Original subtitles

-[man 1] We're ahead of schedule. -[man 2] That's a first, huh?

Wanna grab some coffee?

No, I gotta get home.

We're meeting the wedding planner.

I thought that was last night.

No, last night was the caterer.

Should have taken my advice.

Should have just eloped.

Well, it's too late now.

No, it's not, man. You can do it.

Hop on a plane tonight, go to Vegas.

Boom, it's all over.

Rachel's mom would never speak to me again.

That's the best argument to do it.

I've been trying to get my mother-in-law to shut up for five years.

Whoa, what's this?

What the hell are they doing?

[guns cocking]

-Hit the brakes! -I'm trying.

Try the emergency brake!

This is Baker 4.

We're on Vinton and Hillside.

It's a hijacking.

I repeat, we are being hijacked.

[radio static]

They're jamming us.

[suspenseful music playing]

["It's a Jungle Out There" by Randy Newman playing]

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care ♪

♪ Well, I do ♪

♪ Hey, who's in charge here? ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ Do you know what's in the water That you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's amazing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy 'Cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention You'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention Or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just kill you ♪

♪ I could be wrong now ♪

♪ But I don't think so ♪

♪ 'Cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

[Disher] We just found the truck.

-Been sitting here for three days. -[Stottlemeyer] Thanks.

-And they left most of the cash. -[Disher] Yes, sir.

And these are the drivers.

Yeah. The ME said they put up a fight.

I mean, blood everywhere like there was a struggle.

Well, good for them.

Maybe they injured one of the bastards.

Let's check the hospitals.

I want a list of all gunshot wounds, knife wounds.

Yes, sir.

You okay?

[groans] Toothache.

Wait, is that the same tooth? I told you to take care of that.

Yeah, I am.

I'm chewing on the other side.

It's fine, I hardly notice it.

[whines]

You're crying.

Randy, you're no good to me like this. Go to a dentist.

I have an appointment, Saturday.

Oh, I get it.

You don't wanna use up your sick days.

You're saving your sick days for when you're not feeling sick, is that it?

I'm gonna go talk to Monk. You make me wanna talk to Monk.

[wincing]

Ahh. [gasps]

Ooh.

God, I just heard one of those guys was about to get married.

[whimpering]

Randy?

God. I know, I know. It's heartbreaking.

They were so young.

Sweetie, it's okay to cry.

It means you have a heart.

Here, look at me.

You're a compassionate person.

That's nothing to be ashamed of.

It hurts.

Yeah. I know. I know it hurts.

[sighs]

Oh.

[breathing sharply]

You don't want anybody to see you?

-[moans] -I understand.

Know what? If anyone says anything, we'll just say that you--

My tooth, oh…

Yeah, perfect, that you have a toothache.

Oh, God!

God, this hurts.

Okay, I think that's overdoing it.

Oh, please, Jesus, somebody just shoot me.

Randy, no one's gonna believe that.

There's some oil on the floor.

Is that a clue? Is that important?

Nah, there's oil on the floor.

I'll call the EPA.

So, do you, uh… Any ideas about the robbery?

Did you notice the back bumper, how damaged it was?

-Yeah. -And these side mirrors are pushed in.

I don't think this armored car was driven here.

-It wasn't? -No.

I think it was carried somehow in the back of a bigger truck.

You can see the tire tracks from a larger vehicle.

You're right.

It was probably an 18-wheeler about 14 feet wide.

So, they brought the armored car here, they unload it.

How did they get the drivers out of the cab?

[intriguing music playing]

With this. A piece of rubber tubing.

They drilled the hole here.

In the Plexiglas.

They gassed them out.

[sniffs]

[chuckles] Randy?

Yes, sir?

Bag this up.

Oh.

-He has a toothache. -Yeah, I know.

He's been bitching about it all week.

-What, it's a real toothache? -Yeah.

I can't believe you lied to me like that.

What didn't you just say I have a toothache?

I did, like ten times.

Randy, if you don't take care of this tooth immediately, today,

I'm gonna rip it out myself, you understand?

Fine.

What?

Oh… Ow.

Mr. Disher?

-Yeah. -Oh, good.

I'm Carrie.

Did you do all your paperwork?

Both sides.

Good boy.

Yeah.

Where's your, uh, receptionist?

Oh, our nighttime receptionist quit.

