Original subtitles

-[mellow music plays] -[camera shutter clicks]

Ah, that's perfect.

Alright, one more. One more, could I get--

Look at me, and, uh…

Big smiles. Ah, that's perfect.

-[camera clicks] -Yes, okay.

Um, we're gonna get a group shot.

So I need you to-- I need you guys to come in with me.

Uh, I need the bridesmaids

-and the best men, please. -[cell phone ringing]

Uh…

-[cell phone ringing] -Excuse me.

You're late. Do you have it?

All of it?

Good. Shall we do this in the usual way?

Yeah, yeah. Hotel spa will be fine.

[sighs]

Five minutes. Yeah, five minutes.

[cell phone beeps]

What?

-No, this isn't… -[cell phone rings, beeps]

What the hell do you think you're doing?

You think you can screw with me? My price just went up.

It's gonna cost you another ten grand.

Or I could just make one 20-second phone call to the FBI.

You wouldn't happen to know their number, would you?

You know, that's alright.

I'll just call information. It'll be a lot easier to--

Hel--

-[beeps] -Hello?

-[beeping] -Son of a bitch.

[cell phone ringing]

[ringing]

Where are you?

[cell phone ringing]

[ringing continues]

[ringing continues]

[groans]

[bubbling]

["It's a Jungle Out There" by Randy Newman plays]

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care Well, I do ♪

♪ Hey, who's in charge here? ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

♪ Poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ You know what's in the water That you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's amazing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy 'Cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention You'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention Or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just kill you ♪

♪ I could be wrong now ♪

♪ But I don't think so ♪

♪ 'Cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

-Surprise. -Surprise!

-Surprise! -Ohh!

-Happy birthday, buddy. -Whoo!

Thank you. Thank you.

-♪ For… ♪ -[all] ♪ He's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

-♪ For he's a jolly good fellow… ♪ -Wow, you guys, this is great.

This is awesome! I mean…

-[pop] -Aah!

-Ha-ha! -I can't believe you remembered.

Of course. How could we forget?

My mom called you, didn't she?

Every day for the past month.

-What's that? -It's cellophane. Monk's idea.

It's to protect the cake. Makes it more fun.

For what?

Well, when you blow out the candles,

there's always a little… what I call spittle…

Actually a pretty good idea. It's a birthday cake spittle shield.

[sucks teeth] You know, that's the first idea that you've had

that I might actually consider investing in.

-Thank you. -Make a wish.

[sniffs]

Blow out the candles, Lieutenant.

[all gasp]

Hey, happy birthday.

I think I might reconsider that investment.

-It's okay. -[cell phone ringing]

It's okay. No, no, it's okay! It's-- I don't need a birthday cake…

[cell phone ringing]

…to feel the love I'm feeling in this room right now from everybody.

-Hey. I was just thinking about you. -It wasn't long ago, I was a senior

at Temple University in Philadelphia…

What?

No, Roger, you can't.

Because you can't.

Well, I can't find anybody else.

Because the dinner's tonight, Roger. The wedding's tomorrow.

Uh-huh.

So what did the doctor say?

So it didn't technically burst.

Alright, fine, Roger, you take care of yourself. Bye.

What does an appendix do, anyway?

I mean, it's an appendix! That means it's extra, right?

-Is there anything I can do? -[exhales]

That wouldn't inconvenience me?

Yes, you can come with me tomorrow to my brother's wedding.

-My date just canceled. -A wedding? No, uh… I'm sorry.

Natalie, I can't. It's a bad idea.

For-- for seven reasons.

Wait, eight, actually, now that I think of it.

Nine. Nine reasons. I'm-- I can't.

-Nine reasons. -I've got the day off.

I mean, if you can't find anybody else.

Hey, is Greenburg still dating that parole officer?

No… he married her.

Actually, I own my own tuxedo.

Ooh! What about that B&E suspect you brought in last week?

-He was kinda cute. -Not cute enough to make bail.

I'd be honored if you met my family.

-It's not a date. -I understand.

I just-- I need a buffer. I can't handle my family alone.

I'm a buffer. I mean, I'm very buff.

