.

I wonder if we're having the same dream.

I doubt it.

Biederbeck.

You have a visitor.

You have 10 minutes.

The eager Miss Teeger!

You took a big chance coming here.

The photos I've seen don't do you justice.

Althena, we'll have to continue this tomorrow.

Remember where we left off.

Do you mind?

Watching Althena walk away is the only exercise I get.

You get a manicure every day?

A computer, your own telephone.

-It doesn't look like you're suffering. -Believe me, Natalie, I suffer.

Remember the day you got the news about Mitch?

That's where I live.

-How do you know about-- -About your dead husband?

You work for Adrian Monk, Natalie.

That makes you and your family my business.

Is that the governor?

I'm a big fan.

Didn't he just refuse to commute your sentence?

Turn it off, please.

Turn what off?

The video recorder in your purse.

I won't be confessing to anything today, Natalie.

We don't have to play games. I know Adrian Monk is alive.

I never believed his oldest friend Leland Stottlemeyer

would actually shoot him.

[laughs] Did you?

[gasps] Really?

To tell the truth, I'm so relieved.

I don't want Monk dead.

Ever since he put me here,

my dream has been to trade places with the man.

I want Monk here!

In this hellhole, rotting away, slowly, slowly, slowly.

-What about Sheriff Rollins? -What about him?

-We know he's on your payroll. -Is he really?

He used to work here as a prison guard. Is that where you met him?

And we know you hired Frank Nunn.

You brought him back from South America.

You're planning something.

Whatever it is, Mr. Biederbeck, you can forget about it;

it's not going to happen.

I'm afraid you're too late, Natalie.

Wheels are in motion.

It was nice meeting you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, before you go,

turn on your little machine.

I want to say hello to your boss.

Hello, Adrian.

How's my favorite desperado?

So nice meeting Natalie.

We had a wonderful chat.

She hardly seemed repulsed by me at all.

In fact, I think I might offer her a job

when you're in here and I'm out there.

He kept saying that.

He kept talking about trading places with you.

He thinks he's getting out.

Well, if he's thinking of squeezing through the bars,

he's got 400 pounds to go.

What is that behind him?

I knew you were gonna ask me that. That's why I zoomed in.

It's a computer.

It's a weather report. Riverton, California.

Riverton.

Don't screw with me, man. I held up my end.

I just got back from Riverton.

It's all set up. We're good to go.

Riverton.

The governor?

They're gonna kill him.

[marching band playing music]

[crowd cheering]

-Where is he? -Do you see him?

Where is he?

Mr. Biederbeck, can you talk?

You're missing a beautiful parade.

Lots of balloons.

[Biederbeck] I was hoping for some fireworks.

I think they're saving that for the end.

-Here, here. -Hey, hey.

Excuse me, excuse me, this man's a detective.

-Well, former detective. -You have to stop the parade.

We think there's a bomb in the governor's car.

It's Dale Biederbeck, Dale the Whale.

Have you heard of him?

It's okay. I didn't either.

He's a killer. He's in San Quentin.

He's been serving two consecutive… consecutive life terms.

The governor refused to commute his sentence,

but the lieutenant governor will.

He's got the lieutenant governor in his pocket.

That's what this whole thing has been about.

If he kills the governor, he gets out of jail.

They hired a hitman named Frank Nunn.

He has six fingers. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, see, Nunn was here in Riverton a week ago.

We think he planted a bomb in the governor's car.

Didn't need him anymore.

-Nunn was a loose end so they killed him. -It was a two-fer.

They killed Nunn, and they tried to frame me for it.

Biederbeck hates me.

He wants to trade places with me.

[speaking Italian]

Where is he?

There he is! Go! Go!

See that guy? He's wanted for murder.

Get your men. Get after him.

Now! Let's go!

How's he gonna do it? Remote control?

No, no, no, they would've set it off already.

It must be on some kind of timer or…

[barking]

What's wrong, boy?

[whimpering]

Eureka.

Excuse me?

Natalie, I just solved the case.

-Eureka? -No, no, no. I mean, Eureka's a dog.

She was wearing one of those shock collars with a little receiver.

Look. There… there's a battery.

It's wired to a transmitter that runs through that banner.

The bomb must be hooked to one of those dog collars.

Oh, my god, so when the car goes by the banner…

[Stottlemeyer] Hey, stop this parade!

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer, SFPD.

Stop the parade. The governor's in danger.

-Okay! -[whistle blows]

[band playing loudly]

[whistle blends with band]

[Randy] Make it all stop!

-[Stottlemeyer] Stop! Hey! Hey! -[Randy] hold up!

Make it all stop.

Natalie, what are you doing?

[Randy] I'm a police officer. Stop the parade.

I need for you to stop the parade now.

Stop this parade!

Natalie, what are you doing?

What's wrong with you-- stop the parade!

-No, no-- -[Rollins] Drag her down.

Get her down here.

John Rollins, you're under arrest for murder and conspiracy to commit.

We know you're working for Biederbeck. We know you framed Monk.

Me? You're under arrest.

Obstruction of justice, aiding and abetting. Arrest him!

No! I'm a captain of the San Francisco Police Department!

Arrest him!

He's out of his jurisdiction. Arrest him!

Captain, the trigger is in the banner!

Wait! Trudy! No!

No!

[Monk] Wait, stop! Stop! There's a bomb!

There's a bomb!

There's a bomb!

Don't move the vehicle!

[Monk] there's a bomb, I'm telling you.

Hold on! Look at this!

-Clear these people out of here! -[crowd screaming]

Everybody clear!

Call the bomb squad.

Uh, we don't have one.

It-- it's in the budget for next year.

I don't think we can wait that long.

[suspenseful music]

Could you take your hands off my friend, please.

He's had a long day.

You have right to remain silent--

Yeah, I know all that stuff.

Let's just get the hell out of here.

[breathing heavily]

Good job.

Good job.

[dramatic music]

Hello, Dale.

Adrian Monk.

Why am I not surprised?

I tried to call, but apparently your phone's been disconnected.

Yes, I should've done it years ago. Fewer distractions.

I see they took your bed and your computer.

They were cluttering up the room.

You know me, Monk. I've always been a simple man

of philosophic joys.

And they're making you eat in the cafeteria now.

That can't be fun.

At least you won't be eating alone.

Your little friend Sheriff Rollins will be joining you soon.

He's talking to the D.A. right now, telling him everything.

About how you hired Frank Nunn to plant that bomb

and then killed Nunn and tried to frame me for it.

Might want to save a seat for the Lieutenant Governor too.

Are you having fun?

No.

But it's as close as I'm ever gonna get.

What did you win, Monk?

Nothing!

We're both back where we started.

Not exactly.

The police in Dourados found something in Frank Nunn's apartment.

Some old letters.

He talked about killing Trudy.

He mentioned the man who hired him.

You have a name!

Yeah, not quite.

Nunn called him "The Judge."

The Judge.

I can't help you, Adrian.

Can't or won't?

A little lead.

How exciting.

That should keep you off the street for a while.

The important thing is that you're off the street.

[laughs] You really think these bars can hold me?

Yeah.

They seem pretty strong.

Have a good life, Dale.

It's true, Adrian Monk!

I'm in prison, but you're in a worse prison!

You're trapped!

Trapped by your own demons! You're in your own private hell!

I wouldn't trade places with you

for a billion dollars!

I mean, another billion dollars!

You hear me?

Come back here! I'm not done!

[Monk] Oh, yes, you are.

["It's a Jungle Out There" playing]