-Couldn't stand the excitement, huh? -[laughs] I guess not.

So you're gonna be in Room B.

That's between A and C.

Well, what if I get lost?

You want me to draw you a map?

-Yeah, I think I can find it. -Okay.

I'll be right in.

[Dr. Bloom] Well, Mr. Disher,

I'm Oliver Bloom.

Don't get up. Just kidding.

-You're a lieutenant, am I right? -Yeah.

I can usually guess within one rank.

I see a lot of cops in here. We're on the medical plan.

Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.

Oh, that's not a problem.

We're open late on Tuesdays and Thursdays in case of emergencies.

Also, they keep Terri here off the streets.

[laughs] He worries about me.

I do. You know what I'm really worried about?

I worry about this bad boy right here.

Your number three molar.

-Terri, can I have a light, please? -Mm-hm.

I want you to open wide, just try to relax.

A little wider.

Okay, just relax.

-Uh. Ow! -Okay, okay, okay. A little sensitive.

Well, I hope you're not in love with that tooth, Lieutenant,

because I'm afraid it's gonna have to go.

Now, we can either pull it next week, or we can do it today.

The choice is yours.

[sighs] Let's do it now.

Okay, Randy, we're gonna put you under for about 30 minutes.

-All right. -You're not gonna feel a thing.

[groans]

As a matter of fact, you're gonna be back here

-every week for this. -[Terri chuckles]

And if you're a really good boy, I'm gonna give you a sticker afterwards.

What if I'm a bad boy?

-Just breathe. -[breathes deeply]

Breathe normally, relax.

I know it's hard with Terri standing over you.

Can you hear me?

Just relax, I want you to take ten deep breaths, okay?

One, two, three.

Four…

[Disher breathes deeply]

Terri, I'm gonna need that angled director probe again, please.

Angled director probe.

[Terri] Doctor, wait, I think he's coming awake again.

[Disher breathes deeply]

[Dr. Bloom] Come on. Come on.

-[door opens] -[man] Hey! Hey!

What are you doing here?

[man] What did you do with Barry Bonds?

I know he's here somewhere.

What did you do? I know he's here.

-I know he's here. -What are you talking about?

Barry Bonds.

-Barry Bonds. -We don't know any Barry Bonds.

He is worth $13 million. What did you do with him?

-We're with a patient here. -Yeah. We have a patient here.

-We're really… -Listen, Barry Bonds.

-I… -[grunts]

[fighting grunts]

[Disher weakly] Hey.

[clattering]

[Disher weakly] Hey, cut it out.

I'm a police officer.

-[thwacking] -[grunting]

[groggily] I'm a police officer.

Hey, sleeping beauty.

Welcome back.

[Disher inhales sharply]

[Disher] Are you all right?

Am I all right? Why wouldn't I be? [chuckles]

There was a man in here.

[Dr. Bloom] She has a man in here all the time.

You… You were fighting.

Well, there was a fight, all right.

Between me and this molar here.

-It didn't wanna come out. -[laughs]

There's gonna be some sensitivity for a few days.

I wrote you a prescription. This should help with the pain.

Now, don't take more than one every four hours.

Oh, and I almost forgot.

Your sticker.

[light, whimsical music playing]

[detective] Captain, there are no reports of any stolen trucks.

Well, keep looking. Widen the net.

Start at Seattle and work your way south.

Captain, here's a copy of the updated manifest.

The cash was new, right?

Yes, sir. It would have been easily traced.

All they took were the negotiable bank certificates.

-Over ten million dollars. -All right, let's follow the money.

How many fences in the country could handle a haul like this?

-I'll find out. -Captain?

Randy, welcome back.

You're working with Patterson on the bank certificates.

Get me Frank Davis at the Treasury Department on the line.

And put a list together of all the fences.

-Any fence in the country who's got-- -Captain, do you have a minute?

Yeah, what's up?

It's about my dentist, Dr. Bloom?

Yeah?

I think, um…

I think he might…

Did he touch you? Inappropriately?

What? No. Jesus, no.

No.

I think he killed a guy.

He what?

[sighs] It happened.

I think that he-- Dr. Bloom and his assistant Terri?

I mean, I think they… they murdered someone.

You saw it?

Yeah, sort of. I was sedated.

Uh… You were sedated?

[chuckles] Randy, one time, I was under anesthesia.

I thought my mustache was a chipmunk.