I mean, no pun intended.

'Course, I thought I was being funny.

Separate rooms.

Oh, I should think so.

Alright, thank you.

Here is the invitation. It's in Pebble Beach.

Cool. Who's Jonathan Davenport?

-That's my brother. -You're always kissably fresh

with Davenport, like the toothpaste.

I'm actually not like the toothpaste.

We are the toothpaste.

What?

Get outta here.

-Wait a minute. -What?

-This is you? -Yeah.

Why didn't you ever tell us?

Mr. Monk, if you spent three minutes with them, you'd understand.

I kept Mitch's name for a reason.

I don't want any part of them or that.

So I guess you're kinda loaded, huh?

Psh. They are. They wouldn't offer me a nickel.

I wouldn't take it if they did.

This doesn't change anything, does it?

[snorts]

-No. -Well, why would it? You're…

You're still Natalie. You're…

-Yep. -You're still you.

-And we're still us. -Yeah, loaded.

[whispering] Davenport.

Karen!

Yes, Mrs. Davenport?

Where the hell is the photographer?

He told me he would meet me here.

I don't know. But I will find him for you.

Thank you. Hey.

What are these?

-Uh, they're cocktail napkins. -Cocktail napkins are square.

I-I don't know what that is.

-Okay, I'm gonna fix this right away. -Please.

Karen.

What is he?

Uh, he's a-- a waiter.

No, I mean, is he Native American? Is he a hippie? What?

Oh, I-- I don't know.

Well, I just don't think he should serve tomorrow.

I mean, he just doesn't quite fit.

[sighs] Oh, and I've change my mind about the ratatouille. It'll drip!

It'll drip all over everything. Tell the cook!

Do you believe I have to do everything?

Yes, dear.

Oh.

Princess!

Grandma! Grandpa!

Is that your dad?

Robert Davenport. Everybody calls him Bobby.

Grandpa!

Look at you! Oh, God!

You're gonna be the prettiest flower girl in the world.

-[Julie giggles] -Hello, sweetheart. Mwah.

-What does he do? -He inherits money.

-What about your mom? -That's Peggy. She has two hobbies.

Tennis, and making me feel like dirt.

She's a champion at both.

They look nice.

Oh, then you'll fit right in.

Because looking nice is what matters around here.

When I was in high school, all they cared about

was whether I was dating the right guy from the right family.

And? Did you?

I dated all the wrong guys. Some of them were really wrong.

Like Mitch.

They still refuse to put his picture on the piano.

What, that means something?

Yeah, it means something to them, and me.

Oh, God, I'm sweating.

I feel like I'm allergic to them. Is that possible?

Wait, come here, come here, come here. I need a signal.

-Signal? -Yeah. If I start to panic,

I'll ask you what time it is.

Okay, just get me out of there, alright? Just drag me away.

"What time is it?" I got it. Don't worry.

[sighs]

-Bye, Mom. -Mm.

Okay.

[deep sigh]

Hello, sweetheart.

-Mwah. -Mwah.

Hello, my dear.

-[clears throat] -Oh, this is my friend.

This is Randy Disher.

Mr. and Mrs. Davenport, it's a pleasure to meet you.

Both of you.

I've heard great things about you.

Like what?

Well, uh, I mean-- Not about you, specifically.

About your toothpaste.

Especially that new kind with the mouthwash built right in.

-Bet you were the inspiration for that. -[awkward chuckle]

Why? What's wrong with my breath?

What time is it?

What?

-What time is it? -No, uh--

[indistinct chatter]

There's something wrong with this Bloody Mary.

Oh, honey! You're a bartender. Taste that.

Mom, I'm not a bartender anymore.

Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry. You're-- you're, um, a junior detective or something.

I'm an assistant to a private investigator.

It's just so hard to keep straight. I mean, what is this, job number 17?

Randy, sweetheart, be a dear. Taste this for me. What's wrong with it?

Not enough celery salt.

Oh, that's it. That's exactly what I thought.

Okay, so where's Jonathan? I haven't even met Theresa yet.

Oh, you're going to love her. She's fantastic!

Whoa! Hold the presses. You actually approve.

Well, yes, we approve. [chuckles]

We'd hardly be standing here if we didn't approve.

-So I guess you had her checked out. -Yes, I did.

This all happened very quickly.

Yeah, they met about three weeks ago in Hawaii.

[Bobby] She's never been married. Both of her parents are deceased.

She's been living off a very healthy trust fund.

-Huge. -So this girl is not after the money.

This is the real thing.

Jonathan's very happy.

She makes him happy. That's all that matters.

Mitch made me happy, Mother.

-[exhales] -Nat… Peg…

-This is never gonna-- -Ah, ah, ah.

This is Jonathan's day. Can we not do this?

Okay. I won't. I'm gonna go find Julie.

Well, we haven't checked in yet. Which way is the main office?

Back down the steps and across the parking lot.

Great. See you later, Peggy.

Bobby.

Hey, listen, I gotta get going. You're okay, right?

Yeah, I'm fine. You don't have to check in on me.

Yes, I do. I promised Natalie that I would.

And I swore on my mother's eyes.

Captain, I'm not a baby.

I'll be fine…

here.

Alone.

All day. Here.

You got something to drink?

It's in the fridge.

There's a chart on the inside of the door. It's color-coded.

I don't need the chart, Monk.

Hey, I wonder how Natalie and Randy are doing?

I love weddings.

[cupboard closes]

Did you know that I met Karen at a wedding?

I love weddings anyway.

[whistling softly]

Yep.

You know who had a great wedding?

You did. You and Trudy.

Now, that was a great day.

Ah.

Where's that photo album?

[chuckles]

She was…

-Wow. -[Stottlemeyer] Beautiful.

I remember during the service, she was crying so hard,

she couldn't even say the words, "I do."

Have you ever seen anybody cry so much?

That was you, Monk.

And, no, I have not.

[tires screech]

[groans]

[Stottlemeyer] Randy, son, did you see who was driving the car?

-Did you see? Can you ID the driver? -[Disher mumbles]

Silver Volvo.

No, Randy, we got the car. It's right here. Who was driving?

-Captain… -Yeah?

I got a license plate.

I don't need the license plate. I'm looking right at it--

Four…

-Who-- -Paul…

"C," Charles…

-He's gonna be okay, right? -Yeah, painkillers.

How's he doing?

Broken arm, broken leg.

-[groans] -Probably a couple of broken ribs.

Suitcase took most of the blow. It could have been a lot worse.

-Can he identify the driver? -He can't identify me.

-He'll try again later. What do you got? -Condensation.

The air conditioner was running.

And the humidity is, what? About 70%.

So that car was idling right here

for about 20 minutes.

So, what, he was waiting for him?

From the tire tracks here…

he must have peeled out full speed.

So, what, he didn't even try to brake.

Or make the turn.

Son of a bitch! What happened?!

He was only here for an hour. Did he piss somebody off?

No.

And we found this on the floor of the car.

Near the gas pedal. Some kind of green mud.

Well, I'll get that to the lab right away.

Captain, it's not your case.

Like hell it's not.

She's right, Captain.

It's my backyard.

Lieutenant Bristo. Monterey County Police.

How you doing?

Don't worry, you'll be copied on every statement.

-Where you staying? -Uh, right here, I guess.

This is Adrian Monk. He'll be staying here too.

I-I-- I don't think so.

He'll be staying here too.

I guess I'll be staying here too.

Well, the car's registered to a Margaret Davenport.

[Natalie] Margaret Davenport?

Aunt Madge!

Okay, Aunt Madge.

She said somebody took the keys out of her coat pocket,

which was in a cloak room.

She was busy putting up decorations.

[Stottlemeyer] Well, it wasn't her. But he knew exactly where to look.

And what car was hers?

There's no Volvo markings on that key.

That could have been anybody.

-An employee, a-- -I don't think so.

I just talked to the manager. There was a staff meeting in progress.

Nobody was missing.

What?

You're saying somebody in my family did this?

No.

[Stottlemeyer] Let's get you upstairs. Hotel's comping you a room.