I was the Green Lantern once.

It was great.

I didn't wanna wake up.

Look, I was supposed to be out for 30 minutes.

-Uh-huh. -But I was under for almost two hours.

-Was there a body? -No.

-Any signs of a struggle? -No.

Who did they kill?

I don't know. It was a guy.

-Male, Caucasian, uh, 5'11", 200 pounds. -Mm-hm.

They were arguing about Barry Bonds. I'm pretty sure I can ID him.

The baseball player?

Yeah. I…

I think that this guy thought that Dr. Bloom kidnapped Barry Bonds.

They were arguing about how much Barry Bonds was worth.

Hey, you know, if your dentist played baseball,

you know what team he'd play for?

The Yanks. Get it?

[laughing]

It's not funny.

It's a little funny, Randy.

Look, why don't you, um…

take a walk. Clear your head.

Here, drop this off at Monk's.

He's waiting for this. Then take the rest of the day off, okay?

Go to the movies, go to the beach. Okay?

Get out of here.

I'll call you later.

Is this everything? The whole file?

Yeah.

Monk, can I ask you a question?

What do you, uh, normally charge?

You know, for someone who wants to… hire you.

I mean, not the Department. Uh…

A private party.

Like who?

Like me.

Is this about the dentist?

The Captain called us.

He said you had a reaction to the anesthesia.

You were probably hallucina--

No, I wasn't hallucinating.

It really happened.

It… it was as real as you are right now standing in front of me.

Randy, I'm not standing.

But if you need my help…

you don't have to pay me.

All you have to do is ask.

I mean, you're one of my oldest friends. I've known you for years.

Thank you. I want you to come back to the dentist's office with me.

Let me finish.

Unfortunately, at the moment, I have a lot of things on my plate.

No, you don't.

Well, I… I have this armored car thing.

I have to read this whole file that's about 120 pages.

And I just found a typo, by the way.

And I have to replace the lint filter on my dryer.

-Filters do not replace themselves. -Mr. Monk, can I talk to you for a minute?

I have to talk to Natalie for a minute.

-Privately? -What?

In the kitchen?

-Now. Go. -Okay.

Mr. Monk, this is Randy we're talking about.

He'd do anything for you.

And I would do anything for him except this, Natalie.

I can't do it. I have a thing about dentists.

You have a thing about everything.

That's true, but dentists are in a separate category altogether, okay?

I can't even discuss it. I can't even think about discussing it.

I can't talk about thinking about discussing it.

Mr. Monk, everybody's afraid of dentists.

Not like this. Not like this.

Okay, okay, okay. How afraid are you? On a scale of one to ten?

Ha! Ten.

I am so far beyond ten, I laugh at your tens.

I lie awake at night dreaming about tens.

The chair and the probing, and the drilling, and the rinsing.

Okay, Mr. Monk, what do you do when you get a cavity?

I don't get a cavity. I don't get cavities.

I brush my teeth 12 times a day, and I floss every 90 minutes.

So you've never been to a dentist.

Once, when I was 12.

How'd that go?

Not well.

You know, this is ridiculous.

We're just gonna go there and look around.

You're not a patient.

You're not sitting in the chair. There's no probing.

There's no drilling. I'll be with you the whole time.

-But I… -No.

Oh… great.

He's happy to do it.

Great.

[quirky music playing]

[Natalie whispering] I don't see anything.

It happened in the other room.

Room B.

What do you think?

Psst, Mr. Monk.

I'm pretty sure this is how the Nazis decorated their bunkers.

Don't look at that. Look, look… look down.

Look… look at the carpet. What a beautiful carpet.

It is a beautiful carpet.

-Right? Is that better? -That is better.

[Monk breathes deeply]

Oh, Highlights for Children.

Oh, find the hidden picture. I used to love these.

Where is the egg beater?

It's under the sled.

You're right.

And the umbrella is in the cloud above the snowman.

And the fish is next to the ice skate.

Okay, how are you doing that?

'Cause I read that same issue…

35 years ago.

It was in the…

It was in the…

the dentist's office.

Natalie, I… I can't do this.

Yeah, no, no, no, no. You can do this.

You can do this. You're doing great.

-Well… -Okay, here, here, sit down,

and think about something else, okay?

Here, I brought the case file.

Concentrate on this.

Lieutenant. You back for more?

[chuckles] No. No.