[whistling]

-Whoop! [grunts] -Honey…

-I'll catch up with you guys later. -Okie-doke.

-Oh, yes, how is he? -I hope he's gonna be alright.

Oh, now, sweetheart, I'm sorry about your friend.

But there isn't anything that you can do.

So now we just have to…

What?

-We soldier on. -That's right.

We soldier on.

Uh, now, the rehearsal dinner is in about 20 minutes, so--

What's that?

Uh, oh, I found this outside.

But… those are Randy's pants.

Oh, yes, I thought that this color would be good to show the wedding planner

-for the tablecloths. -Khaki?

No, the blood! Crimson.

The ones she picked were sort of raspberry.

Didn't go with any of the flowers at all.

-Mom, that's an evidence bag. -Yes.

You can't just take it from a crime scene. That's a felony.

Well, the tablecloths are a felony, darling.

-And I'll give it back. -Mom, you can't just keep it.

Ah! No--

[mumbles]

Natalie Jane!

Thank you, darling.

Now, the rehearsal dinner's going to be in about 20 minutes.

So you're not gonna be wearing that, are you?

[sighs]

-Mr. Monk! -Natalie, that gift shop

does not have my toothbrush.

They do not carry the Gertler 4000.

What am I supposed to do?

We're gonna worry about that later.

Come on, we're late. The rehearsal dinner's in 20 minutes.

You said "we"? You said "We were late." I heard you say "we."

-You're my date. Congratulations. -Oh, wait!

-Here's the thing-- -Mr. Monk, someone did this to Randy.

Maybe somebody in my family. You're a detective, right?

-It's your chance to look. -Here's the thing--

Here's the thing! I can't go in there alone! You're my date!

[spoon clanging on glass]

[indistinct chatter, laughter]

Ahem, excuse me. Oh!

Oh, I don't normally stand up and give speeches.

In a minute, you're gonna find out why!

And I promise, after tomorrow,

I'm gonna let Jonathan do most of the talking.

-[laughter] -Don't bet on it.

[laughter]

Um, I just wanted to thank you, all of you,

for making me feel so at home.

I know this all happened very quickly.

I still don't know how you planned it all in one week.

As some of you know, I lost my own parents in 1995,

and I never thought I would ever feel this way again.

So…

Mr. and Mrs. Davenport,

when we met yesterday, you asked me to call you Mom and Dad.

[chuckles] At the time, I didn't really know what to say,

but I've been thinking about it, and… Mom…

and Dad…

I would love to.

-[chuckles] -Ohh.

[applause]

Natalie…

when I was growing up in Philadelphia, I used to dream about having a big sister.

I can't wait to get to know you better.

I'm having a little bachelorette party tonight.

I really hope you can make it.

-Oh, yeah! -[boy] Stop it!

He keeps touching my food!

No, I wasn't.

Um… I was just helping the lad.

He seems kind of confused about…

It's mushing all together here.

He's, uh, he's fine. He's gonna be alright.

[Stottlemeyer] You have a nice background here.

-Very good. Thank you very much. -[Natalie] Ahem.

Captain. What are you doing?

Taking pictures.

I overheard your mother say

that the wedding photographer didn't show up, so I volunteered.

I borrowed this from one of the crime tech guys.

-Why? -Why?

'Cause Randy says that he thinks he might be able to identify the driver.

-Did he get a good look at him? -Yep.

Male Caucasian, medium build, red baseball cap, sunglasses.

I figured I'd take some pictures, get them developed tonight.

And maybe we'll get lucky.

Wait. You're undercover at my brother's wedding?

Yeah. Look, I'm doing you a favor.

It's either this, or we take everybody upstairs,

one at a time.

Smile.

Very nice.

-Hey, sis. Mr. Monk. -Hey, bro!

-Hi. -Ohh.

That looks good on you.

-Oh, the suit? -No, the smile.

-He never smiles. -Ohh!

-Never had anything to smile about. -[laughter]

You want my advice? Get out now, save yourself.

No. No, thanks. I'm not going anywhere.

-Till death do us part. -[laughter]

Hey, how's your friend? Sergeant Disher.