Actually, I think I just left my cell phone

in the chair in Room B.

Oh! Well, it's empty now if you wanna take a look.

Great.

I'm Natalie, I'm just gonna help him. He can't ever find anything.

I'm gonna be right back. I'm gonna be right here. Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.

[door opens]

[sighs]

-Okay, I was in the chair. -Mm-hm.

And they were fighting over there.

Okay, well, I don't see anything.

[Disher] He bought new equipment.

He bought new equipment to replace the stuff

that got broken during the fight.

Maybe.

[whirring]

-What's that? -It's a drill.

Don't be afraid.

I'm not afraid.

Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid.

[whirring continues]

[Natalie] Mr. Monk, it's okay.

-We're gonna go home now. You can let go. -No, no, we're not going anywhere.

He hasn't seen anything yet.

-I think he's seen enough. -There a problem?

Oh, no, no. I just left my, uh, my cell phone in the other room.

Dr. Bloom, uh, this is Adrian Monk. He's a friend of mine.

The Adrian Monk, the detective?

-It's a pleasure to meet you. -[mumbling]

Apparently, the pleasure's all mine.

He just has a little thing about dentists.

You know what? It happens to me all the time.

I don't take it personally.

-Oh. -Let me help you with that.

Oh, are you working on the armored car case?

I've been reading about it. I'm a bit of a true crime aficionado.

I'm sorry, that's just classified. [chuckles]

You got a couple of hobbies then, huh?

True crime and baseball.

-Baseball? -Baseball?

Well, yeah, I'm sure I heard you guys talking about Barry Bonds yesterday.

-[both laugh] -[phone rings]

You know what, people hear a lot of crazy things

when they're under sedation.

They say a lot of crazy things, too.

-I should write a book, really. -Yeah. Yes, sir, I understand.

Okay, we're on our way.

-We gotta go. That was the Captain. -Oh, we gotta go.

Okay.

Take care.

[dog sniffing]

A couple of fishermen just found him.

These two bruises, ten inches apart.

There's another set of bruises

exactly ten inches apart.

Yeah, what caused that?

Well, it must be something ten inches apart.

Thanks a lot.

Well, what do you got? You said it was important.

I found this in his trousers. It was in his pants cuff.

It's Plexiglas.

It's gotta be one of the hijackers.

He drilled the hole.

So who is he?

Turn him over.

I don't recognize him, do you?

No.

Oh, my god.

That's the guy. That's the guy from the dentist's office.

Randy, I told you to take some time off.

No, no. Captain, that's the guy.

I told you I could ID him. And that is definitely the guy.

What, this is the guy that your dentist killed along with his hygienist?

That's right.

This is the guy that they killed in front of you

while you were in the chair.

-That's right. -Right, because Dr. Bloom

kidnapped Barry Bonds,

and they were arguing about the ransom money--

-Yeah. What, is that so crazy? -[laughter]

What the hell are you laughing at, Patterson?

-I'm not crazy. -Okay, nobody said you were crazy, Randy.

Out loud. While you were there

you should've had 'em put some wisdom teeth in.

Hey, you can't even spell wisdom teeth, Downey.

-All right, look, Natalie. -What?

You and Monk were there, right? Notice anything?

Mmm, no, I wasn't really on my game.

I have this thing about dentists.

Kroger calls it a supermegaphobia.

If germs are here and snakes are here, the dentists are…

You see that branch up there?

The second one from the top?

The one above that one.

Captain, are you going to investigate this or not?

Randy, you were sedated. You couldn't have seen anything.

Fine, I quit.

-You what? -No, I quit.

I'm sick and tired of being treated like the village idiot.

-Here's my gun and my badge. -Randy, come on.

I'm not a joke.

I'm not here to entertain you.

I'm a homicide detective.

Randy, don't be ridiculous.

Take it.

Randy.

[gentle music playing]

Randy.

Captain, they just IDed the body. Are you ready for this?

It's Denny Jardeen.

Ooh, I know that name.

Yeah, he's an ex-cop.

Worked the Mission District.

-He was bad news. -[Monk groans]

He was charged five times.

Excessive force, conduct unbecoming.

Took an early retirement four years ago.

Thanks.

-What's he doing? -Flossing.

He's determined never to go back to a dentist again.

Uh, just pretend I'm not here.

Monk, cut it out, I mean it. This is a floss-free zone.