Oh, it's Lieutenant Disher.

He got pretty banged up. But he's gonna be okay.

I can't believe that happened right outside.

Yeah, we wanted to send him some flowers. Which hospital is he in?

No, he's back here. He's upstairs.

-Just… resting. -Oh, good! Well, we can deliver

-the flowers ourselves. -Yeah.

Think he'll be able to make it to the wedding tomorrow?

-Oh, gosh, probably not. -That's too bad.

Oh, you know what? I think I'm gonna bring my new father-in-law a drink.

Oh, hey, don't forget, in Room 304, party.

Ooh! [laughs] Aww.

So…

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but… Mom was right.

She's great. You don't deserve her.

[both laugh]

I don't.

We have 87 things in common.

-Last night, we actually made a list. -Okay, stop it.

-It's crazy. -[both laugh]

And she doesn't have any family at all?

Brothers, sisters?

No, she had an uncle, but he was on that PanAm flight to Madrid

with her parents.

It was… a PanAm flight?

Yeah. God, she's been through so much.

But it's made her stronger.

And it's rubbing off. I feel stronger too.

Soon I'll be strong, like you.

-Oh, right. -[both laugh]

She's probably looking for me, so I'm gonna go.

But I'll see you tomorrow.

Gulp. [laughs]

What?

Nothing.

What is it?

Well, she-- she said her parents died in 1995.

PanAm went out of business in '91.

So? She got a little mixed up.

Yeah.

[sighs]

[screaming]

[all screaming]

[Disher groans]

No…

That M is a disaster.

[laughs] How about this guy?

That's, uh, that's Uncle Ferdy from Memphis.

-No. -No?

No.

That's Natalie's cousin.

No.

No pictures of Theresa?

The bride. Sure.

Uh…

Uh…

This is the back of her head.

That's weird. I don't have a good shot of her.

Hey.

Could it have been a woman?

Yeah, I guess so.

-You think maybe she's the guy? -I don't know.

She did lie about her parents.

We'll check her out.

-[phone rings] -[sniffs]

I'll get it.

-Oh. -Oh!

[sharp exhale]

Alright, I'm gonna need a bigger bottle.

Uh, Randy Disher's room. This is Stottlemeyer.

What?

Yeah. I understand.

Uh, we'll be down there in a minute.

They found a body.

-Where? -In the spa.

-Who is it? -No idea.

Okay. Let's go.

You're not going anywhere.

Look, meet me downstairs. Find Natalie.

[loud music playing]

We had a few complaints about you, ladies.

[squealing]

Good thing I brought my handcuffs.

[squeals]

Um, officer, I've been a bad girl.

-Yeah. -[squeals, laughs]

Whoo!

Hello? Hello?

'Scuse me.

Hello. Natalie. Natalie.

'Scuse me. Natalie.

Natalie.

Monk. What's going on? Is Randy okay?

Anything wrong?

Oh, uh, yeah. I just need to go talk to my mom.

Uh, I'll be back. Party on.

Bye!

Oh. Hey, you better come too.

Me?

There's a body downstairs. Looks like a 187.

-A 187? -Yeah.

Lieutenant Bristo's down there, and I think he wants you down there too.

-Let's go. -Okay.

This way.

-I'm comin'. -[music stops]

-Hey? -W-wait.

-What-- what's that? -[woman] Hey.

My boom box.

Your boom box.

Okay. Fine. Let's just go.

You look like you work out a little bit.

Well, I try. I'm looking into Pilates.

-[camera shutter clicks] -[indistinct chatter]

[Stottlemeyer] Hey, Monk.

-Who is he? -So far, he's John Doe.

We figure his wallet's still in the mud bath.

I'm willing to bet that that mud is the same mud that you found

outside in the car.

-Was he the driver? -No. Not likely.

According to the Coroner, this guy died at least 36 hours ago.

-Captain. -Hmm?

He's the wedding photographer. The one that's been missing.

How do you know that?

The discoloration on his fingertips.

It's caused by developer fluid.

-I've seen it on other photographers. -[chuckles]

Glad he's on our team.

Well, if you're right and he's local, he'd probably have a studio in town.