-Since when? -[Stottlemeyer] Since right now.

Cut it out.

-What's this? -That's nothing.

Background check Oliver Bloom.

You're checking out the dentist?

Yeah, I figured it couldn't hurt to check him out.

You're doing this for Randy, aren't you?

Why don't you just call him?

Because he quit.

Randy is an adult.

He made a decision and I respect it.

You miss him, I can tell.

Look, Natalie, it's not like we were going steady, okay?

We worked together. He was just another cop.

That is not true.

You're right, it's not true.

He's not just another cop,

he was the single most annoying human being

to ever wear a badge.

[gargling]

Present company excepted.

Okay, you guys, let's try this new one.

I printed up some lyric sheets.

Why do we need lyric sheets? You're the only one singing.

Just so you can, uh, follow along

so you know what it's about.

We're making a statement.

We are?

Okay, let's do it, from the top.

-A-five, six, seven, eight. -Whoa, whoa, whoa!

-What was that? -Counting off.

Five, six, seven, eight?

-That's for dancing. -No, it's not.

You're supposed to go, "One, two, three, four."

Come on. What's the difference?

It's rock 'n' roll, man.

Let's do that blues song we used to do.

[intro music playing]

Guys. Guys, guys, guys!

Hey, guys, guys! Why don't we just stick to the original material?

Okay?

I mean, that's what the people wanna hear.

What people? Randy, we're in my stepfather's garage.

Well, Aaron, there might be people one day.

I mean, touring, record deal?

Come on, guys, wasn't that the dream?

Maybe 17 years ago? In 12th grade?

Well, you know what?

I still believe in the dream.

I mean, I believe in the Randy Disher Project.

Come on, I quit my job for this.

Big mistake.

All right, let's just do it, okay?

From the top.

If you say, "Five, six, seven, eight" again, I quit.

I'm just telling you.

Good. You know what? Do you wanna be the lead singer?

Excuse me.

Uh, can I talk to Mick Jagger for a second?

Yeah, sure.

All right, guys, take a break, huh?

Oh, it's a really good job so far, though. Really good.

-How's it going? -It's good.

It's great. I should have done this years ago.

Yeah, it's pretty exciting.

Um, you gotta send me a T-shirt or a hat or something.

Or whatever.

Um, listen, I thought you might be interested.

We caught a break on the armored car thing.

We identified the body.

Guy's name is Denny Jardeen. He's an ex-cop.

He's got a cousin who's done some time

who works for a trucking company.

So we're gonna go pick him up. I thought you'd like to come along.

Why?

I mean, I'm not a cop anymore, Leland.

Captain.

Look at my notebook.

No more witness statements. Just lyrics and song ideas now.

-You're writing songs? -Yeah, I wrote 17 last night.

I'm on fire.

I'm sure you are.

Uh… I also wanted to apologize about the dentist.

It's just that over the years, you've had, uh…

-so many unique theories. -I wasn't hallucinating.

Randy, I checked Dr. Bloom out myself on my own time.

The guy is clean.

He's got no priors. He's never been in trouble.

I just wanted you to know that I took you seriously.

The fact is…

I miss you. I need you.

[somber music playing]

Well, it's too late.

Um, I've moved on.

I mean, the band's my life now.

You're more than welcome to come and have a listen if you want.

Come on in, be my guest. Have a seat.

Okay.

-How you doing? -Hey.

I should warn you, you might not like what you hear.

It's pretty powerful stuff.

You might not be able to handle it.

All right, let's rock it out.

From the top.

One, two, three, four.

[whispers] Five, six, seven, eight.

♪ I'm tired of sucking up ♪

♪ Well, I'm tired of sucking up And working for the man ♪

♪ Keeping people down 'Cause the law says I can ♪

♪ Cuff my brothers and sisters ♪

♪ That's not the way to be ♪

♪ But, honey, those days are gone ♪

♪ Baby, I am free ♪

♪ I don't need a badge To tell me wrong from right ♪

♪ I don't need a badge To tell me day from night ♪

♪ I don't need a badge Because my eyes can see ♪

♪ I don't need a badge ♪

♪ 'Cause, baby, I am free ♪

All right. That was good.

That wasn't too bad.

That was great.

Okay, now, before you even knock on the door,

I want you to douse this handkerchief with the chloroform.

-Just like this, okay? -Okay.

20 cc's, and make sure he really inhales it.