We'll get a search warrant.

[loud dance music plays]

-[clicks] -[music stops]

What's he doing here?

Oh, that's Hondo. He's with me.

Figure we might need a little crowd control.

[snickers]

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Mr. Monk, he's not a real cop.

He's a stripper.

-I don't think so. -[laughs]

Didn't you see his badge?

It said "Officer Feel Good."

So…

Monk, the guy's got dollar bills sticking out of his belt.

I thought he lost his wallet.

Hold on a sec.

Now wait a minute.

Wait a minute…

Ah.

Oh, it's on my… shoe. Natalie. Ah.

Ah, no, no!

Ah! Wipe.

Ah! Wipe!

[muttering frantically]

No, I need something bigger!

You may be right about him.

Sorry. Judge Allen was upstate duck hunting. You got it.

Search warrant. We are duly authorized.

[Wedding March playing]

You look so pretty. Your daddy would be so proud of you.

-[whispering] -[reverend] …and loving friends,

we're gathered here today to celebrate the union of Theresa and Jonathan

-who met just three weeks ago. -No.

But true love has found its way.

Guy's name was Frank Ruddle.

I got a peek at his bank account.

He was broke.

Living paycheck to paycheck.

-Huh. -Get this.

According to his sister, he'd been talking to real estate agents.

Looking at houses.

Thought he was gonna come into some money.

Hello.

[laughs] Ha!

I got it. I got it.

And do you, Theresa Scott, take Jonathan Davenport

to love, honor, and cherish for better or worse,

richer or poorer,

in sickness and in health

until death do you part?

I do.

By the power vested in me by the state of California,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

-[deep exhale] -You may kiss the bride.

[applause]

May I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Davenport.

Oh, my God. It's her. It's Theresa.

She's a black widow.

[Peggy] It's-- it's not her. Her hair is different--

[Natalie] Mom, she dyed her hair blonde and cut it.

It's not her.

This is the happiest day of his life. Why are you doing this to your brother?

I'm doing this for Jonathan. Mom, this explains everything.

Why she has no family, why she has no friends.

Her best friend is sick and her parents happen to be dead.

Did you read this article?

She killed her first husband for his money.

She might be planning to do it again.

No, no. No, no, no. Cancel. Cancel. I don't believe it.

Mrs. Davenport, Randy Disher

was the investigating officer six years ago.

He could identify Theresa, that's why

she tried to run him down when he first got here.

I'm sorry. But that is simply preposterous.

-[squeals] -Hey!

Yesterday, she called him Sergeant Disher.

He was a sergeant when she knew him six years ago.

Excuse me, young man, could you just go? Thank you.

We both know what this is about.

This is not about Theresa and some stupid photograph.

This is about you and me.

-Oh, Mom, please stop. -Yes. Yes. You and me and Mitch.

And the fact that you think that I treated him badly

-Oh, this is-- -And I never put his picture on the piano

as if that meant anything.

[cheering]

Ah!

I really don't see how you can work with that man

or how you can take anything he says seriously.

[soft jazz music playing]

May I?

Yes, of course.

-[applause] -[smooch]

Should I be insulted?

About what?

The napkins.

You afraid to touch me, Mr. Monk?

Why would I be afraid of you?

I'm not marrying you.

[laughs]

It's a beautiful dress.

Well, thank you.

And it still fits.

What do you mean?

You wore the same dress in Philadelphia six years ago.

At the time, you were using the name Darlene Coolidge.

I saw the wedding pictures, the ones that Frank Ruddle took.

Who?

Frank Ruddle.

The wedding photographer who made the fatal mistake

of recognizing you.

Mr. Monk, I'm not who,

or what you think I am.

I am denying it unequivocally.

However,

if you were right,

and I was such a woman,

the last thing you'd wanna do is get in my way.

-Are you threatening me? -Mmm.

[laughs]

-[music stops] -[soft applause]

Hi.

How do you plan to do it?

How are you going to kill him?

The song's over, Mr. Monk.

Excuse me, Mrs. Davenport.

-They're playing our song. -[giggles] Oh, come here!