I don't know about this.

Well, we have to do it, there's no choice.

No, no, I know. I mean, I don't know if 20 cc's is enough.

How do you know he's gonna talk?

Did you see him? He couldn't even shake my hand.

-He was a mess. -Yeah.

You get Adrian Monk in here, and I'll make him talk.

Neal, your fingerprints were all over the warehouse

and on the armored car.

You could hire the best lawyer in the city.

It's not gonna make those fingerprints disappear.

It is all over and you know it.

Okay, I was there. But I didn't…

I didn't do the two guards, man. I…

I tried to stop him.

Stop who?

Denny. Denny Jardeen.

One of the guards fought back and he went postal, man,

and started shooting.

Where's the money, Neal?

Denny's got it.

He's keeping it in a shed back behind his place

until we all split it up.

I got some bad news for you, Neal.

Denny is dead.

Denny?

And there's no money in that little tool shed.

We've already ripped it apart.

Now that's impossible.

Looks like somebody in your little sewing circle got greedy.

You can't trust anybody these days, can you?

[knock on door]

[knocking continues]

Oh, Mr. Monk.

I know it's late. Can I come in?

Of course, of course.

Thank you.

[Terri crying]

What… what is it?

Lieutenant Disher was right.

Dr. Bloom killed a man two days ago.

And I don't even know who it was.

I mean, I'd never seen him before or anything.

[crying]

I just don't know where else to go.

-[sobs] -Yeah.

Yeah, are you gonna be crying a lot?

Maybe you wanna lean over the sink.

No, no, I'm fine. I'm sorry.

I'm just scared to death.

Yeah, I'll call the Captain.

No! No, Dr. Bloom would kill me.

-You can't. -Oh, it's okay.

-The police will protect you. -[sighs]

Oh, what is that?

-What… what? -I don't know.

-What is it? -I don't… It's right…

-It's a… something on your face. -[line rings]

Like a smudge.

-Smudge. -Yeah.

No… No, you're not getting it.

-It's right there. -Did I get it? No?

-Did I get it? -No.

Here, I'll do it. Hold on.

Okay.

-Did you get it? -Uh…

No?

No, it's right there.

[Monk moans]

Mmm. Chloroform.

-You're dr… You're drugging me. -[shushes]

Just relax.

Did you get it?

Did I get it?

Did I get it?

[groggily] Did I get it?

-[Stottlemeyer] Natalie! -Captain, is Mr. Monk here?

What would Monk be doing here? I don't even know what I'm doing here.

I called his house to read him tomorrow's weather report

like I always do, but he didn't answer.

So I go over there, the door's open, the light's on, but he's not home.

The door was open.

[light intriguing music playing]

[chair rattling]

Thank you for waiting. The doctor will be right with you.

There's… no rush.

-[humming] -[Monk grunts]

Why are you doing this?

Why are you doing this?

Please.

Please.

What are you gonna do?

I didn't really have a smudge, did I?

Ooh! You should be flattered.

The doctor doesn't usually come in this late.

Especially for new patients.

That tooth.

The roots are about ten inches apart, aren't they?

If you say so.

I get it now.

I know what happened.

[Monk] The drivers fought back during the hijacking.

Denny Jardeen got hit in the face.

-[gunshot] -He must have knocked a tooth loose.

So Jardeen came here to get his tooth fixed.

Makes sense.

He's an ex-cop, and you're on the medical plan.

He must have talked in his sleep.

Dr. Bloom said a lot of patients do.

He told you everything.

About the robbery, where they hid the money.

It must have been like winning the lottery.

If you say so.

[Monk] That night, you went to Jardeen's house,

found the money, figured it was safe.

That he'd never remember telling you anything.

But you were wrong.

He did remember.

Or maybe, when the money went missing,

he just figured it out.

He came back here Tuesday night

while you were working on Randy.

[suspenseful music playing]

Randy witnessed the whole thing, sort of.

He was right about everything.

Wasn't he?

If you say so.

Hello again, Mr. Monk.

Is it true that you've only been to the dentist once before?

Yeah.

I gather it wasn't a good experience.

Well, this'll be much worse.

I'm…

[weakly] I'm a police officer.

Oh, I know that. That's precisely why you're here.

-No. -You see, Terri and I, we have, uh,

-some merchandise that we'd like to sell. -Open, open, open.