-[Theresa] Mmm. -[jazz music playing]

I missed you.

You broke into her room? Is that legal?

You don't need a search warrant to go into a hotel room

-if it's after checkout. -Is that true?

-I don't know. -What you got?

Red baseball cap.

Ta-da.

-Green mud. -Let's arrest her.

No no no! Natalie! Natalie!

-We can't get her on this. -But we have to do something.

They're honeymooning in Mexico, leaving any minute.

If Randy can ID her as Darlene Coolidge, then we've got her.

I'm gonna go see if I can wake him up. Keep her here. Don't let her leave.

It's time.

-Okay. -Okay.

Hey, we're heading out.

-Already? -Yeah.

[whispers] Do something.

Theresa wants to catch an earlier flight.

When she makes up her mind, that's it.

The woman's a force of nature.

-Don't go. Um… -Aw.

-I-I need to talk to you. -Oh, you don't need me to have fun.

-You never did. -Hi. I've got to take him.

-I've got to take him, okay? -Wish me luck.

-We're gonna… -[glass clinks]

-[Monk] Jonathan. Theresa. -Look.

[glass clinks]

Just wanted to say a few words.

I…

Well, the truth is I don't really know either of you very well.

But I do know a couple of things about marriage.

My wife Trudy used to say

that marriage is 90% love

and 10% forgiveness.

She was married to me, so she was sort of an expert

in forgiveness.

-[audience laughs] -[chuckles]

That's a true story.

-Son of a bitch! -Forget it.

-Is there a latch? -Forget it, I'm good.

-You're good? Okay. -I'm good, go! Go, let's go.

Come on.

Come on, come on, come on. Okay.

Anyway, I-I'd like to thank all of you for coming.

And I think I speak on behalf of Bobby and Peggy--

[Peggy] No, uh…

No, actually, you're not.

You…

And, um, Jonathan and-and Theresa, I-I, uh…

I-I know you want to take a-a minute now

and just say thank you to our wonderful waiters and waitresses.

Yes, absolutely.

[applause]

-[grunts] -[groans, shouts]

You know who's here, though,

is, uh, Julie Teeger.

Come up here, Julie. Come on up here, please.

Julie, you know, is, uh, of course,

Jonathan's niece.

Come, come, come on.

Come.

-She has, uh, had to, uh… -We're gonna go.

-…memorize a poem for-- for school. -Let me go, okay?

And she would like to recite it for you now

in honor of Jonathan and Theresa.

Julie Teeger.

Come on, Julie. Come on, girl.

Okay, bye.

[Julie] Father William by Lewis Carroll.

"You're old, Father William," the young man said.

"And your hair has become very white."

[grunting]

-[glass breaks] -Sorry.

"And yet you incessantly stand on your head."

"Do you think, at your age, this is right?"

-[man 1] Oh, yeah. -[man 2] Yeah.

[applause]

"Do you think, at your age, this is right?"

That always gets me.

Okay, okay, okay!

[shouts and groans]

When I was just a lad…

We're gonna go. Good job. Good job.

[Monk] Well, not a lad. You know, more of a young…

-Yeah. -…fella.

You know, adolescent…

A teenager, really.

-[Natalie] Oh. -[mouths]

[Stottlemeyer] Hang on!

-[groans] -Phew.

[groans]

[sharp exhale]

Hey, Darlene. Long time, no see.

Is this her?

Darlene Coolidge.

We lost track of you back in Seattle in 2001.

But by then, her name was Phyllis Gaffney,

and she was already on husband number three.

[heavy breathing] You lasted five and a half weeks.

You really must've loved him.

-What's he talking ab-- -[gasp]

-Wait-- -Okay, okay, don't do anything stupid.

Told you we should've eloped.

Hey! Dad.

-You have a private jet. -It's a company jet.

I want it fueled and ready to go in 20 minutes.

-[grunts] -[groans] Ow. Ahh!

-Stay away from our family. -[chokes]

-We have enough problems. -[groans]

[playing soft piano music]

[sniffles]

[sighs] Thank you.

[sniffles]

["It's a Jungle Out There" plays]