-[Monk moaning] -Some bank certificates.

Now, there's a man in Chicago

named Mr. Cronin who would like to buy them.

But we're afraid of approaching him

because we don't know if he's being watched by the police.

Now my question is…

is Mr. Cronin under surveillance?

I don't know.

Have you ever seen the movie Marathon Man, Mr. Monk?

No, is it good? Let's watch it.

Let's… let's watch it now.

I'm not much of a movie guy,

but I have some time now.

Who's in it? Who's in that?

You're not gonna watch it.

-You're gonna live it. -Oh.

Is Mr. Cronin under surveillance? Yes or no?

I don't know.

I… I wish I did. I… I…

I really do. But I don't know. [sobs]

Is Mr. Cronin under surveillance?

No!

[breathing heavily]

-Is he under surveillance? -Yes. Okay, yeah.

Yes. We know…

We know all about it.

You have to be careful.

You should be careful.

Now, I really wish I could believe you, Mr. Monk.

Oh, your teeth are perfect.

-[grunts, groans] -I don't see a single cavity.

Ah…

Is Mr. Cronin under surveillance?

[talks unintelligibly]

-He's not saying anything. -Pass me the extractor, please.

I still don't see what's wrong with the Randy Disher Project.

I never liked that name. Even in high school.

Okay.

Okay, what about the Randy Disher Experience?

How about Severe Tire Damage?

Okay, how about Mellow Knights with a K?

[quirky music playing]

I gotta say I'm leaning towards the Randy Disher Experience.

How about this?

I'm gonna open up a newspaper and the first word I see…

that's our name.

Baghdad.

That's good actually. I kind of like that.

-Baghdad. -Let me see that.

Baghdad.

Thirteen million in bearer bonds stolen.

Bearer bonds. Barry Bonds.

Not Barry Bonds.

They were saying bearer bonds!

All right! All right, okay! Wait, wait.

Your hands are so dirty.

-Excuse me? -Could you…

You gotta wash your hands first, please.

Please.

You want me to wash my hands.

-Please. -I'm not gonna wash my hands, okay?

-Please. -I'm not washing my hands.

Okay, now, just hold still.

We're not animals, here, right?

Please, I'm asking you.

I'm asking you!

-He did wash his hands in Marathon Man. -Don't give me Marathon Man.

-Not gonna wash my hands when I'm tor-- -It'll take five seconds, please.

I'm asking you!

Look into your heart. For God…

For the love of God. For all that's holy.

Look into your heart. Look into your heart.

I'll wash my damn hands, okay?

Oh!

[tires screeching]

Look, the lights are on.

[suspenseful music playing]

No! No, not the wrong soap.

You gotta use the antibacterial soap!

-Gotta use the right soap! -Give me the drill.

This is enough. Just gimme the drill.

Not that soap.

-[grunting] -[whirs]

[door opens]

Drop the drill! Step away from the chair!

-[Disher] Don't move, Natalie. Stay there. -You too.

Get over here.

-Down. Down on your knees now. -Both of you.

You okay?

I don't have my cuffs.

Here.

-[Disher] Your hands. -Mr. Monk! It's okay, it's okay.

-[groans] -It's all over.

[Monk] Sorry.

It's all over.

[rock music playing]

♪ I don't need a gun To make me feel strong ♪

♪ I don't need a captain Shootin' me down all day long ♪

♪ I don't need your mustache Don't you condescend to me ♪

♪ I don't need nobody 'Cause, baby, I am free ♪

♪ No, I don't need nobody 'Cause, baby, I am free ♪

[rock music fading]

Wow. That had some good energy.

Yeah, a lot of energy.

Let's watch it again sometime.

It… it doesn't matter. I mean, the band broke up anyway.

We couldn't agree on anything.

Name, what kind of music to play,

or, uh, whether or not I should shut up.

Come here.

I believe this is yours.

Welcome back, Randy.

Welcome back.

-You okay? -Mmm.

Loose tooth.

Huh?

I betcha that happened when they knocked him out.

Oh my gosh, you gotta see a dentist.

Mmm! Nah.

Mmm-mm. Mmm-mm.

Mr. Monk, there's nothing to be afraid of!

Mm.

-What? I'll be with you the whole time. -Mm-mm.

[Natalie] What are the odds of another dentist torturing you?

[Monk] Let's not talk about it anymore.

[theme music playing]